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Transcript

#1700 Terrible Relationship Advice - Harps & Tiff · The You Project

• 0:01
  Speaker 1: Cook, Good morning, Harper be all right morning, I'm very good. Thanks.
• 0:07
  Speaker 2: What have you been doing?
• 0:09
  Speaker 1: Just obsessing over my new toy if I'm honest?
• 0:13
  Speaker 2: Oh god, does the world need another conversation about your
• 0:16
  Speaker 2: motorbike and your new muffler, your new loud motorbike.
• 0:20
  Speaker 1: I had to ring my uncle right before bed just
• 0:23
  Speaker 1: to tell him I was excited for tomorrow just to
• 0:25
  Speaker 1: get up and find a minute to ride it again.
• 0:30
  Speaker 2: That's your uncle who's also a revheaders That correct?
• 0:32
  Speaker 1: That is correct? Because no one else, no one else
• 0:35
  Speaker 1: in not very few in my world, get it. None
• 0:38
  Speaker 1: my girlfriends are going to give me the response I need?
• 0:40
  Speaker 2: Are they? And your boyfriend who you say, isn't your
• 0:44
  Speaker 2: boyfriend that owns the Indian? That isn't your boyfriend? And
• 0:48
  Speaker 2: inverted commons? That guy has he seen has he heard
• 0:51
  Speaker 2: it yet?
• 0:51
  Speaker 1: Yeah?
• 0:52
  Speaker 2: Of course, of course yes.
• 0:54
  Speaker 1: I had to go straight round and give it a rev.
• 0:57
  Speaker 2: Yeah. And what about the motorbike.
• 1:00
  Speaker 1: After Greig? No, don't be silly.
• 1:03
  Speaker 2: Two birds, one stone boom, What are you? What are
• 1:06
  Speaker 2: you going to come out of the out of the
• 1:09
  Speaker 2: darkness and into the light with that relationship? We're all
• 1:12
  Speaker 2: I think you've evolved enough now we're all we're all
• 1:15
  Speaker 2: grown up.
• 1:15
  Speaker 1: It's okay, there's no relationship.
• 1:19
  Speaker 2: There's no relationship. Does he know that?
• 1:21
  Speaker 1: Ship?
• 1:23
  Speaker 2: Does he know that?
• 1:24
  Speaker 1: Usually my relationships or imaginary harps, you know that, friends,
• 1:30
  Speaker 1: imaginary husbands, that's where I do my best relationship work
• 1:35
  Speaker 1: in my imagination, in.
• 1:37
  Speaker 2: The theoretical world. But here in the physical world. Fucking nightmare.
• 1:41
  Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, yeah, well.
• 1:47
  Speaker 2: You know it's I think we can leave the the
• 1:51
  Speaker 2: intimate and romantic relationships to the rest of the world.
• 1:54
  Speaker 2: They all seem to be.
• 1:56
  Speaker 1: They've got covered.
• 1:58
  Speaker 2: I'll tell you what I've done a little bit of.
• 1:59
  Speaker 2: I've been doing some extra curricular coaching lately because of
• 2:02
  Speaker 2: my mentoring group, and everyone in the mentor and group
• 2:05
  Speaker 2: gets a one off sessh.
• 2:07
  Speaker 1: Yeah.
• 2:07
  Speaker 2: Need to be careful what I say next, because I'm
• 2:09
  Speaker 2: not talking about any particular individual and no one knows.
• 2:12
  Speaker 2: But let's just say that, by and large, not too
• 2:18
  Speaker 2: many people are saying to me, oh, my relationship, that's terrific.
• 2:25
  Speaker 2: It's not too many people that when we have a
• 2:28
  Speaker 2: chat about the you know, the old partner, that's it's
• 2:33
  Speaker 2: all glowing. In fact, quite often, Oh it's tough, isn't it.
• 2:38
  Speaker 2: It's a very fucking that's why you and I have
• 2:40
  Speaker 2: dodged that for a long time. Maybe I don't know
• 2:43
  Speaker 2: if we're smart or dumb.
• 2:45
  Speaker 1: I reckon relationships are funny because I reckon there's something
• 2:48
  Speaker 1: that we don't realize, the work that's involved with them,
• 2:52
  Speaker 1: and we want them to make us feel good. And
• 2:55
  Speaker 1: unless they just naturally do meet us where we're at
• 3:00
  Speaker 1: and make us feel good, we just say they're shit
• 3:02
  Speaker 1: or you know, like they're like everything else, like everything else,
• 3:05
  Speaker 1: everything other area of our life. Usually when we want
• 3:09
  Speaker 1: to make it better, we're ready to do the work
• 3:12
  Speaker 1: for us. But usually, yeah, it's only people that are
• 3:16
  Speaker 1: quite evolved that go, I need to work on me
• 3:19
  Speaker 1: or me and my relationship, me and my relationship.
• 3:23
  Speaker 2: Yeah, well that is quite quite insightful for the motorbike
• 3:27
  Speaker 2: Riding Revent with all the commitment issues.
• 3:30
  Speaker 1: It hasn't had a relationship for forty two years.
• 3:34
  Speaker 2: That's all right, No, it's true though, but also both
• 3:37
  Speaker 2: but if there's only one person who has that mindset,
• 3:41
  Speaker 2: then that's not going to work either because both people
• 3:44
  Speaker 2: need to be able to go, well, look, this is
• 3:46
  Speaker 2: not a perfect relationship, which is normal. That's fine, and
• 3:50
  Speaker 2: I'm not perfect, and you're not perfect, but let's individual
• 3:55
  Speaker 2: and collectively work better or work consciously to whatever do
• 4:00
  Speaker 2: better too, you know. And by the way, is this
• 4:03
  Speaker 2: something that we want to genuinely want to be in
• 4:06
  Speaker 2: for the next however many years, or might we be
• 4:10
  Speaker 2: better to amicably go our separate ways, or you know,
• 4:13
  Speaker 2: like I think staying in My religious friends won't like
• 4:18
  Speaker 2: me saying this, but fuck it. I think staying in
• 4:21
  Speaker 2: a relationship through some sense of guilt or obligation or
• 4:26
  Speaker 2: I don't know. There are a myriad of variables around this,
• 4:29
  Speaker 2: of course, and I'm not talking about a banning in
• 4:32
  Speaker 2: kids or of course it's really tough, but if it's
• 4:36
  Speaker 2: just you and the other person and no kids, and
• 4:38
  Speaker 2: then staying in that when it ain't healthy or when
• 4:41
  Speaker 2: it's somewhat toxic. But again, it's easier said than done,
• 4:46
  Speaker 2: and there are a lot of complications for people. I
• 4:49
  Speaker 2: don't know why we opened that door, but I tell
• 4:51
  Speaker 2: you what door we did open. Last time, had you
• 4:54
  Speaker 2: and I had a chat, Do you remember we spoke
• 4:58
  Speaker 2: about this idea of cults of thought and you said,
• 5:01
  Speaker 2: I want to I want to have a chat about that.
• 5:05
  Speaker 1: Yeah, we were finishing on something profound. What was the
• 5:09
  Speaker 1: point we got to where I was like, let's talk
• 5:11
  Speaker 1: about that.
• 5:13
  Speaker 2: Well, I think we were talking about the way that
• 5:15
  Speaker 2: we all see, you know, which we've spoken about many times,
• 5:19
  Speaker 2: but the way that we all see the world through
• 5:21
  Speaker 2: our lens, our filter, all of that. And also, you
• 5:25
  Speaker 2: know very much when when you believe something emphatically, then
• 5:34
  Speaker 2: you absolutely want that to be true because your belief
• 5:39
  Speaker 2: and your identity and your confidence usually all intertwined. And
• 5:44
  Speaker 2: if that belief, if that belief turns out to be bullshit,
• 5:48
  Speaker 2: then that can be very distressing emotionally and psychologically for
• 5:52
  Speaker 2: people and even spiritually because they believed that was almost
• 5:56
  Speaker 2: the basis for how they did life, and then you
• 5:59
  Speaker 2: find out that thing is is perhaps not what you thought.
• 6:03
  Speaker 2: But so I wrote a little something that I'm going
• 6:08
  Speaker 2: to read right which I'm I'm turning into a video
• 6:12
  Speaker 2: later today. I've decided to do a couple of little videos.
• 6:14
  Speaker 2: Did you see my little step up video that I did?
• 6:16
  Speaker 1: Sure did in the oasis.
• 6:18
  Speaker 2: Yeah, out in the bloody the jungle that is my
• 6:21
  Speaker 2: front yard. It's like, it's funny when you and I'll
• 6:25
  Speaker 2: come back to thought cults in a moment, but I
• 6:28
  Speaker 2: don't know. I mean, it hasn't gone viral, but I
• 6:30
  Speaker 2: think on you know, collectively on Facebook and instrum, it's
• 6:34
  Speaker 2: nearly twenty thousand views or something. And I'm like, it's funny,
• 6:38
  Speaker 2: how just doing this little simple exercise where you're lifting
• 6:43
  Speaker 2: yourself up onto a step, a high step in this case.
• 6:47
  Speaker 2: And then you go, well, this is working all the
• 6:49
  Speaker 2: same muscles that you're doing at the gym when you're
• 6:51
  Speaker 2: doing a squat in a rack or a you know,
• 6:54
  Speaker 2: a leg press or a hack squad or and it's
• 6:58
  Speaker 2: working your ass, it's working your quads, it's working your hamstrings.
• 7:02
  Speaker 2: It's hip flexion, hip extension, neflexion, the extension. It's all
• 7:06
  Speaker 2: the same anatomical movements. It's all the same muscles. And
• 7:10
  Speaker 2: you don't need any equipment. You don't need to go anywhere.
• 7:12
  Speaker 2: And I had a few people send me emails, God,
• 7:15
  Speaker 2: that's fucking so good, and I'm like, yeah, and that's
• 7:19
  Speaker 2: so simple. Not the video is so good, but just
• 7:22
  Speaker 2: that they go, oh, I don't need to I don't
• 7:26
  Speaker 2: need to go to a gym. Like if you can
• 7:28
  Speaker 2: go to a gym, it's good. But we can build
• 7:30
  Speaker 2: strength real strength and real function pretty much with zero equipment.
• 7:36
  Speaker 1: What was really really interesting about that or good about
• 7:40
  Speaker 1: that video is that you couldn't get a more simple
• 7:43
  Speaker 1: exercise and you could google and like people, it's nothing.
• 7:46
  Speaker 1: No one didn't know how to do. But what's great
• 7:48
  Speaker 1: about it is information is not application, but the information
• 7:52
  Speaker 1: you provided gives people a level of empowerment to be
• 7:57
  Speaker 1: driven to do it because they get this understanding. It
• 8:00
  Speaker 1: is quite scientific behind stepping up and down on a
• 8:03
  Speaker 1: fucking yeah, And I find that interesting. Like google any
• 8:11
  Speaker 1: at home workout and you get lunges or step ups.
• 8:14
  Speaker 1: No one's running out doing them. Put a video up
• 8:16
  Speaker 1: that empowers people to give a little bit more understanding
• 8:21
  Speaker 1: and they want to buy into the process now.
• 8:25
  Speaker 2: And you think, like if you zoom out and you
• 8:28
  Speaker 2: ask one hundred people, Hey, how many of you would
• 8:31
  Speaker 2: like to have a stronger lower body? Like who's going
• 8:36
  Speaker 2: to go No, who's going to go No? I want
• 8:40
  Speaker 2: to be weak. I want to be wobbly. I want
• 8:43
  Speaker 2: a saggy ass, I want weak, skinny fucking legs. You
• 8:47
  Speaker 2: know who wants that? Nobody wants that. Yeah, Like you go, well,
• 8:51
  Speaker 2: here's here's something that's free. It doesn't require much skill.
• 8:56
  Speaker 2: And by the way, if this what I'm demonstrating is
• 8:58
  Speaker 2: too hard, then make it lower. And if that's too hard,
• 9:01
  Speaker 2: make it lower again. And then when you get good
• 9:03
  Speaker 2: at that low one, make it a little higher, and
• 9:05
  Speaker 2: then over time graduate to this. And then even with
• 9:09
  Speaker 2: the one that I did, which is quite a high
• 9:11
  Speaker 2: step a little bit above knee height, you can still
• 9:14
  Speaker 2: vary the speed. You can still hold some dumbbells or
• 9:18
  Speaker 2: hold a kettle bell, or or if you don't have
• 9:20
  Speaker 2: any of that, I can you know, carry some a
• 9:24
  Speaker 2: bag of grocery. It doesn't matter. Like you could do
• 9:27
  Speaker 2: more reps. You can slow it right down. You know,
• 9:31
  Speaker 2: there are so many ways to create that kind of
• 9:34
  Speaker 2: training effect and that adaptive response without No, you don't
• 9:41
  Speaker 2: need to be a fucking biomechanist or a physiologist or
• 9:44
  Speaker 2: a gym owner. You don't need a gym membership. But
• 9:47
  Speaker 2: if you do this movement that works this muscle, these muscles,
• 9:51
  Speaker 2: and you do it the right way, and you don't
• 9:54
  Speaker 2: just do it for two days, but you do it
• 9:56
  Speaker 2: all the days like you do it the next one
• 9:58
  Speaker 2: hundred days, you're going to have an ass like a
• 10:01
  Speaker 2: fucking Olympic athlete.
• 10:03
  Speaker 1: Well you think about you know, some people would go, oh,
• 10:07
  Speaker 1: you can't build a lot of muscle with body weight,
• 10:09
  Speaker 1: But then okay, we'll break your ankle and once you
• 10:12
  Speaker 1: get your cast off in six months, have a look
• 10:14
  Speaker 1: at the size of one of your legs just from
• 10:17
  Speaker 1: walking on it.
• 10:18
  Speaker 2: One hundred percent one hundred percent. I guess, like one
• 10:23
  Speaker 2: of the things. And this wasn't what I intend to
• 10:25
  Speaker 2: talk about. We'll go to thought cults in a moment.
• 10:27
  Speaker 2: But like when you do any movement, it's like when you,
• 10:31
  Speaker 2: for example, if someone does a push up against the bench,
• 10:33
  Speaker 2: you know where they're feeder on the ground, and you go,
• 10:37
  Speaker 2: I'm leaning against the bench which is weight waist height. Well,
• 10:41
  Speaker 2: now you're doing essentially a version of a push up
• 10:45
  Speaker 2: or a bench press, like biomechanically and anatomically, like what's
• 10:50
  Speaker 2: happening when you do a push up is almost identical,
• 10:53
  Speaker 2: just slightly different angle to what you're doing when you
• 10:55
  Speaker 2: do a bench press. Now, if you can go, well
• 10:59
  Speaker 2: I can't do push ups cool? Or can you do
• 11:02
  Speaker 2: them against the wall, which is a very modified version.
• 11:04
  Speaker 2: Then can you lower your hands so it's a bit harder?
• 11:07
  Speaker 2: Then can you do it on a kitchen bench. Cool. Now,
• 11:09
  Speaker 2: can you do it on a stool? Now? Can you
• 11:12
  Speaker 2: maybe do them on the floor from your knees? Now?
• 11:15
  Speaker 2: Can you maybe do them from your feet? But just
• 11:17
  Speaker 2: do a little movement and then eventually you graduate to
• 11:21
  Speaker 2: where you're doing, you know, a highly modified, intense version
• 11:28
  Speaker 2: of the same movement, where now you've got one foot
• 11:31
  Speaker 2: up on a chair and the other one in free space,
• 11:34
  Speaker 2: and you're doing a push up and you're taking your
• 11:36
  Speaker 2: chest to the ground and you're holding it for a
• 11:39
  Speaker 2: count of five and then exploding up. So you're still
• 11:42
  Speaker 2: doing the same movement in a different way. But what
• 11:45
  Speaker 2: you're doing is you're increasing stress on the muscle. In
• 11:49
  Speaker 2: other words, you're progressing the overload so that your body
• 11:52
  Speaker 2: has to adapt. But we can get one simple exercise
• 11:55
  Speaker 2: that everyone understands, like a squat or a step up
• 12:00
  Speaker 2: or a push up, and manipulate that motherfucker. So there's
• 12:04
  Speaker 2: fifty different versions you could give me an elite athlete.
• 12:08
  Speaker 2: I could train them in my front yard with no
• 12:10
  Speaker 2: equipment and absolutely exhaust them and they get up tomorrow
• 12:14
  Speaker 2: and they're sow as fuck because they've done an intense
• 12:18
  Speaker 2: workout and something that's a bit different saw in a
• 12:20
  Speaker 2: good way, not a bad way everyone, you know. So,
• 12:24
  Speaker 2: but the thing is that a lot of and this
• 12:26
  Speaker 2: is true for everything, Like back to your thing about
• 12:28
  Speaker 2: working on a relationship, it's like, it's really, well, will
• 12:32
  Speaker 2: you just do that work? Because going out into my
• 12:35
  Speaker 2: front yard doing step ups it's not sexy, you know,
• 12:40
  Speaker 2: it's not glamorous. It's not like I'm in the gym
• 12:43
  Speaker 2: using a million bucks worth of equipment with you know,
• 12:46
  Speaker 2: all the music pumping and all the fucking razzle dazzle.
• 12:48
  Speaker 2: I'm just out there in the bamboo on my pat malone,
• 12:54
  Speaker 2: you know, me and the pandas in the bamboo.
• 12:57
  Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, it's all right, all right.
• 13:01
  Speaker 2: So we spoke about this idea of a thought cult,
• 13:06
  Speaker 2: and so let me read to you what I wrote,
• 13:08
  Speaker 2: which I'm going to turn into maybe into a video today,
• 13:11
  Speaker 2: and then we can just kind of riff off that.
• 13:13
  Speaker 2: So thought cults are groups of all kinds religious, social, political, corporate, scientific, spiritual,
• 13:23
  Speaker 2: where your membership in inverted commas to that group is
• 13:26
  Speaker 2: dependent on your willingness to agree, to align and to
• 13:32
  Speaker 2: conform to a prevailing philosophy, ideology, theology, and or set
• 13:37
  Speaker 2: of rules rituals and behaviors, without question, without dissension, and
• 13:43
  Speaker 2: without hesitation, to leave your critical thinking, your discernment, and
• 13:49
  Speaker 2: your instinct at the door, in other words, kind of
• 13:53
  Speaker 2: to put your brain in a jar and go, I'm
• 13:55
  Speaker 2: not going to think. I'll let them think and whatever
• 13:59
  Speaker 2: they think, whatever the group thinks. So it's that consensual thing.
• 14:03
  Speaker 2: Your membership to the thought cult is contingent or dependent
• 14:06
  Speaker 2: on your willingness to live in the echo chamber, to
• 14:11
  Speaker 2: be more like them and less like you, to reject
• 14:15
  Speaker 2: any idea or information that doesn't align with the prevailing doctrine,
• 14:20
  Speaker 2: in other words, the way the group thinks, the way
• 14:24
  Speaker 2: the group operates, what the group believes, and we have
• 14:27
  Speaker 2: very much. And I've been in these environments. I've been
• 14:29
  Speaker 2: in these thought cults where if you don't believe, if
• 14:32
  Speaker 2: you don't conform, if you if you have an idea
• 14:37
  Speaker 2: or a thought that doesn't fit in, you're you know,
• 14:43
  Speaker 2: you're at the very least criticized or discouraged and potentially punished.
• 14:49
  Speaker 2: The objective of all thought cults is to disempower and
• 14:52
  Speaker 2: control you, to convince you that you are not enough,
• 14:56
  Speaker 2: and that life outside the thought cult is certain death,
• 15:00
  Speaker 2: not a literal death than a spiritual, social, psychological, and
• 15:03
  Speaker 2: or emotional death. We are social creatures and pack animals
• 15:09
  Speaker 2: and cult leaders prey on this very human inclination for
• 15:14
  Speaker 2: us to want to be part of something, for us
• 15:17
  Speaker 2: to belong, for us to be part of group. So,
• 15:22
  Speaker 2: if you belong to a group of any kind where
• 15:24
  Speaker 2: you are discouraged, criticized, or even punished for thinking for yourself,
• 15:29
  Speaker 2: for not agreeing, or for not being more like them
• 15:33
  Speaker 2: than you are in a thought cult, and if you're
• 15:36
  Speaker 2: in one, get out, And if you're not in one,
• 15:38
  Speaker 2: don't fucking join. It's true, isn't it? And there are
• 15:42
  Speaker 2: true you think about that in all contexts, even at
• 15:46
  Speaker 2: a fucking dinner. Oh I don't believe you voted for
• 15:51
  Speaker 2: X y Z. What the fuck's wrong with you?
• 15:54
  Speaker 1: Well?
• 15:54
  Speaker 2: How can you eat meat? You don't you know what
• 15:58
  Speaker 2: your mother? I'm like, cool, you be a verigan. I'm not.
• 16:01
  Speaker 2: I'm not trying to make you eat meat. Please, don't
• 16:03
  Speaker 2: try to make me eat fucking tofu. It's okay. We
• 16:06
  Speaker 2: can coexist. I don't need to be like you. I
• 16:08
  Speaker 2: don't need to agree with you, and you don't need
• 16:11
  Speaker 2: to be like me. And you don't need to agree
• 16:14
  Speaker 2: with me, but I don't need to criticize you for
• 16:17
  Speaker 2: your individual choices, And you don't need to criticize me
• 16:21
  Speaker 2: or try to manipulate or control me into a certain
• 16:24
  Speaker 2: way of thinking, because that's how you think. But that
• 16:28
  Speaker 2: is very much how it works in the world, having.
• 16:32
  Speaker 1: An understanding that that is operating beneath the surface in everything.
• 16:38
  Speaker 1: And I was talking about it yesterday and sorry to
• 16:40
  Speaker 1: bring the bike up again, but that idea that when
• 16:43
  Speaker 1: you're writing down the freeway and you ride past another
• 16:46
  Speaker 1: rider of a NOD because there's this whole little club
• 16:49
  Speaker 1: going on, it's like, oh, you're a writer. And I
• 16:51
  Speaker 1: thought to myself, the same thing doesn't happen when someone's
• 16:56
  Speaker 1: driving the same car as you. But when I thought
• 16:58
  Speaker 1: about that, I think about the time and I'm pulling
• 17:00
  Speaker 1: up at work in my Toyota CHR and sometimes my
• 17:04
  Speaker 1: client ten is pulling up in her Toyo to CHR.
• 17:08
  Speaker 1: And if I think about that, there is a recognition
• 17:12
  Speaker 1: and almost a level of connection that I kind of
• 17:15
  Speaker 1: feel and go, oh, we like kind of we're the same. Yeah, yeah, yeah,
• 17:19
  Speaker 1: something really minor and you have to really tune into it.
• 17:23
  Speaker 1: But that's happening all the time with everything we do.
• 17:27
  Speaker 2: Mmmm. And that's like that's good awareness. And look, I mean,
• 17:31
  Speaker 2: by the way, there's nothing wrong with belonging to a group.
• 17:35
  Speaker 2: Like we have a group page for the You Project.
• 17:39
  Speaker 2: We've got three and a half thousand members in our cult.
• 17:43
  Speaker 1: You're a.
• 17:46
  Speaker 2: But I'm always saying, always, don't believe me because you
• 17:50
  Speaker 2: like me, or believe me if you want, or agree
• 17:54
  Speaker 2: with me if you want. Once you do your own
• 17:57
  Speaker 2: thinking and your own research, and your own trial and
• 18:00
  Speaker 2: error and your own kind of whatever, your own work.
• 18:05
  Speaker 2: Like I'm what I'm going to do is I'm going
• 18:06
  Speaker 2: to get on podcasts and I'm going to talk about
• 18:09
  Speaker 2: how I think shit works the end. This is how
• 18:13
  Speaker 2: I think humans work. This is how I think bodies work.
• 18:18
  Speaker 2: This is how I think you can train at home
• 18:20
  Speaker 2: with no equipment. This is you know, this is how
• 18:24
  Speaker 2: I think a podcast could be done in a way
• 18:28
  Speaker 2: to build connection with people. Let's make it organic, let's
• 18:31
  Speaker 2: have a conversation, let's not script it, and we might
• 18:34
  Speaker 2: even create a plan that we don't fucking follow. Well
• 18:37
  Speaker 2: done us, right, But and I would encourage people to
• 18:44
  Speaker 2: challenge what I think, but not criticize just like, well,
• 18:49
  Speaker 2: if you want to criticize, you can, But I mean
• 18:51
  Speaker 2: there's people criticize for the sake of criticizing versus all right, well,
• 19:00
  Speaker 2: you think A and I think B. And while I
• 19:02
  Speaker 2: don't agree with you, that's okay. But nothing in me
• 19:07
  Speaker 2: is compelled to try to psychologically or emotionally leverage you
• 19:12
  Speaker 2: to make you think the way that I think you
• 19:16
  Speaker 2: should think. Like the moment that that shit happens, and
• 19:20
  Speaker 2: that shit happens all the time, alarm bell should be
• 19:24
  Speaker 2: going off. And I mean this happens in families where
• 19:27
  Speaker 2: everybody's got to think the same way and believe the
• 19:30
  Speaker 2: same way, and we've all got to no, no, we
• 19:33
  Speaker 2: all have to get together at Christmas and we all
• 19:36
  Speaker 2: have to do this, and there's going to be a
• 19:38
  Speaker 2: fucking Chris Kringle and whatever. Right, that's very simple, you know,
• 19:43
  Speaker 2: like whatever, it's cool and like I guess some things
• 19:46
  Speaker 2: we go, look, it's not worth fucking ruffling any feathers
• 19:50
  Speaker 2: I'm in. But then there are other things where you go, oh,
• 19:54
  Speaker 2: I don't know, I don't know, like that's actually going
• 19:57
  Speaker 2: to impact my life in some way, that's going to
• 19:59
  Speaker 2: impact the decisions I make. That's going to impact how
• 20:02
  Speaker 2: I eat, or how I move my body, or how
• 20:05
  Speaker 2: I do relationships, or who I vote for, or the
• 20:08
  Speaker 2: kind of lifestyle that I create. If I have to,
• 20:12
  Speaker 2: if I have to tick all of these boxes to
• 20:15
  Speaker 2: stay in this group, and some of those boxes I
• 20:18
  Speaker 2: don't want to tick. I want to cross or you can't, Craig,
• 20:22
  Speaker 2: you can't cross that. You need to tick that, because
• 20:26
  Speaker 2: that's that's the price of admission, and that's the price
• 20:29
  Speaker 2: of membership.
• 20:31
  Speaker 3: So you know, it's like when you when you think
• 20:35
  Speaker 3: that that if you don't belong or when you think that.
• 20:41
  Speaker 2: For example, if you do have your own opinion which
• 20:44
  Speaker 2: doesn't align with the prevailing whatever, then you're going to
• 20:48
  Speaker 2: in inverted commas get in trouble. Well that's a problem.
• 20:52
  Speaker 2: That's a problem. It's like I just spoke to Vin.
• 20:54
  Speaker 2: By the way, Vin said to say loo to you.
• 20:57
  Speaker 2: I i'van to Vinn and like he's he's one of
• 21:04
  Speaker 2: my favorite people in the whole fucking world. I love him.
• 21:08
  Speaker 2: And Hey and I are really different. We're really different.
• 21:11
  Speaker 2: We don't agree on everything. His dad, he's a granddad,
• 21:16
  Speaker 2: he's got three kids. He's like a tradesman, he's an electrician.
• 21:21
  Speaker 2: He's a blokey bloke. He lives in the country. He
• 21:23
  Speaker 2: lives on fucking you know property, well not anymore actually,
• 21:28
  Speaker 2: but you know, the whole kind of and he tongue
• 21:31
  Speaker 2: in cheek. But for a long time he was basical.
• 21:34
  Speaker 2: He used to look at my life and go, that's
• 21:36
  Speaker 2: not a real job. That's not a job, dude. That
• 21:40
  Speaker 2: thing that you do not a job.
• 21:43
  Speaker 4: And like he's he kind of thinks that he doesn't
• 21:46
  Speaker 4: really like but it's like to him and I get it,
• 21:50
  Speaker 4: and I get it, and I look at the way
• 21:51
  Speaker 4: that he does life, I'm like, I would not I
• 21:54
  Speaker 4: would not enjoy what you do because I'm not.
• 21:56
  Speaker 2: Passionate about that. I don't want to do that. I
• 21:58
  Speaker 2: don't have I don't have that kind of brain, I
• 22:00
  Speaker 2: don't have those kind of skills. I don't want to
• 22:02
  Speaker 2: be in that kind of environment. And that's not because
• 22:04
  Speaker 2: he's doing anything wrong. That's because I'm not Vin, and
• 22:08
  Speaker 2: Vin's not me. But we can have disparate or divergent ideas,
• 22:13
  Speaker 2: divergent beliefs, divergent lifestyle, but still have convergence of love
• 22:20
  Speaker 2: and connection and friendship and respect. But where it seems
• 22:26
  Speaker 2: like we're starting to live in a culture where we
• 22:29
  Speaker 2: all have to think the fucking same thing to be
• 22:31
  Speaker 2: friends or to love each other or respect each other.
• 22:35
  Speaker 1: I wonder what my life would look like if I
• 22:38
  Speaker 1: had this awareness when I was late teens and just
• 22:43
  Speaker 1: you know, leaving school and deciding what was going to
• 22:47
  Speaker 1: be my life life. Because even with all the decisions
• 22:54
  Speaker 1: I've made, and especially in later years, when I feel
• 22:57
  Speaker 1: like I've done things, really i've really done things differently
• 23:00
  Speaker 1: in my way, I haven't. Really. When I look at it,
• 23:03
  Speaker 1: I'm like, I'm still bound by so much conditioning of
• 23:07
  Speaker 1: this is what your options are now? Your options are
• 23:10
  Speaker 1: anything in the world. Your options are like, yeah, sell
• 23:15
  Speaker 1: up everything and buy a camper van and travel around
• 23:19
  Speaker 1: the loneliest of the country and do podcasts from here
• 23:22
  Speaker 1: and there and work in cafes along, Like that's an option. Well.
• 23:27
  Speaker 2: I spoke to a guy called Damon Hayhow last week
• 23:29
  Speaker 2: who was on the show, and Damon, did you do that? No?
• 23:33
  Speaker 2: You didn't do that one with me?
• 23:35
  Speaker 1: No?
• 23:35
  Speaker 2: And Damon's Diamond's a fucking that episode's called the Shitsterer
• 23:39
  Speaker 2: because he's a shitsterer, but he's the opposite of a conformist,
• 23:45
  Speaker 2: you know, and he's like, nah, doesn't work, Nah, don't
• 23:48
  Speaker 2: believe it. Nah, you know. And in Covid he moved
• 23:52
  Speaker 2: to the other side of the world and just he
• 23:54
  Speaker 2: found a place where he could, you know, for him,
• 23:57
  Speaker 2: live how he wants to live. And now he lives
• 23:59
  Speaker 2: in Georgia, which orders Russia. And it was just so
• 24:02
  Speaker 2: interesting talking to somebody who's just you know, and not
• 24:07
  Speaker 2: just for the sake of being different, but has chosen
• 24:12
  Speaker 2: his own kind of has his own ideology and philosophy,
• 24:16
  Speaker 2: and he just lives that. I don't have his ideology
• 24:19
  Speaker 2: or philosophy in terms of the exact same model as him.
• 24:24
  Speaker 2: But nonetheless we could get together on a show, respect
• 24:29
  Speaker 2: each other. I think he likes me, I like him.
• 24:31
  Speaker 2: We got on great and it's I find it fucking
• 24:33
  Speaker 2: fascinating to talk to people who don't live like me,
• 24:36
  Speaker 2: think like me necessarily look through the Craig window, which
• 24:39
  Speaker 2: is everyone, of course. But you know, and back to
• 24:42
  Speaker 2: that old chestnut, seek first to understand. It doesn't say
• 24:45
  Speaker 2: seek first to agree, seek first to be like, seek
• 24:49
  Speaker 2: first to judge. It says seek first, just to fucking understand.
• 24:55
  Speaker 1: When you look at what the decisions you've made. Do
• 24:58
  Speaker 1: you think you have the most part operated from a
• 25:01
  Speaker 1: place of getting away from what you don't want or
• 25:06
  Speaker 1: being or chasing what you do want.
• 25:09
  Speaker 2: That's a great question. I couldn't really quantify that, but
• 25:12
  Speaker 2: I would. I don't know, but I think, I mean,
• 25:16
  Speaker 2: I do talk about this concept which you've heard me
• 25:19
  Speaker 2: talk about, of anti goals. So sometimes when I would like,
• 25:24
  Speaker 2: I remember when I would first start doing kind of
• 25:28
  Speaker 2: facilitating goal setting with people back in the day when
• 25:31
  Speaker 2: I really was fucking I don't know, I wouldn't have
• 25:35
  Speaker 2: paid to sit with me, but curiously, some people I
• 25:38
  Speaker 2: would have fucking paid not to sit with me. But anyway,
• 25:42
  Speaker 2: I was making shit up as I went. But I
• 25:44
  Speaker 2: do remember having, you know, some mild success with people
• 25:48
  Speaker 2: and sitting with people going all right, so and this
• 25:51
  Speaker 2: is this was around, you know, when I owned gyms,
• 25:54
  Speaker 2: And of course we would sit and have a consult
• 25:56
  Speaker 2: and talk about all the fundamentals of you know, food
• 25:59
  Speaker 2: and exercise, lifestyle and lifting heavy shits and changing their
• 26:02
  Speaker 2: body and micros and macros and body composition and wait
• 26:06
  Speaker 2: and all of those variables. And then but more broadly,
• 26:09
  Speaker 2: we'd zoom out to kind of life and happiness and
• 26:12
  Speaker 2: purpose and like building a lifestyle, and like even like
• 26:17
  Speaker 2: doing a job which is good for your health, Like
• 26:20
  Speaker 2: even think about that, Like is your job good for
• 26:25
  Speaker 2: your health? There's a fucking podcast right there. And I
• 26:28
  Speaker 2: used to say to people like, do you think overall, physically, mentally,
• 26:31
  Speaker 2: emotionally your job is good for your health, bad for
• 26:34
  Speaker 2: your health, or kind of in between, And more than
• 26:37
  Speaker 2: half of the people would go, it's from a mental
• 26:39
  Speaker 2: and emotional point of view, it's not good because I
• 26:41
  Speaker 2: don't love it. I don't like it. It's it's you know,
• 26:44
  Speaker 2: all of those kinds of things. So I'd end up
• 26:47
  Speaker 2: having philosophical conversations in answer to your question about what
• 26:51
  Speaker 2: they wanted. And I would say, so, you know, like
• 26:55
  Speaker 2: what would be ideal for you? What would be your
• 26:58
  Speaker 2: dream job or your dream situation or your dream environment
• 27:00
  Speaker 2: or whatever. And obviously, as I would have many times
• 27:04
  Speaker 2: through my journey, they go, I don't know, Like I
• 27:07
  Speaker 2: just know I don't want to be here. I don't
• 27:10
  Speaker 2: have absolute clarity. I'm like, good, well, that's a starting point.
• 27:16
  Speaker 2: Could we do the opposite? Could we figure out what
• 27:19
  Speaker 2: you don't want? Right? And this is the process of
• 27:22
  Speaker 2: like anti GOALSI, okay, do you want to wear a suit?
• 27:27
  Speaker 2: If you asked me this, I would have gone no.
• 27:30
  Speaker 2: If you had have said to me, do you want
• 27:32
  Speaker 2: to work in an office? No? Okay? Good, well that
• 27:35
  Speaker 2: cuts out a fucking million jobs? Right? Do you want
• 27:39
  Speaker 2: to work nine to five or a version of that?
• 27:42
  Speaker 4: No?
• 27:43
  Speaker 2: Cool? Do you want to work in the CBD?
• 27:46
  Speaker 1: No?
• 27:47
  Speaker 2: Right? Do you want to have Do you want to
• 27:50
  Speaker 2: sit in a fucking cubicle with fluo's buzzing above your head? No? Good? Okay?
• 27:56
  Speaker 2: Do you want to be a tradesman? No? Okay? Do
• 28:01
  Speaker 2: you want to fix engines and shit? Nah? Right? So
• 28:05
  Speaker 2: then you kind of get down and you go, well,
• 28:07
  Speaker 2: what do I fucking want? Well, like, I'm kind of creative,
• 28:11
  Speaker 2: I'm kind of curious, I'm kind of you know, so,
• 28:16
  Speaker 2: so I think that kind of for me, I was
• 28:19
  Speaker 2: early days kind of moving away from conformity and moving
• 28:24
  Speaker 2: away from tradition and typical, you know, and not not
• 28:32
  Speaker 2: because I wanted to be different or atypical, but just
• 28:36
  Speaker 2: because what was the norm, what was typical, what was
• 28:40
  Speaker 2: common held zero appeal to me, Like the idea of
• 28:44
  Speaker 2: just turning up for work, doing a job, having a
• 28:48
  Speaker 2: boss in an environment, playing a particular role or a
• 28:51
  Speaker 2: version of a particular role for the foreseeable fucking future.
• 28:55
  Speaker 2: I'd rather punch myself in the face. I'd rather make
• 28:58
  Speaker 2: half the money and do something that excited me.
• 29:02
  Speaker 1: I reckon, our mind limits our ability to even recognize
• 29:12
  Speaker 1: or think of the go to the what do I
• 29:15
  Speaker 1: want to be? It's really easy to know what to
• 29:18
  Speaker 1: identify what I definitely don't want. But I reckon most
• 29:21
  Speaker 1: people get lost because we go, well, I don't know,
• 29:25
  Speaker 1: but there's this umbrella over our brain's capacity to let
• 29:30
  Speaker 1: you think of all the opportunities that are actually available
• 29:34
  Speaker 1: to you, because there's so many limitations of our But
• 29:36
  Speaker 1: I'm not this, I'm not that. And also, and for
• 29:39
  Speaker 1: that reason, there's a lot of things we've never tried.
• 29:41
  Speaker 1: I'd never tried podcasting. I didn't know how much I
• 29:43
  Speaker 1: was going to love it till one day I just
• 29:46
  Speaker 1: tried it. So I think trying different things is really powerful.
• 29:50
  Speaker 1: But yeah, it's a really good point.
• 29:53
  Speaker 2: Think about this. I want you to think about this
• 29:55
  Speaker 2: for a moment. So I have a mansion. In this analogy,
• 30:01
  Speaker 2: I have a mansion, and there's there's a hundred bedrooms
• 30:05
  Speaker 2: there's one hundred recreational rooms, there's a gym, there's fucking playgrounds.
• 30:10
  Speaker 2: It's the biggest house in the world. Fuck, it's amazing
• 30:13
  Speaker 2: this house. Right, And you have been living in one
• 30:18
  Speaker 2: room your whole life. You've been in one room, and
• 30:22
  Speaker 2: in that room, it's pretty good. In that room. You know,
• 30:24
  Speaker 2: you can do lots of shit, and you can eat,
• 30:26
  Speaker 2: and you can live, and you can look on the
• 30:28
  Speaker 2: internet and you can have limited experiences. Right, But all
• 30:33
  Speaker 2: you have to do is open the fucking door to
• 30:36
  Speaker 2: the room. And there are a thousand other rooms. There
• 30:40
  Speaker 2: are all these rooms. I believe that most people's brain,
• 30:44
  Speaker 2: and most people's thinking, and most people's existence is a
• 30:48
  Speaker 2: version of that. We all have access to this myriad
• 30:52
  Speaker 2: of rooms and spaces and places and options and lessons.
• 30:58
  Speaker 2: But we stay in a room. We stay in a
• 31:00
  Speaker 2: metaphoric room. We live in our little box. We don't
• 31:03
  Speaker 2: get outside the box, and we think our box is
• 31:06
  Speaker 2: the world.
• 31:09
  Speaker 1: If you that's so good. That is the best analogy.
• 31:13
  Speaker 1: If you were me, from what you know of me,
• 31:15
  Speaker 1: what door would you open in that mansion?
• 31:18
  Speaker 2: I just think, I don't like I just think having
• 31:22
  Speaker 2: new and different experiences, like I truly think this. Hanging
• 31:27
  Speaker 2: out with people who are not like you, hanging out
• 31:30
  Speaker 2: with people who do not think like you, hanging out
• 31:33
  Speaker 2: with people from different cultures and religions and mindsets, not
• 31:37
  Speaker 2: so that you become them, but so you get away
• 31:40
  Speaker 2: from a version of you. Most of us hang out
• 31:43
  Speaker 2: with a version of us. Ergo confirmation bias, Ergo the
• 31:48
  Speaker 2: echo chamber, ergo the cult of thought. Back to our
• 31:52
  Speaker 2: starting point. Right, But when I mean, he's not there anymore.
• 31:58
  Speaker 2: But there used to be a guy called Muhammed across
• 32:00
  Speaker 2: the road who worked in the cafe, who's a Muslim,
• 32:05
  Speaker 2: And every day I would go get my coffee and
• 32:07
  Speaker 2: I would say to him, teach me something from the Quran,
• 32:11
  Speaker 2: or teach me something. Teach me like some kind of
• 32:14
  Speaker 2: principle from your faith. Right, because I grew up a Christian,
• 32:18
  Speaker 2: I grew up I've given like I've opened the Buddhism
• 32:22
  Speaker 2: door for a little bit of a squizz. I've opened
• 32:24
  Speaker 2: quite a few doors. But I want to just And
• 32:27
  Speaker 2: it's not because oh I want to become a Muslim,
• 32:29
  Speaker 2: or I want to become a Buddhist, or I'm looking
• 32:31
  Speaker 2: into atheism, or oh I'm going to dive back into whatever.
• 32:35
  Speaker 2: It's like. No, here's a person who has a different culture,
• 32:38
  Speaker 2: different life, a different way of living, different thoughts. I
• 32:43
  Speaker 2: just want to pull back the curtain and see what's
• 32:45
  Speaker 2: in his mind, right, seek first to understand. And so
• 32:49
  Speaker 2: I think. I think when we have new experiences and
• 32:53
  Speaker 2: do new things, like, out of that, not always, but
• 32:57
  Speaker 2: sometimes out of that we go, oh my god, how
• 33:00
  Speaker 2: long has this been here? Like for me doing a
• 33:03
  Speaker 2: PhD and it you know, and I don't say that
• 33:07
  Speaker 2: with any arrogance, because I'm not, by the way, everyone
• 33:10
  Speaker 2: in case you didn't get, I'm not very good at it, right,
• 33:12
  Speaker 2: I'm I'm a fucking if they hand it out like
• 33:16
  Speaker 2: ABC D in which they don't in p I'm a
• 33:18
  Speaker 2: C student, right, I just fucking I just you know,
• 33:21
  Speaker 2: stumble along. But for me, it's like, oh, there's a
• 33:25
  Speaker 2: whole new world of people that are not like the
• 33:28
  Speaker 2: people that I usually hang out with, and they're really cool,
• 33:33
  Speaker 2: Like they're kind of geeks, but they're cool. They're cool geeks,
• 33:37
  Speaker 2: and they're not like me. And I'm not like them,
• 33:39
  Speaker 2: and I'm not better or worse. I'm just not them,
• 33:41
  Speaker 2: and they're not better or worse they're just not me,
• 33:44
  Speaker 2: but I can learn from them. You know, you think
• 33:46
  Speaker 2: about and you've met Chris and Odko. Chris is my
• 33:49
  Speaker 2: senior supervisor in my PhD. He speaks six languages. He
• 33:55
  Speaker 2: was born in Romania. He grew up in Russia, not
• 33:59
  Speaker 2: Romanian Mongoli, and grew up in Russia and France. He's
• 34:04
  Speaker 2: got two PhDs. He's a professor. His wife, od Co,
• 34:08
  Speaker 2: also is a PhD. She's a doctor and doing another PhD.
• 34:12
  Speaker 2: They are so nothing like me, as you well know.
• 34:17
  Speaker 2: I mean, I'm at one end of what it is
• 34:19
  Speaker 2: to be a human scale. They're at the other end.
• 34:23
  Speaker 2: But I fucking love them and they are so good
• 34:26
  Speaker 2: for me because they're nothing like me. Their humor is
• 34:30
  Speaker 2: not like mine, their personality, the way they communicate their language,
• 34:34
  Speaker 2: the way they think, the way they do life, you know,
• 34:37
  Speaker 2: and it's amazing. It's amazing, Like I don't want to
• 34:41
  Speaker 2: hang out with people like me. I fucking spend too
• 34:44
  Speaker 2: much time with myself anyway. You know. It's like, yeah,
• 34:49
  Speaker 2: and I think that that willingness to stop trying to
• 34:53
  Speaker 2: find people who tell you what you're not you I'm
• 34:55
  Speaker 2: talking in general, stop trying to find people who make
• 34:58
  Speaker 2: you feel better about yourself. That's just fear and insecurity
• 35:02
  Speaker 2: by people who disagree with you. And then go, what
• 35:05
  Speaker 2: is that about. I'm not talking about people who are
• 35:09
  Speaker 2: you know, violent and fucking outspoken and aggressive. I'm not
• 35:13
  Speaker 2: talking about that. I'm just talking about, Oh, I believe
• 35:15
  Speaker 2: this and you believe that. Can I just can we
• 35:18
  Speaker 2: have a chat? What is that about? And you know,
• 35:22
  Speaker 2: back to your other question about young you. I was
• 35:27
  Speaker 2: just going to say, I'll shut up after this. So
• 35:31
  Speaker 2: one of the people in my mentoring group as a
• 35:34
  Speaker 2: young guy called Ozzie, and I think I can say that.
• 35:37
  Speaker 2: And Ozzie wants to be a professional surfer. So Ozzie's
• 35:42
  Speaker 2: family live in wa he lives in Queensland at seventeen
• 35:46
  Speaker 2: by himself, just trying to get on the world circuit, right,
• 35:51
  Speaker 2: and so he wants to be I mean, he wants
• 35:55
  Speaker 2: to be the world champion. He wants to be the
• 35:56
  Speaker 2: best surfer in the world. Right. So now he's just
• 35:58
  Speaker 2: a young, very very good, very talented athlete who's trying
• 36:02
  Speaker 2: to figure out life and food and training and recovery
• 36:06
  Speaker 2: and relationships and how to be like a kid but
• 36:10
  Speaker 2: almost a man, not quite a man. Not really a kid.
• 36:14
  Speaker 2: It's a fucking messy time, right. And I was talking
• 36:17
  Speaker 2: to him the other day because he missed one of
• 36:20
  Speaker 2: our sessions. I love him, by the way, He's such
• 36:22
  Speaker 2: a good kid. And he sent me a message, which
• 36:27
  Speaker 2: I'm so proud of a seventeen year old sending me
• 36:30
  Speaker 2: a message saying can we talk? I'm like, fuck, what's
• 36:34
  Speaker 2: seventeen year old? Does that for a star? Right, I'm like,
• 36:36
  Speaker 2: course we can chat. So we had a WhatsApp video
• 36:40
  Speaker 2: call for about twenty minutes, and it really occurred to
• 36:43
  Speaker 2: me as I was talking to him that while I
• 36:46
  Speaker 2: can teach him and coach him and support him and
• 36:49
  Speaker 2: I do, he also needs to go through all the
• 36:53
  Speaker 2: shit himself. Yeah, you know, he needs to get his
• 36:57
  Speaker 2: heart broken three times fucking you know, eat some shit
• 37:02
  Speaker 2: like fuck up, fall down, you know, get injured, recover,
• 37:08
  Speaker 2: get disappointed, get devastated, win, lose, step up, step down,
• 37:12
  Speaker 2: fall over.
• 37:13
  Speaker 1: You know.
• 37:13
  Speaker 2: It's like, yes, I can teach and coach and support
• 37:16
  Speaker 2: and love, but really and that is good. That is good,
• 37:20
  Speaker 2: but nothing takes the place of experience. Yeah, like you
• 37:25
  Speaker 2: can take that awareness or that that kind of theoretical understanding.
• 37:31
  Speaker 2: It's like if I said to you, hey, TIF, when
• 37:33
  Speaker 2: you ride your bike, whatever you do, don't do this
• 37:36
  Speaker 2: out on the road, well then you you know, but
• 37:38
  Speaker 2: then you've got to go and apply it to benefit
• 37:40
  Speaker 2: from that.
• 37:43
  Speaker 1: So yeah, when you were talking before, you were describing
• 37:48
  Speaker 1: exactly what I hadn't articulated or maybe even recognized. But
• 37:53
  Speaker 1: prior to taking that recent trip to India on retreat,
• 37:58
  Speaker 1: when people said what are you going for or what
• 38:00
  Speaker 1: do you want out of it? My answer was I
• 38:03
  Speaker 1: want to get away from all of the things that
• 38:05
  Speaker 1: currently influence who I am. I want to leave this
• 38:08
  Speaker 1: version of this part of my identity behind. And it
• 38:14
  Speaker 1: just so what you were saying landed one hundred percent.
• 38:17
  Speaker 1: I was like, that's exactly what I was doing, you know.
• 38:19
  Speaker 1: And when I came back, what's interesting is there was
• 38:22
  Speaker 1: this huge identity shift because I was able to park that.
• 38:26
  Speaker 1: But what was interesting once I remember recently thinking what
• 38:31
  Speaker 1: what could I what hobby could I do? Maybe I
• 38:34
  Speaker 1: could do something creative or you know, I really enjoyed
• 38:37
  Speaker 1: that a couple of years ago, that short little improv workshop,
• 38:43
  Speaker 1: and I was like, that's not a me thing to do,
• 38:44
  Speaker 1: because the me thing to do was always I spend
• 38:48
  Speaker 1: a million hours in the gym. I do my boxing
• 38:50
  Speaker 1: and my boxer I do fitness. So there was this
• 38:53
  Speaker 1: container around the ideas of what I might do next
• 38:57
  Speaker 1: that was boxing myself in to Oh, well, I guess
• 39:01
  Speaker 1: jiu jitsu would be the thing, because that's almost the same,
• 39:04
  Speaker 1: that's what someone like me would do.
• 39:06
  Speaker 2: And it's like, hang on, ah, that's so interesting.
• 39:10
  Speaker 1: Yeah, And that peeled away and now I'm like, oh,
• 39:13
  Speaker 1: like I could do in problem. Maybe I could go
• 39:15
  Speaker 1: and do an art course or maybe like what else
• 39:17
  Speaker 1: could I do with all that time I now have
• 39:20
  Speaker 1: because I'm not doing that side of training?
• 39:24
  Speaker 2: Do you know similar to this? You know Lisa Stevenson
• 39:27
  Speaker 2: who owns the coach Place, right, you know Lisa? Yeah,
• 39:30
  Speaker 2: so Lisa, Happy birthday, Lisa. Lisa's turning fifty on the weekend.
• 39:36
  Speaker 2: She probably fucking shoot me dead for saying that, Sorry, Lisa,
• 39:40
  Speaker 2: but she's turning fifty on the weekend and she's having
• 39:42
  Speaker 2: a big shin dig up in I think Byron Bay
• 39:45
  Speaker 2: or something. But so Lisa's been on the show. Everyone
• 39:48
  Speaker 2: but Lisa's Lisa's She would admit, you know, she's a
• 39:56
  Speaker 2: girly girl, right, She's like or a lady. Right, she's
• 40:01
  Speaker 2: you know, fucking hair and makeup and nails and you know,
• 40:07
  Speaker 2: fine dining and wine and you know, beautiful dresses and
• 40:12
  Speaker 2: fashion and you know, like she loves all that very
• 40:18
  Speaker 2: you know for me, I don't know what you call it,
• 40:21
  Speaker 2: but you know that that she loves all that refinery
• 40:24
  Speaker 2: and all that whatever. And then about it might be
• 40:28
  Speaker 2: two years ago. Now she rang me and she goes,
• 40:32
  Speaker 2: guess what. I go what she goes, I got my
• 40:35
  Speaker 2: motorbike license. And I'm like, yeah, what, I'm like, you
• 40:39
  Speaker 2: what you what? I'm like, No, you didn't that you're
• 40:44
  Speaker 2: not a motorbike license? Getting person like you don't get
• 40:49
  Speaker 2: your motorbike. And what is funny is like I can't
• 40:52
  Speaker 2: remember what precipitated it right now. So she's got a
• 40:56
  Speaker 2: she's got a scooter, but she's got a big which
• 40:58
  Speaker 2: like relatively a big scoot. She's got a three hundred
• 41:01
  Speaker 2: cc Vespa, which is like, considering scooters start at fifty cc,
• 41:06
  Speaker 2: it's quite a you know, it's a reasonably powerful scooter,
• 41:11
  Speaker 2: like you can comfortably ride on the freeway at one
• 41:14
  Speaker 2: hundred or one hundred and ten whatever the limit is, right, Yeah,
• 41:16
  Speaker 2: And it's so funny because she and this is more
• 41:20
  Speaker 2: my judgment than anything. You go, oh, she's not that.
• 41:24
  Speaker 2: Oh she fucking loves it, and it's so not her.
• 41:28
  Speaker 2: But she has said so many times one of the
• 41:30
  Speaker 2: best things I've ever done, Like how weird is that,
• 41:36
  Speaker 2: you know, one of the best things I've ever done
• 41:38
  Speaker 2: was I went and got my motorbike license and you know,
• 41:42
  Speaker 2: I sent her a message the other day to say,
• 41:45
  Speaker 2: you know, happy birthday because she's gone away and all that.
• 41:49
  Speaker 2: And yes, she was telling me that her son's got
• 41:52
  Speaker 2: a motorbike, one of her sons, and she's just gone
• 41:55
  Speaker 2: for a big ride with her son down the coast,
• 41:58
  Speaker 2: and I'm like, buck, yeah, you know, I think when
• 42:01
  Speaker 2: you open that like even even you know, using it's
• 42:07
  Speaker 2: not about motorbikes, but just having a different experience. The
• 42:09
  Speaker 2: amount of people. Remember I've had a motorbike on the
• 42:13
  Speaker 2: road since I was eighteen, so that's forty three years.
• 42:16
  Speaker 2: I've taken more than one hundred people who kind of
• 42:21
  Speaker 2: didn't really want to go, but they were a bit curious.
• 42:24
  Speaker 2: They were like three out of ten curious, seven out
• 42:26
  Speaker 2: of ten terrified, and then they got back there like
• 42:31
  Speaker 2: that's it. That's it. I'm getting a motorbike, or that's it.
• 42:34
  Speaker 2: Take me again? Where can we go? Now? Can you
• 42:37
  Speaker 2: take me on the fast one? Now that's what people say,
• 42:40
  Speaker 2: can you take because I've got a few motorbikes, I
• 42:42
  Speaker 2: take them on the gentle one so we can just tinker.
• 42:45
  Speaker 2: Then they're like, oh, want to go on the fast one.
• 42:47
  Speaker 2: I'm like, you don't, but you know, but it's funny
• 42:51
  Speaker 2: And the point is just having a new experience can
• 42:56
  Speaker 2: like blow your mind.
• 42:57
  Speaker 1: But look at how we prime others because of our
• 43:02
  Speaker 1: identification of them. So you're the way you speak to
• 43:06
  Speaker 1: and treat li, so it keeps her in that identity.
• 43:10
  Speaker 1: So you're the motorbike guy who she would have conversations
• 43:16
  Speaker 1: with and would be reading body language, and even on
• 43:19
  Speaker 1: a tiny level, that would reinforce her belief that I'm
• 43:22
  Speaker 1: not a motorbike person. Yes, yes, I may do that
• 43:26
  Speaker 1: and intentionally all the time.
• 43:28
  Speaker 2: Ah, completely agree, completely agree. And you know a nas
• 43:34
  Speaker 2: n in that famous author that I've quoted a thousand times,
• 43:38
  Speaker 2: we don't see things as they are. We see things
• 43:40
  Speaker 2: as we are.
• 43:41
  Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, you know, we're.
• 43:44
  Speaker 2: Always looking through the tiff lens. The Craig lens like, well,
• 43:47
  Speaker 2: I don't see reality. I don't see reality. I see
• 43:51
  Speaker 2: my version of reality. And one of the myriad of
• 43:55
  Speaker 2: problems in society today is that everyone thinks that their
• 43:58
  Speaker 2: reality is the in inverted Comma's capital thch reality. No, dude,
• 44:05
  Speaker 2: it's not the reality. That's just how you see it.
• 44:08
  Speaker 2: And when you can recognize the distance between your subjective
• 44:13
  Speaker 2: interpretation or your story and the otherwise meaningless event or
• 44:20
  Speaker 2: situation or whatever, when you can see the space between
• 44:25
  Speaker 2: what's happening and your story, then you start to get
• 44:29
  Speaker 2: an awareness bigger than you. Then you start to get
• 44:33
  Speaker 2: a real kind of self awareness and social awareness and
• 44:37
  Speaker 2: situational awareness where you go, ah, I'm just living in
• 44:41
  Speaker 2: this fucking room in this mansion, and I think the
• 44:44
  Speaker 2: room is the mansion, but it's just the room, you know,
• 44:49
  Speaker 2: And then you go, ah, the mansion. You're like fuck.
• 44:52
  Speaker 2: Then you get in a drone and you go up
• 44:55
  Speaker 2: from the mansion and you realize there are a fucking
• 44:58
  Speaker 2: billion mansions, and then you zoom out and you go, oh, fuck,
• 45:02
  Speaker 2: that's just a billion mansions in one country. Oh my god.
• 45:08
  Speaker 2: So we're literally living in a fucking drop of water
• 45:11
  Speaker 2: in an ocean of possibilities, thinking that our drop of
• 45:15
  Speaker 2: water is the fucking ocean.
• 45:17
  Speaker 1: And zoom out even further. You just made me visualize
• 45:20
  Speaker 1: in my mind sitting at the top of the Himalayas
• 45:23
  Speaker 1: and going, fuck, I'm here for a heartbeat. Nothing even matters,
• 45:27
  Speaker 1: what the fuck's right, nothing matters. These mountains are going
• 45:30
  Speaker 1: to be here for millions, billions, bions, right, and I'm
• 45:33
  Speaker 1: going to be dead in a moment.
• 45:35
  Speaker 2: And we all think we're fucking special, but we're just
• 45:37
  Speaker 2: one of eight billion. You know, I'm not trying to
• 45:40
  Speaker 2: be but it's like, not that you're not special, but
• 45:43
  Speaker 2: it's like there's another eight billion of here, so not
• 45:46
  Speaker 2: that special, you know, same with me. It doesn't mean
• 45:50
  Speaker 2: that you're not special to someone, doesn't mean you're not
• 45:53
  Speaker 2: precious to someone. But in the context of humanity, you
• 45:58
  Speaker 2: and me are fucking belly button fluff.
• 46:01
  Speaker 1: You know. Yeah, And realizing that even becoming aware of
• 46:05
  Speaker 1: this stuff, this high level thinking, doesn't excuse you from it.
• 46:11
  Speaker 1: Like even when you become aware of your bias, aware
• 46:14
  Speaker 1: of choosing your beliefs and your thoughts, you still walk
• 46:17
  Speaker 1: out into the street and whatever that current days programming
• 46:21
  Speaker 1: of focuses is what you'll see and how you'll think
• 46:24
  Speaker 1: about it, and probably and you'll still grapple with parts
• 46:27
  Speaker 1: of it that you don't want to be focused on
• 46:31
  Speaker 1: the way you are, Yeah, or you can go to
• 46:34
  Speaker 1: you far the other way, like you're still a product
• 46:36
  Speaker 1: of the unconscious thinking.
• 46:39
  Speaker 2: Yeah, I mean we me included, you included. We're all biased.
• 46:43
  Speaker 2: We think we're not biased.
• 46:45
  Speaker 1: You know.
• 46:46
  Speaker 2: The idea of thinking that you are completely open minded
• 46:49
  Speaker 2: and objective demonstrates your lack of understanding of how the
• 46:53
  Speaker 2: mind works, because you can't be because if you have
• 46:58
  Speaker 2: any pre existing ideas or beliefs, or values or experiences
• 47:03
  Speaker 2: or prejudice or bias, which we all do, then you
• 47:08
  Speaker 2: can't be objective. You could be more or less objective
• 47:11
  Speaker 2: about certain things that you may know more or less about.
• 47:15
  Speaker 2: Like if you said to me, aps, I want to
• 47:18
  Speaker 2: tell you what is the best fucking way to knit
• 47:21
  Speaker 2: a cardigan? I'm like, I'm sure, I'm in so I
• 47:24
  Speaker 2: know fucking nothing.
• 47:26
  Speaker 3: You know.
• 47:27
  Speaker 2: It's like, but if I'm a knitter and I'm all
• 47:30
  Speaker 2: over knitting and will and fucking needles, I'm sorry, ladies
• 47:33
  Speaker 2: or men. I apologize even then saying ladies like the
• 47:36
  Speaker 2: fuck of course, not only you know, it's like this
• 47:39
  Speaker 2: is the thing, you know, It's like we have we
• 47:44
  Speaker 2: have so much a programming, like from from now until
• 47:51
  Speaker 2: whenever whoever's listening to this, from when you were born,
• 47:54
  Speaker 2: or from when you could comprehend anything, from when you
• 47:57
  Speaker 2: could process any data on any level, understand on any
• 48:01
  Speaker 2: level until these words that I'm saying now, Between then
• 48:04
  Speaker 2: and now, you've been programmed, trained, conditioned, And that's cool.
• 48:08
  Speaker 2: So have I. And it's not about undoing that. It's
• 48:12
  Speaker 2: about recognizing that, you know, because you know, the beginning
• 48:16
  Speaker 2: of real awareness, as I've said twenty times on this show,
• 48:20
  Speaker 2: is to recognize our lack of awareness. To become more conscious,
• 48:24
  Speaker 2: we have to acknowledge how unconscious we are. You know.
• 48:28
  Speaker 2: That is the epitome of conscious living. Is to realize
• 48:34
  Speaker 2: that you are, day by day, for better or worse,
• 48:37
  Speaker 2: consciously or not, shaping and designing and inhabiting your own
• 48:41
  Speaker 2: version of reality. Now, whether or not you're making decisions
• 48:45
  Speaker 2: or you're just responding to the decisions and behaviors of
• 48:48
  Speaker 2: others is the key, because if you are just a
• 48:52
  Speaker 2: passenger on the U bus rather than the driver of
• 48:57
  Speaker 2: the U bus, then your life will definitely not look
• 49:00
  Speaker 2: the way you want it to look and be the
• 49:02
  Speaker 2: way you want it to be. And this is where
• 49:05
  Speaker 2: it is so easy. When your life already has a
• 49:08
  Speaker 2: level of momentum, which every life does. It's like a
• 49:10
  Speaker 2: river flowing. Like the river keeps flowing. The river doesn't
• 49:15
  Speaker 2: stop like it's flowing, and your life has an energy,
• 49:18
  Speaker 2: has a life force, and it continues whether or not
• 49:22
  Speaker 2: you're consciously acting upon it or not. You know, you
• 49:28
  Speaker 2: get out of bed, everything's still, you know, like the
• 49:31
  Speaker 2: coffee shop still there. People are still doing their shit.
• 49:33
  Speaker 2: My mum and dad are still getting up in the
• 49:35
  Speaker 2: tro valley doing their thing. You're over there and wherever
• 49:37
  Speaker 2: the fuck you live, doing what you do, and everything
• 49:40
  Speaker 2: keeps I don't know, everything keeps outward, everything keeps happening.
• 49:45
  Speaker 2: Done you take me ten years, you know all that
• 49:49
  Speaker 2: you know, and we kind of step in and out
• 49:51
  Speaker 2: of that inertia, that flow, that energy. But in order
• 49:54
  Speaker 2: for you know, for me to go, well how I
• 49:57
  Speaker 2: would like my life to look and operate in a
• 49:59
  Speaker 2: year from now, well, then I've got to act on
• 50:02
  Speaker 2: that flow. I've got to inject my energy into what
• 50:06
  Speaker 2: is already there. You know, And this is where we
• 50:09
  Speaker 2: start to live intentionally, not unintentionally, where we are just
• 50:14
  Speaker 2: almost a character in our own story. As I've said
• 50:18
  Speaker 2: many times, I feel like we covered some ground.
• 50:22
  Speaker 1: I love it. Sometimes I think so deeply about this
• 50:25
  Speaker 1: stuff it feels like my brain implodes on itself and
• 50:28
  Speaker 1: I have to just pack up and go. Look, just
• 50:30
  Speaker 1: go go for a walk. This is where you're even going.
• 50:34
  Speaker 2: Sometimes we talk and I think, do we actually say
• 50:36
  Speaker 2: anything that's going to help anyone? And I think no,
• 50:38
  Speaker 2: And then I think, well did we? But it's like
• 50:41
  Speaker 2: it's really just without bringing out that old chestnut too much,
• 50:46
  Speaker 2: but it's just met a cognition. It's just thinking about
• 50:48
  Speaker 2: how we think. It's thinking about how we think. It's
• 50:51
  Speaker 2: thinking about how others think. It's having self awareness in
• 50:54
  Speaker 2: the moment. You know. If it's been great, and please
• 50:59
  Speaker 2: stop sending me photos of puppies for adoption.
• 51:03
  Speaker 1: What do you think of this morning? She's a bit curious,
• 51:05
  Speaker 1: isn't she.
• 51:05
  Speaker 2: Oh she's very cute. She sent me a picture this morning.
• 51:08
  Speaker 2: It's a labrador pit no staffy cross.
• 51:14
  Speaker 1: You need a strong handler.
• 51:16
  Speaker 2: It needs very cute face.
• 51:19
  Speaker 1: Yeah.
• 51:19
  Speaker 2: I couldn't see the body though, I couldn't. Oh my god,
• 51:22
  Speaker 2: do you know what I This is probably for off
• 51:25
  Speaker 2: the but fuck it, let's do it on the podcast. Hey, everyone,
• 51:27
  Speaker 2: you're welcome. When I get I should even post it
• 51:31
  Speaker 2: in the group. I'll post in the group. I think, oh,
• 51:36
  Speaker 2: it's such a funny looking dog. I'll send it to you.
• 51:39
  Speaker 2: You will send me back ten laughing faces. It's a
• 51:42
  Speaker 2: cross between a labrador, so it looks exactly like a
• 51:46
  Speaker 2: lab right lab face, lab coat, and a corgy. So
• 51:52
  Speaker 2: it's like a lab that's fucking three inches off the ground.
• 51:56
  Speaker 2: You know those cars where they take out the springs
• 51:59
  Speaker 2: and they lower them. It's like the labrador that's been
• 52:03
  Speaker 2: taken into the shop and lowered, and he's instead of
• 52:07
  Speaker 2: his legs being like a foot long, they're like fucking
• 52:10
  Speaker 2: three inches. Oh it's the cutest, weirdest looking thing ever.
• 52:14
  Speaker 1: When I was little, I had a dog called Rocky
• 52:16
  Speaker 1: and it was I don't know what it was, but
• 52:18
  Speaker 1: maybe across a dashhound cross, beagle cross, maybe Jack Russells.
• 52:26
  Speaker 1: Had this stumpy, big long body and these two stupid
• 52:30
  Speaker 1: little legs that it couldn't hold with a kind of
• 52:32
  Speaker 1: a Jack russelly but round a face. God, he was cool.
• 52:37
  Speaker 1: I taught him to beg too. You know, they've got
• 52:38
  Speaker 1: the long bodies and he looks so funny.
• 52:41
  Speaker 2: Okay, now I'm going to send I'm going to send
• 52:43
  Speaker 2: this to you on air right now, just because I
• 52:47
  Speaker 2: want you to, Oh my god, I want you to
• 52:50
  Speaker 2: have a look in real time. I'm going to send
• 52:54
  Speaker 2: it to Team typ send. This is a terrible thing
• 53:00
  Speaker 2: to do on if you're ever hosting a podcast, anyone,
• 53:02
  Speaker 2: it's gone to you. If you ever host, you ever.
• 53:05
  Speaker 1: Host exactly the body shape of Rocky.
• 53:09
  Speaker 2: How cute is that little motherfucker? Look at him?
• 53:13
  Speaker 1: Oh my god, cross labrador for sure.
• 53:18
  Speaker 2: Yeah, that's why. That's what it says corgy cross labrador,
• 53:20
  Speaker 2: and they call them a corgodor. Oh god, look at
• 53:24
  Speaker 2: his little face and his weirdy little legs. We want
• 53:28
  Speaker 2: to squash his Oh all right, everybody that'll do over
• 53:34
  Speaker 2: and out.