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Raising Thankful Kids: Simple Habits That Build Gratitude · Talking FACS

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  Welcome to Talking FACS, what you need to know about family,
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  food, finance, and fitness.
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  This nationally recognized, award-winning podcast is hosted by the University
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  of Kentucky Family and Consumer Sciences Extension Program.
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  and communities to improve quality of life.
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  Having a grateful heart makes the world look better for everyone.
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  I am Mindy McCulley, Extension Specialist for Instructional Support with Family
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  and Consumer Sciences Extension, and your host for Talking FACS.
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  And this week on Talking FACS, where we share information that you can use
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  to strengthen your family, your community, and our state,
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  My guest, Dr. David Weisenhorn, our Extension Specialist for Parenting and Child
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  Development, is going to share with us how we can raise thankful kids.
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  So welcome David thank you Mindy I'm so grateful that you are here to share
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  with me this important topic I love it I love it you know it's it's funny,
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  Because we talk a lot in my family about gratitude. It's something I really
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  work hard on. And I get a lot of questions about how to create empathy.
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  And it's interesting because I think a lot of times empathy is different than gratitude. It is.
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  Definitionally, it's defined different. But it's also kind of a different skill.
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  I think they go hand in hand.
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  But gratitude is so important. And it's such a good thing. When you think about
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  empathy, gratitude kind of goes in that direction.
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  So how do I create this sensitive, compassionate side of myself that can be
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  lended out, that can open itself up to other people?
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  How can I allow other people to see it, but also how can I give that to other
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  people? Well, it starts with how we create it in ourselves.
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  Gratitude is so much more than just saying thank you, right?
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  It is an emotional skill that promotes resilience. It gives optimism,
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  and it really promotes social connection.
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  And so who wouldn't want to give that to our kids, right? I want to give you
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  resilience. We talk about an optimistic child, someone who can look,
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  even though when things don't look great, they can say, oh, no, I think I'm hopeful.
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  I think it's going to be good. I think this is going to be a good outcome.
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  And then connecting to our peers, of course, we want that.
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  What is the research telling us about gratitude? All the research shows that
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  grateful children experience higher levels of well-being, that they have better
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  relationships, and they have stronger academics.
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  And you wonder why that is, Mindy. I'm like, how can that be the outcome?
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  But if you think about it, it really makes a lot of sense, right?
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  Well, of course. So how can parents foster these behaviors?
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  The parents play a big role in that because we have to, again,
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  one of the things I feel like I say all the time, because we got to model it.
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  We have to show our children what to do. They're always looking to us to do
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  it. So we got to model it. We have to talk about it.
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  What they're thankful for. We have to talk about what are they thankful for
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  and then how can we create a daily practice, or you might call it a daily ritual,
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  or maybe a daily might name it too much, but even weekly.
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  And so what I want to do today is just share a couple of things that happen
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  in my home that also are shown by research to be ways that we can gain gratitude
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  and create thankful children.
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  And the first is just really taking the time to talk about what we're thankful for.
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  And I love mealtime. I am a big proponent of eating meals together.
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  It is something that is a bit of a rule in my house that we will always eat
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  meals together, which you all know I have a teen.
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  I've got two that are in that teenage range and they're sporty kids.
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  And so we can have some late night dinners as a result.
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  But during those dinners is when we begin to talk about, just tell me three
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  things that you did that you could. You could do a positive, a negative.
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  A lot of parents do this. This is a common activity that we talk about that
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  really helps gain. And you get to hear what your kids are grateful for.
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  Is this something that you do in your home, Mindy?
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  Well, you know, David, we are empty nesters, but we do spend a lot of time talking
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  about the things for which we are grateful.
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  But my granddaughter and I have some dedicated time together that she calls
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  our Mimi Chats because she calls me Mimi.
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  And so when she has a Mimi Chat, that means that we're going to talk about the
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  things that we are grateful for.
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  And so whether that's, you know, the great things that happened during the day
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  or, you know, something good that mom and dad did that she wants to tell me
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  about, she'll have a Mimi Chat because we need to talk about those things.
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  And they might happen every day or, you know, it might be once a week.
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  And sometimes it's face-to-face.
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  Sometimes it's, you know, a video chat on the phone.
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  That's great. And now I know this also works.
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  There's no real age cut off or start.
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  You can start this as young as you have children and begin talking to them when
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  they're very small about that.
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  You can do drawings. I think another way when you have really small young ones
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  that enjoy that creative part, We can just draw something that we're thankful for.
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  We can draw a picture of something that makes us feel good or that we wish we could give.
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  We can write letters, which again are really important.
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  My mother used to write letters all the time and make us write letters.
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  When we ever got a gift, we had to write a letter of thanks.
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  And you know what's funny is that has still stuck. I still write my in-laws
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  letters in return for a gift that they might give us or something that they
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  might send our way just in being thoughtful.
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  So writing is a really good way of expressing it. And then also the last piece
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  of that, which we really have incorporated is doing things for others.
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  So one of the ways that we did that, because I love chocolate chip cookies,
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  but they're not good for me.
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  My daughter makes a lot of them, but then we give them away,
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  right? So we take our three, right?
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  And then we give them away.
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  So again, ways in which we can teach that gratitude in ways that are practical,
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  but But also, more than just our words, we can put that into action.
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  We can put that into some actual healthy coping, right?
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  Just getting used to drawing or journaling or writing can be really helpful
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  ways of us to express our gratitude in what we like. I think those are all such great ideas.
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  And yes, Eleanor and I love to bake together, too. But once again,
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  like you, we can't keep those cookies around, so we have to share those out. That's right.
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  Hey, I tell you what, we might have become favorite neighbors now because we
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  provide chocolate chip cookies to the neighborhood.
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  So it definitely helps in those social connections as well.
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  And so that's a daily practice. But if you want to think about it more,
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  and we oftentimes think of thankfulness or gratitude when it comes around Thanksgiving,
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  and there's all kinds of things you want to, if you want to do a seasonal thing,
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  if you want to make Thanksgiving a month in November, a month of gratitude, how can we do that?
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  Maybe one of those ways, and we've heard of this before, of like a swear jar,
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  but you could do that opposite and do a gratitude jar.
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  And each member of the family can put something in there.
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  One thing a day, one little piece of paper a day, they can write what they're
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  grateful for and throw it in the jar.
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  And then at the end of the week, right, we might be able to again at a meal
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  or a time where we're all gathered together.
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  We might read each other one, take a pull out of that, take one of those notes
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  or letters that are in the jar, pull it out and read that and share why or who
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  they think that might be, what it is that's written and then who that might be.
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  And that could be a fun way, again, of just kind of seeing the hearts of those
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  that are in your family, getting to understand what are things that make us happy.
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  And when I think of that, when I've heard some of these things from my children,
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  I'm then able to treat them later in life because I know what they like.
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  I know what they've enjoyed. And now, in order to give them something that they
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  enjoy, I now have a hint of what that is.
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  So I think when you talk about gratitude and a gratitude jar,
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  and it might just be my friends. It might just be an opportunity to get together,
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  but it could be, you know, like I really like.
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  Whatever, riding my bike. I really like spending time outdoors.
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  And now I have opportunities as the holidays come around as to what might influence
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  a gift, what might get me an opportunity to give something.
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  And what I like about your gratitude jar at Thanksgiving is that it kind of
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  takes the focus off of food.
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  And so once again, we're talking about the health of our holidays.
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  And so maybe we're thinking more about the health of our spirit instead of our belly. Yeah.
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  Maybe you start filling that jar on Thanksgiving and open it up on New Year's
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  Eve so that you have, you know, maybe a little bit more than 30 days of grateful thought.
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  But it really is a kind of a fun New Year's Eve tradition.
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  Yes. Well, and the last thing I'll end is that it's important to remember that
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  gratitude should not be forced.
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  It's hard. We want our children to be gracious. We want our children to grow in that.
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  And just remember that helping children notice and name what they appreciate,
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  it builds that intrinsic motivation and it gives that emotional oversight or insight over time.
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  So keep at it a little at a time.
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  You're building amazing humans. But here are some ways that we might join in
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  gaining some more of that gracious gratefulness that we're looking for.
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  Love it. I love it. David, as always, thank you for your time.
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  Yeah, always a pleasure. If you are just tuning in, you are listening to Talking
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  FACS, which is presented by Family and Consumer Sciences Extension at the University
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