Latest / The Harmony Channel / Reaching for Invisible Apples

Transcript

Reaching for Invisible Apples · The Harmony Channel

• 0:14
  [SPEAKER_00]: Hello, and welcome to the Harmony Channel, a podcast on learning how to create harmony from the inside out.
• 0:20
  [SPEAKER_00]: I'm your host, C-Rose.
• 0:21
  [SPEAKER_00]: Thank you so much for being here for my second episode.
• 0:25
  [SPEAKER_00]: This is an episode about apples, invisible apples, but I'm getting ahead of myself.
• 0:31
  [SPEAKER_00]: Let me back up.
• 0:33
  [SPEAKER_00]: A few weeks ago, I set outside in our yard on a sunny afternoon with my diary on my lap.
• 0:40
  [SPEAKER_00]: The birds provided the background music and the breeze brought an ease that coated my skin.
• 0:46
  [SPEAKER_00]: These are the brief moments I tried to saturate my presence with.
• 0:50
  [SPEAKER_00]: These warm moments as the season begins to turn from one to the next day.
• 0:56
  [SPEAKER_00]: Out in our yard is a lawn chair facing northeast, so in the morning I can catch the sun rise.
• 1:02
  [SPEAKER_00]: And the evening I can turn slightly north to gaze upon the triangle formation of three apple trees.
• 1:09
  [SPEAKER_00]: On this day, 75 degree temperatures infused the winds with warmth as the sun shifted westward, casting a crisp clarifying light across the colors of the landscape.
• 1:21
  [SPEAKER_00]: I settled into one of my favorite practices of the day, listening to the land council, my circle of helping spirits that inhabit this lush green mountain I call home.
• 1:32
  [SPEAKER_00]: I heard a thud and looked to my left, catching sight of a fresh apple that had fallen off the tree and was now rolling down to a small pile of other fallen apples.
• 1:42
  [SPEAKER_00]: The deer had been here enjoying them.
• 1:45
  [SPEAKER_00]: Sometimes I see one of these quiet creatures pre-done walking in the dark right along where I like to sit in the light.
• 1:53
  [SPEAKER_00]: Other times, I don't see them, but find evidence of their droppings under the tree.
• 1:58
  [SPEAKER_00]: And offering I imagine to the land for the sweetness of the fruit gift.
• 2:03
  [SPEAKER_00]: Apple season was beginning.
• 2:05
  [SPEAKER_00]: I reminisced about sitting in the exact spot one year prior, listening to the leaves falling from the trees one by one while wondering, when would I finish my memoir, when could I really sit?
• 2:22
  [SPEAKER_00]: I also wondered about the land, curious why I was so drawn to sitting by these apple trees.
• 2:29
  [SPEAKER_00]: My relationship with the land, and even my relationship with my ability to communicate with the land, was brand new.
• 2:36
  [SPEAKER_00]: It still feels that way.
• 2:38
  [SPEAKER_00]: I often wondered if I was imagining all these helping spirits that seemed to be accruing in my field.
• 2:45
  [SPEAKER_00]: The team had yet to feel like a team, and they had yet to be named as such.
• 2:51
  [SPEAKER_00]: In that moment, I was feeling so much gratitude for our family's return to the northeast.
• 2:56
  [SPEAKER_00]: This will be our second autumn season, living in this rental house, living in Vermont, living on this mountain.
• 3:02
  [SPEAKER_00]: I thought about how much I had given up over the years to be here, to have this reality.
• 3:07
  [SPEAKER_00]: It's actually my dream to be here.
• 3:10
  [SPEAKER_00]: The dream my husband and I share of rebuilding our lives in a new way.
• 3:14
  [SPEAKER_00]: I didn't exactly envision a life in Vermont, but now that we are here, I realize how well it suits us.
• 3:20
  [SPEAKER_00]: And that's when a flash thought of a movie popped into my head.
• 3:24
  [SPEAKER_00]: I don't know why, but in that moment, I remembered Baby Boom, a film I'd watched a time or two with my roommate while living in New York City in the late 90s.
• 3:33
  [SPEAKER_00]: A romantic comedy circa 1987 with Diane Keaton and Sam Shepard.
• 3:38
  [SPEAKER_00]: Maybe you've seen it.
• 3:40
  [SPEAKER_00]: Diane Keaton's character in the movie is a big city executive who inherits a baby from a distant relative who died.
• 3:47
  [SPEAKER_00]: Suddenly her work in personal life in the big city were out of balance, and that dream for Mont Apple orchard, an old home she saw in the newspaper, sounded so alluring, she buys the property site unseen.
• 3:59
  [SPEAKER_00]: After a series of money pit scenarios with the house, she's going broke.
• 4:04
  [SPEAKER_00]: Out of necessity, she begins to make homemade applesauce from the many apples on the orchard, which her baby girl loves and devours.
• 4:11
  [SPEAKER_00]: So she keeps making more and more from a natural place, so I have an abundance of apples.
• 4:17
  [SPEAKER_00]: There's a need for the applesauce.
• 4:19
  [SPEAKER_00]: and there's even eager consumers of the many jars at local farmer's markets and grocery stores.
• 4:25
  [SPEAKER_00]: I smiled remembering how much I really enjoyed this movie.
• 4:29
  [SPEAKER_00]: And of course, you know, there's a romance with a local doctor that was woven in to create a happy, very tail-like ending.
• 4:37
  [SPEAKER_00]: Another thought, another apple dropped to the ground and I returned to my diary, returned to figuring out this very podcast that I was determined to release.
• 4:46
  [SPEAKER_00]: I've been struggling in the last several months since I released my memoir.
• 4:50
  [SPEAKER_00]: I've had so many ideas coming through, so many big ideas.
• 4:55
  [SPEAKER_00]: So many thoughts in my mind that every time I thought, with my mind that I'd grabbed a hold of a project, I was meant to carry forward.
• 5:04
  [SPEAKER_00]: The energy slipped away, and I was back at square one with where to go next.
• 5:09
  [SPEAKER_00]: Like the apples falling, and accumulating uneatened on the ground.
• 5:14
  [SPEAKER_00]: I wandered inside feeling the wheels of my mind spinning too fast, caught in loops I couldn't escape.
• 5:21
  [SPEAKER_00]: By evening in a moment of frustration with my husband as we made dinner, I lost my grounding almost completely.
• 5:28
  [SPEAKER_00]: The words tore out of me like a desperate whale.
• 5:31
  [SPEAKER_00]: I just want to move the needle.
• 5:33
  [SPEAKER_00]: I want to earn a living from my work again.
• 5:34
  [SPEAKER_00]: I want the clarity to even know what the work is.
• 5:38
  [SPEAKER_00]: Who cares about spirit?
• 5:40
  [SPEAKER_00]: Look where trusting the universe has gotten me.
• 5:42
  [SPEAKER_00]: We're broke and I'm still lost.
• 5:44
  [SPEAKER_00]: What good has it done for us?
• 5:47
  [SPEAKER_00]: I cried a soul-deep cry for alignment, for clarity, for a way through.
• 5:51
  [SPEAKER_00]: The raunus revealed how much I longed not only for survival, but for a life woven with meaning and sustainable expression.
• 6:01
  [SPEAKER_00]: I slipped outside searching for air and release.
• 6:05
  [SPEAKER_00]: My past work life had been easier in a way.
• 6:08
  [SPEAKER_00]: It was clear, abundant, grounded, organized, well-received.
• 6:13
  [SPEAKER_00]: I was a knitwear designer not too long ago, and earned a decent income by bringing my ideas to life in the form of knitting patterns that I published in downloadable PDFs and print books.
• 6:24
  [SPEAKER_00]: I went on to create a printed craft magazine that flourished for a time and this was how I helped to support my family.
• 6:31
  [SPEAKER_00]: At the beginning I loved the work.
• 6:33
  [SPEAKER_00]: The idea seemed to be never ending, the creativity at my fingertips and the resources to bring my imaginations to the material world were available.
• 6:42
  [SPEAKER_00]: Little by little I grew one knit pattern idea into an anthology of patterns and collections.
• 6:48
  [SPEAKER_00]: back then my husband and I owned a house in Maine and I would go into my beautiful studio space above the garage with a to-do list.
• 6:55
  [SPEAKER_00]: Enough fire in my body to take action and sharp clarity in knowing what needed to get done first.
• 7:01
  [SPEAKER_00]: It was a time I didn't know to appreciate.
• 7:04
  [SPEAKER_00]: It was a time when I knew what to do.
• 7:07
  [SPEAKER_00]: I knew what the work was and I knew it would support me until it didn't and it was gone and I wasn't happy in the work towards
• 7:18
  [SPEAKER_00]: but the closing of that door has been a shattering one.
• 7:22
  [SPEAKER_00]: And the opening of new doors has been slow, like riding a snail when I want to ride a jack rabbit.
• 7:29
  [SPEAKER_00]: Yet time and stillness have been necessary ingredients and truly understanding the new way of being that was forming, a way that is much more aligned with my soul.
• 7:40
  [SPEAKER_00]: Besides listening and stillness, my rebirth has taken so much trust and so much belief in my intuition.
• 7:48
  [SPEAKER_00]: As I wailed to my husband in that moment, I released pent-up frustration about the process.
• 7:54
  [SPEAKER_00]: I wasn't truly losing trust, but I was wondering what it sounded like to say such things.
• 7:59
  [SPEAKER_00]: I walked over to my lawn chair and plunkered down within the ethers of tree souls.
• 8:04
  [SPEAKER_00]: I sat near the apple tree trio, and thought as a victim of my own choices.
• 8:09
  [SPEAKER_00]: Where are my apples now?
• 8:11
  [SPEAKER_00]: It was also clear once.
• 8:13
  [SPEAKER_00]: I just want apples to make apples sauce again.
• 8:16
  [SPEAKER_00]: I did a ritual by the stream and asked the land council for guidance.
• 8:20
  [SPEAKER_00]: I'm ready.
• 8:21
  [SPEAKER_00]: I'm ready for miracles.
• 8:23
  [SPEAKER_00]: Okay, universe?
• 8:25
  [SPEAKER_00]: Okay.
• 8:27
  [SPEAKER_00]: In the following days, my Capricorn Moon moved in tandem with the Sun in Virgo and my doubt began to dissipate.
• 8:34
  [SPEAKER_00]: In the first weekend of the eclipse, I recorded the first episode of this podcast.
• 8:39
  [SPEAKER_00]: My husband worked as magic and we were able to get the Harmony Channel out in the world.
• 8:44
  [SPEAKER_00]: I also moved forward with the Settle Shaper Society, a membership on Substack that very same day.
• 8:50
  [SPEAKER_00]: The needle was moving.
• 8:52
  [SPEAKER_00]: Now I had my work containers that I felt absolute dedication to and excitement for.
• 8:56
  [SPEAKER_00]: I was feeling creative aliveness coursing through my heart which was good because now I needed to get to work.
• 9:04
  [SPEAKER_00]: As I've said, there has been a new way of being and creating, wanting to come through.
• 9:10
  [SPEAKER_00]: Recently, the mother tree of the land council asked me to connect with her each day.
• 9:15
  [SPEAKER_00]: I knew her energy would be healing, and she would feed me something that was needed for the work.
• 9:20
  [SPEAKER_00]: One day, I asked her, what should the second episode be about?
• 9:25
  [SPEAKER_00]: She replied, apples.
• 9:28
  [SPEAKER_00]: Immediately I thought about apple symbolism.
• 9:30
  [SPEAKER_00]: Okay, I like this direction.
• 9:32
  [SPEAKER_00]: I'll dig out my books.
• 9:34
  [SPEAKER_00]: I knew the apple was connected to the goddess, to the feminine, to fertility.
• 9:38
  [SPEAKER_00]: I went into my own little anthonyum and compiled the stack of references to scour for the authors understanding of apple symbolism.
• 9:47
  [SPEAKER_00]: I didn't have a lot of time to do a massive research and began to feel a pinch of overwhelmed.
• 9:52
  [SPEAKER_00]: So when I consulted with the mother tree the next day, the advice was simple.
• 9:57
  [SPEAKER_00]: Don't overthink it, she said.
• 9:59
  [SPEAKER_00]: Draw a relationship between you and the tree and the fruit.
• 10:03
  [SPEAKER_00]: Begin to write and see what comes through.
• 10:07
  [SPEAKER_00]: Who me overthink something never?
• 10:10
  [SPEAKER_00]: Well, what a relief that was.
• 10:12
  [SPEAKER_00]: Get out of the mind, step into the heart, I thought.
• 10:17
  [SPEAKER_00]: Then I wondered, what does the apple symbolize to me in my life?
• 10:23
  [SPEAKER_00]: I immediately thought about my childhood and how almost every autumn we would go apple picking and my mom would make homemade applesauce.
• 10:32
  [SPEAKER_00]: I thought about my maternal grandmother baking her signature dessert of apple pies, but I didn't sense this was the right direction for an entire episode.
• 10:42
  [SPEAKER_00]: That night, I decided to pull some cards to help guide me on the direction of this Apple episode.
• 10:48
  [SPEAKER_00]: From my astrology deck, I pulled Saturn.
• 10:51
  [SPEAKER_00]: From my taro deck, justice, and the tower card.
• 10:54
  [SPEAKER_00]: Ugh, there's that tower card again.
• 10:57
  [SPEAKER_00]: Don't be afraid, I thought.
• 10:58
  [SPEAKER_00]: The card is just suggesting I talk about my own tower transformation.
• 11:03
  [SPEAKER_00]: I was beginning to understand this episode would be about work, finding a new kind of balance, finding a new way, instead of dwelling on what once was.
• 11:12
  [SPEAKER_00]: Again, I wondered, what are my apples for applesauce?
• 11:17
  [SPEAKER_00]: A few days later, I had a dream.
• 11:19
  [SPEAKER_00]: I knew it was important and might be woven into this episode, but I wasn't sure how it fit in.
• 11:25
  [SPEAKER_00]: In the dream I heard the question, possibly from my inner voice, or perhaps it was spirit asking, what is the path to healing?
• 11:36
  [SPEAKER_00]: There was such resounding resonance with this question.
• 11:39
  [SPEAKER_00]: I immediately wrote it down the next morning in my dream journal.
• 11:43
  [SPEAKER_00]: When I looked at this question written on the page, it appeared flat.
• 11:47
  [SPEAKER_00]: There just wasn't that same vastness when I heard the question in my dream.
• 11:52
  [SPEAKER_00]: I decided to shift the sentence and swap healing for harmony, since to me they are one and the same.
• 11:59
  [SPEAKER_00]: What is the path to harmony?
• 12:02
  [SPEAKER_00]: And suddenly there was that resonance again.
• 12:05
  [SPEAKER_00]: For a long time, I have held the solo word harmony as my single seed of truth.
• 12:11
  [SPEAKER_00]: I have been slowly building the spiral of my work from the solitary word.
• 12:16
  [SPEAKER_00]: My memoir was my first attempt to make applesauce.
• 12:19
  [SPEAKER_00]: And then I got stuck.
• 12:21
  [SPEAKER_00]: For months, since the books release, I have not been able to grab hold of another apple.
• 12:30
  [SPEAKER_00]: But with all this inquiry into the apple, a light bulb turned on, what if the new apples of my new work are invisible?
• 12:38
  [SPEAKER_00]: What if the new apples are questions?
• 12:41
  [SPEAKER_00]: Or a single question asked repeatedly with no perfect answer, only endless possibilities?
• 12:48
  [SPEAKER_00]: What is the path to harmony?
• 12:51
  [SPEAKER_00]: If my old apples were yarn, then maybe my new apples were also yarn, but a different variation of the meaning, the kind of yarn that is a story, a fable, a reminiscence, a traveler's tale, and then it clicked, my new apples are intangible.
• 13:10
  [SPEAKER_00]: I will be making tangible applesauce from apples I can only sense and intuit are there.
• 13:17
  [SPEAKER_00]: I will be writing stories and discovering life patterns made from feeling, from synchronicity, from an invisible yarn spun in the subtle realm, rather than designing nip patterns made from actual, fibrous material yarn.
• 13:32
  [SPEAKER_00]: To do this, I must feel my way in the dark unknown for these apples.
• 13:37
  [SPEAKER_00]: I must trust in abundance of beautiful fruit will be there when I reach for that mysterious branch.
• 13:43
  [SPEAKER_00]: The more I trust, the more apples I will find to turn into tasty, nourishing, sweet applesauce.
• 13:50
  [SPEAKER_00]: The more I listen to spirit, the more I will understand our language, the more I will be able to weave myth with matter.
• 13:58
  [SPEAKER_00]: When I stepped back, rooted in the earth with my inner sight attuned, I see the tree of this new work and it has always been there.
• 14:06
  [SPEAKER_00]: It has just been harder to identify because it has taken so much belief and so much trust.
• 14:14
  [SPEAKER_00]: But now that my inner season is once again the time of the harvest, the branches are vibrant and full of fruit.
• 14:21
  [SPEAKER_00]: Each apple carries seeds of hope that I will plant on my Odyssey of Harmony.
• 14:26
  [SPEAKER_00]: Each seed asks this vital, ever-evolving question.
• 14:31
  [SPEAKER_00]: What is the path to healing or what is the path to Harmony?
• 14:36
  [SPEAKER_00]: These seeds of sacred inquiry will grow into fruit I can harvest year after year.
• 14:41
  [SPEAKER_00]: Again, and again, I will tend to the apples, transforming them into nourishing stories and supportive structures, for those digesting difficult or even unimaginable life experiences, for those rebuilding their creative lives, or for those reshaping their inner and outer worlds into
• 15:05
  [SPEAKER_00]: If I can plant harmony seeds, grow my imaginary orchards, and share my apple-sauce stories with those in need, then they may find their path to harmony and plant their own seeds, and well to me, that is hope.
• 15:19
  [SPEAKER_00]: Harmony is hope.
• 15:21
  [SPEAKER_00]: Okay, now I have to share this with you.
• 15:23
  [SPEAKER_00]: When I wrote that last line about hope and harmony, I looked up and saw a monarch butterfly flying toward me through the window.
• 15:35
  [SPEAKER_00]: So with that sign from Spirit, I'll sign off saying happy apples season.
• 15:39
  [SPEAKER_00]: Thank you so much for being here.
• 15:41
  [SPEAKER_00]: Much love.
• 15:42
  [SPEAKER_00]: See you, folks.