Latest / Dr Justin Coulson's Happy Families / Our Mind Tells Us Stories

Transcript

Our Mind Tells Us Stories · Dr Justin Coulson's Happy Families

0:05
Speaker 1: Hello, Welcome to the Happy Families podcast. Today, I have
0:08
Speaker 1: no idea what we're going to talk about. Mishappy Families
0:11
Speaker 1: has asked for the pod, has said, I'm in charge today.
0:15
Speaker 1: Just trust me.
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Speaker 2: It's going to be a cracker.
0:18
Speaker 1: Can you give me a hint, because all you've said
0:19
Speaker 1: is I've got a story to tell them. Then you're
0:21
Speaker 1: going to talk about the science, and you're just you're
0:23
Speaker 1: putting a lot of faith in me that I'm going
0:25
Speaker 1: to know where to go and know what to do.
0:26
Speaker 3: When have you ever not known what to say? Seriously,
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Speaker 3: a couple of weeks ago, I had a really poignant
0:33
Speaker 3: experience that just highlighted how powerful the messages that our
0:40
Speaker 3: brain tells us impacts the way we see things and
0:45
Speaker 3: our perspective on things. And I want to talk about
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Speaker 3: how our brain tells us stories and more times than not,
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Speaker 3: they're actually not true.
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Speaker 1: So this is a conversation about helping our kids to
0:56
Speaker 1: be resilient and not listening to negative messages.
1:00
Speaker 3: Maybe we'll see where it goes.
1:01
Speaker 2: Stay with us. The surprise is next.
1:07
Speaker 1: Hello, Welcome to the Happy Families podcast, where you get
1:09
Speaker 1: real parenting solutions every single day. It's a Stray's most
1:12
Speaker 1: downloaded parenting podcast. We are Justin and Kylie Colson love
1:15
Speaker 1: kicking off the week with a surprise. Today, not only
1:17
Speaker 1: do you get real parenting solutions, you also get the
1:20
Speaker 1: same surprise that I'm getting missus Happy Families. You've asked
1:23
Speaker 1: for the pod, Kylie? What is it that you want
1:25
Speaker 1: to share with this? What was your story? What was
1:27
Speaker 1: your inside? Where are we going with this?
1:30
Speaker 3: A handful of weeks ago, we booked in some family
1:33
Speaker 3: photos with a photographer and I had looked at some
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Speaker 3: of her photos and I'd seen a few location shots,
1:40
Speaker 3: and we decided we'd go to a local mountain and
1:43
Speaker 3: have some photos up during sunset. And the day of
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Speaker 3: she actually sent me a message and she said, I
1:50
Speaker 3: don't think we're going to get the money shot today.
1:52
Speaker 3: She said, it doesn't look like we're going to get
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Speaker 3: much of a sunset. She said, this, it's overcast, there's
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Speaker 3: not a lot of light, there won't be a lot
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Speaker 3: of color in the sky. What would you like to do?
2:02
Speaker 3: And I thought for a minute, and I thought, you
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Speaker 3: know what, isn't that just so indicative her family life?
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Speaker 3: You plan, and no matter how much planning you do,
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Speaker 3: it just never works out the way you want it,
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Speaker 3: and so we're just going to run with it regardless
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Speaker 3: of how it works out. If it's raining, it's raining,
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Speaker 3: we'll have photos in the rain. I just thought, let's
2:17
Speaker 3: just see how it goes. That afternoon, we showed up
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Speaker 3: and unbelievably, everything actually turned out amazing. But in the
2:26
Speaker 3: moment when you're in front of the camera, it kind
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Speaker 3: of feels a little bit surreal in that you have
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Speaker 3: no idea what she's capturing because you're actually you have
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Speaker 3: your back to the best of it, right. And so
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Speaker 3: as we were leaving, I said to her, do you
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Speaker 3: think we got a money shot today? And she just
2:40
Speaker 3: looked at me with her eyes like wide, and she
2:42
Speaker 3: was like, Kylie, you got so many money shots. This
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Speaker 3: was It was just perfect. I can't believe that they
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Speaker 3: turned out as well as they have. I can't wait
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Speaker 3: to share them with you. She actually went home because
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Speaker 3: she knew on was busting, and she just took a
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Speaker 3: photo of her computer screen to just give me an idea.
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Speaker 3: She said, this is the con this is what we're
3:00
Speaker 3: working with. And I was so excited. And if we
3:05
Speaker 3: backtrack a little bit, I've been on this little bit
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Speaker 3: of a health kick and I had got into my
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Speaker 3: skinny genes specifically for this photo shoot, and I was
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Speaker 3: feeling amazing. When the photos arrived. Oh my gosh, they
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Speaker 3: were spectacular, and I looked at me specifically and was
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Speaker 3: so amazed at how confident I seemed, how radiant I was.
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Speaker 3: I just I felt like everything about the photos, including me,
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Speaker 3: which is not usual. I don't usually see through that
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Speaker 3: lens was just perfect, and I was so grateful for it.
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Speaker 3: Let's fast forward now. A couple of weeks later. I'm
3:44
Speaker 3: having a really bad day. I got on the scales,
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Speaker 3: they did not tell me what I wanted to see,
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Speaker 3: and I was so frustrated, and I started berating myself
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Speaker 3: and getting really really worked up about the fact that
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Speaker 3: I'm working really hard, I'm doing all the things, and
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Speaker 3: it just doesn't seem to be paying off. And I
4:01
Speaker 3: looked in the mirror and I just felt fat, and
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Speaker 3: I was getting really really upset, and so I thought,
4:06
Speaker 3: you know what, I'll just go back and look at
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Speaker 3: those photos because they made me feel amazing when I
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Speaker 3: got them. And here's the crazy thing. I opened them up,
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Speaker 3: and for the first time since i'd got them, all
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Speaker 3: I could see were all the things that I was
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Speaker 3: frustrated with about my body, and I was tearing myself apart.
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Speaker 3: And I was absolutely blown away by that experience. And
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Speaker 3: as I sat with it and realized what changed. The
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Speaker 3: photos didn't change. Nothing about the photos changed. They were spectacular.
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Speaker 3: I can't wait to have them on our walls. It
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Speaker 3: was just my brain and what messages were going through
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Speaker 3: it that changed the lens by which I saw them.
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Speaker 2: Yeah, mindset.
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Speaker 3: Yeah, And so I wanted to talk about that today
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Speaker 3: because I think it was such a powerful thing. Whether
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Speaker 3: it's photos or whether it's the way we view a
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Speaker 3: relationship or the behavior that our children place in front
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Speaker 3: of us. The stimulus that they give to us, the
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Speaker 3: perspective that we view it through changes everything.
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Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, yeah, Yeah, let's talk about that after the break.
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Speaker 1: I've been making those furiously as you've been talking, thinking
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Speaker 1: about all the sciencing things that I can say to
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Speaker 1: make this make sense. And it really does tie in
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Speaker 1: with the things that we're teaching our children, the language,
5:30
Speaker 1: the words we're using, and the way that they do
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Speaker 1: or do not face the challenges and the bad lighting
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Speaker 1: and the cranky moods and things.
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Speaker 2: In their lives.
5:40
Speaker 1: Stay with us some science the ideas to help our
5:43
Speaker 1: families to be happier. Next we're back. This is The
5:53
Speaker 1: Happy Family's podcast. If you are enjoying the podcast, please
5:55
Speaker 1: share it with your friends, your neighbors, your relatives, anyone
5:57
Speaker 1: that you think might be grateful for some ideas that
5:59
Speaker 1: can make their family be happier.
6:01
Speaker 2: Hopefully it's making your family happier.
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Speaker 1: Kylie, A couple of things to pick up on out
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Speaker 1: of your story, and I'd love to I'd love to
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Speaker 1: get your input as I go through these. The first
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Speaker 1: thing I just wanted to highlight that when you got
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Speaker 1: the photos, the first thing you looked at was yourself.
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Speaker 1: I did, yeap, because that's what we do. We don't
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Speaker 1: look at everybody else in the photo. We look at ourselves.
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Speaker 1: We always talk about how kids are so self focused,
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Speaker 1: how kids are so ego centric, how kids make it
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Speaker 1: all about them.
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Speaker 2: It's a human characteristic. That's what you do.
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Speaker 1: Nobody ever gets the photos and says, oh, I wonder
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Speaker 1: how everyone accept me looked.
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Speaker 2: Nobody's sort of scanning.
6:35
Speaker 1: Once you've had a good look at you, that's when
6:36
Speaker 1: you start to look at everybody else's faces. But usually
6:39
Speaker 1: you only notice you in the photo. That's just a
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Speaker 1: fun aside. The things that I really wanted to touch
6:44
Speaker 1: on are based around this idea that our mind is
6:47
Speaker 1: an incredible storyteller. So let's start with the idea that
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Speaker 1: our mind doesn't know the difference between fantasy and reality.
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Speaker 1: I'm going to ask you to do something, Okay, and
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Speaker 1: obviously everyone who's listening can do this as well. I
7:04
Speaker 1: want you to think of your favorite fruit. For me,
7:06
Speaker 1: it's passion fruit. So I'm going to use the word
7:08
Speaker 1: passion fruit, and hopefully you like them as well. Otherwise,
7:10
Speaker 1: maybe it's pineapple, strawberry. Let's go with passion fruit. You
7:13
Speaker 1: open up the fridge. You know how fructas always tastes
7:16
Speaker 1: better when it comes out of the fridge, So that
7:17
Speaker 1: the sugars and the passion fruit, oh my goodness, they're
7:19
Speaker 1: going to be so much better because the passion fruits cold.
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Speaker 1: You open up the fridge and you see a passion
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Speaker 1: fruit the size of the palm of your hand sitting
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Speaker 1: on the shelf. You pull the passion fruit out, put
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Speaker 1: it on the chopping board, and you chop through the
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Speaker 1: center of.
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Speaker 3: No, you don't chop through the center anymore, and spoon.
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Speaker 2: And that's right.
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Speaker 1: Well you need to in this case because as you
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Speaker 1: chop through the center of it, you don't have a
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Speaker 1: passion fruit juice. Some of it always spills out of
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Speaker 1: the passion fruit onto the cutting board.
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Speaker 3: Do we tell everyone we slurp up the juice or
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Speaker 3: should we?
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Speaker 2: Not sure? Why not? That can be part of the story.
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Speaker 1: So you see the juice slurp out or spill out
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Speaker 1: onto the cutting board, you pick up that passion fruit. No,
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Speaker 1: I want you to keep your eyes closed, hopefully you're
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Speaker 1: not driving. Keep your eyes closed, and imagine the spoon
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Speaker 1: going into the passion fruit, pulling the seeds away from
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Speaker 1: the air, just stirring it up just a little bit.
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Speaker 1: And then you lift that gigantic passion fruit pulp out
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Speaker 1: of the passion fruit. You put it into your mouth
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Speaker 1: and you can taste the sweetness exploding, the flavors right
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Speaker 1: through your entire mouth. It goes up into your brain,
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Speaker 1: the flavor, the taste, the excitement, the.
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Speaker 2: Coldness of it.
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Speaker 1: Now, let me ask you a quick question. What's happening
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Speaker 1: inside your mouth?
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Speaker 2: Right now?
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Speaker 3: I'm salvating?
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Speaker 1: Right were you salivating before I started talking about passion
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Speaker 1: fruit and fruit toast? And all those things. No, not
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Speaker 1: even almost. So do you have a passion fruit in
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Speaker 1: your hand? No, your brain doesn't know.
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Speaker 3: I am thinking about all the passion fruit growing on
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Speaker 3: our vine right now.
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Speaker 1: I hope that they work out. But here's my point.
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Speaker 1: Your brain doesn't know that it's not going to get
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Speaker 1: a passion fruit. And because it's received the stimulus, it
8:58
Speaker 1: has started to create a phizzy iological response. And it's
9:02
Speaker 1: the same thing around anxiety. It's the same thing around stress.
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Speaker 1: It's the same thing around sadness and depression. You name
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Speaker 1: the emotion. If you close your eyes and put yourself
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Speaker 1: in a certain situation, you will have a physiological response.
9:14
Speaker 1: You did something recently where somebody had you hooked up
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Speaker 1: to a breathing apparatus and they were testing your breathing.
9:22
Speaker 1: They had you in a nice, easy breathing cycle. Then
9:25
Speaker 1: they asked you to scroll through the news headlines, and
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Speaker 1: you're breathing, even though none of the things that you
9:31
Speaker 1: were reading about affect you in any meaningful way, no
9:34
Speaker 1: tangible way.
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Speaker 2: What happened to your breathing?
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Speaker 3: I almost stopped breathing. I didn't, but it was very shallow.
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Speaker 3: So I'd been in this beautiful cycle of five seconds
9:43
Speaker 3: in five seconds out, just very rhythmatic.
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Speaker 1: Six nice, easy balanced breaths per minute.
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Speaker 3: And then he hands me his phone asks me to
9:52
Speaker 3: just read while he's talking to me. So I'm only
9:56
Speaker 3: reading the headlines. I'm not even delving into.
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Speaker 2: And you're not reading about a war. You're reading Prince Harry.
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Speaker 3: Yeah, and all of a sudden without knowing it, Like
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Speaker 3: I don't physically feel the change. I actually didn't feel
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Speaker 3: the change until I saw it on the screen.
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Speaker 1: So the critical thing, the critical scientific insight that applies
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Speaker 1: to our kids is that if the brain, the mind
10:18
Speaker 1: doesn't know the difference between fantasy and reality, we can
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Speaker 1: help our children and ourselves to change the script, to
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Speaker 1: remove limiting beliefs, to start to feed fulfilling, positive, uplifting, energizing,
10:33
Speaker 1: vital positive information. Now this is not happyology. This is
10:37
Speaker 1: not let's just pretend that everything's great. Rather, this is
10:41
Speaker 1: about saying, what is it that matters to me? And
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Speaker 1: can I focus on that? Which brings me to my
10:47
Speaker 1: second point. I've kind of segued from one to the other. Anyway,
10:50
Speaker 1: My second point is this we move towards what we
10:54
Speaker 1: focus on. What do I mean by that? If you
10:57
Speaker 1: are writing a skateboard, if you are writing a pushbike,
11:02
Speaker 1: if you are riding a motorcycle, maybe even if you're
11:06
Speaker 1: driving a car. Not quite so much with a car,
11:08
Speaker 1: although somewhat. If you turn your head and look in
11:11
Speaker 1: a certain direction, whether you're on any of those forms
11:14
Speaker 1: of transport, what happens is you start to move in
11:18
Speaker 1: that direction. You and I have done this on the
11:20
Speaker 1: bike quite a lot. I'm trying to help you to
11:22
Speaker 1: corner a little bit better, especially after the most recent crash.
11:25
Speaker 1: And what I keep on emphasizing is don't look where
11:28
Speaker 1: you're going, look where you want to go. So if
11:31
Speaker 1: you're going around a roundabout, don't look two three meters
11:34
Speaker 1: in front of a wheel, which is where the bike's
11:35
Speaker 1: kind of going. Instead, keep your head up and look
11:38
Speaker 1: down the street that you're turning into, because the bike
11:41
Speaker 1: will automatically go there. Happens on skateboards, happens on surfboards,
11:44
Speaker 1: happens on motorcycles, happens in cars, Believe it or not.
11:47
Speaker 1: You know, when you're driving and you look into the
11:50
Speaker 1: back seat because the kids are there and there annoying you.
11:52
Speaker 1: And then when you look back to the front of
11:54
Speaker 1: the vehicle. Again, the car has veered in the direction
11:57
Speaker 1: you looked. If you looked over your left should of
11:58
Speaker 1: the car has moved to the left shod shoulder. If
12:00
Speaker 1: you look at your right shoulder, the car has moved
12:02
Speaker 1: across a little bit into the right lane. And so
12:05
Speaker 1: we move towards whatever we're focusing on you in that
12:10
Speaker 1: scenario in your story, your perspective has shifted because you're
12:13
Speaker 1: focused on all the negatives. So what happens while you
12:15
Speaker 1: look at the pictures and all you see is the negatives.
12:17
Speaker 1: You're having a lousy day, and all you can think
12:19
Speaker 1: about is all the lousy stuff that's going on. Again,
12:22
Speaker 1: at the risk of moving a little close for comfort
12:25
Speaker 1: into happyology, we really can write new scripts. We really
12:29
Speaker 1: can say I know that things can be challenging. But
12:35
Speaker 1: and the great thing about the word but when you
12:37
Speaker 1: say it like this, when you say butt, you're basically
12:39
Speaker 1: saying to your mind, ignore everything that I just said.
12:43
Speaker 1: And usually we see it in a negative light, like, yeah,
12:45
Speaker 1: she's a really good kid, but lately she's been driving
12:48
Speaker 1: me crazy. Right, we can spin that around. We can
12:51
Speaker 1: say she's been driving me crazy, but she's a really
12:56
Speaker 1: good kid. And our mind holds onto what happens after
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Speaker 1: the butt, not before the butt. It's the same with
13:02
Speaker 1: that photo you're looking at. You're looking at the photo
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Speaker 1: and you're inn a lousy frame of reference.
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Speaker 2: You move towards the negative.
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Speaker 1: You're looking at the photos in a positive frame of reference,
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Speaker 1: and you see the colors, you see the smiles, you
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Speaker 1: see the joy, and you remember the fact that all
13:15
Speaker 1: of our children were well behaved for an entire hour
13:17
Speaker 1: and a half while we took family photos one afternoon.
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Speaker 1: Never happened before, may never happen again, But it happened.
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Speaker 1: It happened, and noticed there's a butt. It happened, and
13:24
Speaker 1: now we feel good because it happened.
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Speaker 3: I find this so curious because it makes so much sense,
13:30
Speaker 3: and yet we push against it so much. Yes, but
13:33
Speaker 3: I had another really powerful experience just recently where I
13:36
Speaker 3: did a meditation and the instructor asked me to think
13:39
Speaker 3: of somebody I loved and to offer them happiness and
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Speaker 3: peace and.
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Speaker 2: Freedom, easy and beautiful, and.
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Speaker 3: I did it easily. The interesting thing was straight after
13:52
Speaker 3: that he asked me to think about somebody who like
13:54
Speaker 3: a relationship that was challenging me, and funnily enough, my
13:58
Speaker 3: mind took me to the sac same person who I
14:01
Speaker 3: had Was it me chosen the first time? Who I love?
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Speaker 2: You're not answering was it me?
14:07
Speaker 3: It was not you?
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Speaker 2: Oh, thank god, it was not you.
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Speaker 3: But I was surprised at both. Firstly because this person
14:13
Speaker 3: was challenging me. But when he asked me to think
14:15
Speaker 3: about somebody, they were the first person I thought of,
14:19
Speaker 3: and I was able to say those words beautifully, calmly,
14:22
Speaker 3: and I'm going to say truthfully in that situation. When
14:27
Speaker 3: he asked me to think about them, he wasn't asking
14:30
Speaker 3: me to think of the same person, But that's just
14:32
Speaker 3: how my brain worked. When he asked me to think
14:34
Speaker 3: of a person that I was challenged by. When I
14:36
Speaker 3: tried to say those same words to the same person
14:40
Speaker 3: that I had only seconds ago been able to say
14:43
Speaker 3: so truthfully and so lovingly, I couldn't.
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Speaker 1: Do it right, Yeah, because you're looking through a different lens.
14:52
Speaker 3: I couldn't do it, and I didn't understand it at
14:54
Speaker 3: the time. But as we're talking it in one breath,
14:57
Speaker 3: I was looking through the eyes of love because I
15:00
Speaker 3: love this person deeply. But as soon as I looked
15:04
Speaker 3: through another lens, it was a lens of hurt because
15:06
Speaker 3: I started to think about all the things they've done
15:08
Speaker 3: that have hurt me, and therefore.
15:10
Speaker 1: I was unaching the happiness and peace when yeah, so
15:14
Speaker 1: let's bring this back to the family context before I
15:15
Speaker 1: share my last of my three ideas that have popped
15:18
Speaker 1: into my head. Listen to your story. In the family context,
15:22
Speaker 1: it's very easy to put that filter across our children,
15:24
Speaker 1: or our spouse or partner. Similarly, our employment or our neighbors.
15:29
Speaker 1: We put this across and we say, jeez, they drive
15:32
Speaker 1: me crazy. They're always so exhausting, they're such fussy eaters,
15:36
Speaker 1: they never go to bed on time, they're always at
15:38
Speaker 1: each other. I can't get them off the screen. And
15:41
Speaker 1: all these things become bigger and bigger and bigger because
15:43
Speaker 1: we move towards what we focus on, and our mind
15:46
Speaker 1: doesn't know the difference between fantasy and reality, and we're
15:48
Speaker 1: making this the reality.
15:51
Speaker 3: I love how you shifted your comment before you said,
15:54
Speaker 3: you know, she's such a good kid, but right now
15:56
Speaker 3: she's driving me crazy.
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Speaker 1: Or right now I'm me crazy, but she's such a
16:01
Speaker 1: good kid.
16:02
Speaker 3: That's a really simple reframe, right, Like, you haven't you
16:05
Speaker 3: actually haven't changed anything that you've said, right, you're actually
16:08
Speaker 3: you're sitting in reality. Reality is right now she is
16:11
Speaker 3: driving me insane. She is pushing every button. I don't
16:15
Speaker 3: know how to do this, but I'm able to recognize
16:20
Speaker 3: that we're in a moment as opposed to this is
16:22
Speaker 3: who she is perfect.
16:23
Speaker 1: And we said the same thing about our families, right,
16:25
Speaker 1: I can't believe we used to be happy. But my goodness,
16:28
Speaker 1: they're driving me crazy versus they're driving me crazy. But
16:32
Speaker 1: we used to be happy, which means we can probably
16:35
Speaker 1: be happy again.
16:36
Speaker 3: Yeah.
16:37
Speaker 1: In fact, when I used to do one of my
16:38
Speaker 1: workshops in particular, the question was always when is when?
16:41
Speaker 1: When has your family been the happiest? Because if you've
16:43
Speaker 1: been there once, you can get back there again. Last
16:46
Speaker 1: thing that I need to say, because our time is
16:47
Speaker 1: well and truly spent, and that is that our mind
16:49
Speaker 1: does have a negativity bias. Researchers have shown, especially in
16:53
Speaker 1: Western educated, industrialized, rich democratic nations like our own, that
16:57
Speaker 1: we have a negativity bias. Interestingly, there's a so called
17:00
Speaker 1: Eric Hoffer who wrote a book about creating movements things
17:03
Speaker 1: that are not normally associated well with parenting, and he
17:06
Speaker 1: highlights that the nearer you get to your ideal. The
17:09
Speaker 1: nearer you get to your goal, the more dissatisfied you become,
17:12
Speaker 1: because within region you're still not there, and it becomes
17:15
Speaker 1: increasingly frustrating.
17:16
Speaker 2: It's so enticing, and.
17:17
Speaker 1: It's like, oh my goodness, I work so hard, and
17:19
Speaker 1: we actually get quite upset about it.
17:20
Speaker 2: But there is a really strong negativity bias. Let me,
17:22
Speaker 2: let me ask you a question.
17:24
Speaker 1: You're looking at a bowl of ice cream, strawberries on top,
17:27
Speaker 1: chocolate ice cream.
17:29
Speaker 3: I don't need that anymore. That's not very Interva's right.
17:31
Speaker 1: You are healthy, But when you were less healthy, when
17:33
Speaker 1: you were looking at that bowl of chocolate ice cream
17:35
Speaker 1: with strawberries sprinkled across the top, what's happening inside your mind?
17:39
Speaker 1: What's happening inside your body?
17:40
Speaker 3: Give me more? I want it right now.
17:43
Speaker 1: Yeah, craving right because it looks so good. Let's say
17:45
Speaker 1: you're looking at that bowl of ice cream, and out
17:47
Speaker 1: of nowhere, four cockroaches spring up from the bottom of
17:52
Speaker 1: the bowl and run across the ice cream and the strawberries.
17:55
Speaker 1: Who knows how they got into the bowl, but they
17:56
Speaker 1: were in the bowl of the ice cream. When you're
17:58
Speaker 1: on top of them, they've just found their way out
17:59
Speaker 1: of it, and they're literally they've run across the ice
18:02
Speaker 1: cream and the strawberries, how enticing.
18:04
Speaker 3: Oh that's in the bin.
18:06
Speaker 2: You're not going to eat it, right?
18:07
Speaker 1: No, So same ice cream, same strawberries, but it's been
18:12
Speaker 1: tainted with that negativity. Our goal, as I think about
18:17
Speaker 1: all the things that you've talked about, our goal is
18:18
Speaker 1: to maintain an awareness that we are easily drawn to
18:22
Speaker 1: the negative in spite of all the goodness that's in
18:24
Speaker 1: our lives. It's to remember that we move towards what
18:28
Speaker 1: we focus on. So therefore, we have to be intentional
18:31
Speaker 1: about shifting our focus to either what we want or
18:35
Speaker 1: what is currently working, because while we focus on the
18:39
Speaker 1: strengths and the positives, we get better outcomes. And lastly,
18:42
Speaker 1: the mind doesn't know the difference between fantasy and reality,
18:45
Speaker 1: which means that if things are not good in reality,
18:48
Speaker 1: let's create the fantasy that we want, start thinking about it,
18:51
Speaker 1: and we will find that our body and mind automatically
18:55
Speaker 1: move towards it.
18:57
Speaker 3: As I've gone through these experiences over the last few weeks,
19:00
Speaker 3: the thing that really stands out to me. You talk
19:02
Speaker 3: about negative bias. What I have recognized in myself is
19:08
Speaker 3: that those negative thoughts, they're really bossy and they're really
19:11
Speaker 3: loud correct word, yeah, comparative to the positive feelings that
19:16
Speaker 3: we have. You think about those positive feelings. They're quiet,
19:20
Speaker 3: they're calm, there's an element of peace to them. And
19:23
Speaker 3: if we are going to be able to focus on those,
19:26
Speaker 3: we actually have to be bossy with our thoughts. We
19:29
Speaker 3: actually have to take control and say, you know what,
19:31
Speaker 3: you're too loud, I don't want I don't want you,
19:35
Speaker 3: and give yourself the time to listen to the smaller
19:39
Speaker 3: voice that's actually probably more attuned to positive reality.
19:45
Speaker 1: Your mind is great storyteller. Let's make sure that it's
19:47
Speaker 1: telling you great stories.
19:48
Speaker 3: Oh do you like?
19:49
Speaker 1: I did that as well. I did it with the button,
19:50
Speaker 1: then I did it with the stories. Fay Families podcast
19:53
Speaker 1: is produced by Justin Ruland from Bridge Media. Mim Hammonds
19:56
Speaker 1: provides our research. Having in another sport, I like that.
19:57
Speaker 1: I reckon you should do more podcasts that I don't
19:59
Speaker 1: have to be involved in. If I just get to
20:01
Speaker 1: sit here and listen to you tell stories and then
20:03
Speaker 1: share a psychological principle, I think that we've got a
20:05
Speaker 1: lifetime of podcasts.
20:06
Speaker 2: That was fun. Really, it was great. We should do
20:09
Speaker 2: that more often.
20:09
Speaker 3: You're gonna, you're gonna let me have a bit more
20:10
Speaker 3: control these days.
20:11
Speaker 4: For more information about making your family happier, visit Happy
20:16
Speaker 4: Families dot com dot you, and please jump online and
20:19
Speaker 4: pre order the brand new book, Boys Building Strong Young
20:23
Speaker 4: Men from the Inside Out.
20:24
Speaker 1: The brand new book by me is out in the
20:27
Speaker 1: next few weeks and.
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Speaker 2: You can pre order it now from book toopia dot
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20:30
Speaker 1: That's Boys Building Strong Young Men from the Inside Out
20:33
Speaker 1: by now.