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Why Your T-Shirt Sucks, and Why You Should Care · Get Real Rae... Real Business & Life Advice

• 0:00
  Speaker: Hi, my name is Rae and I am
• 0:03
  Speaker: unapologetically Black.
• 0:05
  Speaker: Craving real advice?
• 0:07
  Speaker: Tired of feeling like every other small business
• 0:09
  Speaker: owner or solopreneur is raking in the dough
• 0:12
  Speaker: while you just seem to be raking?
• 0:14
  Speaker: Secretly looking for a reminder that starting your
• 0:17
  Speaker: own business is not as glamorous as others
• 0:20
  Speaker: make it look?
• 0:21
  Speaker: Whether you're looking to change the game in
• 0:23
  Speaker: your relationships at home or at workplace, you've
• 0:27
  Speaker: come to the right place.
• 0:28
  Speaker: My name is Rae.
• 0:29
  Speaker: I went from corporate America to running my
• 0:31
  Speaker: own small business to becoming a solopreneur.
• 0:34
  Speaker: I'm a professional actor and, dare we say,
• 0:37
  Speaker: a professional busybody because this body is about
• 0:40
  Speaker: to be busy all up in your bins.
• 0:42
  Speaker: So let's get real.
• 0:43
  Speaker: This is Rae with Get Real Rae, a
• 0:45
  Speaker: place for life and business tips to hopefully
• 0:49
  Speaker: provide you with a little guidance on your
• 0:52
  Speaker: journey or at the very least provide you
• 0:55
  Speaker: with some laughs.
• 0:56
  Speaker: And so let's get real.
• 0:59
  Speaker: Let's get real about why your t-shirt
• 1:03
  Speaker: sucks and maybe mine is amazing or maybe
• 1:07
  Speaker: it's not.
• 1:08
  Speaker: Okay, so earlier in Panty, right, we're all
• 1:12
  Speaker: home, we're all well some of us are
• 1:15
  Speaker: shopping, some of us are crying over bills.
• 1:17
  Speaker: A lot of things were happening especially in
• 1:19
  Speaker: the U.S. where, you know, let's just
• 1:23
  Speaker: say a lot of things were happening all
• 1:24
  Speaker: over.
• 1:25
  Speaker: It's especially in the U.S. A lot
• 1:26
  Speaker: of things were happening and rightfully so.
• 1:30
  Speaker: People were thrown into a position where they
• 1:32
  Speaker: hadn't been used to before.
• 1:34
  Speaker: One of the things that happened was in
• 1:38
  Speaker: the United States the passage of law that
• 1:42
  Speaker: said or I guess it's called the granting
• 1:46
  Speaker: acknowledgement of the federal holiday that is Juneteenth,
• 1:52
  Speaker: right.
• 1:53
  Speaker: And I have learned about Juneteenth from an
• 1:56
  Speaker: episode of Black-ish, okay.
• 1:59
  Speaker: I had never heard of this holiday before
• 2:01
  Speaker: and thank you, Kinga Barris, for just bringing
• 2:06
  Speaker: so many things to my attention that I
• 2:08
  Speaker: hadn't thought about.
• 2:09
  Speaker: So, such a good show.
• 2:13
  Speaker: So, anyway, I learned about this holiday.
• 2:19
  Speaker: I liked the idea of there being like
• 2:22
  Speaker: a celebration and so I said, you know
• 2:24
  Speaker: what, I really want to have like a
• 2:26
  Speaker: Juneteenth party and every year I kind of,
• 2:32
  Speaker: it never kind of happens.
• 2:33
  Speaker: So, finally, Panty happens and I'm able to
• 2:38
  Speaker: have my Juneteenth party but here I am
• 2:42
  Speaker: being a woman of color and I don't
• 2:47
  Speaker: feel like I own anything that says I'm
• 2:51
  Speaker: Black and I'm proud.
• 2:53
  Speaker: Now, yes, there's the Malcolm X t-shirts
• 2:57
  Speaker: and the King t-shirts and you, I
• 3:02
  Speaker: just, none of that fit me.
• 3:04
  Speaker: These are amazing individuals who did amazing things
• 3:12
  Speaker: and not everything they did was great but
• 3:14
  Speaker: they did a lot of amazing things for
• 3:16
  Speaker: the African-American community in the United States.
• 3:21
  Speaker: And so, for me, just smacking their face
• 3:26
  Speaker: on a t-shirt or having the name
• 3:28
  Speaker: on a t-shirt doesn't really make me
• 3:32
  Speaker: feel like I am promoting their message or
• 3:37
  Speaker: more connected with them or more Black.
• 3:40
  Speaker: Okay, let's just be honest.
• 3:42
  Speaker: So, I didn't want to do anything for
• 3:44
  Speaker: us and I didn't feel that purchasing something
• 3:51
  Speaker: that represented the colors of Africa or just
• 3:56
  Speaker: had the image of the African continent in,
• 4:02
  Speaker: you know, the colors of Africa basically was
• 4:06
  Speaker: going to make me feel or be more
• 4:08
  Speaker: Black.
• 4:09
  Speaker: So, there's all these ways that the African
• 4:12
  Speaker: -American community has been showing their Black pride
• 4:17
  Speaker: and Black power and, you know, if we
• 4:19
  Speaker: look back to the 60s and 70s, right,
• 4:25
  Speaker: there's a huge wave of let's wear our
• 4:29
  Speaker: hair a certain way, let's wear our clothes
• 4:31
  Speaker: a certain way, let's wear certain types of
• 4:34
  Speaker: clothes, and let's really go ahead and reject
• 4:41
  Speaker: the mainstream idea that we have to look
• 4:44
  Speaker: more like non-Blacks.
• 4:46
  Speaker: Specifically, we have to look more like white
• 4:48
  Speaker: people, right, and that whole ideology very much
• 4:54
  Speaker: gets wrapped up into the history of slavery
• 4:56
  Speaker: and all that stuff.
• 4:57
  Speaker: Now, I searched online because I wanted to.
• 5:03
  Speaker: I was having an online pate for Juneteenth.
• 5:08
  Speaker: I decided, you know, these family members that
• 5:10
  Speaker: I don't talk too much.
• 5:12
  Speaker: Actually, we don't really like once every six
• 5:16
  Speaker: years or something.
• 5:19
  Speaker: I wanted to know that I want to
• 5:23
  Speaker: be closer and this is a holiday that
• 5:27
  Speaker: I want to, I've been wanting to celebrate.
• 5:30
  Speaker: What better opportunity to celebrate this holiday with
• 5:33
  Speaker: people that I want to be closer with?
• 5:35
  Speaker: And so I created my Zoom link and
• 5:39
  Speaker: I went shopping.
• 5:41
  Speaker: What is a piece of clothing that I
• 5:43
  Speaker: could own that would not feel cliche, not
• 5:48
  Speaker: feel forced, and yet allow me to express
• 5:51
  Speaker: who I am and what I believe in?
• 5:53
  Speaker: And this t-shirt was a winner and
• 5:56
  Speaker: I just, I think I changed my clothes
• 6:00
  Speaker: like three times during that Zoom party.
• 6:04
  Speaker: But, because I was not going to be
• 6:05
  Speaker: at a party just wearing a t-shirt,
• 6:08
  Speaker: oh no, but yes, this t-shirt was
• 6:12
  Speaker: a winner.
• 6:12
  Speaker: I really liked that it had a simple
• 6:16
  Speaker: statement and you really had to kind of
• 6:18
  Speaker: focus in to read it and it just,
• 6:20
  Speaker: it felt like it was original and it
• 6:22
  Speaker: felt me.
• 6:22
  Speaker: I like pink.
• 6:24
  Speaker: So, here we are.
• 6:26
  Speaker: Fast forward to 2023.
• 6:29
  Speaker: We're talking three years later.
• 6:31
  Speaker: I have moved.
• 6:33
  Speaker: I'm no longer doing Zoom parties.
• 6:36
  Speaker: Not that there's anything wrong with Zoom parties.
• 6:38
  Speaker: There's more Zoom parties and I haven't managed
• 6:43
  Speaker: to have another Juneteenth party since the first
• 6:45
  Speaker: Juneteenth party.
• 6:46
  Speaker: Something always gets in the way.
• 6:49
  Speaker: And actually, I can't say that I talked
• 6:52
  Speaker: to most of those family members anymore than
• 6:56
  Speaker: I did before the party.
• 6:57
  Speaker: Two people I talked to before.
• 6:59
  Speaker: That's just nice.
• 7:00
  Speaker: So, here I am in my new state
• 7:05
  Speaker: of residence taking a walk and there's nothing
• 7:09
  Speaker: in my closet that is clean, that is
• 7:11
  Speaker: not like a dress suit or something.
• 7:13
  Speaker: So, I go ahead and I find this
• 7:16
  Speaker: t-shirt.
• 7:17
  Speaker: I'm like, oh, well, it's clean.
• 7:19
  Speaker: Let's put it on.
• 7:21
  Speaker: And I gave pause and I gave pause
• 7:24
  Speaker: because where I live, there's a lot of
• 7:28
  Speaker: flags that have the name of a former
• 7:33
  Speaker: president and a lot of signage promoting this
• 7:38
  Speaker: person as a future president or presidential candidate
• 7:44
  Speaker: or however you want to look at it.
• 7:47
  Speaker: And so, those flags on those lawns tell
• 7:50
  Speaker: me a lot about those people and tell
• 7:52
  Speaker: me what they believe in.
• 7:54
  Speaker: Now, would it be fair to me assume
• 7:56
  Speaker: that everyone who has one of those flags
• 7:59
  Speaker: is a racist?
• 8:01
  Speaker: No, it's not really fair.
• 8:03
  Speaker: These people believe what they believe.
• 8:06
  Speaker: But it does give me pause, especially knowing
• 8:09
  Speaker: that 90 minutes away, I had an encounter
• 8:16
  Speaker: with a very drunk Uber passenger who proceeded
• 8:21
  Speaker: to use the N-word throughout the entire
• 8:24
  Speaker: 30-minute drive.
• 8:28
  Speaker: Well, he was hitting on me, right?
• 8:30
  Speaker: N-word.
• 8:31
  Speaker: Blah, blah, blah.
• 8:32
  Speaker: Oh, you're so hot.
• 8:33
  Speaker: Can I get your phone number?
• 8:34
  Speaker: N-word.
• 8:35
  Speaker: And this guy was sitting next to me
• 8:37
  Speaker: because there were two passengers in the car.
• 8:39
  Speaker: Oh, my goodness.
• 8:40
  Speaker: It was the worst, okay?
• 8:42
  Speaker: So, if you drive for Uber, be safe.
• 8:46
  Speaker: But, and I did like afterwards, I flagged
• 8:50
  Speaker: that this passenger was not a cool person
• 8:53
  Speaker: at all.
• 8:55
  Speaker: And so, there's that in my mind, is
• 9:00
  Speaker: I've had this really negative experience of racism.
• 9:05
  Speaker: And mind you, I've lived in San Francisco.
• 9:07
  Speaker: I've lived in New York.
• 9:08
  Speaker: So, I've kind of encountered all the things,
• 9:11
  Speaker: all the possibilities.
• 9:13
  Speaker: And that was definitely, that drive was definitely
• 9:15
  Speaker: the first time where I was like, oh,
• 9:17
  Speaker: my gosh, I'm going to end up on
• 9:18
  Speaker: like some true crime channel or something.
• 9:20
  Speaker: This is crazy.
• 9:22
  Speaker: And then we have the knowledge that only
• 9:26
  Speaker: a few hours away, what, maybe another 90
• 9:31
  Speaker: minutes, 90 minutes to two hours, there is
• 9:35
  Speaker: KKK headquarters.
• 9:37
  Speaker: And so, I have these things in my
• 9:41
  Speaker: mind.
• 9:42
  Speaker: And I wanted to wear this shirt because
• 9:44
  Speaker: there was nothing else to wear.
• 9:46
  Speaker: And I said, you know what?
• 9:50
  Speaker: Unapologetic, right?
• 9:52
  Speaker: Go take that walk, go do it.
• 9:54
  Speaker: And so, I put on this shirt, I
• 9:56
  Speaker: took the walk, I was power walking, I
• 9:57
  Speaker: was like, yeah, I got this, I got
• 9:59
  Speaker: this.
• 9:59
  Speaker: And then I started to think about a
• 10:05
  Speaker: little old man I saw in the grocery
• 10:07
  Speaker: store two days before, who was wearing a
• 10:11
  Speaker: red baseball cap.
• 10:13
  Speaker: And that red baseball cap said, Make America
• 10:18
  Speaker: Great Again.
• 10:20
  Speaker: And I remember how I felt seeing his
• 10:24
  Speaker: baseball cap.
• 10:25
  Speaker: And I felt like he'd slap me in
• 10:30
  Speaker: the face.
• 10:32
  Speaker: I did not feel comfortable.
• 10:35
  Speaker: And what does the slogan really mean?
• 10:39
  Speaker: We can flip it around all kinds of
• 10:41
  Speaker: ways.
• 10:43
  Speaker: Some people could say, no, it's just talking
• 10:45
  Speaker: about things before, you know, back in the
• 10:51
  Speaker: Ronald Reagan days.
• 10:53
  Speaker: Some people can say, no, it's talking about
• 10:55
  Speaker: things back where just after the war when
• 11:00
  Speaker: the US was a, you know, a powerhouse
• 11:04
  Speaker: financially and military.
• 11:06
  Speaker: You could say, it takes things back to
• 11:10
  Speaker: yield days of slavery and pre Abraham Lincoln,
• 11:17
  Speaker: pre Civil War, right?
• 11:19
  Speaker: And actually, it was a white actor, I
• 11:25
  Speaker: believe it was Bryan Cranston, who helped me
• 11:29
  Speaker: see that, oh, that is a very much
• 11:32
  Speaker: a possibility, right?
• 11:34
  Speaker: And then we can even go back and
• 11:36
  Speaker: look at, well, maybe it's also Make America
• 11:39
  Speaker: Great Again, it also means pre women's voting
• 11:42
  Speaker: rights.
• 11:43
  Speaker: So when you really think about it, it
• 11:46
  Speaker: is such a loaded phrase.
• 11:49
  Speaker: And as the kids say nowadays, I felt
• 11:51
  Speaker: triggered.
• 11:53
  Speaker: Now, I did not leave the grocery store
• 11:55
  Speaker: crying and like curled up into a ball,
• 11:57
  Speaker: and having like a total breakdown.
• 12:00
  Speaker: But I didn't like seeing that hat.
• 12:05
  Speaker: And for me, that hat was no different
• 12:08
  Speaker: than this little old man walking around with
• 12:11
  Speaker: a white hood on or a t shirt
• 12:14
  Speaker: that said, I'm a racist.
• 12:17
  Speaker: Now, hear me out.
• 12:20
  Speaker: Just a week before all of this, I
• 12:23
  Speaker: was chatting with my mom on the phone.
• 12:25
  Speaker: And she was telling me how she saw
• 12:27
  Speaker: a little old man, what is with this
• 12:29
  Speaker: little old man at a bingo hall.
• 12:34
  Speaker: And he he came to sit next to
• 12:36
  Speaker: her.
• 12:37
  Speaker: So the caregiver never wheeled his chair right
• 12:39
  Speaker: next to her.
• 12:40
  Speaker: And, you know, he was wearing a red
• 12:43
  Speaker: baseball cap.
• 12:44
  Speaker: And actually, this wasn't a week before, I
• 12:47
  Speaker: just realized this was shortly after my grocery
• 12:50
  Speaker: store experience.
• 12:51
  Speaker: So it's all around same time.
• 12:54
  Speaker: And he's wearing this red baseball cap.
• 12:57
  Speaker: And she's just kind of like, I don't
• 12:59
  Speaker: want him to sit next to me.
• 13:01
  Speaker: He's got a red baseball cap on poor
• 13:03
  Speaker: red baseball cap manufacturers, you guys must be
• 13:07
  Speaker: like, so upset.
• 13:09
  Speaker: Because on one hand, your sales boomed.
• 13:10
  Speaker: And on the other hand, people who make
• 13:13
  Speaker: red baseball caps that have anything other than
• 13:16
  Speaker: that particular slogan, y'all must be suffering
• 13:20
  Speaker: because nobody wants to buy your hat because
• 13:24
  Speaker: it's red.
• 13:25
  Speaker: Oh my goodness, those sports teams, they must
• 13:27
  Speaker: be kind of angry right now.
• 13:29
  Speaker: So anyway, she doesn't really want to be
• 13:34
  Speaker: next to this guy.
• 13:35
  Speaker: He's trying to talk to her.
• 13:37
  Speaker: And because he's older, she can't really understand
• 13:39
  Speaker: what he's saying and blah, blah, blah.
• 13:40
  Speaker: And she winds up talking to him.
• 13:45
  Speaker: I think the caregiver was like, oh, he's
• 13:46
  Speaker: asking you something or whatever.
• 13:49
  Speaker: Then my mom engages and they have a
• 13:54
  Speaker: nice time talking.
• 13:56
  Speaker: She realizes his hat doesn't say make America
• 14:00
  Speaker: great again, or anything like that, just a
• 14:02
  Speaker: red baseball cap.
• 14:04
  Speaker: And he was really nice.
• 14:06
  Speaker: And she had feelings because she was just
• 14:08
  Speaker: like, I was so put off by seeing
• 14:11
  Speaker: this cap.
• 14:11
  Speaker: And then I realized that I hadn't given
• 14:15
  Speaker: him a chance.
• 14:15
  Speaker: I just made an assumption.
• 14:17
  Speaker: And he wasn't even wearing the cap that
• 14:20
  Speaker: makes me feel threatened.
• 14:23
  Speaker: Right.
• 14:24
  Speaker: And so back to why my t-shirt
• 14:27
  Speaker: sucks.
• 14:28
  Speaker: And so does yours, which is, would someone
• 14:32
  Speaker: see my t-shirt and feel threatened?
• 14:35
  Speaker: Would they see this idea of being unapologetically
• 14:38
  Speaker: Black?
• 14:38
  Speaker: And would they find themselves thinking, oh my
• 14:41
  Speaker: gosh, this person who identifies as Black might
• 14:45
  Speaker: feel threatened by me because I am not
• 14:48
  Speaker: Black.
• 14:50
  Speaker: And so where I am wearing this shirt
• 14:54
  Speaker: to identify with the community, I'm also saying
• 14:56
  Speaker: I am separate from those who do not
• 14:59
  Speaker: identify with this community.
• 15:02
  Speaker: And does that make somebody more hesitant about
• 15:05
  Speaker: what they want to say to me?
• 15:08
  Speaker: Or how they want to interact with Do
• 15:12
  Speaker: they now feel that whereas before they might
• 15:15
  Speaker: just want to be like, oh, hey, how's
• 15:17
  Speaker: it going?
• 15:17
  Speaker: Maybe they're nervous to talk to me because
• 15:19
  Speaker: they might think that I might speak to
• 15:26
  Speaker: them and not want to speak to them
• 15:28
  Speaker: to be actually right.
• 15:30
  Speaker: Oh, maybe she doesn't want to talk to
• 15:32
  Speaker: me because I don't identify as part of
• 15:35
  Speaker: that community.
• 15:36
  Speaker: So whereas one hand this shirt says, hey,
• 15:38
  Speaker: if you're part of community, come talk to
• 15:40
  Speaker: me.
• 15:40
  Speaker: On the other hand, it says, if you're
• 15:42
  Speaker: not a part of this community, do I
• 15:45
  Speaker: want to talk to you?
• 15:46
  Speaker: Because we might not believe the same things
• 15:49
  Speaker: as opposed to unapologetically human.
• 15:53
  Speaker: I'll talk to humans, robots.
• 15:55
  Speaker: Oh, I got time for you.
• 15:57
  Speaker: And it's not just the MAGA.
• 16:01
  Speaker: It's not just the the Black Power shirts,
• 16:07
  Speaker: right?
• 16:08
  Speaker: Look at the shirt.
• 16:10
  Speaker: Look at the Irish kiss me.
• 16:12
  Speaker: I'm Irish, right?
• 16:13
  Speaker: There are some super cliches there like, oh,
• 16:16
  Speaker: you're Irish.
• 16:17
  Speaker: Hey, even if you don't have red hair,
• 16:21
  Speaker: and you're not Irish, or you're like, point
• 16:24
  Speaker: 0003% Irish, people still buy these shirts
• 16:29
  Speaker: that say kiss me, I'm Irish.
• 16:32
  Speaker: Hey, any people will do anything for a
• 16:34
  Speaker: little smooch on the old St. Patrick's Day,
• 16:37
  Speaker: let's be honest.
• 16:40
  Speaker: That shirt could be triggering for somebody.
• 16:43
  Speaker: There could be someone going, oh, you know,
• 16:47
  Speaker: this person is wearing this shirt that says
• 16:50
  Speaker: kiss me, they're Irish.
• 16:51
  Speaker: And when I looked at them, they just
• 16:53
  Speaker: seem like a human.
• 16:55
  Speaker: But now I see them as a human
• 16:56
  Speaker: who identifies as Irish.
• 16:58
  Speaker: And I had a negative experience with the
• 17:05
  Speaker: IRA, I think, um, being violent towards people
• 17:15
  Speaker: in my country, right?
• 17:17
  Speaker: The whole Irish English conflict.
• 17:21
  Speaker: Or I had a negative experience where someone
• 17:29
  Speaker: who is wearing a shirt, oh, goodness gracious.
• 17:34
  Speaker: So maybe someone's wearing a shirt that says,
• 17:39
  Speaker: so gay, let's slay or something, I don't
• 17:42
  Speaker: know, right?
• 17:44
  Speaker: And now you're not sure how to interact
• 17:48
  Speaker: with them, because you had a negative experience
• 17:51
  Speaker: where someone who identifies as gay, right, not
• 17:59
  Speaker: was, someone who is gay, um, became aggressive
• 18:04
  Speaker: towards you, maybe they were into you, and
• 18:08
  Speaker: then you're like, we're not really into you.
• 18:10
  Speaker: And then they stalked you or something.
• 18:13
  Speaker: And no, I'm not saying gay people stalk
• 18:14
  Speaker: people, nothing like that.
• 18:15
  Speaker: I'm just saying there's a lot of different
• 18:16
  Speaker: ways that people could have negative experiences, right?
• 18:19
  Speaker: And so maybe you had a negative experience
• 18:21
  Speaker: with someone.
• 18:22
  Speaker: And then you're like, oh, my goodness, I
• 18:24
  Speaker: see this shirt, and I am triggered.
• 18:28
  Speaker: Yeah.
• 18:29
  Speaker: And this brings up another thing is, why
• 18:33
  Speaker: is everybody triggered over everything?
• 18:37
  Speaker: What's up with that?
• 18:38
  Speaker: Oh, I just don't understand.
• 18:42
  Speaker: So yes, social media puts a lot more
• 18:45
  Speaker: things in front of us that, golly gosh,
• 18:51
  Speaker: we would not have so much exposure to
• 18:54
  Speaker: pre social media.
• 18:56
  Speaker: Hear me out.
• 18:58
  Speaker: I was at a show that I was
• 19:01
  Speaker: performing in, we're backstage, we're talking, I feel
• 19:04
  Speaker: sorry for the cast members that got stuck
• 19:06
  Speaker: with me, because I was not the person
• 19:07
  Speaker: like, oh, let's talk about what I got
• 19:09
  Speaker: at Target the other day.
• 19:10
  Speaker: And there was a cast member like that
• 19:11
  Speaker: in a separate show.
• 19:13
  Speaker: And I, I just kept being like, to
• 19:15
  Speaker: myself, she goes to Target a lot.
• 19:19
  Speaker: That's, that's interesting.
• 19:22
  Speaker: But, um, and you know, good for her.
• 19:25
  Speaker: She knew how she wanted to spin her
• 19:27
  Speaker: check, or maybe she just needed a lot
• 19:29
  Speaker: of stuff.
• 19:29
  Speaker: I have no idea.
• 19:31
  Speaker: However, we were talking, I mean, my group,
• 19:34
  Speaker: we were talking about what was going on
• 19:36
  Speaker: with Andrew Cuomo.
• 19:38
  Speaker: And before the evidence came out that he
• 19:40
  Speaker: was a total creeper, or is a total
• 19:42
  Speaker: creeper.
• 19:44
  Speaker: I made a comment based on what we
• 19:47
  Speaker: knew at that point, which is so far,
• 19:49
  Speaker: the things that are being said about this
• 19:51
  Speaker: guy just sound like the things that used
• 19:54
  Speaker: to be totally fine 15 years ago.
• 19:58
  Speaker: And one of my cast mates said, I
• 20:04
  Speaker: hear that, but it's a little, I have
• 20:10
  Speaker: had a family member be a little too
• 20:13
  Speaker: hands on and close.
• 20:15
  Speaker: I've had family members like that.
• 20:17
  Speaker: And so it's a little hard to hear
• 20:23
  Speaker: this.
• 20:24
  Speaker: And I immediately went, oh my goodness, I
• 20:28
  Speaker: did not mean to imply that I was
• 20:31
  Speaker: not sympathetic to someone's experiences.
• 20:37
  Speaker: And I felt really bad.
• 20:38
  Speaker: I felt really ignorant.
• 20:40
  Speaker: And just reflecting on this right now, I'm
• 20:43
  Speaker: saying to myself, well, was I ignorant?
• 20:44
  Speaker: Because I was commenting on the evidence that
• 20:48
  Speaker: I knew at that point.
• 20:49
  Speaker: And I did state that.
• 20:51
  Speaker: However, was it insensitive of me to try
• 21:01
  Speaker: to have this conversation, not asking myself, well,
• 21:05
  Speaker: is there anything that I could say that
• 21:07
  Speaker: might be misconstrued by anyone else?
• 21:09
  Speaker: And to me, I'm just going to actually
• 21:11
  Speaker: say that I don't think it was ignorant
• 21:13
  Speaker: to have the conversation.
• 21:14
  Speaker: I think that it's important to have those
• 21:16
  Speaker: kinds of conversations.
• 21:17
  Speaker: And I love that this talented artist was
• 21:20
  Speaker: able to say, hey, this is what my
• 21:23
  Speaker: viewpoint is.
• 21:24
  Speaker: And I was like, cool.
• 21:25
  Speaker: All right.
• 21:25
  Speaker: And I did say to her, I hope
• 21:29
  Speaker: I didn't offend you or anything like that.
• 21:33
  Speaker: I'm just commenting on what I understand to
• 21:37
  Speaker: be at this time.
• 21:37
  Speaker: And I thank you for sharing your experience.
• 21:39
  Speaker: And she's like, yeah, yeah, yeah, no, it's
• 21:41
  Speaker: fine.
• 21:44
  Speaker: But with that being said, that situation worked
• 21:48
  Speaker: really well.
• 21:49
  Speaker: I've seen so many things online where people
• 21:51
  Speaker: are like, please don't talk about DV or
• 21:58
  Speaker: SA because it triggers me.
• 22:03
  Speaker: I'm a victim of blah, blah, blah.
• 22:06
  Speaker: And my issue with that is that someone's
• 22:13
  Speaker: experienced something negative.
• 22:17
  Speaker: We all have trauma, apparently, according to all
• 22:21
  Speaker: this teacher training I've had.
• 22:23
  Speaker: Everyone has trauma.
• 22:25
  Speaker: And we all walk on eggshells.
• 22:28
  Speaker: So if we all have trauma, if we're
• 22:31
  Speaker: all suffering from something, then we can't talk
• 22:36
  Speaker: about anything.
• 22:37
  Speaker: And if we can't talk about anything, which
• 22:39
  Speaker: is something a lot of people would prefer,
• 22:43
  Speaker: don't talk about it.
• 22:45
  Speaker: And then as long as no one's talking
• 22:47
  Speaker: about it, others can do what they wish.
• 22:53
  Speaker: If you think about some of the issues
• 22:57
  Speaker: with World War II, we don't talk about
• 23:00
  Speaker: the fact that we're doing a lot of
• 23:01
  Speaker: messed up things.
• 23:03
  Speaker: If you think about a lot of the
• 23:06
  Speaker: big businesses that have embezzled tons of money
• 23:10
  Speaker: or big financial crashes where people aren't talking
• 23:14
  Speaker: about the fact that, why is Wamuu giving
• 23:17
  Speaker: these loans to people who don't have the
• 23:19
  Speaker: money to pay it back?
• 23:21
  Speaker: Is this okay?
• 23:22
  Speaker: Oh, my boss just says, go ahead and
• 23:24
  Speaker: keep giving out the loans.
• 23:26
  Speaker: Okay.
• 23:26
  Speaker: Just got to keep giving out the loans.
• 23:28
  Speaker: You're approved.
• 23:29
  Speaker: You have no job.
• 23:30
  Speaker: You're approved.
• 23:31
  Speaker: You have no home.
• 23:32
  Speaker: You're approved.
• 23:33
  Speaker: You have no money.
• 23:38
  Speaker: What?
• 23:39
  Speaker: You have 10 houses and no collateral?
• 23:45
  Speaker: Sure.
• 23:45
  Speaker: Let's give you another loan for another house.
• 23:47
  Speaker: Ding.
• 23:48
  Speaker: Amazing.
• 23:49
  Speaker: And so it comes to this point where
• 23:53
  Speaker: it's just kind of like, we can't talk
• 23:55
  Speaker: about anything.
• 23:56
  Speaker: And that's a problem because if we can't
• 24:00
  Speaker: talk about anything, then how can we find
• 24:02
  Speaker: solutions towards what's going on?
• 24:07
  Speaker: How can we call out, oh, that looks
• 24:09
  Speaker: like a problem.
• 24:10
  Speaker: And we should use our collective knowledge to
• 24:13
  Speaker: keep this from becoming a bigger problem and
• 24:15
  Speaker: to find a solution.
• 24:17
  Speaker: And so is it wrong to wear the
• 24:21
  Speaker: hat, the shirt?
• 24:23
  Speaker: Is it?
• 24:25
  Speaker: Are those things able to open up conversations
• 24:29
  Speaker: or does it just simply separate us and
• 24:31
  Speaker: make us all only approachable, acceptable to a
• 24:36
  Speaker: certain group?
• 24:38
  Speaker: Is being triggered a bad thing?
• 24:41
  Speaker: I mean, should we just learn to deal
• 24:43
  Speaker: with stuff in a different way as opposed
• 24:45
  Speaker: to saying, hey, let's avoid being triggered.
• 24:50
  Speaker: Well, no.
• 24:50
  Speaker: Lots to think about.
• 24:52
  Speaker: And yeah, I'm still thinking about this shirt.
• 24:56
  Speaker: Do I want to wear it around on
• 25:00
  Speaker: a non-Juneteenth day?
• 25:03
  Speaker: On Juneteenth, it sends the message that I
• 25:05
  Speaker: want.
• 25:06
  Speaker: It's a day of celebration, just like the
• 25:08
  Speaker: St. Patty's Day shirt.
• 25:09
  Speaker: It sends the message that you want on
• 25:10
  Speaker: that day of celebration.
• 25:12
  Speaker: But outside the day of celebration, is it
• 25:16
  Speaker: necessary for me to wear a shirt?
• 25:18
  Speaker: Am I inviting others to approach me and
• 25:20
  Speaker: engage in a conversation about what it means
• 25:22
  Speaker: to be unapologetically Black?
• 25:24
  Speaker: Are I asking people to only see me
• 25:26
  Speaker: as Black as opposed to see me also
• 25:28
  Speaker: as an awesome human and not a robot?
• 25:32
  Speaker: So many thoughts and so many places to
• 25:35
  Speaker: go.
• 25:35
  Speaker: Should our clothes that help us identify with
• 25:39
  Speaker: a certain group, should that be seen for
• 25:43
  Speaker: those special occasions when we want to announce
• 25:48
  Speaker: being a part of that group?
• 25:50
  Speaker: I mean, if I saw somebody walk around
• 25:52
  Speaker: in a white bathrobe, I wouldn't suddenly be
• 25:54
  Speaker: like, you are wearing a white robe.
• 25:56
  Speaker: You are a racist.
• 25:59
  Speaker: Or maybe you're wearing a white robe.
• 26:01
  Speaker: You just spent a lot of time in
• 26:03
  Speaker: a hotel on vacation.
• 26:05
  Speaker: Why is it that I'm assigning so much
• 26:09
  Speaker: meaning to clothes or not even just what
• 26:14
  Speaker: clothes say, but also just should we
• 26:24
  Speaker: save those clothing items that help us identify
• 26:32
  Speaker: with being a part of a group for
• 26:37
  Speaker: a special occasion like Juneteenth or St. Patrick's
• 26:41
  Speaker: Day?
• 26:42
  Speaker: I mean, just because it's a red hat
• 26:44
  Speaker: doesn't necessarily mean that that person identifies with
• 26:48
  Speaker: a certain political belief or political group.
• 26:51
  Speaker: I mean, after all, if I saw somebody
• 26:53
  Speaker: walking around with a white robe on, I
• 26:55
  Speaker: wouldn't be like, you, you are a racist
• 26:57
  Speaker: because clearly you identify with a group of
• 27:00
  Speaker: people who like to burn crosses.
• 27:03
  Speaker: I might say, ah, have you just recently
• 27:06
  Speaker: come out of the hospital because it is
• 27:08
  Speaker: quite random that you seem to be wandering
• 27:10
  Speaker: around the streets wearing a white robe.
• 27:12
  Speaker: Or I might say, hey, that person must
• 27:15
  Speaker: have had an awesome spa day.
• 27:18
  Speaker: Or maybe that person's just really stylish.
• 27:20
  Speaker: I don't know.
• 27:22
  Speaker: Should we even be triggered by what someone
• 27:25
  Speaker: is wearing, what their clothes may or may
• 27:28
  Speaker: not say?
• 27:29
  Speaker: I mean, after all, seeing a t-shirt
• 27:31
  Speaker: of some model grabbing her boobs or looking
• 27:35
  Speaker: really sexy and alluring doesn't make me go,
• 27:38
  Speaker: you, you must be into porn or you
• 27:42
  Speaker: must be someone who is completely opposed to
• 27:49
  Speaker: viewing women as human beings with brains and
• 27:55
  Speaker: not just physical entities for your amusement and
• 28:02
  Speaker: sexual pleasure.
• 28:04
  Speaker: Maybe, maybe I should just accept clothes as
• 28:08
  Speaker: clothes and not worry so much about triggers.
• 28:13
  Speaker: And you know, that brings the other question,
• 28:16
  Speaker: should we even be concerned or so concerned
• 28:19
  Speaker: about people's triggers?
• 28:22
  Speaker: Trigger warning.
• 28:24
  Speaker: Just before you watch this video, know there
• 28:27
  Speaker: is violence.
• 28:28
  Speaker: I'm watching the news.
• 28:30
  Speaker: You just started reporting on a story in
• 28:33
  Speaker: which someone was brutally attacked.
• 28:35
  Speaker: Should I assume there won't be violence in
• 28:38
  Speaker: there?
• 28:39
  Speaker: Why do you have to give me a
• 28:40
  Speaker: trigger warning so that I know, okay, I
• 28:42
  Speaker: might need to really think about whether or
• 28:44
  Speaker: not I want to keep watching the news.
• 28:48
  Speaker: What point do we draw the line?
• 28:52
  Speaker: Should we draw the line?
• 28:54
  Speaker: When I was in family therapy, one of
• 28:57
  Speaker: the things I, and which never got an
• 28:59
  Speaker: answer, by the way, is at what point
• 29:01
  Speaker: do we stop sugarcoating everything and presenting it
• 29:05
  Speaker: as, oh, well, if that doesn't make you
• 29:07
  Speaker: comfortable, then we're going to make some changes.
• 29:10
  Speaker: If the possibility of my getting upset by
• 29:15
  Speaker: something you have done or have not done
• 29:18
  Speaker: make you anxious and not want to talk
• 29:20
  Speaker: to me, at what point do we stop
• 29:25
  Speaker: expecting me to change my behavior and for
• 29:27
  Speaker: you to look at your reaction?
• 29:29
  Speaker: So at what point do we stop expecting
• 29:31
  Speaker: others to not wear certain clothes, to not
• 29:36
  Speaker: do certain things and really think about how
• 29:39
  Speaker: we react to those clothes or what that
• 29:43
  Speaker: person is doing?
• 29:45
  Speaker: So maybe, maybe my shirt ain't a problem.
• 29:48
  Speaker: Maybe my shirt is just fine.
• 29:50
  Speaker: Maybe that red baseball cap, maybe it's totally
• 29:56
  Speaker: fine.
• 29:57
  Speaker: And maybe the problem is