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The Courage to Receive · Fierce Encouragement

• 0:00
  Speaker 1: If you cannot accept help unless you pay for it, this one's for you.
• 0:05
  Speaker 1: Let me say it again slower If you cannot accept help unless you pay for it, this is your episode, so hang around.
• 0:17
  Speaker 1: So a client of mine recently told me flat out Coach, Mark, I cannot accept another session from you.
• 0:27
  Speaker 1: If it's free, I have to pay you.
• 0:29
  Speaker 1: Unquote.
• 0:30
  Speaker 1: Now here's the thing they wanted the support.
• 0:35
  Speaker 1: They needed the support, in fact, and that was offering it as a gift.
• 0:41
  Speaker 1: I don't do it all the time, but it was genuinely a gift for this person.
• 0:46
  Speaker 1: There was no strings attached.
• 0:48
  Speaker 1: It was something you know I wanted to offer, but something inside of them really recoiled and she wouldn't take it.
• 0:56
  Speaker 1: And I get it.
• 0:59
  Speaker 1: I've felt that too, and have you ever noticed how uncomfortable it can be to receive something when there's no exchange or no money changes hands?
• 1:12
  Speaker 1: I've been there.
• 1:14
  Speaker 1: Maybe somebody offers you a free coffee and before the words even leave your mouth, you're fumbling to try to pay them back and grab some cash out of your wallet.
• 1:24
  Speaker 1: Maybe somebody volunteers to help you move and all of a sudden you're scrambling to make it quote-unquote.
• 1:31
  Speaker 1: Even you owe them something, a pizza, maybe to take them out to dinner.
• 1:36
  Speaker 1: But really, underneath all of that is a voice that's with most of us.
• 1:43
  Speaker 1: If I don't pay, I'm a burden.
• 1:47
  Speaker 1: If I don't pay, I'll owe them.
• 1:52
  Speaker 1: If I don't pay, I'm weak.
• 1:56
  Speaker 1: So what do we do?
• 1:59
  Speaker 1: We reject it, we reject the gifts.
• 2:02
  Speaker 1: We reject it.
• 2:09
  Speaker 1: We reject the gifts or we downplay it, or we insist on immediately Venmoing somebody the $3.42 for that latte and maybe in the process we miss out on one of those things in our life.
• 2:20
  Speaker 1: That is a great training ground the ability to receive without shame.
• 2:27
  Speaker 1: Here's the real truth.
• 2:32
  Speaker 1: Receiving is not a weakness, it's a strategy, because when we learn to receive, we actually are honoring that giver.
• 2:44
  Speaker 1: When we let their generosity kind of land with us, we let the relationship open up and even deepen and we create more of a circle and a connection that money and material really can't buy.
• 3:05
  Speaker 1: The strongest people I know don't just give well, they receive well.
• 3:11
  Speaker 1: They know how to say thank you.
• 3:15
  Speaker 1: I'll let this land.
• 3:17
  Speaker 1: And let me be really clear it takes a ton of courage to accept a gift.
• 3:25
  Speaker 1: It's actually harder to accept a gift sometimes than to give one.
• 3:31
  Speaker 1: Giving keeps us in a sense or position of control.
• 3:36
  Speaker 1: Right Receiving can require a surrender, deeper humility, a trust and a sense of just letting it land, like I mentioned.
• 3:49
  Speaker 1: And you are not weaker when you receive, even though society might tell us that You're not weaker when you receive.
• 4:01
  Speaker 1: You are wiser and you're really playing a long game.
• 4:06
  Speaker 1: So let's make this really practical.
• 4:11
  Speaker 1: I call it the receive and return practice.
• 4:14
  Speaker 1: So step one is this say yes when somebody offers to help you this week.
• 4:21
  Speaker 1: Resist that knee-jerk reaction to say no, I'm fine.
• 4:25
  Speaker 1: Instead, I want you to really listen, breathe, smile and then just simply say yes, thank you, and then the work is to let it land.
• 4:37
  Speaker 1: Maybe just hang with that discomfort a little bit.
• 4:41
  Speaker 1: The second step is this Name your return.
• 4:47
  Speaker 1: Not a repayment, a return.
• 4:49
  Speaker 1: Just decide one concrete way that you can pass that gift forward.
• 4:57
  Speaker 1: Maybe you'll send an encouraging note or a text to a friend on Friday.
• 5:03
  Speaker 1: Set that reminder.
• 5:05
  Speaker 1: Maybe you'll cover your neighbor's sidewalk when the snow and the shovel comes out.
• 5:12
  Speaker 1: Maybe you can just drop a handwritten note to somebody who you know is struggling.
• 5:18
  Speaker 1: But name it clearly.
• 5:21
  Speaker 1: What's your return?
• 5:21
  Speaker 1: Step three is this Put a date on it, really.
• 5:34
  Speaker 1: Open up your calendar.
• 5:34
  Speaker 1: Open up your reminder app.
• 5:35
  Speaker 1: Set that reminder.
• 5:35
  Speaker 1: Make it concrete and real.
• 5:36
  Speaker 1: Don't let it float out there in the universe of good intentions.
• 5:39
  Speaker 1: Choose the when of good intentions, choose the when.
• 5:42
  Speaker 1: So receive and return.
• 5:44
  Speaker 1: That's the practice.
• 5:45
  Speaker 1: It's really simple, it's really human and it's strategic.
• 5:57
  Speaker 1: Put it into play.
• 5:58
  Speaker 1: I want you to imagine now what happens if you live this way, what happens when you surrender to this receiving and paying it forward, so to speak, or returning it, instead of maybe pushing away that generosity or kind of putting up that wall or blocking generosity.
• 6:18
  Speaker 1: You can multiply it.
• 6:19
  Speaker 1: What would your day look like with that?
• 6:19
  Speaker 1: You can multiply it.
• 6:21
  Speaker 1: What would your day look like with that?
• 6:23
  Speaker 1: Instead of the pride that we hold on to keeping us isolated, our humility can connect us with others.
• 6:35
  Speaker 1: Now I've literally seen leaders who couldn't delegate because they couldn't receive help.
• 6:44
  Speaker 1: I've seen parents who burned out because they wouldn't let anyone else carry the load.
• 6:48
  Speaker 1: They burned themselves out, they stressed themselves out and relationships fell apart.
• 6:53
  Speaker 1: I've seen entrepreneurs and business owners who stayed broke because they refused free advice, and the pattern really is the same I'll only accept if I pay first, and this can cut us off from the very resources and the help and the kindness when we need it most.
• 7:17
  Speaker 1: It surrounds us, so opening up to it.
• 7:22
  Speaker 1: It takes courage, but don't have that conditional I'll only accept if I pay first.
• 7:29
  Speaker 1: It really limits our life.
• 7:34
  Speaker 1: So once you learn to receive, you'll find you can get energy back.
• 7:39
  Speaker 1: You'll find that support and then you train the people around you that it's okay to help your kids, your partners, your co-workers, your company, it's okay to give, it's okay to share the load, because this isn't charity, it's more about that reciprocity on a longer timeline, and we give that gift to the giver and, of course, we give ourselves that gift of deeper connection.
• 8:10
  Speaker 1: So this is my fierce encouragement for today Let someone help you Find a time.
• 8:20
  Speaker 1: Listen, be open to it, but let someone help you Find a time.
• 8:24
  Speaker 1: Listen, be open to it, but let someone help you.
• 8:25
  Speaker 1: And when that offer comes and it will just pause and breathe and say yes and name your own return and put it on your calendar.
• 8:35
  Speaker 1: We are not burdens and you're not weak.
• 8:41
  Speaker 1: If you accept help, you're part of a bigger cycle that's way huger than just you.
• 8:48
  Speaker 1: And the irony is this the people who think they don't deserve that free help, they're usually the ones giving and giving and giving until their energy and their life force is on empty.
• 9:06
  Speaker 1: So this week your training rep is to receive Practice that receive and return.
• 9:13
  Speaker 1: Let somebody else give and then carry that gift forward.
• 9:18
  Speaker 1: You are not broken, You're not weak.
• 9:21
  Speaker 1: You're in training.
• 9:22
  Speaker 1: Now, if this landed, share it with one person, especially somebody you know that struggles to accept some help.
• 9:31
  Speaker 1: And if you want to go even deeper into this kind of training with me, check on that link in the show notes to book a free consult with me.
• 9:41
  Speaker 1: Let yourself be helped.
• 9:43
  Speaker 1: Put yourself on that return, put it on your calendar.
• 9:49
  Speaker 1: That's the game.
• 9:50
  Speaker 1: I really appreciate you sharing your time with me.
• 9:54
  Speaker 1: I hope this landed with you Wherever you're at.
• 9:56
  Speaker 1: Have a good day, a good evening, and we'll catch you next time on Fierce Encouragement.
• 10:00
  Speaker 1: Okay, be well, bye-bye.