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S2 Ep14: The Parent Perspective 🤣 · Funny Comedy | Laugh Out Loud

• 0:00
  SPEAKER_00: We're having these different conversations that I feel like are so important because we're talking about things that definitely people that grew up in certain generations never heard of.
• 0:08
  SPEAKER_00: Right?
• 0:08
  SPEAKER_00: Like we're talking about toxic parenting.
• 0:11
  SPEAKER_00: Right.
• 0:12
  SPEAKER_00: We never heard that growing up.
• 0:14
  SPEAKER_00: And let me tell you something.
• 0:15
  SPEAKER_00: Like I said, I'm Puerto Rican, I guarantee you, nobody's cornered the market on toxic parenting.
• 0:23
  SPEAKER_00: Like Latino parents.
• 0:28
  SPEAKER_00: Man.
• 0:29
  SPEAKER_00: Oh, look at us trauma bonding.
• 0:34
  SPEAKER_00: It hurts so bueno, doesn't it?
• 0:39
  SPEAKER_00: I'm telling you, man.
• 0:40
  SPEAKER_00: We put the tra in trauma.
• 0:42
  SPEAKER_00: That was us.
• 0:44
  SPEAKER_00: That was all us.
• 0:46
  SPEAKER_00: Just Alma, we spiced it up.
• 0:50
  SPEAKER_00: That's why we have to talk about stuff like toxic parenting, because a lot of us didn't even realize we had toxic parents until we looked over our childhoods with today's guidelines.
• 1:00
  SPEAKER_00: I thought I was safe.
• 1:03
  SPEAKER_00: I was like, nah, I love my parents.
• 1:05
  SPEAKER_00: My parents love me.
• 1:07
  SPEAKER_00: What's that?
• 1:07
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, they hit me.
• 1:12
  SPEAKER_00: Every day.
• 1:14
  SPEAKER_00: But only when I was doing kid stuff.
• 1:20
  SPEAKER_00: Let me see that list real quick.
• 1:21
  SPEAKER_00: Let me look real quick.
• 1:23
  SPEAKER_00: So all the information they know now about raising kids, and I was like, oh no.
• 1:29
  SPEAKER_00: I need so much therapy.
• 1:30
  SPEAKER_00: Like, that's wild.
• 1:32
  SPEAKER_00: I hope there's a punch card.
• 1:37
  SPEAKER_00: Trying to explain therapy to Latino parents.
• 1:42
  SPEAKER_00: Look at that.
• 1:42
  SPEAKER_00: Look at that.
• 1:44
  SPEAKER_00: Look at that.
• 1:45
  SPEAKER_00: That hit you right in the trauma, right there, L.
• 1:49
  SPEAKER_00: Man.
• 1:49
  SPEAKER_00: I was like, I cannot sanasana away depression.
• 1:56
  SPEAKER_00: Not how that works.
• 2:00
  SPEAKER_00: If you don't know what sanasana is, allow me to explain.
• 2:07
  SPEAKER_00: For those that don't know, Latinos have this thing that we say when like little kids get hurt.
• 2:14
  SPEAKER_00: It's a little rhyme, make them feel better, you know what I mean?
• 2:17
  SPEAKER_00: Sana sana, colita de rana, sino sanas hoy, sanaras mañana.
• 2:22
  SPEAKER_00: You're all healed.
• 2:30
  SPEAKER_00: One time my husband was like, Can you translate that?
• 2:32
  SPEAKER_00: And I was like, nah.
• 2:39
  SPEAKER_00: Nah, man.
• 2:41
  SPEAKER_00: Anything you translate from another language into English always loses something.
• 2:46
  SPEAKER_00: Because the other languages are often so poetic, especially Spanish, such a poetic language.
• 2:51
  SPEAKER_00: And if you translate it, it just loses all validity.
• 2:57
  SPEAKER_00: Because translated, it's save, save, butt of a frog.
• 3:03
  SPEAKER_00: If you don't heal today, you'll heal tomorrow.
• 3:09
  SPEAKER_00: It's just passive aggressive witchcraft.
• 3:12
  SPEAKER_00: That's all it is.
• 3:13
  SPEAKER_00: That's all it is.
• 3:15
  SPEAKER_00: Save, save, butt of a frog.
• 3:19
  SPEAKER_00: You have to say it in Spanish, or your children will have nightmares.
• 3:23
  SPEAKER_00: Like you can't.
• 3:30
  SPEAKER_00: It's such a crazy time to like be a parent because we're doing things so different.
• 3:35
  SPEAKER_00: Right?
• 3:35
  SPEAKER_00: Like now you can choose your parenting style, like you used to choose a Mortal Kombat fighter.
• 3:43
  SPEAKER_00: Our parents only had one style.
• 3:45
  SPEAKER_00: It was survival.
• 3:45
  SPEAKER_00: That was it.
• 3:46
  SPEAKER_00: They just had to make it through.
• 3:48
  SPEAKER_00: But we chose conscious parenting, me and my husband, conscious parenting, which is uh annoying.
• 3:54
  SPEAKER_00: I'm not gonna lie to you, it's annoying because it's not permissive.
• 3:57
  SPEAKER_00: It's literally realizing every way in which you affect a tiny human life.
• 4:03
  SPEAKER_00: And you have to be so aware of everything, and it's so hard because you want you want to fight them.
• 4:08
  SPEAKER_00: You want, you know you shouldn't, you know it's not their fault, but you find yourself getting frustrated at the craziest things.
• 4:17
  SPEAKER_00: Because I would just be like, why can't you use a spoon?
• 4:24
  SPEAKER_00: Give my son a spoon, he's like no, you crackhead.
• 4:37
  SPEAKER_00: There's yogurt everywhere now.
• 4:42
  SPEAKER_00: And the stakes just get higher and higher as you go along.
• 4:46
  SPEAKER_00: What you have to teach them, what you have to be patient with, because now we're at potty training.
• 4:54
  SPEAKER_00: Literally, there was one time my son made full-on eye contact with me as he pooped on my living room floor.
• 5:04
  SPEAKER_00: And as a conscious parent, I was like, Way to listen to your body, little man.
• 5:20
  SPEAKER_00: What am I gonna do?
• 5:22
  SPEAKER_00: What am I gonna do?
• 5:23
  SPEAKER_00: He's a kid, he doesn't know any better.
• 5:24
  SPEAKER_00: What am I gonna roll up a newspaper, bang him on the head of the head, push his face in it?
• 5:28
  SPEAKER_00: No, bad baby! I would call the cops on myself if I did that.
• 5:34
  SPEAKER_00: I'm like, you gotta come get me.
• 5:35
  SPEAKER_00: I finally broke.
• 5:38
  SPEAKER_00: But here's the amazing thing about conscious parenting that they don't tell you you learn as you do it.
• 5:44
  SPEAKER_00: The more you consciously parent your kid, the more it heals all of your crap.
• 5:50
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, it really does.
• 5:51
  SPEAKER_00: Because you end up parenting the way you wish you had been parented.
• 6:00
  SPEAKER_00: I found this out in the moment with my son because we were we do affirmations every morning.
• 6:05
  SPEAKER_00: I know it's a dara.
• 6:08
  SPEAKER_00: Don't get it twisted, it's Snoop Dogg affirmations.
• 6:11
  SPEAKER_00: I want to thank me.
• 6:13
  SPEAKER_00: No, I um it's a great affirmation.
• 6:17
  SPEAKER_00: No, Snoop Dogg has a kid show.
• 6:18
  SPEAKER_00: If you don't know, it's amazing, yeah, right?
• 6:20
  SPEAKER_00: Doggy land.
• 6:21
  SPEAKER_00: If you don't know about it, watch it.
• 6:22
  SPEAKER_00: He plays a character named Bow Whizzle, you're welcome.
• 6:26
  SPEAKER_00: The song's all slap, you're welcome.
• 6:28
  SPEAKER_00: So we were doing our Snoop Dogg affirmations, and my son has that cute little toddler voice, you know what I mean?
• 6:33
  SPEAKER_00: Like that, like I was like, say I am strong, and he's like, I am twong.
• 6:37
  SPEAKER_00: Like, say I am brave.
• 6:38
  SPEAKER_00: He's like, I am boyf.
• 6:40
  SPEAKER_00: And then I felt it, like all the stuff I didn't get.
• 6:43
  SPEAKER_00: You know what I mean?
• 6:43
  SPEAKER_00: In that moment, I felt that, and like before I knew it, I was like, say I am loved.
• 6:57
  SPEAKER_00: I gotta call your grandma.
• 7:06
  SPEAKER_00: I don't even see that coming, man.
• 7:10
  SPEAKER_00: And it's so crazy now I'm being a boy mom.
• 7:13
  SPEAKER_00: Because uh the microscope is on us, man.
• 7:15
  SPEAKER_00: We are underneath such a microscope, everything we do.
• 7:19
  SPEAKER_00: And I'm I'm fine with it, because I think if we change the game, we could really change how things work out in the world.
• 7:25
  SPEAKER_00: I really do.
• 7:25
  SPEAKER_00: I don't mind it, you know what I mean?
• 7:27
  SPEAKER_00: And my girlfriends were on it right away.
• 7:28
  SPEAKER_00: The second they found out that I was having a little boy, they were like, it's all up to you.
• 7:34
  SPEAKER_00: You gotta fight the patriarchy.
• 7:38
  SPEAKER_00: And I was like, can I teach him the alphabet first?
• 7:42
  SPEAKER_00: I can.
• 7:43
  SPEAKER_00: I just gotta be real intentional with it, you know what I mean?
• 7:45
  SPEAKER_00: Like, A is for accountability, B is for bodily autonomy, and C is for consent.
• 7:51
  SPEAKER_00: Repeat it to mommy.
• 7:59
  SPEAKER_00: You have to be aware of these things, you know what I mean?
• 8:02
  SPEAKER_00: And I think the thing that's hard now is that there's so many opinions on parenting now, and you don't know where to go.
• 8:09
  SPEAKER_00: You know what I mean?
• 8:10
  SPEAKER_00: And as a parent, it can be hard to take the opinion of somebody who like doesn't have kids, for instance.
• 8:16
  SPEAKER_00: I found myself getting frustrated at people that would give parenting advice that don't have kids.
• 8:20
  SPEAKER_00: And I I felt the way that a lot of parents do.
• 8:22
  SPEAKER_00: Like, if you're not living this life, how do you know what to tell me to do?
• 8:26
  SPEAKER_00: Until I realized the reason why I should listen to these people is that they may not have kids, but they are coming from a perspective of a person who experienced a certain type of parenting.
• 8:40
  SPEAKER_00: And I really had to think, what would my son say about my parenting?
• 8:44
  SPEAKER_00: And what would I want him to say about my parenting?
• 8:47
  SPEAKER_00: Not all of it, some people are dumb.
• 8:51
  SPEAKER_00: Don't listen to everyone.
• 8:54
  SPEAKER_00: Because I did have a I did have a girlfriend that was like, you better raise him right.
• 8:57
  SPEAKER_00: And I'm like, what did you think the plan was?
• 9:03
  SPEAKER_00: Don't you think?
• 9:05
  SPEAKER_00: Think I got pregnant and I was like, I will raise him evil.
• 9:13
  SPEAKER_00: Go forth and destroy my child.
• 9:18
  SPEAKER_00: Of course I want to raise a good human being.
• 9:21
  SPEAKER_00: But I also don't like being told what to do.
• 9:26
  SPEAKER_00: So the second she said that, there was a part of me that wanted to be like, nope.
• 9:31
  SPEAKER_00: I was gonna, but then you had said what you said.
• 9:35
  SPEAKER_00: Now I gotta make sure he has a misogynistic podcast by the age of seven.
• 9:41
  SPEAKER_00: Just sitting there with some big old headphones, like, as a, as a ultimate.
• 9:49
  SPEAKER_00: And I'm behind him with my problematic boy mom self, like, that's right, baby, these hoes ain't loyal.
• 9:59
  SPEAKER_00: It's just me and you forever.
• 10:09
  SPEAKER_00: I can never be that mom.
• 10:11
  SPEAKER_00: I can never be that mom.
• 10:13
  SPEAKER_00: There's a lot of things that I like, I saw people doing that I knew I wasn't gonna do as a mom.
• 10:17
  SPEAKER_00: Like the one thing I don't do is boys will be boys.
• 10:20
  SPEAKER_00: I don't do that with my son.
• 10:21
  SPEAKER_00: It's too permissive.
• 10:21
  SPEAKER_00: There's no equivalent for little girls.
• 10:23
  SPEAKER_00: So I don't allow it.
• 10:24
  SPEAKER_00: And you know, the parents that I've seen do it, it gets out of hand real quick.
• 10:28
  SPEAKER_00: You just know it's gonna snowball to bigger things, like boys will be boys.
• 10:32
  SPEAKER_00: He stabbed the babysitter.
• 10:37
  SPEAKER_00: He's a boy.
• 10:39
  SPEAKER_00: He's learning to express.
• 10:42
  SPEAKER_00: And I know you're not supposed to judge other parents, but I do.
• 10:48
  SPEAKER_00: I do, I do.
• 10:50
  SPEAKER_00: Only when I see them doing things that are detrimental to their children or to parenting in general.
• 10:56
  SPEAKER_00: I can't help but pick up on that now.
• 10:58
  SPEAKER_00: Like there was a woman who put out a video and it went viral, and this was the whole video.
• 11:01
  SPEAKER_00: She goes, I'm gonna teach my son how to cook, so your daughter can't trick him into a relationship with her cooking.
• 11:09
  SPEAKER_00: First of all, don't nobody want your dusty son.
• 11:13
  SPEAKER_00: First of all, don't act like a basic skill is something to brag about.
• 11:21
  SPEAKER_00: And second, how long you been out the dating pool, ma'am?
• 11:25
  SPEAKER_00: What do you think is gonna happen?
• 11:26
  SPEAKER_00: You think I'm just gonna leave a trail of empanadas that lead to an altar?
• 11:30
  SPEAKER_00: You're gonna be like, oh no, I'm married.
• 11:36
  SPEAKER_00: What kind of idiot did you raise?
• 11:42
  SPEAKER_00: There were so many things, and when, you know, me and my husband when we talked about how we were gonna do this, that we decided we were just not gonna do, right?
• 11:50
  SPEAKER_00: And there were certain things we promised ourselves that we would do.
• 11:53
  SPEAKER_00: Because there was a lot to consider.
• 11:54
  SPEAKER_00: Not only do we want to raise a good human being, but also my son is multicultural.
• 11:59
  SPEAKER_00: Like I said, he's mixed.
• 12:00
  SPEAKER_00: He's half Puerto Rican, half white, hard T.
• 12:08
  SPEAKER_00: That Midwest white hits different, you know what I'm saying?
• 12:10
  SPEAKER_00: Like that's I know there's white people here, but if my husband walked in, even y'all would be like, that's a white guy.
• 12:16
  SPEAKER_00: Like you'd be like, be like, I'm white, but that's unseasoned chicken that just walked through the front door.
• 12:21
  SPEAKER_00: That is that is level 10 white.
• 12:31
  SPEAKER_00: Don't y'all come for my porcelain king.
• 12:38
  SPEAKER_00: There's a couple guys in the audience that are like porcelain king.
• 12:43
  SPEAKER_00: I'm gonna use that later.
• 12:47
  SPEAKER_00: But I had to think about that, man.
• 12:48
  SPEAKER_00: Like, my son, my son is mixed.
• 12:50
  SPEAKER_00: Or as I like to say, his DNA's been colonized.
• 13:01
  SPEAKER_00: That is my favorite way of saying it.
• 13:04
  SPEAKER_00: Because people are always like, ha ha, wait a minute.
• 13:08
  SPEAKER_00: She's snug in history.
• 13:13
  SPEAKER_00: I have to think about that though.
• 13:14
  SPEAKER_00: Honestly, as the mother of a mixed child, I have to think about the fact that a lot of his childhood is going to be me explaining my half of his makeup and the history of those people.
• 13:22
  SPEAKER_00: And I know he's gonna have questions.
• 13:24
  SPEAKER_00: Because all kids have questions, and I'm petrified.
• 13:28
  SPEAKER_00: Because I don't know if you've heard the level of questions these children are asking, but these are jeopardy level questions.
• 13:37
  SPEAKER_00: And I am quite honestly not prepared.
• 13:40
  SPEAKER_02: I'm just waiting for the day where he's like, what happened to the indigenous people of the Caribbean, mommy?
• 13:52
  SPEAKER_00: And then I just look at his dad.
• 14:01
  SPEAKER_00: This is your time to shine, sir! My poor son is walking around like I come from the oppressor and the oppressed.
• 14:17
  SPEAKER_00: I'm the problem and the solution.
• 14:25
  SPEAKER_00: I'm like, that's right, baby.
• 14:27
  SPEAKER_00: Also, don't take no blankets from daddy's side of the family.
• 14:33
  SPEAKER_00: If you got that last part, if you got that last part, I love you from the bottom of my heart.
• 14:47
  SPEAKER_00: Because the amount of times I looked out at an audience of people, that's like, what's wrong with their blankets?
• 14:51
  SPEAKER_00: What's wrong?
• 14:53
  SPEAKER_00: What's the thread count on the blankets?
• 15:01
  SPEAKER_00: I'm proud of my son, he's doing great, he speaks English and Spanish.
• 15:04
  SPEAKER_00: And um, yeah.
• 15:07
  SPEAKER_00: Humble brag.
• 15:10
  SPEAKER_00: And really, look, if if you're in the audience and you're you're Latino, Latina, Latine, Latinex, any of them, and you don't speak Spanish, that is okay.
• 15:19
  SPEAKER_00: It doesn't make you lesser, it doesn't mean that people should make you feel lesser.
• 15:24
  SPEAKER_00: I, yeah.
• 15:27
  SPEAKER_00: I spent a lot of my younger years so judged because I didn't speak Spanish well enough for the people around me that I just stopped altogether and didn't learn until I was older.
• 15:39
  SPEAKER_00: And here's the thing, I'm also third generation.
• 15:42
  SPEAKER_00: And if you're third generation, then you know what I'm talking about.
• 15:45
  SPEAKER_00: By the time I came around, everybody had assimilated already.
• 15:49
  SPEAKER_00: So English was the norm in our household.
• 15:51
  SPEAKER_00: When my parents were growing up, it was different.
• 15:53
  SPEAKER_00: They spoke Spanish only inside the house.
• 15:55
  SPEAKER_00: But that's because at that time there was something called a gag law, where Puerto Ricans could not display a Puerto Rican flag or speak or sing any sort of patriotic songs.
• 16:03
  SPEAKER_00: It was dangerous to speak Spanish outside of the house.
• 16:06
  SPEAKER_00: So for me, I didn't speak it in the house.
• 16:09
  SPEAKER_00: I only spoke English, so I learned it from all of my co-workers when I started working.
• 16:14
  SPEAKER_00: And all of my co-workers were Mexican.
• 16:25
  SPEAKER_00: So my Spanish is very confusing.
• 16:31
  SPEAKER_00: Because I'm a Puerto Rican who speaks Spanish with a Mexican accent, but uses Puerto Rican and Mexican terminology.
• 16:40
  SPEAKER_00: My Spanish sounds like what a ransom note looks like.
• 16:54
  SPEAKER_00: People who are fluent in Spanish hear me speak Spanish and they're like, where are you from?
• 16:59
  SPEAKER_00: I don't know, man.
• 17:00
  SPEAKER_00: I'm trying to figure it out.
• 17:03
  SPEAKER_00: My son does, he speaks Spanish, but he's nervous in Spanish, so he like whispers in Spanish.
• 17:07
  SPEAKER_00: I know it's adorable and creepy, huh?
• 17:11
  SPEAKER_00: Kids do not know the rules of whispering.
• 17:13
  SPEAKER_00: So they just like do it whenever.
• 17:16
  SPEAKER_00: I'll be like washing the dishes, and behind me I hear siete.
• 17:27
  SPEAKER_00: Mommy's gonna burn some sage now.
• 17:32
  SPEAKER_00: Try to get the demon of Columbus out of you.
• 17:47
  SPEAKER_00: I'll tell you what.
• 17:49
  SPEAKER_00: First of all, we should start with this.
• 17:50
  SPEAKER_00: I should have started here.
• 17:51
  SPEAKER_00: I didn't even know I was pregnant.
• 17:52
  SPEAKER_00: We should have probably started there.
• 17:55
  SPEAKER_00: I mean, I knew before the delivery date.
• 17:57
  SPEAKER_00: I didn't like I didn't show up at the hospital like my tummy hurts.
• 18:08
  SPEAKER_00: But I didn't know for a while.
• 18:09
  SPEAKER_00: I'm gonna be real with y'all.
• 18:10
  SPEAKER_00: I didn't know for a while.
• 18:11
  SPEAKER_00: And then people are like, how did you not know?
• 18:13
  SPEAKER_00: Well, that that's what happens when your weight fluctuates.
• 18:15
  SPEAKER_00: Nobody talks about this.
• 18:16
  SPEAKER_00: But my weight went up and I was like, oh, I'm fat again.
• 18:18
  SPEAKER_00: Like I wasn't mad about it.
• 18:20
  SPEAKER_00: I was like, who's thick?
• 18:22
  SPEAKER_00: You thick?
• 18:22
  SPEAKER_00: Ow.
• 18:23
  SPEAKER_00: Like I was like.
• 18:28
  SPEAKER_00: My thighs got bigger.
• 18:29
  SPEAKER_00: I was like, I'm about to change some lives.
• 18:32
  SPEAKER_00: And then I went to a doctor and he was like, nah, that's a person.
• 18:35
  SPEAKER_00: Like, what's wrong with you?
• 18:38
  SPEAKER_00: It's a whole baby.
• 18:39
  SPEAKER_00: I was like, that's a foot?
• 18:40
  SPEAKER_00: I thought that was gas.
• 18:41
  SPEAKER_00: That's wild.
• 18:44
  SPEAKER_00: You sure check again.
• 18:45
  SPEAKER_00: I ate some cheese earlier.
• 18:47
  SPEAKER_00: You might see a block of breeze.
• 18:49
  SPEAKER_00: That looks like a foot.
• 18:51
  SPEAKER_00: But it was a whole baby.
• 18:55
  SPEAKER_00: Freaked out, I'm not gonna lie.
• 18:57
  SPEAKER_00: But as soon as I saw that first like ultrasound, I was sold.
• 19:01
  SPEAKER_00: That was it, I was sold, man.
• 19:03
  SPEAKER_00: And I had a great pregnancy.
• 19:04
  SPEAKER_00: I had no complications, no morning sickness, and all my girlfriends who had kids were like, must be nice.
• 19:11
  SPEAKER_00: I was like, it was.
• 19:14
  SPEAKER_00: I can't help it if I'm God's favorite, man.
• 19:18
  SPEAKER_00: Pick a God, any God.
• 19:19
  SPEAKER_00: I'm a favorite across the board, man.