Latest / The D.L. Hughley Show / DLHS Hour 2 | Peak into Jasmine’s Diary

Transcript

DLHS Hour 2 | Peak into Jasmine’s Diary · The D.L. Hughley Show

• 0:00
  Speaker 1: It is the DL Hughley Show, your 2026 edition. If
• 0:03
  Speaker 1: you are going to be in Portland, Oregon, I'll be
• 0:06
  Speaker 1: there this Friday along with Don Lemon for the DL
• 0:09
  Speaker 1: and DL Show. We had a great time in Detroit
• 0:11
  Speaker 1: and a great time in New Orleans, man.
• 0:13
  Speaker 2: Wow.
• 0:13
  Speaker 1: The Big Easy. Don Lemon has a lot of family
• 0:16
  Speaker 1: from New Orleans. It was just great. I bet he
• 0:18
  Speaker 1: was short out. New Orleans is a great town. It's
• 0:21
  Speaker 1: almost like you're in another country.
• 0:22
  Speaker 3: Hmm.
• 0:24
  Speaker 1: They have their own language, got their own way of
• 0:26
  Speaker 1: doing things, their own cultures. It's called Cajun, baby. Yeah,
• 0:29
  Speaker 1: it's almost like you're in another country. Who that baby for, huh?
• 0:33
  Speaker 1: What happened? Yeah, sure. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Making groceries, put
• 0:39
  Speaker 1: it in the buggy. I'm like, what are you talking about?
• 0:41
  Speaker 1: Why is it... So they got their own way of
• 0:44
  Speaker 1: doing things, and we just had a lot of fun.
• 0:47
  Speaker 1: Thomas Massey, he's a Republican. Let's just remember that. Brought
• 0:50
  Speaker 1: articles of impeachment against... against Pete Hesman. And I'm going
• 0:55
  Speaker 1: to tell you something. I don't think that it's going
• 0:59
  Speaker 1: to fail. I hope not. I don't think it's going
• 1:02
  Speaker 1: to fail because I'm going to tell you something. They
• 1:03
  Speaker 1: know that Donald Trump has cost them everything. If you
• 1:07
  Speaker 1: can get got in Mississippi, if you can lose your
• 1:09
  Speaker 1: job in Mississippi, you can lose your job in South Carolina.
• 1:11
  Speaker 1: You can lose your job in Texas. You can lose
• 1:13
  Speaker 1: your job in Alaska. You can lose your job in
• 1:15
  Speaker 1: Iowa and Ohio. You can get got. Anybody can get got.
• 1:20
  Speaker 1: And you know who's going next? Ted Cruz.
• 1:21
  Speaker 3: I hope so.
• 1:22
  Speaker 1: He going next. Anybody can get got. So act accordingly.
• 1:26
  Speaker 1: And he and Pete Hesmith is an incompetent drunkard who
• 1:29
  Speaker 1: know who does not know he was doing. And I
• 1:31
  Speaker 1: think he's a war criminal. Yep. So if that's what
• 1:33
  Speaker 1: you want to throw your lot behind and risk your
• 1:35
  Speaker 1: political career, we take a note and kick it out.
• 1:37
  Speaker 1: We've already kicked enough ass. And let's be clear. The
• 1:41
  Speaker 1: the midterms ain't got nothing on a regular election.
• 1:43
  Speaker 2: Correct.
• 1:44
  Speaker 1: On the presidential. If you think black people came out
• 1:46
  Speaker 1: for that, wait till they come out for this. Oh, yeah.
• 1:50
  Speaker 1: And you're going to sacrifice yourself for a lame duck?
• 1:52
  Speaker 1: For a lame duck, yeah. For a lame duck. Come on.
• 1:57
  Speaker 1: Pete Hesman's out of here, why? And here's the truth.
• 2:00
  Speaker 1: If we don't get you now, we're going to get
• 2:01
  Speaker 1: you in January, baby. You're going to get got. Just
• 2:05
  Speaker 1: two more months away. You're fitting ready to get got,
• 2:07
  Speaker 1: baby boy.
• 2:08
  Speaker 2: Yep, get your coat.
• 2:08
  Speaker 1: Let me tell you something. At least you can say
• 2:10
  Speaker 1: that you, do you know what you can nail mail?
• 2:12
  Speaker 1: The feeble claim that you were a check on his
• 2:14
  Speaker 1: power by voting for this.
• 2:16
  Speaker 3: Mm-hmm.
• 2:17
  Speaker 1: You could make that feeble-ass claim, but he's going to
• 2:19
  Speaker 1: get got. He says, I'm not worried. That's what they
• 2:23
  Speaker 1: always say. He's going to get got. Watch. So it's
• 2:29
  Speaker 1: time to take a peek into Jasmine's drive. We're looking.
• 2:30
  Speaker 1: We're looking.
• 2:32
  Speaker 4: Dear Diaries, oh my God, I'm just leaving a salon
• 2:38
  Speaker 4: and not the hair on my head kind of salon,
• 2:41
  Speaker 4: but the other one. And I had to hit you
• 2:43
  Speaker 4: right away to let you know what just happened. Now,
• 2:45
  Speaker 4: I know I've talked a bit before about how going
• 2:48
  Speaker 4: and getting wax can be a little invasive and how
• 2:51
  Speaker 4: I had somebody who was a little heavy-handed. Well, this time,
• 2:55
  Speaker 4: I had a woman who couldn't really see well.
• 2:57
  Speaker 2: And when I tell you she put.
• 2:58
  Speaker 4: On magnifying glass and got some.
• 3:00
  Speaker 1: Tweezers and got to work... If.
• 3:02
  Speaker 4: You've never been tweezed in another region, let me just
• 3:05
  Speaker 4: tell you something. It is both satisfying and horrifying at
• 3:09
  Speaker 4: the same time. And painful might I add. So now
• 3:12
  Speaker 4: I am tiptoeing out of the.
• 3:13
  Speaker 1: Salon because, honey, I can barely walk.
• 3:16
  Speaker 2: Yes, I said it.
• 3:17
  Speaker 4: But I think I might be back because I don't
• 3:19
  Speaker 4: think I've been like this since I was a baby.
• 3:24
  Speaker 1: So painful and yet what?
• 3:26
  Speaker 5: Oh, so satisfying.
• 3:28
  Speaker 1: Now it is time to present another diploma from D.L.
• 3:32
  Speaker 1: School of Real Good Book Learning. Who do we have
• 3:35
  Speaker 1: on the phone?
• 3:35
  Speaker 2: This is Mary.
• 3:36
  Speaker 3: Mary.
• 3:36
  Speaker 1: Hi, Mary. Mary got a great voice.
• 3:38
  Speaker 3: Hi.
• 3:38
  Speaker 1: Where are you calling us from, Mary?
• 3:41
  Speaker 2: I'm calling from Dallas.
• 3:42
  Speaker 1: Dallas? Yes.
• 3:44
  Speaker 3: Oh.
• 3:45
  Speaker 1: This must be the good part.
• 3:46
  Speaker 2: This must be the good part.
• 3:48
  Speaker 1: I'm sure it's plain off.
• 3:49
  Speaker 2: I'm from Dallas, actually. Ooh, suburbs. Of course, Skip.
• 3:54
  Speaker 1: Well, you live in the suburb of Dallas, too, don't you, Skip?
• 3:56
  Speaker 2: Yeah, absolutely. Mary, which suburb are you living in? I'm
• 3:59
  Speaker 2: in North Garland.
• 4:02
  Speaker 3: Ooh.
• 4:02
  Speaker 1: I bet you there's no Martin Luther King Boulevard over there.
• 4:05
  Speaker 2: I know that.
• 4:06
  Speaker 1: All right, Skip. Tell your suburban neighbor the rules.
• 4:16
  Speaker 3: All right, what we're going to do, we have you
• 4:19
  Speaker 3: in the actually executive doctorate program for D.L. 's School
• 4:24
  Speaker 3: of Real Good Book Learning. So what I'm going to do,
• 4:26
  Speaker 3: I'm going to give you a word. A word you're
• 4:28
  Speaker 3: going to have.
• 4:28
  Speaker 2: To use in a sentence. After you use it in
• 4:30
  Speaker 2: a sentence, Jasmine will use it in a sentence. Then D.L.
• 4:33
  Speaker 3: Will use it in a sentence. And we'll see which
• 4:35
  Speaker 3: one of you got it the closest, okay? Okay.
• 4:38
  Speaker 2: Are you ready for the word, Mary?
• 4:40
  Speaker 1: Yes.
• 4:41
  Speaker 3: Yes.
• 4:41
  Speaker 2: Today's word is pervicacity. Use pervicacity in a sentence.
• 4:47
  Speaker 1: That we're going to have a pervicacity case that we're
• 4:52
  Speaker 1: going to beat Trump this year. All right. All right. Okay.
• 4:57
  Speaker 2: That was her. Her shot at it. Jasmine, pervicacity. Pervicacity.
• 5:03
  Speaker 2: Kamala Harris said, jumped into Mike Pence's ass with perfect
• 5:08
  Speaker 2: casey during the debate. Okay, okay. DL?
• 5:15
  Speaker 1: This dude was talking slick to me with all that
• 5:17
  Speaker 1: perfect casey.
• 5:20
  Speaker 4: That sounds like something you would say for real.
• 5:23
  Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, yeah.
• 5:24
  Speaker 2: You know what? I don't know if I've had a
• 5:26
  Speaker 2: chance to say this.
• 5:28
  Speaker 1: But we both got it right.
• 5:29
  Speaker 2: No, I'm going to say Jasmine is probably right. But
• 5:32
  Speaker 2: don't worry, Mary. Mary, forget it. She may have got
• 5:35
  Speaker 2: the word right, but you got the diploma.
• 5:37
  Speaker 1: Well, go ahead and finish this sentence.
• 5:40
  Speaker 3: I'll tell you, perfect Cassidy means stubbornness, willfulness. Like they
• 5:45
  Speaker 3: were both guilty of perfect Cassidy, but eventually they came
• 5:48
  Speaker 3: to a compromise.
• 5:49
  Speaker 1: Well, no, no, no, no. I said that dude's definitely
• 5:51
  Speaker 1: without that perfect Cassidy. I think that's, no, no, I
• 5:53
  Speaker 1: said that. That's closer. That's closer.
• 5:57
  Speaker 2: But I didn't want Mary to feel like she was
• 5:58
  Speaker 2: the only one that got it wrong.
• 6:00
  Speaker 1: We know the girl, the woman from the suburbs didn't
• 6:02
  Speaker 1: come close. We're saying that. Maybe if you lived in Plano, you.
• 6:07
  Speaker 2: Would know what that meant, but you don't. Mary, don't
• 6:12
  Speaker 2: listen to me.
• 6:13
  Speaker 1: Why don't you move to Grapevine and you'll.
• 6:15
  Speaker 4: Understand what we're talking about.
• 6:19
  Speaker 2: Mary, Mary, you at work, Mary? I go downstairs.
• 6:22
  Speaker 4: I work, but I'm working from home.
• 6:24
  Speaker 2: See?
• 6:24
  Speaker 3: See?
• 6:24
  Speaker 2: You can do that when you're in the suburbs.
• 6:27
  Speaker 1: That's what you can do. You have this great Wi-Fi. Yeah,
• 6:30
  Speaker 1: I know. I know they ain't doing, they ain't working
• 6:33
  Speaker 1: from home by the Redbird Mall. I know that ain't happening.
• 6:35
  Speaker 3: They at work.
• 6:37
  Speaker 1: All right, Tim, tell her what she wants.
• 6:40
  Speaker 3: Hey, we're going to shoot you a diploma from D.L.
• 6:43
  Speaker 3: School of Real Good Book Learning. Put that right up
• 6:46
  Speaker 3: there with.
• 6:47
  Speaker 1: Your master's degree that allows you to work from home.
• 6:50
  Speaker 5: That's fine.
• 6:51
  Speaker 1: All right, let's call somebody from Stop 6 in Fort Worth.
• 6:55
  Speaker 2: We don't need all of this. Thank you. Thank you, Mary.
• 6:57
  Speaker 3: Thank you, Mary.
• 6:58
  Speaker 1: I appreciate it. Y'all have a good day.
• 7:02
  Speaker 2: You too.
• 7:07
  Speaker 1: Welcome to the stage, Mario Hart.
• 7:09
  Speaker 5: My mother's my friend on Facebook. And I wrote something
• 7:12
  Speaker 5: on Facebook the other day that she didn't approve of.
• 7:15
  Speaker 5: She got on there, she said, hey, you take this
• 7:17
  Speaker 5: shit down. I didn't raise you like that. And I'm like, damn,
• 7:20
  Speaker 5: I'm not going to cuss my mama out. You know,
• 7:22
  Speaker 5: that's my mama. You know, I can't disrespect my mama,
• 7:24
  Speaker 5: but I'm smart. I logged out and came back as
• 7:26
  Speaker 5: a different person. I said, listen here, you old.
• 7:30
  Speaker 2: Bitch, you need to mind your damn business.
• 7:33
  Speaker 5: I'm a fan of Mario Hart. You can kiss my
• 7:35
  Speaker 5: ass and kiss his ass, too. Now, I couldn't leave
• 7:39
  Speaker 5: it like that because that's.
• 7:39
  Speaker 1: My mama, man.
• 7:40
  Speaker 5: So I logged back out. Came back as myself. And
• 7:45
  Speaker 5: I said, hey, you don't be talking to my mama
• 7:46
  Speaker 5: like that.
• 7:47
  Speaker 1: I'll kick your ass.
• 7:48
  Speaker 5: Better be glad I don't know you stay, fool. Then
• 7:52
  Speaker 5: my wife got on there. I didn't know she was watching.
• 7:54
  Speaker 5: She was like, that's my mother-in-law. We'll kick your ass.
• 7:57
  Speaker 5: I've been wanting to say something to my wife for
• 7:59
  Speaker 5: a long time.
• 8:00
  Speaker 1: So I logged out.
• 8:01
  Speaker 5: Came back as the other dude. I said, first of all,
• 8:05
  Speaker 5: fat bitch, you need to lose some weight. Yo fat ass.
• 8:10
  Speaker 5: And your return said I look like banana pudding. I
• 8:12
  Speaker 5: don't know how Mario eats that shit. Then my father
• 8:15
  Speaker 5: got on there.
• 8:16
  Speaker 1: He's like, hey, hey, hey, hey.
• 8:17
  Speaker 5: That's enough. You don't disrespect my family. I said, you
• 8:20
  Speaker 5: ain't never took care of me, sucker. You a deadbeat dad.
• 8:25
  Speaker 5: But I forgot to log out.
• 8:28
  Speaker 1: Yeah, you'll find us.