Latest / Aspergers & Autism Podcast [The Aspie World] AuDHD / Pathological Demand Avoidance (Why You Missed This Feeling!)

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Pathological Demand Avoidance (Why You Missed This Feeling!) · Aspergers & Autism Podcast [The Aspie World] AuDHD

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  So if you're artistic and you struggle with feeling
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  overwhelmed or trapped by other people's expectations of you,
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  you might actually be suffering from pathological demand
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  avoidance. But it's OK, because in this
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  video, I'm actually going to give you some tips how we can
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  manage PDA and feel a lot better.
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  And I promise you will. So let's get on with it.
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  I've, I've looked at all five things and yeah, let's get on
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  with it. Pathological demand avoidance or
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  PDA comes comorbid Co occurring like alongside autism.
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  Most of the time. I know like maybe a handful of
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  people who have autism but not PDA and that's OK.
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  It's just something that happens, right?
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  But at the same time, it can be really debilitating and also
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  make you have added stress to your life for no reason.
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  So I've listed out five things and five ways that we can
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  actually overcome these things and we're going to go through
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  them all right now. And I am autistic.
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  My name is Dan. And if you're new around here,
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  make sure to the subscribe button to see daily videos from
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  me and also follow along if you're on Facebook or Instagram
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  or Tiktok. OK, so the first one is lowering
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  the pressure before starting tasks, right?
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  And I did a video all about like, you know, how you overcome
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  inertia, which is actually starting tasks.
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  And I'll leave a link for that here in an end card.
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  And then and an icon up here and in description down below.
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  But in terms of lowering the pressure beforehand is kind of
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  like instead of saying like, oh, I have to do something, change
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  the narrative to be like, well, I want to do this.
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  I'm choosing to do this right now.
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  And this reduces the anxiety. And so you can like break all
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  tasks down into small, low demand or low pressure steps.
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  And when you do that, it lowers the anxiety of the things you
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  need to do. Because if you have a list
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  that's like, you know, 16 things to do and each one of them is
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  like, oh, you know, a big job or a big task, we'll just break the
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  big task down to small little tasks to complete the big task.
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  I mean, that lowers the anxiety and it'll lower the pressure on
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  yourself as well, which is really interesting because by
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  doing that, you're going to definitely have more wins than
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  than you are losses, right? And so not feeling so hung up in
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  the in the demands of other people.
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  These are just small wins that you build up.
• 2:00
  Guys, if you are interested in knowing how I became confident,
• 2:03
  got that BDE energy, then make sure you download my free Autism
• 2:09
  Building a Bulletproof Brain Starter Kit.
• 2:11
  You can go to bulletproofbrain.org right now.
• 2:14
  Click the card here, link in the description or in the bio.
• 2:17
  Or you can just go to bulletproofbrain.org.
• 2:19
  Make sure you put www.beforeit and download the free checklist
• 2:24
  starter kit right now. I promise you, you're going to
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  be amazed. OK, so tip #2 is using hidden
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  choices to regain control and the control's a good thing?
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  Guys like I, I would rather be in control of things than out of
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  control or somebody in control of me, right?
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  You don't want to lose control and you don't want to lose
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  control to somebody else. You want to be in control all
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  the time because when you're in control, you have complete
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  control and access to your life and your destiny.
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  So let's go. So give yourself options instead
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  of high rules, right? So you'd be like, I have to do
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  this because blah, blah, blah. Be like, hey, I can do this or
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  that. Which one's going to feel good
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  right now? OK, I'll take B because it's
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  going to be the ones that's going to make me feel better
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  right now. That's what I need right now.
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  This again, lowers the demand. Having choices like this tricks
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  the brain into reducing the stress that is associated with
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  tasks that will avoid a shutdown and actually avoid a meltdown.
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  Because when you have a pathological demand avoidance
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  increase, this is an accumulation that's going to let
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  just end up kicking your butt. So yeah, you got to lower those
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  by creating choices to regain control.
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  And control is a good thing, right?
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  OK, so #3 is following your interests, not the clock.
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  Because when we follow clocks, we look at deadlines.
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  And as autistic individuals, we're told to use timers all the
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  time. And don't get me wrong, timers
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  are great. I actually to use a timer.
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  There's a timer right behind me now this clock, the loop timer,
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  this is amazing. This thing is absolutely
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  fantastic. It's actually a state-of-the-art
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  timer and it just looks absolutely fantastic and I use
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  it all the time and it's great because it has like all these
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  lights. It fits on my desk and it's
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  magnetic. Do this thing cliffs like you've
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  just seen it. Then it was clipped to the back
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  here. Now I'm going to leave a link
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  for you to check out Loop timer if you're interested, because I
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  like to time when I'm doing videos or if I'm making content
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  like emails and stuff, I'll have to time it because I know I've
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  got a certain amount of time for my jobs, not just the tasks in
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  life. But I would never time a task in
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  life, if that makes sense. But I use this timer, which
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  pretty, pretty good. But when you follow your own
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  interests rather than the clock, you know, an hour to do this.
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  Oh my goodness, yeah. You don't stress out as much.
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  You have more self-control, so, you know, you start doing
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  something that's that you enjoy, but then it gets harder and
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  harder because you're trying to do it within a certain amount of
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  time because of those game shows where you've got to like build a
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  cake within a time. I mean, these people love
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  building cakes, but then they start hating as you're doing a
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  time frame. So use your special interest.
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  It's like a, you know, a thing you, you won't have to get into
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  the flow and then just go with it, right?
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  And as long as you're not overestimating the amount of
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  time you need to do and then going over that again, then you
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  should be OK to be right on track by just going OK, look,
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  it'll be it'll take as long as it takes, right?
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  There's no demand here. And that's with tasks like that.
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  Unless you're working with things that you want to time, I
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  highly recommend the loop time. OK, typical 4 is building a safe
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  escape plan. And now this is really
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  interesting because like setting up a a safe space as a place
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  where you can go and retreat to or having like a safe place that
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  you can regulate without having to feel kind of pressure from
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  everywhere else. All guilty because a lot of the
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  time we want to do some thing and then the pressure seems so
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  much that we need to just take a step back and really analyze the
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  situation. But when we do that, we feel
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  guilty for not actually getting on with the thing.
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  And then we think, oh, then I'm going to hit inertia, which
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  isn't the problem At this point, it's just PDA, right?
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  It's a pathological amount of avoidance.
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  And so if you set up somewhere where you can, you know, be
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  safe, like a corner of your room, your bedroom, reading
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  nook, your car, anywhere really, that would be somewhere that you
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  can go. You know, this could be a quiet
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  room for you to just escape stuff, get a sensory break, and
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  then you know that you can retreat there.
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  Take a breather. Okay, now I'm feeling more
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  relaxed, I'm feeling less overwhelmed, the less pressure.
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  Let's go and do the task at hand.
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  This is amazing. This actually really does help a
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  lot, especially with the demands that you have with other people,
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  especially some system, OK, And you just do all these things.
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  You're like, Oh my goodness, so many tasks.
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  First of all, go take a breather, go safe space, calm
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  down, check it out, check yourself, then go back and get
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  it. OK?
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  So tip #5 is use the pretend agreement trick, which is like a
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  secret weapon, OK? This isn't like my secret weapon
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  if you guys see it. So if pathological demand
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  avoidance resistance strikes in a conversation and this can
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  happen calmly agree outwardly. So yeah, yeah, of course, like
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  I'll do this thing. And then initially you're
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  planning your next step. And so it's kind of like you
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  agree now and then figure out later, or you confirm now and
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  you figure out later these examples, like someone says to
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  you like, oh, can can you do this for me right now?
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  You say, sure, I'll handle it. But when you actually tackle it
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  could be something you know that you will agree.
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  So somebody says, like, I need you to handle this right now.
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  Phone this guy and book the limo or something.
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  You'd be like, OK, cool. And then you'd be like, I'll do
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  it right now. And they go, OK, cool.
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  So then you go back to your room and you can have a breather,
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  take a breath, have some water and then decide to do it rather
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  than be like, Oh, I've got to do it right now.
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  And then you're like, oh, you know, if you do, don't know what
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  to do right now because PDA can skyrocket to like crazy levels,
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  right? And I know I, I see you.
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  If this is you, give the video a thumbs up.
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  So this also lowers the confrontation between you and
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  the other person because you're trying to like think to them,
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  Well, actually, you know, I don't want to do it right now.
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  I mean that just cause all kinds of like craziness wouldn't and
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  the other person feel like, hey, this guys an A hole and one of
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  us. So yeah, this would actually
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  help. And these 5 tips are going to
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  absolutely destroying PDA issues that you have in your life.
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  Hey, if you are interested in having one-on-one personal
• 7:30
  coaching by me on your autism and ADHD, then all you need to
• 7:34
  do is go to the link in the description down below.
• 7:36
  If you're watching on Instagram, you can just comment the word
• 7:38
  coaching and I'll DM it to you automatically.
• 7:41
  Or you can just go to theaspyworld.com/coaching and
• 7:46
  you can fill out the form and we can start working together.
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  I've got lots of requests like this.
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  I just wanted to put it in this video.
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  Okay guys.