Latest / Deeply Well with Devi Brown / Unapologetic Self-Care with Angela Rye

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Unapologetic Self-Care with Angela Rye · Deeply Well with Devi Brown

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Speaker 1: M from grandmothers who whispered in their baby girl in
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Speaker 1: two fathers on dimly lit street corners, instructing young soldiers
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Speaker 1: to always keep their eyes open. You be queen, you
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Speaker 1: were fired. You will pass through centuries on the hands
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Speaker 1: of your daughters. They called you wisdom. Proverbs on the
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Speaker 1: backs of diamond eyed school children who growing into hymnals
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Speaker 1: recited by amethyst holding urban philosophers who recited neighborhood commandments
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Speaker 1: out of the windows of restored ALCHEMYO cheriots to keep
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Speaker 1: the warmth of their blood. Be wise, be smart, being black,
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Speaker 1: opal brown courts, bloodstone, and prayer. Be every form of
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Speaker 1: jim se King told, scribe, scribe, told son, son, told wife,
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Speaker 1: wife told her daughter, and daughter told the ass. This
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Speaker 1: is at the ancestors told me that you would come
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Speaker 1: to give wisdom of thousands. They said you would come
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Speaker 1: Dropping Dropping Gem. Hey, it's debbe Welcome to the Dropping
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Speaker 1: Gem's podcast. Are safe place to land for self discovery
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Speaker 1: and applying higher consciousness to our day to day life
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Speaker 1: in real time work in our process. That is what
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Speaker 1: we do here. And I'm so excited to have you
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Speaker 1: in this space and to have this conversation today. So
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Speaker 1: a couple of weeks ago, if you were on the internet,
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Speaker 1: if you're in the Instagram and TikTok or Twitter streets,
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Speaker 1: you might have seen my face more than normal. I
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Speaker 1: had a clip that went pretty viral that was all
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Speaker 1: about boundaries. You may have heard this. I'm not available
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Speaker 1: for anything that is not mutually beneficial, like nothing like
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Speaker 1: not in work, not in home, not in friendships. So
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Speaker 1: for me, I don't think I'm ever pouring for an
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Speaker 1: empty up because I say no all the time. I
2:04
Speaker 1: say no all the time, you know. And I'm also
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Speaker 1: not going to be moved by someone using tactics on
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Speaker 1: me that are usually coping mechanisms like guilt or people
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Speaker 1: pleasing or like let me ask you a few different ways.
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Speaker 1: I'm not available for that, and I'm not judging you
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Speaker 1: because that's the tools that you're pulling from. But it's
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Speaker 1: still no, and so be okay with that or not,
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Speaker 1: but it's okay for me. So when that happened a
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Speaker 1: few weeks ago, it ended up getting millions of views,
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Speaker 1: um so many shares, so many duets, which was really
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Speaker 1: fun to watch, But it also kind of caught me
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Speaker 1: by surprise. That was a clip that was a piece
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Speaker 1: of a bigger and beautiful conversation that I had with
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Speaker 1: my sister Angela Rye at an incredible event put on
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Speaker 1: by Black Love, the You Retreat, and that clip really
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Speaker 1: highlighted part of the conversation that we were in about
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Speaker 1: boundaries and being able to set boundaries that really honor
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Speaker 1: us and honor the way that we live our lives
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Speaker 1: and the things that we want to do for ourselves.
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Speaker 1: And what was kind of cool is that, you know,
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Speaker 1: there's Yen and young and everything, so there's always going
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Speaker 1: to be duality and all of our experiences, there's always
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Speaker 1: going to be a little bit of light, a little
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Speaker 1: bit of dark, a little bit of connection, a little
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Speaker 1: bit of distance. You know, the opposites are always showing
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Speaker 1: themselves and all the things, and that was no different
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Speaker 1: with this clip. And so in this clip I saw
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Speaker 1: on one side a tremendous response of women really feeling
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Speaker 1: that this was a call to action for themselves to
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Speaker 1: release that false programming of martyrdom, to release that false
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Speaker 1: programming of you know, laying yourself on the sword instead
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Speaker 1: of just us using our words and creating boundaries and
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Speaker 1: creating the way in which we want to be experienced
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Speaker 1: and experienced. And then on the other side of it,
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Speaker 1: there were a lot of people that were triggered by it,
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Speaker 1: and I noticed that that clip brought up to really
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Speaker 1: specific things. On one end, I think for people that
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Speaker 1: perhaps their trauma influence them to be more in manipulative patterning,
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Speaker 1: um more emotional, repressed and unregulated patterning, I saw that
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Speaker 1: there was some anger at that clip that that was
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Speaker 1: interpreted as selfishness or it was interpreted as you know,
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Speaker 1: and against us to what maybe someone wanted another person
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Speaker 1: to do for them. And then I also noticed that
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Speaker 1: for those that maybe are not used to using their
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Speaker 1: voices yet, that clip felt triggering and it felt scary,
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Speaker 1: and it felt like this goes against everything I've trained
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Speaker 1: myself to believe on how I can act, on how
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Speaker 1: I can be in my giving and my love and
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Speaker 1: my service, and so you know, no one is right
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Speaker 1: or wrong. But I found all of it really really interesting,
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Speaker 1: so grateful for the dialogue that it enabled for people,
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Speaker 1: and uh for those that really connected with it as
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Speaker 1: a way to grow and transform, I'm so happy for you.
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Speaker 1: I'm so happy for you. Learning boundaries is the greatest
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Speaker 1: gift I have ever given myself, and I can say
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Speaker 1: it with that much strength and not much intention because
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Speaker 1: I really earned the ability to choose myself. I earned
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Speaker 1: the ability to stop betraying myself, and it was really
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Speaker 1: hard work to get there. And I think sometimes when
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Speaker 1: we see people in their strength, perhaps that part isn't
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Speaker 1: spoken to enough. You know, we're all born with it,
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Speaker 1: We're all born whole, We're all born enough. We're all
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Speaker 1: born really connected to our dharma and our deepest truth
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Speaker 1: and our power and our gifts, and then circumstances and
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Speaker 1: experience can sometimes strip us of those things, and it
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Speaker 1: takes us very often our whole lives to get back,
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Speaker 1: to get back to our innate goodness, our innate specialness,
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Speaker 1: our innate majesty and sovereignty. But I'm there now and
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Speaker 1: I'm so happy to be there, and so I'll continue
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Speaker 1: to say things like that and probably many more things.
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Speaker 1: So let's get into the meat of this episode. Well,
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Speaker 1: as I was sharing with you a little while ago,
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Speaker 1: there was this incredible event put on by Cody Elaine Oliver,
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Speaker 1: the creator of Black Love, And I know so many
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Speaker 1: of us have been so inspired and so loving the
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Speaker 1: powerful content that Black Love has been putting out over
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Speaker 1: the last few years, from their show on own, to
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Speaker 1: their wildly popular Instagram page, to their app, the Black
6:40
Speaker 1: Love App. Yes, they have an app. So the audio
6:43
Speaker 1: you're hearing today is actually a video that you can
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Speaker 1: watch the full conversation and many others from this day
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Speaker 1: on their app Black Love and the iOS store. And
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Speaker 1: this was the You Retreat. So the You Retreat was
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Speaker 1: this really incredible event that was thrown in l A
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Speaker 1: and my sis Angela and I did a talk at
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Speaker 1: that event specifically around sisterhood, specifically around showing up in
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Speaker 1: powerful adult friendships. You know, there there are so many
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Speaker 1: things that we didn't get a guide book on. We
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Speaker 1: didn't get a guide book from society, which very often
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Speaker 1: gaslights us for its own capitalistic games um and very
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Speaker 1: often for some of us, we didn't get a guide
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Speaker 1: book from our families on how to have and grow
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Speaker 1: and create meaningful relationships, how to have relationships that are
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Speaker 1: not codependent, that are us in our power and our
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Speaker 1: strengths and our expanse of love, um, and how to
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Speaker 1: have supportive and authentic, authentic, authentic relationships with one another.
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Speaker 1: And so that's what she and I talked about. Angela
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Speaker 1: and I are We have such a beautiful soul connection
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Speaker 1: and something I love about our friendship is that we
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Speaker 1: have the space to be our full selves and even
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Speaker 1: on the days that we aren't perfect, which is all
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Speaker 1: the days because we're all just human, we have a
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Speaker 1: lot of grace for each other and we have conversations
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Speaker 1: around things, and you know, knowing one another has been
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Speaker 1: a big expander for both of us. It's been a
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Speaker 1: big gift to both of us. And so we talked
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Speaker 1: about that in this episode, and we shared that at
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Speaker 1: the retreat and it was so beautiful tapping into that
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Speaker 1: authentic power and that self care in that way. So
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Speaker 1: this event was designed and curated by Black Love to
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Speaker 1: uplift ourselves while uplifting our sisters with the theme of sisterhoods.
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Speaker 1: So these you retreat conversations are going to help you
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Speaker 1: and you're healing, really getting into high gear and jump
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Speaker 1: start your journey to peace, to clarity to the deepest
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Speaker 1: part of you. And it really, you know, it really
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Speaker 1: reminded me of that meme that that we've seen over
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Speaker 1: the last few years about you know, queens fixing each
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Speaker 1: other's crowns. So that is this conversation, and I want
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Speaker 1: to say huge thank you to Cody Laying Oliver for
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Speaker 1: connecting us at this event, for inviting us to hold
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Speaker 1: this space, uh, and for then sharing this audio and
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Speaker 1: allowing me to share it with you. It's a really
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Speaker 1: powerful conversation and again you can watch it on video
9:07
Speaker 1: and the Black Love app. They're also gonna have these
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Speaker 1: available as a four part podcast series and their audio space. Uh.
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Speaker 1: And that you retreat if you get a chance to
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Speaker 1: go next year. Highly HILLYHILLI Hill, highly highly recommend. So,
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Speaker 1: without further ado, this is the conversation between my sister
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Speaker 1: Queen Angela right and myself talking about self care, talking
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Speaker 1: about sisterhood, talking about friendship at the Black Love You Retreat.
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Speaker 1: Thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you. Whatever side
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Speaker 1: do you feel energetically charged? The energy feels good here? Okay,
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Speaker 1: good Hi, everybody, good afternoon. Don't sound nice and happy
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Speaker 1: with those smiling eyes? I see smile and I I
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Speaker 1: am so pleased to share this stage with you today, Sis.
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Speaker 1: I know, I'm so excited to be here with you
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Speaker 1: in this way because something that that Angela and I
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Speaker 1: were actually talking about just now is a thing that
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Speaker 1: is not shown enough, especially in communities of color, is
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Speaker 1: the joy and the ease within which we experience our
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Speaker 1: friendships and ourselves, you know, and I think so often
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Speaker 1: when womanhood, when friendship is shown in the media, on television,
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Speaker 1: especially in the way our last ten years of television
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Speaker 1: have looked, it's all about betrayal. It's all about all
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Speaker 1: of the ways that we silently and in big ways
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Speaker 1: betray ourselves and betray other people. Or the ways that
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Speaker 1: you actually can't be safe with another person because information
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Speaker 1: is used against you, someone is dissecting you. Every way
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Speaker 1: that friendship is often shown, even on social media, it's
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Speaker 1: about quantifying something. It's about, oh, I'm gonna pay with
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Speaker 1: this person, and so I want your perception to be
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Speaker 1: of me and my friendships that were like this. And
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Speaker 1: you know, even the way that we've all been taking
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Speaker 1: photos on social media over the last really five to
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Speaker 1: ten years, of the looks of like, okay, we're having
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Speaker 1: a good time, all the photos that we do like that,
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Speaker 1: like I don't want to see my duck face. It
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Speaker 1: is so wrong. It is not blessed every everything about you. Yeah,
11:27
Speaker 1: but you think you said upstairs too though, And I
11:29
Speaker 1: think this is a good I know y'all have been
11:31
Speaker 1: around each other a little while today, but DEVI said,
11:35
Speaker 1: we were. I was like, we don't really need these prompts.
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Speaker 1: She was like, no, I want to tell you why
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Speaker 1: I love you. And I was like, oh, so, I
11:39
Speaker 1: do want us to do that. But before we tell
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Speaker 1: each other in front of you all why we love
11:43
Speaker 1: each other. I do want you to turn to your sister, Kira.
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Speaker 1: I want you to turn to your sister and say
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Speaker 1: I love you because and give them a reason. And
11:53
Speaker 1: if it's someone that you don't know, maybe share a
11:55
Speaker 1: beautiful complimentary And I hadn't already started talking. They loved
11:58
Speaker 1: each other all night. I don't we're good. Look look
12:02
Speaker 1: at them. She turned all the way around. It's away
12:05
Speaker 1: right here. I love that. I love that. I love that. Okay,
12:16
Speaker 1: y'all come back because Devid gotta leave, So come ahead,
12:19
Speaker 1: come back, come back, come back. We feel the love
12:26
Speaker 1: Devide gotta leave. And hey, sisters, you're coming back now.
12:35
Speaker 1: That's good, I said, she did at one eight and
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Speaker 1: she got something to say. That's good, Debbie, I love
12:41
Speaker 1: you because um from the first moment I met you.
12:45
Speaker 1: From Leonard Leonardo Charlottaigne from the breakfast club and we
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Speaker 1: share him as a brother. I don't know if you're
12:49
Speaker 1: laughing because you think he's hilarious, but he is. And
12:54
Speaker 1: but from the first moment, it always felt like you
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Speaker 1: were my sister too, Um, and just like the it
13:00
Speaker 1: wasn't the first moment with Lenar, but it probably took
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Speaker 1: a week, you know. And you've always been so consistent
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Speaker 1: and deeply concerned about our well being. And so even today,
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Speaker 1: you know, coming in, You're like, you good, and I'm like, yeah,
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Speaker 1: it's been hectic, more in from the airport, but I'm like,
13:15
Speaker 1: I gotta be good because we get to share this
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Speaker 1: space together, and that is sometimes rare. You don't always
13:19
Speaker 1: get to have this, especially in the middle of a pandemic.
13:22
Speaker 1: All were losing each other. And not only have you
13:24
Speaker 1: been physically well and here in a presence in my life.
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Speaker 1: The fact that we could get so much closer in
13:30
Speaker 1: a pandemic when people are socially distant, I'm so grateful
13:33
Speaker 1: for that. So I love you dearly. Thank you girl,
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Speaker 1: Thank you, thank you, thank you. So we actually got
13:41
Speaker 1: set up our friendship. We had a blind date almost
13:45
Speaker 1: Um and our mutual brother, Leonard. He was just like
13:49
Speaker 1: you got like and it happens for a long time too,
13:52
Speaker 1: but we just had never we all were living in
13:55
Speaker 1: different places. But He's just like, no, you guys like
13:58
Speaker 1: you guys will love each other. And then when we
14:01
Speaker 1: finally got together, it was like, oh, it's a round.
14:03
Speaker 1: Oh we go together, like this is who in our
14:07
Speaker 1: cause Tupac Choper by the way, so be clear, you
14:11
Speaker 1: knows a couple of versions of it. Thanks to about that.
14:17
Speaker 1: But you know what I love about you, like you
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Speaker 1: are to me, you are like a gentle warrior. You know,
14:24
Speaker 1: you're somebody that is in the world fighting on our
14:27
Speaker 1: behalf all the time. And I think what people when
14:30
Speaker 1: you're someone who's as beautiful as you, as eloquent as you,
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Speaker 1: as educated as you, it screams ease because you're a mastery.
14:37
Speaker 1: But I think most people don't understand the depth of
14:42
Speaker 1: the heaviness, like how much energetically that actually takes to
14:46
Speaker 1: fight in that way for a global population and to
14:50
Speaker 1: fight with people that are literally trying to take rights
14:54
Speaker 1: from other human beings. You know, Like it's not just
14:57
Speaker 1: like I got yes, it's the dramas, like know, you
15:00
Speaker 1: are like doing God's work on in service and on
15:03
Speaker 1: behalf of people, and then in that same vein, you
15:06
Speaker 1: still managed to be so deeply present and caring and
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Speaker 1: loving to the people closest in your life farthest in
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Speaker 1: your life. I don't ever see you not doing for people,
15:16
Speaker 1: are not thinking, you know what, can we send that
15:18
Speaker 1: to this? Can we do? You know? It's like you
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Speaker 1: you just have this gorgeous way of being so strong
15:24
Speaker 1: and so soft at the same time. And I really
15:27
Speaker 1: see that in you, and I love that about you
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Speaker 1: so much. Sank it's a mirror she You can't be
15:32
Speaker 1: hard around Debby, like it's it's gonna melt. I'm sure
15:35
Speaker 1: y'all are sitting here right now. That love that you
15:37
Speaker 1: were able to spread to your sister is because she
15:40
Speaker 1: oozes that like she walked up and you're like, you
15:41
Speaker 1: know what, I don't feel like I want to fight
15:43
Speaker 1: nobody an you know, think mystery. Yeah, but you know,
15:48
Speaker 1: and I think the thing too that I would love
15:51
Speaker 1: to speak to today with everyone. It's like someone and
15:53
Speaker 1: I know so many people in this audience and we
15:55
Speaker 1: just saw it like you have rich, deep relationship with self,
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Speaker 1: relationship with others, or your heart is open and expanded
16:03
Speaker 1: to being a space of calling that in and and
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Speaker 1: meeting your needs and all the ways that you need to.
16:08
Speaker 1: And I think in this moment in time we get
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Speaker 1: to completely there is so much freedom available to us
16:15
Speaker 1: and how we can be. And the pandemic was such
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Speaker 1: a divine reset for that. And not to say it
16:20
Speaker 1: wasn't challenging. And I think all of us walked away
16:22
Speaker 1: with stories and new layers of ourselves, new rawness, you know.
16:28
Speaker 1: But in that, in the coming out of that, we
16:30
Speaker 1: actually got stripped of so much performance, you know, we
16:33
Speaker 1: got stripped of so many of the ways that we
16:35
Speaker 1: were actually people pleasing over exerting ourselves, not tending to self.
16:40
Speaker 1: And we get to come in now and completely redeveloped
16:43
Speaker 1: and redefine how we want to occupy space in the world,
16:47
Speaker 1: but how we how we want to occupy space with
16:49
Speaker 1: our friends. And that grouping got smaller, which is a
16:52
Speaker 1: great thing. It's not it's not necessarily something we have
16:55
Speaker 1: to sit and grieve. It's the natural flow of life
16:58
Speaker 1: and Instagram and following people. You follow people you met
17:01
Speaker 1: once ten years ago and now you're plugged into their
17:04
Speaker 1: life seven It's okay to say I need to move
17:08
Speaker 1: back and become more with a little less. You know,
17:12
Speaker 1: Debbie is um a great teacher. She is younger than me,
17:16
Speaker 1: but she has the wisdom of like Methuselah y'all know
17:19
Speaker 1: in the Bible. Yeah, about nine years old on the inside.
17:23
Speaker 1: And so um. You know, one of the things that
17:26
Speaker 1: I was thinking about right now, even as you were
17:28
Speaker 1: talking about the over exertion that we kind of ship
17:31
Speaker 1: um as a result of being in quarantine, is um
17:35
Speaker 1: one of the questions that I would get asked at
17:37
Speaker 1: like almost every college speech is what do you do
17:39
Speaker 1: for self care? And it's that started that question started
17:42
Speaker 1: feeling performative, like they're saying it because they know they should,
17:45
Speaker 1: because they saw it a better thread about it. But
17:48
Speaker 1: like with you, it's not self care is not like oh,
17:52
Speaker 1: you went to the Mandarin or to the Waldorf to
17:54
Speaker 1: get a massage. Like I really want you to tell
17:57
Speaker 1: folks about some of the things you do for self care,
17:59
Speaker 1: some of things where you were like you're exhausted, you
18:02
Speaker 1: have nothing left to give, Let me tell you what
18:03
Speaker 1: you need to do. And because I think that's an
18:05
Speaker 1: important part too, Like we have to have friends who
18:08
Speaker 1: are willing to coach us where we're deficient or where
18:10
Speaker 1: we have blind spots. That's so important. The mirror isn't
18:13
Speaker 1: always exact. Sometimes it's like, who is this? I see something?
18:16
Speaker 1: You know, like when you're from like you got something
18:17
Speaker 1: your teeth right, It's like, oh, you have a whole
18:20
Speaker 1: a whole area where you're you can't give anything else
18:23
Speaker 1: because there's nothing left. Yeah, And to go deeper in
18:26
Speaker 1: our friendship, and to go deeper in ourselves, like you
18:29
Speaker 1: have to be willing to be what was that you get?
18:32
Speaker 1: You said such a beautiful quote earlier when we were
18:34
Speaker 1: talking about being naked and get not a shame in
18:37
Speaker 1: the Bible, like being naked and not a shame Sunday, Well, well,
18:44
Speaker 1: being naked and not a shame with each other. You know.
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Speaker 1: It's like, and I think that's a great place of
18:49
Speaker 1: inquisition to be in if we feel like our friends
18:52
Speaker 1: maybe aren't showing up for us enough, or if we
18:54
Speaker 1: feel like, why haven't I found my tribe? Why am
18:57
Speaker 1: I not having a relationship in the way that I'm
18:59
Speaker 1: seeing their people have it? It's also well, how open
19:02
Speaker 1: is your heart? How many expectations are being thrust onto
19:06
Speaker 1: someone else that we haven't necessarily looked at, well, am
19:10
Speaker 1: I even meeting that need? And then also like how
19:14
Speaker 1: how willing to be exposed? Are you? How willing to
19:18
Speaker 1: be your full self and be witnessed by another? Are you?
19:22
Speaker 1: You know? And so it's like being able to be
19:24
Speaker 1: in that being able to be tools of refinement, you know.
19:27
Speaker 1: I think something with us is like early in our friendship.
19:30
Speaker 1: We all have different styles being because we all have
19:33
Speaker 1: different experiences, and so it's like I may be fast
19:37
Speaker 1: in one way, you may be slow in one way.
19:39
Speaker 1: You may be super fast in one way, I may
19:41
Speaker 1: be slower in the other. And so being open enough
19:43
Speaker 1: to say, oh, well, this is how I make plans,
19:46
Speaker 1: How do you make plans? How what kind of notice
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Speaker 1: do you need or what kind of you know? And
19:50
Speaker 1: just being able to say, girl, I want to be
19:53
Speaker 1: able to see you every chance I can get. But
19:55
Speaker 1: I have a child, so I cannot do anything on
19:57
Speaker 1: the fly, and I need to make sure this And
19:59
Speaker 1: there's just okay, God is very organized, I'm very nat
20:02
Speaker 1: So let's just be clear. The way that it normally
20:05
Speaker 1: goes down is Debbie's way. And it's not that's not shade.
20:08
Speaker 1: It's just it's so funny because It's like, oh yeah,
20:10
Speaker 1: that makes sense right, and I'm like I'm out here, like, girl,
20:12
Speaker 1: what you doing? In fifteen minutes? We did do We
20:16
Speaker 1: did do a new moon um thing. That was she
20:19
Speaker 1: told me earlier in the day. She was like, you
20:21
Speaker 1: need to come over and I was like, I'm not
20:22
Speaker 1: doing that. I'm tired, honest, I'm just telling you all
20:25
Speaker 1: my businesses we just have about naked and not a shame.
20:27
Speaker 1: I just had a hemorrhoid actomy. How about that. I
20:29
Speaker 1: am forty one years old. That is such a seventy
20:31
Speaker 1: eight year old things. That is literally what happens. I
20:34
Speaker 1: was like, my butt hurts, I'm not going over there,
20:37
Speaker 1: and then like two hours later, I was like, I
20:39
Speaker 1: do think I need to go over there. So Debbie
20:41
Speaker 1: has like, you know, this whole thing, and it's just
20:44
Speaker 1: like it normally is her way and it's not like nominearing.
20:47
Speaker 1: You know, black women especially we have a way of
20:49
Speaker 1: getting things. Then you find yourself doing Debbie's way and
20:52
Speaker 1: you didn't even know it, Like she just sneak away.
20:55
Speaker 1: You're like, you know what, we're doing this exactly how
20:57
Speaker 1: she wanted it to be. But that's okay. Now my again,
21:01
Speaker 1: but it's also the flow of seasons, right, Like, I'm
21:03
Speaker 1: in a season where I have a toddler child, so
21:05
Speaker 1: my life, you know, my focus is keeping him alive
21:08
Speaker 1: and then he gets to an age where he can
21:10
Speaker 1: feed himself, and you know, but it's like even surrendering
21:13
Speaker 1: to the flow of what season is our friendship and
21:15
Speaker 1: she needs a little more help and time in this
21:17
Speaker 1: way cool this season, It'll be her way next season.
21:21
Speaker 1: Maybe I'm telling y'all, she's the organized one. It's really
21:24
Speaker 1: Nat Shade. It's like, thank God for the friends amonga
21:27
Speaker 1: us who keep everything together like Superwoman over here. But
21:30
Speaker 1: let well, speaking of Superwoman and your schedule, you know,
21:33
Speaker 1: it's like you're somebody that is doing so much deep
21:36
Speaker 1: work in the world, and like last night you were
21:38
Speaker 1: in New York. This morning you are here and you're
21:41
Speaker 1: in this room. You know, why, what did you tell
21:43
Speaker 1: me about this session? She don't remember. Let me tell y'all.
21:48
Speaker 1: So Debby was like, where we're doing this. We're doing this,
21:53
Speaker 1: which is and she was like, we get to talk
21:54
Speaker 1: about our friendship. We're doing this. I was like, we're
21:56
Speaker 1: doing this. Checked the text history. I don't think it
22:00
Speaker 1: wasn't bad I don't really like the way that I'm
22:03
Speaker 1: being portrayed. I'm sorry, I really do. I mean it
22:06
Speaker 1: positively because I'm the person that will be like, we
22:09
Speaker 1: have to do such and such and so, and it's
22:11
Speaker 1: it sounds domineering. I wish I could do it just
22:14
Speaker 1: like embody. This you all, this is how we're going
22:16
Speaker 1: to be in flow today, and when you get off
22:18
Speaker 1: this planet needs to flow into this session that we're
22:21
Speaker 1: It's not bad. I know. I love myself. Yeah, come
22:28
Speaker 1: on too, let's talk about self care. Yes, so with
22:39
Speaker 1: your schedule. You know, it's like something that I thought
22:42
Speaker 1: was so beautiful to come to know about you early
22:44
Speaker 1: in our friendship was how diligent your soul care is.
22:49
Speaker 1: You know, you have deep practice with yourself. You are
22:52
Speaker 1: somebody that is so deeply embodied and you have use
22:56
Speaker 1: of so many tools. And I think because so much
22:58
Speaker 1: of your career is really about the warrior, and it
23:02
Speaker 1: really is about like the legality of things, it's about politics,
23:06
Speaker 1: you don't get to share as much those other facets
23:09
Speaker 1: that are really prominent features of who you are. But
23:12
Speaker 1: I remember, like the first time I went to your house,
23:14
Speaker 1: you got a whole temple. You got a whole you know,
23:16
Speaker 1: you have a whole area that is like your church.
23:19
Speaker 1: It is your restoration place. It is deeply spiritual and beautiful,
23:23
Speaker 1: and so I would I would love for you to share,
23:25
Speaker 1: like what is your self care? Like how do you
23:27
Speaker 1: pouran to you? Especially when you're coming off of one
23:30
Speaker 1: of those things where you're going tote to toe with
23:32
Speaker 1: someone about human rights? You know, well, thankfully I don't
23:36
Speaker 1: have to do that kind of battle as much anymore.
23:38
Speaker 1: Like my CNN contract ended in January, and as hard
23:42
Speaker 1: as that was for me because it was so entrenched
23:44
Speaker 1: in my identity, it was one of the most free
23:47
Speaker 1: things that could have happened. And I really don't know
23:50
Speaker 1: if you realize how much your own practices have shaped mine.
23:54
Speaker 1: I asked her questions about everything, and so that I
23:58
Speaker 1: really want to make sure you unders saying that, and
24:00
Speaker 1: how important that's been to me, and how blessed I
24:03
Speaker 1: am to be able to have access to you. Now,
24:04
Speaker 1: Please do not have your eyes water and um, but really,
24:09
Speaker 1: she's Debbie. You're such a very special soul, and I
24:13
Speaker 1: feel so blessed that you have opened up your home
24:16
Speaker 1: and your heart to me in the ways that you
24:17
Speaker 1: have because you don't have to. Um, I've been on
24:21
Speaker 1: like a long journey. I have a holistic therapist named
24:24
Speaker 1: Yaddi who I can't wait for the two of them
24:26
Speaker 1: to meet too, because I know that's going to be
24:27
Speaker 1: a divine connection as well. But Yeaddy was telling me
24:31
Speaker 1: two sessions ago, she said, do you remember when you
24:33
Speaker 1: would tell me you didn't have an hour to give
24:35
Speaker 1: yourself every day? And I was like, no, of course,
24:38
Speaker 1: I don't remember, what do you mean? But she was
24:40
Speaker 1: saying that I would be, you know, so in my work,
24:43
Speaker 1: you know, fifteen hour days, fully depleted. Naga knows you
24:46
Speaker 1: would be on the road and I'm like, I don't.
24:48
Speaker 1: Maybe we have time to do our mindfulness cards. We
24:51
Speaker 1: would pull a card and like read and try to reset.
24:54
Speaker 1: It was hard, you know, it was really hard. I
24:56
Speaker 1: think being in l A, being around you, talking to
24:59
Speaker 1: Lena art Um, having Yati like written my best friendly
25:03
Speaker 1: and Thatta, like having folks who were just there to
25:06
Speaker 1: model even when I won't listen. Is that see that
25:09
Speaker 1: gets planted in there? At some point You're like, you
25:10
Speaker 1: know what, I actually do feel a lot better, Queen Afa.
25:13
Speaker 1: I don't know if you're are familiar with her like
25:15
Speaker 1: really being like, you know what I do need to
25:18
Speaker 1: reset and do some things and you'll break things. And
25:21
Speaker 1: I'm like, man, I never considered that I love and
25:24
Speaker 1: thank you for saying that. Thank you for saying everything
25:26
Speaker 1: that she said. Um, that's what I think is important
25:29
Speaker 1: about how we treat self care. Like right now the
25:32
Speaker 1: wellness industry, it's it's very on trend, like it's for
25:36
Speaker 1: the first time really having the moment in the sun
25:40
Speaker 1: that it should, right, Like, caring about ourselves should not
25:43
Speaker 1: be something that has just coming to the mainstream in
25:45
Speaker 1: this way, but something that ministry now, right that mistry
25:50
Speaker 1: and people like, what do you mean, right? But do
25:53
Speaker 1: you sleep when you're dead? I just hustle? Yeah, that's
25:55
Speaker 1: real actually said in the community, right. Yes, I used
25:58
Speaker 1: to say that. I used to be like, oh, yeah,
26:00
Speaker 1: I worked eighteen hours yesterday. Look at me, and it's
26:03
Speaker 1: I would never know what. I would never do that
26:05
Speaker 1: to myself. But you know, I think was as we're
26:09
Speaker 1: evolving in this understanding, because we're actually giving ourselves permission
26:13
Speaker 1: to care about ourselves fully and to pour into ourselves
26:16
Speaker 1: without this whole path of forced resilience that we were
26:20
Speaker 1: all on. We were in this wheel of resilience and
26:23
Speaker 1: this wheel of self denial and didn't realize it because
26:27
Speaker 1: we were all programmed to be martyrs since human inception,
26:31
Speaker 1: you know, the role of the woman. We were subjugated
26:34
Speaker 1: to this idea of martyrdom and that anything for us,
26:36
Speaker 1: anything that was not nurturance for another, was selfish, you know.
26:41
Speaker 1: And so now we're understanding that our needs deserve to
26:44
Speaker 1: be met. They can be met. But it's also important
26:46
Speaker 1: to find like a self care that you can actually deeply,
26:49
Speaker 1: regularly honor yourself with. And that's not you know, it's
26:53
Speaker 1: like yeah, on Instagram, it's like, oh, I went to
26:55
Speaker 1: the spa today and cool. If that feels nourishing to you, do,
27:00
Speaker 1: you know, especially if there is a fear of prosperity
27:03
Speaker 1: or a freer of abundance, then lean into gifting those
27:07
Speaker 1: things to yourself. But for the most part, self care
27:10
Speaker 1: is me spending two hours every day once my son
27:13
Speaker 1: goes to sleep prioritizing myself, which means what matters more
27:18
Speaker 1: to me binge watching something or pouring into my body,
27:20
Speaker 1: mind and soul because I know I really need that
27:23
Speaker 1: and I'm not functioning at the level I deserve to
27:26
Speaker 1: if I don't. Okay, so mindless TV, let me put
27:29
Speaker 1: it off and let me not do that on most nights,
27:32
Speaker 1: you know. And then I turn on like a beautiful
27:35
Speaker 1: music that doesn't have songs I'm super familiar with, because
27:39
Speaker 1: it's really important too, like sing along to your favorite
27:42
Speaker 1: songs to to bring enjoy, but put on music that
27:46
Speaker 1: you don't have memories tied to, so you can be
27:48
Speaker 1: in that space of meditation, so you can allow God
27:52
Speaker 1: to come into your life and speak to you if
27:54
Speaker 1: we're too busy singing along to something, or if we're
27:57
Speaker 1: too busy having every memory of oh my god, I
27:59
Speaker 1: was with my girl, oh when I did this, or
28:01
Speaker 1: oh that guy like you know it's like, or oh
28:04
Speaker 1: this was when I was in ninth grade. And it's
28:06
Speaker 1: so beautiful to reflect like that, but not in the
28:09
Speaker 1: midst of some of your deeper self care, because you
28:11
Speaker 1: need the freedom to be who you're becoming and not
28:15
Speaker 1: tied to all of those thoughts of the past, those memories.
28:18
Speaker 1: So like setting, I call it creating a container for yourself.
28:22
Speaker 1: So creating a sacred container around your experience. I set
28:25
Speaker 1: my container with music I personally love selection, which is
28:28
Speaker 1: on Apple Radio. It amazing, the best playlist. Yeah it's good. Yeah, um,
28:37
Speaker 1: but I put on selection and I stay until this
28:39
Speaker 1: mix in. It's me time. I buy things that honor
28:43
Speaker 1: my body, like I I'm someone that really likes to
28:46
Speaker 1: dig into like I do um gasha a lot on
28:49
Speaker 1: my face or I get like on Amazon they have
28:51
Speaker 1: these trigger point tools, little wooden tools. But this is
28:55
Speaker 1: ancient work and something that has worked for ages. Will
28:59
Speaker 1: all these work, you know? And so you think, I
29:02
Speaker 1: look like, what did ancient masters do in you know?
29:05
Speaker 1: What did what do they do in Chinese medicine? What
29:07
Speaker 1: do they do in Egypt? What were the tools and
29:09
Speaker 1: the rituals? Because those are still the ones that unlock
29:12
Speaker 1: us and bring us closer to God, now closer to ourselves.
29:15
Speaker 1: We don't need a middleman. It's cool to do luxury.
29:18
Speaker 1: I'd be out there retreats everything. I want everyone to come.
29:21
Speaker 1: It's necessary. But you can also do all of this
29:24
Speaker 1: for you just by saying I'm going to be with me,
29:28
Speaker 1: I'm gonna take this time with me. So I set
29:30
Speaker 1: that container. I might take a really like hot, hot,
29:34
Speaker 1: hot bath instead of a scoop of the epsom salts
29:37
Speaker 1: like they show us those little baby containers that they
29:39
Speaker 1: sell at the store. Go to Amazon. They have huge
29:44
Speaker 1: bags for way less money. And I use two giant,
29:48
Speaker 1: full size bags for each bath. Suck out the impurity,
29:52
Speaker 1: cleanse your energy, cleanse your cleanse your spirits. I literally
29:56
Speaker 1: got you. I had a big old bag and it
29:58
Speaker 1: was like grocery bag stuff and yes you have, yes,
30:07
Speaker 1: and use the entire bag of it. Used two of
30:10
Speaker 1: those bags, you know, And maybe don't do that every day,
30:12
Speaker 1: but like once a week, gift that to yourself. Say
30:14
Speaker 1: this is a fifteen dollar bath, you know. And I
30:17
Speaker 1: had and it was like two pounds tomorrow. And you
30:23
Speaker 1: looked at the bag and I was like, oh no,
30:25
Speaker 1: all of this is for one bath. This is going
30:27
Speaker 1: in one bath, you know. And then I like to
30:29
Speaker 1: pray over the water before I get in it. It's
30:31
Speaker 1: about reclaiming your sacredness, your holiness. It's about treating yourself
30:36
Speaker 1: as something sacred because you are. And so when I
30:39
Speaker 1: put everything in the bath and I closed my eyes
30:42
Speaker 1: and I just say this water, God, allow it to
30:44
Speaker 1: recharge me, allow it to film me, allow it to
30:47
Speaker 1: soften my heart, allow it to pull off the impurities
30:50
Speaker 1: of my day, allow it to bless me, to bring
30:52
Speaker 1: me closer to you. You know. Then you get in
30:54
Speaker 1: the water and then you just let it take you
30:56
Speaker 1: over and play the music you're into, plant medicine, smoke
31:00
Speaker 1: something if you're into wine, pour glass, have water. Whatever
31:05
Speaker 1: is your personal recipe for how you become most alive
31:09
Speaker 1: or going most deep. You know, I'm what I'm telling
31:12
Speaker 1: you right now is going to be your baseline. Then
31:14
Speaker 1: you add all your energetic seasoning on top of it,
31:17
Speaker 1: of what you know to be the tools that work
31:19
Speaker 1: for you. Take a bath, you know, then when you
31:22
Speaker 1: get out of the bath, I like to really spend time,
31:25
Speaker 1: even things that feel so small, um that we speed through,
31:29
Speaker 1: like lotioning our bodies, like you know how like um,
31:33
Speaker 1: you we make our own hair care products at home.
31:36
Speaker 1: You know, like you might create like a refresher spray,
31:38
Speaker 1: Like I have my little bottle that I'm a spray
31:40
Speaker 1: later refresh my curls well in that bottle. I also
31:43
Speaker 1: put drops of frankincense. I put drops of anointing oil.
31:47
Speaker 1: I you know, I send energy to the bottle and
31:49
Speaker 1: it creates a completely different experience. And just okay, let
31:52
Speaker 1: me do my hair It's like, now, let me anoint
31:54
Speaker 1: my crown, let me expand my crown, Let me open
31:58
Speaker 1: myself to all the pure potentiality of this moment, to
32:03
Speaker 1: the best possible outcomes, to the highest level of abundance
32:07
Speaker 1: to God. What are all the ways that I can
32:09
Speaker 1: be in service to that? So there are so many small,
32:12
Speaker 1: ritualistic ways that change everything about how we feel about
32:16
Speaker 1: ourselves in our lives, and it really takes so much
32:19
Speaker 1: less thought, less time, and less money than we imagine.
32:22
Speaker 1: We just have to be intentional of what do I
32:25
Speaker 1: want to cultivate in me? What are some qualities I
32:29
Speaker 1: want to bring forward in my life? What do I feel,
32:32
Speaker 1: with no judgment, that I just don't have enough of
32:34
Speaker 1: right now? Is it ease? Is it grace? Do I
32:37
Speaker 1: feel like maybe I'm getting too upset or too attached
32:41
Speaker 1: to outcomes? So then it's being intentional about saying I
32:47
Speaker 1: am investing this time and myself, I am calling an
32:49
Speaker 1: ease and grace into my life. It is speaking over
32:52
Speaker 1: yourself with sacredness and then giving yourself to the practice
32:57
Speaker 1: of allowing that to become real. She don't right, She's dope, right?
33:04
Speaker 1: So how important um? Debbie with all the practices, and
33:08
Speaker 1: I know y'all just learned something different about self care.
33:10
Speaker 1: You like that is a kind of a different definition
33:12
Speaker 1: and it feels more accessible, which is so important right
33:15
Speaker 1: now because there are a lot of tools that we
33:17
Speaker 1: both have access to. There aren't that cheat, Yes, but
33:20
Speaker 1: how important is it to you in addition to what
33:22
Speaker 1: you do at home for yourself, um, the other resources
33:27
Speaker 1: and tools you have access to your friendships, sisterhood, how
33:30
Speaker 1: important is that to your overall practices and rituals and
33:34
Speaker 1: self care. Uh? I think authentic sisterhood is just absolutely
33:39
Speaker 1: irreplaceable in my life. But I want to say, like,
33:42
Speaker 1: when I say authentic sisterhood, I don't mean having friends
33:46
Speaker 1: as essential to my life because truly it is not
33:48
Speaker 1: like I am a self oiled machine, you know, I
33:51
Speaker 1: I am deeply inside of myself. But when it's authentic,
33:56
Speaker 1: when we are naked in front of each other, when
33:59
Speaker 1: we are not performing. You know something I'm very clear
34:02
Speaker 1: about in my life and in my friendships, I don't
34:04
Speaker 1: want to perform for anyone ever. I don't want to
34:07
Speaker 1: feel like yeah, okay, like no, I need to be
34:11
Speaker 1: my full ground itself in every moment. I need to
34:13
Speaker 1: be able to be received as that. And I also
34:16
Speaker 1: don't want to be an audience for anybody, so I
34:19
Speaker 1: can't really carve out time for friendship with I can
34:24
Speaker 1: still love the people, but I can't leak my energy
34:28
Speaker 1: or give my time in a way that is required
34:32
Speaker 1: of me. Just witnessing a performance, witnessing someone not being
34:37
Speaker 1: their full selves. I can send love to it, I
34:41
Speaker 1: can be in non judgment of it, but I can't
34:43
Speaker 1: give my time to it. So authentic friendship the kind
34:46
Speaker 1: that refills you, like when you and I get together
34:48
Speaker 1: and it's just like we're on the couch like okay,
34:51
Speaker 1: so did it you know, or just like let's go
34:53
Speaker 1: soak in the sun for a second. You know, that
34:56
Speaker 1: is invaluable. One of the things that I have to
35:00
Speaker 1: go with in our friendship that I told her and
35:02
Speaker 1: I want you all to know, is um, I'm normally
35:05
Speaker 1: the person that is giving this point and it's overgiving.
35:08
Speaker 1: I can definitely acknowledge that too. So I've texted Debbie
35:11
Speaker 1: and I'm like, Debbie, I need to do something for you,
35:14
Speaker 1: Like she's poured so much of this room right now.
35:15
Speaker 1: I know you guys are like there's an overflowing you
35:18
Speaker 1: know that, like people pay a lot of money to
35:21
Speaker 1: get like I just had a self care workshop basically
35:23
Speaker 1: in five minutes, right, you just learned a lot, and
35:26
Speaker 1: so you feel like I want to dis reciprocate. I
35:29
Speaker 1: want to give back, And Debbie's like, don't where your
35:32
Speaker 1: time is coming? You know, but it's it's a beautiful
35:35
Speaker 1: thing because you are such a giver and it it
35:38
Speaker 1: doesn't feel like, um, you tapped out as a result
35:42
Speaker 1: of it. How do you ensure that part? Right? Is it?
35:45
Speaker 1: Is it because you know that you take time to
35:48
Speaker 1: fill up, so you're not pouring out of an empty vessel,
35:50
Speaker 1: which is the thing that really makes us feel depleted.
35:53
Speaker 1: Is it something else? How do you ensure that there
35:55
Speaker 1: is reciprocity in your relationships and you're not just being
35:59
Speaker 1: you know, drain into all of that beautiful energy. Thank
36:02
Speaker 1: you for that question, because I think the way I
36:05
Speaker 1: experienced it now is I'm not available for anything that
36:11
Speaker 1: is not mutually beneficial, like nothing like not in work,
36:16
Speaker 1: not in home, not in friendships. So for me, I
36:20
Speaker 1: don't think I'm ever pouring for an empty cup because
36:22
Speaker 1: I say no all the time. I say no all
36:26
Speaker 1: the time, you know, And I'm also not going to
36:29
Speaker 1: be moved by someone using tactics on me that are
36:32
Speaker 1: usually coping mechanisms like guilt or people pleasing or like
36:36
Speaker 1: let me ask you a few different ways. I'm not
36:38
Speaker 1: available for that. And I'm not judging you because that's
36:41
Speaker 1: the tools that you're pulling from, but it's still no.
36:45
Speaker 1: And so be okay with that or not. But it's
36:47
Speaker 1: okay for me, you know. And so I think I
36:51
Speaker 1: just as a whole, you know, what you're speaking to
36:54
Speaker 1: is so it's so interesting to hear you say and
36:56
Speaker 1: it's so funny when you text that to be or
36:58
Speaker 1: said that to me, because I'm like, your energy is enough,
37:03
Speaker 1: your being is enough. There's not a doing that you
37:05
Speaker 1: have to do for me. I'm sure I'm going to
37:07
Speaker 1: need something, you know, many things over our lifelong friendship
37:11
Speaker 1: that will have, you know, but this idea that it
37:13
Speaker 1: has to be Okay, you did this for me, let
37:15
Speaker 1: me do this for you. That's not full reciprocity. That
37:18
Speaker 1: that is an exchange, it's a transaction, but reciprocity is
37:22
Speaker 1: like we have our hearts open to each other, you know,
37:25
Speaker 1: and I know that when I need you, you're there,
37:27
Speaker 1: and vice versa. And this may be the season that
37:30
Speaker 1: you need to learn to receive because so many of
37:34
Speaker 1: us as women are turned off to receptive flow. You know,
37:39
Speaker 1: it is this idea of even even what you said,
37:41
Speaker 1: part of that is a coping mechanism, this idea of
37:44
Speaker 1: can I trust that it's this safe for me? No,
37:47
Speaker 1: let me give back, let me earn it, let me
37:49
Speaker 1: do this, Like we have all been brainwashed to think
37:52
Speaker 1: that we have to earn love, that we have to
37:54
Speaker 1: earn kindness, that we have to earn respect, And it's
37:57
Speaker 1: like or that we have to perform, you know, to
38:00
Speaker 1: get something back, or we have to do and give
38:03
Speaker 1: and learning receptivity, like it's part of the path of
38:06
Speaker 1: divine femininity, like coming into your majesty, like coming into
38:11
Speaker 1: your sovereign, to your radiance, and you attract that because
38:15
Speaker 1: of how worthy you are, Like you attract that in people,
38:19
Speaker 1: and you overgive so often like you you know the
38:22
Speaker 1: other thing though, like I think, um, and I don't
38:25
Speaker 1: know if you all have this for your your friends,
38:27
Speaker 1: whether they have online presence or not. But I also
38:30
Speaker 1: feel very protective of you, so I don't know that
38:33
Speaker 1: all I know that I have an overgiving problem. So
38:35
Speaker 1: I'm acknowledge that again. But yes, it is. But I'm like,
38:40
Speaker 1: I don't. I don't want you to be tapped out
38:44
Speaker 1: from the people who love you and are here to
38:46
Speaker 1: kind of help. Don't. Okay, Yeah, I'm not tapped out
38:49
Speaker 1: because again, I don't take I don't take on anything
38:52
Speaker 1: unless I actually want to. How do you say so
38:54
Speaker 1: called to it nicely? I don't say it nicely. Yeah,
39:02
Speaker 1: it's And I think that's so important for us to know.
39:04
Speaker 1: I don't have to frame because even that's manipulation, right, Like,
39:08
Speaker 1: that's me manipulating because I'm trying to still get you
39:11
Speaker 1: to perceive me in such a way even when I'm
39:15
Speaker 1: doing something, you know, when I'm telling you know to something,
39:18
Speaker 1: and it's just I can't. I feel like her no
39:21
Speaker 1: sounds so much nicer than mine. So I was really
39:23
Speaker 1: trying to get another gym like, well, you know too.
39:28
Speaker 1: It's it's I also don't have the expectation that I'm
39:32
Speaker 1: gonna take on any energy because of what you've said.
39:35
Speaker 1: My answer is no. If you're okay with that, wonderful
39:40
Speaker 1: for the both of us. If you're not okay with that,
39:42
Speaker 1: I'm also not judging you for not being okay with that.
39:45
Speaker 1: I'm not mad at you. I'm not feeling triggered because
39:47
Speaker 1: you're mad I'm not doing something for you. It's still no,
39:50
Speaker 1: you know, and so and that's all okay, And perhaps
39:53
Speaker 1: you can sit with that no, and you'll come into
39:56
Speaker 1: peace with it in the timing that you're supposed to.
39:58
Speaker 1: But none of it is my responsibility, you know. And
40:01
Speaker 1: so I think I don't. I actually do not at
40:06
Speaker 1: all feel overburdened or overwhelmed by giving at all. Um,
40:11
Speaker 1: I give what I can, and then I also feel
40:15
Speaker 1: really recharged by God. So I'm doing so much for myself.
40:19
Speaker 1: Like even when we talk about the self care. Yeah,
40:22
Speaker 1: that tool that I mentioned that you can get on Amazon.
40:24
Speaker 1: I gotta share this online. It's this five dollar tool.
40:27
Speaker 1: What I do. I get out of the bath, my
40:28
Speaker 1: body is hot and warm. I sit, I closed my eyes.
40:31
Speaker 1: I listened to my body. What hurts? I send whatever
40:35
Speaker 1: is aching or hurting love that moment. So I might
40:38
Speaker 1: get that little wooden tool and just start working my neck.
40:41
Speaker 1: Get one of the Gasha tools and just start. You
40:44
Speaker 1: know a great thing to distress that everyone could do today.
40:48
Speaker 1: Use your fingers pressure point in the center of where
40:51
Speaker 1: your jaw connects. Do you feel how it feels a
40:53
Speaker 1: little fleshy there and you're kind of like, oh, I
40:55
Speaker 1: didn't even know that hurt? And then go like this
40:58
Speaker 1: back and forth, really deep deep with your fingers and
41:05
Speaker 1: then stretch your mouth, let it pop. That don't feel good?
41:10
Speaker 1: It will do? And when you stop release, what does
41:14
Speaker 1: that mean? If it hurts real bad? It means you
41:16
Speaker 1: got to release? Yeah, that we hold so much stress
41:20
Speaker 1: intention here? Does it hurt you? Guys? And moments like
41:26
Speaker 1: that just to just to finish our peace off is
41:29
Speaker 1: how we report in ourselves so that we are replenished.
41:32
Speaker 1: You know, It's like you're actually checking into your body,
41:35
Speaker 1: your stress points, you're checking into your spirit, your heart,
41:39
Speaker 1: and you're in tune with how much do I actually
41:41
Speaker 1: have to give? That helps inform that that really, like
41:45
Speaker 1: that hurts? Can I fine? So I nothing. Today's world,
41:53
Speaker 1: I feel like self care is really silent activities that
41:57
Speaker 1: are separate from being practices. Well, what are your tips
42:05
Speaker 1: to kind of get that self care mindset from sittle
42:11
Speaker 1: to just reframing it to this is normal everyday thing
42:15
Speaker 1: and it's not like a bath that we're doing or
42:19
Speaker 1: journaling our meditation. How can we fully integrate self care
42:24
Speaker 1: into our lives? Who where we're not even titling it
42:27
Speaker 1: care anymore? I love that question, Thank you. It's it's
42:30
Speaker 1: about creating a daily practice, which is self care. And
42:34
Speaker 1: so my daily practice is meditation every day, It is
42:37
Speaker 1: journaling every day. But it's something. It's a container you're creating.
42:41
Speaker 1: And so I think if we can make everything a
42:44
Speaker 1: somewhat ritualized experience in some way, that's how we're actually
42:48
Speaker 1: giving ourselves care, tenderness, grace. We're training ourselves to also
42:53
Speaker 1: attract that from other people, attract that from different circumstances.
42:58
Speaker 1: And so you know, when I talk about like creating
43:00
Speaker 1: that sacred container, what is that patch of time for
43:04
Speaker 1: each of you in the course of a day, Whether
43:06
Speaker 1: it may be in the morning, my my like daily
43:09
Speaker 1: practice self care used to be a warning one. Now
43:11
Speaker 1: it's the evening one because that's just the natural flow
43:14
Speaker 1: of when I have the space to do that. But
43:17
Speaker 1: you say, is it an hour? I recommend everybody take
43:21
Speaker 1: an hour. You can find it if you stop scrolling,
43:24
Speaker 1: if you stop binge watching, there's an hour available somewhere.
43:28
Speaker 1: Set the music, and then you start listening to what
43:31
Speaker 1: do I need? What does my body need? My knees hurt.
43:36
Speaker 1: Maybe part of my self cares every day with lotion,
43:40
Speaker 1: I'm closing my eyes, listening to music, have some wine,
43:43
Speaker 1: and I'm just feeling my own body. I'm giving my
43:45
Speaker 1: own body release and pleasure. You know. Um, I do
43:49
Speaker 1: take a bath pretty much four out of seven days
43:52
Speaker 1: a week. That for me is a mainstay of self care.
43:55
Speaker 1: And not because it's like the kind on TV with
43:57
Speaker 1: the bubbles, so that's fly too, but it's not, you know,
44:00
Speaker 1: it's not the bubbles that I'm just like, oh, CalCon,
44:03
Speaker 1: take me away, you know. And also she washes the
44:06
Speaker 1: other days too, because I know that's the thing right now,
44:08
Speaker 1: you know, no, no no, no, have a daily shower. The
44:12
Speaker 1: bath is myself. The bath isn't for tweet that I'll
44:15
Speaker 1: come after you. She's a little for the advance to me.
44:18
Speaker 1: I will come get you. She's clean. But you know,
44:21
Speaker 1: for me, the bath it's not about like, oh, I'm
44:24
Speaker 1: taking a bath. It's the salt is helping my muscles.
44:29
Speaker 1: It's pulling out stress, it's pulling out impurities. It's it's
44:32
Speaker 1: literally physically relaxing my muscles. It's there's a scent in
44:36
Speaker 1: the water that's invoking my spirit there. You know, the
44:39
Speaker 1: warmth is giving me nourishment in all the areas that
44:42
Speaker 1: I need it. And so I look at the bath
44:45
Speaker 1: not as like the let me take a bath. It's
44:47
Speaker 1: really like, all right, I have to take my bath tonight.
44:50
Speaker 1: I spent twenty minutes in there. That's part of my
44:52
Speaker 1: everyday way that I show up for myself and show
44:55
Speaker 1: up for my body. And so it's really creating, like
44:57
Speaker 1: what am I intentional about? What are my needs? Actually?
45:01
Speaker 1: If I sit and I think about self care, what
45:05
Speaker 1: is the kind that's performative and what are my actual
45:08
Speaker 1: needs that don't have to be on Instagram? This is
45:10
Speaker 1: just me for me every single day. Yeah, a little Adam.
45:17
Speaker 1: So it's about, Yes, it's about allowing yourself to be
45:24
Speaker 1: the offering and creating all the ritual that supports you
45:28
Speaker 1: being the highest version of you each day and whatever
45:31
Speaker 1: that means. Thank you. Ah, that was such a great day. Uh,
45:40
Speaker 1: such a beautiful day. That was actually a wildly powerful
45:43
Speaker 1: day for me too. I ended up doing something that
45:45
Speaker 1: I can't share quite yet, but I did an incredible project.
45:49
Speaker 1: Um soon after we recorded this so that is coming
45:52
Speaker 1: soon too. More info on that. Uh, don't forget. If
45:56
Speaker 1: you connected to this conversation, please share it with a friend.
45:59
Speaker 1: Let's open a this dialogue around how we friend, how
46:02
Speaker 1: we show up for ourselves, what we consider authenticity and
46:06
Speaker 1: our relationships and ourselves in the way that we move
46:09
Speaker 1: in the world. And yeah, drop this with a friend,
46:13
Speaker 1: send this to send this to a friend that you
46:18
Speaker 1: are connected with right now. And for those that may
46:21
Speaker 1: be lost touch with a few people and want to
46:23
Speaker 1: get reconnected, if that's on your heart, maybe use this
46:26
Speaker 1: as the entryway and send this to someone to re
46:29
Speaker 1: establish some conversation, some connection. Big love, thank you, thank you,
46:36
Speaker 1: thank you for joining me here in this sacred space.
46:38
Speaker 1: I'm a staying Hey, find me on social Let's connect
46:42
Speaker 1: at Debbie Brown. That's Twitter and Instagram, or go to
46:46
Speaker 1: my website Debbie Brown dot com. And if you're listening
46:49
Speaker 1: to the show on Apple Podcasts, please please please don't
46:54
Speaker 1: forget to rate, review, and subscribe and send this episode
46:59
Speaker 1: to a friend. Dropping Jams is the production of I
47:02
Speaker 1: Heart Radio and The Black Effect Network. It's produced by
47:05
Speaker 1: Jack Queas and me Debbie Brown. For more podcasts from
47:09
Speaker 1: My Heart radio, visit the I heart Radio app, Apple podcasts,
47:13
Speaker 1: or wherever you listen to your favorite shows.