Latest / To Your Success! Podcast / Episode 43: You Do Not Need More Motivation. You Need an Honest Life Audit
Transcript
- Christer Johnsen: Warm welcome everyone to the To Your Success podcast. I am Krister Jonsson and with me today is Elin Sol. I'm close to you today. Close to you. Yeah, close to me. Yeah, I'm close to you because we are out sailing as you can see and we are in Croatia and we actually plan to have this podcast and to record this outside today because it was such a wonderful morning. It was. Yeah, you were out walking for two hours having client calls and helping other people. I was sitting inside and doing other stuff. It was so beautiful. And then the fog came in. So now we have about 15 meters visibility, which is what it is like to be sailing. And sometimes it's like that in life too. Yeah, it is. Today we see each other. We see each other and we're going to talk about something really fun and really important today. Because many people think they lack motivation, but often the real problem is that they are working very hard inside a life that no longer feels right. So today we are not talking about pushing more. We are talking about something more. uncomfortable and far more powerful honesty. I feel that that was kind of I felt that in my stomach is like wow, honesty. We have to hold up the mirror. I do that to my clients all the time. And now you say that I have to do that on my own as well. why do you think high achiever avoid looking honestly at their life? Because you're an archiever. I think you have to be brutally honest about your results and results, you know, your results are not only the finances. So many people think about the money as a result, but that is not what success is about. Success is to live a life in alignment. is to live a life that feels like you. It is like we, when we wake up in the morning and said, do you want to change this for something else? It's like, no way. No. I mean, we have even said if one wants to live your loss or their loss, it's like, okay. Because so... ⁓ It is clarity. mean, motivation drops when direction loses meaning. And it's so easy to lose meaning because you see yourself from where you are today. You don't see yourself from who you want to be. That is what we train ourselves to do every day, is to think, feel and act like the person we want to be. Think, feel and act like living the life we want to live. Right. And then... It depends a little bit on personalities and if you want to study more on personalities I write about that in my book. have a... Actually we have a separate episode about personalities that you can listen to as well. That's my favorite chapter in your book actually. Yeah. I haven't read it for a long time now so maybe I should do that. Maybe. I will do that. Do that. But we have four different personalities. know there is Sanguin, Fun all the time. You have the choleric action all the time. You have the melancholic. getting things in system. Elin is so happy because during winter we installed a new shelf in her cabinet. I just love it. And one other thing, where did we go? IKEA. We went to IKEA, the storage heaven. you bought boxes. Yeah. Yeah. And because you are a melancholic. ⁓ so now you have different types of clothes and different kind of boxes. And then you use our dino machine to label them as well. ⁓ then you ask, don't you want some boxes? I said no. Are you happy with your cabinet? Yes. Now we're both happy. So now we're both happy. ⁓ then you have the phlegmatic personality that can never make a decision. ⁓ it varies. You can be a high achiever and respond differently. For us, being a lot of choleric, it's really easy to just push harder. Just do more things. And I'm really good at that. I'm a strong choleric, so pushing harder, pushing harder, pushing harder. And it's so easy to push in the wrong direction. That is where honesty comes in. You have to start asking yourself, is this what I truly want? So how can someone tell the difference between being tired and being misaligned? Well, they are actually connected I would say So there are no difference No, let me let me answer in a different way when you do what you love you get energy from what you do. Yeah When you do what you don't truly want like if you are stuck in a job That you don't want to be in if you are in a relationship You don't want to be in if you if you work with clients, you don't like right then It's so easy to be tired. And then you push harder, push harder. You grind. Because you haven't understood. And grinding is using your intellectual mind to create success. It is not to use your subconscious mind, your emotional mind to create success. And therefore you have to grind harder, harder, harder, harder. So you actually optimize a life that you have outgrown. And that feels, I mean, I can... Absolutely resonate with that feeling. You know how sick and tired of being sick and tired of us and you continue saying you should be happy Chris Because you have the dream job. I agree. I had a wonderful career. I had a great job. I worked for wonderful people I am really care for them and I really like them ⁓ but it didn't make me happy because I didn't Right and that is my personal experience of silent misalignment. Is that you know from the outside? had the cars, had the house, had the boat, have the boat, have everything, good finances and all that. Still, I was not happy. Seeing from outside, seeing how maybe society expects you to live, I should be happy, but it didn't feel right. So then you actually had an honest life audit. Well, first of all, I did a really smart thing, that I accept, I mean, the second smartest thing, except from being with you. I got a mentor. Thank you. You're welcome. I love you. I love you too. But I got a mentor. And I remember that call. I actually talked about it today to one of our clients. he's a funny guy. He's a wonderful guy. He's at our age. He has his goal just in front of him and he doesn't dare to jump. I have been there too, but he already has the contract he wants to work with. He has everything in place. He needs to sign ⁓ and the decision. will double his income. He will get the freedom ⁓ and that he wants, but he doesn't dare. Right. And I can fully recognize that because you so stuck. And maybe you as a listener, you recognize that too. You are stuck ⁓ in the wheel. You are used to to do what you've always done and you just doing it. Still, it feels awful. Right. And then I say jump. As Bob Proctor said, jump and you will grow wings on the way down. That's beautiful, right? So what does an honest life, what it actually mean in practice? ⁓ would say I would start to write down what my dream life is. ⁓ do I truly want to live? ⁓ ⁓ down many, many years ago and it started with the dream of sailing around the world and I had no idea of financing it. Well, you could sell everything. Then we bought our wonderful house and then that plan was scrapped because we want to keep the house. ⁓ And then I kind of had to figure that out, but inside me it is this... enormous, enormous want and sometimes need to help other people. mean, the worst thing you can do to me is when you struggle with something and I ask, can I help you? And you say no. It's like me imploding. It's like, okay, so I train myself to say whatever. She'll ask when she needs it. And I train myself to ask for help as well. You're not very good at that. Not yet. I'm getting better. Yeah, but so. Those were the two things inside me, the freedom of sailing around the world like we do now. We are in Croatia. And then my true desire for helping other people and then living this freedom and showing the world how I wouldn't say it's easy, but it's not very difficult, right? You just have to do things that you're not used to and get better and better and better at it. And I think I think in all it starts with that. Write down what you truly want. Write down what you are happy with today and what you're not happy with. But write it down and look yourself in the mirror and say, this is it. Don't think about what you're afraid of. Don't think about being afraid of losing it. Always because you will fix it. And then but then, you know, it's. There are several areas that you can go into, right? You can go into your identity. Who do you truly want to be? And for me after 25 years of running companies, one of the things I don't want to be is to be an employer. And you know, I don't want to have employees. can hire people, meaning that like you working for me. But and so we have it's a contractor, right? The same as you. So then the five areas to evaluate, who do you truly want to be? I want to be a mentor. I want to be an explorer of life. I want to sail around the world. I want to be a great husband. I want to be great father. ⁓ Then time. How much time do you actually work? Sometimes I post on LinkedIn and I post them on Sunday evening and then I open up, so you're working Sunday again? Why? I don't want to do that. So you get feedback on that too? No, I guess they just think who does he think he is or something. I don't know. it's like, how do you want to spend your time? Do you want to ask people for permission to take two weeks off? No. Do you want to ask for permission to do all that? How do you want to spend your time? Do you want to build something on your own or do you want for others? That's okay. Both are okay. Both are great. I mean, you can do a lot in the corporate world as well. Then energy. What kind of energy do you want? Do you want to feel good or do you want to feel stress? know, when people hit the wall, very often it's because they work with things they don't like. They work against the stream instead of with the stream. And there are so many people working with things they don't like. I still to this day cannot comprehend why people do that. But that's that's another subject. I think we just grow into it, right? Because society now is very, very much that we we grow up, we go to school, we have to take a degree without without a bachelor or a master. It's like, I don't know. I remember. some old friends of ours, they were almost ashamed to tell that their son ⁓ actually wanted to be a truck mechanic. I said, that's wonderful. Right. And today he fixes boats. ⁓ And they were so happy. I said, that's absolutely wonderful. that is what you want. Why shouldn't it be? Why shouldn't it? Do what you want. Yeah. So you grow into it and then you're caught very often golden handcuffs, golden handcuffs, right. That you I get 20,000 euros, 200,000 crowns increase in salary. That will keep you happy for one month. And then you will get used to it. The higher up you get, the less freedom you have. Environment, what kind of environment are you in? Are you in a successful environment? Are you inspired by the people around you? We travel a lot to get close to get proximity to people that inspire us. And that's the same that we offer as well. we have programs, your programs and the seminars and everything we offer that community. Yes. So and it's so important just being that environment of like-minded people that really wants to be, ⁓ change. Yeah. Like when we have our live impact coaching calls every month. ⁓ love those sessions. You don't like the name of it. ⁓ It's too long, I think. But the sessions are I haven't put it in a box yet. So it will be in the unpredictable. We have like 15, 20, 30 people, right? And everything is possible. No one says, ⁓ that's too big goal. It's more that you are capable of more. You should increase your goal. And we just help each other. And that is maybe what gives me most is to create these success environments where people are inspired and where the energy is so good. Everything is possible. If you want to change, change. Yeah, just do it. I know you can. And then you have the direction. I can compare direction with sailing. Where we are now, if we change course five degrees, we end up in Africa. ⁓ that would be cool. No, we don't want to go to Tunisia. Then we have the dinghy. can take that. Thank you. It's like we want to go to Greece so we have to stay close right so it's and it's only five degrees so it is the same in your life you don't have to make a 90 degree turn you just have to make a degree a degree a degree a degree right one percent closer to your goal every day. I just want to bring you back a little bit about to the life audit because why for many people are honestly with ourself so much harder than the change itself. Because we don't dare to take the consequences. think we're afraid of that. We are afraid of change. We are more afraid of change because we get stuck, you know, and maybe I had a client call today. I had three or four client calls this morning and one of them and he's a wonderful guy. He's in the financial system. And I said the only thing I was afraid of what is what others would say when he leaves. And I said, don't care about that. I was afraid of the same thing. And you remember when I emailed like 30, 40 people and saying that, you know, I'm leaving and I'm very inspired by the people I worked for and I love you all and all that. And then I say, I'm just going to go on my own. And no one said, you are crazy. We don't believe in you. They said, go for it. You're really good at this. Just do it. I wish I dared to do the same thing. That is what they said. ⁓ But we make up all these stories in our mind that things will not work out. I mean, inside us, we all have that one that says, I don't know how I have to figure it out. need 110 % clarity before I move. On the other side, we have the person that says, go on, we fixed this. Invest in yourself, bet on yourself, you can do this, right? And you have to choose who you want to listen to. And the guy that's saying, don't dare this, you have to figure out the how, that person, that boy or that girl. That man or woman will never take you to the life you want. They'll just hold you back. So, think most people have this emotional resistance to honesty. So why does honesty feel scary even when you know something is a... ⁓ there was a Norwegian poet... Don't take the lie of life from people. And I think that is why we are afraid. But that is where awareness creates relief instead of pressure. You know, your spiritual DNA is absolutely perfect. We are created absolutely perfect just the way we are with our flaws, with our everything. You have everything inside that you need to create the life you truly want. I love this thought of being perfect. Yeah, but we are. Yeah, I know. I mean, if you go to religion, say that we are created in God's image. It's like, And the same with the universe, you know. In the same spirituality, nothing in spirituality says that you're not good enough. No, no, says you can. Yes, you can ask and you shall receive. Right. So being 100 % honest and being brutally honest will just get you relief, not pressure, because you will realize that, well, I'm the life I live now. And the emotional shift comes when you realize that. When you say I'm really happy with the life I have lived so far. I'm grateful because I'm happy where I am now. Now I'm ready for something else, something more. Now I'm ready for being free. Right. And it's a time in life. Very often it happens 40, 50 years old, you know, you're done with the project, education, getting a job, getting a family and all that you're done with that. Now what's next? And now finally the time is right for someone. Okay. So what emotions do see people struggling with when they pause and reflect? Scared, they are scared. They are scared. Yeah, so afraid. Like you, like... Like I was, But sometimes you're afraid too. Yeah. You are. Yeah. Not very often. Yeah. No? Okay. I mean, it's fair of discovering necessary change. But don't come there and say, I'm not good enough, because you are. You are good enough. know that when I studied religion, I went ⁓ to a Danish philosopher, ⁓ ⁓ ⁓ still love his work. He has a very ⁓ system of how the universe works and how the involvement over time and how that is. ⁓ he has a wonderful saying that we have no right to judge other people. ⁓ that you know how judgmental I have been on myself and others as well. Just read my book and say the first sentence I write in my book is like, but I judge myself really, really hard. But we have no right to judge other people because we don't know what journey they are on in this life. We don't know the purpose of this life. And so that you need to change, you don't need to change. You want to change. You need nothing. won't. Right. And then loyalty to expectations and identity. I can just say what Bob Proctor said. If you wonder what people think about you, they don't. They don't. think just like you. You think mostly about yourself. Just like me. I think mostly about myself. I a lot about my clients too. They are close to our heart, right? They are really close to our heart. But don't stay in a bad place just because you think others expect that from you. I mean, be the best version of you. I can say like Jim Rohn said, I take care of me for you and you take care of you for me. And then we have a wonderful relation and we do that now. If you love someone set them free. Yeah. It's true. It's a lot of good saying in old songs. Was that an old song? okay. I think it's singing actually. If you love somebody set them free. I think it's on something like that. ⁓ I'm not going to start a singing career, but okay. we should have your daughter here. She could sing for us. Yeah, she could. She's a good singer. Okay. One of the things I think you really do when you work with clients is that you create this safety around honesty for them. Yeah, and I can be brutally honest with them. And I tell them that when I say this, and it's not for being harsh, it's just to be honest, just to open their eyes. And I I do this with love because you have told me you want this. you tell me you want something else, ⁓ when you have said that you have a goal and you want my help to get to that goal, then I follow my intuition. ⁓ not rude or anything, but I'm direct. I think ⁓ people you should with love be direct. ⁓ what happens after someone becomes honest with themselves? ⁓ It's a revelation. ⁓ free up the energy. It's you get in the right direction. You get the purpose. I would say that you get the purpose, right? Yeah. And with a purpose, when you feel that the purpose is actually not working 15 hours a day, solving, I think about all the lawyers I know, solving all these legal problems where they and they don't have vacation. They call it lawyer vacation, which to me is excuse my language. It's just bullshit. Sorry. It's just bullshit, right? It's just an excuse. And then they say, well, they make two million dollars a year. So what are you happy? And I don't think at the end of their life they will be happy of what they have become. I hope they are. But for me, I fully recognize that and I had the same thing. I mean, I was in New York with my family and I checked email on the street. I was actually in hospital once as well. I told that story before and I was in bed and getting medication in my body to get my blood pressure down. And I was checking emails. It's like, how stupid can you be? The best thing you could have done is not checking those emails. I know. blood pressure would have gone down. But that was not my self-image. wasn't. Because my self-image, my identity was to be the hardworking CEO and president who managed this, who fixed this, even though I was young. That was my self-image. And I was not almost with myself. I almost died for me. So absolutely clarity removes the internal conflict. Then you can feel that, well, do I dare? Yes. What is difficult to do without help? I mean, you have a mentor, you text with her almost every day. I have a mentor. Not almost. Every day. Every day. She is my accountability partner now, so I have to do that. And you change so fast. It's the same with me. It's fun. Yeah, it's really fun. And I'm very proud of you. Thank you. Proud of the change you have done the last six months. ⁓ So clarity removes internal conflict. Decision making becomes calmer and cleaner. It's easier to make a decision because you make, you know, a true decision is not made from clarity. A true decision is made from trust. Because if you wait for clarity before you make the decision, then it's an old program. And now I know everything, so then I can move. Everyone that has worked with investments know that when you make an investment analysis on a new machine or whatever it is in a factory, you guess, you make a guesstimate, right? It's the same thing, you make a guesstimate and then it's trust. I can do this. Trust the process. Trust the process, trust your skill and then your energy will shift because then it gets fun. And that's it, think. Yeah. think we could talk about this for like hours and hours, but it's a fun time. And maybe as a listener, you think, well, it's easy for you to say. It is easy to say. It is easy to say, but we live it as well. And trust me, we have failed more times than most people have tried. We fail all the time and we love our failures, even though they are sometimes they're painful. Why didn't this work? It's just, okay, let's try. Try another thing, try another thing, try again, try again, try again. So don't be afraid of failure. Failure is just learning. Yeah, just don't give up. Don't give up. Make a plan and don't follow it. we say. Yeah. Yeah. Okay. So thank you for listening. If you please subscribe. share. have a fast growing subscription. That's cool. Number of subscriptions. Yes, we have, we passed 7,000 subscribers. have... Last episode we had 80,000 listeners to this podcast on YouTube, which is amazing. Like and share. mean, we share our lives. And if you want to work with us, go to christerjohnsen.com. There is a let's talk button there and contact us you will book a call with ⁓ likely. 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