Latest / The HighDive / Ep. 21 | In The Beginning | A Biblical Framework for Relationships

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Ep. 21 | In The Beginning | A Biblical Framework for Relationships · The HighDive

• 0:09
  SPEAKER_00: Hello there, Philip.
• 0:10
  SPEAKER_00: Well, hello.
• 0:11
  SPEAKER_00: How are you, man?
• 0:12
  SPEAKER_00: Man, I'm living the dream.
• 0:13
  SPEAKER_00: How do you I'm great?
• 0:14
  SPEAKER_00: What are you drinking today?
• 0:16
  SPEAKER_01: We are drinking Dr.
• 0:17
  SPEAKER_01: Sam's chai tea.
• 0:20
  SPEAKER_01: Well, you can't say chai tea because that's tea and tea, but his chai.
• 0:24
  SPEAKER_00: His chai, yes.
• 0:25
  SPEAKER_00: Dr.
• 0:25
  SPEAKER_00: Sam, you know, he was on the podcast.
• 0:27
  SPEAKER_00: I think going back to like maybe episode four or five earlier on the podcast, he talked about like the hardest prayer to pray.
• 0:35
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 0:36
  SPEAKER_00: And uh, if you don't know Dr.
• 0:37
  SPEAKER_00: Sam, go back to that podcast, you hear more of his story.
• 0:40
  SPEAKER_00: But he spends most of his time in India.
• 0:43
  SPEAKER_00: But when he's home, he we get chai.
• 0:46
  SPEAKER_00: And he makes it every day, and it's delicious.
• 0:48
  SPEAKER_00: He made a pot last night and uh or yesterday afternoon, and we uh we brought it up to like adults as they were coming into our midweek Bible study classes.
• 1:00
  SPEAKER_00: It was a big hit.
• 1:02
  SPEAKER_01: Did do you know something different about this blend?
• 1:05
  SPEAKER_01: This this brew today?
• 1:07
  SPEAKER_00: It's dil it's a little the spice is a little bit different.
• 1:10
  SPEAKER_00: Okay.
• 1:10
  SPEAKER_00: What is it?
• 1:11
  SPEAKER_00: Is it more peppery?
• 1:12
  SPEAKER_00: He added more milk.
• 1:13
  SPEAKER_00: There you go.
• 1:14
  SPEAKER_00: Well, I'm I'm grateful.
• 1:16
  SPEAKER_00: I wish you could taste it.
• 1:19
  SPEAKER_00: Here's the bigger question, Philip.
• 1:21
  SPEAKER_00: Let's just spontaneously hold each other accountable.
• 1:24
  SPEAKER_00: Oh no.
• 1:25
  SPEAKER_00: Let's look at our phones and look at our screen time.
• 1:29
  SPEAKER_00: Okay.
• 1:30
  SPEAKER_00: Uh you asked uh a minute ago.
• 1:36
  SPEAKER_00: All right, so if you go to settings and you scroll all the way down to screen time, and then it'll pull up kind of a report for you, like um your daily average um those those fun insights.
• 1:54
  SPEAKER_00: And you can click see all app and web activity.
• 1:57
  SPEAKER_01: You see how that actually I don't.
• 2:04
  SPEAKER_00: Okay, so if you go to settings, yeah, okay, and I scroll down to screen time.
• 2:11
  SPEAKER_00: There you go.
• 2:12
  SPEAKER_00: I see this first little report.
• 2:15
  SPEAKER_00: I don't have that because I've never set it up.
• 2:18
  SPEAKER_00: So let me set it up.
• 2:20
  SPEAKER_00: You don't even know your phone is not keeping all right.
• 2:22
  SPEAKER_00: Well, then maybe this will just be confession for me.
• 2:25
  SPEAKER_00: Today, this is crazy, Philip.
• 2:28
  SPEAKER_00: I'm embarrassed.
• 2:30
  SPEAKER_00: Today it says screen time on my there's just no way this is possible.
• 2:36
  SPEAKER_00: It says nine hours and nineteen minutes.
• 2:38
  SPEAKER_00: That's gotta be, that's gotta be for the week.
• 2:42
  SPEAKER_00: This is what it says.
• 2:43
  SPEAKER_00: It says nine hours and nineteen minutes.
• 2:46
  SPEAKER_00: Uh, and I've had 52 minutes on entertainment.
• 2:51
  SPEAKER_00: That's subscribed to YouTube because I went back and watched the most recent episode of our podcast.
• 2:57
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 2:58
  SPEAKER_00: 49 minutes on social media, 22 minutes at cavalega.com.
• 3:04
  SPEAKER_00: I don't know why I was do you have you have no insights, or do you have any?
• 3:09
  SPEAKER_01: So I do.
• 3:10
  SPEAKER_01: Um uh today, four hours and 22 minutes.
• 3:14
  SPEAKER_01: I I don't feel too bad about that, but 45 minutes of entertainment, um, and two hours on social.
• 3:22
  SPEAKER_00: So 16 minutes on Instagram for me, 26 minutes for me, 10 minutes on chat GPT for me today.
• 3:32
  SPEAKER_00: That's research.
• 3:33
  SPEAKER_00: That's not uh this is I've never paid attention to this.
• 3:37
  SPEAKER_00: I've picked up my phone 84 times today.
• 3:41
  SPEAKER_00: Oh 79.
• 3:42
  SPEAKER_01: Wow, and I'm down, I'm below my average, which is nice.
• 3:47
  SPEAKER_00: Uh here's why I'm even bringing this up.
• 3:52
  SPEAKER_00: Um, I mean, these are amazing devices, and they give us this sense that we're connected to people, right?
• 4:02
  SPEAKER_00: And um, you know, if it's a FOMO, like I what what's going on?
• 4:08
  SPEAKER_00: The whole did you ever see, by the way, uh it's the Netflix special, like the social experiment?
• 4:14
  SPEAKER_00: Did you ever watch that?
• 4:14
  SPEAKER_00: Oh, yeah.
• 4:15
  SPEAKER_00: How did that freak you out?
• 4:16
  SPEAKER_00: Terrifying.
• 4:17
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, it's crazy.
• 4:18
  SPEAKER_01: It's terrifying how they're tracking, it's terrifying how they know and they build special algorithms just for you so that you just continue to get that dopamine hill.
• 4:28
  SPEAKER_00: Correct.
• 4:29
  SPEAKER_00: And I'll okay, differing opinions, right?
• 4:32
  SPEAKER_00: But like the tracking me thing, I really don't care.
• 4:35
  SPEAKER_00: Like they know it anyway.
• 4:37
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, you've already got everything, you know, everything.
• 4:39
  SPEAKER_00: I will share my location with anybody.
• 4:41
  SPEAKER_00: I got nothing to hide.
• 4:42
  SPEAKER_00: I don't care about the tracking part.
• 4:44
  SPEAKER_00: That's right.
• 4:44
  SPEAKER_00: But it's the yeah, it is that dopamine, like addictive, they're feeding it.
• 4:49
  SPEAKER_00: Man, it's crazy.
• 4:51
  SPEAKER_00: Um, and so what's fascinating is how I've heard, I don't even know who originated this.
• 4:57
  SPEAKER_00: Like, we're the most connected uh culture ever, but we're the most lonely.
• 5:04
  unknown: Yeah.
• 5:04
  SPEAKER_00: Do you feel that?
• 5:06
  SPEAKER_00: Is I mean, do you think that's accurate?
• 5:08
  SPEAKER_01: Oh, I think every day I feel this, where I'm either scrolling my two hours on Facebook, 30 minutes of Instagram, and I'm seeing all these things happening, but uh in my mind is pseudo.
• 5:19
  SPEAKER_01: Like it's it's real, but it's fake because I'm experiencing something, but I'm experiencing it alone.
• 5:26
  SPEAKER_01: And so as my brain remembers all those things, it's uh yeah, but I'm not I'm not really the one doing those things.
• 5:36
  SPEAKER_00: And so I get it.
• 5:37
  SPEAKER_01: You're connected, but then you're all the only thing that you're really connected to is the phone or the device that you're watching all this stuff happening.
• 5:46
  SPEAKER_00: It's crazy.
• 5:48
  SPEAKER_00: Uh I I bring this up.
• 5:49
  SPEAKER_00: We're not truly our topic today is not really about um phones, but that concept does prop up this idea of loneliness in us, yeah, which is part of what we'll talk about today.
• 6:03
  SPEAKER_00: So um I'm Ricky.
• 6:06
  SPEAKER_00: This is Philip.
• 6:07
  SPEAKER_00: We both serve as pastors here at Calvary, and you are dropping in on the High Dog Podcast.
• 6:13
  SPEAKER_00: This is a minister of Calvary Baptist Church.
• 6:15
  SPEAKER_00: We're really glad you're here.
• 6:17
  SPEAKER_00: Um, hope you're encouraged and blessed by it.
• 6:19
  SPEAKER_00: So I was looking up, speaking of loneliness, May of 2023.
• 6:29
  SPEAKER_00: This is on the backside of COVID.
• 6:32
  SPEAKER_00: The U.S.
• 6:33
  SPEAKER_00: Surgeon General released official an official advisory.
• 6:39
  SPEAKER_00: And you know, typically you're used to the Surgeon General making statements on how cigarettes are cancerous, right?
• 6:46
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 6:46
  SPEAKER_00: Um, but it was the title was our Our Epidemic of Loneliness and Isolation.
• 6:55
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 6:56
  SPEAKER_00: Um the COVID part of that makes sense, right?
• 7:00
  SPEAKER_00: Everybody was quarantined.
• 7:01
  SPEAKER_00: Coming on the back, and this report coming on the back end of that.
• 7:04
  SPEAKER_00: Right.
• 7:04
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 7:05
  SPEAKER_00: Um, so these are I I'm gonna read these because I want to uh get it.
• 7:13
  SPEAKER_00: At least one in two adults reported feeling lonely even after the COVID pandemic.
• 7:25
  SPEAKER_00: The demographic hit the hardest were young adults, specifically aging from ages 15 to 24, experienced the steepest drops in social connection and the highest rates of loneliness.
• 7:44
  SPEAKER_00: Wow.
• 7:45
  SPEAKER_00: Uh, this was crazy.
• 7:48
  SPEAKER_00: As a severe health risk, which explains why the surgeon general would make the report.
• 7:53
  SPEAKER_00: Chronic loneliness puts the body under constant stress and it harms health as much as smoking up to 15 cigarettes a day.
• 8:06
  unknown: Wow.
• 8:08
  SPEAKER_00: That's crazy.
• 8:09
  SPEAKER_00: Wow.
• 8:09
  SPEAKER_00: So it increases the risk of heart disease by 29%, increases the risk of stroke by 32%, and developing dementia in older adults by 50%.
• 8:21
  SPEAKER_00: And all those things are on the rise when you look at the health of America right now.
• 8:25
  SPEAKER_00: Correct.
• 8:26
  SPEAKER_01: That's crazy.
• 8:27
  SPEAKER_00: So um the reason I think that's even relevant is um when we this past Sunday, we were looking in Genesis like two, I think verses like 14 to 20 something.
• 8:42
  SPEAKER_00: Uh two verses, chapter two, verses four through twenty something.
• 8:47
  SPEAKER_00: And so in there's this poignant statement in there where God looks at humanity and says, It's not good for man to be alone.
• 8:57
  SPEAKER_00: That's right.
• 8:58
  SPEAKER_00: So I think that speaks to um God created us in his image by design for relationship, relationship with him, relationship with others.
• 9:10
  SPEAKER_00: And so um I'm grateful that you're here because I I just want to dishonor you.
• 9:17
  SPEAKER_00: I think one thing that you do better than as as well as anybody I've ever known is just demonstrate like faithfulness and loyalty in relationships and being connected to others.
• 9:31
  SPEAKER_00: So, you know, where did that even where do you think that came from in you?
• 9:37
  SPEAKER_00: Or what is it that drives that in you?
• 9:40
  SPEAKER_01: Um understanding we're created in God's image built for relationship first with God and then with others.
• 9:54
  SPEAKER_01: If if the Lord says, if Jesus says that the greatest commandment is to love God and love others, um that's really important.
• 10:02
  SPEAKER_01: We're we need to build a life that's living that out.
• 10:06
  SPEAKER_01: And so I'm very extrovert.
• 10:08
  SPEAKER_01: Um I love talking with people, love connecting, I love hearing stories.
• 10:12
  SPEAKER_01: Um, and I think this is one of the reasons why I love different cultures because when you go to different cultures, like you're not hearing the same stories all the like all the time.
• 10:21
  SPEAKER_01: It's it's always different.
• 10:22
  SPEAKER_01: You're always learning, you're always growing in that way.
• 10:25
  SPEAKER_01: And I think that it's just really important um to be connected, uh, because I think that is a great reflection of the God that we serve.
• 10:36
  SPEAKER_01: Um, and and the Lord tells us that is the way that we are designed to live.
• 10:42
  SPEAKER_01: So let's live that way.
• 10:43
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 10:44
  SPEAKER_00: And I obviously I think that's a theological framework.
• 10:48
  SPEAKER_00: I I didn't prepare you these questions.
• 10:50
  SPEAKER_00: So um I've always admired about like I I knew you in college, man.
• 10:55
  SPEAKER_00: And so you would be like, you'd get off at work at four, yeah, drive to Athens just to have dinner with somebody, yeah.
• 11:05
  SPEAKER_00: Turn around and drive back through the night because you told this other person you're gonna have breakfast with them.
• 11:12
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 11:12
  SPEAKER_00: Like you put your body through some crazy things just to connect with people.
• 11:18
  SPEAKER_00: And so, like, you I think you now can articulate there's a theological thing, but part of me has to wonder that started in you before the theological framework really developed.
• 11:31
  SPEAKER_00: Like, where did that come from?
• 11:33
  SPEAKER_00: I I love people, yeah.
• 11:35
  SPEAKER_01: I I I think I I always want to be a man of my word.
• 11:38
  SPEAKER_01: If I'm gonna say I'm gonna do something, I'm gonna go do it.
• 11:41
  SPEAKER_00: Dad gum it.
• 11:42
  SPEAKER_01: Um, and so I think that that is just a deep conviction of of myself.
• 11:47
  SPEAKER_01: Like, I always want to be a man of my word.
• 11:49
  SPEAKER_01: But relationships are high priority for me.
• 11:54
  SPEAKER_01: Um, my mental health is the healthiest when I can think through all the relationships that I have and answer the question, are we in a good spot?
• 12:04
  SPEAKER_01: If we're in a good spot, I'm in a good spot.
• 12:07
  SPEAKER_01: If we're not in a good spot, okay, how what what are some steps that I can take that I can control?
• 12:14
  SPEAKER_01: Sometimes I can control this, sure.
• 12:16
  SPEAKER_01: Um, to where we can get into a good spot.
• 12:18
  SPEAKER_01: And so in college, my friend group was primarily in Athens and in Atlanta.
• 12:25
  SPEAKER_01: And so if I was hanging out with friends, I I had to go where they were.
• 12:29
  SPEAKER_01: Um, and so that that was kind of the uh catalyst of that of those are just where my friends are physically.
• 12:38
  SPEAKER_01: And phones are great to connect in that way, but there's something different about sitting across the table um and and being able to laugh and joke and and all these things.
• 12:47
  SPEAKER_01: And so yeah, I put my body through through the ringer, so to say, a lot of uh miles on the gas uh on the car, but it was I I wanted to be with my friends, yeah.
• 12:59
  SPEAKER_00: Uh uh, I think it's beautiful.
• 13:02
  SPEAKER_00: Uh I can it may one who's watching this may be able to hear that, respect that, and say, oh yeah, but because you're an extrovert.
• 13:13
  SPEAKER_00: Sure.
• 13:14
  SPEAKER_00: But I'm an introvert, so I get a pass.
• 13:17
  SPEAKER_00: And I and I think it's noteworthy, and it's fair to say, and this is probably true.
• 13:22
  SPEAKER_00: Well, this is definitely true for both of us.
• 13:26
  SPEAKER_00: We're highly relational, we're highly extroverted, we highly value time with people, and we recharge on being with people.
• 13:34
  SPEAKER_00: And and I I understand that everybody's not that way.
• 13:38
  SPEAKER_00: However, everybody is wired for a relationship, right?
• 13:43
  SPEAKER_00: And so everybody, it's not good for man to be alone.
• 13:49
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 13:49
  SPEAKER_00: Uh the surge in general, not purely from a medical standpoint, is validating that.
• 13:56
  SPEAKER_01: Um, and I think it's interesting when when you read that scripture, a lot of people want to jump letting that scripture be about marriage.
• 14:04
  SPEAKER_01: Um, but that's not what this is talking about.
• 14:07
  SPEAKER_01: This is connecting with people.
• 14:10
  SPEAKER_01: And and I think that's a really important thing of, you know, we we love to use that of marriage relationship.
• 14:19
  SPEAKER_01: Um, but it's not it's not good for us to live as though we can do this on our own or that that we're an island and we don't need anyone else.
• 14:30
  SPEAKER_01: Like that, that's a fallacy that I feel like that we we we fall into sometimes.
• 14:36
  SPEAKER_00: And I I 100% agree.
• 14:38
  SPEAKER_00: I think even kind of circling back to where we started from the connectedness of technology, it truly it really is beautiful and it is an asset, but it is a counterfeit as well.
• 14:51
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 14:52
  SPEAKER_00: You know, I can use it as a tool to maintain connections with people, but I can also settle for it to be a counterfeit for real connection.
• 15:02
  SPEAKER_00: That's right.
• 15:02
  SPEAKER_00: Um, because from time to time I've got an eye to eye, you know.
• 15:08
  SPEAKER_00: Um, and I I just think there's even I'm even grateful we're at this very moment creating digital content for you that are receiving it digitally, and it's purposeful and meaningful, but it is not a substitute for real person.
• 15:25
  SPEAKER_00: Um and in fact, uh Justin Early, this is a a book recommendation.
• 15:32
  SPEAKER_00: Justin Early wrote a book called The Common Rule.
• 15:36
  SPEAKER_00: Uh I would say it's in the category of spiritual formation, spiritual discipline book.
• 15:45
  SPEAKER_00: And he's kind of trying to establish a a framework for healthy living and healthy rhythms.
• 15:53
  SPEAKER_00: And one of the principles that he shares in there is make sure at least once a day you share a meal with another person.
• 16:04
  SPEAKER_00: Oh, that's good.
• 16:05
  SPEAKER_00: It is, but you think it's like, well, wouldn't you do that by default?
• 16:10
  SPEAKER_00: Not necessarily.
• 16:13
  SPEAKER_01: I think business schedules, the the doom scrolling, all of that, all of that's inviting.
• 16:20
  SPEAKER_01: Uh and and sometimes, let's be honest, people can be a source of frustration.
• 16:24
  SPEAKER_01: Sure.
• 16:25
  SPEAKER_01: And so you kind of want to escape that, but uh but again, we're wired, we're created, it's a part of our DNA to be with people.
• 16:35
  SPEAKER_01: Right.
• 16:36
  SPEAKER_00: Um and so I I think that's something that we need to fight for.
• 16:40
  SPEAKER_00: I agree.
• 16:40
  SPEAKER_00: I when I even reflect in my own rhythms, like it is um at the pace of my day and the convenience of access to food, I could literally go from one meeting to the next, run through the drive-through and eat in my next meeting, get home after dinner time and be done for the day, and never have really sat down and had a conversation.
• 17:08
  SPEAKER_00: Or I could get home with my family at dinner, and rather than sitting at the table with our phones away, sit around the living room or just sit and still not connecting with people.
• 17:25
  SPEAKER_00: We're in the same room, but we're still alone.
• 17:27
  SPEAKER_00: Right.
• 17:27
  SPEAKER_00: Right.
• 17:28
  SPEAKER_01: And I think that's one of the pitfalls of the phone.
• 17:32
  SPEAKER_01: We could get lost in these things.
• 17:34
  SPEAKER_01: Right.
• 17:34
  SPEAKER_01: To where you could be in the same room, you could be at the same table, but um there's no connection that's happening.
• 17:42
  SPEAKER_00: So I I feel like unintentionally we're dragging back into the cell phone conversation.
• 17:47
  SPEAKER_00: That's not the intention, but I do want to build that word um intention.
• 17:52
  SPEAKER_00: So, you know, at Calvary, one of our core values is intentional relationships.
• 17:58
  SPEAKER_00: So maybe a two, a two-part question.
• 18:00
  SPEAKER_00: One, for you personally, um, what does intentional relationships look like in your life?
• 18:10
  SPEAKER_00: That'd be question one.
• 18:12
  SPEAKER_00: Question two is kind of walk us through a shape or a picture of what that really means theologically and why that matters.
• 18:21
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 18:22
  SPEAKER_01: So personally, um, with relationships being a real big importance in my life, uh, there's a crew of people that I talk with almost every single day.
• 18:34
  SPEAKER_01: Um, and it's not just, you know, texting and phone calls of of that nature, it's hanging out over the weekends, or it's grabbing dinner as uh couples, or um it's it's intentionally uh knowing them and being known.
• 18:49
  SPEAKER_01: And I think those are two things that are really important.
• 18:53
  SPEAKER_01: Um I wanna uh of the crew, I want to know what's going on in their life.
• 18:57
  SPEAKER_01: I want to know what uh to celebrate with them, um, what to pray with them, what burdens are there are they carrying.
• 19:06
  SPEAKER_01: Um I I wanna I want to know them in a way uh that I don't have to ask, how are you doing?
• 19:13
  SPEAKER_01: I I just know because I know the things that are happening in their life.
• 19:17
  SPEAKER_01: Um but in the same way, uh if I am the uh if I only like receive that, but I never share myself in those relationships, um, then then that's not wise or good uh either.
• 19:30
  SPEAKER_01: So it's knowing some, knowing the crew and being known by the crew.
• 19:35
  SPEAKER_01: Um and so we we hang out all the time, we golf uh on a regular basis.
• 19:40
  SPEAKER_01: Uh we do trips together, um, and just be intentional of carving out time within our busy lives, work schedule, everything of that nature to be intentional with one.
• 19:55
  SPEAKER_00: Okay.
• 19:55
  SPEAKER_00: Let me put you on the spot a little bit further because there's tremendous value in you being in this seat today.
• 20:01
  SPEAKER_00: So, okay, I'm I'm imagining myself somebody listen to this.
• 20:06
  SPEAKER_00: I really would love to be intentional with my friends, and I would love to have dinner with them and go play golf.
• 20:14
  SPEAKER_00: Um, and I can do that.
• 20:17
  SPEAKER_00: What you just said though is be intentional in a way so that I know what's going on in their life.
• 20:24
  SPEAKER_00: So I'm gonna ask the question and then give you a little time to think about it as I just validate how I think you do this well.
• 20:33
  SPEAKER_00: Um so the question would be okay, if I'm if I've if I've taken the intentional time and I've scheduled this moment that I'm now with this person for four hours on the golf course or over dinner or in the car, what are what are some real practical questions I could ask or prompts for a conversation to get to gain awareness of where they're where they are, what's going on.
• 21:04
  SPEAKER_00: So while you're thinking, I think uh one of the ways that I observed the Lord has really blessed you is really going all the way back to your SWAT days, right?
• 21:14
  SPEAKER_00: Where, you know, a a college ministry that you work with, that you had those friends, but part of that assignment when you would be working this with this youth group was to have like individual conversations with every kid in your small group over the weekend.
• 21:30
  SPEAKER_00: And so I feel like that that maybe taught you some conversational techniques or some questions to learn or invite somebody to share.
• 21:43
  SPEAKER_00: So maybe you have a little bit of an advantage of an intentional experience or training that somebody watching today says, okay, I I would love to have that level or depth of awareness of what's going on in my friend's life.
• 21:56
  SPEAKER_00: So give us some ideas.
• 21:58
  SPEAKER_00: Like, how can I I do that.
• 22:00
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 22:01
  SPEAKER_01: I it it starts uh learning how to ask really good questions um and listening well.
• 22:11
  SPEAKER_01: I think there's a lot of times that you ask questions and you're trying to figure out how to respond.
• 22:16
  SPEAKER_01: Uh but one of the best questions, well, tell me more.
• 22:22
  SPEAKER_01: So I may ask something as simple, how was your day?
• 22:26
  SPEAKER_01: How is your week?
• 22:27
  SPEAKER_01: Um and they may share and they may go surface level.
• 22:32
  SPEAKER_01: Well, well, tell me more about that, whatever it is that they that they talked about.
• 22:37
  SPEAKER_01: And then you're peeling back that onion.
• 22:41
  SPEAKER_01: Um I'm asking uh open-ended questions to where it's not, it can't necessarily be answered by a yes or a no, but I'm I'm I'm asking questions of how does this make you feel, or you know, where do you see this kind of playing out?
• 22:59
  SPEAKER_01: Like so if there's a uh a work thing, um, and you could tell that it's heavy on their heart or heavy on their mind, um play out some scenarios with that of showing genuine interest in that, uh, and just let them have that floor to take the conversation wherever they wherever they want to go.
• 23:23
  SPEAKER_01: Um and then when given that opportunity, and I've learned this from you, um, asking them for permission to speak into whatever it is, maybe a good thing, maybe uh a hard thing, maybe a challenging thing, or maybe an un unknown thing.
• 23:42
  SPEAKER_01: Right.
• 23:43
  SPEAKER_01: Um, but asking the good questions and and all of my how is your week, man?
• 23:48
  SPEAKER_01: What what's been going, uh, what's been going on?
• 23:51
  SPEAKER_01: When when we do dinners, a lot of times, and this might sound corny, but a lot of times we'll go around the table, what's your high, what's your low?
• 23:58
  SPEAKER_01: Like, what was the best thing that happened this week or to or or over the course of the day?
• 24:03
  SPEAKER_01: And what was the thing that was the worst possible?
• 24:06
  SPEAKER_01: Um, and just in the snapshot, you're able to celebrate a really good thing, but now I have this nugget in the back of my brain, hey, the next time I see them, I need to ask them about this thing.
• 24:20
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 24:20
  SPEAKER_01: Um, and so my memory can fail me a lot.
• 24:24
  SPEAKER_01: So there are a lot of times there's like, oh, you just shared something really important.
• 24:29
  SPEAKER_01: I'm gonna act like I'm texting or looking something up, and I'm making myself a note, uh, and and even a reminder of um, hey, this is important to them, so therefore it's important to me.
• 24:41
  SPEAKER_01: Um and I think that I think that is, if you may say like a secret sauce of connecting with people and being intentional with that, um I I always view of what would I would want other people to do for me.
• 24:57
  SPEAKER_01: And whatever that is, I want to be that for others.
• 25:00
  SPEAKER_01: So if I if if I share something weighty and if I share something that's important, I would want people to remember that.
• 25:07
  SPEAKER_01: And if it's a burden that I'm carrying, carrying, I definitely would want people to ask later on.
• 25:13
  SPEAKER_01: Uh so if I want people to do that for me, then then I need to be a good friend and and do that as well.
• 25:21
  SPEAKER_01: Um, and so I'll make notes within my phone and just uh as I'm praying for folks, though those are the things that I'm looking over.
• 25:30
  SPEAKER_01: Um and then the next time we're on the golf course, next time we're driving, next time we're at dinner, I'm able to, whether group setting or one-on-one, uh kind of bring that up and ask, hey, uh how how is this going?
• 25:43
  SPEAKER_01: Um any new developments?
• 25:46
  SPEAKER_01: And again, you're asking those good questions that cause people to talk.
• 25:53
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, and taking a genuine interest, I heard you say, listening well, and when you listen well and you take a genuine interest, then it's just a matter of following through or following up.
• 26:06
  SPEAKER_00: Um I think I I will I will add to that, I feel like I feel like we both model this for each other well in in out of a desire to be intentional, uh not allowing uh an insufficient response to go by.
• 26:26
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, you know, and it maybe uh if you even did this for me this morning, hey man, how are you?
• 26:31
  SPEAKER_00: I'm okay.
• 26:33
  SPEAKER_00: Well, why are you just okay?
• 26:35
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, you know, uh okay is okay, right.
• 26:38
  SPEAKER_00: Uh okay is okay, but there's yeah, that's not a normal response.
• 26:43
  SPEAKER_00: Right.
• 26:43
  SPEAKER_00: That's right.
• 26:44
  SPEAKER_00: And so knowing people, knowing what's normal, knowing when it's not normal, and then asking a question out of genuine care.
• 26:53
  SPEAKER_00: And that's the beauty of longevity.
• 26:57
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 26:57
  SPEAKER_01: Knowing someone as long as we've known each other and knowing what the defaults are, um, knowing personalities and tendencies and all those things.
• 27:08
  SPEAKER_01: That's that's the beauty of knowing people well.
• 27:11
  SPEAKER_00: That's fair.
• 27:12
  SPEAKER_00: All right, so let's let's go a little bit more um, I don't know, deeper, I guess I would say.
• 27:21
  SPEAKER_00: For us as a church, like intentional relationships is a core value for us.
• 27:28
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, and so that really points back to what we've been talking about.
• 27:31
  SPEAKER_00: Like we are, it's not good for us to be alone.
• 27:34
  SPEAKER_00: We're created in the image of God by design for relationship, a relationship with him, a relationship with others.
• 27:42
  SPEAKER_00: So just kind of walk us through maybe a I would call this a thought map on what that means and what that looks like.
• 27:52
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, so uh I I would use the shape of the triangle.
• 27:56
  SPEAKER_01: And um, I think what's interesting with the triangle, it's the strongest um geometric shape.
• 28:04
  SPEAKER_01: And and and I think that's really important because like folks that understand this concept of our relationships and our connections and stuff, folks that find balance is is going to experience in in my mind a really strong life and a really abundant life that Christ talks about.
• 28:24
  SPEAKER_01: So when you look at the rhythms of Christ, um when he was walking walking the earth, there are kind of three main groups of people that Jesus spent his time with.
• 28:35
  SPEAKER_01: Um, I think arguably you can uh you can say that the the person or the group that Jesus spent the most time with was his father.
• 28:43
  SPEAKER_01: And so um if you have the triangle kind of drawn out on a on a piece of paper, uh that up relationship, relationship with the father uh would kind of be that top point.
• 28:55
  SPEAKER_01: Um all through scriptures you see, and Jesus went to a desolate place and he prayed.
• 29:01
  SPEAKER_01: Um, and and I think that is just so important, and it it even echoes the greatest commandment of loving God.
• 29:09
  SPEAKER_01: And so if your relationship isn't right with Christ, nothing else is really gonna matter.
• 29:15
  SPEAKER_01: Like that's that's the first, that's the priority, that's the thing that we have to um be very intentional with first.
• 29:23
  SPEAKER_01: But then as you also see the the movements of Christ, um there's another group of people that that Jesus spent uh arguably the the second most, and that was with his disciples.
• 29:36
  SPEAKER_01: So if you go to one of the corners, um that that would be the in relationship.
• 29:41
  SPEAKER_01: That would be uh what we would call the the family.
• 29:45
  SPEAKER_01: This this is why we use the words of welcome home and church family, like like drawing you in.
• 29:52
  SPEAKER_01: Right.
• 29:53
  SPEAKER_01: It's not a slogan, it's not catchy, it's not because we're just a church, everyone has always said church family.
• 30:00
  SPEAKER_01: No, we we see each other as brothers and sisters in Christ.
• 30:04
  SPEAKER_01: When you hurt, I hurt.
• 30:06
  SPEAKER_01: Um, when you carry your burden, I am commanded to carry that burden with you.
• 30:12
  SPEAKER_01: It is it is the family unit, it is us um linking arms together uh for support, for protection, for encouragement, that we are living out this Christian walk, um, not alone, because it's not good for us to be alone, but together.
• 30:31
  SPEAKER_01: And and what we have realized uh that doesn't happen by accident.
• 30:37
  SPEAKER_01: That doesn't happen just because you show up every Sunday morning and sing songs together and study the word together.
• 30:45
  SPEAKER_01: Uh it happens by being intentional of doing all those things and asking those good questions and getting in people's lives.
• 30:53
  SPEAKER_01: And this is why life group is so important for us.
• 30:55
  SPEAKER_01: Um, this is why, you know, it is in Life Group where you are known and you know others.
• 31:02
  SPEAKER_01: Um because it's so hard to do that in in the worship center on a Sunday morning with so many people coming in and out of that space.
• 31:11
  SPEAKER_01: Uh, Life Group is such a unique opportunity in smaller groups to where we're able to really be intentional with one another, really live life with one another, um, as well as pursuing Jesus as as we study uh the word of God.
• 31:28
  SPEAKER_01: Um but going back to going back to the shape, um, kind of that that last little point, um, and I I can't say it's my favorite because they're all important and they're all equal.
• 31:41
  SPEAKER_01: But this is my world and I love it, I love it a lot.
• 31:44
  SPEAKER_01: Um, the last group of people that that we see Jesus kind of interact with is the crowds, it's the on-looking world, it's those that um are not part of the family, um, but have an invitation to join the family.
• 32:00
  SPEAKER_01: Uh, and that invitation comes when when we carry hope.
• 32:04
  SPEAKER_01: Um, and and we it's it's the out, it's the service, it's the engagement of our community, it's the engagement of the world through our uh missionary partnerships.
• 32:14
  SPEAKER_01: Um, and it's it's carrying the message of hope that those who are lost can be found um by Christ and be inducted or or are uh grafted into the the family of God.
• 32:31
  SPEAKER_01: And so when you look at kind of how all these categories, all these relationships play out, it's the up, the relationship with our fathers, the in, the relationship with believers, our church, our small group, our family, and it's the out, the onlooking world, and uh we're called to to serve in that way.
• 32:50
  SPEAKER_01: Um, and then I think where we get the abundant life and uh a powerful life is when we are intentional in all three of these sections.
• 33:02
  SPEAKER_01: Um because typically we're gonna be really good at one of them, um, we're gonna be okay at another, and we're gonna struggle with a third.
• 33:12
  SPEAKER_01: Um, and I think it's really important for us um to not let guilt come in uh to this conversation, uh but being aware of it and working to find that balance with the rhythms between these three groups of of people, right?
• 33:32
  SPEAKER_00: Uh I think too, it's it's dangerous to settle for just two of them.
• 33:40
  SPEAKER_00: Right.
• 33:41
  SPEAKER_00: Because it it certainly is a a more full, complete picture of being part of the kingdom of God.
• 33:48
  SPEAKER_00: Um, obviously, when we pursue relationship with him and we pursue relationship with other believers, but if we only do those two things, like I love God and I go to church and we keep it within the walls, you know, then uh it's it's the classic uh country club church.
• 34:05
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, like all you guys do is get together and eat.
• 34:08
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah uh if if I love God and I am serving in the community and I'm doing great things, so I'm doing up and out, but there's no end, there's no local church connection, well then I'm a faith-based nonprofit, right?
• 34:23
  SPEAKER_00: Which are great, and I'm grateful for them and we need them, right?
• 34:26
  SPEAKER_00: But it's not the local church, it is not, it is not the vehicle that God has chosen.
• 34:31
  SPEAKER_00: And I think that, you know, um when we when we read the New Testament, especially in Paul's letters, and a lot of times our English translation, uh, it we just come across the word fellowship, and it's it's actually the Greek word koinanea there.
• 34:48
  SPEAKER_00: And so koinanea, for koinanea fellowship to exist, it is shared relationship with Jesus, strengthening relationships and community with one another so that we can go on mission.
• 35:01
  SPEAKER_00: Right.
• 35:01
  SPEAKER_00: And so it is all three of those things happening, right?
• 35:06
  SPEAKER_00: Not the one that I'm more natural at, right, but working together to spur one another on toward love and good deeds.
• 35:14
  SPEAKER_00: That's right.
• 35:14
  SPEAKER_00: Absolutely.
• 35:15
  SPEAKER_01: Um and I think that so I know my life is out of balance when I've neglected one of those three.
• 35:26
  SPEAKER_01: Um kind of went went back to, you know, part of my mental health and my and my friendships.
• 35:32
  SPEAKER_01: Are we in a good spot?
• 35:34
  SPEAKER_01: That's kind of a question that I ask of being intentional with my end, intentional with my my relationships of if is there friction?
• 35:44
  SPEAKER_01: Is there have I done something to upset?
• 35:47
  SPEAKER_01: And so I I've even um and and people are part of the the crew listening to this made me laugh at this, but um, I have normalized bringing things into the open.
• 36:03
  SPEAKER_01: And so I have no shame in asking, have I done anything to upset you?
• 36:07
  SPEAKER_01: I'm not trying to bring up anything, but I feel something's different, and and I'm gonna give an opportunity to say, yes, you did, and let's work through it, or no, and I'll just chalk that up as my insecurity talking or something or whatever.
• 36:26
  SPEAKER_01: But there may be something that going on in their life that I need to be more aware of and more intentional in that way.
• 36:31
  SPEAKER_01: So kind of normalizing the question of hey, is there anything that I did?
• 36:38
  SPEAKER_01: I'm not saying that I think there is, and and I'm not saying that or demonizing you of like, hey, you're acting different, but I'm just creating that opportunity to clear the air.
• 36:50
  SPEAKER_01: And oftentimes it is uh I I have seen that be a recalibration even within a friendship of oh no, we we are committed to each other, um we do want to do things together.
• 37:07
  SPEAKER_01: Um you know, maybe even takes a little bit more for for a season because life is busy, sure.
• 37:14
  SPEAKER_01: And and you know, there's so many times that we can see something and tell ourselves that uh a story that's just not true.
• 37:20
  SPEAKER_01: And then it's the story that is the thing that's breaking the relationship, not and then that's not even something that's true.
• 37:26
  SPEAKER_01: So sure, um kind of normalizing that and and and being very intentional uh to fight for the relationship.
• 37:34
  SPEAKER_01: I think I think that's very, very important when we talk about intentional relationships.
• 37:40
  SPEAKER_01: It's it's something worth fighting for.
• 37:42
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 37:43
  SPEAKER_00: And I think it it is it's something worth fighting for because when we fight for that, we're moving closer to God's design for us.
• 37:52
  SPEAKER_01: Correct.
• 37:53
  SPEAKER_00: Um, and so I think it's important for us to be reminded from the words of God, it is not good for us to be alone.
• 38:01
  SPEAKER_02: Yep.
• 38:02
  SPEAKER_00: Um, and so pursuing a relationship with Him, pursuing a relationship with others, it's just not optional.
• 38:10
  SPEAKER_00: Right.
• 38:11
  SPEAKER_00: And I think it is again, I'm trying to imagine someone listening, but I'm not as extroverted as you are.
• 38:19
  SPEAKER_00: I'm not saying you got to people as much as I people, right?
• 38:22
  SPEAKER_00: That's not what I'm suggesting.
• 38:25
  SPEAKER_00: Uh, but you need one or two friends who know you and who can speak truth into your life and can encourage you, pray with you, walk with you.
• 38:35
  SPEAKER_00: Uh, you know, one of the things that we find ourselves saying in every one of these episodes, we haven't said it yes, this would be a good time because this is digital content.
• 38:46
  SPEAKER_00: It's possible that you have found this website uh and you're somewhere in another part of the world.
• 38:52
  SPEAKER_00: And I hope you are blessed and encouraged by it.
• 38:56
  SPEAKER_00: If you are not part of a local church where you live, we want to encourage you and would be willing to help you find a local church where you live.
• 39:07
  SPEAKER_00: Um, one that is preaching and teaching scripture, and one that has fostering a culture where you can be known and have relationships with others because it's that critically important to be able to live and walk this out.
• 39:23
  SPEAKER_00: So um maybe we can just rapid fire some ideas then for a person who's just looking for a practical way to respond to it's not good to be alone.
• 39:37
  SPEAKER_00: So I just I just threw one out there of um if you have become accustomed to consuming content only digitally, push for an in-person local church.
• 39:50
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, what are some other things that you would set up?
• 39:54
  SPEAKER_01: Uh most people eat three times a day.
• 39:57
  SPEAKER_01: A meal across the table is an excellent way to start.
• 40:02
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 40:03
  SPEAKER_01: Uh find someone that uh you naturally connect with.
• 40:09
  SPEAKER_01: Um and that's the thing, introverts, extroverts, we all connect.
• 40:14
  SPEAKER_01: That's gonna look vastly different.
• 40:16
  SPEAKER_01: Sure.
• 40:16
  SPEAKER_01: Um, but we all connect.
• 40:18
  SPEAKER_01: And so find the speed, the frequency that that works for you, uh, but start inviting folks to lunch, coffee, um, anything that gets you in front of people.
• 40:32
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, invite them over to your home.
• 40:34
  SPEAKER_01: I mean, I think that uh welcoming uh people to your home needs to be normalized.
• 40:41
  SPEAKER_01: I agree.
• 40:42
  SPEAKER_01: You know, there there is something like when you go to a to me, a home is even better than a restaurant because when you go to the restaurant, it's almost a timed thing.
• 40:50
  SPEAKER_01: Like there's a natural rhythm of when the bill comes and how you all leave.
• 40:54
  SPEAKER_01: And sometimes that could be good.
• 40:55
  SPEAKER_00: Like I'm not that server's trying to push you out the door, they need to turn that table.
• 40:59
  SPEAKER_01: But there's something unique of deeper friendships when you're just sitting on the couch together, uh, or you're sitting by your fire pit, or um, you're watching the football game.
• 41:11
  SPEAKER_01: Like there, there are so many kind of entry-level um e so I'll I'll share this.
• 41:18
  SPEAKER_01: Uh, I am not a card game person.
• 41:22
  SPEAKER_01: You don't like Uno?
• 41:24
  SPEAKER_01: Well, Uno's Uno's fine.
• 41:25
  SPEAKER_01: Okay.
• 41:27
  SPEAKER_01: I I I've been invited tomorrow actually to do this.
• 41:32
  SPEAKER_01: Um, it's called magic the gather, like magic, um, the gathering cards.
• 41:37
  SPEAKER_01: Like, you know, it's I have no idea what you're talking about, but um how to it's a card game of some kind.
• 41:42
  SPEAKER_01: Yes.
• 41:43
  SPEAKER_01: Um, that's not necessarily my forte.
• 41:46
  SPEAKER_01: Um, but it gets me around people.
• 41:48
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 41:48
  SPEAKER_01: And it gets me in people's lives.
• 41:51
  SPEAKER_01: And so for me, it doesn't matter what the thing is, just get in front of people.
• 41:57
  SPEAKER_01: Right.
• 41:57
  SPEAKER_01: Um, and and whatever your hobbies are, whatever the affinity group may be, um, just get in front of people and just ask those really good questions.
• 42:07
  SPEAKER_00: Uh and I would add, and you just said this about inviting somebody over.
• 42:11
  SPEAKER_00: Um, you may be the person that needs to initiate.
• 42:16
  SPEAKER_00: You know, proverbs, a man that has friends must show himself friendly and so initiate the connection.
• 42:23
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 42:23
  SPEAKER_00: Um, it may be like a new relationship being formed.
• 42:28
  SPEAKER_00: Maybe it means there is a a prior relationship that's kind of gone a little cold.
• 42:34
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, that may it may be easier to kind of recon.
• 42:38
  SPEAKER_00: Man, it's been a while since we've hung out.
• 42:40
  SPEAKER_00: Why don't we get together, you know?
• 42:43
  SPEAKER_00: But it may be that you have to initiate that.
• 42:46
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 42:46
  SPEAKER_00: Um, and sometimes that could be hard, sure, but it's worth it.
• 42:50
  SPEAKER_01: 100%.
• 42:51
  SPEAKER_01: Because it's the way that God has designed us to live.
• 42:54
  SPEAKER_00: Absolutely.
• 42:55
  SPEAKER_00: Um, because he is again, he's designed us for a relationship with him and with others.
• 43:02
  SPEAKER_00: Um, the fallen world is always going to try to offer us a counterfeit.
• 43:05
  SPEAKER_00: That counterfeit may be digital as opposed to in-person.
• 43:10
  SPEAKER_00: That counterfeit may be self-sufficiency rather than um walking with others.
• 43:18
  SPEAKER_00: I can do this, I can handle this on my own.
• 43:20
  SPEAKER_00: Well, you're just not good for you to.
• 43:25
  SPEAKER_00: You know, that that's a blind spot more than a virtue, you know.
• 43:30
  SPEAKER_00: Yes.
• 43:31
  SPEAKER_00: Uh, it's not it's not as noble as it sounds to intentionally resist connection with others and try to just grip it and grind it out by yourself.
• 43:40
  SPEAKER_00: Just walk with people.
• 43:44
  SPEAKER_00: So um anything else before we wrap up?
• 43:48
  unknown: Okay.
• 43:49
  SPEAKER_00: I hope this has been an encouragement to you.
• 43:51
  SPEAKER_00: Uh, I hope it spurs you on for cultivating intentional relationships, resisting that isolation, um, and truthfully learning how to live out um relationship with God, relationship with others.
• 44:08
  SPEAKER_00: Um, that is God's design.
• 44:09
  SPEAKER_00: So, again, this is the High Dog Podcast of Calvary Baptist Church.
• 44:13
  SPEAKER_00: Get in touch with us so as we can do anything for you.
• 44:16
  SPEAKER_00: As always, please like, subscribe, subshit, leave a comment, all the stuff, uh, depending on what platform you're listening to, that's beneficial for us.
• 44:26
  SPEAKER_00: It also helps other people find this as a resource.
• 44:29
  SPEAKER_00: So, have a great day and God bless.
• 44:31
  SPEAKER_00: We'll see you next time.
• 44:33
  SPEAKER_00: Bye.
• 44:33
  SPEAKER_00: Bye.