Latest / Dispatched & Dysfunctional / Who Takes Care of the Crew | Joey Evans and Elaine McPherson
Transcript
- Christopher Stockton: All right, welcome back to Dispatch Dysfunctional. this one feels a little bit different to me because we got two guests today. And apparently one of them needs supervision around soap supplies. So we're gonna get into that later. so we spent a lot of time talking about the patient on the stretcher. today I want to talk about who takes care of the crews and how we take care of each other in the end. so today's guests are Elaine and Joey. before titles, credentials. certifications, businesses, or any of the polished internet bullshit. Elaine, who are you really and what made this worth saying yes to? joey: well, I'm a mom and before the before the uniform, I mean, I'm just I love and enjoy helping people. So I've always been this way since I was little. So becoming a paramedic was just kind of a natural thing for me to to do with my life. it pretty much, you know, every paramedic that I know has a side hustle of some sort. because, you know, we make a boat. But Christopher Stockton: Mm. joey: this was a a stress reliever just making soaps and you know one day I invited Joey over and I was like, come on and make some soaps with me. And we just started like brainstorming ideas of, wouldn't it be great if we had something like this going, for us, because with her medics and first responders, we don't get a lot of recognition. I mean, there is some recognition. It's getting better, but you know, when I first started, there was like Back in my day. Yeah. Christopher Stockton: Right. joey: When I first started, it was just like they always just thought we were part of the fire department. It's like they didn't really give it a second thought. whenever EMS Week Christopher Stockton: Right. joey: would go, you know, we'd be like, Hey, great job, and then they'd move on. And then it was just Christopher Stockton: Here's a pizza. joey: here's a pizza and maybe, you know, a bag or a cup, you know. And that's it. That was that was for that was all the recognition that we really get, you know. What's your story though? My story. Yep. I'm not used to talking about myself, so Christopher Stockton: It's all good. Joey, you're you're nice by the way, Joey. joey: Thanks for putting me on the spot. so I originally like my parents are from Canada. So I was born in the States, but my c my parents are Canadian. Christopher Stockton: Right. joey: I grew up in New New England area and then I decided to get married and have a kid. And that didn't work out the first the first time it go around. So I decided to join the army because I needed s a stable income. Better yeah, better choices. And I joined the army. was in for about three years and then when I got out, I met my my husband that I had. he passed away by the way. I don't Christopher Stockton: Sorry to hear that. joey: know if I put it yeah. But he and I were married for 25 years and he was very supportive Christopher Stockton: wow. joey: of Yeah. Very supportive of me going through the EMS route because in the military I was an MP. And Christopher Stockton: sweet. joey: yeah, when I got out, yeah we're not very lucky now. Christopher Stockton: Not sweet. joey: But my my husband decided to go long route and I decided that I liked helping people and I had more of a better bedside manner than my husband did. So but we both were part of Christopher Stockton: Yeah. joey: the volunteer car department. We we joined, I got my EMT certification and I was fixed. So I've been in EMS for about twenty twenty five years. Yeah, Christopher Stockton: Yeah. joey: so like when me and my husband got together, I I was getting out and We started as venture first responders. Christopher Stockton: That's awesome. joey: They're both grown. They're one of 'em's his age. So it's kinda it's kinda like working with my kid again. Christopher Stockton: So so what about you, Joey? joey: Got out of high school, went in the Marine Corps, 'cause I didn't know what the heck I wanted to do with my life. got to travel all over the world. I was infantry, so I was not a blue falcon. And Got out, didn't really know what I wanted to do with my life after a Marine Corps. That's basically my options of infantry were be a police officer or homeless. so got out, kinda Christopher Stockton: Yeah. joey: struggled, went to college for a little bit. and I tried a couple of different jobs. Fell into junk removal, which I tell people is very similar to EMS, which sounds funny, but instead of things I just pick up all now. sometimes Christopher Stockton: See the correlation. joey: sometimes it's junk, you know. Sometimes the people, I mean, are junk. But I was this was cro during COVID. I was trying to be get into the police academy, the state police in Pennsylvania, because it's where I'm originally from. and COVID happened. They halted the hiring process. and my mom had sent me a link to EMT Academy that they pay you while you're in taking the EMT Academy in school. So your your place Christopher Stockton: That's cool. joey: of work is there. Then you owe them two years of service after you're done with the academy. I didn't really want to do it. I said I didn't want to do anything with law and or with healthcare or EMS or any of that. but COVID stopped. I actually I applied for the EMT Academy. I was like, screw it, I'll apply. I don't really want to do it, but I'll do it. then the police academy emailed me back and basically said I had to redo everything that I had already done. And I was like, you know, fuck that noise. I don't want to do that again. Christopher Stockton: Yeah. joey: So I got accepted into the EMT Academy at the same time. and I started it, realized I liked it, realized I knew a lot more than I realized thought I did, and that it was pretty easy. I know I've talked to a lot of people that told me EMT's hard. I didn't have the same experience, but did the emt thing, was married at the time. after emt school, realized I wasn't really happy with my current wife, and so we separated. so we Christopher Stockton: Yeah. joey: and then I did about four or five years there. and went to paramedic school. I wanted more. and Did about a year up there as a paramedic, maybe a little less, and wanted something more than that because I'm always kind of looking for a place that I can grow and thrive in instead of just be stagnant forever. and there really wasn't many opportunities other than being an FTO or or you could be a captain in fifteen years when the next one retires, but that I didn't want to wait fifteen years. So VA offered me positioned down here in North Carolina and I said, Screw, I don't really know what I'm gonna get myself into. so I moved down here to North Carolina and I did. Our job's pretty covering now. It's only transports, it's not nine one one stuff, but it's a lot easier and we have plenty of time on our hands to do anything else we like during working hours. Yeah. A lot of research. Christopher Stockton: Awesome. joey: We do a lot of research. met her, she's kind of turned into a second mom. in North Carolina. and we one day she kept we we were I guess I was kinda looking for a second gig or something too second job or something else to keep a business. I was yeah Well if you enjoy sleeping you're not gonna get any you know because I'll run you you know they also wanted to nine or eight days a month as our per DM employee and I was like that's gonna be all my off days. So I don't know if I really wanna work all of my off days on an ambulance. It's a nine one one and then come back and do transports. But I was looking like one or two days, not nine. Christopher Stockton: Right. joey: But we kinda fell into this venture, realized there wasn't any soaps or candles that were more oriented towards EMS providers. It was all mostly fire or nurses. so we wanted to create something that was more oriented towards EMS. So Christopher Stockton: right. joey: we're yes. There's there's more like mental health awareness and we try to keep it humorous and I don't know if you've looked at our website. I've tr I've tried to make our soap sound luxurious, but also keep the humor involved in it all of it. And that's also what I'm doing with social media is trying to keep the humor and the names and everything we're doing. So because our job's pretty serious and we never look at the mental Christopher Stockton: Yeah. joey: health side of things. And it is just starting to get down. People are just starting to do that more and more, but we need more of it. Christopher Stockton: You're right on that. And that that's actually like we were talking about before. That's that's why I started this doing what I'm doing. and it's it's growing into more than I thought it would have in the end. but and yeah, I've w I've looked at your your website. I'm excited to try the stuff that you'll gonna be sending. That that's gonna be awesome. so on your form, Joey, you wrote sometimes the person who needs the most support isn't the patient on the stretcher. It's your partner sitting beside you. Elaine, you wrote take joey: Yeah. And you're talking while to realize Christopher Stockton: So yeah. joey: that and I had some it took me a while to really understand that and realize that and I definitely wasn't the bet has best headspace when I started EMS just starting in my divorce and I instead of trying to fix myself I decided to work as much as I could because overtime was plentiful and there was no shortage of it where I was so I was working hundred and fifty hours a paycheck easily. just basically Christopher Stockton: Jesus. joey: yeah, all I did was work. money was great, taxes sucked, but yeah. I just didn't realize I was in bad hat space. Took me a few years to really understand that and kind of pull back from all the OT I was doing. so this past year plus I've been really just trying to focus on myself and get myself fixed and I realized I was a lot more fucked up than I thought I was. Now I don't think things affect me, but looking back, maybe they affected me more than I realized. understanding that myself made me realize, you know, us as providers we're not really given as much support in that aspect. I mean, we were just talking about it last night, like it's like you gotta go to the next call. Yeah. Put the game face on Christopher Stockton: Yep. joey: and just rolling. And you can deal with it afterwards. Christopher Stockton: It's like I was talking to I was talking to a guest, I think it was last week or week before last, and we were talking about that same issue on how when providers like ourselves wind up asking for help or needing help through the companies or the EAPs and I'm yes, I'm using quotes on that. you know, we're always seem to be punished or degraded in the end before asking for help, and that's the downside, like you were saying a minute ago, Joe, is that's the downside of we don't seem to help our own. We want to help we want to shove it down as much as possible and run to the next call, ru do the next thing. But I think in the end the bigger companies don't really give a shit. They want that bottom dollar And that's all they care about. they don't care about the people in the trucks. joey: We got calls, we got back to the call school. There's money to be made. Yeah. Next to the millionaire. Next to Christopher Stockton: Yep. joey: the million. Christopher Stockton: And that that and that's joey: Yeah. Christopher Stockton: I'm glad a lot of it's getting fixed in the end, like it has been. I I've only been doing it for ten years, so I can't say I'm seasoned, but since I've joined, I I've noticed that there has been a change, if you will, on how it's been treated compared to when I started. the first words I ever met working with the guy on the truck was Suck it up buttercup, get the fuck over it. joey: Yeah. Same, same. Christopher Stockton: So, and it it it it's I think we're our almost enemies when it comes to our own mental health as well, because as you said a minute ago, Joey is y you didn't realize how much it actually affected you. And I think most of us, I know for myself, it I didn't realize it until I actually started trying to seek help and noticing Just the small changes in the beginning. It was like, shit, I'm blowing up my kids for no damn reason. Why? And then now looking back on it, okay, well maybe it was stress, maybe it was whatever, And But yeah, so sorry. joey: Yeah, and the stigmatism of it all, when you're talking to your partner and stuff like that, you get to know your partner really, really well because you spend twelve hours a day, sometimes more. You spend more time with your partner than you do with your own family sometimes. So you get to know that person inside and out, just about their the way they think and everything like that. And it's just you build these bonds with people that you never thought that you would connect with. and you don't realize how special that is until you start talking to a normal person that doesn't do this line of work. And you just start Christopher Stockton: Right. joey: talking about whatever and they just their jaw drops and they're like, What? You know, what do you mean? You know, and it's like it's just like another Tuesday for us, you know. you're in three cardiac arrest that shift Two of them are dead and one of he got Ross gone. Yeah. He's grilled into a bone. What? Yeah, let's go get a burger Christopher Stockton: Right. joey: 'cause I'm I'm only starving Christopher Stockton: Yeah, it's like I joey: after a cardiomy. Christopher Stockton: So joey: Think some of it comes back to we were we had talked about it the the good old boys club and a lot of leadership. Hopefully, you know, a lot of them are getting out, but a lot of leadership is the older mentality and and them being pushed out and this younger and younger generation is moving up. it's changing this the stigmatism behind the mental health. 'cause I know my previous organization when I started When I started there it was a lot different than when I left, but it was a good old boys club and and if you weren't part of that click then you weren't you weren't you weren't in it. They they kind of treated you differently and how dare you have some kind of mental health crisis or needed some help or something 'cause you know, it was in his days it was, you know, you push on. But the big thing I I wrote a a paper about assaults on EMS and when Christopher Stockton: Sweet. joey: I started there, assaults were very much you got beat up. keep going, next call. You don't need help or anything. and when I left, I I like to think I made somewhat of an impact. because we had a lot of providers, you know. I got assaulted twice in one year. And that was kind of what made me want to pursue researching more of it and see if there's opportunities for providers. I actually did all the leg work and had a problem of god instructor. We came up with a plan specifically for EMS. that was mostly like holds and getting out of the situation to to defend yourself and not having to to it wasn't really about striking. It was more of all right, all right, you're in this moment, you're in this position, get yourself out of it now. unfortunately the organization I was with did not want to pay any money and he wasn't asking for much of anything. He was more mostly donating his time, but it was about the dollar science at the end of the day. But just Yeah. So other than mental health Christopher Stockton: That's that's awful. joey: assaults. So Christopher Stockton: That's that's that's pretty cool, and and like you said, I I've I've been assaulted and hell I'm one of the reasons now here stupid talks. I'm one of the reasons now here in Alabama it's a felony to be hit to hit a paramedic. or yeah. joey: It's supposed to be here. Christopher Stockton: so here it wasn't a thing until I got hit in the head by a naked man on the street. joey: wow. Christopher Stockton: With a pipe. joey: Yeah. Christopher Stockton: And no, it was not his pipe. But but yeah, i i it's and thank God that guy wound up getting the mental help he needed and all this good stuff. But you know, at the same time that was a rude awakening for the company I was working for and myself to realize that the state don't give a shit. And that's that one thing that kinda made me want to do this in the end, and that that was back when I started almost. that was I think my second year in. But it was always a feet because that company I worked for also had a body contract and that was interesting and to say the least as well to literally run on dead bodies the whole time. that was interesting at times and also it could be troublesome at times and I didn't realize what the effects it had on myself was either so See joey: Getting on to make it a little window that keeps popping up that our connection is unstable. If you click it, it'll reset everything. okay okay. But as long as we can Christopher Stockton: It's all good. joey: hear us, you can hear her. Christopher Stockton: Yeah, it'll it'll it'll fix it. It'll it and if all else fails, if it what the hell did I just do? Sorry. If it messes up it'll it'll fix itself, in the end. I like it it'll reconnect. So Elaine, I got written here that you used to be a very quiet, reserve person who didn't have a lot of faith in myself. That joining the military completely changed that and the EMS pushed you even further. And Joey, you remember the new EMT who wanted to learn everything, was scared to make a mistake, and needed somebody to believe you belonged. So I guess Elaine, take me back to that quiet person. what what did the three years as an army MP change in you in in What did it cost you in the end? Either two. I didn't write that down, but that was a good one. joey: Well, growing up I was I was very quiet. Kids were better to not be heard or seen, you know. I I was always sent outside to go play, you know. You only came inside the house when it was dark outside and yeah Christopher Stockton: To eat. joey: yeah. So I I wasn't very confident in social situations, as far as, you know, just talk just starting a a conversation with anyone, you know, I would always be very reserved. when I joined the military, basic training was an eye opener because I never had to do anything physical in my life. You know, I never held the gun. I never did any of this stuff. So it was very like out of character for me to join the military. I broke my mom's heart. She started crying like my baby's going to the military. she didn't think I was strong enough to to I don't know. I don't know. I think she she had the confidence, but she just was she was just sad that I Christopher Stockton: Fear. joey: didn't talk to her about it. I did it. Yes, I just did it. I had a my my oldest son was three at the time when I joined So I needed something to provide for him. And he was my driving force. basic training was tough. I was supposed to be going to Korea, but I broke my femur. it's a long story, but I broke it twice. I didn't get it right the first time. I got I had to do it again. I fell down some stairs with my crutches. It was a long ordeal. It's yeah, it's it was a mess. But that taught me a lot on the stigmatism of being in the military, you know, being broken, going to an all airborne unit. That was fun. here on Fort Bragg. Christopher Stockton: No that but yeah, I could see that. joey: Ninety five percent of the unit was airborne and I was part of the five percent that was not. And the ones that and I was one. So that was great. But At the time I knew how to type. So that was, good on me. they set me in the pack office to take care of all the paperwork while, you know, doing awards for people and everything like that. So I was useful in that way. But I was I did work on the road a little bit as an MP and At the end of the day I I was medically chaptered out of the military because of my femur at the time. And Christopher Stockton: Right. joey: I'm going to add a lot of my AIDS. It this was before nine eleven. So yeah. at the time they were like, Well, you can reclass as a pack clerk and I was like, I don't really want to do that because if I'm gonna be a secretary or something like that, I would make more money on the outside than being in the military because back then we didn't get paid a whole lot. Maybe about six hundred Christopher Stockton: Right. joey: dollars a month. Yeah, that was our base pay. but when I got out, I met my husband. He was he was in the same unit as I was. we started dating after I got out and he stayed in for 11 years. And During that time nine eleven happened. So the everything changed. The way things were being done in the military. Fort Bragg at the time was an open post, completely open. You can be a civilian and drive straight through without having to get, you know, ID checked or anything like that. Then all that changed the the day after nine eleven. They clocked that post. Yeah. And it it it kinda sucked. Because my husband, he was still an MP, so they had to lock it down. And there was people waiting in line for ten, twelve hours just to get on posts because they had to inspect every single vehicle coming through the base. And it was a long tedious process just to get there. now it's a whole lot different, you know. They've they've hired DOD civilians to do the gates. They also have some military people to inspect the vehicles, but and we Christopher Stockton: Right. joey: when we transport onto Fort Bragg, we we went there the other day. They usually the ambulance is. We still got to call ahead, let know what gate we're coming in. Christopher Stockton: That's cool. So question for you, Joey. joey: Tangent, I'm sorry. I do Christopher Stockton: That's all good. joey: that sometimes. how it changed me and and how I'm not a wallflower anymore because I talk a lot. Christopher Stockton: Hey, it's all good. and and I actually I I had a question for Joey of the same same thing as well. So, you know, Joey, you went from Marines to EMT as you were talking about earlier. You you moved from Pennsylvania to North Carolina and and you became a medic. so what what did the Marine Corps teach you about looking after each other and how does that compare to EMS? joey: So I wasn't really a wallflower, at least my the tail end of high school. I senior year I played a bunch of sports and I was a lot more outgoing. like I said, I didn't know what the heck I wanted to do with my life and none of my family hadn't been in the military, or lead direct family, so I didn't know what the heck I was getting into and the of course the recruiter wouldn't have been honest with me. so I Christopher Stockton: That's a recruiter. joey: In the Marine Corps, boot camp was hard. Obviously, it wasn't hard as I thought it was gonna be, but this they make the Marine Corps seem like this crazy thing. And I thought boot camp was actually pretty easy. They tell you when to do everything and what time to do everything, and I would go back to boot camp in a heartbeat. I didn't have to think about anything there, so left boot camp, deployed all over the place. we just being there, the camaraderie and I'm still talk to all the guys I was in with, especially the first platoon I was part of. we've kind of we've we've haven't had a reunion or get together in a while, but we're due for one. But we actually my my wedding my ex-wife was our the last reunion we had. That was the best part of that wedding. But So getting out and not un knowing what I wanted to do and kinda having to find myself again and and I fell in EMS. It was pretty good. It was a lot like the military, even though it wasn't as strict. there was some camar camaraderie there. and you know, we all kind of go through the hardships in EMS and I don't know, it just kinda felt right at the time. Christopher Stockton: I gotcha. So this is it th this this might be an interesting question. joey: How it changed me. Yeah, changed me back to the beginning. Christopher Stockton: D the does the army versus marines ever pop up on your truck? which branch is better? joey: All the time. And we tease each other. I mean make fun of myself though too products, but I'm not I don't care. The crane eater of jokes Christopher Stockton: Yeah. joey: and all of them, yeah. I actually had a buddy. He Christopher Stockton: Hey, the purple is the best flavor, it's okay. joey: red's the best flavor. Purple. so I had a buddy earlier. He actually sent me a video of his daughter. He was he's in the navy. So I have a bunch of friends that are we Marine Corps doesn't have their own medical side of things. They have the navy supplies, they're the corpsman, as like the medical entity. And I have a lot of friends that are are poormen and we've been really close So we've been staying in touch since I got out. He just sent me a a video of his daughter eating a cray and thought it was the the funniest thing, but Christopher Stockton: That's awesome. joey: So Christopher Stockton: Yeah, I w I've wanted to join the military since I was a kid. joey: So I wanna Candles and soaps just make sense then, right? It's it's basically just wax. Christopher Stockton: Yeah, a little bit. True. This is true. Just smells a lot better. joey: Yeah. Christopher Stockton: So Joey, you wrote on your forum you you could walk into a critical situation to stay calm, then go home and struggle with your own emotions, relationships and stress. And Elaine, you wrote that we don't talk about it enough. the sleepless nights, the emotional strain on personal relationships, because you're significant other just don't really understand. And I think most of us can relate to that. and we can't unsee the things that we've seen or or undo the things that we've done. so I guess where I'm going with this one is what does what does what do y'all think PTSD looks like day to day? not the textbook version that we all read about, but the actual we're on the truck, we're living through hell type PTSD. joey: It's different from everybody. talking to a a psychologist and seeking therapy kind of taught me more of what it was in myself and and pushing and do it and working more was part of my coping mechanism, but I didn't really understand it at the time. but I talked in therapy about how we I would go to these calls and be on the way to the call and after the call I'd feel super anxious or or have like a billion things going through my brain. During the call, for whatever reason, I was comical collected and I could do it all. And everything just kinda clicked in my brain and everything went. and then I would go home and overthink about it and and have the dreams or or what could I have done better or I think some of the PTSD is that like before and after the call we're we're a mess. But during that moment it's for whatever reason we're a comical collected and we can do everything. and I I I didn't see that before I went to therapy and talked to somebody about it. But it makes sense after talking and understanding it. What's up to you? well I deal with any kind of stress with humor. I'm always joking or having inappropriate humor and same things sometimes that I shouldn't really say sometimes. I do work a lot. Yeah. I Christopher Stockton: Yeah, that is DMS. joey: do work a lot to keep my mind going, you know, so distraction is a huge thing for me. so I use it all the time. So like when when I started doing this this hobby. I had a task and I was focused and it actually, made sense to me. So that's why we started doing this. but as far as PTSD, you know, sometimes randomly you're driving to work or driving wherever to the store and I I would sometimes picture things happening that I know that did not happen. But I could imagine something happening, you know, in and not necessarily what I would do, but just okay, for example, you're behind a someone riding a motorcycle, you know, and they're weaving in and out of traffic and I was like, okay. So that's job security right there, you know. but you know, I'm imagining 'cause I've been to so many motorcycle wrecks that, I can just imagine them just slamming them into the back of a vehicle, you know, even though I know it's not happening. But I it's like I gotta shake myself like, okay, it's not happening. So I gotta I gotta think of something else because I could only I can picture it in my head what the injuries would be and Christopher Stockton: Mm. joey: like just what I'd be walking up on, you know. And It sometimes it'll catch you off guard, you'll be in a store or you'll be doing something and just a random thought popped in your head and you're like, Why am I thinking about that? You know, and you're you gotta shake yourself. So then I'm constantly, you know, keeping my mind occupied and busy and that's how I dealt with my open mechanism. We actually talked about potentially with BTS D and things having like glasses or whether that on that's online or person. we got we got the idea from another podcast slash like YouTube thing we watched about a lady who does just candle and soap classes. and we thought you know maybe that would help other people. So hopefully in the future we'll we'll move into doing that with with the VA or with organ EMS organizations. Just like a a class just to stress reliever, get your mind off of things, you know not to make money. something that just to Yeah get together Christopher Stockton: Right. joey: and build kind of relationships with people, you know, and bond. Christopher Stockton: That's actually a really good idea. I I I'd be down for that for y'all to do that. That that's and you know, it it's a stress reliever for you two, so I would imagine I I couldn't even imagine or fathom the outreach y'all would have to be able to show other people how to do it or you know, just to hell, some of these videos people watch are just just the motions of watching people do the things i is a great stress reliever for certain people. And that would be that'd be great for y'all. And and I think that that's something as you said a minute ago, that's something y'all should y'all should definitely start. That that would be awesome. joey: Hopefully once Christopher Stockton: So joey: we get the ball rolling. Yeah. Christopher Stockton: Right. So so question. as I was thinking a minute ago I wrote this, so what what does this job seem to take from y'all when you're off and and not playing with soap or candles? joey: Sleep. What's that? Christopher Stockton: I was gonna say, what a sleep. joey: so yeah. In regards to that, I've didn't really think about that beforehand. And I feel like so I didn't have any free time before when I was in a previous CMS job. Now that I have all this free time and I don't know what to do with myself all the time, it's turned into like a more in my head, which Didn't really think about also something I didn't think about until I talked to somebody about it. and they're like, that makes sense, you know. She's kind of gotten me more out of my bubble than when I was originally moved down here because I had all this free time, didn't know what to do with it. So I would like either I would sleep a lot or I wouldn't sleep at all. You know, there's there's that back and forth. And I think that comes back to like the PTSD anxiety, depression thing that all kind of relates and and correlates together. So That's what I mean when I say sleep, either sleeping too much or not sleeping enough. And this job obviously Christopher Stockton: No, and I get you. joey: we don't sleep a lot anyway, so By you. Christopher Stockton: Yeah. So how how long have y'all been how before you answer real quick, Elaine, how long have y'all been partners? I forgot to ask that earlier. joey: Believe it or not, not very long. I have a tendency Christopher Stockton: wow, okay. joey: to keep saying this and it it doesn't sound right, but I have a tendency to take in people into my family and it's it gives me a sense of purpose when I when I when I get people into my little collective of a family. She brings us broken people in and collects us and makes part of her family. So what had happened was when husband, you know, like we have I have two boys. and my youngest, he had friends, you know, growing up, they would always stay over at our house. Every weekend, you know, it was I saw them just as much as I saw my kids. So it was just kind of second nature to have people over all the time cooking for them and and just caring for them. Now that they got grown up, they actually moved into our house at one point. We had a three bedroom, two and a half bath house and we had nine people living in the house. Just be not me, not me. He wasn't Christopher Stockton: Wow. joey: in it. But there was my son, Christopher Stockton: Yeah. joey: my son's girlfriend, my son's girlfriend's best friend, which now she's an EMS and I had a big influence into in with that and that's another story. And then I had my son's best friend. He's also an EMT. and then he had another friend that was kind of went into the ENT program, but he didn't it didn't work out for him. But and then his, you know, and then I had my two nieces living with me with my husband. And we had a full house and I loved it. I loved having so many people. I loved cooking for them. It gave me purpose, you know, so that Then eventually they started moving out, They had to let them go and be free and I they came into their my life when they were just graduating high school trying to find a job and and they didn't have direction. So I was kind of like me and my husband were their mentors, you know. And then after that, a few of them moved out, but then a some of them back in. and then I just I just missed that. So then when my husband passed away last year, I really latched on to my kids because my kids are my life, And you know, my oldest, he's not married, so he's staying with me. Or I'm staying with him. I don't know. It's just it's a weird yeah. It's kinda Christopher Stockton: It's a mut it's a mutual agreement. joey: yeah, it's mutual agreement. He doesn't have to stay with me, but I like I enjoy having him. company, staying in this big house by myself just sucks, you know. So my son lives with me and by choice, like he doesn't have to live with me. and then my other son and his wife, they stayed with us for a little bit and they just moved into a farm that we just bought. Christopher Stockton: that's cool. joey: we're living in the other house. My oldest son is the one that bought the farm, but he's not living there. He's living with me. And then my youngest son and his wife must on the farm. We're eventually gonna build a house, hopefully within the next couple months, and move this whole thing over there. because we got nine and a half acres. Know the situation and I'm having trouble following. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. Anyways, the moral of the story. Like I take in strays. So like Christopher Stockton: It's all good. joey: when when going out to the shift, you know, the first night. he stayed in the other room with 'cause we he was still in training. and then the second night, he stayed in the room where I was at, like we have like a bunch of offices. And he and I just kinda hit it off and just we have the same kind of energy. You know, we like to stay busy, we like to do stuff and and and work a lot and yeah. So it was just kinda like second nature for me to be like, Hey, come on over, have dinner and, you know, meet the kids and they're all the same age. So it was like it they they hit it off. Christopher Stockton: That's cool. joey: But your question was how long have we been partners? Six months, maybe less. About six months. Christopher Stockton: wow. Okay. Cool. That's joey: Like I said, when you meet somebody that you have the same kind of energy, you connect, you know, it's like you've known each other for a while. You know even though there's an age difference, you know, we're we're there. Like half or most my age difference, but Yeah, he's half my age. Christopher Stockton: I my my favorite part me and my favorite partner the same way. so I had a guy that he was actually one of the most supportive partners I ever had. and he's probably double my age, so y I I get that and actually he's me and him stay in contact to this day. So, you know, it's one of them I I think the age thing and EMS really don't matter. I I've had quite a few mentors that like I said, they're either double my age. Hell, one of 'em's I couldn't say triple 'cause that'd be way too much. But it most of them are at least, you know, ha one and a half to two times my age and it's weird, like you're saying, Elaine, is is the bonds that we we create, I think, because of the joey: We trauma. Christopher Stockton: exactly. And And like you said earlier, it it it's always that connection because there's some partners that I never connected with and I honestly could give a rat's ass on if I talk to again. But there's also the ones that if I see something's wrong or I hear something in their personal life that's bugging me or bugging them, I'm going to reach out, I'm going to check on I'm going to see if there's anything I can do, you know. And I think that's part of in my opinion. I'm I'm not a specialist, I'm not a psychiatrist or anything, but I think in my opinion that's one thing that helps bridge the gap for all of us together i is like you said, the trauma bond at the end. It is is we may not have seen the exact same things, but at the same time, we can always correlate one instance to another. And that helps trying to alleviate the stress and the job with each other. Hell, for instance, the older guy that I was talking about, I went for police department for a little bit and this guy's, like I said, older, a lot older than me and told him I was going to do it and he's like, All right, cool, let's go prepare for it. I'm like, what the hell do you mean? He's let's go jump some fences. So I'm sitting here with a sick with a sixty year old guy pretty much sixty I think he was yeah sixty five at the time. and he's like, hey, th you know, there's autos on over there. We're posting up for calls just like we always did. And he was like, hey, there's autos on. I'm gonna go talk to the manager. I'm like, okay. I thought it was just fucking with me. But next thing I know was we're literally jumping autos on freaking j garbage fence to get me prepared for a police academy. So i it it's it's weird to say the least, because of the the moments like that that we look back on. with the partners that we actually enjoy spending time with. and I think that kind of correlates too to your farm thing, Elaine, is I think you you're probably able to get in the headspace you need to be out there compared to where you are on the truck. Am I wrong or right? joey: yeah, yeah. I love the outso outdoors, just we've started getting chickens and goats and you know, just they don't talk back, they don't give me a problem, you know. look, she's got another goat. Yeah. Surprise. Yeah. instead of, taking in strays, now I'm taking in stray animals. 'Cause we only really paid for one animal animal. The rest are just came to be. Yeah, I know. Yeah. Christopher Stockton: Joey, are you her ranch hand? Is that what this sounds like? joey: Actually I did appoint him t to be mowing and stuff. And he liked he enjoyed it. I didn't mind it. Christopher Stockton: That's that's e that's even better. At least you enjoyed it. hell. joey: Then he was like, candles and soaps instead of working outside and sweating. Yeah. It's I I enjoy hard work. I Christopher Stockton: So joey: love to be able to Christopher Stockton: That makes sense because y you have the farm which like you said that that's manual labor outside, but at the same time, y'all are y'all are working y'all's asses off from what I can tell from what I've s you know, emailed back and forth with y'all is y'all are getting this this candle company from the ground up and it's finally getting to where y'all want it to be. And I'm hoping soon y'all are able to launch, you know, how y'all are expecting to launch. And and I think it's gonna be I think it's gonna be a great thing for both of y'all and and that's kinda falls back to what you just said, you enjoy hard work and and that's that's what every business, every really hobby has to have is you gotta put the work into it or it's gonna gonna be a damn thing. joey: Yeah, I find myself looking forward to going home to make soaps. It's just it's crazy. It's like, you know, so like Christopher Stockton: I think joey: sometimes, I want to go home, chill out, watch TV, you know, take a nap. Nope, I wanna go make soaps. It takes like Christopher Stockton: It joey: four to six weeks to secure a soap. So that's why it it's delayed our launch Christopher Stockton: Damn. joey: because we gotta get out. Yeah. Yeah, because you we're mixed in lye. with the fats and stuff like that. Yeah. It takes it takes four to six weeks. Christopher Stockton: I thinking it took a day or two. joey: Yeah, well if you do melt and pour, yeah, you it can be ready the next day, but we're making damage from scratch. So and we have to like put goggles on, we gotta put gloves on, you know, we have we wear aprons, you know, I gotta put my hair up to make sure I don't get any hair in in the soap, you know, 'cause I would be. So if you get a hair in the soap, it's not mine. Christopher Stockton: That that's actually awesome. I I didn't realize it took that much work. That's that makes it even more better. That that makes it and I'm hoping whoever's listening today, in the end I'm gonna get links from y'all and all that. But I'm hoping whoever's listening, y'all y'all help support them, go buy some soap. like I said, the the sense y'all are coming out with on Facebook, I don't know who's naming that on if it's you or Joey naming but i it's they're awesome. The names y'all are coming up with are awesome. And the sense that y'all have with joey: He's the he's the creator. Christopher Stockton: those And y'all's scents come together quite well too from what I was reading. I I can't name the ones I was reading the other day, but the the scents you y'all are combining are actually really good scents to be able to smell. and joey: Yeah, some of it it took some time to get the mixtures right because some we thought would smell really good and it would clash with the it would it it smells awful. It was like no it smells like cleaner, you know. So we pretty much redid everything like two weeks ago. We did it like two or three times already. Yeah. Christopher Stockton: Damn. joey: So I think at this point All of our scents except one, we we we would we both were like, I would use this every day. and then the one is the mandatory overtime, which I've gotten a lot of people that are excited about that one, the coffee scent. We still don't completely Christopher Stockton: Yep, that's the one I was thinking of. joey: Yeah, the the We don't love it still. So we're trying to change it. The the bar itself is kinda tacky and we haven't gotten quite the the mixture Christopher Stockton: Right. joey: where I want it to be. I'm still going to send so you're in I have like a little less than ten people, I think, but I have on my my Google sheet that of people that I'm gonna send the samples to, the sampler to gonna include that one. But that You can give us your honest opinion on it. Yeah that one's what Christopher Stockton: yeah, I will. joey: we want. We want honest opinions. The one we the only one we don't love right now is the The coffee one, unfortunately. It smells great. It's just the bar is not coming together quite like we wanted it to. And it's it's it's taking longer to cure than some a lot of the other ones. And we think it's the oils that we're using are too many. Too many soft oils. Yeah. We're using coconut or Christopher Stockton: So, you're joey: shea butter or whatever, they're solid at room temperature. So that's what we mean Christopher Stockton: Right. joey: by hard oils. Soft oils is like olive oil, which is liquid at room temperature. Christopher Stockton: Gotcha. joey: Yeah, some other oil like castor oil and all that kind of stuff. and we we mix a few of them in the bar. And this last formula that we've been using, there's three of the bars are sea salt, sea salt soup. So it really has Christopher Stockton: that's bull. joey: like skin really soft. Like I said, those are all the four of the five cents we would both use every day. and I have been. I have accounted eleven different soaps in my shower right now. You need to get a soap holder that holds all the soap. All of them I've been trying because we wanted to test them and we wanted to be the first ones to try them before we let other people try them. So I have from the beginning to now, I have all these different soaps in my shower that I've been Trying all of them. Some of them I probably should just toss, but And we're engaging it on how it lathers, how it feels on the skin, once you rinse it off, how it you know feels afterwards in the dry, the scent overall scent on your skin. we're still coming up with new things. We've definitely Christopher Stockton: That's awesome. And being from First Ronder joey: come up with the idea we think we're gonna do like one Christopher Stockton: So what joey: soap a month. A new soap. A new soap. Yeah. a a monthly Christopher Stockton: sweet. joey: this is the special for that month and then we'll discontinue that and the next month we'll have a different one. And we want honest feedback. If Christopher Stockton: That'd be awesome for y'all's website. D y'all did a subscription. joey: somebody wants it. Yeah. Yeah. And if somebody wants it in the rotation, we can keep it, depending on how, 'cause we we know that we're not gonna cater it at everybody with every single soap. So when Christopher Stockton: yeah. joey: we wanna cost cast a broad net and see, 'cause what I like, you might not like. Christopher Stockton: So do y'all make any soaps that are antibacterial or antibac microbial for for us getting the blood and stuff on our our on us? joey: so the idea that we had would be like a a decon kit. so my thoughts Christopher Stockton: Right, right. joey: are, you know, eventually we're not ready to launch this, but eventually the plan was to have laundry soap, some disinfected spray, to just with the scent of what the soaps have. So like if you that line of scent, it would have you'd have the laundry soap, the the cleaner and the the air freshener, the candle and the the soap. So it'd be like a like a gift pack. but yeah, but it would Christopher Stockton: And all at one. That's freaking awesome. joey: be a it would be a decline pack. To answer your question though, this dabbles on so there's not really any FDA regulations or any regulations by the governments on soaps or candles. Fun fact. but you can't claim Well you Christopher Stockton: Didn't know that. joey: can't make these claims on these products. that it's hyperallogenic. can't make any of those claims if one is true then the FDA could step in. We can say that it's dye free or that it's fragrance free or or it's organic. We can say those things, but if you start claiming that it's gonna clear up your acne or you know, do something that's medically, you know, we can't do that 'cause then it'll be all over us. So we Christopher Stockton: That makes sense. joey: gotta kinda you know We're gonna be honest with our ingredients. We're gonna list all the ingredients that are on there. You'll be able to pronounce them all. so and you know, it we do have a bar that is almost like fragrance free. It's it's goat milk and oats. It doesn't really we don't have a scent in it. It's just whatever the natural scent of the goat milk and the oats are. and Christopher Stockton: That's cool. joey: not really. That that's not released yet, Christopher Stockton: Yeah. joey: but and we don't have a name for it. So we might be asking people for some a a competition of a name. But I my Christopher Stockton: Heck yeah. joey: my daughter in law and her best friend, they they love that. The o the the not have a lot of strong o you know, scent to it. So just clean. Christopher Stockton: Yeah, being a hundred percent natural, pretty much. joey: Yeah. Christopher Stockton: So I got ten I got ten w ten questions before we close out today. so what is the biggest lie that burnout tells us? both of you really. It's just a quick hit. It's a quick something I'd like to do at the end of the episodes for everybody. joey: We're all fine. Say it with a smile. Christopher Stockton: Okay, so what's one word for healing? joey: Communication. Christopher Stockton: what joey: Don't keep it inside. Christopher Stockton: Yeah. What what do dependable people need to hear? joey: Keep it up. Work harder, keep striving Christopher Stockton: That works. joey: for your goals. yeah, I mean yeah. We're right there with you. We're working our butts off to try to make something that we're proud of and keep the humor up. So that's what makes us hard for jobs. Christopher Stockton: So do y'all think people can honestly rebuild? joey: Yeah. My face. Christopher Stockton: What should every station stop saying and start asking? joey: ask going back to the mental health instead of like So your your partners, they're like, Are you okay after a call a call? And either they say yes or no and they don't go into any more depth than that and dig deeper into that, even if they say yes. because you know, most of us, even though we think we are, we're really not. And the automatic responses, I'm fine. Yes. And and we're all unfortunate, we've all been there and all done that and maybe we need to reflect on ourselves and our partners and and be there for them more often than whatever. Christopher Stockton: So what's one thing you do for your own headspace now that you didn't do five years ago? joey: The soap thing, but just like seeing a psychologist, seeing the specialists, getting more of the help that I need than I realize I need five years ago. my dog has been a big part of my life for most of the five years, and I think animals are are a huge part of it. And having her is kind of given me, especially moving down here as first. You know, you move down here, I don't know. I d I would just move down here cold. and having her, especially in the beginning, was I'm not gonna say a life changer 'cause I wasn't trying to s kill myself, but like she gave me a purpose when I was off. you know, I have to be there and take care of her and she needs me to help her with things, so Christopher Stockton: That's awesome. What about you, Elaine? What what's one thing y well, it's not good. joey: She just acted me. Christopher Stockton: So what's one thing you do na for your own headspace now that you didn't do five years ago? joey: I it's gonna sound silly, but I bought one of these lights that has like a sound machine, but it's like it's the stars and a nebulous and I look at that at night when I'm trying to fall asleep. And that's something that I never would have invested any money into before, but it helps me kind of wind down instead of playing with my phone. Or watch the T V. I just watch that and I try to fall asleep to that. Christopher Stockton: So Joey I forgot to bring this up earlier. So Car Carolina or Milo, who runs the house? joey: She runs the house here too. She's Christopher Stockton: So before I forget joey: here right now with us. Christopher Stockton: Let's see and then So before I before I I wanna just thank both of y'all for coming on with me today. I and I want y'all to picture somebody real quick that Aww Hi puppy joey: She loves it here. I've adopted her too. Christopher Stockton: So I want both of you just picture something real quick. somebody who's listening at two AM, maybe a sip medic sitting in the truck who hasn't slept, maybe they're a new EMT who got humiliated today and thinks they really don't belong in this field, or maybe there's somebody sitting in the driveway because they don't want to go inside yet. they're still functioning, they're still showing up and still saying I'm fine, but quietly falling apart. forget the businesses, forget me, forget the mics. What do they need to hear from you? Elaine first and then Joey. joey: They're not alone. I mean, we've all had that moment in our life that we question everything that we do. what am I doing? You know, I don't know what I'm doing, you know, it's almost like imposter syndrome. but you're not alone. I I I deal with a lot of students because I also teach part-time and we talk. about this aspect all the time, even though we might not we might seem like we have it all together, but a lot of times in our head we're questioning everything. And, you know, I'm always second guessing some of the decisions that I make, you know, but you gotta make a decision, stick to it, and you know you just go back to your training. and It's kinda like muscle memory. But as far as the one that doesn't know what they're doing, you know, why are they there. we're there for each other. You're not alone. So seek help, definitely up there, whether that's a professional or or a coworker or a friend, there's always somebody you can reach out to. And I still struggle with this that I don't realize how many people I have in my corner all over the place. and I don't sometimes I I I think I don't have that many people and somebody will reach out to me. Or or somebody will talk to me and it's like, damn, I really have people all over the place. But you always have somebody, even if you don't think you have somebody and finds finds, you know, you keep pushing, and if you don't think this is right, then maybe it isn't right. But you can always find your niche and even if it's a side gig, the ZMS isn't for everybody, and you know, the the EMT usually only lasts for about two years and typical, unless you had a Then then you decide if you're going to medic school or you're getting out or trying to go into nursing or do something totally different. There's a lot of providers who just pivot totally and go to something like business or but there's always somebody else to reach out to. And our numbers are in all of our emails and I'm sure they're all on social media. So somebody can always call one of us 'cause she doesn't ever freaking sleep and I either sleep too much or don't or don't sleep enough. So, one of us will probably pick up. Christopher Stockton: That's awesome. And I appreciate y'all trusting me with all this. so if people want to learn more about y'all in the sense of emergency, try the soap or reach out to either of y'all. Where can they go to find out more about the company? Or just reach out to y'all, period. joey: Facebook page is what we've been the the main area we've been posting everything. We do have a web page now, but there is a our phone numbers are on there, our email is on there, we have a contact us button on there and they can send their information and we can reach out to them in the future. but our Facebook is the main our main driving force at the moment. Christopher Stockton: Gotcha. And I will post that in the description as well. Joey, Elaine, thank you all for trusting me with this conversation and looking out for the people beside you. It's amazing. and for everybody listening, check on your people, not just the loud ones. Check on the dependable ones, check on your partners, check on the person who needs the most help that might not be on the stretcher. and make sure if you need support, you contact somebody like Joy was saying, my stuff's posted, their stuff's posted. Contact one of us or contact nine eight eight. You can always text them or call them. So let me go ahead and hit stop. If this damn thing will ever load.