Latest / Terri Messenger's Genius Zone / TRIGGER WARNING Is Your Past Controlling Your Future

Transcript

TRIGGER WARNING Is Your Past Controlling Your Future · Terri Messenger's Genius Zone

0:00
Look, I had a breakdown in 2018 and and and at that point I.
0:04
Was that in a car? No.
0:05
No, I was actually having a breakdown mentally and I was
0:07
physically wanted to commit suicide and, and actually get
0:10
out of this. The whole just I had enough.
0:12
I literally had enough very heavy took a 20, five, $25
0:16
million a year business that I had at that time down to and it
0:19
basically got it down to $3,000,000.
0:21
And I was just ready to, to, to to end it all.
0:23
I was, I've been pushing that envelope so hard.
0:26
Yeah. And not understanding why it is.
0:28
Why did I want to become I'm that rich person?
0:30
Why did I want to become that millionaire?
0:32
Why did I want to become that successful in?
0:34
Why am I trying to justify? What was it inside of me that I
0:39
was trying to justify? That's a good question.
0:42
You're asking yourself a good question, Like why?
0:45
Yeah. And interesting that you were so
0:48
much at that crisis point from 25,000,000 to 3 million.
0:54
To 0. All to 0, now we're talking.
0:57
OK, so yeah, how did you get yourself back up?
1:01
I started with doing some short courses, understanding who I am,
1:05
relationships and you. I felt that I was losing my
1:08
wife. I, I was thought that I was
1:09
going to lose my family, my boys, the respect that I'd built
1:12
over the years and and even in Motorsports and everything else.
1:15
I was an angry and I became an angry bastard, if you like, you
1:20
know, and absolute angry. They used to call me all sorts
1:23
of names on the building side because I I was coming on site
1:26
and I was just just wanting to eat people.
1:28
I really just wanted to just knock him.
1:30
Out of the park. And were you angry because of
1:32
that loss in your business or you just highly driven?
1:35
No, it's highly driven. But why?
1:37
This is the question why was I highly driven when I I studied
1:41
cognitive therapy, directive therapy?
1:44
That's the best. Understanding narcissism How to
1:46
escape from narcissism I came from a very narcissistic family.
1:50
My father beat my mother so badly and I couldn't understand
1:53
why once again. And then it beat me so bad that
1:56
he popped both my eardrums. 5, 4321.
2:10
Edge Radio. Radio indeed.
2:13
It is time for the Genius Zone. Our resident genius is here
2:16
looking fantastic. Ready.
2:18
You're primed. You're actually sitting up a
2:19
bit. What's going?
2:20
You're up the cushions. You're kind of supposed to tell
2:22
people. This.
2:23
You're making me look short. OK, but that's the whole idea.
2:26
People need to know I'm 64. This is actually an NLP
2:30
technique technique. Well, cheese, you're winning.
2:32
Have you heard about that before?
2:33
Actually, no. You don't do it with your
2:35
friends. You do it with your frenemies.
2:37
Frenemies, all right. So hi And you know, I would
2:40
usually introduce the guest, but I think you're going to be a lot
2:44
better. Do I need to do that?
2:45
Seriously. Introducing this guest.
2:47
But before we do, is your past controlling your future?
2:52
Oh, if you'd said that to me six months ago, absolutely.
2:55
But not now. Are you quite sure about?
2:58
That I've made a little, couple little pivots, you know, I'm,
3:00
I'm tacking as we go, right? Yeah, we will say all right.
3:03
So who's the stranger in this scene would you like to
3:05
introduce? He's definitely strange, there's
3:07
no question about that. This gentleman here, of course,
3:09
is Brendan Quarterman, a guy who does the ordinary guy.
3:13
Funny enough, you show that we have here on edge but also a
3:16
gentleman I've known for many, many years 'cause I sold him a
3:19
rally car many years. Ago.
3:20
Oh yeah, that is. I thought, I thought after that
3:23
I've gotten rid of him, never see him again.
3:24
Yeah no worries. But guess what, he just dragged
3:27
me in and I became he got stuck with him now and became his Co
3:31
driver and had an absolute ball. Really enjoyed that.
3:34
One of my goals in life is to swap that thing over and me
3:37
become the Co driver and be terrified and have him back to
3:41
driving. That would be my blessing.
3:42
In God? Well, I may need to spend at
3:44
least four or five years in the gym before I get there, but hey,
3:47
you never know. But let's argue about the gym,
3:49
huh? Let's let's argue about this
3:52
business about is your past, your future.
3:55
And you know, this man Brendan walked in because it's been,
4:01
it's been amazing. It's been like crazy here at
4:04
Edge Radio today. It's been a busy.
4:06
Day. It's been full on, one show
4:09
after another, and Brendan introduced himself as the real
4:14
Aaron Malloy. Yeah, the real Slim Shady.
4:19
Please stand up. Look, if you're gonna like, take
4:21
on a fake identity, pick higher, OK?
4:23
Just raise your standards a little bit, mate.
4:25
But. They're at the top.
4:27
He's he's, he's humble today, just today.
4:30
So tell me about what you know, because I've never met you
4:33
before in my life. I have heard a few things about
4:35
you. And to be honest, I've just come
4:37
back from Mexico, which is Mexico.
4:42
Victoria. And so it's been an absolute
4:47
whirlwind. So to tell you the truth, with
4:50
everything going on, the craziness of my life, I
4:54
literally flew in a few days ago.
4:55
So the jet lag is really catching up with me.
4:59
But you know, something is. That why you were looking for
5:00
the alcohol before. No, that's for the show.
5:04
Then I realised it's only 3:00 PM in Perth, so we're about two
5:07
hours too early. But it was you who inspired the
5:12
name of the show. So tell us what you know about
5:15
Sigmund Freud's version on You Know, Is the Past controlling
5:21
Your Future? And then I'll interact.
5:23
I've studied in Look. I had a breakdown in 2018 and
5:28
and at that point I was. That in a car.
5:29
No, no, I was actually having a breakdown mentally and I was
5:32
physically wanted to commit suicide and and actually get out
5:35
of this. The whole just I had enough.
5:37
I literally had enough very heavy.
5:38
I took a 20, five, $25 million a year business that I had at that
5:42
time down to, and it basically got it down to 3 million
5:45
dollars. And I was just ready to, to, to
5:48
end it all. I, I've been pushing that
5:50
envelope so hard. Yeah.
5:51
And not understanding why it is. Why did I want to become that
5:54
rich person? Why did I want to become that
5:57
millionaire? Why did I want to become that
5:58
successful? And why am I trying to justify?
6:01
What was it inside of me that I was trying to justify?
6:05
That's a good question. You're asking yourself a good
6:08
question. Like why?
6:10
Yeah. And interesting that you were so
6:13
much at that crisis point from 25,000,000 to 3 million to 00 to
6:20
0. Now we're talking.
6:21
OK, So yeah, how did you get yourself back up?
6:26
I started with doing some short courses, understanding who I am,
6:30
relationships in Europe. I felt that I was losing my
6:32
wife. I, I was felt that I was going
6:34
to lose my family, my boys, the respect that I built over the
6:37
years and, and even in Motorsports and everything else.
6:40
I was an angry and I became an angry bastard, if you like, you
6:45
know, and absolute angry. They used to call me all sorts
6:47
of names on the building side because I was coming on site and
6:50
I was just just wanting to eat people.
6:53
I really just wanted to just knock him out of the.
6:55
Park And Were you angry because of that loss in your business,
6:58
or were you just highly driven? No, it was highly driven.
7:01
But why? This is the question.
7:03
Why was I highly driven when I I studied cognitive therapy?
7:07
Directive therapy? That's the best.
7:09
Understanding narcissism, How to escape from narcissism.
7:12
I came from a very narcissistic family.
7:15
My father beat my mother so badly and I couldn't understand
7:18
why once again. And then it beat me so bad that
7:21
he popped both my eardrums. So with that assault, as a 5
7:24
year old world, we're just trying to understand why.
7:27
Why I do the things I couldn't understand simple things.
7:30
Why do I like martial arts? Why do I go to the gym?
7:34
Why do I do the things that I do?
7:36
Why do I run as a child as fast as I could run?
7:39
Why were those things happening? And in reality, those things,
7:43
all of the things that we've done in the past, are all
7:46
controlled by the things that happened in the first five years
7:48
of your life. Yes, I do agree with that
7:50
because that's the formative years and I would suggest what
7:54
were you running from my father. Yeah, see, see that's.
7:58
The thing? Yep, running from your family,
8:00
Mama said. If you think you can run away
8:02
from something. Then you can't.
8:04
Stay. Look in the mirror because
8:06
you're still there because the thing that you're trying to run
8:08
away from. In reality, I got to the point
8:11
now where I understand that I've become the hero that I was
8:14
looking for when I was five years old.
8:17
Wow, that's a hell of a point, because yeah, you do become what
8:19
you needed, right? That's.
8:20
Right. You become the hero.
8:22
Yep. So like in in Aaron's case with
8:23
his kids, with what he did with this with his family thing, he
8:27
had to become the voice for that for those kids.
8:31
If reality, yes, because what happened to him, what happened
8:34
to him as a childhood, those events have reoccurred and that
8:37
that damage has been done to those children.
8:40
Well, they've been their thing to be think it's like my mother
8:43
was was raped. All right, very as a 6 to 12
8:47
year old, 16 year old several times, but understanding where
8:50
that man came from, that man came off of World War 2.
8:54
They were we we had all these men coming back off of World War
8:57
2 into an environment that was predominantly being run by
9:01
women. All of the buildings, all of the
9:03
businesses, all of the companies, everything, all the
9:06
manufacturing jobs were all being done by women.
9:09
Doesn't excuse that kind of behaviour.
9:11
Yeah. Anyway, yeah, no, not even then.
9:13
I, I, I, I'm with you on the front.
9:16
We. Did not understand PTSD.
9:18
No, spot on. I was just going to say we, we
9:20
can't judge people on today's parameters.
9:23
All right, that's right. At the same time, you know some
9:25
things are just never kosher. When she came here, there was as
9:29
a 16 year old, she was brought into the country.
9:31
She had a choice. I would go to prison.
9:32
Yeah, in the UK, or come here as a nanny.
9:34
I made a movie about it. Yeah, about these women.
9:37
And my mum was. By the way, my mum was nominated
9:39
mother of the year 3 times. She's fostered over 60.
9:41
Six. That's amazing.
9:42
Why did she foster 66 kids understand the.
9:46
Question. Yeah, because of her own loss?
9:48
Absolutely. What?
9:49
Happened to her. This.
9:50
We do everything predominantly because what we did, the
9:53
assaults that came through my dad before he died, said to me,
9:58
you want to know the answer to what happened back when you were
10:01
5? Ask your sister to do ADNA test.
10:04
Oh, OK. And I went, holy shit, it just
10:07
dropped the penny drop. That's the two children that my
10:10
mother was assaulted over weren't my dad's.
10:12
Right, right. Definitely.
10:13
The two that are look, you know, I, I hear this.
10:16
And do you know the name of the show?
10:18
The name of the show is the Genius Zone.
10:20
And do you know where that was born from?
10:22
It was born from exactly where you've come from.
10:25
So I remember actually consulting with a woman in
10:28
clinic one day and she when I asked her, because NLP is about
10:33
changing people's states, it's about pattern interruptions and
10:38
being able to take that part. Like I do believe Freud when he
10:43
says that our past is controlling our future.
10:47
However, I also believe Adler when he states that we can take
10:52
control of our destiny. Floyd's whole system was created
10:59
and said that you are the person you are today from the events
11:01
that happened in the past. Yeah, Adler says.
11:04
You are the person that from the from the events that happened in
11:07
the past, but you have the choice to change them.
11:08
Exactly, and that's what NLP is all about.
11:11
OK, I'm about and this is something I I want to get out if
11:14
you like so many people go, oh, this happened in my past, that
11:17
happened in my past. Therefore that's who I am.
11:19
No, you've got free will. OK, these things they did.
11:23
I mean, make no mistake, I mean I can speak for my own self or
11:25
but so many people I know, we all we a lot of us went through
11:29
some horrible stuff. Some of us went through some
11:31
wonderful stuff. The fact of the matter is.
11:33
Though both good and bad. Anyway, it wasn't like we it
11:36
wasn't all crisis. But we're trained.
11:39
Our brains are trained to focus on the bad.
11:41
Yeah, but my, what I'm saying to you and I obviously, you know,
11:44
NLP is such a big thing about this is OK, you can train, you
11:47
can retrain your brain, you can choose, you can choose your own
11:51
adventure, you can choose your, your future.
11:53
Yeah, the turning point for me was, was I was always angry.
11:58
And this beautiful lady Elfina, Yeah, who I went to see with
12:01
this is with an an education group we called EQ, which is,
12:05
you know, working on the, on the, on the, on the on the mind
12:07
and everything. She said you have a choice.
12:10
And I went, what? Because she has a choice to be
12:12
angry or sad. Yeah.
12:13
And this is how simple it is really is all happy when you
12:15
open up. Yeah.
12:16
When you open up your Facebook page, you've got a thing that
12:18
comes up and you can either say thumbs up, happy face, sad face,
12:22
Yeah. Emoji.
12:24
Love, Yeah. It's your choice, your choice.
12:27
Have you heard of the presupposition?
12:29
It's never too late to have a happy childhood, and this is
12:33
because you can go back in time, and sometimes we have to go back
12:39
in time to change the past so we can change the future.
12:44
So quite often we're living out of it, and that's where the
12:46
genius zone was born, because it's about turning pain to
12:50
power. I did AI, did a course with MJB
12:52
over here in Balcatta with Mitchell Mills and they're an
12:54
amazing couple. I'd love to get them on on with
12:56
us one day because they're really cool people, right?
12:58
And Mitch and Mitch is brilliant, absolutely.
13:00
But he took me to a point, he said to me, go out to the go out
13:02
into the into the field and talk to five people, as many people
13:06
as you want, one person, whatever.
13:07
Talk to whoever you want to talk to.
13:08
Ask him this question and see how many you got.
13:11
And he knew straight away that I would I would have the most
13:13
number of people. I came back and he said, how
13:15
many did you get? I said 4, possibly 5.
13:17
And he goes, can I ask you a question?
13:18
How many fathers did you have? And I went, oh, shit.
13:21
He says, you've had four fathers and possibly 5, right.
13:24
And I went, what? He says, yeah, the first guy you
13:26
spoke to gave you that answer. And that was an answer.
13:28
That was one thing. He said, OK, that's your first
13:30
father. This is your second father.
13:32
So your first father, He he assaulted you.
13:35
You stood up to him with a stick, remember?
13:37
And I went, yes. So there was your lesson.
13:39
Your lesson was how to stand up to to bullies.
13:42
Yeah. OK, so five years old, standing
13:44
up, doing with a stick. He had decided to pop both
13:46
eardrums. Yeah.
13:47
You know, so that was fine. The next guy comes along and do
13:49
our lives is Uncle George. Uncle George is a Golden Gloves
13:53
boxer. I always wondered where my
13:55
martial arts comes from. There you go.
13:57
He's my Golden Gloves boxer. And from that day I have
13:59
studied. I have a black belt in Kung Fu.
14:02
I've done Arakan karate, all these different things to find
14:06
that hero inside of me. Then I've got the next one is
14:08
where's where's Quarterman? The man that I class as my dad,
14:12
he is my father by choice. He's the name that I hold.
14:15
My name is not Brendan Quarterman, it's Brendan Beatty.
14:17
But my father is, is, is. This was he, your biological
14:21
father. He was actually.
14:22
So he's your chosen father. And father?
14:24
Not only that, he was Aboriginal.
14:26
Yes, OK. And when?
14:27
When? When my mother and father had a
14:29
had a had a wedding, they he did a ceremony adopting us two
14:34
children. This was back in the 1980s.
14:36
This was never heard of an aboriginal man adopting 2 white
14:40
kids. But he was amazing.
14:42
He taught me everything I know. He taught me how to fix things,
14:44
how to build stuff. He was that right.
14:47
And then he dies. My mum remarries again to a guy
14:50
called Bill Osborne. Now Bill's an amazing man.
14:53
You know what? What he does is Bowen special?
14:55
He does Bowen. Yeah.
14:56
He taught me how to heal men's hearts 1 heart at a time.
15:00
So that's. Where the healer comes in.
15:02
And then I found out that my mother was my father.
15:05
Your mother was. Your mother was my father.
15:06
How does? That how does how does your
15:08
mother become your father? He was the overseer of all of
15:11
this, protecting us. Right, OK.
15:13
OK, so she's the mother of and my and my mother and my father,
15:16
Yes. And then above that again is
15:18
what I call the 6th Yes. And that's the Father in heaven.
15:21
Yes, my, our universal God. Your Father in heaven, I love
15:24
that. Protect protected the US as
15:26
children because my dad was a psycho and it wasn't until I
15:30
learnt about who he was and why he was doing that.
15:33
Yeah, my dad, even going through this cognitive therapy and
15:35
understanding that my dad was a psycho because his job was in
15:40
the Army, he was a service member like I am.
15:43
Couldn't work out why I wanted to be in the Army.
15:45
So he was a service member, losing Ramey, and his job was
15:48
cleaning eyeballs. What a job.
15:51
Body parts out of helicopters and sending him back to Vietnam.
15:55
Could he change people's vision with it as well?
15:57
No, I don't know, no funny parts about this, but that's the the
16:00
aggression and and all that that he was getting at work and all
16:03
that pain of all those body parts being inside these
16:05
helicopters. Oh my.
16:07
Gosh, and then sending him back to Vietnam to get more body
16:09
parts it. Was.
16:10
Horrific. Because it's horrific.
16:12
I didn't know that. And, you know, I remember having
16:15
a guy that came in to quit smoking one day and he said to
16:20
me he wanted to quit, but he was smoking two to three packets.
16:22
He was in the Vietnam War. And he mentioned that.
16:25
And I said we need to deal with that PTSD.
16:28
And he goes, Oh no, no, no, no. Because a lot of those guys that
16:31
come out of the war are so traumatised they can't talk
16:35
about it. But he said, I'm not talking
16:37
about it. And then I said, you don't have
16:40
to talk about it. What you really need to do is go
16:43
back and make peace with it, learn from it, but release that
16:48
horrible vision and that trauma that's living in your body so
16:53
that when you are quitting that habit, whether it be smoking, in
16:57
his case it was smoking because he started talking when I said
17:01
to him, you don't have to talk about it.
17:02
He began talking about it. But as he was talking about it,
17:06
Can you believe he was looking up in the air and he was saying
17:09
they were dropping potatoes out of the plains.
17:12
That's how they were delivering their food and but he was still
17:16
looking up. So he was still living in that
17:18
moment. So here he is sitting in, in the
17:21
clinic, but he's living in his past and bringing it into his
17:27
present. So you know what we did?
17:30
We took him back. So this is the beauty.
17:32
And I noticed that you also talked about CBT, cognitive
17:36
behavioural therapy. It actually derived from NLP and
17:40
it is one of the greatest things.
17:42
That's why when you said vision and I said, oh, does that change
17:46
the vision? We take everything literally.
17:48
We use all the words and we patent interrupt.
17:53
So one of the elements and like the woman I was talking about at
17:58
the beginning of the session, she came in and she said and I
18:02
was wanting to get her into a good state.
18:04
You know, like the one in the workshop the other day.
18:07
We're stepping into our power. We're visualizing who we want to
18:12
be. We're bringing back memories of
18:14
confidence, empowerment, joy, peace, love.
18:18
And then when I was asking her to do that, she could not find
18:22
one happy occasion in her life. And I said, come on, there must
18:27
be something. But in the end, she said, Terry,
18:30
she said, I am a byproduct. I was conceived as a case of
18:34
rape. So it's like, well, if you if
18:38
that's your life from there. But we do.
18:41
Intimacy. Yes.
18:42
At that point of intimacy, there was no love Exactly.
18:47
So therefore that was not projected into that poor, poor
18:50
girl's. That's right.
18:51
We know now that at that point of conception, when that seed is
18:54
conceived, there is a light. And if it's conceived without
18:59
love, that that child really is going to struggle.
19:03
Yes, and that's exactly what happened.
19:05
I'll tell you about struggle. I've been struggling for the
19:07
last, I reckon 7 minutes to actually slot this in, if I may.
19:10
I'm saying that we've got the little sign that's come up that
19:13
says people are sending messages through other different
19:16
locations. OK, exactly so and destinations.
19:19
So lovely to see you. Fantastic.
19:21
If you have questions or comments you'd like to.
19:23
Make. Please do it.
19:24
Best place to do it is jump on to our YouTube channel and watch
19:28
through YouTube or obviously our Facebook channel also will work
19:31
for you. Each Radio Australia on Facebook
19:33
or on YouTube and that way if you like subscribe, you can be
19:36
part of the conversation, which is just a fantastic thing.
19:38
This is what we want. We wanted directions, yeah.
19:41
And I'd like to hit the road running and continue on with
19:44
your story, Brendan. So you know, what we're doing
19:48
with neuro linguistic programming is we are not
19:53
denying that we've all been through stress.
19:56
We've all been through trauma. I know even today, I'm living
20:01
today and right now and well, maybe half an hour ago as a
20:06
result of what happened this morning.
20:09
So I had my own stress. And you know, you feel your
20:14
yesterday is your tomorrow. So the question is, how can we
20:18
change that? I, I heard something the other
20:20
day, which is really, it's just actually my own little story.
20:23
I wrote this one. So I'm I'm the author of this
20:25
one. It's a guy waiting for the train
20:29
at the at the Australian train station in Bunbury and sitting
20:31
there and he's walking up and down waiting for the train.
20:33
On board the train is his wife and his two children.
20:36
And he hadn't seen them for two weeks because I've been away for
20:38
two weeks and he had to continue to work and he's looking forward
20:40
to actually seeing them. So he walks up to the conductor
20:43
and says when there's a train train during at 8:00, he goes
20:45
okay, then it's 5 to 8. It should be here in 5 minutes.
20:48
5 minutes after 8:00 he goes where's the train is still on
20:50
its way because yeah, but it's running late.
20:52
Starts to get agitated 15 minutes into the train being
20:56
late because the Austrian is predominantly always 15 to 30
20:59
minutes late. It's time to.
21:01
Standard Time and it's always like he was fuming.
21:05
But once those children came off the train and give him a hug and
21:09
a cuddle, he's almost forgotten. And he gets to the car and he
21:13
puts the kids in the car, he puts the baggage and he kisses
21:16
his wife. He has now totally forgotten
21:19
that the train was late. Was it worth going through that
21:22
process of stress and then all that beforehand?
21:24
The answer is no. Understanding that there is an
21:27
outcome when the outcome is that the back will never happen, what
21:30
is? Great on it focus on the outcome
21:32
there. You know it's gonna be posted.
21:33
That's. Right.
21:34
No, but even when it's bad, well, I mean even, well what I
21:38
mean by that, OK, is that sometimes bad stuff happens to
21:42
us, you know this, you know, and even though we can go through a
21:47
crisis, I mean there is so much crisis going on in the world at
21:50
the moment. However, when we can look at it,
21:54
and this is like the DIY 101 sort of stuff that I can say
21:58
safely on edge Radio Australia. You don't have to be safe on
22:03
edge. Come on.
22:03
Come on. But you know, I mean, you don't
22:05
know who's and you want to be careful not to trigger people as
22:08
well. So we need to actually put a
22:10
trigger warning on this now. But the fact is that if we can
22:16
look at our crisis, if we can look at what is going on in our
22:20
lives and go back and go, what have we learnt from it?
22:25
And this is the genius zone here.
22:27
This is where it comes from. One of the.
22:29
Hardest things that we've been told, though, I'm sorry to
22:31
interrupt, that you cannot create objectivity if you're
22:36
immersed in the problem. Absolutely.
22:39
So therefore you're now. Coming out of the pub, out of
22:41
the bar, you've got your keys in your hand, your car sitting
22:44
there. Yeah, you know you're drunk.
22:47
Yes, okay. Yes, you cannot create
22:49
objectivity to not take that car for a drive, and you don't.
22:54
And this is where we've got to stop and literally step one step
22:57
back and go where, where can I, how can I look at the box from
23:01
the outside in rather than the box from the inside out?
23:05
Yeah, don't act straight away. Don't act in emotion.
23:08
Is that what you mean? Yeah, exactly.
23:09
That, yeah, because I know people.
23:10
I mean people. People hit buttons, they press
23:13
send buttons to send messages and emails.
23:16
And how many emails do we send? And messages?
23:20
I can remember a funny, quick, funny story when I first broke
23:24
up with my initial and I actually I was married.
23:28
I was happily married with my subsequent we were discussing.
23:33
And side joke everyone just so you know.
23:35
So anyway, so we we used to argue, but he.
23:39
So we're not saying your first wife.
23:40
He. Argued.
23:41
He argued more than I did. And one day he gave me a message
23:45
that wasn't very nice. And so I got on my phone and I
23:49
started writing this message back.
23:51
But it was shocking. It was really, you know, it was
23:55
given him as good as he gave and more.
23:57
I was, I was going in for the kill, right.
24:00
And as I was I was going, I looked back at my message and
24:03
I'm going, Oh yeah, never gonna send that.
24:06
And my husband, I just need to finish here.
24:09
My subsequent husband or my my late husband came up, put his
24:15
arms around me and the button went off and it sent it.
24:19
No. You know, how many times do we,
24:24
you know, we send things that, I mean, that was a funny story,
24:28
but sometimes we do it in anger or we do it in emotion.
24:31
Is it that your soul really needed?
24:35
To do that. For that to go yes, well, that
24:38
gives you a closure. I like that.
24:41
And sometimes things happen, like last night I.
24:43
Was I'm going to interrupt you mate, because we need to talk
24:45
about Leah's salt Leah has been sitting on the screen so patient
24:49
thank you Leah Wilson fantastic to get a message from you now
24:52
I'll. Be happy to answer the question.
24:54
Yeah, there we go. So Leah's question is, if we can
24:56
think over the bad, why can't we think over the +2?
24:59
Well, that, Leah, you know, as you know, really what I would
25:05
say is that this is something that's so normal.
25:08
It's something we all do. So we could have 10 good things
25:12
happen to us in a day and then we could have a crisis or
25:17
something negative. We are going to be really
25:21
focusing. That's just the way the human
25:23
mind works. And like Brendan said, I think
25:27
that was enormous to be able to say that, not to act in our
25:32
emotion, not to act when we are angry or when we are emotional,
25:37
but to step back. And one of the key things that I
25:40
often say to people is if you are nursing and rehearsing a
25:44
problem and you know you are, this is not good for your
25:47
nervous system. It's not good for your immune
25:50
system either because it's, you know, releasing all this bad
25:53
chemical in your body. So you know what is 2 times?
25:57
You'd know the answer to this question.
25:58
What is 2 times negative? A negative.
26:02
Three times negative is a positive.
26:04
Scientifically, yes, two times negative equals a positive.
26:08
So if you were to say, let's just say you're feeling.
26:12
So firstly, people get engrossed in the problem.
26:14
You know, that person said that to me or that didn't happen, or
26:17
they didn't do this or that didn't happen.
26:19
So while they're getting engrossed in that, that's,
26:22
that's not the real problem. What you've got to ask self is
26:25
how am I feeling? Yeah, OK, what is this really
26:28
making me feel? And usually it comes down to one
26:31
of three things predominantly. Number one, that you feel a lack
26:35
of love and connection. Yep.
26:37
And even if you are feeling angry, it can come down to a
26:41
feeling of lack of love and connection.
26:42
This is not in the right order either.
26:44
No #2 is that you may be feeling like you are insignificant,
26:49
unimportant, not meaningful. And how, how badly does that
26:53
affect people when they don't feel important?
26:55
Yeah. Yeah, I mean, I know that was my
26:57
big thing, right? That was not what I grew up.
26:59
Not. Change back fast, OK, Otherwise
27:02
you're not there. Yeah, so.
27:05
Well, we're not just talking about texting.
27:06
I'm teasing help. But, you know, and the last one
27:09
is certainty. And I've seen all three of these
27:12
and I do all of them very, very well.
27:14
So ask yourself, am I feeling, am I coming from a place of
27:18
uncertainty or am I coming from a place of, you know,
27:23
insignificance and feeling unimportant, or am I coming from
27:26
a place where I feel a lack of love and respect?
27:32
So when you can answer that question, this is where the two
27:34
negatives come in. So if it is I feel unloved, how
27:38
does that feel to feel unloved? Or if it's, if it's unimportant,
27:43
how does it feel to feel unimportant?
27:45
I think there's a typical word for it.
27:47
It's called crap. Crap, I like that.
27:50
OK, so let's say I feel unimportantly crap.
27:54
Alright, you. Can.
27:55
So the moment you put those two words together, that diffuses
28:01
that feeling in your body. Now, nobody is asking you to
28:05
climb out of the mud. I mean, I remember being a
28:08
practitioner and training people and regretting it after because,
28:12
you know, we're saying, well, let's step into the feeling of
28:15
love. Let's, you know, step into the
28:17
feeling of joy. Let's step into the feeling of
28:20
empowerment. And then they take it into
28:24
context of if something happens that's quite bad, a crisis hits
28:29
and I'm in a mood where I feel emotionally unstuck, sure.
28:34
Or I'm feeling sad or I'm feeling afraid or whatever that
28:39
is. Oh, no, no, no, no, you can't
28:40
feel like that, Terry. I'm like, damn straight.
28:43
I can feel. I've got every right to feel
28:45
that way. You have every right to feel
28:47
bad. And you know what?
28:49
Own it. Own it.
28:50
The first thing you've got to do, you know, the second thing
28:54
is those two words. But the first thing is this is
28:57
how I feel. I'm going to own this.
29:00
I, I. And when you embrace those
29:03
feelings, you're not running away from it.
29:06
You're not causing it to, you know, be deferred and then to
29:10
come back later. Well, there's no denial about
29:12
it, is there? When, when you own it, you've
29:14
got to confront it. Well, I think so anyway.
29:16
I hope that answered Dalia's question.
29:18
Yeah. Yeah, it was a great question.
29:19
Thank you. I've done.
29:20
I'm actually a practitioner in self-directed healing.
29:23
Beautiful. And understanding why that
29:25
isn't. And when I was going through my
29:27
training, I passed A-12 millimetre goal stain because I
29:32
held. My mother.
29:33
I held my mother here and it's the organ that's closest to your
29:37
heart. So I held her here and when she
29:40
died I had to pass that gallstone to allow my mother to
29:45
be released from my body. And it was really funny because
29:48
I went to the doctor and he said I've gone, I can't find you
29:52
gallstone. And I said it's gone, I've
29:54
crushed it, I've got rid of it and I've passed.
29:57
It profound. And you can do these things, but
30:00
if you understand we, we are learning now in the 1920s, you
30:05
went to the doctor. You know what he used to say to
30:06
you? Tell me what's wrong.
30:09
And you say I've got a migraine. OK, what's going on at home?
30:13
Yeah, now, now we're talking. That's a real doctor.
30:16
There's no more of those around. Anymore what's happening around
30:19
work? What are you?
30:19
What's going on? And today it's I have this pill
30:22
for that. I have that shot for that, yeah.
30:24
It's just lollies and see you later, yeah.
30:26
Yeah, it's like, yeah, it's just.
30:28
Scripted by. Coming up next week, you know,
30:30
Yeah, I remember a story goes like this.
30:32
Doctor come. Yeah.
30:33
Walks into the guy walks into the doctor's surgery and sits
30:35
down in front of the doctor and he goes and he just dies.
30:39
The doctor sits there and goes Oh my God, I'm a failure.
30:42
I'm a useless, you know, doctor. My patients all die.
30:45
Oh, this. I quit.
30:47
I've had enough. Actually, he didn't what a
30:49
doctor did. Grabbed by the scruff, walk him
30:51
around the chair like dragged him, put his through a shoot.
30:54
Gets on the thing goes next. Please.
30:56
And that's what we need to be starting to look at.
30:58
What's next. Yeah, next please, because it
31:00
can't fix. That man, I'm, I'm, I'm going to
31:02
tell a relevant story here, but I was in court this morning.
31:06
I'll be able to discuss that more on social media, sure, a
31:09
little later, but not now. And interestingly, my, my case
31:14
was just a civil residential. So we're just a, you know, we're
31:19
just a, an, A family in the ointment really.
31:22
But the case before me was that big case that's going on in
31:26
Perth where that guy King hit a person and killed him in the
31:31
front of a, a nightclub. And of course, I was told by
31:36
some of the people, look, this is, you know, this is what's
31:39
going on. This is the case that's going on
31:41
in the court. And there were all cameramen.
31:42
And then I thought, I'm going to end up in the Channel 7 news
31:45
tonight. Wouldn't be the first time.
31:46
And then, and do you know the culprit, the guy that did the
31:53
deed walked out of court like he was the king of the world.
31:58
I could not believe it. But he he obviously, despite the
32:02
fact that this was AI mean, I'm nervous because I'm doing
32:07
something trivial. Sure.
32:08
I mean, he's there because he's killed somebody, but the
32:12
difference is he walks out like he's king of the world.
32:17
My case was dismissed because I chose to do a peace offering and
32:21
even though I could have really seen a lot more out of it than
32:27
the other party, he accepted and it was dismissed.
32:32
So that was. That was and and that's the most
32:34
positive way forward. OK, so, but this other guy who's
32:37
who's been in the and I don't know the details of the kid, but
32:41
you know, to, to walk out with that kind of confidence, that
32:43
kind of arrogance says a lot. I mean, how do you unpack?
32:48
Yeah, well, that's what I mean. Like unconscionable.
32:51
I mean, I'm not going to say. I mean, look.
32:53
Spent 10 minutes with him in a in a quiet conversation in a
32:56
room because it's not him understanding that that is not
32:59
his fault he's. Only.
33:03
He's a very young man. Yeah, I don't know.
33:05
His fault. I'm seriously, it's not his
33:07
fault. Remember the the movie?
33:09
What was it called with what's his name?
33:12
The comedian that that committed suicide.
33:15
Oh, Robin Woody was your favorite.
33:16
Yeah, favorite Goodwill hunting. Yeah, yeah.
33:19
Goodwill. Hunting.
33:20
It's not your fault. Yeah.
33:21
He goes. It's not your fault.
33:22
The events that are occurring to you are not your fault.
33:26
Yes, and unbelievably, brilliantly and, and that is, I
33:29
mean one of the most pertinent and important scenes in modern
33:34
cinema, I would think, because I think it speaks to so many
33:36
people. I was I was in a situation where
33:39
a particular group of gang members were sending their boys
33:48
to me before they did their eight-year stints in prison.
33:51
What? And I remember this one guy and
33:54
he was a giant, like I was a Midget to him.
33:58
He we could have, you know, I grabbed him by the hand and I
34:01
hang onto his hand and he's throwing punches at me and I'm
34:04
not letting go. And he goes, why don't you let
34:07
go of my hand? And I says, because your father
34:10
forgot to hold yours. Wow and.
34:13
He just went to his knees and was crying and on my shoulder
34:16
and sobbing. Yeah.
34:18
Because that event that's occurring, why was I nailed it?
34:22
Because his father forgot to hold his hand.
34:25
OK, I'm going to throw in and be the devil's advocate here.
34:28
OK, there's a time where you need to stand up and take
34:31
responsibility. People too often will go I had a
34:35
bad childhood or this happened to my childhood and and they'll
34:37
they'll blame all their bad, bad behaviour.
34:41
But they don't. It's.
34:42
Like so many people use it as excuses.
34:44
No, I don't buy that. OK, We've all had crap happen to
34:47
us. We've all had negative
34:48
experiences. It is what you choose.
34:51
You have the ability of free will.
34:53
You need to use. No, I don't.
34:54
I don't agree. I don't agree, I think.
34:56
The. Ability of free will no you
34:58
learn how to do free will well, you can have a certain amount
35:01
of. Condition.
35:02
I actually agree with both of you because on one hand, a bit
35:05
like Adler and Freud, we've got Aaron who's what I feel that
35:11
Aaron is really saying is that there is no excuse for bad
35:15
behaviour to that extent. And that that these people are
35:20
these are the people that you know, are making up excuses.
35:24
And I do believe in the rule, no excuses.
35:27
Then there's yourself and I agree with you as well because
35:30
you're saying people need to learn this and whatever is.
35:35
I mean, I've dealt with ex convicts, people that have
35:38
walked straight out of jail and their people have brought them
35:41
straight into clinic and set them down.
35:44
And I look at them like a soul. I don't look at them like a a
35:47
criminal because I know that whatever they've done, it's in
35:52
the past, but they need to learn something.
35:55
Different baby. Never eat chocolate.
35:58
It won't ever have an addiction for chocolate.
36:01
Exactly. And this is the problem with.
36:03
We don't understand why things have occurred to you from your
36:08
events of the past. There is no way for you to move
36:11
forward, but you're stuck in that space.
36:13
You're you're a highly you are a highly intelligent man.
36:16
That's debatable. I no, you are.
36:19
I mean, how do you know how to orchestrate?
36:21
Like for example, if our past did not depict our future, how
36:26
would you know what to do when it comes to ending this live
36:29
stream? So there, there is a lot of
36:32
moving parts that go on around this place and you can do them
36:35
with your eyes shut. And I noticed that, but if they
36:38
change, you don't like it very much.
36:39
But that's just a side note. But you know, because of what
36:45
you've learned, you are bringing that into a future.
36:48
So that's a positive side, I agree.
36:50
And I want to just make something clear, right.
36:52
So we're on the same page here. I, I thoroughly agree with you
36:55
from the point of view of we are very much influenced by our
36:58
past, what's happening in our childhood that sets the
37:00
barometer for so much of what you are now.
37:03
And. Those things have occurred.
37:06
You have the choice to change exactly.
37:08
Sure. For me, for me, like it's when
37:11
like I deal a lot in politics, OK.
37:13
When I speak to politicians who have just had a silver spoon in
37:16
their mouth their entire life, they've never had a real job,
37:18
whatever. I have 0 respect for them.
37:20
I'll be absolutely frank. The people who have had to like
37:23
dig themselves out of drama to, to tear themselves up.
37:27
The people I really relate to and I trust and I feel far more
37:30
comfortable with people with the past.
37:32
Experience. Yeah, look, experience to me and
37:34
and if. You, our politician, you know
37:36
Mr. Elbow with no past. No pass at all.
37:38
Just you know what, just silver. Right, he's never had.
37:41
Jobs, well, never had hold. On a minute he was still I mean,
37:44
I I'm not saying either or, but that man was still raised by a
37:49
single mother. Yeah, you know what?
37:51
Why was he raised by a single mum?
37:53
OK, because his mum. But he.
37:57
Anyhow, alright, so we are we we, we are getting but no.
38:01
No, no, but yeah, but, but no. The path is this, if somebody
38:05
is, in my opinion anyway, and you can throw this out if you
38:08
don't agree with it, but they again, if people have had a
38:11
colourful past then I I think they'd bring more.
38:14
Texts to be a colourful person, yeah.
38:15
But they'd bring more text due to the conversation, quite
38:17
frankly. And I think that when you've got
38:20
experience means everything. Absolutely, because that's where
38:23
pain becomes power and that's where the genius zone comes into
38:28
it because it's because of people's past and that grit.
38:33
Like you will have a very strong conviction about fathers who are
38:40
deprived from their children I'm.
38:42
A I'm a I'm a product of the the.
38:44
Perimetry and and yeah. I was.
38:47
I was told. You know what I was told?
38:49
I was told You're just like your father.
38:52
You're just like your father. You know what I found out?
38:54
I'm just like my mother. If they can't even look like
38:56
her, just just the male. But it's an old age saying, but
39:00
you know, it's those things that we hear that we become too.
39:03
But I'm gonna pick up again what you said, Brendan.
39:06
And it's, it's Adler's point of view.
39:09
We don't have to. I believe in Freud, and I
39:12
followed him a lot. But the fact is that, yes, I
39:15
believe that our past does create our present.
39:20
But we can be the master of our destiny.
39:23
We don't have to be the victim of our history.
39:26
Yeah. Jung says exactly that.
39:27
You don't have to be a thing of your history.
39:29
And so does what's his name, other guy that's on that's
39:32
famous today who does all this sort of.
39:33
Stuff Anthony Robbins. Oh, the other one.
39:35
Joe Dispenza. Oh, Joe Dispenza.
39:38
What? An amazing.
39:39
OK, these are all my teachers. Yeah, my teachers too.
39:42
I'm understanding that space, you know.
39:43
But because I'm a facilitator, I won't use the word coach because
39:47
the word coach to me means that you're better than someone else
39:50
if you're if you're been. You know I'm never going to use
39:52
that word again now. Because it's a coach, right?
39:54
You are brought on as a football coach.
39:56
That means that you are better than the people that you're
39:58
training. Half the time you're not.
39:59
No, because that's not what makes a good coach.
40:02
I find that I learn more from my my patients I have.
40:06
The I'm gonna shit I have the opportunity to talk to a federal
40:09
police officer and I said to him, what was the defining stage
40:14
in your life that you became a a police officer a police officer
40:18
1st and then a fed he goes. It was one day I was over in
40:21
Victoria and we were my, my mates and all, we're going to
40:23
knock off this liquor store, right?
40:26
And I chose at that point to walk in the the different
40:29
direction, let them go and and they're, I then became a police
40:32
officer for because of that. And I said, no, it's not so tell
40:34
me about your childhood. And he looked at me with a
40:36
straight face and said I had a brilliant childhood, an
40:41
absolutely perfect uninterrupted schooling.
40:44
Everything was perfect. My grandmother and grandfather
40:47
brought me out well. There you.
40:49
Go. So where's your parents?
40:51
They died in. The car accident that's exactly
40:53
right doesn't get. Much further.
40:55
Right, That's right. Go back further.
40:56
Go back to where's your parents? You know, they both died in a
40:59
car accident. That's the deciding factor of
41:02
you being what you are today. Police officer and I talk to
41:05
nurses all the time. When were you raped by your
41:08
sibling or father or A and they go, you're kidding me.
41:11
That's the time that they became nurses or who died at that
41:15
point. Who made that decision?
41:17
Look, is rape a good thing? No, it's not disgusting, but it
41:20
creates the person you are today because those people are
41:23
counsellors. They're the ones that are out
41:24
there. I got raped at 8:00, so I know
41:27
what it's like to be to be. Definitely a trigger warning on
41:30
this one and look to to bring it in because as we start to
41:34
conclude, and I appreciate that transparent because that's the
41:41
kind of transparency that someone that's going to watch
41:44
this is going to go, Oh my gosh, I can be like Brendan.
41:49
I can go through what Brendan has been through and I can
41:55
become a better person. Because you hear right, I went
41:58
to my mother's funeral, OK. And the man was there.
42:02
Oh dear. And I walked up to him and I am
42:04
massive, like was his fighter. And I said I have two choices
42:07
right now. 1 is that I can take you outside and beat the living
42:10
crap out of you, or I'm going to give you a hug and say thank you
42:14
for creating the person I am today beautiful.
42:16
And that's what I did. He walked out of there, sat in
42:19
his car and cried. As he.
42:20
As he should, as he would. And you know what?
42:23
I say bravo to you on that. Because people do days and days
42:27
and weeks and weeks in intensive training to get to that level
42:32
where they can release the perpetrator nobody and forgive.
42:37
Because you've learnt that you control your life and you are
42:42
the master. Of nobody puts an injection to
42:44
me, nobody tells me what to do. Yeah, only person I listen to is
42:47
either my wife and God. Yes, Yep.
42:48
So can we conclude on a good night?
42:50
Absolutely. Can we?
42:52
Because I know. I'm gonna interrupt you before
42:53
you do that, Yes. I'm just gonna say this is such
42:56
an important thing. This is you being vulnerable.
42:59
This is you being honest. This is why people follow and
43:02
and and and I don't know, hopefully gain something from
43:04
Edge Radio Australia because this is not filtered, it's not
43:07
cleaned up, it's not edited, it's not sanitized.
43:10
And the world, the important conversations are not sanitized.
43:13
They are ugly. They are real.
43:15
And some of and some of they're beautiful, right?
43:17
Yeah. And look, if if you've been, you
43:19
know, if you've listened to some of the things here today and
43:23
it's really sort of stoked up a few fires in yourself, just know
43:27
that we are all, you know, at that point of suffering.
43:30
We all suffer. None of us are immune to
43:33
suffering. None of us are immune to crisis
43:37
and regardless of what you have been through, you can turn it
43:41
into your power. And it's, it's a bit like the
43:45
story that I didn't make up about the guy who was a a farmer
43:50
and his son fell off a horse and broke his leg and he was meant
43:56
to run a marathon and whatnot. And his neighbor said, oh,
43:59
that's too bad mate, that's really bad luck.
44:01
And, and the father said, I don't know.
44:04
And then the week later war broke out and guess who didn't
44:08
get summoned? So sometimes when you get held
44:12
back, sometimes when crisis happens, in fact, you'll find
44:17
there is always an equivalent seed of something magical on the
44:23
other side. So I'd like to conclude with
44:26
asking our viewers and our listeners, if you could wake up
44:32
tomorrow and be better, what would you feel and what do you
44:42
need to do today to feel that tomorrow?
44:45
Yeah. That's very profound.
44:49
And with that, we will end the show.
44:50
Thank you very much for both of you and thank you Brendan for
44:54
being so unbelievably raw. That's just huge, mate, simple
44:56
as that. You know, knowing you a long
44:59
time teased you for a long time. That's what real mates do.
45:02
But mate, that that's what you said today.
45:05
It was it was just all heartfelt and it was all very real and I
45:08
appreciate that Thank you Terry, for everything you do and and
45:11
thank you for the perspectives that you bring people and the
45:14
and the tools you bring to the party.
45:16
I think that's really. Important knowing that we should
45:17
have probably started with this is to say safe space.
45:20
This is the safe space. Safe space.
45:22
If you're out there and you've gone through anything like
45:25
trauma, this is a safe space and my heart goes out to you.
45:30
I, I spend a lot of time working with people out there that have
45:34
got this kind of trauma. I can't do it on my own.
45:37
I have a spiritual father that looks after that.
45:40
And so that's what. Thank you to spend.
45:42
Some time with with Terry today has been an absolute delight,
45:46
you know, and Aaron as well. Thank.
45:48
You. Thank you, Brandon.
45:49
Thank you so much for being part of the show.
45:51
It is the genius zone here on Edge Radio Australia.
45:54
Edge Radio. A show where we have explored
46:13
through this various topic, along with all the exciting new
46:19
topics that we bring every week to enhance your personal mastery
46:26
of excellence. Now, I'd love you to do me a
46:29
favour. In fact, be part of the Legacy
46:33
1,000,000 that I have in the vision for 2028.
46:39
If you know someone who really would benefit from this
46:44
recording from this episode, please share, share it with
46:50
them. And when you subscribe, you get
46:55
notified every week of our episode as soon as it drops.
47:01
So let's do that legacy thing, let's share, let's care, let's
47:08
enrich, and I look forward to bringing you another week of the
47:14
most enriching content. So until next time, stay
47:18
inspired, stay awesome, and keep on mastering your excellence.