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Become Inconvenient · This Daring Adventure

• 0:03
  Welcome to This Daring Adventure Podcast, where we work on bridging the gap between where we are and where we want to be in order to live a bigger and bolder life.
• 0:14
  In this podcast, we will provide inspiration, tips, and skills you need to make your life the adventure you want it to be.
• 0:22
  Here is your host, mindset mentor and life coach, Trista Guertin.
• 0:34
  Trista: Hey, everybody.
• 0:35
  Trista: Welcome back to This Daring Adventure.
• 0:38
  Trista: So today I wanted to tell you about a line I came across recently, a quote, and it was on Substack.
• 0:48
  Trista: I love Substack.
• 0:49
  Trista: I'm spending a lot of time there recently.
• 0:51
  Trista: I don't know if you've been there.
• 0:52
  Trista: There's a lot of crap, don't get me wrong, and the algorithm is extremely sensitive, but there's some good stuff.
• 1:00
  Trista: So I found this quote, "Don't hide from your inconvenient dreams, instead becoming deeply inconvenient in your pursuit of them."
• 1:16
  Trista: I mean, come on, you guys.
• 1:18
  Trista: I love this quote so much.
• 1:20
  Trista: So, so much I love the idea of becoming deeply inconvenient Come on.
• 1:30
  Trista: I was gonna get that tattooed on my arm, I love it so much.
• 1:34
  Trista: I have to post it somewhere so I could see it all the time, but I love it.
• 1:40
  Trista: Become inconvenient, because dreams are inconvenient.
• 1:45
  Trista: They're hard.
• 1:47
  Trista: The things we really want tend to have terrible timing.
• 1:52
  Trista: Takes a lot of work.
• 1:55
  Trista: They show up when we already have a life, when we have responsibilities, and routines, and people who are accustomed to us to being a certain way.
• 2:04
  Trista: They show up when we're busy, when we don't have all the answers, when changing direction is really complicated.
• 2:13
  Trista: Your dream does not care that this would be much easier if you were 25, or had more money, or had more time.
• 2:21
  Trista: It doesn't care that you've already invested 20 years in a career.
• 2:25
  Trista: It doesn't care that you don't know how to start a business, or you don't know how to do the technology.
• 2:31
  Trista: It doesn't care that if you've, you've never been an entrepreneur before, or a coach before.
• 2:37
  Trista: It doesn't care that moving to Paris would be logistically complex and expensive.
• 2:43
  Trista: It doesn't care that your family might have opinions, and believe me, who doesn't have a family that's full of opinions?
• 2:49
  Trista: Your dream just keeps tapping you on the shoulder And if you're anything like me, it doesn't give up.
• 3:02
  Trista: Which is a great thing Because sometimes no matter how hard you try to bury it, or forget it, or push it away, or forget about it, it keeps coming back until you're finally honest with yourself, and you say,
• 3:17
  Trista: "This is what I want."
• 3:18
  Trista: And then what are you gonna do about it?
• 3:21
  Trista: It says, "Excuse me.
• 3:23
  Trista: Remember me?"
• 3:25
  Trista: And you're like, "Could you please not?
• 3:27
  Trista: I have things to do.
• 3:28
  Trista: I have emails.
• 3:30
  Trista: I have laundry.
• 3:32
  Trista: I have a perfectly respectable life here.
• 3:36
  Trista: I'm trying to be realistic.
• 3:38
  Trista: I'm trying to be normal."
• 3:41
  Trista: And there's still that little voice, "But what if?
• 3:44
  Trista: Why not?
• 3:46
  Trista: What if we did it?
• 3:48
  Trista: What if I wrote that book?
• 3:50
  Trista: What if I started that business?
• 3:51
  Trista: What if I published that podcast episode?
• 3:54
  Trista: What if I traveled alone?
• 3:56
  Trista: What if I changed careers?
• 3:57
  Trista: What if I left?
• 3:59
  Trista: What if I stayed?
• 4:01
  Trista: What if I learned something completely new?
• 4:03
  Trista: What if I wanted something much, much bigger?
• 4:09
  Trista: What if this isn't all there is for me?
• 4:12
  Trista: What if I am meant for more?"
• 4:14
  Trista: And I think we spend an enormous amount of time trying to make those dreams more convenient, easier, less demanding We want the dream, but preferably without uncertainty, without embarrassment, without failure, without losing money, without anyone questioning us, without
• 4:35
  Trista: having to become a beginner, without having difficult conversations, without changing our schedule, without experiencing self-doubt.
• 4:45
  Trista: Basically, we're saying, "I would like an extraordinary life, please, but I would prefer that nothing about my current life needs to change, and I certainly don't want to do the work to get it."
• 4:57
  Trista: But that's not how this works.
• 4:59
  Trista: Because the life you want may require something from you that the life you currently have does not, and it most likely will.
• 5:08
  Trista: It will require courage.
• 5:11
  Trista: It will require patience and discipline and boundaries and emotional resilience.
• 5:19
  Trista: It may require you to become much better at disappointing people, to making decisions, to stop asking what everybody else thinks.
• 5:29
  Trista: It may require you to stop being so damn convenient.
• 5:36
  Trista: 'Cause we have been trained to be convenient, and I think women in particular can be incredibly skilled at being convenient and kind and quiet and easygoing, responsible, available, reasonable, dependable.
• 5:54
  Trista: We don't wanna cause trouble.
• 5:57
  Trista: We don't wanna disappoint anyone.
• 5:59
  Trista: We don't want people to think we're selfish or difficult or ridiculous, and we start arranging our lives around what makes sense to everyone else, not rocking the boat, not risking judgment, comments, negativity We've become very good at asking,
• 6:19
  Trista: "What should I be doing?
• 6:20
  Trista: What would be sensible?
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  Trista: What would be realistic?
• 6:24
  Trista: What will people think?"
• 6:26
  Trista: And somewhere along the way, we forgot to ask one very important question, which is, What do I want?"
• 6:35
  Trista: Not what should I want, not what would be easiest, not what would be most sense on paper Not what I could probably get if I lowered my expectations enough, which I should settle for But what do I actually
• 6:52
  Trista: want?
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  Trista: And that can be a surprisingly uncomfortable question, because most of the time we don't pay attention and give it any serious thought.
• 7:04
  Trista: Because sometimes that answer is inconvenient Sometimes what you want requires you to change and to do a lot of work, and requires other people to adjust, requires you to say no, requires you to say yes when everyone else
• 7:22
  Trista: thinks you should say no.
• 7:26
  Trista: It may mean somebody is disappointed But listen, someone else being inconvenienced by your decision does not automatically mean you are making the wrong decision.
• 7:40
  Trista: Somebody not understanding your dream does not make the dream ridiculous.
• 7:44
  Trista: Somebody questioning what you do does not mean you need to question yourself And somebody judging you does not mean that you need to judge yourself.
• 7:56
  Trista: And somebody preferring the old version of you does not obligate you to remain her So what do we do?
• 8:05
  Trista: We become inconvenient.
• 8:09
  Trista: And what does that actually mean to become inconvenient?
• 8:12
  Trista: It's not reckless or irresponsible.
• 8:14
  Trista: It's not blowing up your life.
• 8:17
  Trista: What I mean is becoming deeply inconvenient to the patterns and the programming that have been running your life.
• 8:26
  Trista: Become inconvenient to your excuses, to your procrastination, to your need for approval, to the part of your brain that constantly says, "Maybe later, maybe tomorrow, maybe some other day."
• 8:43
  Trista: Become inconvenient to the habit of quitting every time you face discomfort.
• 8:50
  Trista: Become inconvenient to the version of you who has spent years waiting to feel confident before she acts.
• 8:58
  Trista: Because there is a version of you who keeps negotiating with your dreams.
• 9:04
  Trista: I'll do it tomorrow.
• 9:05
  Trista: I'll do it when I have more time.
• 9:07
  Trista: I'll do it when I feel ready.
• 9:10
  Trista: I'll do it when I'm more confident, when life settles down.
• 9:15
  Trista: And then suddenly a year, two years, five years, 10 years go by And you can stay stuck in the same loops and patterns for many, many years And this is why I talk so much about identity because eventually
• 9:33
  Trista: the question isn't how badly do I want this?
• 9:37
  Trista: The better question is who do I need to become to create it?
• 9:44
  Trista: Because what got you here isn't gonna get you there Who would you have to become?
• 9:52
  Trista: That question can change everything.
• 9:55
  Trista: Imagine one of your inconvenient dreams for a moment, something you want, Something you want that you have perhaps been dismissing, postponing, explaining away.
• 10:09
  Trista: We all do this in some form.
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  Trista: Maybe it's something big.
• 10:12
  Trista: Maybe it's something surprisingly ordinary.
• 10:14
  Trista: Doesn't matter.
• 10:15
  Trista: It's your dream, whatever you want.
• 10:19
  Trista: Now, instead of asking, "How am I ever gonna make this happen?"
• 10:23
  Trista: Ask, "Who would I need to become to make this possible?"
• 10:30
  Trista: How does she think?
• 10:31
  Trista: How does she spend her time?
• 10:32
  Trista: What does she stop doing What conversations does she have?
• 10:40
  Trista: What does she say no to?
• 10:42
  Trista: What does she stop making excuses about And maybe she stops scrolling for two hours every night.
• 10:50
  Trista: She goes to bed earlier.
• 10:52
  Trista: She makes the call.
• 10:52
  Trista: She signs up for the course.
• 10:55
  Trista: She sends the application.
• 10:57
  Trista: She writes for 30 minutes every morning.
• 10:59
  Trista: She gives up the wine at night She stops endlessly redesigning the plan and starts executing it She stops asking what other people will think and stops worrying about whether they are judging her or not She decides that she
• 11:23
  Trista: can let them be wrong about her, and that being misunderstood is a price she is willing to pay.
• 11:31
  Trista: She becomes somebody who does what she says she's going to do.
• 11:35
  Trista: And that is identity work And you do that a little bit every day And this is where dreams become incredibly useful because your dreams show you the gap between who you are being today and who you would need
• 11:51
  Trista: to become to create it.
• 11:53
  Trista: Not because there's anything wrong with you, but because every new chapter will ask something new from us And I think that's why we're here.
• 12:03
  Trista: I think that's part of life.
• 12:05
  Trista: That's part of our full human experience.
• 12:11
  Trista: And your brain will object.
• 12:13
  Trista: When you start doing this, your brain will have some concerns.
• 12:18
  Trista: It will complain because your brain loves what is familiar.
• 12:25
  Trista: Familiar feels predictable, it feels safe.
• 12:29
  Trista: And so no matter how consciously you want something new, which is a part of being human, there's also another part of you that-- which may be saying, "No, can't.
• 12:44
  Trista: It's not realistic.
• 12:46
  Trista: Don't know how.
• 12:49
  Trista: We don't know what happens over there.
• 12:51
  Trista: Let's stay here."
• 12:54
  Trista: And that's also very part-- It's also a very normal part of being human Your brain doesn't like that.
• 13:02
  Trista: It doesn't like the risk.
• 13:04
  Trista: But this is exactly why discomfort is not necessarily a sign that you are going in the wrong direction.
• 13:11
  Trista: Sometimes discomfort simply means that you are doing something unfamiliar, something new, something more visible.
• 13:19
  Trista: You're taking a risk.
• 13:20
  Trista: You're setting a boundary.
• 13:21
  Trista: You're asking for something big.
• 13:23
  Trista: You're trying something new.
• 13:26
  Trista: You're learning.
• 13:27
  Trista: You're behaving differently from the person that you have been for 20, 30, 40 years.
• 13:33
  Trista: Yeah, of course that's gonna feel uncomfortable.
• 13:36
  Trista: But this is where emotional resilience becomes so important Because you do not need to eliminate the fear before you move.
• 13:46
  Trista: The fear's always gonna be there in some way or another.
• 13:50
  Trista: You need to become someone who knows what to do when the fear arrives.
• 13:55
  Trista: You don't need to get rid of self-doubt.
• 13:57
  Trista: You need to know how to experience self-doubt without letting it make your decisions for you.
• 14:02
  Trista: You don't need everybody to approve of you.
• 14:05
  Trista: You need to become someone who can survive someone else's disapproval without abandoning yourself.
• 14:14
  Trista: That is a very different kind of confidence.
• 14:17
  Trista: Confidence isn't walking into your new life thinking, "I know exactly what I'm doing and how this is gonna work."
• 14:24
  Trista: I don't have that thought, ever.
• 14:27
  Trista: Confidence is walking into it thinking, "I don't know exactly what I'm doing.
• 14:31
  Trista: I don't know exactly how this is gonna work, but I'm gonna figure it out.
• 14:37
  Trista: I can trust myself enough to do that."
• 14:40
  Trista: And that is power, because then it doesn't matter what you wanna do You have the tools and the skills to go after it and do it.
• 14:52
  Trista: So stop requiring the dream to be convenient.
• 14:57
  Trista: Stop requiring it to be easy.
• 15:01
  Trista: This is one of the biggest things I want you to take away from this episode.
• 15:05
  Trista: Stop requiring the dream to be convenient before you give yourself permission to pursue it, because maybe it won't be It means working hard.
• 15:18
  Trista: It means learning new things.
• 15:20
  Trista: It means getting up earlier.
• 15:22
  Trista: It means being a beginner again and learning new things.
• 15:28
  Trista: It means investing in yourself, using your time and your money and your energy.
• 15:35
  Trista: It means risking rejection, failing Okay.
• 15:45
  Trista: That doesn't automatically mean don't do it.
• 15:48
  Trista: The question is, is the inconvenience worth the life on the other side of it?
• 15:54
  Trista: Because we talk constantly about the discomfort of pursuing our dreams.
• 15:58
  Trista: We don't talk nearly enough about the discomfort of abandoning them.
• 16:03
  Trista: There's a cost to staying where you are too.
• 16:08
  Trista: There's a cost to spending another year wondering and staying stuck.
• 16:13
  Trista: There's a cost to constantly telling yourself someday.
• 16:18
  Trista: There's a cost to becoming incredibly efficient at maintaining a life you've outgrown and that you don't particularly like or enjoy anymore.
• 16:28
  Trista: There's a cost to playing small and holding yourself back There's a cost to being reasonable when reasonable is slowly suffocating the part of you that wants more And that cost doesn't always show up dramatically.
• 16:47
  Trista: Sometimes it looks like boredom, restlessness, scrolling, irritation, envy, Resentment.
• 16:55
  Trista: That strange feeling when you see someone else doing the things you keep telling yourself aren't possible Your dreams don't just disappear when you ignore them or push them away or try to forget about them.
• 17:09
  Trista: They just become resentment.
• 17:13
  Trista: So be hard to stop.
• 17:17
  Trista: Maybe this isn't the year that your dream becomes easier.
• 17:21
  Trista: Maybe this is the year that you become harder to stop.
• 17:28
  Trista: Not frantic, not obsessive, not hustling But you're centered and you're focused and you're determined, and you're harder to stop because you know yourself and your patterns, and you can regulate yourself when fear shows up or doubt or overwhelm.
• 17:50
  Trista: You don't automatically believe every thought your brain offers you because you know they're not all helpful And you trust yourself.
• 18:01
  Trista: You can make a decision quickly and stop reopening it every 48 hours, and you don't live in fear that you're gonna regret it You're willing to experience disappointment without making it mean you should quit because you know where
• 18:18
  Trista: you're going and you've decided that discomfort can come along for the ride Imagine what would become possible if you became that woman "Not the woman who never doubts herself, but the woman who doesn't abandon herself when she does."
• 18:40
  Trista: You don't have to know exactly what to do, but you trust yourself you can figure it out It's not about never failing, but it's about what you make that failure mean or not mean You don't wait for permission.
• 19:00
  Trista: You decide.
• 19:01
  Trista: You move This is the woman who is inconvenient.
• 19:07
  Trista: She is inconvenient to her old life.
• 19:10
  Trista: She is inconvenient to her old patterns.
• 19:12
  Trista: She is inconvenient to her limitations, and she is inconvenient to all of the stories about why she can't have or do what she wants And she is deeply inconvenient to the life she has outgrown, and she's amazing.
• 19:31
  Trista: Come on.
• 19:33
  Trista: Let's go.
• 19:35
  Trista: So here's your challenge.
• 19:37
  Trista: I want you to think about this week.
• 19:39
  Trista: What is one inconvenient dream you've been trying to make disappear?
• 19:45
  Trista: Don't ask whether it's realistic.
• 19:48
  Trista: Don't start explaining why it would be difficult.
• 19:51
  Trista: Don't start with the how.
• 19:52
  Trista: Don't start with the logistics.
• 19:55
  Trista: Just tell yourself the truth.
• 19:56
  Trista: Even if you don't say anything to anybody else, tell yourself the truth.
• 20:02
  Trista: What do you really want?
• 20:06
  Trista: And then ask yourself, who would I need to become to create it?
• 20:13
  Trista: What would she stop doing?
• 20:14
  Trista: What would she start doing?
• 20:17
  Trista: What would she need to learn to feel?
• 20:21
  Trista: What would she need to believe?
• 20:24
  Trista: What decision would she make?
• 20:26
  Trista: How would she show up?
• 20:27
  Trista: What is her energy?
• 20:30
  Trista: And what could she do this week, not someday, not when she feels ready, but this week, that would be evidence that she is becoming her?
• 20:41
  Trista: Because your dream does not need another five years of thinking.
• 20:45
  Trista: It needs a version of you who is willing to move.
• 20:50
  Trista: Stop asking your dreams to fit politely into your current life.
• 20:54
  Trista: Build a life big enough to hold them.
• 20:58
  Trista: Your dream is allowed to be inconvenient become more inconvenient And if you're ready to become her and you're listening to this and thinking, "Yes, I know there's more out there for me, but I don't know how to get
• 21:18
  Trista: it from here," this is exactly the work I do with women in one-to-one coaching I'm offering a six-session private coaching program designed to help you understand what's actually keeping you stuck and build the internal skills to move forward
• 21:39
  Trista: We do not spend six sessions endlessly talking about the problem.
• 21:42
  Trista: We work on the patterns underneath them.
• 21:46
  Trista: You'll begin to understand yourself differently, your thinking, your emotional patterns, the beliefs you've been operating from, and why you keep getting pulled back into the same behaviors even when you consciously want something different.
• 21:59
  Trista: You learn how to handle difficult emotions without letting them dictate your choices, and you'll learn how to calm your nervous system when fear and uncertainty show up, so you can stop treating discomfort as an emergency.
• 22:12
  Trista: This is life-changing work.
• 22:15
  Trista: We work under your identity and your relationship with yourself because lasting change isn't just about what you do, it's about who you become.
• 22:25
  Trista: And we'll build self-trust so you can make decisions without constantly second-guessing yourself, looking outside yourself for reassurance, Or waiting for someone else to tell you you're doing the right thing.
• 22:36
  Trista: You don't have to live with the fear of regret any longer And we're gonna turn all of that into action.
• 22:46
  Trista: My goal is that by the end of our work together, you know yourself better, you understand the patterns that have been keeping you stuck, and you know how to handle fear and doubt and uncertainty without abandoning yourself.
• 22:59
  Trista: You trust yourself more deeply.
• 23:01
  Trista: You make clearer decisions, and you have started moving toward what you actually want, not because you've magically become fearless, but because fear is no longer in charge And that's a very different way to live.
• 23:18
  Trista: So if you want to explore working with me, I invite you to book a complimentary 30-minute consultation.
• 23:24
  Trista: It's just a conversation.
• 23:25
  Trista: Tell me where you are, where you wanna go, what's been getting in the way, and we'll discuss whether working together could really help you close that gap.
• 23:35
  Trista: Because maybe you don't need another year of thinking about your life.
• 23:39
  Trista: Maybe you need to become the woman who creates it And she just might be a little inconvenient And I think that's just fine.
• 23:51
  Trista: I'll see you next week.
• 23:53
  Trista: Thanks for listening.
• 23:54
  Trista: Bye-bye