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Why narcissists want to be indispensable · The Mental Healness Podcast

• 0:00
  What is going on, beautiful people?
• 0:02
  Welcome to another episode of the Narcissist Code.
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  I'm your favorite selfaware narcissist, Mr. Lee Hammett,
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  better known as mental illness across all social media
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  platforms. This is the first time seeing my
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  face or hearing my voice. I'm a clinically diagnosed
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  narcissist and I use my platform on social media to raise
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  awareness of NPD, get more people to do therapy like
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  myself, and also validate the victims, survivors and the
• 0:22
  thrivers of said disorder, said toxic traits.
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  Today's episode is going to be about why narcissists want to be
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  indispensable, why they want to make it harder for you to get
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  rid of them, for make it harder for you to let them go and
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  whatnot. Y'all.
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  So before you happen today's episode, y'all make sure that
• 0:43
  y'all subscribe to my e-mail list newsletter because my kids
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  book is done and it will be released in the next coming
• 0:50
  days. Sneak peek to my subscribers, to
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  my newsletter link is in the description of every video and
• 0:56
  podcast that I do. So thanks for you.
• 0:59
  Thank you for all that. So yeah, so yeah, I just left
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  therapy. Like, this is me fresh in my in
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  my car from therapy because I had a, you know, I love getting
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  therapy breakthroughs and whatnot.
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  And we my, my therapist pretty much helped me come to the
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  consensus that in my mind I want to be indispensable.
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  And I think a lot of narcissistic people feel the
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  same way. They want to make it harder for
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  you to get rid of them, but we want to make it harder for you
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  to get rid of us. Because we need to be validated.
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  We need to have our experiences validated.
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  We need to feel whole. We need to feel like you can't
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  abandon us. We need to feel safe and secure
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  because that's what indispensable means to a lot of
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  narcissistic people, especially myself, you know, safety.
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  Being indispensable means safety.
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  It means security. It means that I'm going to be
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  around you or around this situation for an extended period
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  of time. Like, it provides me this type
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  of, this type of mindset of being in control of what now.
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  And these are fresh thoughts from therapy because that's my,
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  that's my homework, is to figure out what does indispensable mean
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  to me? Because I want to be
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  indispensable. Like, I don't like a lot of
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  narcissists do this, but not all of them.
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  Everybody's going to be different.
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  But me personally, I It's hard for me to work with people.
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  Y'all. So it's hard for me to be.
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  It's hard for me to give credit to other people.
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  I like to do things on my own. I like to build stuff up on my
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  own. That way nobody else can take
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  credit for that way. I'm not.
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  I'm not dispensable. You see what I'm saying?
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  I'm indispensable in that way. Right there.
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  It's harder to get rid of me if I'm the creator, I'm the owner,
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  I'm the CEO, I'm the leader. It's harder to get rid of me in
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  that space right there because I have abandonment issues.
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  Y'all I just do. I have a big, huge objects fear
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  of being abandoned. So if I had this fear of
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  abandonment and it's just eating away at me, it's consistently
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  eating away at me, then I'm going to make, I'm going to make
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  it harder for abandonment to happen.
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  My inner child does not like being abandoned.
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  My the adult virgin of me, I'm fine.
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  I know people come and go out of people's lives, whatever,
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  everybody doesn't stay. But my inner child is just like,
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  no, I don't want to be abandoned.
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  We don't want to be abandoned. So if I, if I, as your inner
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  child do not want to be abandoned, then you need to feel
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  the same way because we are one and the same we are.
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  We are together in this. You know, when I say we, I'm
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  talking about the older versions of myself and also my inner
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  child. So that's one thing we noticed.
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  Like I don't like people getting credit for what I've for what I
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  do, even if they were part of the journey.
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  Like one of the main things that used to trigger me a lot, y'all,
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  is when people used to get my wife credit for how far I've
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  come in therapy. That used to be an immediate
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  trigger for me or I even when I when I worked.
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  Because like, this is my journey.
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  I'm a therapy. I'm the one putting the work in,
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  you know, but she's a part of it.
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  But that would trigger me because I need to feel
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  indispensable. I need to feel in control.
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  I need to feel like y'all can't get rid of me because this is my
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  journey, this is my story. I can do this story without her.
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  You see what I'm saying? I don't want her getting credit
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  for my journey, even though she is a part of it.
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  That's crazy mindset is not crazy mindset, that's childish
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  mindset. The inner child is in in in my
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  what I'm thinking like that my inner child is in control.
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  I'm not in control like me, the adult version that you see in
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  front of you, I'm not in control.
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  My inner child is in control in that space, in that situation
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  right there. So that happens quite a bit.
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  Y'all. That's why I just tell people it
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  it it is tough to have this type of mindset.
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  It it really just is y'all because trying to work through
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  it, trying to battle through it and things of that nature, it
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  really does just eat away at you like and she's like, yeah, you
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  feel like you don't. It's not.
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  You don't trust people to keep you around if you help them
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  succeed sometimes. And it happens, y'all it
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  happens. A lot of my friendships, like
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  even when I had a business, a business relationship, business,
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  business partnership with my guy used to do real estate with
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  people and I was literally the head of this team.
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  Like he didn't really do anything anyway.
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  But people used to always be like, y'all are a great team.
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  Y'all are killing me and I be like, I did this without him.
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  I can do this without him. And I proved it that we not even
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  we don't talk anymore because he did some more shady, grimey
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  stuff. I'm not sure I might share my
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  story of dealing with a narcissistic friend sooner or
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  later when I get to that point, but that happens.
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  Y'all. It's just like he crossed the
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  boundaries. And like people used to say,
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  y'all work great together. Y'all are a great team and I
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  used to always take offense to that.
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  We were a team, but it was my stuff.
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  Like I don't like people taking credit for because then I don't
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  feel indispensable. Then I'm not in control.
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  Then if it's not my if I'm not in control, you can abandon me.
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  You see that fear of abandonment.
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  It it. The fear of abandonment is like
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  a damn disease that infects, infects, infects so many
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  different aspects of narcissistic people's lives.
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  Y'all just this overall fear of abandonment.
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  It really is a disease and it just it.
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  Everything you touches is, you know, everything it touches gets
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  infected, gets infected by toxicity, gets infected by a lot
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  of different things. So I tell people all the time,
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  narcissistic people are afraid of being abandoned.
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  It's just one of those things. And they want to make themselves
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  feel indispensable. They want to keep you around.
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  They want to guarantee a space in, a space to be around.
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  So that's why you see sometimes narcissistic people like to move
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  fast in your life. They like to become
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  indispensable in your life really, really fast.
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  They like to get you to fall in love with them really quickly.
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  Sometimes y'all have babies really quickly.
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  Sometimes you live together really quickly.
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  Sometimes you buy cars and other things really quickly that tie
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  you to this person. Now I'm indispensable.
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  Now you have to deal with me. You see what I'm saying?
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  Now you have to deal with me. You can't abandon me.
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  You can't get rid of me. Now you know there has to
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  control right there. So if I'm indispensable, then I
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  cannot be abandoned. There's safety inside the mind
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  of a narcissistic person that feels like you cannot abandon
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  them. They feel like they're in
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  control. They feel like they have the
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  power. There's safety in that right
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  there. Y'all.
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  So I try to convey that to a lot of people that a narcissistic
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  person in your life, they probably want to feel
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  indispensable in your life in some way, shape or form.
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  So think about this right here. Y'all think about where you are
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  in your relationship dynamic with a narcissistic person.
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  And this doesn't have to be an intimate partner.
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  This can be your parent, this could be your sibling, this
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  could be your workplace, this could be your job, this could be
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  so much other, this could be so many other things.
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  Y'all this is not is not just one singular thing, this could
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  be a plethora of things. So think about what the what
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  what in your life the narcissistic person has done in
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  your life to feel indispensable. Put in the conversation.
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  You made it this far. Drop it in the conversation if
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  you feel, if you feel free and not to do it, if you feel a not
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  not brave, the bravery plays a part in it.
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  But if you feel safe, brave, whatever adjective y'all want to
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  use, like drop it in the comment section.
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  Drop what made that narcissistic, narcissistic
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  person now that you think about when you had a child, when
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  you've had time to think about it, drop it in the comment
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  section of what they did to make themselves be indispensable in
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  their life. Even if you left them, even if
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  you got rid of them, even if you even if you've broken up with
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  them. What did they do to make
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  themselves indispensable in your life?
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  Or what did they try to do? Did they try to have a kid with
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  you really quickly? Did they try to get engaged or
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  married to you really quickly? Did they try to live with you
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  really quickly? What did they do in order to
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  make themselves indispensable within your life?
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  Ask yourself that question. I feel like it can.
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  I feel like that right there can help a lot of people heal.
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  Understand that right. Understand that space right
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  there. Because narcissistic people,
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  their abandonment issues, damn near control their entire life.
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  You know, their abandonment issues, them their control and
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  run the entirety of their life. That's just, that is part of it
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  is a big part of the narcissistic person dealing with
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  their abandonment issues, their fear of abandonment.
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  They'll cheat on you so they can feel like they they can be in
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  control, like they'll have kids with other people out.
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  They want to be indispensable in your life.
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  So ask yourself that question. What have they done to be
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  indispensable in your life because it can help you heal it
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  can help you set free set free. Like what if what have they done
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  How are they indispensable? Kids are the yeah, I'm not
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  saying kids are the easiest way for them to feel indispensable
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  but kids are the quantity quickest way like having kids
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  with this person or getting like getting them involved in your
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  life really quickly. That's one of the ways that they
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  they can feel indispensable very very quickly.
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  Y'all look at me doing. I'm doing my I'm doing my
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  therapy homework on camera because I feel like I need to
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  document this. Because sometimes if you if I
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  don't do it right now, I won't do it later.
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  Like a lot of my stuff and a lot of stuff that is holding me back
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  in my life right now is the fact that I need to feel
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  indispensable in a lot of different things.
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  So I need to release control of certain things to help myself
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  grow. Sometimes it's like, you know,
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  sometimes when you hold onto a rope, there's an anchor on the
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  bottom of it. It's anchoring you into this sea
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  of toxicity, this sea, this sea of mediocrity, this sea of
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  comfortability is I have to get it uncomfortable.
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  That's part of it. Y'all.
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  So a lot of narcissists included myself.
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  This video pretty much about me. But it can be you can you can be
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  transposed on the other narcissistic people like they
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  want to be. They want to feel indispensable
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  because being indispensable makes them feel safe, makes them
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  feel comfortable, makes them feel you know you can't get rid
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  of me, like, it makes them feel like you're not going to abandon
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  them. But the crazy thing about it is
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  it still won't be enough. Sometimes they do more than one
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  thing to make themselves indispensable in your life, but
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  it still won't be enough for them to feel comfortable and
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  safe in your life. It just it just doesn't work
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  that way. I know, I I hate what I had to
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  tell people like that. Like even if they do
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  successfully get your prayer, don't have kids which will buy a
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  house or something like that, that might not be enough to make
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  them not leave you. They can still leave you, but
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  still feel indispensable in your life.
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  So think about that. They can leave you for a new
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  supply, new relationship partner, whatever.
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  They can do that but still be indispensable in your life
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  because y'all got kids together. Y'all y'all live together.
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  Y'all got y'all signing the lease together.
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  You know what I'm saying? Y'all.
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  They can move out and use their names still to be on the lease.
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  They can come back anytime they want to.
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  Y'all got kids, you got to deal with them.
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  You got to talk to me, you got to interact with me, you got to
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  interact with me. I'm not indispensable anymore.
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  So narcissistic people. I find the goal of a lot of
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  narcissists is to feel indispensable.
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  Y'all it just is. That's that's my thought process
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  on it today. Y'all, but let me hop it off
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  this thing again. Make sure you haven't already
• 11:31
  subscribe to the newsletter. It's right at the bottom of the
• 11:34
  screen about new. I'm updating my website here
• 11:36
  pretty soon so mental illness.mentalillness.net will
• 11:39
  be updated with all my stuff. It'll be everything will be one
• 11:42
  easy to find place y'all by October the 18th 19.
• 11:45
  Anyways, y'all I'm super grateful for y'all oops like and
• 11:48
  subscribe for more than. As always, mental illness is out
• 11:50
  peace. If you haven't already, make
• 11:53
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• 11:58
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• 12:00
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• 12:02
  Thank you so much.