Latest / Amazing Life Breakthrough / Ep 63 | Fear Doesn’t Get the Final Say

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Ep 63 | Fear Doesn’t Get the Final Say · Amazing Life Breakthrough

0:08
SPEAKER_00: There is something interesting about fear.
0:11
SPEAKER_00: It can feel so convincing that you start treating it like information.
0:15
SPEAKER_00: Your heart starts beating faster, your hands get a little shaky, your stomach tightens up, and suddenly your mind says, see, this must be a bad idea.
0:25
SPEAKER_00: But what if that feeling doesn't always mean stop?
0:28
SPEAKER_00: What if sometimes it just means this is new, this is important, and you care about what happens next?
0:33
SPEAKER_00: If you listened on Tuesday, I shared the story about unexpectedly landing one of the lead roles in my senior class play.
0:41
SPEAKER_00: I had never taken drama, never acted in a school play, and certainly didn't walk into that experience with a lot of confidence.
0:49
SPEAKER_00: In fact, during our first read through, I struggled to get the words out smoothly.
0:54
SPEAKER_00: I could feel the confidence of the people around me starting to fade, and my own confidence was dropping right along with it.
1:02
SPEAKER_00: If I had a label for it, such as dyslexia, I may have used that as an excuse not to keep on trying and simply walked away.
1:10
SPEAKER_00: But instead of walking away, I went home and found another way.
1:14
SPEAKER_00: I memorized the lines, I wrote them out by hand, used visual cues, and prepared until the words became natural.
1:22
SPEAKER_00: Then Robert and another experienced actor helped coach me on projection, movement, and how to actually perform the role.
1:31
SPEAKER_00: By opening night I was still nervous, but I walked out onto that stage anyway, and that is what I want to talk about today.
1:40
SPEAKER_00: Welcome to Amazing Life Breakthrough.
1:43
SPEAKER_00: I'm Steve Klein, and today we're going deeper into fear, confidence, preparation, and why sometimes the only way to discover what you are capable of is to step forward while part of you still wants to step back.
1:56
SPEAKER_00: One of the biggest mistakes we make is assuming confidence has to come first, is we think confident people act because they feel ready.
2:04
SPEAKER_00: But a lot of the time they feel ready because they acted.
2:07
SPEAKER_00: They did the difficult thing once, then again, then enough times that their mind finally had evidence, and that evidence starts changing the internal conversation.
2:18
SPEAKER_00: Before the senior play, I could have easily told myself I'm not an actor.
2:23
SPEAKER_00: And technically at that point, that was true.
2:26
SPEAKER_00: I had never acted, but there is a difference between saying, I have never done this, and saying I can't do this.
2:34
SPEAKER_00: One describes your history, the other tries to predict your future.
2:38
SPEAKER_00: That is a huge difference.
2:39
SPEAKER_00: How many things have we ruled out simply because we haven't tried them yet?
2:44
SPEAKER_00: I'm not a public speaker.
2:46
SPEAKER_00: Maybe you haven't spoken publicly very much.
2:49
SPEAKER_00: I'm terrible at business.
2:51
SPEAKER_00: Maybe you haven't learned business yet.
2:54
SPEAKER_00: I'm not creative.
2:55
SPEAKER_00: Maybe you haven't given yourself enough room to create without judging the first result.
3:01
SPEAKER_00: I'm not a leader.
3:02
SPEAKER_00: Maybe you haven't been placed in the situation that forces leadership out of you yet.
3:07
SPEAKER_00: We turn a lack of experience into a permanent identity.
3:11
SPEAKER_00: And sometimes fear loves that, because if you decide that's just not who I am, you never have to risk finding out.
3:18
SPEAKER_00: Now I want to be clear, there are natural strengths and weaknesses.
3:22
SPEAKER_00: Some people really are gifted at certain things more easily than others, and pretending everybody starts in exactly the same place would not be true.
3:30
SPEAKER_00: But natural ability is only part of the picture.
3:33
SPEAKER_00: Preparation changes things, coaching changes things, repetition changes things, and sometimes finding a different way of doing something changes everything.
3:42
SPEAKER_00: That happened to me with reading.
3:44
SPEAKER_00: Reading aloud fluently was difficult for me at that point in my life.
3:50
SPEAKER_00: Looking back, I believe I was dealing with what was likely undiagnosed dyslexia.
3:56
SPEAKER_00: Back then, though, I did not have a clear label for it.
3:59
SPEAKER_00: I just knew the experience was difficult.
4:01
SPEAKER_00: And I could have taken that difficulty as proof that I shouldn't be in the play.
4:05
SPEAKER_00: But instead, I asked a different question.
4:08
SPEAKER_00: If reading the lines cold is difficult, then what can I do that plays to the way my mind works better?
4:15
SPEAKER_00: I could memorize, I could create visual anchors, I could turn the words into something I didn't have to decode in the moment, and that worked.
4:23
SPEAKER_00: That lesson has stayed with me because sometimes a limitation is real, but the conclusion we attach to it is wrong.
4:30
SPEAKER_00: This is difficult for me, is not the same as there is no way through this.
4:34
SPEAKER_00: Maybe your route looks different, maybe you need more preparation than someone else.
4:38
SPEAKER_00: Maybe you need a coach, maybe you need more repetition, more structure, or a different learning method.
4:44
SPEAKER_00: That is not weakness, that is adaptation.
4:47
SPEAKER_00: And adaptation is one of the most useful abilities you can develop.
4:50
SPEAKER_00: A lot of breakthroughs happen when you stop asking, why can't I do it like everyone else?
4:56
SPEAKER_00: And start asking, what way works for me?
4:59
SPEAKER_00: Now, another big part of this story was Robert.
5:02
SPEAKER_00: He saw something in me before I had much evidence to see it myself.
5:05
SPEAKER_00: That can be powerful.
5:07
SPEAKER_00: Sometimes someone else's belief becomes temporary scaffolding while you are building your own confidence.
5:12
SPEAKER_00: A good coach, teacher, parent, spouse, friend, or mentor can say, I think you can do this.
5:19
SPEAKER_00: And for a while, you may need to borrow some of that belief.
5:23
SPEAKER_00: There's nothing wrong with that.
5:24
SPEAKER_00: The mistake would be depending on borrowed belief forever.
5:29
SPEAKER_00: Eventually you need your own evidence.
5:32
SPEAKER_00: And the way you get that evidence is through action.
5:35
SPEAKER_00: Robert could believe in me all day long, but at some point I had to memorize the lines, I had to practice, I had to listen to the coaching, and eventually I had to walk onto the stage.
5:46
SPEAKER_00: Nobody could do that part for me.
5:48
SPEAKER_00: That is where encouragement and responsibility meet.
5:51
SPEAKER_00: Someone may open the door, someone may believe in you, someone may teach you, but eventually you still have to step through.
5:58
SPEAKER_00: And I think this is important because sometimes we wait for someone else to remove the fear for us.
6:04
SPEAKER_00: We think if I had the right mentor, then I'd be ready.
6:07
SPEAKER_00: Or if somebody just gave me enough encouragement, then I could do it.
6:12
SPEAKER_00: Encouragement helps, mentorship helps.
6:14
SPEAKER_00: But neither replaces participation.
6:17
SPEAKER_00: You build confidence by participating in your own growth.
6:20
SPEAKER_00: Now, what about the physical side of fear?
6:22
SPEAKER_00: Because fear is not always just a thought.
6:25
SPEAKER_00: Sometimes you can feel it in your body before your mind even has time to explain it.
6:30
SPEAKER_00: Your heart speeds up, your mouth gets dry, your breathing changes, your muscles tense, and your attention narrows.
6:36
SPEAKER_00: That can make the fear itself feel like proof.
6:39
SPEAKER_00: You think if I'm reacting this strongly, maybe I shouldn't be doing this.
6:43
SPEAKER_00: But sometimes your body is simply preparing you.
6:46
SPEAKER_00: There is energy moving through you.
6:48
SPEAKER_00: The question is what you do with it.
6:50
SPEAKER_00: You can interpret the feeling as I'm falling apart, or you can interpret it as my body knows this is important and I'm getting ready.
6:59
SPEAKER_00: That shift doesn't magically erase the nerves, but it can change your relationship with them.
7:05
SPEAKER_00: I remember standing backstage before that performance.
7:09
SPEAKER_00: I had done the preparation, I knew the lines, I had been coached, but I still had nerves.
7:14
SPEAKER_00: That is real life.
7:15
SPEAKER_00: Preparation doesn't always make fear disappear.
7:18
SPEAKER_00: It makes you more capable while fear is still present.
7:21
SPEAKER_00: And once I stepped onto the stage, something changed.
7:25
SPEAKER_00: The fear had somewhere to go.
7:27
SPEAKER_00: It became movement, it became projection, it became focus, it became performance.
7:32
SPEAKER_00: And then I looked out and caught a glimpse of my mom, dad, and sister right there in front.
7:38
SPEAKER_00: That was one of those moments where part of me almost stepped outside myself for a second.
7:42
SPEAKER_00: There I was, actually doing it, not thinking about doing it, not wondering whether I could do it.
7:49
SPEAKER_00: I was just plain and simply doing it.
7:53
SPEAKER_00: And that kind of moment changes your identity because after you have done something, fear can no longer tell you that you are incapable of ever doing it.
8:01
SPEAKER_00: Maybe you weren't perfect, or maybe there is a lot of room to improve, but now you have proof.
8:06
SPEAKER_00: That is why action is so important.
8:08
SPEAKER_00: Confidence is built with evidence, and every time you step forward, you collect another piece.
8:14
SPEAKER_00: Now let's talk about perfection because perfection can hide inside fear.
8:18
SPEAKER_00: Sometimes people don't say, I'm afraid.
8:24
SPEAKER_00: That sounds responsible.
8:26
SPEAKER_00: And sometimes it is.
8:28
SPEAKER_00: But if not ready yet lasts for three years, five years, or ten years, you may need to ask whether preparation has quietly become avoidance.
8:37
SPEAKER_00: There will always be one more thing you could learn, one more practice session, one more class, one more improvement.
8:43
SPEAKER_00: At some point you have to leave rehearsal and go live.
8:46
SPEAKER_00: That is what performance teaches you.
8:49
SPEAKER_00: There comes a moment when preparation is done what preparation can do.
8:54
SPEAKER_00: Now the real learning begins.
8:58
SPEAKER_00: And I don't think I gave a perfect performance that night, and in fact I know I didn't.
9:03
SPEAKER_00: But I gave the best performance I knew how to give at that point in my life.
9:07
SPEAKER_00: That was enough.
9:09
SPEAKER_00: Not enough to stop improving forever.
9:11
SPEAKER_00: Enough to step forward because you see, you do not have to be finished before you begin.
9:18
SPEAKER_00: You only need to be prepared enough for the next level of the experience.
9:22
SPEAKER_00: Then the experience itself teaches you what preparation couldn't.
9:26
SPEAKER_00: That is true in business, it's true in relationships, it's true in leadership, it's true in speaking, and it's true anytime you're trying something that stretches your current identity.
9:37
SPEAKER_00: The first time will probably feel awkward.
9:40
SPEAKER_00: Good.
9:42
SPEAKER_00: That means it is actually the first time we should stop being embarrassed by beginnings.
9:46
SPEAKER_00: Beginnings are supposed to look like beginnings.
9:49
SPEAKER_00: Now being coachable was another piece of the puzzle for me.
9:52
SPEAKER_00: Robert and another actor had experience I didn't have.
9:56
SPEAKER_00: They knew things about performance that I had never learned, so they coached me and I listened.
10:01
SPEAKER_00: That may sound simple, but not everybody does that well.
10:04
SPEAKER_00: Sometimes our insecurity makes us defensive.
10:07
SPEAKER_00: We hear correction and interpret it as rejection.
10:10
SPEAKER_00: Someone says, try projecting your voice more.
10:13
SPEAKER_00: And what we hear is you're terrible.
10:15
SPEAKER_00: They say, slow down, and we hear, you're failing.
10:18
SPEAKER_00: But good coaching is not an attack on your identity.
10:22
SPEAKER_00: It is information about your performance.
10:24
SPEAKER_00: And the faster you can separate those two things, the faster you can improve.
10:29
SPEAKER_00: Someone can say that part needs work without saying you have no value.
10:34
SPEAKER_00: That is a mature distinction, and it can accelerate growth in almost any field.
10:39
SPEAKER_00: If you are stepping into something unfamiliar, find someone who is good at it and let them show you where your blind spots are.
10:46
SPEAKER_00: You don't have to accept every opinion.
10:48
SPEAKER_00: In fact, too many opinions can become its own problem.
10:52
SPEAKER_00: But one or two trusted people who understand the field and want you to succeed can save you years of unnecessary mistakes, then practice what they give you.
11:02
SPEAKER_00: That is where coaching becomes transformation.
11:04
SPEAKER_00: Now there is another layer to this story that I think is significant.
11:08
SPEAKER_00: The play came during my senior year after a difficult personal experience had already made me realize I did not want to finish high school having watched life from the sidelines.
11:19
SPEAKER_00: I'd been present in high school, but there were things I wanted to do that I simply had not done.
11:24
SPEAKER_00: No play, no choir, no sports, no talent shows.
11:28
SPEAKER_00: And at some point I realized that regret was starting to scare me more than participation.
11:34
SPEAKER_00: And that is an interesting shift.
11:36
SPEAKER_00: Sometimes fear doesn't disappear.
11:39
SPEAKER_00: A bigger concern simply replaces it.
11:41
SPEAKER_00: The fear of embarrassment gets smaller than the fear of never trying.
11:45
SPEAKER_00: The fear of failure gets smaller than the fear of wandering forever.
11:48
SPEAKER_00: The fear of being judged gets smaller than the desire to actually live.
11:53
SPEAKER_00: And when that shift happens, courage becomes easier.
11:56
SPEAKER_00: Not easy, easier.
11:58
SPEAKER_00: Because now you know what you are protecting yourself from and what that protection is costing you.
12:03
SPEAKER_00: Avoidance has a cost.
12:05
SPEAKER_00: That is something I think we forget.
12:07
SPEAKER_00: When you avoid something because of fear, you get immediate relief.
12:12
SPEAKER_00: You don't have to speak, you don't have to audition, you don't have to ask, you don't have to risk hearing no.
12:17
SPEAKER_00: That relief feels good in the moment.
12:19
SPEAKER_00: But then later, maybe you wonder, what if I had?
12:22
SPEAKER_00: Could I have done it?
12:23
SPEAKER_00: Would my life be different?
12:25
SPEAKER_00: That is the long-term cost.
12:27
SPEAKER_00: And for some decisions, that cost is much greater than a little temporary embarrassment.
12:31
SPEAKER_00: So how do you know when to push through fear and when to listen to it?
12:35
SPEAKER_00: That's where wisdom comes in.
12:36
SPEAKER_00: Fear can be protective.
12:38
SPEAKER_00: If something is genuinely unsafe, unethical, reckless, or beyond your current preparation, listen.
12:44
SPEAKER_00: But if the fear is mostly about embarrassment, unfamiliarity, judgment, or the possibility that you won't perform perfectly, that may be a sign to prepare rather than retreat.
12:56
SPEAKER_00: Ask yourself, is this fear warning me of actual danger, or is it protecting my comfort?
13:01
SPEAKER_00: That question can clear up a lot.
13:03
SPEAKER_00: If the fear says you don't know enough yet, maybe go learn.
13:07
SPEAKER_00: If it says you'll look stupid, that may not be a good enough reason to stop.
13:12
SPEAKER_00: If it says this could hurt someone, slow down.
13:15
SPEAKER_00: If it says, someone may judge you, welcome to being human, people judge.
13:20
SPEAKER_00: And then they move on.
13:21
SPEAKER_00: You still have a life to live.
13:24
SPEAKER_00: Now I want to give you a practical way to work with fear.
13:28
SPEAKER_00: Start with preparation.
13:30
SPEAKER_00: What can you do before the moment arrives that will make you more capable?
13:34
SPEAKER_00: Practice, rehearse, study, prepare your notes, visualize the situation, get feedback, and reduce unnecessary uncertainty.
13:43
SPEAKER_00: Then shrink the first step.
13:44
SPEAKER_00: You don't always have to jump onto the biggest stage.
13:47
SPEAKER_00: Maybe you practice your speech in front of two people before speaking to 200.
13:51
SPEAKER_00: Maybe you test the business idea with one customer before investing everything.
13:56
SPEAKER_00: Maybe you take one class before deciding on a whole career change.
14:00
SPEAKER_00: Give yourself a manageable first stage.
14:02
SPEAKER_00: Next, borrow belief wisely.
14:04
SPEAKER_00: Find someone who sees the possibility in you and knows enough to help.
14:08
SPEAKER_00: Let their confidence strengthen you temporarily, but then turn that belief into your own evidence through action.
14:14
SPEAKER_00: And finally review what happened honestly afterward, not was I perfect.
14:20
SPEAKER_00: Ask what went well, what did I learn?
14:23
SPEAKER_00: And what will I do differently next time?
14:25
SPEAKER_00: That keeps one awkward moment from becoming a permanent story about yourself.
14:30
SPEAKER_00: It turns experience into training.
14:33
SPEAKER_00: And when you do that repeatedly, confidence starts to become less mysterious.
14:38
SPEAKER_00: You realize it is not something certain people were simply born with.
14:42
SPEAKER_00: It is something you can build maybe slowly, maybe unevenly, but build nonetheless.
14:47
SPEAKER_00: And that is the breakthrough I want you to take from this.
14:50
SPEAKER_00: Confidence is not the absence of fear.
14:53
SPEAKER_00: It is the accumulation of evidence that fear does not have to control you.
14:57
SPEAKER_00: Every time you prepare and step forward, you teach yourself something.
15:01
SPEAKER_00: I can survive this.
15:03
SPEAKER_00: I can learn this.
15:04
SPEAKER_00: I can improve.
15:06
SPEAKER_00: I can be nervous and still function.
15:08
SPEAKER_00: I can make a mistake and recover.
15:11
SPEAKER_00: I can listen to feedback without collapsing.
15:14
SPEAKER_00: That evidence begins to change how you enter the next opportunity.
15:18
SPEAKER_00: And eventually something that once felt impossible becomes familiar.
15:22
SPEAKER_00: Not because the world changed, because you did.
15:27
SPEAKER_00: So here's your challenge this week.
15:29
SPEAKER_00: Choose one thing you have been avoiding because you do not feel confident enough yet.
15:33
SPEAKER_00: Make it something realistic, then separate the fear from the preparation.
15:38
SPEAKER_00: Write down what you are actually afraid of.
15:40
SPEAKER_00: And next to it, write one thing you can do to prepare.
15:43
SPEAKER_00: If you are afraid of public speaking, practice aloud.
15:47
SPEAKER_00: If you are afraid of an interview, rehearse the questions.
15:50
SPEAKER_00: If you are afraid of asking for an opportunity, prepare what you want to say.
15:55
SPEAKER_00: If you are afraid of trying something new, find someone who already knows how and ask for a little coaching, then set one small date to act.
16:03
SPEAKER_00: Because the goal is not to wait until you are fearless.
16:07
SPEAKER_00: The goal is to become prepared enough that fear no longer gets the final vote.
16:11
SPEAKER_00: That senior class play did more for me than give me a night on stage.
16:15
SPEAKER_00: It gave me a new piece of evidence about myself.
16:18
SPEAKER_00: I could step into something unfamiliar.
16:20
SPEAKER_00: I could work around a limitation, I could be coached, I could feel nervous and still perform.
16:25
SPEAKER_00: And once you learn that in one part of your life, it tends to travel with you.
16:31
SPEAKER_00: The next challenge looks a little different because now you know something you didn't know before, you now know that you can step forward.
16:40
SPEAKER_00: If this episode spoke to you, share it with someone who may be waiting for confidence before they give themselves permission to begin.
16:47
SPEAKER_00: And if you haven't yet, follow or subscribe to Amazing Life Breakthrough so you don't miss future episodes.
16:54
SPEAKER_00: If you'd like to support the mission financially, you can make a small donation at AmazingLifebreakthrough.com.
17:02
SPEAKER_00: Every contribution helps us continue sharing messages that may give someone the breakthrough they need at exactly the right time.
17:10
SPEAKER_00: Thanks for spending this time with me on Amazing Life Breakthrough.
17:13
SPEAKER_00: And remember to live life to the fullest.