Latest / The Steve & Jeff Show / The Producer Game - S2 E6

Transcript

The Producer Game - S2 E6 · The Steve & Jeff Show

• 0:04
  SPEAKER_03: Well, hey everybody, welcome to a very special episode of the Steve and Jeff Show.
• 0:09
  SPEAKER_03: I'm Steve.
• 0:10
  SPEAKER_02: And I'm Jeff.
• 0:11
  SPEAKER_03: How's it going, Steve?
• 0:12
  SPEAKER_03: Oh, Jeff, it is going so great.
• 0:14
  SPEAKER_03: But I digress.
• 0:15
  SPEAKER_03: But Jeff, we have an amazing show tonight, Jeff.
• 0:18
  SPEAKER_03: People in the are fired for the show yet.
• 0:21
  SPEAKER_03: Well, not yet.
• 0:22
  SPEAKER_03: But Jeff, the way this show is going, anything is possible.
• 0:26
  SPEAKER_03: Anything could happen, Jeff.
• 0:27
  SPEAKER_03: I'll tell you, you know, we've we we have been dealing with that great producer crisis of 2023, the lack of producers, the ghosting, if you will, or the ghouling, even.
• 0:38
  SPEAKER_03: But we realized that we held the means of production in our own hands, Jeff.
• 0:43
  SPEAKER_03: And with that, we are going to solve the great producer crisis of 2023.
• 0:48
  SPEAKER_03: It's going to end tonight, Jeff.
• 0:50
  SPEAKER_03: Oh, I'm so excited.
• 0:51
  SPEAKER_02: The way we chose the last producer was I was Ubering and she got in the car and I asked her if she wanted to be the producer.
• 0:58
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, hoping that we would get a big tip if I gave her that job.
• 1:02
  SPEAKER_02: And it wasn't the exact way you should hire somebody, but well, Jeff, you did get a big tip.
• 1:07
  SPEAKER_03: The big tip was don't hire somebody that just steps into your car.
• 1:12
  SPEAKER_03: You know what I mean?
• 1:13
  SPEAKER_03: That was your tip.
• 1:14
  SPEAKER_02: But since then, we have now done this worldwide search, and I'm really happy with the three finalists that we have here.
• 1:20
  SPEAKER_02: Because Steve, this is an interesting way to hire where you like do interviews and shit, and well, then you kind of choose them based on that.
• 1:27
  SPEAKER_03: You know, Jeff, most people would just do interviews and then they'd hire and they'd discuss it and they did take it to a committee and all this corporate crap.
• 1:34
  SPEAKER_03: Boring.
• 1:34
  SPEAKER_03: We don't do that.
• 1:35
  SPEAKER_03: What we do is we get the final three and then we have a game show.
• 1:39
  SPEAKER_03: Gosh, Jeff, remember those great game shows?
• 1:41
  SPEAKER_03: I mean, there's still a game show.
• 1:43
  SPEAKER_03: Remember those great game shows of our childhood?
• 1:45
  SPEAKER_03: Oh my goodness.
• 1:46
  SPEAKER_03: So I thought what a great way to choose our new producer is by running a game show.
• 1:52
  SPEAKER_03: And then we'll we'll let our listeners decide who should be our producer.
• 1:55
  SPEAKER_02: The obvious one is the hundred thousand dollar pyramid show, which was always my favorite.
• 2:00
  SPEAKER_03: But that's cool.
• 2:01
  SPEAKER_03: But I didn't picture an entire podcast of people going, it's in a tree, it's green, it grows on a branch.
• 2:07
  SPEAKER_03: You know, I just it that I was thinking more.
• 2:09
  SPEAKER_03: Remember that old dating game show?
• 2:11
  SPEAKER_03: Yes, I do.
• 2:12
  SPEAKER_03: That was one of my favorite shows.
• 2:14
  SPEAKER_03: We and I met my wife on that show.
• 2:16
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah, I met your wife on that show too.
• 2:17
  SPEAKER_03: Oh, but I didn't know.
• 2:18
  SPEAKER_03: So we'll we'll talk about that.
• 2:19
  SPEAKER_03: But we all I think everybody met your wife on that show.
• 2:22
  SPEAKER_02: And just for just for clarification, she wasn't actually on the show, she was one of the ushers.
• 2:26
  SPEAKER_02: She was watching the show.
• 2:27
  SPEAKER_02: I think watching the show, you know.
• 2:30
  SPEAKER_03: And we both went to the bar at the same time and she ordered a vodka drink and said, Hey, I like vodka too.
• 2:34
  SPEAKER_03: I think we're fated to be together.
• 2:36
  SPEAKER_02: Steve, no offense to her, but she was at the bar the whole time.
• 2:40
  SPEAKER_02: So that's how I met.
• 2:41
  SPEAKER_03: Well, that's how it went.
• 2:42
  SPEAKER_03: But we have gone all out, Jeff.
• 2:44
  SPEAKER_03: We have brought in with the assistance of eccentric Lady Land Studios, and they didn't want to do this.
• 2:49
  SPEAKER_03: We brought in a studio audience because you know those game shows all had studio audiences, right?
• 2:54
  SPEAKER_03: You gotta have a studio audience to really have a game show, you know what I mean.
• 2:58
  SPEAKER_03: So we brought in a studio audience and we hired an announcer.
• 3:01
  SPEAKER_03: All those game shows had announcers, right?
• 3:03
  SPEAKER_03: And say, tell them about the prizes, Jerry, and then Jerry would tell them about the prize.
• 3:08
  SPEAKER_03: So we got an announcer, Jeff.
• 3:09
  SPEAKER_03: It is so exciting.
• 3:10
  SPEAKER_03: And normally I just introduce the guests, I I tap the window like this, and I just say, Oh, look who's on the other side.
• 3:17
  SPEAKER_03: No, no, no, no, no.
• 3:18
  SPEAKER_03: We're going high rent this time.
• 3:19
  SPEAKER_03: Our announcer is going to introduce our guests because you know, we're paying the announcer, and so he felt like he should do something because, unlike our ex-producer, he felt like he should do something if we were paying him.
• 3:31
  SPEAKER_03: So he's gonna do the announcing.
• 3:32
  SPEAKER_03: I am ready.
• 3:33
  SPEAKER_03: Oh, one more thing, Jeff.
• 3:34
  SPEAKER_03: Generally, we have a commercial during the show, but we got so much to do tonight, Jeff.
• 3:39
  SPEAKER_03: We're gonna do tonight's show without a commercial, but we're only able to do that because of the good people on both sides at Farmer Brute.
• 3:46
  SPEAKER_03: And Farmer Brute just said, look, we'll sponsor the whole show.
• 3:49
  SPEAKER_03: Don't need to run a commercial, but just say at the beginning, and here we go, this is I'm this is all they wanted.
• 3:54
  SPEAKER_03: They wanted me to say, Farmer Brute, your prescription is ready.
• 3:57
  SPEAKER_03: That's beauty.
• 3:58
  SPEAKER_03: That's all they wanted.
• 3:58
  SPEAKER_03: So I'm excited, Steve.
• 4:00
  SPEAKER_02: Although, you know, that is when I go to the bathroom during your commercial.
• 4:03
  SPEAKER_02: Who knows?
• 4:04
  SPEAKER_03: Let's just see what happens.
• 4:05
  SPEAKER_03: You're gonna want to hold it.
• 4:06
  SPEAKER_03: I'm gonna get our announcer, and he's gonna introduce our guest, Jeff.
• 4:12
  SPEAKER_03: From Omaha, the producer capital of the world.
• 4:16
  SPEAKER_03: It's the Stephen Jeff Producer Game, where one lucky contestant will be the new executive producer for the Stephen Jeff Show.
• 4:26
  SPEAKER_03: To protect the identities of our producers, we've kept the entire studio audience isolated in the sunproof booth behind eccentric Lady Land studios.
• 4:34
  SPEAKER_03: So let's release them and meet our three producer candidates.
• 4:38
  SPEAKER_03: Producer number one is a 94-year-old four-time widow from Peoria, Illinois, living in an independent living community just outside Omaha.
• 4:46
  SPEAKER_03: She enjoys eating at Red Lobster, reading her mail, and regularly visiting the bathroom.
• 4:52
  SPEAKER_03: Hobbies include playing mahjong, watching reruns of Hogan's Heroes, and regularly visiting the bathroom.
• 4:58
  SPEAKER_03: She loves President Reagan and always carries the defibrillar just in case.
• 5:03
  SPEAKER_03: Please welcome Lizzie Bourdeen.
• 5:10
  SPEAKER_03: Producer number two is a performer, dancer, and weekend bouncer at the Vegemite Thunder Down Underclub.
• 5:16
  SPEAKER_03: He loves people, especially remarried divorcees and bachelorettes.
• 5:20
  SPEAKER_03: Never married himself, but has at least eight beautiful children and many believe two or more grandchildren located somewhere in Nebraska.
• 5:28
  SPEAKER_03: He was raised in Joliet, Illinois, a graduate of Stateville High School, and now stays at the Omaha downtown YMCA.
• 5:37
  SPEAKER_03: He has an amazing can-do attitude that makes those around him excited and aroused.
• 5:43
  SPEAKER_03: Please welcome to the Steve and Jeff Show, Valentino.
• 5:50
  SPEAKER_03: Finally, producer number three is the youngest of the group, but this young professional woman knows everything about building a company and electronic media since she started her own digital advertising agency four years ago.
• 6:03
  SPEAKER_03: Today, that company is the fifth largest women-owned business in Nebraska.
• 6:07
  SPEAKER_03: She was born and raised in Omaha and someday hopes to raise a family to give them the kind of life her parents gave her.
• 6:14
  SPEAKER_03: A graduate of Yale Business School, her hobbies include donating time at a local women's shelter, enjoying her foster children, and woodworking.
• 6:23
  SPEAKER_03: Her passion is reading and gaining knowledge that can help her make this world a better place to live.
• 6:28
  SPEAKER_03: She is currently studying to pass the bar and become a civil rights attorney.
• 6:32
  SPEAKER_03: She loves challenges, especially helping new startup companies, and thinks the Steve and Jeff show is hilarious.
• 6:39
  SPEAKER_03: Please welcome to the show, Claire.
• 6:45
  SPEAKER_03: Wow.
• 6:46
  SPEAKER_03: Well, Jeff, that is our exciting group of candidates.
• 6:50
  SPEAKER_03: Boy, wasn't that announcer great?
• 6:51
  SPEAKER_03: We got to keep that announcer around.
• 6:53
  SPEAKER_03: Big time shows have announcers, right?
• 6:55
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 6:55
  SPEAKER_02: It reminds me of the show that we used to watch, the TV show that it's based on.
• 6:59
  SPEAKER_02: It was obvious who the the leaning candidates were.
• 7:02
  SPEAKER_02: You know, and in this case, I think we know that there's two of them.
• 7:05
  SPEAKER_02: But but I don't want to pre-judge.
• 7:07
  SPEAKER_02: I don't want to pre-judge.
• 7:08
  SPEAKER_02: Could be any of them for all I know.
• 7:09
  SPEAKER_02: So uh I'm excited to learn more about them.
• 7:12
  SPEAKER_02: You want to maybe start the questioning for our contenders here?
• 7:15
  SPEAKER_02: I'd be glad to.
• 7:16
  SPEAKER_02: My question is for all three of you.
• 7:19
  SPEAKER_02: I'd like for you to complete the sentence.
• 7:21
  SPEAKER_02: I get hard when I the contestant won.
• 7:27
  SPEAKER_04: I get hard.
• 7:28
  SPEAKER_04: I get hard when I forget to drink my coffee or I forget to drink my crew juice.
• 7:37
  SPEAKER_04: You know, that's when it starts to get hard.
• 7:43
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah, you gotta be careful.
• 7:44
  SPEAKER_04: I wouldn't strain when I smoke a cigarette and uh drink some coffee.
• 7:50
  SPEAKER_02: Excellent.
• 7:50
  SPEAKER_02: A pleasant way to start that.
• 7:51
  SPEAKER_02: Sounds like my mom.
• 7:52
  SPEAKER_02: But these are the best candidates in the world, Steve.
• 7:55
  SPEAKER_02: Oh, it's such an upgrade.
• 7:56
  SPEAKER_02: Absolutely.
• 7:57
  SPEAKER_02: Uh contestant number two.
• 7:58
  SPEAKER_01: I get hard when I the amazing Valentino is always hard.
• 8:02
  SPEAKER_01: Morning, noon, night, evening.
• 8:05
  SPEAKER_01: I am always hard for you.
• 8:07
  SPEAKER_03: That's probably true.
• 8:08
  SPEAKER_03: He does a lot of shows at that place.
• 8:09
  SPEAKER_03: You know, he's a lot of pressure there.
• 8:11
  SPEAKER_03: You know, you probably that's probably true.
• 8:13
  SPEAKER_02: Very good answer.
• 8:14
  SPEAKER_02: Uh again, another top answer.
• 8:15
  SPEAKER_02: Contestant three, Claire.
• 8:17
  SPEAKER_00: Well, you know, Stephen Just, what really makes me hard is completing a challenge.
• 8:22
  SPEAKER_00: I love solving problems.
• 8:24
  SPEAKER_00: You know, when those around you think it's impossible, it really defines who you are to be able to get in there and really solve the hard equations.
• 8:33
  SPEAKER_02: Okay.
• 8:34
  SPEAKER_03: All right.
• 8:34
  SPEAKER_03: Well, so why don't we move on to the next one, Steve?
• 8:37
  SPEAKER_03: I was just thinking of a question that I'd like to ask all the contestants.
• 8:40
  SPEAKER_03: And let's just go one, two, and three.
• 8:41
  SPEAKER_03: What do you think, right?
• 8:42
  SPEAKER_03: I mean, that's easy.
• 8:43
  SPEAKER_03: All of you potential producers, name three things that you would do to make the Steve and Jeff show better.
• 8:50
  SPEAKER_03: Contestant one.
• 8:51
  SPEAKER_04: Oh, I've risen to your show.
• 8:54
  SPEAKER_04: You need to invite fewer sluts and whores and degenerates.
• 8:59
  SPEAKER_04: So uh no more Chloe Montemayor, no more Tommy Andrews.
• 9:06
  SPEAKER_04: Um it's drafty in here, so I turned the air off, and then I want new sponsors that I can trust, like Philip Morris and Hallmark movies, nice Tom Hanks.
• 9:20
  SPEAKER_03: Well, you know, Jeff, she turned the air off.
• 9:22
  SPEAKER_03: Yes, eccentric lady in his news is gonna start to smell bad pretty soon with that air off.
• 9:27
  SPEAKER_03: But but I digress.
• 9:28
  SPEAKER_03: It's a short show, we'll be gone before it really smells bad.
• 9:31
  SPEAKER_03: But wow, new sponsors.
• 9:33
  SPEAKER_03: I was impressed, Steve.
• 9:34
  SPEAKER_03: That was a really good answer.
• 9:35
  SPEAKER_03: New sponsors, producer number two.
• 9:37
  SPEAKER_03: Can you top that?
• 9:40
  SPEAKER_01: Top that is my job.
• 9:44
  SPEAKER_01: Of course, is the top producer candidate.
• 9:47
  SPEAKER_01: I already have a master plan.
• 9:49
  SPEAKER_01: We will pay everyone who listens to the show$100 every show.
• 9:55
  SPEAKER_01: Wow.
• 9:56
  SPEAKER_01: But but but but wait for all of the live listeners, we will get their address.
• 10:00
  SPEAKER_01: We will install the cameras in their bathroom, then publish the dick pics on Twitter and sell them.
• 10:07
  SPEAKER_01: That's a ransom.
• 10:08
  SPEAKER_02: Sure, I really like it.
• 10:10
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah, we'll we'll probably get more slut guests if we do that.
• 10:14
  SPEAKER_02: He's thinking out of the box.
• 10:16
  SPEAKER_03: I think that's what we're looking for in a presumably.
• 10:19
  SPEAKER_03: That is great.
• 10:20
  SPEAKER_03: And that hundred bucks, I mean, sure, that could cost us three, four hundred dollars to do that, but why not?
• 10:25
  SPEAKER_03: Let's pay everybody a hundred bucks.
• 10:27
  SPEAKER_03: Why not?
• 10:27
  SPEAKER_03: Anyway, okay, but producer number three.
• 10:30
  SPEAKER_03: What are three things you almost forgot about her to make this show better?
• 10:33
  SPEAKER_00: Well, you know, I do have some um productive ideas.
• 10:37
  SPEAKER_00: First, I would love to really get on the Stephen Jeff Show website, make it easier to use, put more photos in there.
• 10:44
  SPEAKER_00: I'd love to really give you guys the you know a social media presence, getting on Twitter, getting on Instagram, all that, all that good stuff.
• 10:52
  SPEAKER_00: Um and I really would like to submit your show out for you know new endorsements and feedback, especially with those in the podcast community who can really bounce ideas off you guys and vice versa.
• 11:06
  SPEAKER_00: And you really can get a feel for what others are doing in your field.
• 11:09
  SPEAKER_03: You know, I'm not sure what any of that meant, but it sounded like some interesting stuff.
• 11:14
  SPEAKER_02: And Steve, the good thing about Claire's answer was it gave me a chance to think of other questions that I could ask people to make the show better.
• 11:22
  SPEAKER_02: So, in some ways, Claire did a good job.
• 11:24
  SPEAKER_02: I wasn't really paying much attention, though.
• 11:26
  SPEAKER_03: This is right about where we probably would run the commercial.
• 11:29
  SPEAKER_03: But since our good friends at Farmer Brute agreed to not need a commercial in the show, maybe why don't we take a couple of minutes now and really get to know the contestants, find out a little bit about them.
• 11:39
  SPEAKER_03: So, Lizzie Bourdeen, tell us a little bit about yourself.
• 11:42
  SPEAKER_03: Where you know you're from Peoria and you're four times widowed, you're living in uh assisted living, but what do you do for laughs?
• 11:48
  SPEAKER_03: What do you do for fun at that assisted living house?
• 11:51
  SPEAKER_04: I like to do crossword puzzles and I like to keep up with the periodicals I receive in the mail from uh the NRA and uh concealed carry monthly.
• 12:06
  SPEAKER_03: Keeps the mind sharp.
• 12:08
  SPEAKER_03: Very good, Jeff.
• 12:09
  SPEAKER_03: You and my mom, I think, would get along really great.
• 12:11
  SPEAKER_03: Do you you you drink vodka, you smoke cigarettes and you drink vodka, right?
• 12:14
  SPEAKER_04: Oh, I'm a rye, I'm a rye girl personally.
• 12:17
  SPEAKER_04: Oh, right.
• 12:17
  SPEAKER_03: Well, you know what?
• 12:18
  SPEAKER_03: I think my mom she'll take the vodka, you take the rye.
• 12:21
  SPEAKER_03: I I think you guys could get along famously.
• 12:23
  SPEAKER_03: Hey, that sounds great.
• 12:24
  SPEAKER_03: Valentino, we know we know that you work in the club, but tell us a little bit about what it's like working in the club.
• 12:30
  SPEAKER_03: What is some of the challenges that you have there?
• 12:32
  SPEAKER_03: Is it difficult to have that kind of work?
• 12:34
  SPEAKER_01: Ah, see, senor.
• 12:36
  SPEAKER_01: I just try to remain active, very active.
• 12:39
  SPEAKER_01: My doctor would like me to not be as active because he feels that he's over-prescribing me what we call adult uh medications for people that are sexually active and may slip up from time to time.
• 12:50
  SPEAKER_01: Ah, other than that, I am always ready to go.
• 12:53
  SPEAKER_01: I am also working on a personal endorsement deal from the makers of the little blue pill, as you know them.
• 13:00
  SPEAKER_04: I take Facebook dressers too.
• 13:02
  SPEAKER_01: We we are probably gonna be okay with that information.
• 13:06
  SPEAKER_01: But more about my Viagra sponsorship.
• 13:09
  SPEAKER_01: Please go on.
• 13:10
  SPEAKER_01: Yes.
• 13:10
  SPEAKER_01: When you asked earlier, I was flattered.
• 13:13
  SPEAKER_01: What gets me hard?
• 13:14
  SPEAKER_01: Of course, it is the little blue pill.
• 13:16
  SPEAKER_01: But I also have a dual sponsorship.
• 13:19
  SPEAKER_01: I also am sponsored by Cialis and by Hems.
• 13:23
  SPEAKER_01: Wow.
• 13:23
  SPEAKER_01: Um and a little hers.
• 13:25
  SPEAKER_01: So I'll be bringing in the endorsement books with this new job that I am sure to somebody like him, like Farmer Proof, would really like somebody that really overuses their prescriptions.
• 13:34
  SPEAKER_03: I mean, they kind of live for people like that.
• 13:36
  SPEAKER_03: They sponsor every show.
• 13:38
  SPEAKER_02: Every time he fills a prescription and there's an overflow staying in the studio.
• 13:44
  SPEAKER_02: I'm just saying, he's gonna make this show a lot better.
• 13:48
  SPEAKER_03: He's gonna really firm up this show, I think.
• 13:50
  SPEAKER_02: Totally.
• 13:51
  SPEAKER_02: Absolutely.
• 13:53
  SPEAKER_03: And it's not even nice.
• 13:54
  SPEAKER_02: Look at that professional language.
• 13:56
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 13:56
  SPEAKER_03: Clara, tell us a little bit about yourself.
• 13:58
  SPEAKER_03: Claire, I forgot.
• 13:59
  SPEAKER_03: Great educational background, and you've done some wonderful things.
• 14:02
  SPEAKER_03: So, what do you do for fun?
• 14:03
  SPEAKER_03: What's a great way that you relax with all that, all those credentials, all those qualifications?
• 14:08
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, when I'm, you know, not busy with my self-made business uh or with my six foster children.
• 14:16
  SPEAKER_00: I really love giving back to the community.
• 14:19
  SPEAKER_00: I love volunteering at the soup kitchens and volunteering at marathons, you know, handing out water.
• 14:25
  SPEAKER_00: People don't think that that's something that's needed, but people need that kind of stuff.
• 14:29
  SPEAKER_00: I love a good night out, you know, listening to uh music, concerts, kind of the average stuff, but yeah.
• 14:37
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 14:38
  SPEAKER_02: I was I was just thinking we probably should go on to question three.
• 14:41
  SPEAKER_02: I think we're ready for question three, Jeff.
• 14:43
  SPEAKER_02: Uh we'll go in order again.
• 14:44
  SPEAKER_02: One, two, three.
• 14:45
  SPEAKER_02: And the question is, what is the best in your best?
• 14:48
  SPEAKER_02: It's so much better that way.
• 14:50
  SPEAKER_02: What's the best way to promote the show from an advertising standpoint?
• 14:54
  SPEAKER_02: Lizzie?
• 14:55
  SPEAKER_04: How hard is it to uh take the show on the road?
• 14:59
  SPEAKER_04: Maybe uh take it where you know you could find listeners like me and my friends.
• 15:04
  SPEAKER_04: You could go uh do a show at my bingo parlor or at my beauty parlor.
• 15:11
  SPEAKER_04: A lot of people or the funeral parlor.
• 15:13
  SPEAKER_03: And think about it, at assisted living, those people will all get our jokes.
• 15:17
  SPEAKER_03: I mean, totally.
• 15:18
  SPEAKER_02: It may take a while, but they'll get them tomorrow, but they'll get them.
• 15:22
  SPEAKER_02: Oh, yeah, you know, yeah, yeah, yeah.
• 15:24
  SPEAKER_02: A really good answer, Lizzie.
• 15:25
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, excellent.
• 15:26
  SPEAKER_03: Oh, yeah.
• 15:27
  SPEAKER_02: Uh Valentino, what would you like to accomplish from an advertising standpoint to make us better?
• 15:37
  SPEAKER_01: Very simple C puppy.
• 15:39
  SPEAKER_01: Oh, he's in the mode.
• 15:40
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, sandwich sign advertising.
• 15:44
  SPEAKER_01: This is something I have done.
• 15:46
  SPEAKER_01: I would wear only big bold side outside of the club advertising, ten dollar laugh dances and teeny boner lunch specials is very popular.
• 15:57
  SPEAKER_03: I'm I'm I'm just I guess with all that Viagra, the the sandwich board it would have to be like one of those big subs, you know, one of the foot logs at uh subway or something, right?
• 16:08
  SPEAKER_02: I just want to say one thing to the contestants, especially you two, is if we could have two co-producers, we would do it because there's a connection between the two of you.
• 16:18
  SPEAKER_02: I think it's the best of both worlds.
• 16:20
  SPEAKER_02: Unfortunately, we're gonna have to choose one person, but you both are very worthy.
• 16:24
  SPEAKER_04: Yeah, and they are wearing hats.
• 16:26
  SPEAKER_03: Jeff, we could have two producers, but the see the problem is we're not even paying enough really for one.
• 16:32
  SPEAKER_03: So if they have to split it, it's really not gonna be that impressive.
• 16:36
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, you're right.
• 16:37
  SPEAKER_02: But you both, I'm sure, will be producers somewhere else, if not here.
• 16:41
  SPEAKER_01: Yes, I would like to hire the young, hot, boring one as my assistant.
• 16:44
  SPEAKER_01: That could be.
• 16:45
  SPEAKER_02: Oh, yeah, Claire.
• 16:46
  SPEAKER_02: Oh, sorry, Claire.
• 16:47
  SPEAKER_02: I don't know, Claire, do you remember the question?
• 16:49
  SPEAKER_00: Uh yeah, yeah.
• 16:50
  SPEAKER_00: I was uh waiting my turn because I actually uh did a TED talk over, you know, successful advertising, me having an advertising business.
• 16:59
  SPEAKER_00: It is a passion of mine, one of them.
• 17:01
  SPEAKER_00: Really, the the key to any successful advertising is to really identify your audience and reach them where they are.
• 17:08
  SPEAKER_00: That makes sense.
• 17:09
  SPEAKER_02: Hold on one second, Claire.
• 17:10
  SPEAKER_02: Steve, you know how we got rid of that commercial?
• 17:13
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, I gotta go.
• 17:14
  SPEAKER_02: She keeps talking.
• 17:16
  SPEAKER_02: I'm just gonna keep it.
• 17:17
  SPEAKER_01: I wanted a coffee.
• 17:18
  SPEAKER_01: I just wanted to.
• 17:19
  SPEAKER_01: And you want a coffee?
• 17:20
  SPEAKER_01: I'll get you a coffee closure out.
• 17:21
  SPEAKER_03: Hey, you know, you have to walk around the studio audience because this place isn't that big and we brought all these people in.
• 17:26
  SPEAKER_02: But Lizzie, can I get you something like a hardener or something?
• 17:30
  SPEAKER_02: Give her some ride.
• 17:33
  SPEAKER_04: Yeah, a brown happen if you got one.
• 17:36
  SPEAKER_02: Let me go get that.
• 17:37
  SPEAKER_02: Claire can keep talking and I'll be right back.
• 17:39
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, go ahead, Claire.
• 17:41
  SPEAKER_00: Okay, you know, as I was saying, uh, you really you want to be able to reach your audience, you know, using social media.
• 17:47
  SPEAKER_00: Again, going back to my previous answer, getting you guys on social media would be uh paramount, you know, Twitter, Instagram, you know, maybe have a Facebook group or something.
• 17:58
  SPEAKER_00: That way, you know, people all all over the the world can really uh hear about you guys.
• 18:02
  SPEAKER_00: It doesn't have to be words.
• 18:03
  SPEAKER_03: Steve, I'm back.
• 18:04
  SPEAKER_03: Oh, great.
• 18:06
  SPEAKER_03: I meant to ask you to give me a Coke Zero and and just a little vodka, but you did.
• 18:10
  SPEAKER_03: Okay, all right.
• 18:11
  SPEAKER_03: Well, all right, I'll be right back.
• 18:12
  SPEAKER_03: I'll get one after the show.
• 18:13
  SPEAKER_03: Steve, I'll get it after the show next.
• 18:15
  SPEAKER_03: All right, we're in the zone.
• 18:17
  SPEAKER_03: I've got a question that I'd like to ask because I think when you're gonna hire somebody, this is a fair question.
• 18:24
  SPEAKER_03: Sexual orientation?
• 18:25
  SPEAKER_03: I'm gonna ask that, but not on the air because I might get sued.
• 18:27
  SPEAKER_03: I'll ask it when I'm off the air and I can deny it.
• 18:31
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah, but but I digress.
• 18:33
  SPEAKER_03: Producer candidates, how much do you feel is fair compensation for the role of producer?
• 18:40
  SPEAKER_03: In other words, what would you like to be paid?
• 18:42
  SPEAKER_03: If we had money in a perfect world, hypothetically money.
• 18:45
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah, let's pretend we got money, right?
• 18:47
  SPEAKER_03: Okay, what would you like to be paid?
• 18:49
  SPEAKER_03: Uh start with Lizzie.
• 18:50
  SPEAKER_04: Oh, well, I'm gonna need a lot more than the minimum wage, which uh the last time I checked was 325.
• 18:58
  SPEAKER_03: I think that's what it is, yeah.
• 18:59
  SPEAKER_04: Yeah, it is I'm gonna need 525, and not only that, I need my own mimeograph, I need my own secretary, and I need my own liquor cabinet.
• 19:11
  SPEAKER_03: Wow, I think that's doable.
• 19:12
  SPEAKER_03: That's fair.
• 19:13
  SPEAKER_03: You got oh, yes, we spend most of our time sniffing the fluid, but yeah, we've we got a little mimeograph in the back here.
• 19:20
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah, yeah, yeah.
• 19:21
  SPEAKER_03: Oh, absolutely.
• 19:22
  SPEAKER_03: What about you, Valentina?
• 19:24
  SPEAKER_01: See, see, see.
• 19:25
  SPEAKER_01: Cash rules everything around me.
• 19:27
  SPEAKER_01: Get the money, dollar bills, y'all.
• 19:30
  SPEAKER_01: I like them rolled up.
• 19:31
  SPEAKER_01: Lots of them, lots of them tucked nicely into this G strip.
• 19:38
  SPEAKER_03: Oh my wow.
• 19:40
  SPEAKER_02: I've got my wallet out right now, Steve.
• 19:42
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah, it's amazing.
• 19:43
  SPEAKER_03: I've got some ones here.
• 19:44
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah, yeah.
• 19:46
  SPEAKER_03: We gotta get the other side of the glass here, but you know, eventually when the show's over, yeah, I could give them a couple ones.
• 19:51
  SPEAKER_03: Sure.
• 19:51
  SPEAKER_03: What the heck, Claire?
• 19:52
  SPEAKER_03: What do you think would be fair compensation to be our producer?
• 19:56
  SPEAKER_00: Really, I'm just a fan of the show.
• 19:57
  SPEAKER_00: I think you guys are hilarious, so I'd really be in it for the joy of helping out.
• 20:02
  SPEAKER_00: You know, it'd be nice, you know, maybe once you're up and running, getting a percentage, but it's negotiable, you know, it's not a it's not a huge deal to me.
• 20:11
  SPEAKER_05: Wow.
• 20:11
  SPEAKER_02: Wow.
• 20:11
  SPEAKER_02: So Steve, everyone needs to have more realistic expectations on compensation because you know, sometimes when you're that direct, I don't know if we have endless amounts of money, pretend money that we would pretend to pay.
• 20:24
  SPEAKER_03: You could have cut some words out of that sentence.
• 20:26
  SPEAKER_03: Doing I'm I'm doing editor here, but you could have said cut out what endless amounts of pretend we have bump bump up money.
• 20:34
  SPEAKER_03: Yes, yeah, you're correct.
• 20:35
  SPEAKER_03: That's it.
• 20:36
  SPEAKER_03: That's uh, you know, but do we need to ask any further questions?
• 20:40
  SPEAKER_03: Or because we're we're getting low on time, and and I do have there is a little alarm that's gonna go off when we're out, when we're out of time, when we gotta go.
• 20:48
  SPEAKER_03: Maybe let's go around and have each of them give kind of like a final closing argument, if you will, in the legal sense of the word.
• 20:56
  SPEAKER_03: It doesn't have to be anything big, just a few closing words.
• 20:59
  SPEAKER_03: Lizzie, some some closing words.
• 21:01
  SPEAKER_04: I'm your producer, but it's gonna be morning in America again.
• 21:06
  SPEAKER_04: I want everybody at the office at the studio by 7 a.m.
• 21:11
  SPEAKER_04: And we're gonna focus on wholesome programming.
• 21:15
  SPEAKER_04: None of this filth that you guys have been putting on the on the airwaves.
• 21:20
  SPEAKER_04: So I look forward to a new wholesome chapter of the Stephen Jeff show.
• 21:25
  SPEAKER_03: 7 a.m.
• 21:26
  SPEAKER_03: Jeff, I don't even leave till 6 30.
• 21:27
  SPEAKER_03: I mean, I just turn right back around, you know.
• 21:29
  SPEAKER_02: But that positive energy from her, it's undeniable.
• 21:33
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, it's crazy, it just makes me want to get up and go through walls and do that at seven in the morning.
• 21:39
  SPEAKER_02: Wow, Valentino.
• 21:40
  SPEAKER_02: Any closing comments?
• 21:41
  SPEAKER_01: See, much after show.
• 21:49
  SPEAKER_01: Lots of cocaine.
• 21:50
  SPEAKER_01: See, there would be cocaine.
• 21:52
  SPEAKER_03: That's maybe another use for those dollar bills, you know.
• 21:54
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah, this this could really come in handy.
• 21:56
  SPEAKER_03: All those little pre-roll, right?
• 22:02
  SPEAKER_04: Oh, you didn't say you had toothache powder.
• 22:04
  SPEAKER_03: Oh, yeah, my teeth are pretty bad.
• 22:08
  SPEAKER_03: Really hurt pretty bad.
• 22:10
  SPEAKER_01: Speaking of powder, let's see those bags.
• 22:12
  SPEAKER_03: No, Claire, any any sweater clips, Claire, any final comments?
• 22:17
  SPEAKER_00: Uh yeah, I just want to thank you guys for having me.
• 22:20
  SPEAKER_00: I uh really hope that you know we get to work together in the future.
• 22:23
  SPEAKER_00: And I had a great time.
• 22:25
  SPEAKER_00: I really think that I could take this places if if chosen uh by the audience.
• 22:30
  SPEAKER_02: Okay.
• 22:30
  SPEAKER_02: I just want to say before we leave, Lizzie, it was such a pleasure meeting you.
• 22:35
  SPEAKER_02: I learned something every minute.
• 22:37
  SPEAKER_02: Uh, Valentino, I'm still aroused.
• 22:40
  SPEAKER_02: And thanks, Claire, for coming in.
• 22:41
  SPEAKER_03: And you know what, Jeff?
• 22:43
  SPEAKER_03: You closed just in time because fourth quarter is over.
• 22:49
  SPEAKER_03: We have to make a decision.
• 22:50
  SPEAKER_03: And Jeff, you know, it is so hard to make those decisions.
• 22:53
  SPEAKER_03: And on game shows, they usually have the winner right at the end of the show.
• 22:58
  SPEAKER_03: But I think what we should do, we should make this a two-parter, if you know what I mean.
• 23:02
  SPEAKER_03: And that's a way to drag the audience into the next episode.
• 23:05
  SPEAKER_03: Why don't we let the audience tell us who we should pick?
• 23:08
  SPEAKER_02: I think that's a great idea.
• 23:10
  SPEAKER_02: Sounds to me like we don't need a producer if you're coming up with those kinds of ideas.
• 23:14
  SPEAKER_03: Well, what I'm hoping is that some producer can come in and say, No, don't do that, Steve.
• 23:18
  SPEAKER_03: That's a stupid idea.
• 23:19
  SPEAKER_03: That's kind of what I'm saying.
• 23:20
  SPEAKER_03: Well, that could be.
• 23:20
  SPEAKER_03: But that could be.
• 23:21
  SPEAKER_03: But I we we haven't had that yet, so I don't know.
• 23:23
  SPEAKER_03: I don't know.
• 23:23
  SPEAKER_03: So, all you listeners, let us know.
• 23:26
  SPEAKER_03: Call, write, email, instant message us, find us.
• 23:30
  SPEAKER_03: If you can find us, find us and tell us who you think should be our producer next time.
• 23:36
  SPEAKER_03: And Jeff, I think we should leave it there.
• 23:38
  SPEAKER_03: But but you know, Jeff, we hired this announcer, and we usually just end our show.
• 23:41
  SPEAKER_03: We do the theme, we go, oh, hey, see you next time.
• 23:44
  SPEAKER_03: No, no, no.
• 23:44
  SPEAKER_03: We're paying this announcer, so let's let's let's put him to work.
• 23:47
  SPEAKER_03: What do you say?
• 23:47
  SPEAKER_03: Sounds good.
• 23:48
  SPEAKER_03: Guests of the Stephen Jeff Show stay at the fabulous and surgically enhanced La Vista Red Roof Inn, complete with free breakfast and outpaced surgicots.
• 23:56
  SPEAKER_03: It's La Vista, but with this luxury, you'll feel like you're in Walston.
• 24:00
  SPEAKER_03: Promotional consideration and other payoffs provided by Ignited Airlines, the airline with the third least cancellation so far this year.
• 24:07
  SPEAKER_03: When traveling, remember, at Ignited, your toast.
• 24:11
  SPEAKER_03: Steve's wardrobe provided by Bat Guy of Woodland Hills, Jeff's wardrobe provided by Yeah Him of Juarez.
• 24:18
  SPEAKER_03: Money laundering and other financial assistance provided by the Kolachev Crime Family, now with over 900 locations worldwide.
• 24:24
  SPEAKER_03: If you need crime dirt off, call Kolachev.
• 24:27
  SPEAKER_03: This has been a Steve and Jeff production without any involvement by HBO or E4 Productions.
• 24:33
  SPEAKER_03: This is your announcer, Jim Lang.