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How Discernment Shows Up in Your Life · Rooted Thoughts

• 0:00
  SPEAKER_00: I'm your host Tierra and this is Rude Thoughts Podcast.
• 0:18
  SPEAKER_00: In today's episode, we are going to be discussing discernment and what does it actually mean to move through life with discernment.
• 0:26
  SPEAKER_00: You use discernment more than you realize.
• 0:28
  SPEAKER_00: For example, someone tells you something and technically you have no reason not to believe them, but you're not ready to take it at face value.
• 0:36
  SPEAKER_00: Or you're offered an opportunity that sounds great, but something is telling you that you need to ask more questions.
• 0:43
  SPEAKER_00: Or you're in a conversation and suddenly realize I don't need to say everything I know right now.
• 0:50
  SPEAKER_00: Or you hear advice that sounds good, but something about it doesn't apply to your life.
• 0:55
  SPEAKER_00: All those scenarios are discernment.
• 0:58
  SPEAKER_00: Sometimes we tend to think that discernment is just knowing whether something is good or bad.
• 1:03
  SPEAKER_00: But discernment shows up in hundreds of small decisions about what something means, what needs further consideration, and what you should do next.
• 1:11
  SPEAKER_00: But if we use discernment all the time, why do we still get it so wrong?
• 1:16
  SPEAKER_00: Let's talk about how discernment is more than good or bad.
• 1:20
  SPEAKER_00: Some decisions are easy, for example.
• 1:22
  SPEAKER_00: Don't touch the hot stove, don't give your social security number to the random person who just called you, even though all of my clients do not follow that one.
• 1:32
  SPEAKER_00: But I'm not even going to talk about that.
• 1:34
  SPEAKER_00: But though those are simple options, grown-up life isn't usually that obvious.
• 1:39
  SPEAKER_00: Sometimes you're choosing between good and good, or two imperfect options, or what feels comfortable and what helps you to grow, or speaking up and letting something go, or giving grace and establishing a boundary, or being patient and wasting your time.
• 1:56
  SPEAKER_00: Rules tell you what to do when the answer is obvious, but discernment helps when the answer requires wisdom.
• 2:02
  SPEAKER_00: So where does that wisdom come from?
• 2:04
  SPEAKER_00: Let's talk about how discernment develops.
• 2:07
  SPEAKER_00: I personally like to think and believe that we are all born with discernment.
• 2:11
  SPEAKER_00: But in case you never learned how to use your discernment or just need help to develop your discernment, I'm going to tell you how to do exactly that.
• 2:20
  SPEAKER_00: You are listening to Real Thoughts Podcast with your host Tiara.
• 2:24
  SPEAKER_00: Follow and leave me a review.
• 2:27
  SPEAKER_00: It can be developed through experience, mistakes, observation, self-awareness, listening, consequences, wisdom from other people, or paying attention to patterns.
• 2:41
  SPEAKER_00: And sometimes your greatest discernment comes from situations you wish you had handled differently.
• 2:46
  SPEAKER_00: But experience doesn't automatically make some people discerning.
• 2:50
  SPEAKER_00: Some people can go through something 10 times and still not learn a lesson.
• 2:54
  SPEAKER_00: So let's talk about why is that and what clouds your discernment.
• 2:58
  SPEAKER_00: There are some things that make us unable to see clearly.
• 3:02
  SPEAKER_00: Things like wanting something so badly, fear, pride, loneliness, anger, pressure, other people's opinions, being emotionally attached to an outcome, past experience, love, and even sex?
• 3:20
  SPEAKER_00: Have you ever given someone advice on something, but let them find yourself in your own situation acting as though you don't have a lick of sense?
• 3:27
  SPEAKER_00: That's because when you aren't emotionally invested, it's easier to discern.
• 3:32
  SPEAKER_00: And that's why sometimes discernment doesn't require another or a different answer.
• 3:38
  SPEAKER_00: It requires distance.
• 3:40
  SPEAKER_00: But how can distance play out in discernment?
• 3:43
  SPEAKER_00: Sometimes it can look like just taking a pause.
• 3:46
  SPEAKER_00: We are living in a time or a culture of immediate reaction.
• 3:50
  SPEAKER_00: Respond, decide, pose, choose, defend yourself, say something back.
• 3:57
  SPEAKER_00: But when you are practicing using your discernment, sometimes that means saying, I need more information.
• 4:05
  SPEAKER_00: Or I need to see how this plays out.
• 4:08
  SPEAKER_00: Or I don't know yet.
• 4:11
  SPEAKER_00: Or I need to calm down before I decide.
• 4:14
  SPEAKER_00: Sometimes time reveals what pressure hides.
• 4:18
  SPEAKER_00: People reveal themselves, situations develop, your emotions settle, and more information becomes available.
• 4:25
  SPEAKER_00: But sometimes waiting isn't always wise either.
• 4:29
  SPEAKER_00: And I know y'all probably like, well, why in the world did you just say all of that if that isn't the option or that's not the answer either?
• 4:36
  SPEAKER_00: That's because every situation is different, and because sometimes we say that we are waiting for clarity when the answer has been clear for a very long time.
• 4:46
  SPEAKER_00: Now we are going to talk about when you know but don't want to know.
• 4:51
  SPEAKER_00: By now you are probably feeling called out.
• 4:53
  SPEAKER_00: But don't worry because I'm calling myself out too.
• 4:56
  SPEAKER_00: Because most people have experienced this.
• 4:59
  SPEAKER_00: There are times when you really don't know, and then there are times when you know and you know that you know.
• 5:06
  SPEAKER_00: But knowing requires you to do something.
• 5:09
  SPEAKER_00: That could be ending something, having a conversation, admitting you are wrong, changing direction, walking away from the opportunity, acknowledging that someone isn't who you hope they be, or even acknowledging that you may be the problem.
• 5:25
  SPEAKER_00: Sometimes you aren't struggling with discernment, you are actually struggling with acceptance.
• 5:31
  SPEAKER_00: And if that is the case, discernment becomes more than something you know.
• 5:36
  SPEAKER_00: It becomes something you have to act on.
• 5:39
  SPEAKER_00: And because of that reason, discernment requires courage.
• 5:44
  SPEAKER_00: Because what's the point of recognizing something if you are unwilling to respond to what you recognize?
• 5:50
  SPEAKER_00: Discernment might tell you speak, be quiet, wait, move, ask another question, apologize, leave, stay, investigate, don't assume, give grace, or stop giving chances.
• 6:04
  SPEAKER_00: But it's also important to note that discernment doesn't guarantee that everyone else will understand your decision.
• 6:11
  SPEAKER_00: And we can't talk about discernment without talking about how discernment requires humility.
• 6:17
  SPEAKER_00: A discerning person should still be able to say, I could be wrong.
• 6:21
  SPEAKER_00: Because if your discernment is full of assumption, bias, projection, and ego, then that actually may be judgment.
• 6:29
  SPEAKER_00: And being discerning doesn't mean always being right.
• 6:32
  SPEAKER_00: It means being committed to seeing clearly, even when seeing clearly requires you to correct yourself.
• 6:38
  SPEAKER_00: And you guys know that I love to talk about self-improvement and self-awareness.
• 6:42
  SPEAKER_00: So we cannot talk about discernment without also saying how you must be self-aware when learning or developing your discernment.
• 6:51
  SPEAKER_00: So, how does discernment show up in your life?
• 6:54
  SPEAKER_00: Discernment shows up in who you trust, what you believe, what you question, what you ignore, when you speak, when you wait, when you leave, when you stay, what opportunity you pursue, whose advice you receive, how you interpret your experiences, and even how willing you are to question yourself.
• 7:15
  SPEAKER_00: The goal isn't to never make another bad decision.
• 7:18
  SPEAKER_00: Because if we are being honest, you are going to sometimes misread people.
• 7:22
  SPEAKER_00: You are going to trust something that you should not have trusted.
• 7:26
  SPEAKER_00: But hopefully, as you move through life and pay attention, you learn, you become more honest with yourself, you recognize patterns sooner, you become comfortable with not knowing, and you become courageous enough to act when you do know.
• 7:41
  SPEAKER_00: And that's what discernment looks like in real life.
• 7:44
  SPEAKER_00: I'm your host, Sierra, and this is Rude Thoughts Podcast.