Latest / Rooted & Real With Keenan / Breaking the Silence: My Conversation with D’erin About Depression, Addiction & Faith
Transcript
- Keenan: D D'Aaron, thank you so much for taking time out of your day to come on here and have a conversation with me. I really appreciate you being D'Erin Brooks: Absolutely. I'm really very happy to be here. Keenan: Yeah. Yeah, thank you. So I ask everybody the same question, start things off. And it's just what is your story? How did you become the person that you are today? D'Erin Brooks: Yeah, I feel like that is that is a big question, right? Keenan: yeah. D'Erin Brooks: a lot of a lot of trial and error, a lot of having to change, a lot of Keenan: Mm. D'Erin Brooks: a lot of change. I think that Keenan: Yeah, yeah. D'Erin Brooks: change is probably the the biggest reason that I'm where I am, being willing to do it. And I think it's one of the hardest things to do, honestly, is to to change, changing your mindset, changing. I have this, I have this way of going about life that is belief, behavior being. Keenan: Mm. D'Erin Brooks: And I think that that kind of is the same roadmap that we all follow. You believe a certain thing, it makes you behave a certain way. And it it creates who you become. And so yeah, that that that that's how I believe I got to where I am. Now, I definitely could give you some some more background as to like how I grew up and how I got here, but I don't want to get ahead ahead of you. Keenan: No, you're good. You're good. Tell me a little bit about like you know, 'cause everyone has a story in childhood and that's kind of how this helps shape who we are. So what was that D'Erin Brooks: Mm-hmm. Keenan: like growing up with you know with your family? What was that like? D'Erin Brooks: Gotcha. So I grew up with a really great family. Really great family. my mom was a single mother. I grew up with a single mother. It was just me and her for a while. And then I had a brother once I was I think I was like seven or eight once he was when he was born. and so we lived with my grandparents the majority of my life. so it's not that we had a whole lot. I didn't come from a family that was very well off or anything. We were actually pretty lower class. but I actually think that that that really created a lot of character, to be honest with you. I think that, you know, if Keenan: Mm for sure. D'Erin Brooks: I was if I could, you know, some people say if you could go back and change things, like if I had a button take me back in time, I absolutely Keenan: Right, yeah. D'Erin Brooks: would not, you know. I think that it really, really helped create the person that I am. But I was born with I'll show you my hand. If you can see this is my hand. I was born with this condition called amniotic band syndrome. And so Keenan: no. D'Erin Brooks: amniotic band syndrome, it basically is when the mother's umbilical cord kind of starts to tear away from itself and it starts to wrap around the baby's extremities. And so wrapped around my my ankle, my hand, my naked. So I was born a little bit premature, had a couple of issues just coming into the world. But I say that because it really did start to Create a version of myself because up until probably like ages of four and five, I didn't really notice that I was any different, right? I never the finger that I'm missing, I never had it, right? So I I don't Keenan: Right. Yeah. D'Erin Brooks: have any type of phantom things or it never was anything that was out of the ordinary for me. And so once I got into school though, right, kids noticed this. And when they Keenan: Yeah. D'Erin Brooks: noticed this, it was kind of like, what is that? You know? Keenan: Right, yeah, for sure. D'Erin Brooks: Kids, they're very honest and innocent. And so they say, it's what first comes to mind. And so I think that at that point it created this this barrier for me with other people because I was a very outgoing kid, but slowly or surely I started to be the kid that stayed at the back of the room. I'd rather not confront or have to deal with any type of bullying or tormented things like that that I was going through. So I do think that that was a big shaper of who I became. and then as I got a little bit older, Right right around the time that my mother was born, I went through some sexual abuse. And I think that that also really had a lot to do with the shaping of who I was becoming. And and so I dealt with a lot of questioning myself, identity struggles. I went through a lot of that going up through my teenage years up until I got into college. And so, once I got there, I think that college was one of those experiences that was good and bad at the same time. It was like a good experience Keenan: Sure, sure. D'Erin Brooks: because I was experiencing like a new, a new world, a new environment. And I had to or at least I felt as though I had to be self reliant, right? And so I I had to grow up a lot in that season. And through that season, I think the best thing happened to me though. And that Keenan: Yeah. D'Erin Brooks: for me was truly finding Christ, right? I Keenan: Yes, good right. D'Erin Brooks: I had grew up in church. I always grew up in church, singing on the choir, doing all the things, Bible study, Sunday school, all that stuff, right? Keenan: Yeah. D'Erin Brooks: growing up. But it wasn't until I was probably 23, 24 years old that I actually had a moment where I was like, I don't, I don't think I'm doing this right. Like I don't, I don't think that this Keenan: Mean D'Erin Brooks: is I don't think this is how I'm supposed to be relating with God. And actually, to be honest with you, after all these years, I don't think I actually know him. And Keenan: Mm, wow. D'Erin Brooks: so that that started a whole new journey for me. But that's been the best journey that I've been Keenan: Sure. D'Erin Brooks: on for sure. Keenan: Yeah. it seems like you had so much that you could have used as an excuse to bow out. You know, could have been like, I only I'm missing a finger, I'm a single mom. I went through like you could have just been bowed out, but you kind of evaluated your life and really evaluated how you see yourself with the Lord. And I think that. Is such a powerful thing to realize is you wanted better for yourself. How did that conversation start when you're 23? Like, because even on paper, like you're in the choir, you grew up in the church, it sounds good, but how did how did you arrive at this newfound, like, I don't really know God, and I need to fix, I need to figure that out. D'Erin Brooks: Mm. So one one really big kicker was my mom. My mom is a, she's always been a really big teacher for me in my life, right? I I really Keenan: Mm. Yeah. D'Erin Brooks: have learned so much from her, but her faith really stood out to me. It stood out to me on that everything that we went through, no matter whether it was we growing growing up and not having a lot or different issues that we ran into growing up. She would always turn to her faith. It was like that she knew something about God that I may not have known. I always kind of felt that way. And so, but to get to give you like an actual pinpoint moment, I remember I was scrolling on Facebook one day, and this, this young lady that I was in college with, we sang in a singing group together in college. She was she was posting about this scripture and she was talking about it. over a video and I just remember listening to the scripture and having this aha moment of my Keenan: Mm. D'Erin Brooks: gosh. I I don't think I don't think that this reflects who I actually am. Like I and I believe the scripture was the scripture that talks about when you come to Christ, right, you you put off the old self, right? And you become this new person. And I think Keenan: Mm, yeah. D'Erin Brooks: that That was the first time that scripture actually sunk in. And I was like, I I haven't put off. I haven't put off anything. I think that I'm this same person I've been carrying since childhood. I think that I'm the same guy. And so Keenan: Yeah. D'Erin Brooks: that that really hit home for me. And from that moment forth, it started this journey with Christ that it took it took some time to really get fire for Christ, you know. But that's where my journey started. Keenan: I love that you say it say it like that. that's where it started. It's like I'm like, yeah, absolutely. So people hearing D'Erin Brooks: Yeah. Keenan: p listening to this, could have these like they're hearing what you're saying and they're like, Yeah, that sounds like something I might be working through. Like what do you think they need to hear? D'Erin Brooks: Mm. Think that they need to hear that Christ will fix. Keenan: Mm, yeah. D'Erin Brooks: Christ, Christ will fix everything. If if you are in a space where you you truly are contemplating or you're truly in a space where you feel like maybe I'm I'm not aligned here, the one thing that I can guarantee you is that if you develop a relationship with Christ, he will work all those things out. I'm not saying that all of a sudden your life is going to be perfect. I'm not saying that it's going to everything's going to work out always in your favor. But I can say that it will always work out for your good. Keenan: Mm-hmm. D'Erin Brooks: he's a very, very good savior. He's a great God. And he knows what's best for us way better than we know what is best for us. And so I would, I would encourage anybody to take that leap of faith and take that journey with Christ and and do it for yourself, not for other people. not for a status, not to check a box. Actually get into the word on your own. Get in the Bible and ask for God's guidance as you read it, as you as you discover who you are in Christ. Because when I first came to Christ I used to have this thing where I was like, does God really talk to people? Does Keenan: Right. D'Erin Brooks: this does that really does that really happen? Like people are saying this and I I I've only had it happen one time at this point in my life, right? Because I remember when I was, I got saved when I was about 12, right? And that was a pretty, a pretty supernatural moment that happened for me because it was the first time God had spoken to me, or at least what I rendered as him speaking Keenan: Mm-hmm. D'Erin Brooks: to me. I remember asking him the night before. I was like, should I, should I get saved? Like, should is this something that I should do? And God did he answered with you know what you should do. And I said, okay. And that was the first time I heard an answer back. And I was kind like, okay. I was like, okay. Well, if that's the case, God, I'm feeling like I probably should, right? So the next question was, how do I do this? I was like, I'm I'm scared because I grew up Baptist, right? And at a Baptist church, you have to go up to the front of the church, right? And there was like these two chairs sitting there. You had to go sit in these chairs in front of everybody. And I remember I had this immense anxiety about it. I was like, I am scared, God. Like, I do not. go sit in these chairs up here. That's the last thing I want to do in front of everybody. And he said something to me that I would never forget. He said, if you take the first step, he said, I'll take the rest for you. Keenan: Mm. D'Erin Brooks: And I said, okay. I said, all right, deal. You know? And so that next day, my gosh. Super, super, super, super natural moment. Okay. Keenan: Yeah, for sure. D'Erin Brooks: I, I, I asked, I told God, I was like, okay, I'm getting Gonna do this, you what I'm saying? You're gonna have to come through on what you said here, right? And I get up, I take the step, and I kid you not, it was like a blur, and I was sitting in the seat. It was literally a blur, and I was sitting in the seat, and it was like, when I remember after that, that was like the biggest faith builder. I was like, God is definitely real, because I was sitting in the seat and I was kind of like, you really, you really meant that. Like you, you really took the rest of the steps for me. And so that was that was really amazing. And so from that point on though, I think this is where I think a lot of I don't wanna I don't want to come at churches, but I think that some churches are they fail at discipleship. And I think that that's where I that's where I was kind of left hanging. And so I had never heard God speak to me from that point on up until I started on my own journey. And so Keenan: Well yeah. D'Erin Brooks: I say that to say that God will absolutely tell you who you are. And that's what I realized after beginning that journey. God began to speak to me. He began to show me. He began to be ever present in my life. But one thing he won't do is force himself upon you. So I will say seek him. Seek him. Keenan: Yeah. Absolutely. I love that that language you said where you were praying I should get saved or not and God's like, You know what you should do. It's like D'Erin Brooks: Mm-hmm. Keenan: you know what you should do. And I'm sitting here like, Yeah, he told you to get saved, but it's like, no, he has to, you know what you should do. So D'Erin Brooks: Right. Keenan: like, yeah, so I love that. And as a therapist, like I love that because it's like that's something I echo a lot. It's like, you know, what you should do. Let's play this out and then D'Erin Brooks: Mm-hmm. Keenan: You'll see more about what you should do. so fast forward, you're 23, you realize this, and you know, growing up in the church and doing everything you did, like what was like the next step for you? Like, what did you do next? I mean, how did you know what to do next? It seems like you did a whole lot of stuff. D'Erin Brooks: Yeah. so the first thing I did was open that Bible. That was the first thing I did. Keenan: Absolutely. D'Erin Brooks: I opened that Bible and I I began to to read it for myself and I began to pray in a way that I don't believe I was praying before. Keenan: Mm. D'Erin Brooks: and I began to in reading the word and in seeking God, he led me to certain people and he led me to certain sermons, certain messages. Keenan: Okay. D'Erin Brooks: And that right there is what really, really cultivated me. And it was still a bunch of supernatural things that happened. But I can remember, and I want to highlight this because I think it's an amazing series, right? I remember a couple of weeks after this aha moment I had, the girl that I was speaking of, I contacted her because I was thinking, well, she seems to, you know what I'm saying, have this thing going pretty well. So let me let me ask her a couple of questions, right? And so I remember her telling me. On the phone, she was like, You should check out the crazy faith series by Mike Todd at Transformation Church. It's really good. Okay. So she said it just like that, in those exact words. And I said, Okay. And I just kind of took it as a grain of salt, right? I kid you not. Two days after this, I was talking to a completely different friend, right? Talking about faith. And we were getting ready to get off the phone, and she says, Hey. You should check out the crazy face series by Mike Todd at Transformation Church. It's really good. Keenan: Nice. Yeah. D'Erin Brooks: Same exact sentence. And I was like, and it took me back so much. that series was a life-changing series for me. I I started to listen to that, and I'm talking about second or third sermon in. My life was changing. Everything that I understood about who God was and about how to have faith in Him began to change. And from that I just began to really, really study and then apply. Apply, apply, apply. And that's where things sometimes get a little rocky because that's where that change comes in. Right. So Keenan: Yeah. So what was that what was that rocky experience like? And what made you even just keep going? 'Cause you know, we live in a world where people tend to give up really easily and things get rocky and people bail. Like what was that like for you to to go through that? D'Erin Brooks: Mm. It was It was one of those things that I feel like tore me apart and then built me back up. Keenan: Mm. D'Erin Brooks: Because God kind of kind of ripped out all of these beliefs that I had about myself, about other people, about the world, about how it functioned. He kind of had to rip those out. And so that was painful. And I had to grieve a lot of that stuff. But What's amazing is that he began to replace those things, right? He didn't leave me empty. and there was a lot of moments that were very difficult. One one particular moment was I had to forgive a lot of people, right? And Keenan: Hmm, wow, yeah. D'Erin Brooks: that was very, very difficult. But what's funny about God is that when you get on this journey, he's like, You're in here, right? All right, we're gonna see how how how in you are. Keenan: Right. D'Erin Brooks: And so Keenan: Yeah. D'Erin Brooks: after forgetting, I had I remember I was in deep prayer this one night, and I I I had forgiven a lot of these people. And I remember God said, Okay, now and I and I really had this forgiveness in my heart. I truly have forgiven these people for the first time, right? And after this prayer, God said, Okay, now there's some of them I need you to go to. And I was like, Okay, you know, all right, I can maybe do that. But then he specifically told me that one of them was the person who had sexually abused me. Keenan: Mm. D'Erin Brooks: And that right there was like now hard stop God. Hard stop. You know, that is Keenan: Right. Yeah. D'Erin Brooks: yeah, it was, it was that was really, really nerve-wracking. but what's amazing is God truly he never leaves us nor forsakes us. He doesn't. And so I remember to kind of telling God, God, now, okay, I I don't forgave, you know what I'm saying? This is enough. This is enough to just forgive. But he then spoke to me. And this was the next time that I heard that audible speak. And it was a go. That's all he said was go. Now I will say that this voice felt a little different than the other ones. I definitely know it was a command, right? It f it felt like a command. But you know, it definitely wasn't a demand, but it was a command for sure. Right. And so I was like, kind of like, okay, you know what I'm saying? Like, I I think that I should definitely. Contemplate doing this at the very least, So Keenan: Yeah, for sure. D'Erin Brooks: I'll never forget the day that I decided to do this and confront this person. I was super nervous and I did not want to bring it up. You know, stuff like this, you don't want to talk about. You put it in this little box in the back of your brain, and your brain works over time your whole life to try to protect you from that thing. And you have no idea that that thing is coming out of you in so many different ways. And you don't even know. So, I had to open that box and that was so painful to do and so I you know if I had to put a word with it it was icky you know it it felt it felt very icky but I remember sitting sitting in the room that day and I was getting ready to address this situation and it was about forgiveness right I wanted to tell this person I forgive you and then I also went I had to tell them what they did to me and how I was affected by it and then that I forgave them. And I remember sitting there and bailing out of it. I bailed out completely. I'm talking, I'm sitting in front of this person, completely bailed out of it. I was like, I'm not doing this. The interesting thing was there was a heaviness in the room. There was a heaviness almost as if this person knew that I was gonna say something that that they weren't gonna like. It was it's it was interesting, the heaviness that was in the room. but I do remember me bailing out, and I picked up my phone. I began to what? Scroll on Facebook again. Keenan: No. D'Erin Brooks: And I remember there was this girl praying. This was supernatural for sure. She was praying and I I clicked on the video and I was like, I could use some prayer about right now, you know? And so she's praying and she's praying about something completely different. I can't remember what she was praying about, but she stops mid prayer and she said, Hmm. She said, I I don't know who this is for. She was like, but I hear the Lord saying that for the person that Molested you. I want you to tell them that you love them, tell them that you forgive them, and then go on about your way. And then she goes back into this prayer, right? She goes back into the prayer which she was saying. And I'm sitting there going, Whoa. Like, wow, God. and and Keenan: Wow. D'Erin Brooks: that that was the boost I needed. You know, he gave me the boost I needed. I was like, you're really. You're sitting in this with me. You're you're right here with me right now. And that was something I think in the moment I had forgotten because my emotions had taken over. And emotions Keenan: Hmm. D'Erin Brooks: are just that. They're emotions. But if they're not under the control of the Holy Spirit, they will control you. So I I got the boost I needed. I had the conversation and it actually went really well. I I'm I don't think that everything that I said was favorable, but it was accepted and we moved on. And so that was a really big pivotal moment was that forgiveness. And that was just the beginning of the rockiness, which is crazy, right? Yeah. Keenan: Right, yeah, for sure. Yeah, I got goosebumps you telling that part of the story, for real, all over. D'Erin Brooks: yeah. Keenan: I mean that's like I mean like how do you navigate between what God is telling you and just coincidence? And like 'cause I f I could envision some don't don't let everyone come after me in the comments, but I can envision some people Just scrolling past that it's just coincidence. how did you know that was from God? D'Erin Brooks: Hmm. You know something? When I first began to get into that word, something that God really wanted me to do was to understand how to go about reading the word. And Keenan: We yes. D'Erin Brooks: I think that a lot of people go into it and you're looking for something that will help you where you are. Whatever struggle you're going through, whatever is going on in your life, you go to the Bible and you're looking for what does it say about what's happening and how do I get through it? I'm not saying that that's a negative way to go about it, but what I'm saying is that. If that's the only way you're going about it, you're missing something. What the Lord taught me was, I need for you to question with every scripture, what does this say about my character? What does this teach you about who I am? I want you to learn me. And so I say that to say that when that when that message came through to me, I knew that it was God because it looked like him. because Keenan: Mm. D'Erin Brooks: it sounded like him, because it aligned with his character, because these were things that I knew. And I think that a lot of a lot of people they they are always looking for these Guess you say these big moments, these big emotional moments and or supernatural moments to say, this is this is God speaking. And so I can completely understand where people would come and be like, Well, that that was just a coincidence, you know. That could have been X, Y, and Z happening, right? But you can knock all that out when you know who God is, when you have learned his character and you have laid it out for you, you you have laid it out for yourself, then You don't have to question, is this God? And for anybody that is struggling with that, I do want to give them a great resource. There's a book called Discerning the Voice of God by Priscilla Shire. And it is an amazing book about just that. So if anybody in the watching is struggling with that, that's an amazing resource. Keenan: I'll put that in the description so we can find it. yeah. So I mean, so you have this conversation and you kind of move about your life. How did you know like I mean that seems like the peak of rockiness for lack of a better phrase? Peak. D'Erin Brooks: Mm-hmm. Keenan: but like that just seems really hard. And there's still hard things that came afterwards. D'Erin Brooks: Absolutely. Keenan: what was that? D'Erin Brooks: So the hard things that came after that was the character changes, right? Actually, actually having fruit of the spirit, right? And the fruits of the spirit is that love, joy, peace, and patience, right? gentleness, goodness, kindness, faithfulness, and self-control. all of these things they come at a cost. praise and thanksgiving are sacrifices. And when looking at that, I was kind of like, Well, that doesn't really make a lot of sense to me because these are good things, right? To to praise God, to thank God, these are good things. So why would it be a sacrifice? Well, but the Lord taught me that they're they're only sacrifices because. It means that I have to change the way that I think to be able to do them. Keenan: Yes. D'Erin Brooks: I have to be willing to lay my feelings aside. I have to be willing to lay my situation aside. I have to be willing to do all these things to be able to praise God and to have thanksgiving in my heart. That means that I have to think about what God has done. I have to remember his track record in my life. I have to remember his track record in the Bible. I have to remember his track record in the lives of the people around me. I have to actually focus on the good things about his character, which are those fruits of the spirit, right? Including his grace and his mercy and his love and how he never leaves us. His yoke is easy. His burden is light. All of these things, they have to come to mind for me to praise God. And in that thing, in that, in that moment, I can't think about my issues. I can't think about what happened the other day, right? I have to I have to be able to lay that aside to be able to give God praise and thanksgiving. So I say all of that to say that The character changes that I had to go through, the sacrifices that I had to make to be able to praise and thank God and to give him my life in worship, right? Worship is something I do with how I live. It's not just worshiping him with the worship song. It's not just praying. It's not just journaling. It's not just sitting in silence with him. It's not just all these things I do, but How I live, how am I treating people? Right? How do I care for Keenan: Right. Yeah, for sure. D'Erin Brooks: people? Am I actually displaying his character? And that right there was Rocky because I had a lot of things in me that did not want to go. They did not want to go. And so that that is where I think the the rest of that rockiness came from was him working out my character, my morality. It had to change. Keenan: Yeah. I mean, John talks about you will know they will know you are my disciples for the love that you show others. D'Erin Brooks: Hm. Yes. Keenan: and that's kind of what you're talking about, is like, how am I seeing the world and how am I see people around me? Like, how important is that for you to kind of have like the eyes of God looking at people around you who maybe you're Wronged you, or maybe people that are just around you causing you just to be irritated. Like, how important is D'Erin Brooks: Yeah. Keenan: that? D'Erin Brooks: I think that it's very important. I think that it's very, very important. And I think that sometimes it can be difficult to navigate, right? Because I I won't sit here and lie to you and say that just because I follow God, I don't get mad at people. People don't Keenan: Sure, sure. Absolutely. D'Erin Brooks: bother me and get on my nerves. Like these are things that happen all the time. But I think that the biggest thing that I just I'm so grateful for Jesus because that's why repentance is available, right? And and so if I do err and I do treat somebody wrong, I definitely have quickly repent and turn back to the Lord. And I think that that is that is what's most important is that you you if you align your life with who God is, then you'll Keenan: Yeah. D'Erin Brooks: be able to catch the places where you're erring. You'll be able to catch the places where you're making mistakes and you can then realign yourself, right? Because I love the scripture that Paul gives us that says you have to be renewed in your mind, and you have to do this continuously, right? It's not a Keenan: Mm. Yeah. D'Erin Brooks: one time thing. It's not, this is an everyday walk. I've got to continuously renew my mind. I've got to continuously think on the things of God so that I can display his character. But that repentance thing. That is the biggest thing because I think that especially for people who are, I guess I would say baby Christians, maybe I was used that term. I think that sometimes when you when you make make a mistake, you are still in the character trait that, my gosh, now God is mad at me and I feel guilty and I feel ashamed for this, and now I'm beating myself up. Yet there's no condemnation in him. There is conviction, which is why I choose the repentance route, right? But The condemnation is not a piece that that you have to have. And so I I think that or at least after the law, but we we could get into to scripture and theology at the time. But I I think that that repentance piece is what keeps me on this route of treating others the way that I need to and making sure because every time I'm repenting to God and I'm turning towards him, I'm also getting a wrinkle that, hey, this is something. That you're you need to work on. This is something that you obviously didn't show up very well in this area. So I need to work on this thing. Lord, search me. Search me. Find the pieces of me that need to be worked out so that they may be worked out. So that I I love this scripture. It says that he he predestined us, then he called us, then he caught us so that he could justify us and he justified us so he could sanctify us and he sanctifies us. So that we can be glorified. And I want to receive that heavenly dignity. And so Keenan: Right. D'Erin Brooks: I I think that we are all consistently in a process of sanctification. And I think as long as you're on that journey, then I think that it will trickle down, right? That people will be treated right, right? I think that a lot of people look at God as this ruler. That has all these rules and these stipulations that we have to follow and all these boxes that we have to check. But what they don't realize is that when God really enters your heart, there's no boxes to check because the it all comes out, right? the his goodness, his love, his care, it would begin to come out of you naturally. Naturally, you won't want to do that thing that you used to do, right? Instead of being like, I I gotta stop doing that. Right. Now I'm not saying that you don't need to sometimes, sometimes deliverance looks like, Staying over here, right? Instead of going over there at times. But it God works that out to where everything that He who He wants you to be will naturally come out of you because He left us with a comforter, the Holy Spirit. So yeah, that's what I would say about that. I hope that that answered your question because that was a long drawn out response. Keenan: For sure. No, you're you're good. It was great. So what we talk a lot about like mental health here, and there's this huge, you know, maybe not huge, there's a divide amongst the church, some of them around, you know, mental health and how we handle it. Like what role would you say that plays in your story and what role do you think it should play in your opinion, church? D'Erin Brooks: That is an amazing question. An amazing question. So for me in the beginning, mental health was a very taboo subject, right? It was a very taboo subject for me because in my community, and when I say my community, I mean a community of black people, right? It's not something that has been very prevalent in our culture to get mental help. And so growing up, it's not something that was talked about. It's not something that I saw, right? It was not something that was that was really ingrained in me in any way. and so that took my relationship with God, honestly, for him to let me know, hey, I've placed people here to help you, right? I I don't I work with people, right? Just like I'm working through you, I'm working through this person and I'm working through that person and I'm doing this over here and doing this over here. Ugh, I gotta say this. I'm gonna I'm gonna get back to the mental health real quick, but I have to say this. Here recently, I was reading the scripture that in Genesis where it says that God created us in his image, right? And in study of that, I realized that the image word is the same image word that's used in Numbers, Deuteronomy, around in that that area where they're talking about the idols that they would place up to worship. Other gods or pagan gods, right? They would use that he used that same language when he said image, right? It was the same image over here. And that was interesting to me. In the study of that, I realized that back in the day, kings would they would erect these idols in certain areas and territories to mark their territory, right? So if there was a a king that was the say the king of Tennessee, he would erect an idol in California to say, I'm I'm king over there too, right? Okay. Keenan: Okay. D'Erin Brooks: Because he wasn't physically in that area. This is where it got so good to me. So then I start to understand. Wait a minute. So if God is telling us that he created us in his image and he used the same word, what he's saying is that we are markers of his territory on earth, right? We all Keenan: No. D'Erin Brooks: have a territory we're assigned to. We all have a flock that we're supposed to shepherd. We all have an assignment. And so with that being said, I truly believe that. He has put people in the mental health space to truly be workers for him, to help people be able to actually work out healing. I do think that sometimes it can be in a space where we're treating a lot of symptoms, right? But I am more in the space of where I want to I want to people to be able to experience true healing. And so when I went into therapy and found a therapist, it was a, it was a It was a journey. It was a journey because it was something I was so unfamiliar with, and so I remember thinking, well, if I go into this because in the black community it's not as prevalent, this was my thought process, right? I'm just telling you my thought process. I was thinking, Keenan: Yeah. D'Erin Brooks: I need to find a black man that's gonna be able to help me, right? This is my thought process on it, right? I went into this, I got a appointment with this black man, and when I say it was probably one of the most horrible experiences, I I just It was not great in any way. it was not Keenan: my god. D'Erin Brooks: great in any way. and this is not saying anything about black mental health professionals. This is this is God working something out in me, right? So Keenan: Right, yeah. D'Erin Brooks: I I was like, okay, okay, God, wait a minute. Like, I thought this is what I'm supposed to be doing. I'm supposed to be going to therapy. This is not a good experience, right? And so then my doctor refers me to this older white woman, right? And she was a she was a doctor. She was an actual psychiatrist, right? and so I go to her and I'm thinking to myself, me and her are not gonna be able to relate, right? Like we're not gonna be able to relate. I'm thinking we're like on two different sides of the you are a man, you're a woman, I'm black, you're white, you're older than me, I'm young. None of this is adding up, right? None of this is adding up in my mind, right? When I tell you she was my therapist for six years, six years, and one of the the best things that could have ever happened to me because she was Holy Ghost filled and I I'm telling you it was the most amazing experience. She helped me navigate so much healing in my life. and so after after going on that journey of mental health with her, I realized where God was calling me to. Right. And so that is where God began to tell me, hey, I want you to teach people about me. Keenan: Mm. D'Erin Brooks: And there was a superb fear that came upon me, right? And I'll tell you how this happened. It first started off with me getting this help, right? And I decided I'm gonna start this mental health. I'm just gonna start this series like on social media. And it was called, it was gonna be called Mentally Health D, right? Yeah, I was gonna play off my name, right? And so I was thinking this will be great because I can help my community. With resources, meaning for the people that maybe don't have the resources to go to therapy or maybe still think that it's a taboo, maybe I can put this in their face and they'll be like, Yeah, this is good. Because this is this is it's been a now, I will say n in today's time, there's been a big tide change with mental health and Keenan: For sure. D'Erin Brooks: in the c in the black community. But at this time I'm thinking like, Okay, this is gonna be a good thing. Well, I remember I was in prayer to God about this and I was like, This is good. And he gave me this humongous pit of despair. I'm talking about It was like a complete loss of hope in this thing. I it felt horrible. And I was like, God, wait a minute. This is a good thing. Why would I why would why does this why does this feel like this? And he asked me, he said, Where am I at? Where am I at in this? And I said, you're right. You're right, God. So in that, let's change it up. So I didn't change the name of it. I simply said, Let's add in scripture. Let's add in some Some pieces of the Lord here because I'm missing him. And then I go back to the prayer drawing board, right? I'm going to prayer with him. I'm like, now we've added this in, God, this is good. And same feeling, same pit of despair. Same feeling came back. And I'll at this point I'm like, okay, now God, be for real. You know what I'm saying? Like, I I don't know what you're wanting here from me. I'm I'm I'm I'm coming to you. With, you it says the plans of men are his heart, right? But God directs his path. I'm I'm coming to you for you to direct my path, and this is what I'm feeling, which doesn't feel right. It doesn't feel like I'm feeling the right thing, And that's when God said, I actually want you to make it all about me. He said those exact words to me. And I said, Well a minute, hold on. I was like, are you telling me like you want me to teach people about about you? About God, about like you want me to teach people about about you. And he was like, Absolutely, scared the living daylights out of me. Cause I'm thinking in my mind, you want me to be a pastor and I do not want to do this. So I I was I was scared. my gosh, I was so scared. And so that kind of made me take a pause on everything because I was like, I gotta work this thing out and make sure that I'm hearing God correctly, you know? But I was definitely hearing God correctly. And so that is where my podcast golly mentality was birthed. And so that podcast is literally about bridging the gap between spirituality and psychology. And so I talk about different things like how cognitive behavior therapy is actually just affirmations. You know, that's an example of that is affirmations, it's changing our thought process and how God teaches us these things throughout the Bible, right? And we just don't recognize it. Such as, you know, when Paul says, I always do the thing that I don't want to do, right? Well, he was actually talking about cognitive dissonance, right? And so Keenan: Yeah. D'Erin Brooks: a lot of these things are laid right out for us in the Bible. But people have this thing where they think that science is on the outside of of faith. And for me, I think that science just describes the creation of God, right? It just can describe what has God has already done. And so That's that's what my my podcast is about, is it's bridging that gap between the two and really trying to teach people that it doesn't have to be two separate sides of the coin. It's actually the same, same coin. You just got to be able to know, you know what I'm saying? You have you need to know these things and be able to see them in scripture so that you can then connect the two. And so yeah, therapy is a is now a daily piece of my life. What's funny Keenan: Yeah. D'Erin Brooks: is af my therapist, she left her practice. And so what's funny is that now I do have a black male therapist. And I think that's so funny to Keenan: So so as we're wrapping up, you know, D'Erin Brooks: Mm-hmm. Keenan: a couple of questions. You know, we we I love that you talk about faith in the Bible or psychology in the Bible. We I try to talk about faith and mental health. So a lot of people listening are either like not in therapy or they're thinking about it, they're like on the fence about it. What do you think they need to hear to kind of get them off the fence? D'Erin Brooks: Mm. I think that because people don't realize that the two are merging together, they are afraid that they're going to be led astray. I think that Keenan: Yeah. D'Erin Brooks: that's a and I think that that's a legitimate, a legitimate concern. I really do. But I will say this that both of my therapists that I've had had a relationship with God. They Keenan: Mm. D'Erin Brooks: had a relationship with God. And they were not afraid to bring that into our sessions. They weren't afraid to talk about him. They weren't afraid to tell me, hey, Darren, what does the word say about this thing? Right. And so they were not just beneficial in helping me in the healing of myself. They were actually beneficial in helping me get closer to God. Keenan: Yes. D'Erin Brooks: And so if you are on the fence, I would say this. Look for what you are looking for, right? And what I mean by that is don't look for what you think looks good. Look for what you're actually looking for. Because when I went into this, right, I was saying I was looking for this black, this black guy that was going to be my therapist. But what I really should have been looking for was who is going to lead me godly? Who is going to have my best interest in heart when it comes to the Lord? And so when I went on my journey to find my new therapist after she left her practice. that's the first thing I was looking for was therapists that that centered around faith, right? That are centered around that and they are out there. There are actually are multiple because literally I had a a a pick of of a group of people that I could have picked from, And so they they are out there. And so I don't want people to be afraid and think that because I have faith in God that I'm gonna get with this therapist and they're gonna lead me astray. I'm not saying that that hasn't happened. And maybe some people have experiences with that, but if you are on the fence about getting into therapy, I say get off the fence. Get off Keenan: Yes. D'Erin Brooks: the fence. Get you a good therapist and really seek the mental help that you need because I'm telling you, the grass is so much greener on the other side. Keenan: Mm-hmm. Absolutely. So, last question. Any good like books, podcasts, blogs they recommend people to look up to do more research on what kind of what we've talked about today? D'Erin Brooks: Yeah, yeah, there actually is. there's two that I actually want to three. Actually three. The first one is Godly Mentality Podcast with De'Aaron Brooks. That would be number Keenan: Absolutely. D'Erin Brooks: one. But I I actually do have another really good podcast that I listen to. It's called Deeper Christian Podcast. And I really love that podcast. He really breaks down the word and it's very, very helpful. And there's one more that I just began listening to here recently that actually is right up my alley. I will tell you this about it. It's a podcast that literally does the same thing that I'm doing. It's bridging the gap between psychology and faith, except this lady is actually a nurse practitioner. And so she Keenan: okay. D'Erin Brooks: she actually is in the practice. And so I think that she has some amazing insights. And I will tell you what, I can't find it right here, but I will make sure that I give it to you so you can put it in the description for people. and I will also say that I have a a link. I have an Amazon affiliate link where I literally have a list of biblical resources and really good reads that I will give you that people can get a lot of good great biblical resources out there. But one thing that I will say is one of my favorite biblical authors, I think, is John Bevere. I don't know if you Keenan: Yeah. D'Erin Brooks: ever heard about John Bevere, but he that man knows God. That man knows God. And I I have my gosh, he has helped me so much on my faith journey. The Bait of Satan, The Awe of God, Drawing Near. His newest book, I think it's called The King is Coming. I have all of them. They are amazing books. And so yeah, he's an author that I would absolutely, absolutely recommend any day of the week. And so but all of those books that I'm mentioning, they are in that link. So yeah, I'll send that over. Keenan: Awesome. Well, thank you so much for your time today. Really appreciate it. Loved hearing your story and just, talking about God and faith and mental health. So really appreciate your time today. D'Erin Brooks: You are very welcome and thank you so much for having me, Keenan. I think that this podcast is really, really awesome. and I've really enjoyed it. So thank you so much for giving me an opportunity to share my story. Keenan: Awesome. Thank you.