Latest / The BitterBuffalo Podcast / Episode #12 - The Prolonging of Childhood

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Episode #12 - The Prolonging of Childhood · The BitterBuffalo Podcast

• 0:08
  SPEAKER_00: Welcome to the Bitter Buffalo Podcast.
• 0:11
  SPEAKER_00: Today I want to talk about prolonging of childhood.
• 0:16
  SPEAKER_00: Now, we see a lot of um differences, I think, in terms of, if you look longitudinally with the way people are raised, with what they enjoy as people growing up, with maturity levels, with impulsivities, and things like this.
• 0:34
  SPEAKER_00: And this kind of like just draws my attention to the statement that this um New York Teacher of the Year, he was two-time New York Teacher of the Year, John Taylor Gatto, if you've ever heard of him.
• 0:46
  SPEAKER_00: He wrote some books called, uh, one of them was The Underground History of American Education.
• 0:52
  SPEAKER_00: He also wrote things like Dumb Gast Down, Weapons of Mass Instruction.
• 0:56
  SPEAKER_00: So he was kind of against the you know the mainstream education system as we have it in America at the moment.
• 1:03
  SPEAKER_00: Um kind of thinking about where did the uh in his book uh Underground History of American Education, he found, kind of did a dive into where did this system come from?
• 1:14
  SPEAKER_00: And what he kind of found was that, you know, it started out with the people who were crafting this um education system.
• 1:24
  SPEAKER_00: It came from uh what is uh Germany, modern-day Germany, it came from Prussia, which they were creating a system of you know having good soldiers and followers.
• 1:36
  SPEAKER_00: So they here in America, what did we want?
• 1:39
  SPEAKER_00: Well, good factory workers, people who showed up on time, did what they were told.
• 1:43
  SPEAKER_00: And that was the kind of system they went with.
• 1:46
  SPEAKER_00: And I think it it kind of stands to this day, right?
• 1:51
  SPEAKER_00: This, well, I'll just call it a forced education model, right?
• 1:54
  SPEAKER_00: You have to be educated because we tell you to, not because you want to enjoy doing it or you know, there's something you want to accomplish.
• 2:03
  SPEAKER_00: It doesn't matter your aims as much versus the aims of the state or the family or whatever the case may be, other people other than yourself, right?
• 2:13
  SPEAKER_00: So it's that kind of education system that we find ourselves in.
• 2:17
  SPEAKER_00: Um, but anyway, that's so that was one of his books, and he talks about, but he also talked about the prolonging of childhood, which also kind of benefits these educational institutions, right?
• 2:29
  SPEAKER_00: I see a lot of people who just get stuck in, you know, the schooling system.
• 2:33
  SPEAKER_00: They feel comfortable, it's structured, it's like, okay, I know what to expect from teachers, and I like getting judged in some way about you know the grade I can get, I can, you know, succeed in that.
• 2:45
  SPEAKER_00: And they have some difficulty.
• 2:48
  SPEAKER_00: I'm not saying everybody, but many people have difficulty leaving that system.
• 2:51
  SPEAKER_00: They become institutionalized in a way in that system of uh education.
• 2:58
  SPEAKER_00: So they, you know, it becomes this kind of like safety blanket.
• 3:01
  SPEAKER_00: And then getting out into the world where it's free, you know, and scary out there becomes difficult, right?
• 3:07
  SPEAKER_00: So they want to stay in that cocoon of the institutionalization of education and stuff like that.
• 3:13
  SPEAKER_00: Even people, like if you ever all saw Shawshank Redemption, right?
• 3:16
  SPEAKER_00: Uh, which is interesting because I'm in Ohio here and that's kind of down in Mansfield, about what, two hours away.
• 3:22
  SPEAKER_00: And I've visited that reformatory, the Ohio Reformatory, where they filmed that.
• 3:26
  SPEAKER_00: So love that movie, by the way.
• 3:28
  SPEAKER_00: Highly recommend it if you ever never saw it.
• 3:32
  SPEAKER_00: Um, but in that movie, Brooks was this older gentleman who, you know, he would deliver library books, he had this friend bird that he used to feed inside the prison, but he definitely became institutionalized in that that setting.
• 3:47
  SPEAKER_00: And when they said, Hey, you've served your time, you're released now, he didn't know what to do with himself.
• 3:53
  SPEAKER_00: He'd rather be stuck in that system that has taken care of him, that he knew for so long, rather than be out on his own in the freedom of the world, right?
• 4:02
  SPEAKER_00: And I think that's a big um consideration is the idea that we need to expose our kids to the idea that they're going to be on the run and free.
• 4:12
  SPEAKER_00: So we have to let them struggle, for example, when they're in their child years, rather than always kind of like taking responsibility for them and making sure they're always safe and that they're never upset and that all their needs are met constantly.
• 4:27
  SPEAKER_00: This is the creation of a child who then go becomes a child in their adult years, right?
• 4:34
  SPEAKER_00: Because they need that safety that the parent provides that in terms of attachment through that safe base that the parents have provided for so long, right?
• 4:45
  SPEAKER_00: So that's the prolonging of childhood, right?
• 4:48
  SPEAKER_00: And we also make these kind of like societal distinctions in terms of when you're an adult, it's for everyone, it's age 18.
• 4:57
  SPEAKER_00: Really?
• 4:59
  SPEAKER_00: Has this always been this arbitrary age?
• 5:02
  SPEAKER_00: Because some people mature faster than others.
• 5:04
  SPEAKER_00: We know kind of girls mature faster than boys, some boys mature faster than other boys, some mature boys mature.
• 5:10
  SPEAKER_00: You know, everybody's on their own maturity level here, right?
• 5:13
  SPEAKER_00: But when we arbitrarily make distinctions of this is when you're an adult, we may not be telling people the truth.
• 5:21
  SPEAKER_00: So that's a societal way that we prolong childhood, is by having these legal definitions of what is a child and what is not, who is a minor, who is not.
• 5:31
  SPEAKER_00: So there's a lot of things that we are kind of like we should wrestle with here in terms of what are we doing to keep people in childhood?
• 5:40
  SPEAKER_00: And what could be maybe even like the benefit of keeping people in childhood for some sectors of our society, right?
• 5:47
  SPEAKER_00: Well, think about it.
• 5:48
  SPEAKER_00: If someone isn't an adult, they're more kind of like looking for a way for it to be comforted by something, like a binky, like a comfort blanket or something like that, right?
• 6:00
  SPEAKER_00: So they'll when they grow up as adults, they'll be seeking that um in different ways, right?
• 6:06
  SPEAKER_00: Maybe go hearkening back to the ways they were comforted when they were kids.
• 6:10
  SPEAKER_00: This could be like, I know a lot of, and don't get me wrong, I'm not saying it's wrong or right here, but a lot of adults love buying Legos, and they'll have all these Legos all over the house, even the things that look like plants and stuff like this.
• 6:24
  SPEAKER_00: It's interesting.
• 6:26
  SPEAKER_00: But that gives them that comfort, you know, that they seek in their life that they had growing up, because in some ways they never learned to just like get rid of that, shed that childish stuff, childhood stuff, and become the adult, right?
• 6:43
  SPEAKER_00: So they're just constantly looking for things, and they can again be alcohol that does that, help you feel different, deal with the the struggle of society that adults just themselves know that we have to deal with.
• 6:57
  SPEAKER_00: It's just part of life, it's part of being an adult, a mature person.
• 7:01
  SPEAKER_00: So this segments of society, these things that benefit from people being, you know, stuck in childhood, reap the benefits.
• 7:10
  SPEAKER_00: Alcohol, drugs, shopping in some ways, car dealerships, you know, educational institutions.
• 7:17
  SPEAKER_00: I think all these things benefit from the prolonging of childhood in a lot of ways, right?
• 7:23
  SPEAKER_00: So it's interesting.
• 7:25
  SPEAKER_00: I always say that a lot, it's interesting.
• 7:28
  SPEAKER_00: But uh, when I work with people and I work with like parenting, one of the questions I ask initially is Um, do you know David Farragut?
• 7:37
  SPEAKER_00: And you know, David Farragut was this admiral in the Navy, in the US Navy, and kind of the late 1700s, early 1800s, the War of 1812, stuff like that.
• 7:48
  SPEAKER_00: And a lot of people say no.
• 7:50
  SPEAKER_00: And then I just ask arbitrarily, okay, he was 1800s, 1812, you know, do you know how do we would you venture to guess how old he was when he was first commissioned as an officer in the United States Navy?
• 8:05
  SPEAKER_00: And a lot of people will say, Oh, I don't know, 16, 17, 20.
• 8:10
  SPEAKER_00: And the answer really is nine years old.
• 8:14
  SPEAKER_00: And it kind of, I think for some people, blows their minds because in today's society, we wouldn't even fathom that.
• 8:22
  SPEAKER_00: You know, that would be just, you know, hurting the kids or something like wouldn't be supporting them.
• 8:27
  SPEAKER_00: Of course, we have child labor laws and stuff like this, so we don't want to put kids into dangerous situations.
• 8:33
  SPEAKER_00: And I totally get it.
• 8:34
  SPEAKER_00: We don't want to do that, but we also don't give due consideration for the power of kids, the power that kids possess to become adults in a lot of situations.
• 8:44
  SPEAKER_00: For example, with David Farragut, yeah, hit nine years old, but he got his first command.
• 8:49
  SPEAKER_00: What do you think?
• 8:52
  SPEAKER_00: He was age 12.
• 8:54
  SPEAKER_00: Age 12, this kid was commanding other people, men, right?
• 8:58
  SPEAKER_00: He had that confidence, he had that ability to do that kind of thing.
• 9:02
  SPEAKER_00: And here's a story that um John Taylor used to tell about him too.
• 9:07
  SPEAKER_00: Was I think he was given command of a prize British ship.
• 9:10
  SPEAKER_00: That was his first command.
• 9:11
  SPEAKER_00: And okay, not an actual command, but it was taking this British ship back to port as a prize, you know, of the Navy.
• 9:19
  SPEAKER_00: And the British captain came above decks and saw this kid telling him what to do.
• 9:24
  SPEAKER_00: And he's like, I'm not going to tell a kid, not gonna have a kid tell me what to do.
• 9:28
  SPEAKER_00: And he went back um below decks to get his saber or his sword or whatever, to like, because I guess David Farragut told him not to have it around, you know, because it's a sword, you know.
• 9:38
  SPEAKER_00: But they used to use these swords to show that they were in command or whatever.
• 9:42
  SPEAKER_00: So he went back below decks, this British captain.
• 9:46
  SPEAKER_00: And what David Farragut said was if he comes back above deck, if he comes back on the deck, kill him.
• 9:54
  SPEAKER_00: That's the kind of gumption, the the confidence in terms of leadership that this 12-year-old possessed.
• 10:01
  SPEAKER_00: And I think that's any kid out there, and that's learned from an early age with those in back in those days, apprenticeships and looking at males who are confident, masculine people, who know what they're doing, who could be good leaders, again, that rubs off, you know, that becomes the mirror neuron things in our brain, which is monkey see, monkey do kind of stuff.
• 10:23
  SPEAKER_00: But if you're never exposed to that, and all you get, which nowadays in our society, what is what are kids, eight, nine years old, twelve years old, exposed to more often than not?
• 10:37
  SPEAKER_00: What kind of influence in their life, right?
• 10:41
  SPEAKER_00: Above all, it's safety.
• 10:43
  SPEAKER_00: Make sure that you don't hurt yourself.
• 10:45
  SPEAKER_00: Make sure you put bubble wrap around your yourselves or whatever the case may be.
• 10:50
  SPEAKER_00: Look 18 ways when you cross a street, all this kind of stuff, and you don't see kids walking outside.
• 10:57
  SPEAKER_00: I don't see any of them.
• 10:58
  SPEAKER_00: Hardly ever.
• 11:00
  SPEAKER_00: Because the parents are just so protective, overprotective, that these kids never learn how to become adults.
• 11:07
  SPEAKER_00: And this is really what needs to happen in our society, is we need to let the the natural process of kids wanting to be adults become adults.
• 11:14
  SPEAKER_00: But what we do is we stymie that in so many ways, right?
• 11:18
  SPEAKER_00: Because in a way, a lot of the a lot of the adults raising children today are still children themselves.
• 11:26
  SPEAKER_00: They're still playing video games and Legos and all these kinds of things that and haven't really grown up to kind of face the just the realities, the rawness of society in in a way where you just deal with the discomfort.
• 11:41
  SPEAKER_00: You don't have to cover it up constantly with things and binkies and alcohols and things like this.
• 11:48
  SPEAKER_00: So hopefully you're catching my drift here, right?
• 11:52
  SPEAKER_00: We we need to get back to what used to happen in terms of, for example, apprenticeship of kids, you know, seeing what do for for definitely for boys, seeing what men do in the capacity, right?
• 12:05
  SPEAKER_00: Watch watch Master and Commander.
• 12:06
  SPEAKER_00: You'll see what I'm talking about.
• 12:07
  SPEAKER_00: They have kids on there.
• 12:09
  SPEAKER_00: And these kids, and what some of them are, you know, kind of what what they call the uh powder monkeys, which you know, put the powder in the in the um uh the cannons, but they also have there's a kid on the the ship in watch this.
• 12:24
  SPEAKER_00: I told it one of my favorite movies of all time, love the book series, too.
• 12:28
  SPEAKER_00: But he's a midshipman, he's a uh is an officer, and man, that kid knew more than like a 30-year-old on on deck who was still a midshipman, who was stuck in childhood almost.
• 12:39
  SPEAKER_00: It's kind of like a microcosm on that on that movie, too, in Master and Commander.
• 12:44
  SPEAKER_00: But they were more often than not shown this is how we be a man, we have to put our nose to the grindstone and work.
• 12:50
  SPEAKER_00: But nowadays it's so much safety and being okay and nurturing.
• 12:55
  SPEAKER_00: So it moved from the influence of the man on the boy to now it's the influence of women on the boy.
• 13:03
  SPEAKER_00: So now most of the time, I would say the majority of the time, boys are being taught how to be men by women, and women don't know how to be men.
• 13:13
  SPEAKER_00: I'm sorry, but that's what it is, right?
• 13:15
  SPEAKER_00: So if they grew up learning how to please women or their mom, they're gonna project that into their next relationship, and then it becomes smothering and stuff because they're always just being stuck in childhood trying to please mom versus being men and being a leader in some confasion.
• 13:31
  SPEAKER_00: I'm not saying take over and control, I'm saying being a good partner is being, especially for a masculine man, is being a good leader.
• 13:39
  SPEAKER_00: And that's what what I see in my practice is most women want.
• 13:42
  SPEAKER_00: They don't want to be smothered, taken care of, and over-safetyfied.
• 13:46
  SPEAKER_00: They want a guy who take a risk and you know, move the family forward in a way that, yeah, you're gonna have risks, but you're gonna have the payoff at the end too.
• 13:54
  SPEAKER_00: But see, we're missing that in our society when we just constantly talk about safetyism, prolonging, which leads to the pro prolonging of childhood in many ways.
• 14:06
  SPEAKER_00: So getting back to yes, we need women, we need nurturing and stuff like that.
• 14:10
  SPEAKER_00: And I think, you know, young girls should see, you know, what's a confident female role model.
• 14:16
  SPEAKER_00: And at the same time, men need to see this again too.
• 14:20
  SPEAKER_00: And we're just not getting it.
• 14:21
  SPEAKER_00: That's one thing.
• 14:22
  SPEAKER_00: But anyway, but it's both men and women, girls and boys, who are getting stuck in childhood, who are not shown what does a you know adult female do, what does an adult male do, right?
• 14:36
  SPEAKER_00: I think it's important for the female or the the girls to see, you know, what adult men do too.
• 14:41
  SPEAKER_00: What is a good masculine in their father, just as much as a boy needs to see a good, you know, feminine um mother, whatever the case may be, and what they offer to the relationship too.
• 14:53
  SPEAKER_00: But we're getting so unbalanced here, right?
• 14:56
  SPEAKER_00: Anyway, I digress, but hopefully that kind of spurs you into thinking about this in in a way where, like for me, I was just I had all these Star Wars figures.
• 15:08
  SPEAKER_00: I don't know why I was keeping it, I guess it was for money and stuff, but I just don't want toys anymore, so I get rid of them, right?
• 15:13
  SPEAKER_00: And then people say, Why did you get rid of them?
• 15:14
  SPEAKER_00: It could be worthwhile.
• 15:15
  SPEAKER_00: I don't care, they're just plastic, right?
• 15:18
  SPEAKER_00: And I don't want to be holding on to things that are just like this symbol of childhood.
• 15:24
  SPEAKER_00: I want to move on with my life and say, I want to be an adult.
• 15:27
  SPEAKER_00: And I think we can make little strides toward that in our society, and the more we do that, the more we're gonna be a strong family, strong community, strong nation, strong overall because we're not reliant on someone else to make us feel safe or stuck in childhood, someone give me a binky.
• 15:45
  SPEAKER_00: We can do it ourselves because we've been taught to.
• 15:52
  SPEAKER_00: Anyway, we could talk forever about this.
• 15:54
  SPEAKER_00: I'm sure I'll talk about it in future casts coming up, but um, if you have any questions or concerns, of course, lmftweaver at gmail.com.
• 16:03
  SPEAKER_00: But you have a good day.
• 16:07
  SPEAKER_00: Take care of yourself.