Latest / The Breakfast Club / INTERVIEW: Pastor Michael Todd & Natalie Todd Talk “Relationship Goals,” Therapy & Healing, Druski “Mega Church” skit + more

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INTERVIEW: Pastor Michael Todd & Natalie Todd Talk “Relationship Goals,” Therapy & Healing, Druski “Mega Church” skit + more · The Breakfast Club

• 0:01
  Speaker 1: Every day a week ago.
• 0:03
  Speaker 2: Clicks up the Breakfast Club finish for y'all done.
• 0:06
  Speaker 3: Warning everybody, it's dj n V Jess Hilari is Charlamage
• 0:10
  Speaker 3: the God. We are the Breakfast Club. Lawn La Roses
• 0:12
  Speaker 3: here as well. We got some special guests in the buildings. Indeed,
• 0:16
  Speaker 3: new movie out relationship goals. We have Pastor Michael and
• 0:19
  Speaker 3: Pastor Natalie Todd in the building. Good morning today, Now
• 0:23
  Speaker 3: y'all feeling congratulationship.
• 0:25
  Speaker 1: Man, Hey, thank you man. This is an awesome moment,
• 0:28
  Speaker 1: a crazy moment, a moment that I didn't know was
• 0:32
  Speaker 1: going to happen, but God did, and so h to
• 0:35
  Speaker 1: be here. Last night we went to Toms Square and
• 0:39
  Speaker 1: saw a billboard of relationship goals in like wild in
• 0:44
  Speaker 1: the middle of the street. And matter of fact, the
• 0:47
  Speaker 1: book came out during the pandemic. The first time we
• 0:50
  Speaker 1: did an interview was in twenty twenty when Couldn't Tour,
• 0:54
  Speaker 1: Couldn't Do Nothing. The book came out and went number
• 0:57
  Speaker 1: one New York Times bestseller for thirteen weeks. Gradually and
• 1:00
  Speaker 1: six years later, now it's a movie starring Kelly Rowling.
• 1:05
  Speaker 1: We got one third of Destiny's Children, one ninth of
• 1:09
  Speaker 1: Wu Tang clan and partner with my brother Devon Franklin.
• 1:12
  Speaker 1: So we're just excited to be in this moment right now,
• 1:15
  Speaker 1: relations couple. Yeah, it's so beautiful. Thank you. You said
• 1:19
  Speaker 1: it started as a book.
• 1:20
  Speaker 2: What made this story feel necessary to tell in film
• 1:23
  Speaker 2: form right now?
• 1:24
  Speaker 1: Well, the truth of the matter is started as a
• 1:25
  Speaker 1: sermon series. I was just trying to help people around me. Man.
• 1:29
  Speaker 1: People are dealing with a lot of toxic relationships, a
• 1:33
  Speaker 1: lot of hurt and pain around relationships, a lot of
• 1:35
  Speaker 1: people escaping in relationships that they don't even want to
• 1:39
  Speaker 1: be with those people. But it's a good time for
• 1:40
  Speaker 1: just a moment to get their mind off of what's
• 1:42
  Speaker 1: really going on. And so I was like, man, how
• 1:45
  Speaker 1: can we help? So I just did it as something
• 1:48
  Speaker 1: that relationship.
• 1:48
  Speaker 4: Yeah, what do you think the sermon series started because
• 1:51
  Speaker 4: of our relationship our good friends, was like, you need
• 1:54
  Speaker 4: to do a series about relationships.
• 1:57
  Speaker 1: Because we've been together since we're fifteen years old.
• 1:59
  Speaker 4: We've went through a lot. I mean, if you can
• 2:01
  Speaker 4: imagine being with somebody through their evolution from a fourteen
• 2:04
  Speaker 4: year old boy all the way to a grown man,
• 2:07
  Speaker 4: there's a lot of evolution that happens in there that
• 2:09
  Speaker 4: you have to let go and allow them to grow,
• 2:13
  Speaker 4: myself included. But he did do more wrong than I did. Yeah,
• 2:21
  Speaker 4: he lost his mind when he was fourteen fifty.
• 2:24
  Speaker 1: Fifteen, No, no, no, it was like eighteen nineteen yeah, oh yeah,
• 2:29
  Speaker 1: twenty one.
• 2:32
  Speaker 4: No.
• 2:32
  Speaker 1: I just basically we took a break because I was
• 2:35
  Speaker 1: it was super I mean, when you're fifteen years old,
• 2:37
  Speaker 1: you can't do nothing but be in love. But then
• 2:39
  Speaker 1: ask your mama and then for a ride, so you
• 2:41
  Speaker 1: know what I'm saying. So we're going through the motions,
• 2:43
  Speaker 1: starts getting more serious as I'm graduating high school about
• 2:46
  Speaker 1: to go to college, and she's like, yo, what are
• 2:48
  Speaker 1: we doing?
• 2:49
  Speaker 4: And I was saying, most women mature way faster than men,
• 2:52
  Speaker 4: you know. So we was kind of talking about marriage.
• 2:55
  Speaker 1: And I was like, I don't have a credit score.
• 2:58
  Speaker 1: So I was like, hold on, let's take a pause.
• 3:01
  Speaker 1: And I just wanted to take a break for a second,
• 3:03
  Speaker 1: just to figure out who I was, what I wanted
• 3:05
  Speaker 1: to do all that other stuff. Well, when I took
• 3:07
  Speaker 1: a break, I've seen cheeks and rest and people, and
• 3:12
  Speaker 1: I got distracted. You already What ended up happening was
• 3:18
  Speaker 1: I didn't want to be with any of those people.
• 3:19
  Speaker 1: Don't I wanted to be with her, But I didn't
• 3:21
  Speaker 1: have discipline in my life. I didn't have structure. I
• 3:23
  Speaker 1: didn't have character, I didn't have integrity.
• 3:25
  Speaker 4: We didn't have mentors, we didn't have.
• 3:27
  Speaker 1: Any of that. And so it was like, so both
• 3:29
  Speaker 1: of us got with other people. We hurt each other,
• 3:32
  Speaker 1: we did a whole bunch of stuff, and then we realized, like, yo,
• 3:37
  Speaker 1: I what's to happen.
• 3:38
  Speaker 4: When you break up with someone? And then all of
• 3:40
  Speaker 4: a sudden, the other guy comes in and he's like
• 3:42
  Speaker 4: kind of feeling like those little voids. It caught me
• 3:45
  Speaker 4: in a weak moment, you know, and he was the
• 3:47
  Speaker 4: complete opposite of what Mike, and actually Mike actually.
• 3:59
  Speaker 5: The time in the moment though, it felt like this
• 4:04
  Speaker 5: is what I was waiting for. I just wish he
• 4:06
  Speaker 5: could have done it. And then someone else's they're seeming
• 4:08
  Speaker 5: like a pride, you.
• 4:08
  Speaker 4: Know what I'm saying, and it feels like, Okay, that
• 4:10
  Speaker 4: might be the answer, and they kind of swooping, and
• 4:12
  Speaker 4: I feel like, honestly, if you have a guy that
• 4:15
  Speaker 4: doesn't have the best intentions, they pick up on that
• 4:18
  Speaker 4: like hero kind of thing. In the moment, and you know,
• 4:22
  Speaker 4: I kind of play down the other dude, and I
• 4:24
  Speaker 4: would never blah blah blah.
• 4:25
  Speaker 2: Blah Blahship wasn't a response to just the trauma of
• 4:28
  Speaker 2: you know, not being.
• 4:30
  Speaker 4: Absolutely That's what I mean. Like if you've been a
• 4:33
  Speaker 4: woman and you've had a man cheat on you or
• 4:35
  Speaker 4: leave you or whatever, like, there is definite hurt. There
• 4:39
  Speaker 4: is definite you know, you're you know, comparing yourself and
• 4:42
  Speaker 4: judging yourself on the other girl. If you find out
• 4:45
  Speaker 4: who that is and all those like natural things just
• 4:47
  Speaker 4: being human you feel. So if you get someone else
• 4:50
  Speaker 4: to come in and feeling like they're feeling that void,
• 4:52
  Speaker 4: which is actually not a place for a man to
• 4:53
  Speaker 4: feel at all, it's me. But at the time, you know,
• 4:56
  Speaker 4: I'm young, so and there's no I had We had
• 4:59
  Speaker 4: no buy that was like another adult who had went
• 5:03
  Speaker 4: further in relationships and had a healthy relationship to speak
• 5:06
  Speaker 4: into that with. Yeah, there was no place for me
• 5:09
  Speaker 4: to bounce off the thoughts. So we had to figure
• 5:11
  Speaker 4: all this out on our own. And it was honestly
• 5:14
  Speaker 4: ten years of him putting drops back of trust into
• 5:17
  Speaker 4: the bucket, because you lose it in buckets that trust
• 5:20
  Speaker 4: is gone, but it's built back in drops and that
• 5:23
  Speaker 4: is a hard concept to get when you're twenty something
• 5:26
  Speaker 4: years old or whatever, especially as a man. It's like,
• 5:30
  Speaker 4: you know, you get that a.
• 5:31
  Speaker 1: Lot of people quit, and a lot of people quit.
• 5:33
  Speaker 4: Yeah, you don't need my codes if you trust me,
• 5:36
  Speaker 4: Like you don't need my codes. You don't need like
• 5:38
  Speaker 4: you're insecure.
• 5:39
  Speaker 1: Blah blah Blah's dumb because I messed up and I
• 5:42
  Speaker 1: had to be the person to do the work on
• 5:44
  Speaker 1: the inside of me. And so I had a revelation
• 5:46
  Speaker 1: and God really challenged me to become the man that
• 5:49
  Speaker 1: I wanted my daughters to marry. And that was my
• 5:53
  Speaker 1: wake up call, like it's like, what type of man
• 5:56
  Speaker 1: would you want your daughters to marry? And I tried
• 5:58
  Speaker 1: to become that. We didn't have kids at the time,
• 6:00
  Speaker 1: but I do one day we would. And so I
• 6:02
  Speaker 1: started doing all the things.
• 6:03
  Speaker 4: On his genuine relationship with God, and I actually shut
• 6:08
  Speaker 4: myself in the room and I was like, Lord, I'm
• 6:11
  Speaker 4: not coming out this room until you give me an answer.
• 6:14
  Speaker 4: And this is swear to Jesus. This was I have
• 6:18
  Speaker 4: never experienced this since then to this degree. He literally
• 6:23
  Speaker 4: felt it in my soul, like he's going to change,
• 6:27
  Speaker 4: he's going to honor you, he's going to treat you
• 6:30
  Speaker 4: like a rare jewel. And the crazy thing is, once
• 6:32
  Speaker 4: we got back together years later, he literally said those
• 6:36
  Speaker 4: words to me and I was like, you are this
• 6:38
  Speaker 4: is just wild.
• 6:39
  Speaker 1: So relationship goes is y'all story. So the movie is
• 6:44
  Speaker 1: not our story, but it's got a lot of book
• 6:50
  Speaker 1: So it's a lot of Yeah, it's a lot of
• 6:52
  Speaker 1: things that happened to us in relationship because everybody deals
• 6:55
  Speaker 1: with this in some way or another.
• 6:58
  Speaker 4: Who you are, what language you speak matter.
• 7:00
  Speaker 1: Everybody is meant full love is meant for connection, is
• 7:03
  Speaker 1: meant to be together with somebody and you're trying to
• 7:05
  Speaker 1: find that person. But a lot of people won't do
• 7:07
  Speaker 1: the work that it takes because it doesn't just click
• 7:09
  Speaker 1: in like Legos.
• 7:10
  Speaker 4: And that's what I had to see before I came back,
• 7:13
  Speaker 4: before I entertained anything. I had to see that the
• 7:16
  Speaker 4: work was actually happening, and I had to know. I
• 7:20
  Speaker 4: think the biggest guid was knowing that that work that
• 7:22
  Speaker 4: he was doing, or the changing how he was evolving,
• 7:27
  Speaker 4: wasn't solely because of me. Because I'm human, I'm going
• 7:30
  Speaker 4: to mess up. I'm not going to hit every mark
• 7:32
  Speaker 4: that you know a man would want me to have.
• 7:35
  Speaker 4: And so when I knew that his measuring gauge was
• 7:40
  Speaker 4: higher than me, that gave me a lot of security
• 7:43
  Speaker 4: to know that. Like, at the end of the day,
• 7:46
  Speaker 4: I know I can pray to God and that's gonna
• 7:47
  Speaker 4: switch that whole man up because his heart is actually
• 7:50
  Speaker 4: devoted to him.
• 7:51
  Speaker 3: You know when you say to those individuals, especially those men,
• 7:54
  Speaker 3: you hit us a lot, right, a man a mess
• 7:55
  Speaker 3: up in a relationship, and then after a month for
• 7:58
  Speaker 3: two months, but like, all right, enough, no, you gotta forgive.
• 8:00
  Speaker 3: But that doesn't necessarily mean the woman, It doesn't mean
• 8:03
  Speaker 3: that the trust is given.
• 8:04
  Speaker 1: What do you say to those.
• 8:04
  Speaker 2: Individuals said about the drops, like you lose it in buckets,
• 8:07
  Speaker 2: but you get it back right.
• 8:08
  Speaker 1: And that's the that's the sad reality that you should
• 8:11
  Speaker 1: be thinking about before you mess up. And and most
• 8:15
  Speaker 1: people don't do that. It's like it's just one night,
• 8:18
  Speaker 1: nobody ever find out, and you go off that impulse
• 8:21
  Speaker 1: and your feelings and all that other stuff and you
• 8:22
  Speaker 1: don't realize this one ten minutes is gonna cost you
• 8:25
  Speaker 1: ten years. I'm just saying Bro, there's some people out
• 8:29
  Speaker 1: here and it's ten minutes. Brother, Like, what I'm saying.
• 8:33
  Speaker 4: Is pre up to it. Okay, it ain't the after
• 8:37
  Speaker 4: the actual will act unless you're out here. I don't
• 8:40
  Speaker 4: know what you know.
• 8:41
  Speaker 1: All I'm telling you is all I'm telling you is
• 8:43
  Speaker 1: it can cost a lot more than you're willing to pay.
• 8:47
  Speaker 1: And that's what sin does. It takes you farther than
• 8:49
  Speaker 1: you want to go. It leaves you in a place
• 8:51
  Speaker 1: that you never thought you would be in, and then
• 8:54
  Speaker 1: it leaves you there to try to figure out how
• 8:56
  Speaker 1: to get back. And a lot of times for men
• 8:59
  Speaker 1: are pride gets in the way of staying in the
• 9:02
  Speaker 1: fight for what we know we need, and so what
• 9:05
  Speaker 1: ends up happening is like, man, this is too much. Man,
• 9:07
  Speaker 1: forget this. I'll go find somebody else. No, no, no, no, no,
• 9:10
  Speaker 1: you could keep that, you can do that, and then
• 9:12
  Speaker 1: you spend all this time searching for what you already
• 9:14
  Speaker 1: had but you wouldn't work for. And the thing for
• 9:17
  Speaker 1: me is, I just think that is a new revolution
• 9:21
  Speaker 1: of men that need to come into the fold of
• 9:24
  Speaker 1: taking accountability and actually being ones to be like, yo,
• 9:27
  Speaker 1: I messed this up, and I'll do whatever I need
• 9:29
  Speaker 1: to do to get back to the place, because you
• 9:32
  Speaker 1: cannot go and plant a bad seed here and expect
• 9:35
  Speaker 1: to overhear re good hervest.
• 9:37
  Speaker 4: And as a woman, as a woman, all those natural
• 9:42
  Speaker 4: human emotions that he's talking about, we went through them too.
• 9:46
  Speaker 4: But like I said, I saw the work and I
• 9:48
  Speaker 4: heard what God had told me, and it was he
• 9:50
  Speaker 4: was matching up to that. But as a woman, there
• 9:54
  Speaker 4: is still this like lingering comparison that you can have
• 9:59
  Speaker 4: in the back ground of your mind. And like I
• 10:02
  Speaker 4: figured out, with him, it was like, okay, a man
• 10:04
  Speaker 4: doing his work trying to put those things back in drops.
• 10:06
  Speaker 4: But I had to realize I got to do my
• 10:09
  Speaker 4: work too, meaning that it takes two people. That means
• 10:11
  Speaker 4: I have to let the validation that I feel for
• 10:16
  Speaker 4: my hurt or my anger. I have to if I
• 10:19
  Speaker 4: desire this to really happen, I have to work on
• 10:22
  Speaker 4: trying to trust him, and that takes a lot of
• 10:25
  Speaker 4: your valid anger, your valid emotions to try to control
• 10:29
  Speaker 4: him and really give him to God. Because if he
• 10:31
  Speaker 4: is actually doing the work, that's like I got to
• 10:34
  Speaker 4: try to do my work too, and that is my
• 10:36
  Speaker 4: healing just for my own self. We've counseled a lot
• 10:40
  Speaker 4: of people, people that are married or in whatever relationship
• 10:43
  Speaker 4: you have. Yeah, there is this natural comparison, even when
• 10:48
  Speaker 4: it comes to sex, that you don't feel completely safe
• 10:53
  Speaker 4: to be completely yourself in the most intimate way because
• 10:56
  Speaker 4: you feel like they cheated on me. There was this
• 11:00
  Speaker 4: level of when we got married, it was like it
• 11:03
  Speaker 4: took me years to get to the place to where
• 11:05
  Speaker 4: I felt fully myself, to allow myself to be everything
• 11:10
  Speaker 4: I wanted to be, even in the bedroom. You know
• 11:12
  Speaker 4: what I mean.
• 11:14
  Speaker 5: Did you feel like Natalie, you needed that single season
• 11:18
  Speaker 5: that you had, because that's also a conversation with women too,
• 11:20
  Speaker 5: when you go through the heartbreak, it's like, Okay, now
• 11:22
  Speaker 5: I gotta be in my whole phase. I gotta do
• 11:24
  Speaker 5: that then. But people will say, no, spend time with yourself.
• 11:26
  Speaker 5: And I know you talked about that in your digital
• 11:28
  Speaker 5: series right single but not alone.
• 11:30
  Speaker 4: Do you think that that's needed? I think so. I
• 11:33
  Speaker 4: did not do it perfect, like I said, the guy.
• 11:35
  Speaker 4: The other guy came up in there, so I found
• 11:37
  Speaker 4: that out the hard way. But I will say because
• 11:41
  Speaker 4: of that separation, it put me in a place to
• 11:44
  Speaker 4: where I felt like I got to the point where
• 11:46
  Speaker 4: if this happens where we get back together or we don't,
• 11:49
  Speaker 4: I'm gonna be okay. Like that took a lot of
• 11:53
  Speaker 4: work to get there, and it feels like when that
• 11:55
  Speaker 4: actually happened, like I was willing to let him go.
• 11:58
  Speaker 4: I quit doing like this and I went like this,
• 12:01
  Speaker 4: like God, if this is for you or for me,
• 12:04
  Speaker 4: I'm gonna hold it like this. And I feel like
• 12:05
  Speaker 4: once I actually really did that and was settled in
• 12:08
  Speaker 4: my soul, that's kind of when everything kind of started.
• 12:11
  Speaker 1: Started working working.
• 12:13
  Speaker 4: Took a lot of work after that, though, I mean
• 12:15
  Speaker 4: like years or whatever. But yes, the answer her question.
• 12:19
  Speaker 1: How do you get over that?
• 12:21
  Speaker 6: Though?
• 12:21
  Speaker 1: Like what is it?
• 12:22
  Speaker 6: That's what I was going to ask you when you
• 12:23
  Speaker 6: were talking about you being basically bitter after a man
• 12:27
  Speaker 6: like hurt you, you know what I'm saying. And then
• 12:29
  Speaker 6: he comes back and you want to be with him,
• 12:32
  Speaker 6: but you don't know how to not be angry with him.
• 12:34
  Speaker 6: You don't know how to try to trust him. Like
• 12:37
  Speaker 6: you said, you got to start, you gotta try.
• 12:39
  Speaker 4: How do you get to that point? What is the work?
• 12:42
  Speaker 1: Like?
• 12:43
  Speaker 4: Well, start that, I would say, for one, don't negate
• 12:47
  Speaker 4: that you're the victim in the relationship. So it's kind
• 12:50
  Speaker 4: of like you got to lead this. And so if
• 12:53
  Speaker 4: the man is not leading this because he was the offender,
• 12:57
  Speaker 4: then it's like, okay, well then I'm out there. There's
• 13:00
  Speaker 4: no reason for me to work on not being better.
• 13:02
  Speaker 4: There's no reason for me to to try. But if
• 13:06
  Speaker 4: you see that, that feels like that gives you the
• 13:09
  Speaker 4: assurance and safety to try to let your guards down.
• 13:12
  Speaker 1: So let me be let me jump in right here,
• 13:14
  Speaker 1: like she wasn't convincing me to do nothing.
• 13:16
  Speaker 4: And that's the thing.
• 13:18
  Speaker 1: I was leading the charge to do the work on myself.
• 13:22
  Speaker 1: And if you're not willing to lead as the man
• 13:25
  Speaker 1: of the relationships, the young lady, old lady, middle AISI,
• 13:30
  Speaker 1: your auntie, grandma, get up out of there. Because a
• 13:33
  Speaker 1: man knows what he wants. I don't care what nobody
• 13:36
  Speaker 1: talks about. I don't care about this indecisive culture that's
• 13:39
  Speaker 1: in here, this passive. A man knows what he wants.
• 13:41
  Speaker 1: If you want steak, he gonna get a steak. If
• 13:43
  Speaker 1: he wants chicken, he gonna get chicken. And all these
• 13:46
  Speaker 1: people I don't know. I don't know. When you know
• 13:49
  Speaker 1: what you want, you go after it. And I think
• 13:51
  Speaker 1: that we have. I would say to all my sisters
• 13:54
  Speaker 1: out there, we let a lot of dudes pass because
• 13:57
  Speaker 1: they will not make a decision. And I really believe
• 14:02
  Speaker 1: that it's manipulation in the long run, it's like playing
• 14:05
  Speaker 1: with people. So letting people go and find their freedom
• 14:08
  Speaker 1: and find their healing and find their But I had
• 14:10
  Speaker 1: to lead the charge, and I.
• 14:12
  Speaker 4: Really had to disconnect for him to get to that place. Yeah,
• 14:15
  Speaker 4: I was, I would. He didn't know whether I didn't
• 14:17
  Speaker 4: know whether he was alive or dead. For almost a year.
• 14:20
  Speaker 4: It was like I was. I was out of there,
• 14:24
  Speaker 4: take you out.
• 14:25
  Speaker 1: I found out where she worked. I found out where
• 14:28
  Speaker 1: she worked. I was going. I didn't know where she worked.
• 14:32
  Speaker 1: Then I found out where she worked. Her my older
• 14:34
  Speaker 1: brother worked together. I start wanting to go and chill
• 14:37
  Speaker 1: with my older brother, which I never did before, because
• 14:40
  Speaker 1: that's that's where she worked. She would come, she would
• 14:43
  Speaker 1: come in there, she would act like she.
• 14:44
  Speaker 4: Didn't Will you tell me I was the top employee
• 14:47
  Speaker 4: when he came in. I was the m v P employee.
• 14:50
  Speaker 4: You hear me, I'm scrubbing stuff I don't even got
• 14:53
  Speaker 4: to do. I was like, he is not here. I
• 14:54
  Speaker 4: cannot believe.
• 14:55
  Speaker 1: He's in there. That's that movie. That's in the movie
• 14:58
  Speaker 1: a little bit. But what ended up happening in this
• 15:01
  Speaker 1: journey is it made me understand the value of working
• 15:05
  Speaker 1: for something valuable. She was valuable, and she was worth
• 15:10
  Speaker 1: working for. She was worth me changing for. And as
• 15:13
  Speaker 1: I started going up in my relationship with God and
• 15:16
  Speaker 1: she started going up in her relationship with God, we
• 15:19
  Speaker 1: got closer together. So it's a triangle in relationship and
• 15:22
  Speaker 1: a lot of people have nothing higher than them to
• 15:24
  Speaker 1: pull them to.
• 15:25
  Speaker 4: And that's like the I don't want to say mystical,
• 15:28
  Speaker 4: but when the average person will come and like, wow,
• 15:32
  Speaker 4: there is this intangible part that spiritual, Yes exactly, that's
• 15:37
  Speaker 4: what it is. So that triangle that he just made
• 15:40
  Speaker 4: for everyone to visualize that brings it together. But the
• 15:44
  Speaker 4: moment that it ain't really there, it ain't gonna really
• 15:47
  Speaker 4: line up, it's not really gonna work.
• 15:49
  Speaker 5: What did what did that pass my time? What did
• 15:51
  Speaker 5: that do to your vulnerability? Like having to put to
• 15:55
  Speaker 5: tell between.
• 15:55
  Speaker 1: You that what are you talking about? It made me
• 15:58
  Speaker 1: become a well rounded, emotionally aware man, like you're told
• 16:03
  Speaker 1: as you hey man, forget her, like bros before hoes
• 16:05
  Speaker 1: and and bro, there's tons efficiency and buses. You missed
• 16:09
  Speaker 1: one next, I mean, just think about it. It's in
• 16:13
  Speaker 1: our music, it's in our songs, it's in our it's
• 16:16
  Speaker 1: in the next, it's all the things. So you start
• 16:18
  Speaker 1: thinking like, yo, maybe this is yeah, maybe she wasn't one,
• 16:21
  Speaker 1: and then you start realizing, like hold on, but she
• 16:23
  Speaker 1: was doing for me, Like hold on wait, I mean
• 16:26
  Speaker 1: it may not be for y'all, but this for me
• 16:28
  Speaker 1: and I'm about to let. I'm about to let what's
• 16:30
  Speaker 1: going on? So it made me humble. That's the word
• 16:33
  Speaker 1: I would use.
• 16:34
  Speaker 3: Can somebody now do that? And the reason I asked,
• 16:36
  Speaker 3: right because now listening to your story, right, I remember
• 16:39
  Speaker 3: chasing my wife. I was at her lock every day
• 16:41
  Speaker 3: I went to you know, I was outside her window.
• 16:45
  Speaker 3: I pulled up wherever she was radio, but I pulled
• 16:50
  Speaker 3: everywhere she was when.
• 16:51
  Speaker 1: She was working.
• 16:51
  Speaker 3: It didn't matter because I was like I want that.
• 16:54
  Speaker 3: Today that's considered stalking.
• 16:56
  Speaker 1: Now, you know what I mean. It's considered stalk, especially
• 16:59
  Speaker 1: when you're talk about you out. Don't somebody win that?
• 17:02
  Speaker 1: But honestly, that's that's all facade because there are women
• 17:07
  Speaker 1: who are being pursued by men that love it. They're there.
• 17:11
  Speaker 1: Every woman wants to be pursued. I don't care what
• 17:13
  Speaker 1: nobody says. Now, they might have particular ways.
• 17:15
  Speaker 4: They want to know what your relationship.
• 17:22
  Speaker 1: What I'm saying, but what I'm saying, he's blurring the lines.
• 17:26
  Speaker 1: I don't like that stalking.
• 17:28
  Speaker 3: You know the reason I'm mastering because they broke up.
• 17:30
  Speaker 3: He was never really messing with his big brother. Now
• 17:33
  Speaker 3: he's popping up at work all the time.
• 17:34
  Speaker 1: But I wasn't crazy with that. I'm here to pick up.
• 17:38
  Speaker 1: I'm here to pick up my brother. You know. Yeah,
• 17:44
  Speaker 1: every trying to make a sense, you're hitting the I'm
• 17:47
  Speaker 1: not behind. I'm not doing that at all. But humility
• 17:51
  Speaker 1: is really the key, I think, and knowing what you want,
• 17:55
  Speaker 1: and that's why and even relationship goes like the whole
• 17:58
  Speaker 1: concept is like aim. Like everybody saying shoot your shot,
• 18:01
  Speaker 1: shoot your shot, but you got to shoot it at
• 18:03
  Speaker 1: the goal. Like Steph Curry doesn't pull up from the
• 18:07
  Speaker 1: half court and throw it into the bleachers. He's aiming
• 18:11
  Speaker 1: for a goal. And I think too many people are
• 18:14
  Speaker 1: shooting their shot, but they're not aiming at nothing. And
• 18:17
  Speaker 1: that's why we called it relationship goals, not for something
• 18:20
  Speaker 1: to be comparative. It's for something you and the person
• 18:24
  Speaker 1: that you are with to find a goal that you're
• 18:26
  Speaker 1: going after. And then I believe and Natalie believes, that
• 18:29
  Speaker 1: you can win in relationships.
• 18:30
  Speaker 2: You know the title, right, Like I always thought about
• 18:32
  Speaker 2: that term relationship goals. It can feel aspirational, yeah, but
• 18:35
  Speaker 2: it can also feel intimidated. Yeah, So how do you
• 18:37
  Speaker 2: redefine goals in a way that's healthy and realist?
• 18:41
  Speaker 1: You just said it. You define them? What's the goal
• 18:44
  Speaker 1: of the breakfast club, y'all? Trying to reach as many
• 18:46
  Speaker 1: people as possible and put culture out there and stuff.
• 18:50
  Speaker 1: You've been at other radio stations or other news outlets
• 18:52
  Speaker 1: that that wasn't the goal? Do you under saying? Every
• 18:55
  Speaker 1: place you come into defines its own goals. What's the
• 18:58
  Speaker 1: goal of your family? What's the goal of how much
• 19:00
  Speaker 1: money you make? What's the goal?
• 19:02
  Speaker 4: And so there are in other words, I see like principles. Yeah,
• 19:06
  Speaker 4: Like I knew that he had a lot of the
• 19:09
  Speaker 4: principles that I wanted in whoever I was going to
• 19:12
  Speaker 4: be with for the rest of my life. I saw
• 19:14
  Speaker 4: those things in him. So that's why it was such
• 19:17
  Speaker 4: a struggle. I mean, it went through depression all the things,
• 19:20
  Speaker 4: and I got to the point with asking God when
• 19:22
  Speaker 4: I got like this, I was like, even though this
• 19:24
  Speaker 4: man has all of the principles that I will want,
• 19:27
  Speaker 4: there's something in here that he hasn't handled within himself.
• 19:32
  Speaker 4: I'm like, that's sorry for you, Like you the one
• 19:34
  Speaker 4: that's going to lose out at the end of the day.
• 19:36
  Speaker 4: But seeing that he was willing to do the work
• 19:40
  Speaker 4: those principles, so the goal or whatever. Like he was
• 19:43
  Speaker 4: definitely a family man. He absolutely loves the Lord with
• 19:46
  Speaker 4: all of his heart. He will pray like it's not
• 19:49
  Speaker 4: the one, not that I don't pray, but I'm saying
• 19:51
  Speaker 4: he would actually pray for us, like our in our relationship.
• 19:55
  Speaker 4: He would actually push me towards the goals and dreams
• 19:59
  Speaker 4: and aspirations that I had. I saw him have respect
• 20:02
  Speaker 4: for women that was, you know, different standards of what
• 20:07
  Speaker 4: women could be from like the Hucci Mama woman to grandma.
• 20:10
  Speaker 4: I saw that he had the same type of respect
• 20:13
  Speaker 4: for all. But then finding like yo, jend like what
• 20:16
  Speaker 4: but still immature, still growing. I mean he was young
• 20:19
  Speaker 4: at the same time. But those principles that I wanted
• 20:22
  Speaker 4: or goals, that was something that guided who I wanted.
• 20:26
  Speaker 4: That's why it was so hard for me, where I
• 20:28
  Speaker 4: was like, God, if this ain't it, I'm gonna hold
• 20:30
  Speaker 4: it like this. But Lord, I might be single for
• 20:32
  Speaker 4: the rest of my life, so I may not marry.
• 20:34
  Speaker 2: So what does discernon this book, this film, say the
• 20:38
  Speaker 2: couples who feel like they're failing yah because their relationship
• 20:41
  Speaker 2: doesn't look like what they see online.
• 20:43
  Speaker 1: It is called goals. It gives them hope, like the
• 20:46
  Speaker 1: whole journey of life. And I need everybody to hear
• 20:49
  Speaker 1: me say this. It's about progression, not perfection. And online
• 20:53
  Speaker 1: tries to make perfection the goal, but we have not
• 20:57
  Speaker 1: to make progression go I just want to be better
• 21:01
  Speaker 1: this week than I was last week. And I'm not
• 21:04
  Speaker 1: even talking a lot better. I'm talking just one step,
• 21:07
  Speaker 1: one inch, one moment better. I cussed you out last week.
• 21:11
  Speaker 1: This week, I'm gonna use at least two less words
• 21:15
  Speaker 1: back time.
• 21:16
  Speaker 4: That's what I what I've told him before. I'm like,
• 21:18
  Speaker 4: it's really even in therapy, you know, learning different pathways
• 21:22
  Speaker 4: in your brain and when you get triggered and trauma
• 21:24
  Speaker 4: and trying to learn a different way to respond when
• 21:27
  Speaker 4: you do get triggered. A lot of that is just
• 21:30
  Speaker 4: your bounce back. It's not that that trigger that trauma leaves,
• 21:33
  Speaker 4: it's just how I process it. And even if I
• 21:36
  Speaker 4: do feel my natural trigger response, how quick can I
• 21:40
  Speaker 4: bounce back? And when you start exercising that different pathway,
• 21:44
  Speaker 4: then that's where growth happens. And if you have two
• 21:45
  Speaker 4: people trying to do the same thing, then that's worth
• 21:48
  Speaker 4: staying for, that's worth fighting.
• 21:49
  Speaker 1: How do you gonna handle disagreements now, Jesus talk?
• 21:53
  Speaker 4: Yeah.
• 21:55
  Speaker 1: What I'm saying is because we always have them, Yeah.
• 21:58
  Speaker 4: We want to talk therapy.
• 22:00
  Speaker 1: Yes, we're not perfect. I want to make sure that
• 22:06
  Speaker 1: everybody knows. Yeah. Yeah, because I want to make sure
• 22:09
  Speaker 1: everybody knows we're not perfect. I want to be very
• 22:13
  Speaker 1: clear that this is a real relationship. Absolutely. I want
• 22:15
  Speaker 1: to be very clear that we disagree all the time.
• 22:19
  Speaker 1: And because of that, we have figured out ways to
• 22:23
  Speaker 1: be able to come back to center. And it's the
• 22:26
  Speaker 1: bounce back time where it used to take hours and
• 22:30
  Speaker 1: hours and hours.
• 22:32
  Speaker 4: And it's work and then trying to learn different ways
• 22:35
  Speaker 4: to communicate. One of the things that our therapist told
• 22:38
  Speaker 4: us was, and it it's not perfect yet, is when
• 22:40
  Speaker 4: you do have a discrepancy. Try to not use the
• 22:43
  Speaker 4: word you.
• 22:45
  Speaker 1: That's hard.
• 22:46
  Speaker 4: Whoa I mean, just imagine. Okay, So a lot of
• 22:51
  Speaker 4: times you take ownership for your your own feelings and
• 22:54
  Speaker 4: what that does. That disarms your partner to not automatically
• 22:58
  Speaker 4: feel defensive when you say, when I was at work
• 23:02
  Speaker 4: today and I didn't get the phone call, it made
• 23:07
  Speaker 4: me feel lonely or unwanted. That's made me. That is
• 23:13
  Speaker 4: disarming because if I say, when I was at work
• 23:16
  Speaker 4: and you didn't call me, I felt blah blah blah
• 23:18
  Speaker 4: blah forgot me. And so it allows you to see
• 23:22
  Speaker 4: the other person and go straight to their vulnerability and
• 23:25
  Speaker 4: if they are doing the work and they really do care,
• 23:28
  Speaker 4: that's that's like I don't want you to feel lonely
• 23:31
  Speaker 4: or or alone like that's never my intention. And now
• 23:34
  Speaker 4: we can actually talk to try to rectify or come
• 23:37
  Speaker 4: back together. But it's hard not to use that word you,
• 23:40
  Speaker 4: and it takes sometimes our conversations take a long time
• 23:43
  Speaker 4: because you're trying to talk. And I went to like,
• 23:49
  Speaker 4: you really got to think about how you word stuff.
• 23:52
  Speaker 4: But it really is a technique that really.
• 23:54
  Speaker 1: Does happen, and it's work and That's what I'm saying
• 23:56
  Speaker 1: for everybody that's in relationship. The relationship you desire is
• 24:00
  Speaker 1: the relationship you design, and the relationship you design is
• 24:04
  Speaker 1: the relationship you work at. Period.
• 24:07
  Speaker 3: What do you tell a couple about, you know, cheating?
• 24:09
  Speaker 3: Right earlier today during just Fix My mess a gentleman
• 24:13
  Speaker 3: called and he said a woman called guy. It was
• 24:16
  Speaker 3: a guy that called. It was like it was a girl,
• 24:19
  Speaker 3: but they were both talking about cheating and the whole thing.
• 24:21
  Speaker 3: They were having problems in the relationship. And I guess
• 24:23
  Speaker 3: the guy cheated and the girl cheated. The girl the
• 24:25
  Speaker 3: guy cheated, and the girl wanted to take him back, right,
• 24:27
  Speaker 3: and she was saying that what's wrong with taking somebody back?
• 24:31
  Speaker 3: I think a lot of times we get into this
• 24:32
  Speaker 3: thing and I had if somebody does step out the
• 24:34
  Speaker 3: marriage man and woman, the first thing.
• 24:35
  Speaker 1: Is leave them, leave them, leave them.
• 24:37
  Speaker 3: What are your thoughts on that?
• 24:38
  Speaker 1: Because that's usually the first thing.
• 24:39
  Speaker 3: And like you said, if you didn't give them another opportunity,
• 24:41
  Speaker 3: y'all wouldn't be here. If you didn't take the opportunity
• 24:44
  Speaker 3: to say I want to better myself, you wouldn't be there.
• 24:46
  Speaker 1: So what do you tell those couples and those individuals.
• 24:48
  Speaker 1: So to be clear, I did not cheat on Natalie
• 24:50
  Speaker 1: in our marriage. Okay, so to be very clear, this
• 24:52
  Speaker 1: is before we got married. But it's the same level
• 24:55
  Speaker 1: of entine, correct. So I just want to be very clear.
• 24:58
  Speaker 1: So it's still trust broken, it's still all of that.
• 25:00
  Speaker 1: But if somebody is in that situation right now, the
• 25:03
  Speaker 1: thing is what Natalie has been saying and what I
• 25:06
  Speaker 1: believe fullheartedly is that person actually doing the work. Most
• 25:10
  Speaker 1: people want the cheating to have happened, them to say sorry,
• 25:14
  Speaker 1: them to go to dinner, them to buy a burking bag,
• 25:17
  Speaker 1: and then it be over. And the gift does not
• 25:20
  Speaker 1: repair the chasm you put in that person's heart. And
• 25:24
  Speaker 1: that's where it's gonna take time. And if somebody is
• 25:27
  Speaker 1: not willing to give the time, the effort, the energy
• 25:29
  Speaker 1: to the work, that is taken. And that's what everything
• 25:31
  Speaker 1: else going on, like that's with kids, that is with
• 25:34
  Speaker 1: your business blowing up, that is with all the things.
• 25:37
  Speaker 1: If you're not gonna give that the time it needs
• 25:40
  Speaker 1: to heal. Nobody tells anybody that goes through a cancer
• 25:44
  Speaker 1: treatment hurry up and heal, because you know that what
• 25:50
  Speaker 1: happened your body is trying to restore itself after surgery.
• 25:56
  Speaker 1: But in relationships, we always be like, yo, hurry up,
• 26:00
  Speaker 1: you mean like that?
• 26:01
  Speaker 4: You mean like that, Once a cheater, always a cheater
• 26:03
  Speaker 4: kind of thing mentality.
• 26:04
  Speaker 3: I would say a lot of times people feel like, yeah,
• 26:07
  Speaker 3: I think a lot of people look at relationships like
• 26:09
  Speaker 3: that and how somebody steps out men or woman is like.
• 26:14
  Speaker 4: I think my.
• 26:14
  Speaker 5: Outside opinion is too, especially like when you married, like
• 26:17
  Speaker 5: once you get to that married point, or if your
• 26:19
  Speaker 5: family just has like a certain view of the person
• 26:22
  Speaker 5: you're with, once they find out something, they hold onto
• 26:24
  Speaker 5: it right, and you have to deal with the embarrassment
• 26:26
  Speaker 5: of them having conversations about it looking at you like girl,
• 26:29
  Speaker 5: but they doing the same thing, or they doing nothing
• 26:31
  Speaker 5: at all because they't not nobody.
• 26:33
  Speaker 4: But that's hard to deal with. Sometimes that's a real life.
• 26:37
  Speaker 4: And then I always go back to like, whatever your
• 26:41
  Speaker 4: opinion is, like, my real life is great, Like my
• 26:45
  Speaker 4: real relationship outside of all public opinion, Like I am
• 26:50
  Speaker 4: a introvert to the core. Don't seem like it right now,
• 26:53
  Speaker 4: but I love me, my bed, I love my TV
• 26:56
  Speaker 4: show and my food in the bed. So anyway, our
• 26:59
  Speaker 4: real relationship it it's great, But I would say patterns
• 27:04
  Speaker 4: is the thing from public opinion, judge whoever you're with
• 27:08
  Speaker 4: by their patterns. Okay, so they cheated, but from here
• 27:12
  Speaker 4: on out is the pattern repeating itself or is it starting?
• 27:15
  Speaker 4: You're starting to see changes now, don't be don't be
• 27:18
  Speaker 4: naive now if they say they cheated, but you see,
• 27:21
  Speaker 4: all the patterns are the same. There's no no putting
• 27:24
  Speaker 4: you above all the others. So you got he got
• 27:28
  Speaker 4: whack friends that are just encouraging the cheating mentality if
• 27:31
  Speaker 4: he's not, if he's hanging with them just as much
• 27:34
  Speaker 4: as he was before. It's like, is that feeding our relationship?
• 27:39
  Speaker 4: And are you even wise enough to see that? And
• 27:42
  Speaker 4: are you willing to let that go?
• 27:43
  Speaker 1: Like so has to say the B word boundaries? Yeah. Yeah.
• 27:48
  Speaker 3: You also mentioned earlier about you know, phone CODs and
• 27:52
  Speaker 3: being together. What's your thoughts are that because a lot
• 27:53
  Speaker 3: of times in certain relationships, a man to have.
• 27:56
  Speaker 1: His phone, don't go on my phone, a woman to
• 27:58
  Speaker 1: have his phone?
• 27:58
  Speaker 4: Crazy?
• 27:59
  Speaker 3: What are your thoughts on that?
• 28:00
  Speaker 4: Wackedy whack?
• 28:01
  Speaker 1: I mean what she get opened my phone right now? Ye,
• 28:06
  Speaker 1: get opened my phone right now?
• 28:07
  Speaker 4: Now that that took work. Now we're not gonna say
• 28:10
  Speaker 4: that was perfect because that was part of the issue
• 28:12
  Speaker 4: when we try to get back together, and it took
• 28:14
  Speaker 4: years for us to figure all this stuff out. But
• 28:17
  Speaker 4: it was like the phone, y'all know that phone be
• 28:20
  Speaker 4: up here and the ring and they be like take
• 28:23
  Speaker 4: off or whatever, like you already know, Like.
• 28:25
  Speaker 1: What can I tell somebody that's listening to this. The
• 28:28
  Speaker 1: greatest freedom you will ever have is when you have
• 28:30
  Speaker 1: when you have no reason to love the piece cannot
• 28:34
  Speaker 1: help but tell everybody when you don't have anything to hide,
• 28:38
  Speaker 1: when you can actually like if you get a call
• 28:41
  Speaker 1: from somebody that suspect and be like for real, like
• 28:43
  Speaker 1: I have no idea what like grab that, like y'all
• 28:48
  Speaker 1: the weight of trying to keep up the stories and
• 28:51
  Speaker 1: black screens, no anxiety, or we can I can lose
• 28:56
  Speaker 1: my phone and not y'all and.
• 29:00
  Speaker 4: With all of our staff are people, don't people.
• 29:03
  Speaker 1: That know my code, like the people that are around me.
• 29:06
  Speaker 1: Because I decided when I came out of hiding, which
• 29:09
  Speaker 1: was really came out of lying, I decided that the
• 29:12
  Speaker 1: only way that I can stay free is to live
• 29:14
  Speaker 1: a life fully vulnerable of accountability. And so the people
• 29:17
  Speaker 1: that are around me they got access to everything, they
• 29:20
  Speaker 1: can ruin me, because the truth of the matter is,
• 29:22
  Speaker 1: I'd rather be ruined financially or in a way like that,
• 29:26
  Speaker 1: then my integrity be ruined.
• 29:27
  Speaker 2: The imagine how did y'all how do y'all balance faith
• 29:31
  Speaker 2: based values with just the real messiness of modern relationships? Eve,
• 29:35
  Speaker 2: When you talk about something like cheating, you hear things like,
• 29:37
  Speaker 2: oh the flesh is weak.
• 29:38
  Speaker 1: Or you have to forgive all the time.
• 29:39
  Speaker 2: So how do you know, balance the faith based values
• 29:42
  Speaker 2: with just the messiness of.
• 29:43
  Speaker 1: I mean, that's what That's what Jesus came to show
• 29:46
  Speaker 1: all of us how to do how you could be
• 29:47
  Speaker 1: in the world, but not of it, like how you
• 29:50
  Speaker 1: can Actually.
• 29:51
  Speaker 4: That's why I said our real life, Our real life
• 29:54
  Speaker 4: is steady, solid routines, consistent, loving, real good like friendships. Now, also,
• 30:04
  Speaker 4: we do live in Tulsa, so there's nothing.
• 30:08
  Speaker 1: But it's intentional. And some people need to make their
• 30:10
  Speaker 1: lives simpler so they can live fuller.
• 30:12
  Speaker 4: And that's a bunch of boundaries, that's all that is,
• 30:15
  Speaker 4: Like what what do you allow in and what do
• 30:18
  Speaker 4: you not purpose? You don't know if somebody what somebody's doing.
• 30:26
  Speaker 1: Okay, okay, I'm just what I'm saying to you.
• 30:29
  Speaker 4: Is people next book.
• 30:30
  Speaker 1: People are everywhere. Okay. The truth of the matter is
• 30:34
  Speaker 1: the life that we set up is one of accountability.
• 30:37
  Speaker 1: Like and that's what people don't understand. The discipline version
• 30:41
  Speaker 1: of you is the best version of you. You have
• 30:43
  Speaker 1: never been your best version if you're not disciplined. And
• 30:47
  Speaker 1: most people don't live discipline lives. And I'm not just
• 30:50
  Speaker 1: talking about working out. I'm talking about what you say
• 30:52
  Speaker 1: yes to, what you say no to. I do, Charlemagne
• 30:56
  Speaker 1: one fifteenth of the things that I could do to
• 30:58
  Speaker 1: be in culture and do, I don't go nowhere. I'd
• 31:02
  Speaker 1: be at the house. I'd take my kids to school
• 31:05
  Speaker 1: every morning and because God get them at this wife,
• 31:08
  Speaker 1: it was like, what's gonna be more valuable money in
• 31:12
  Speaker 1: the bank. And people giving me likes and follows are
• 31:14
  Speaker 1: my three daughters and my one special needs son. Being
• 31:17
  Speaker 1: like my daddy was there and he helped actually raise us.
• 31:21
  Speaker 1: We have inside jokes like he he loves doing this
• 31:25
  Speaker 1: with like you and I had a great dat shout
• 31:30
  Speaker 1: out to my dad and my mom. They are phenomenal. Brenda, Tommy,
• 31:33
  Speaker 1: I love you so much. But like I got five brothers,
• 31:35
  Speaker 1: my dad was there for everything, gift giving, all that stuff.
• 31:40
  Speaker 1: So I saw what it looked like.
• 31:41
  Speaker 4: He's like one of those men that's everybody studo dad.
• 31:44
  Speaker 1: Yeah, he's like that. That's that's my pops. And like
• 31:46
  Speaker 1: when I saw that, I was like, I could never
• 31:49
  Speaker 1: not be that. And so again, success to me, the
• 31:53
  Speaker 1: goal for us looks different than it looks for other people.
• 31:56
  Speaker 1: We've defined success as peace and not needing any So.
• 32:00
  Speaker 3: What did you think about I know you've probably seen
• 32:01
  Speaker 3: it online when Cam Newton had the conversation about he
• 32:04
  Speaker 3: couldn't be friends with an attractive woman platonically boundaries, congratulations if.
• 32:11
  Speaker 4: That's what he feels.
• 32:11
  Speaker 1: No, no, no, no no, he's saying that he couldn't because
• 32:14
  Speaker 1: something might happen. Is that what you say?
• 32:17
  Speaker 6: He said he don't have no platonic relationships?
• 32:20
  Speaker 1: Yeah, well that's what I'm saying. Congratula.
• 32:23
  Speaker 3: But it's like congratulations boundaries or is that it doesn't
• 32:26
  Speaker 3: work on himself either?
• 32:27
  Speaker 4: Either way, you got to start somewhere.
• 32:28
  Speaker 1: He knows himself.
• 32:29
  Speaker 6: I'm saying, I know me, I can't be around a
• 32:31
  Speaker 6: beautiful woman personal stabbing her, you know.
• 32:38
  Speaker 1: Yeah, And that's your I would say because I'm around
• 32:42
  Speaker 1: beautiful woman all the time and that does not even
• 32:45
  Speaker 1: cross my mind. And you can ask all of them.
• 32:48
  Speaker 1: So I think that at that's the level, if that's
• 32:51
  Speaker 1: the start, But if that's his standard, I'm okay with that.
• 32:54
  Speaker 1: That's protection for him. Do what you gotta do. But but.
• 32:59
  Speaker 6: Him no to say, like, yeah, I got a problem,
• 33:01
  Speaker 6: but how do you fix that? Because you just can't
• 33:03
  Speaker 6: just you're gonna be wrong other people all the time.
• 33:05
  Speaker 2: You can't pick.
• 33:07
  Speaker 1: Just as little hurt because just as a friend and justice.
• 33:10
  Speaker 1: Oh yeah, yeah.
• 33:12
  Speaker 4: He said he I told that guy he don't.
• 33:14
  Speaker 6: Have one homegirl, no pretty homegirls, no nothing.
• 33:22
  Speaker 1: You know. Yeah, at the end of the day, I
• 33:26
  Speaker 1: think that what you're saying is really y'all are crazy
• 33:30
  Speaker 1: up here. What you're saying is actually something that people
• 33:34
  Speaker 1: have to take accountability for in their own selves. If
• 33:37
  Speaker 1: he knows that he has an issue with being controlled
• 33:45
  Speaker 1: around beautiful women, I think it's good for him to
• 33:48
  Speaker 1: be self aware also. And also, and I think that's
• 33:53
  Speaker 1: a starting point, not an ending point, because at some
• 33:56
  Speaker 1: point you're gonna have to mature, and not just him.
• 33:59
  Speaker 1: I had to, so I'm talking about me right now.
• 34:01
  Speaker 1: I had to mature to the point where this is
• 34:04
  Speaker 1: not somebody that I'm supposed to connect with. There may
• 34:07
  Speaker 1: be another relationship that God wants me to have with
• 34:10
  Speaker 1: this person to help them, to bring them into some
• 34:13
  Speaker 1: type of new understanding. And that's where I'm just saying, like,
• 34:17
  Speaker 1: you limit what God wants to do in relationships, because
• 34:19
  Speaker 1: I do believe relationships are key fabric to your purpose destiny.
• 34:24
  Speaker 1: I mean, think about y'all being connected, how everybody's relationship
• 34:27
  Speaker 1: and here took everybody to another level. If y'all couldn't
• 34:30
  Speaker 1: even stand around each other without thinking like, my wife
• 34:33
  Speaker 1: is not gonna like this, my husband's not gonna like
• 34:35
  Speaker 1: you couldn't even work together, that would be ridiculous. So
• 34:38
  Speaker 1: it does take work, and I just believe all of
• 34:40
  Speaker 1: us got to do our work. But shout out to
• 34:41
  Speaker 1: Cam for knowing himself because a lot of dudes won't
• 34:44
  Speaker 1: even admit that a lot of dudes will act like y'all, Nah,
• 34:47
  Speaker 1: I'm good around everybody. And then sliding into a room
• 34:50
  Speaker 1: at four.
• 34:50
  Speaker 4: Qurtly not the ending point because if he does desire
• 34:53
  Speaker 4: I don't know if he isn't one a relationship, but
• 34:55
  Speaker 4: if he does desire to be in a relationship at
• 34:57
  Speaker 4: some point that woman wants to know, okay women or
• 35:01
  Speaker 4: women that woman not just her, but women in general
• 35:05
  Speaker 4: do want safety. So at the end of the day,
• 35:08
  Speaker 4: I can feel that it don't matter who's coming in
• 35:11
  Speaker 4: the room, like you cherish me most, you know, and
• 35:15
  Speaker 4: I think that's with our relationship. That standard being God's
• 35:19
  Speaker 4: word put it above even me. And so that is
• 35:23
  Speaker 4: where like, not only does my husband not want to
• 35:26
  Speaker 4: disappoint or disrespect me, he doesn't want to disappoint or
• 35:30
  Speaker 4: disrespect God. So that level of measurement is what brings
• 35:36
  Speaker 4: peace and safety.
• 35:37
  Speaker 1: You use a great word of safety.
• 35:39
  Speaker 2: Because even with that, even with Cam putting that out there,
• 35:42
  Speaker 2: now when other women are around him, are they always
• 35:46
  Speaker 2: going to be thinking he might just.
• 35:47
  Speaker 1: Try to.
• 35:52
  Speaker 4: Limits all your limits?
• 35:53
  Speaker 1: A lot of opportunities.
• 35:54
  Speaker 4: What the movie made me.
• 35:57
  Speaker 1: Much opportunity.
• 35:59
  Speaker 4: It could limit opportunities because like what you just said,
• 36:02
  Speaker 4: like a woman can feel like, you know, am I
• 36:04
  Speaker 4: in here? Am I forming this relationship? Say it's business
• 36:08
  Speaker 4: related based upon how I just look, And is it
• 36:12
  Speaker 4: you try to do something more or is it actually
• 36:15
  Speaker 4: like my gifting my talent, my talent or whatever? And
• 36:18
  Speaker 4: also limits the marriage or relationship that you're actually in.
• 36:22
  Speaker 4: It limits how far that can go because of safety
• 36:26
  Speaker 4: always being a possibility of being breached.
• 36:30
  Speaker 5: I was just gonna say, well, so because of that
• 36:31
  Speaker 5: right off to the point you just said, where do
• 36:34
  Speaker 5: as women or as people, what are our boundaries? Because
• 36:37
  Speaker 5: it's like, you want to have the empathy of like, Okay,
• 36:39
  Speaker 5: he's a man, he's learning, And especially as women, I
• 36:41
  Speaker 5: feel like we get called out for not having empathy
• 36:43
  Speaker 5: in the accountability factor, right, especially with men in relationships.
• 36:46
  Speaker 5: But at the same time, it's like, how when when
• 36:49
  Speaker 5: you're gonna wake up? Like, so, what's that balance of
• 36:52
  Speaker 5: like when you're gonna get this together? But I hear
• 36:55
  Speaker 5: you and I know you're human.
• 36:56
  Speaker 1: So let me let me jump in. In this book Relationship,
• 37:01
  Speaker 1: there's a chapter called does It Need to End? About
• 37:03
  Speaker 1: to say because a lot of people won't even ask
• 37:06
  Speaker 1: themselves that question. They Natalie told you our story and
• 37:10
  Speaker 1: she got to the point she was like, does this
• 37:12
  Speaker 1: need to end?
• 37:13
  Speaker 4: God, that point it's hard to get to with a
• 37:17
  Speaker 4: humble heart. That is actually honest. It's not you giving up,
• 37:21
  Speaker 4: it's not you being naive. It is literally like I've
• 37:24
  Speaker 4: reached as far as I can go. And so now
• 37:28
  Speaker 4: the intangible either needs to happen or it's just settled
• 37:32
  Speaker 4: in my soul that I'm out. This isn't this isn't enough,
• 37:35
  Speaker 4: this isn't what my principles are. And again, yeah, and
• 37:40
  Speaker 4: again it's the patterns. So yeah, I mean your girlfriend
• 37:44
  Speaker 4: may be like boo, like the patterns. He's not changing,
• 37:48
  Speaker 4: like and you see it yourself, but you're kind of
• 37:50
  Speaker 4: trying to excuse it, like if that's happening, then it
• 37:53
  Speaker 4: is like all right, it really is doesn't need to end?
• 37:56
  Speaker 1: And I think for us in this there's a character
• 37:59
  Speaker 1: in the movie named Brenda, played by Robin thet and
• 38:01
  Speaker 1: she's literally I mean she's the best, Robin is the best.
• 38:05
  Speaker 1: But she's in the relationship everybody wants to be in.
• 38:08
  Speaker 1: She's married to a basket or not married. She's with
• 38:11
  Speaker 1: a basketball player. She's in this situation and she's like, Yo,
• 38:15
  Speaker 1: this is not going anywhere. I have everything, but you
• 38:18
  Speaker 1: don't really want me. And she had to ask herself
• 38:21
  Speaker 1: in the movie, does this need to end? And I
• 38:23
  Speaker 1: think there are a lot of women and men listening
• 38:26
  Speaker 1: because I don't want this just to be women. There
• 38:29
  Speaker 1: are women out here tricking too, And I want to
• 38:31
  Speaker 1: be very clear that in twenty twenty six, there's some
• 38:34
  Speaker 1: other stuff going on, and like I just the dating
• 38:38
  Speaker 1: pool has pe in it. This is what I heard,
• 38:40
  Speaker 1: and so women, man, I'm so glad. But what I'm
• 38:44
  Speaker 1: saying is there is a way to navigate it. And
• 38:45
  Speaker 1: that's why in this book, I'm giving principles no matter
• 38:48
  Speaker 1: where you're at in your relationship. And that's why the
• 38:50
  Speaker 1: hope for me was that this movie would be a
• 38:53
  Speaker 1: wider net to cast out to people who would never
• 38:56
  Speaker 1: come to my church. You don't got to come to
• 38:58
  Speaker 1: my church, like I'm saying it right now. You ever
• 39:00
  Speaker 1: got to come to my church. You ain't got it.
• 39:01
  Speaker 1: But I do want you to win in relationships. And
• 39:03
  Speaker 1: so like hopefully you'll see this movie. If you if
• 39:06
  Speaker 1: the message is a mirror to you at all, go
• 39:08
  Speaker 1: get the book, like borrow from somebody. If you can't
• 39:10
  Speaker 1: buy it, like go down somebody done bootlegged it on YouTube.
• 39:13
  Speaker 1: Just go watch that. Like honestly, this is not about anything,
• 39:17
  Speaker 1: but I want you to win in relationships. And it's
• 39:19
  Speaker 1: very hard to be what you can't see. And me
• 39:21
  Speaker 1: and Nat wanted to just use what we've been through,
• 39:24
  Speaker 1: not perfect, put it in a book, be vulnerable, and
• 39:27
  Speaker 1: hopefully somebody can move into the next layer of their
• 39:30
  Speaker 1: relationships so they can win, become okay with their singleness,
• 39:34
  Speaker 1: actually get out of a toxic or abusive relationship. Like
• 39:38
  Speaker 1: I just hope nobody's in the same place relationally that
• 39:41
  Speaker 1: they were this year.
• 39:42
  Speaker 2: Next year, Did they working on the book or the
• 39:44
  Speaker 2: film or the sermon spark any new conversations or arguments
• 39:47
  Speaker 2: between the two.
• 39:48
  Speaker 1: It completely We went to therapy, like we believe in
• 39:52
  Speaker 1: therapy and theology, like like nobody's business. A lot of
• 39:56
  Speaker 1: people in church they be like, let's just pray about it,
• 39:58
  Speaker 1: and it's like, we can't just pray about it. We
• 40:00
  Speaker 1: got to talk about it to you, like we've got
• 40:03
  Speaker 1: to talk about that. So me and Natalie since two
• 40:05
  Speaker 1: thousand and probably twenty one have been doing five day
• 40:11
  Speaker 1: intensive counseling in Colorado. Shout out to Julianne for two
• 40:17
  Speaker 1: three times a year.
• 40:18
  Speaker 4: Yeah, it starts with you working on yourself. I would
• 40:21
  Speaker 4: say the catalyst that got us to intensive therapy was
• 40:25
  Speaker 4: when our son got diagnosed with autism. I went into
• 40:28
  Speaker 4: a deep depression and still struggle with it. Now. You know,
• 40:32
  Speaker 4: it's like it's an everyday death basically when you see
• 40:36
  Speaker 4: his siblings passing over him and all that stuff. So anyway,
• 40:41
  Speaker 4: our good friends was like, Hey, there's this place, and
• 40:43
  Speaker 4: I think y'all both need to go because what will
• 40:46
  Speaker 4: come against marriages more than anything is medicine and ministry
• 40:51
  Speaker 4: are one of the hardest jobs to be in because
• 40:54
  Speaker 4: they are for others and it can feel like twenty
• 40:58
  Speaker 4: four to seven depending on where you're boundaries are. And
• 41:01
  Speaker 4: then having a special needs child is really hard on
• 41:04
  Speaker 4: marriages too. A lot of divorce rates are very high
• 41:06
  Speaker 4: for those three things, and we got two out of
• 41:09
  Speaker 4: the three, and so our friends was like, Hey, I
• 41:12
  Speaker 4: think y'all need to go.
• 41:13
  Speaker 1: To This is us being pastors, this is us reaching
• 41:17
  Speaker 1: millions of people. And they're like, hey, y'all need counselors. Yeah,
• 41:22
  Speaker 1: And I thank God for the relationship goals of good friends,
• 41:26
  Speaker 1: because some people are looking for romantic relationships and the
• 41:29
  Speaker 1: real goals you need is good friends. Yeah, because that's
• 41:32
  Speaker 1: who you're talking to, that's who you're getting advice from,
• 41:35
  Speaker 1: that's who you go to when you're about to pop off.
• 41:37
  Speaker 1: And we had good friends and they told us to
• 41:39
  Speaker 1: go to counsel, and so much.
• 41:40
  Speaker 4: Of that therapy will start to go by yourself, you know,
• 41:44
  Speaker 4: will teach you about who you are, what's your traumas,
• 41:47
  Speaker 4: what your triggers are. Because it took two years for
• 41:49
  Speaker 4: me to figure out that, Oh I got some stuff.
• 41:52
  Speaker 1: I was so anti.
• 41:55
  Speaker 4: I was so anti. I was like, I don't even
• 41:57
  Speaker 4: know what I'm gonna say, I'm gonna go and there
• 41:58
  Speaker 4: I'm like, what I'm gonna say or whatever, and that
• 42:00
  Speaker 4: woman told me. But anyway, she broke it down and
• 42:03
  Speaker 4: we learned a lot of things and still are learning
• 42:05
  Speaker 4: a lot of things. But to answer your question, with
• 42:07
  Speaker 4: the book and the movie coming out, one thing I
• 42:09
  Speaker 4: think the biggest thing that brought up between us is
• 42:12
  Speaker 4: how do we want to go about stepping into this realm,
• 42:18
  Speaker 4: this world, and how do we want what boundaries are
• 42:20
  Speaker 4: we going to create of how this can affect and
• 42:23
  Speaker 4: not affect our lives, our actual real lives.
• 42:26
  Speaker 6: Why did you go back and going back to you know,
• 42:28
  Speaker 6: you said you fell into a deep depression when your
• 42:31
  Speaker 6: son was when you all was first diagnosed with autism.
• 42:35
  Speaker 6: Why do you think it was such a depression. Do
• 42:37
  Speaker 6: you feel like in some way like you blame yourself
• 42:39
  Speaker 6: or soil.
• 42:41
  Speaker 4: Yeah, yeah, yeah, this is the therapy part. So what
• 42:45
  Speaker 4: I found out is that through my traumas, I grew
• 42:47
  Speaker 4: up in a single parent home and a lot of
• 42:51
  Speaker 4: times in family structure, you find out from your childhood
• 42:53
  Speaker 4: what role you played in your family story per se,
• 42:58
  Speaker 4: and I took on the peacemaker. I took on the
• 43:02
  Speaker 4: role of put everybody else first and make my needs
• 43:07
  Speaker 4: small so that I'm good, you know, like mom's struggling
• 43:10
  Speaker 4: with money where you know, I was always aware of
• 43:13
  Speaker 4: finances when I was little. I got my first pair
• 43:15
  Speaker 4: of like Nike tennis shoes from a store when I
• 43:18
  Speaker 4: was thirteen years old, So I was aware of everything,
• 43:21
  Speaker 4: but realizing that like putting myself back so that I
• 43:25
  Speaker 4: don't feel pain from my father. I don't feel like
• 43:29
  Speaker 4: I'm putting another burden on my mama what she's already
• 43:31
  Speaker 4: got going on. Be almost like caretaker in a way.
• 43:35
  Speaker 4: But a lot of that I felt like was that
• 43:36
  Speaker 4: false control that I got it. If I'm good, I
• 43:39
  Speaker 4: can keep everybody else good, and that is putting yourself last.
• 43:43
  Speaker 4: And so with MJ, I couldn't fix the situation. No
• 43:49
  Speaker 4: matter what I did, I could not control it. If
• 43:53
  Speaker 4: I could take it and make it me, that would
• 43:56
  Speaker 4: feel great. I can't. There's nothing I could do. There
• 43:59
  Speaker 4: is no real treatment, there is no reason why. And yes,
• 44:02
  Speaker 4: I went through all the stuff like did I do
• 44:03
  Speaker 4: something wrong? Is it the food? Is it the air?
• 44:06
  Speaker 1: Is it this? That?
• 44:06
  Speaker 4: And the third and that question is still up in
• 44:09
  Speaker 4: the air, and trying to live with the unknown. Everybody
• 44:12
  Speaker 4: wants answers. If we had answers, so many people would
• 44:14
  Speaker 4: probably feel better. But that's not the world that we
• 44:16
  Speaker 4: really live in. And so without having those answers and
• 44:20
  Speaker 4: not allowing myself to grieve, that's still a working process
• 44:25
  Speaker 4: for me because emotionally, I have learned how to remain
• 44:29
  Speaker 4: like this. And one thing my counselor said, I hate it,
• 44:33
  Speaker 4: but she said, the degree with you being so numb,
• 44:36
  Speaker 4: the degree of what you feel the lows is the
• 44:38
  Speaker 4: degree of what you will feel the highest. So if
• 44:40
  Speaker 4: you allow and you live in this place of like
• 44:42
  Speaker 4: this where you're kind of numb, you're never gonna experience
• 44:45
  Speaker 4: the amazing like you'll never appreciate it and realize it
• 44:48
  Speaker 4: because you can't drop either.
• 44:50
  Speaker 6: And so yeah, way and in a way, Mike, did
• 44:55
  Speaker 6: you feel helpless. Oh my moment, because there's nothing in
• 44:58
  Speaker 6: that moment that you can do.
• 44:59
  Speaker 1: I told a Humfort her fix that was the worst
• 45:03
  Speaker 1: season of my life because I didn't understand how to
• 45:07
  Speaker 1: emotionally connect with her and I couldn't fix it. So like,
• 45:11
  Speaker 1: it's like watching the person your son.
• 45:14
  Speaker 4: Yeah, I can imagine the.
• 45:15
  Speaker 1: Person that you love. Literally you're watching them kind of
• 45:18
  Speaker 1: like disappear, like the joy come out of their eyes.
• 45:23
  Speaker 1: They're getting pale in spirit, and it's like, yo, we
• 45:27
  Speaker 1: were Superman and Superwoman, Like what happened? Like and trying
• 45:31
  Speaker 1: to do all the stuff that you used to do
• 45:32
  Speaker 1: and it don't work no more. And it's like, let's
• 45:34
  Speaker 1: go to our favorite spot, and it's like, this wasn't good.
• 45:36
  Speaker 1: It's like and at the same time, I didn't emotionally
• 45:39
  Speaker 1: at that time know how to drop down and get
• 45:41
  Speaker 1: in there and just sit with her. I'm trying to
• 45:44
  Speaker 1: figure out how we can you know, all right, well
• 45:47
  Speaker 1: let's go. Let's go to Cayman Islands and you're sitting
• 45:50
  Speaker 1: looking at a beautiful beach, but it just feels great.
• 45:53
  Speaker 1: And what I realized then again is thankfully I learned
• 45:56
  Speaker 1: how to do work for my woman back in the
• 45:59
  Speaker 1: day when I was trying to get her because I
• 46:01
  Speaker 1: had to do now emotional work to connect with her again.
• 46:04
  Speaker 1: And even two weeks from now, I canceled the trip
• 46:07
  Speaker 1: to London to go do some stuff because I'm going
• 46:09
  Speaker 1: to counseling by myself for five days because I want
• 46:14
  Speaker 1: to learn how to. And I said it last time
• 46:15
  Speaker 1: I was up here. I think you asked me, like,
• 46:17
  Speaker 1: what's one thing you would want to do better or
• 46:19
  Speaker 1: something at the end of my interview, and I said,
• 46:21
  Speaker 1: I want to learn how to communicate with my wife
• 46:24
  Speaker 1: even better. I want I want to. I want to
• 46:27
  Speaker 1: become elevated in my ability to articulate my heart and
• 46:31
  Speaker 1: not just my my feelings because automatically my my feelings
• 46:37
  Speaker 1: will come out and I want you we'll get to
• 46:39
  Speaker 1: the heart, but I just want to be able to
• 46:41
  Speaker 1: tell it like today was hard for me and I
• 46:43
  Speaker 1: feel like I'm caring a lot and I just need
• 46:45
  Speaker 1: you to hold me that.
• 46:48
  Speaker 4: As the nurturer.
• 46:50
  Speaker 1: That's easy right there. That's to do is like you good.
• 46:56
  Speaker 1: I'm like, man, I'm good, like everything's fine, like and
• 46:59
  Speaker 1: she knows, but to just and so I want to.
• 47:01
  Speaker 1: I want to become more skilled in my language. But
• 47:04
  Speaker 1: that takes me turning down money, that takes me canceling
• 47:09
  Speaker 1: a trip overseas, that takes me intentionally setting aside the time,
• 47:13
  Speaker 1: because when all of this is done, I'll still have this.
• 47:17
  Speaker 2: Yes, right I both of y'all as a faith based couple,
• 47:20
  Speaker 2: right to the point about your son. Why doesn't the
• 47:24
  Speaker 2: serenity prayer work in moments like that?
• 47:26
  Speaker 1: Because we live in a fallen world, and when Sin
• 47:30
  Speaker 1: entered in with Adam and Eve, there would be things
• 47:32
  Speaker 1: that happened that we would not understand. And this is
• 47:35
  Speaker 1: why God says in Proverbs five six, he said, trust
• 47:37
  Speaker 1: in the Lord in all your ways, and he will
• 47:40
  Speaker 1: direct your path lean not to your own understanding. We
• 47:44
  Speaker 1: don't understand this, like we don't understand all these diseases
• 47:48
  Speaker 1: cancer and that is autism. We don't understand this.
• 47:51
  Speaker 4: That was a big part of the depression, like I said,
• 47:53
  Speaker 4: as not having those answers, even with your faith, I
• 47:58
  Speaker 4: felt it if it feels like to me now now
• 48:01
  Speaker 4: that what I know is not having the answers is
• 48:05
  Speaker 4: you have this super heavy thing. Imagine you just hearing
• 48:08
  Speaker 4: holding this huge thing that's just so overbearing, and it's
• 48:12
  Speaker 4: like that actually never goes away. The weight of it
• 48:16
  Speaker 4: never goes away. But now my hand just got bigger,
• 48:21
  Speaker 4: like your capacity can get bigger to hold the thing.
• 48:26
  Speaker 4: You can have supports from your relationships and therapy that's
• 48:29
  Speaker 4: maybe holding your arms or whatever. But that doesn't mean
• 48:32
  Speaker 4: the thing actually left. That doesn't mean the thing actually
• 48:36
  Speaker 4: got easier, or it got answered, or the prayers worked
• 48:39
  Speaker 4: perfectly or whatever.
• 48:40
  Speaker 1: And that's why that scripture says, trust in the Lord
• 48:43
  Speaker 1: with all your heart, leaning into your own firstanding and
• 48:46
  Speaker 1: all your ways in knowledge God, and he will direct
• 48:48
  Speaker 1: your path. That's what we're doing. All were doing is trusting.
• 48:51
  Speaker 1: We have a beautiful family, we lead a lot, and
• 48:54
  Speaker 1: we're trying to help people. And sometimes all you can
• 48:56
  Speaker 1: do is just lean back and be like, all right, God,
• 48:58
  Speaker 1: I guess you got this one because I don't have
• 49:01
  Speaker 1: anything to make this happen. And that's why again, if
• 49:05
  Speaker 1: those things, I want to tell everybody looking for a relationship,
• 49:08
  Speaker 1: if you can't go through hard things with that person,
• 49:12
  Speaker 1: they're not your relationship. Go. I'm just telling you right now,
• 49:16
  Speaker 1: everything will not be red carpets and Instagram pictures and vacations.
• 49:22
  Speaker 1: The majority of your life will be trying to figure
• 49:24
  Speaker 1: out navigating hard things with this person.
• 49:26
  Speaker 4: And where you put most of your time is where
• 49:28
  Speaker 4: you're going to succeed. Well, most successful things in your
• 49:31
  Speaker 4: life will be where you put most of your time
• 49:32
  Speaker 4: and effort in.
• 49:33
  Speaker 1: And that's why people don't succeed in relationship because they
• 49:35
  Speaker 1: don't put enough time and effort there.
• 49:37
  Speaker 3: I got to ask, you know, the church recently has
• 49:40
  Speaker 3: been criticized in Pastor's Wives right and what.
• 49:42
  Speaker 1: They've been wearing right. We've been seeing that a lot online.
• 49:45
  Speaker 1: What are your thoughts on that? On what you know?
• 49:47
  Speaker 3: I feel like they dive more into yeah, yeah, but
• 49:52
  Speaker 3: it's been outside of just women in general. But it
• 49:54
  Speaker 3: seems like, you know, they put more effort into what
• 49:56
  Speaker 3: the woman wears, yeah, compared to the sermon.
• 49:59
  Speaker 1: So what are you on it?
• 50:00
  Speaker 4: Man? I think that's just humanity. I mean, it's another
• 50:03
  Speaker 4: one of those things. We live in a fallen world
• 50:05
  Speaker 4: and a lot of it can be There are some
• 50:09
  Speaker 4: valid points, you know, to that. I also think that
• 50:12
  Speaker 4: dressing for your the occasion is a big thing. I
• 50:16
  Speaker 4: also feel like you're how you carry yourselves if you
• 50:19
  Speaker 4: are classy and sophisticated, but you feel like being sensual
• 50:23
  Speaker 4: for your husband out in the out, in the real world,
• 50:26
  Speaker 4: not just in the room. Then that's a great thing.
• 50:29
  Speaker 4: He's a man at the end of the day. Like hello, Now,
• 50:32
  Speaker 4: I'm not saying come out and look super thirsty or whatever,
• 50:36
  Speaker 4: but you are. We are women, like we have sexual needs.
• 50:41
  Speaker 4: We want to be attractive. We yeah, we desire for
• 50:46
  Speaker 4: that for ourselves, not only for my husband, but for
• 50:49
  Speaker 4: my own self like a little woman. I'm a woman
• 50:52
  Speaker 4: at the end of the day. I'm also a mother.
• 50:55
  Speaker 4: But at the same time, I'm not walking in that
• 50:57
  Speaker 4: making pancakes in the morning for my kids while taking
• 50:59
  Speaker 4: to school or drop off. And I'm also not wearing
• 51:01
  Speaker 4: it if I'm trying to do you know, morning and
• 51:03
  Speaker 4: announcements at church. But if we are going to the beach,
• 51:08
  Speaker 4: I if I was able to put on the BIKINNI
• 51:11
  Speaker 4: I'm wearing a why would I not?
• 51:13
  Speaker 1: You know?
• 51:13
  Speaker 4: And and also as a woman having for kids them,
• 51:17
  Speaker 4: stretch marks happen, and there is this stigma of like
• 51:20
  Speaker 4: if you got stretch marks all on your stomach, now
• 51:23
  Speaker 4: you put that one piece on because you want to cover,
• 51:25
  Speaker 4: you don't want to be judge. You feel almost embarrassed
• 51:27
  Speaker 4: and The best thing he told me is that he loved,
• 51:30
  Speaker 4: loved my stretch marks, and so and.
• 51:33
  Speaker 2: So Grandma got wearing that move.
• 51:36
  Speaker 1: But I don't even want to think about that. What
• 51:41
  Speaker 1: I am, what I'm going to tag onto what Natalie
• 51:43
  Speaker 1: is saying is that I think sometimes there are things
• 51:48
  Speaker 1: that we do that go over the line. And that's
• 51:50
  Speaker 1: going to be in any field, pastor or postal worker. Okay,
• 51:54
  Speaker 1: let's just say that's also and there is some crazy
• 52:00
  Speaker 1: hypocritical situations on body shapes and sizes because I can
• 52:06
  Speaker 1: wear something tight as all get out, but because she
• 52:12
  Speaker 1: is a larger woman, big chest, big booty in it,
• 52:16
  Speaker 1: it's not considered attractive. And so what ends up happening
• 52:20
  Speaker 1: is oh, completely, and then people are frustrated about it.
• 52:25
  Speaker 1: But I'm saying that, hey, it's okay, Like we just
• 52:29
  Speaker 1: got to make sure we have grace for people. The
• 52:34
  Speaker 1: same level that you judge with is the same level
• 52:37
  Speaker 1: you're getting judged with. And I just think that a
• 52:40
  Speaker 1: lot of times people are so quick, in this rage
• 52:43
  Speaker 1: bait error to point out and judge what other people
• 52:47
  Speaker 1: are doing when there's not a spotlight. And so I
• 52:49
  Speaker 1: just more grace, more, grace, more grace to people so
• 52:53
  Speaker 1: that they can have the ability to change, and yeah,
• 52:56
  Speaker 1: learn what you can and then change it up from there.
• 52:59
  Speaker 2: I saw your uh, I saw your reply to Drew
• 53:02
  Speaker 2: Skit about Megachurch passes, and you said it was hilarious,
• 53:05
  Speaker 2: but it was a distraction from what you should really
• 53:07
  Speaker 2: be focused on.
• 53:08
  Speaker 4: The craziest thing is people don't realize that our word
• 53:13
  Speaker 4: for the year, which usually we always have one at
• 53:15
  Speaker 4: the beginning of the year, what's forward. And that was
• 53:17
  Speaker 4: before the thing even happened forward. And so if you
• 53:21
  Speaker 4: can imagine what you would give advice to someone and
• 53:24
  Speaker 4: then you're trying to encourage them in hard times to
• 53:27
  Speaker 4: move forward, what are words that you would say? So
• 53:30
  Speaker 4: what are we encouraging our congregation about the word that
• 53:34
  Speaker 4: we are saying is the word for the year. That's
• 53:37
  Speaker 4: what he was addressing and through and so some of
• 53:41
  Speaker 4: the things that was said was like he was talking
• 53:44
  Speaker 4: about our word for the year and it wasn't no reply.
• 53:47
  Speaker 4: Believe me, in our real life, like I said.
• 53:50
  Speaker 1: Brought up the photo of the photo you mention. I think,
• 53:55
  Speaker 1: so what ended up happening. We're not acting like we
• 53:59
  Speaker 1: didn't hear it. I don't go around anything. You're saying, yeah,
• 54:02
  Speaker 1: we're going through it. And so my church is a
• 54:06
  Speaker 1: church all over the world. I don't we're intos Oklahoma,
• 54:10
  Speaker 1: but we literally have members of our church all over
• 54:12
  Speaker 1: the world. So if something happens with the extent that
• 54:15
  Speaker 1: that happened, I'm going to let them know that we're hey,
• 54:21
  Speaker 1: I'm we good like.
• 54:22
  Speaker 4: Is they're humans too. We want them like, I don't
• 54:24
  Speaker 4: want our people to be feeling like you need to
• 54:27
  Speaker 4: you know, and knucking you buck online. You don't gotta
• 54:30
  Speaker 4: create a fake a counsel. You can go off on
• 54:32
  Speaker 4: somebody like, you don't gotta like do all that or whatever.
• 54:35
  Speaker 4: And so it is our responsibility to respond to our congregation.
• 54:40
  Speaker 1: But it's a response, not a reaction. And so what
• 54:43
  Speaker 1: I was telling everybody that is the word of the year.
• 54:45
  Speaker 1: We're going forward. And the thing that tries to stop
• 54:47
  Speaker 1: people from going forward is lack of focus. There's a
• 54:51
  Speaker 1: scripture that says, forgetting what's behind me, I press towards
• 54:54
  Speaker 1: the things that are forward, And so that's all I
• 54:57
  Speaker 1: was saying. And then the thing that you know, I'm
• 55:00
  Speaker 1: pseudo comedian, I'll be trying to just make people laugh.
• 55:02
  Speaker 1: And so what I said, number one, there's there was
• 55:05
  Speaker 1: an ai picture going around that somebody made of me
• 55:08
  Speaker 1: in the suit, and I was like, I've never been
• 55:15
  Speaker 1: that big day in my life, remember I was, I
• 55:20
  Speaker 1: was never worn that suit.
• 55:22
  Speaker 4: They literally wait, face though it's Rick Ricardo America married Dominican.
• 55:31
  Speaker 1: Want I did? I thought that? Did? Man? What you
• 55:37
  Speaker 1: did say?
• 55:39
  Speaker 2: You said, uh, you framed it as a parody of
• 55:41
  Speaker 2: a broader critique of misplaced priorities.
• 55:43
  Speaker 1: With complete yes, and so I think that there was
• 55:46
  Speaker 1: some truth in it holistically.
• 55:49
  Speaker 4: Which every any person that goes to church and lives
• 55:51
  Speaker 4: in church. We've been making jokes like this for years
• 55:54
  Speaker 4: and nothing new or whatever, but there is there is
• 55:57
  Speaker 4: definite truth.
• 55:57
  Speaker 1: But the link to me was something that I was
• 56:01
  Speaker 1: a little taken back by because we have done things
• 56:04
  Speaker 1: in our ministry intentionally to not being that we don't
• 56:08
  Speaker 1: have an offering time at our church.
• 56:09
  Speaker 4: And you know what, that pass bucket you won't HiPE
• 56:12
  Speaker 4: our ministry or yourself up or whatever. But for me, y'all,
• 56:16
  Speaker 4: there is so much money our church has given in
• 56:18
  Speaker 4: like I said, the top of the year, word of
• 56:20
  Speaker 4: the year, and then we also give statistics for the
• 56:23
  Speaker 4: year prior to the church, so they know, like finances,
• 56:26
  Speaker 4: where we gave to, how much, how many salvations, all
• 56:29
  Speaker 4: this stuff, and even in our local news, don't nobody
• 56:33
  Speaker 4: come to say, like, your ministry has given over thirty
• 56:36
  Speaker 4: six million dollars away to other ministries and other organizations.
• 56:41
  Speaker 4: Don't nobody come and cover like you gave how much
• 56:45
  Speaker 4: did we give to the survivors of the We.
• 56:47
  Speaker 1: Bought every survivor of the Tall Living Tulsa Race massacre.
• 56:52
  Speaker 1: We gave them two hundred thousand dollars, which would have
• 56:53
  Speaker 1: been the medium age of their house that got burnt down,
• 56:58
  Speaker 1: and we gave it. Ain't nobody and.
• 57:00
  Speaker 4: That, yeah, well more than Tulsa. The city hasn't done anything.
• 57:06
  Speaker 1: So again again we have me and Natalie been pastors
• 57:10
  Speaker 1: eleven years and eleven years our church was started in
• 57:13
  Speaker 1: the hood of Tulsa and we didn't have anything, and
• 57:16
  Speaker 1: God bless us to help people. And my burden was
• 57:19
  Speaker 1: that we are going to give back to the community.
• 57:22
  Speaker 1: And if you check the records, we have given away
• 57:24
  Speaker 1: over thirty six million dollars in eleven years.
• 57:27
  Speaker 4: And he's gonna say he I know, and you ain't
• 57:31
  Speaker 4: gonna say you know that we personally hire auditors to
• 57:35
  Speaker 4: come to come audit us.
• 57:38
  Speaker 1: Because excellence is not just what you see, is how
• 57:40
  Speaker 1: you handle business behind.
• 57:41
  Speaker 4: Us, because we know the spots like that. But I
• 57:44
  Speaker 4: will saying like, like we are in the spot, like
• 57:48
  Speaker 4: we dumb, like auditors come and when I tell you
• 57:51
  Speaker 4: our friends and the people that we hired, they ain't
• 57:53
  Speaker 4: played no games, you know what I'm saying, Like things
• 57:56
  Speaker 4: was tight and right. We had to even change how
• 57:59
  Speaker 4: we gave because it if we're giving houses just the
• 58:03
  Speaker 4: way to the to the widow, or you know, there's
• 58:06
  Speaker 4: a way you got to go about that in a
• 58:07
  Speaker 4: way you can't or whatever. For we had good things,
• 58:10
  Speaker 4: you know, and we had to learn that the hard way.
• 58:11
  Speaker 1: We had to learn that there was a way to give.
• 58:13
  Speaker 1: Because at the beginning of our ministry, when we start
• 58:15
  Speaker 1: to bless, the Bible says to bless the orphans in
• 58:17
  Speaker 1: the widows, we bought people houses like two hundred and
• 58:20
  Speaker 1: fifty thousand dollars house like this woman. And and then
• 58:23
  Speaker 1: we found out, hey, they're.
• 58:24
  Speaker 4: Dealing with big to dealing with big money, there's a
• 58:26
  Speaker 4: way that I RS wants you to do that, to
• 58:28
  Speaker 4: give money away.
• 58:29
  Speaker 1: So I'll say all that today. All that to say
• 58:32
  Speaker 1: is that I wasn't offended by the juice ski thing
• 58:34
  Speaker 1: because you could only be offended when it applies to you,
• 58:37
  Speaker 1: and so I thought it was hilarious when I saw it.
• 58:39
  Speaker 1: I was actually off of social media the whole time.
• 58:43
  Speaker 1: I've been on a twenty one day prayer and fasting
• 58:45
  Speaker 1: and I actually the thing, so I didn't even know
• 58:47
  Speaker 1: what was going on, and people's cot be like you good.
• 58:49
  Speaker 4: I was like good, yes, But at the same time,
• 58:52
  Speaker 4: let's put two and two together, y'all. People are going
• 58:54
  Speaker 4: to tell him what is going on. So to say,
• 58:57
  Speaker 4: like media, well you did it. It's like there's other
• 59:00
  Speaker 4: human beings in the world that can tell you what's
• 59:02
  Speaker 4: happening right now, that can show you.
• 59:04
  Speaker 5: Because I feel like when people came for the mess,
• 59:06
  Speaker 5: they got a message. I mean, I'll about you anyway,
• 59:08
  Speaker 5: but I talked about that on the podcast, like you
• 59:10
  Speaker 5: still preached and people got a word, but they came
• 59:13
  Speaker 5: because they wanted to see what you want to say
• 59:14
  Speaker 5: and it worked.
• 59:15
  Speaker 2: I agree with that, but I didn't bring it up
• 59:16
  Speaker 2: because you know, you said there were people who did
• 59:18
  Speaker 2: not do what God said to do this week because
• 59:20
  Speaker 2: they needed to be in the know of what was
• 59:22
  Speaker 2: happening in the culture. You got a movie coming out
• 59:26
  Speaker 2: this week, so again, is that a distraction that people
• 59:28
  Speaker 2: decided to go?
• 59:30
  Speaker 1: For some people, that is, I don't please believe what
• 59:33
  Speaker 1: I'm supposed to do is what I'm supposed to do.
• 59:35
  Speaker 1: If God tells you to do something else, you better
• 59:37
  Speaker 1: do that.
• 59:37
  Speaker 4: And he's also he's also addressing our people like that
• 59:42
  Speaker 4: was during that was during he's speaking to are we
• 59:44
  Speaker 4: speaking to.
• 59:44
  Speaker 1: The people who are I'm like, yo, God told you
• 59:49
  Speaker 1: to spend time with your kid this week, and you
• 59:52
  Speaker 1: over here in the comments with christ Man six too
• 59:54
  Speaker 1: too talking about you don't know him. And that's a distraction, y'all.
• 1:00:00
  Speaker 1: I tell people this all the time, like what the
• 1:00:02
  Speaker 1: enemy can't get in front of and stop? He gets
• 1:00:04
  Speaker 1: behind and pushes and he pushes people till they get
• 1:00:08
  Speaker 1: distracted off of what they're supposed to do.
• 1:00:10
  Speaker 4: I said, this was the biggest publicity any loop a
• 1:00:15
  Speaker 4: loop all from God and forget you and look look
• 1:00:27
  Speaker 4: look Ali from God.
• 1:00:33
  Speaker 5: From God.
• 1:00:34
  Speaker 4: Because I was like, you know what, now everybody's gonna
• 1:00:37
  Speaker 4: go and watch this movie because they went like, oh,
• 1:00:39
  Speaker 4: he's I was like, well, God, you know what they say,
• 1:00:42
  Speaker 4: all publicity is good publicity. So I think that was
• 1:00:45
  Speaker 4: strategic too, and turning shout out to everybody getting paid.
• 1:00:53
  Speaker 1: But I do think there are broader conversations that have
• 1:00:55
  Speaker 1: to be had, not just in the church but outside
• 1:00:58
  Speaker 1: the Church of the way that we do things. And
• 1:01:01
  Speaker 1: I think that at the end of the day, critique
• 1:01:04
  Speaker 1: with the right heart makes everybody better. And so in
• 1:01:07
  Speaker 1: my mind, like if there's anything that I can be
• 1:01:10
  Speaker 1: better at, I'm again the whole journey is progression, not perfection.
• 1:01:14
  Speaker 1: I'm gonna get better. The next time we come up here,
• 1:01:15
  Speaker 1: We're gonna better than we was this time.
• 1:01:17
  Speaker 4: And so that consistency in him is what made me
• 1:01:21
  Speaker 4: stay and I tell people his consistency is what I
• 1:01:26
  Speaker 4: think him for.
• 1:01:27
  Speaker 1: The most hold on now, don't start up here.
• 1:01:30
  Speaker 4: Your consistency to change and to be better for me
• 1:01:34
  Speaker 4: and our kids and for the people that you lead.
• 1:01:37
  Speaker 4: That is what makes me proud to stand next to
• 1:01:41
  Speaker 4: you no matter what. Because our real life, I tell
• 1:01:44
  Speaker 4: you all the time, is amazing, is blessed, is actual goals.
• 1:01:48
  Speaker 4: Those are the things that people actually do aspire at
• 1:01:50
  Speaker 4: the end of their lives. All these great men and women,
• 1:01:52
  Speaker 4: one of the number one things they say on their
• 1:01:54
  Speaker 4: deathbed is I wish I would have put more time
• 1:01:56
  Speaker 4: into my marriage and my children. And I told him,
• 1:01:59
  Speaker 4: I told him, I said, that's not going to be
• 1:02:02
  Speaker 4: our story.
• 1:02:02
  Speaker 1: Not going to be our story.
• 1:02:03
  Speaker 4: And that is the number one thing that he prayed
• 1:02:05
  Speaker 4: before he came became a pastor with all these older
• 1:02:09
  Speaker 4: saints around him, when he was about to get he
• 1:02:11
  Speaker 4: prayed that he would not lose his family?
• 1:02:15
  Speaker 1: Was it? And I never will.
• 1:02:17
  Speaker 3: Let's let's close this out on the prayer Relationship goals
• 1:02:19
  Speaker 3: available right now on Prime Video. Pastor Michael, Pastor Natalie
• 1:02:23
  Speaker 3: not tied. Let's lend this on a prayer.
• 1:02:24
  Speaker 1: Polease, Okay, so let me say this for our pray.
• 1:02:27
  Speaker 1: They made relationship Goals number six on Amazon Prime in
• 1:02:30
  Speaker 1: twenty four hours.
• 1:02:31
  Speaker 4: I heard you overhead of a number one.
• 1:02:33
  Speaker 1: So I hope it's from your mouth to God's ears. Hey, y'all,
• 1:02:41
  Speaker 1: if we want to keep getting good, positive, positive, hopeful
• 1:02:46
  Speaker 1: black stories, told we got to support. They don't care
• 1:02:50
  Speaker 1: nothing about opinions. They care about numbers. And so even
• 1:02:53
  Speaker 1: if y'all have a watch party, I just want to
• 1:02:54
  Speaker 1: say on the Breakfast Club, everybody streaming on their phone too,
• 1:02:57
  Speaker 1: like turn it down.
• 1:02:58
  Speaker 4: I don't know.
• 1:02:59
  Speaker 1: I mean, you gotta be smart, y'all, because this is
• 1:03:01
  Speaker 1: not a step just for us or Devon Franklin or
• 1:03:05
  Speaker 1: this is a step for all of us to be
• 1:03:07
  Speaker 1: able to make impact in big ways and so grateful
• 1:03:10
  Speaker 1: for that. And this is what we're gonna do. We're
• 1:03:11
  Speaker 1: gonna pray that everybody wins in relationship. So God, me
• 1:03:14
  Speaker 1: and Natalie, we come here with Charlemagne, Lauren, dj Envy,
• 1:03:18
  Speaker 1: Father God and Jess and we're asking that you would
• 1:03:21
  Speaker 1: make all of us better in relationships. God. I'm asking
• 1:03:24
  Speaker 1: that every marriage, every single season, every situationship, everything, Father,
• 1:03:29
  Speaker 1: God that is hurting or hard right now, I thank
• 1:03:33
  Speaker 1: you that you would speak into it and bring hope,
• 1:03:36
  Speaker 1: life and transformation. Today. Father, for the person who feels lonely,
• 1:03:41
  Speaker 1: I thank you that you would be a comforter. Father.
• 1:03:43
  Speaker 1: For the person who feels forgotten, I thank you Father
• 1:03:46
  Speaker 1: that you're sending right relationships into their life. And God,
• 1:03:49
  Speaker 1: for the person who's in a relationship and they don't
• 1:03:51
  Speaker 1: know if it needs to end or not, would you
• 1:03:53
  Speaker 1: send them confirmation? God, I thank you that you would
• 1:03:56
  Speaker 1: use this platform to bring people ultimately closer to you,
• 1:03:59
  Speaker 1: because you should be everybody's number one relationship goal. Bless
• 1:04:02
  Speaker 1: this station, Bless these people, Bless all of their families.
• 1:04:06
  Speaker 1: And I thank you, Father God for all you're doing
• 1:04:08
  Speaker 1: in our lives. In Jesus' name, we pray Amen. We
• 1:04:13
  Speaker 1: love to His club. Good morning every day a weak
• 1:04:18
  Speaker 1: click your ass up the breakfast club.
• 1:04:21
  Speaker 4: Finish for y'all, dumb