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Empowering Resilient Kids: Embracing Growth Mindset and Team Spirit with Joe Martin · The Spiritual Parent: Mindful Tools for Raising Spiritual and Conscious Kids

0:00
Joe: Let them fail early and often and fix their mistakes and get better as they go.
0:03
Joe: That's how you grow.
0:04
Joe: That's how you become the person you're meant to be by making mistakes, man.
0:07
Joe: The mistakes I've made in my life have probably propelled me forward further than anything else.
0:12
Joe: Those are those learning experiences.
0:14
Joe: They're not much fun.
0:15
Joe: They're not fun a lot of the times, but I think a lot of us as parents, we love our kids so much.
0:20
Joe: We try to keep them from failure.
0:21
Joe: We try to keep them from failure.
0:22
Joe: We try to do things for them in their place, or that's just going to stunt their growth.
0:26
Joe: We need to let them fail.
0:27
Joe: You picture a kid, when he's little, trying to pour a glass of milk.
0:30
Joe: Oh, that's a terrible sight, isn't it?
0:33
Joe: They're going to fail at pouring that glass.
0:35
Joe: It's going to be everywhere in your kitchen.
0:36
Joe: But if they keep at it, eventually they'll be able to do it.
0:42
Joe: But if you always pour that kid's milk, he's going to be 40 years old and not know how to pour a glass of milk.
0:45
Carrie: Hi Conscious Parents.
0:46
Carrie: It's Keri here and I am here with a little info about raising our mindful kids.
0:50
Carrie: I've got some tips and tricks about breaking free of the box and becoming who you are and teaching your kids how to do that.
0:57
Carrie: Along the way, join us, hi Conscious Moms and Dads.
1:01
Carrie: Do you have moments where you miss that flow state that you used to find before becoming a parent?
1:07
Carrie: Was there something that you used to work in that your heart was really passionate about and you felt like you were making a difference in the world?
1:14
Carrie: You can join us with a free guided meditation, available in the show notes, to help you rediscover your passion in life.
1:23
Carrie: Hi there and welcome back.
1:26
Carrie: It's Keri here, your friendly, mindful mama, and I have an awesome guest today.
1:31
Carrie: I have Joe Martin.
1:32
Carrie: He's a coach, author, speaker, fitness business owner and the creator of Relentless Positivity Mentoring, which I love the title of your company or your creation and he has over 15 years of experience helping hundreds of kids grow and thrive, and I love.
1:51
Carrie: Joe is working to empower parents with the tools we need to help raise confident, resilient and empathetic kids.
1:58
Carrie: So, joe, thanks so much for being here today.
2:01
Carrie: I'm so excited to connect with you.
2:02
Carrie: Thanks so much.
2:03
Carrie: Oh yeah, carrie, thanks for having me on.
2:03
Carrie: I'm so excited to connect with you.
2:04
Carrie: Thanks so much.
2:05
Joe: Oh yeah, Carrie, thanks for having me on.
2:06
Joe: I really love the mission of your podcast.
2:08
Joe: I'm excited to be a guest.
2:10
Carrie: Yeah, I love you and I were just chatting before we hit record today about this piece of empowering our kids and what have you found in your coaching journey?
2:19
Carrie: What does that look like?
2:20
Carrie: What have you found helps with that mindset piece for kids?
2:24
Carrie: Have you found that in the sports realm as well?
2:27
Joe: Yeah.
2:27
Joe: So I liked the reason the time I wrote a book and it's called you're not who you're going to be.
2:32
Joe: Cause that was my message, cause I coach middle school football and there can be a wide variety of physicality at that age.
2:38
Joe: You'll get a kid who's 180 pounds, he's got a mustache, he's got six pack abs already and he's like a full grown man at 13, 14 years old.
2:47
Joe: And then the kids same age, same grade, right next to him weighs 50 pounds, his arms look like toothpicks.
2:52
Joe: This is like two different species.
2:54
Joe: But you don't know what's going to happen in the next six, seven, eight, nine years of your life.
2:59
Joe: You can grow and change.
3:00
Joe: The guy that's already got the mustache, he's probably topped out, he's already a man.
3:03
Joe: But and I think about my son who, when he was in middle school, he was very tall but he wasn't coordinated.
3:08
Joe: Those two didn't come together and he would.
3:10
Joe: He was always turning over the ball in basketball, he was put on the bench and he just didn't think he was very good, but he kept working at it and getting better and now he's playing division one basketball.
3:18
Joe: That's a match, these kids, because they can't see to next week.
3:21
Joe: So just if you can get them kind of thinking a little bit more long-term that, hey, you're not stuck being whoever you are right here, it could be school, your grades or what you look like, or you're not going to.
3:30
Joe: You're going to change and grow and learn so much You're not who you're going to be.
3:34
Carrie: Yes, it's true, kids.
3:35
Carrie: They focus so much in like right now and it's hard to think of the mindset of what the future has to bring, as you're describing.
3:42
Carrie: The second kiddo I just think of, my son is really into the series the Diary of a Wimpy Kid and I'm picturing that kid going out on the sports field and I think it quickly.
3:54
Carrie: We can quickly realize when we look around and how disheartening it can feel if you're looking at other kids that do have the mustaches already in middle school.
4:03
Carrie: So what does that look like for you?
4:05
Carrie: How do you?
4:05
Carrie: What are some?
4:07
Carrie: Do you have any a tool or anything you can share with parents that you've realized or found that helps with some of these kids that feel like the diary of the Wimpy Kid when they're walking out on the field?
4:17
Joe: I think it's realizing the difference between encouragement and praise.
4:20
Joe: Praise the mustache kid probably gets the praise right Cause he's probably a great athlete, he's very strong.
4:30
Joe: Naturally, there's nothing really did he, just that's who he is.
4:31
Joe: It's always the prettiest girl in school or the smartest kid they're.
4:32
Joe: They may not study or do anything, they just naturally know all this stuff.
4:33
Joe: Oh, you're always so smart.
4:36
Joe: Meanwhile, there's some kid that's struggling just to get those c's.
4:38
Joe: Like he's studying every night, he's doing all his homework just to get by with those c's.
4:42
Joe: That's the kid you want to encourage and say hey, this is going to pay off.
4:45
Joe: These study habits you're learning right now, this ability to have this work ethic, it's going to pay off.
4:50
Joe: That's more the encouragement that you can see.
4:52
Joe: Fostering that growth mindset is so important in these kids because it will pay off and eventually, on the other end, the kids that have never had to work hard and just always been it's become easy to them.
5:01
Joe: They're going to have a rude awakening one day.
5:03
Joe: I talk about those kids that get the highest grades on the ACT 4.0.
5:07
Joe: Then they go to Ivy League schools and everyone's super smart and the classes are so much harder.
5:13
Joe: Those kids fail out at a very high rate because they've never faced adversity like this.
5:17
Joe: The kid that's going to go through that adversity and make it through he's usually more successful in life.
5:22
Carrie: Yeah, I love that.
5:24
Carrie: It through he's usually more successful in life.
5:26
Carrie: Yeah, I love that.
5:27
Carrie: Having those challenges and learning how to face and overcome those challenges.
5:29
Carrie: Learning how to I yeah, there's that thing we talk about with gifted and talented kids.
5:33
Carrie: Those kids that testing comes easy.
5:35
Carrie: It's learning how to study.
5:37
Carrie: They never had to learn that.
5:39
Carrie: Learning how to try new things.
5:41
Carrie: So I actually had a coach at my kid's elementary school and he had mentioned to have kids try different sports.
5:45
Carrie: So I actually had a coach at my kid's elementary school and he had mentioned to have kids try different sports.
5:49
Carrie: He had said don't just channel them into one thing.
5:52
Carrie: Is that part of learning how to try different things and learning to try things that are hard or challenging?
5:58
Carrie: Is that the mindset there?
6:00
Joe: How do you know you're good at it or not good?
6:02
Joe: Until you try it right.
6:03
Joe: You may be the best hockey player in the world, but you've never tried it before.
6:06
Joe: Go out, and here's the deal, it's okay.
6:08
Joe: If you're not good at it, it's okay.
6:10
Joe: You try.
6:10
Joe: You may love playing.
6:11
Joe: You may not be very good at it, but you can go out and try and play.
6:14
Joe: Here's a tip for parents Let your kids fail, it's okay.
6:19
Joe: It life, they're going to fail.
6:20
Joe: They might as well fail in a safe space at home, with you there, walking them through it, and you can give them advice and ways to get through this before they get out and they're not under your roof anymore and they fail.
6:29
Joe: Then they don't have anywhere to turn.
6:31
Joe: They don't know how this, what this looks like.
6:32
Joe: Let them fail early and often and fix their mistakes and get better as they go.
6:36
Joe: That's how you grow, that's how you become the person you're meant to be.
6:38
Joe: By making mistakes, man.
6:40
Joe: The mistakes I've made in my life have probably propelled me forward further than anything else.
6:45
Joe: Those are those learning experiences.
6:47
Joe: They're not much fun.
6:48
Joe: They're not fun a lot of the times, but I think a lot of us as parents, we love our kids so much we try to keep them from failure, or we try to do things for them in their place, or that's just going to stunt their growth.
6:59
Joe: We need to let them fail.
7:00
Joe: You picture a kid, when he's little, trying to pour a glass of milk.
7:06
Joe: Oh, that's a terrible side, isn't it?
7:07
Joe: They're going to fail at pouring that glass.
7:08
Joe: It's going to be everywhere in your kitchen.
7:09
Joe: But if they keep at it, eventually they'll be able to do it.
7:13
Joe: But if you always pour that kid's milk, he's going to be 40 years old and not know how to pour a glass of milk.
7:17
Joe: That's an extreme example.
7:19
Joe: But things like that let them fail, it's okay.
7:22
Carrie: Yes, what would I tell my six-year-old daughter?
7:25
Carrie: She is a little bit of a perfectionist and she brings all the energy.
7:29
Carrie: So we are trying to get her into soccer, but she says, mom, I don't want to lose, I can't handle it If we, if our team loses.
7:35
Carrie: What do I tell somebody like that?
7:38
Joe: So there is an old football coach.
7:40
Joe: His name was Bill Walsh and his whole thing was the scoreboard will take care of itself.
7:44
Joe: So every individual player focuses on what is my task, what is my job.
7:49
Joe: I don't care what the scoreboard says.
7:50
Joe: If we all do our jobs, the scoreboard will take care of itself.
7:53
Joe: So if you can get her maybe focusing on, here's what you're supposed to be doing.
7:57
Joe: Obviously, you have teammates in soccer.
7:59
Joe: They have to worry about that a little bit.
8:00
Joe: But did you give your best effort?
8:02
Joe: Did you do what you were supposed to do?
8:04
Joe: Don't worry about if you're winning or losing.
8:06
Joe: Did you handle what you can control?
8:07
Joe: So my job as a coach is I try to talk about kids, attitude and effort.
8:12
Joe: That's the things you have 100% control over.
8:15
Joe: You don't have control over whether you have the mustache and the six pack abs, but you can go, show up and practice as hard as you can.
8:20
Joe: You play as hard as you can.
8:21
Joe: Have a good, positive attitude, be supportive of your teammates.
8:24
Joe: All those things are going to pay off later in life.
8:27
Joe: Those are great employees.
8:28
Joe: People are like that.
8:29
Joe: So trying to find these life lessons within sports has always been my goal for these kids, to show them that these translate into real life.
8:35
Joe: So focus on what you can control and your attitude, and the rest should take care of itself.
8:40
Carrie: Okay, I love that.
8:41
Carrie: What would you say to the parent that calls out other kids as grass pickers?
8:47
Carrie: I have had my kid called a grass picker.
8:49
Carrie: He didn't hear it, luckily, but other parents heard it.
8:52
Carrie: What would you say to those parents?
8:54
Joe: Yeah, I was like maybe he's the best grass picker in the world.
8:58
Joe: You don't know what this kid's capable of.
8:59
Joe: How old was your son at this time?
9:02
Carrie: First grade he was six or seven.
9:05
Joe: Man, that parent doesn't need to be around sports.
9:08
Joe: I'm just saying, if that kid wants to pick grass, let the kid pick grass.
9:13
Joe: It's okay.
9:14
Joe: Man, are you having fun?
9:14
Joe: Are you having fun picking that grass?
9:15
Joe: You're six years old.
9:16
Joe: You're fun picking that grass?
9:21
Joe: You're six years old, you're a first grader.
9:22
Joe: Sports are supposed to be fun, especially at that age.
9:23
Joe: If that's what he wants to do, that's okay.
9:24
Joe: If that keeps him coming back to practice and you don't have to drag him, then that's okay.
9:28
Joe: Uh, he's outside, he's getting fresh air, he's getting sunshine.
9:32
Joe: Who cares if he's picking grass?
9:33
Joe: We're not trying to win the championship.
9:34
Joe: Hey, listen, you can't be, uh, bill belichick or whatever of the six-year-old soccer league.
9:39
Joe: It's okay.
9:40
Joe: You're right.
9:41
Joe: Just keep the parents in mind.
9:43
Joe: Don't try to live your dreams through your kids.
9:45
Joe: Not a lot in sports.
9:46
Joe: I see that a lot as a coach.
9:47
Joe: They got to walk their own path.
9:50
Joe: Leave other kids alone.
9:50
Joe: Keep your mouth off of other kids.
9:52
Joe: That's my as a coach.
9:53
Joe: I don't you talk to your kid your kid.
10:00
Joe: I don't want to see it.
10:00
Joe: But you talk to your kid how you want to leave that kid alone.
10:02
Joe: That ain't your kid.
10:02
Carrie: You don't worry about.
10:03
Carrie: Why are you even worried about that?
10:04
Carrie: Yeah, for sure, and my kid also was the kid that was pulling the kids up that fell down when they got knocked over so we all need the team connector, right the team, the person that brings the spirit yeah, the praise and encouragement thing.
10:16
Joe: He's probably not get praised as a the best soccer player, but, man, he's an awesome teammate.
10:19
Joe: Encourage that teammate, that teamwork, that, hey, he's a helper.
10:22
Joe: I want that kid in life.
10:24
Joe: That kid's gonna be a winner, the one that lifts up others and helps them up.
10:27
Joe: Who cares if you score a goal when you're six years old?
10:30
Joe: It may be awesome at the time, but I want to remember that kid who showed kindness, he showed he's a good teammate.
10:36
Joe: He hustled over there, helped, helped him off, and if he's picking grass on the other time, though, who cares?
10:41
Carrie: Definitely Gotta have the spirit there.
10:43
Carrie: Hi there, changemaker.
10:45
Carrie: Moms and dads.
10:46
Carrie: It's Carrie here.
10:47
Carrie: I hope you're enjoying today's episode.
10:49
Carrie: If there's any pieces of this episode that resonate with you, we would love for you to share it with a friend.
10:55
Carrie: A little helping hand goes a long way.
10:57
Carrie: We appreciate you tuning in.
10:58
Carrie: And here's more.
10:59
Carrie: I've also heard somebody.
11:01
Carrie: I was talking to somebody about this giant high school that we have near our house and I was saying, man, that feels really intense, all those kids there.
11:10
Carrie: And somebody had mentioned if you're involved in some type of activity, that's how you create your community.
11:16
Carrie: Do you find that to help kids?
11:18
Joe: Absolutely.
11:18
Joe: Yeah, my son just graduated from the same high school I went to.
11:21
Joe: It's about 2000 kids.
11:22
Joe: You can get lost in the shuffle and there's bigger schools, much bigger schools than that.
11:26
Joe: So you've got to find your people.
11:27
Joe: Like for him.
11:28
Joe: He found that basketball was his thing.
11:30
Joe: A lot of kids find it in band or maybe the chess club after school.
11:33
Joe: But something where you have some people you're around that can lift you up, help you out.
11:38
Joe: Because especially when you're a freshman in that high school you talk about growing people.
11:42
Joe: You think people look super old.
11:44
Joe: Then they're 18, 19 years old.
11:46
Joe: That's an adult, right?
11:47
Joe: You come in there at 14 years old.
11:49
Joe: That's a big deal.
11:50
Joe: So if you can be around other people, so luckily my school, my son's school, had the freshman academy.
11:55
Joe: So they're a little bit separate.
11:56
Joe: They get the high school experience but they're still around other freshmen.
11:58
Joe: But I just try to get them.
11:59
Joe: It doesn't have to be sports, academics.
12:01
Joe: Find something that's your tribe, you can find your people.
12:04
Carrie: Yes, I love that and I think you mentioned did you mention challenges?
12:09
Carrie: I would love to hear your perspective on something challenging.
12:12
Carrie: We have the super helicopter parent right.
12:20
Joe: That's always trying to remove the challenges from in front of our children.
12:22
Joe: What would you say?
12:23
Joe: Rather than removing that obstacle, I might just they're about to jump over a wall you walk with them and coach them up over that wall.
12:27
Joe: Help them problem solve.
12:29
Joe: What would you do here?
12:30
Joe: And if they can't figure it out, then you can maybe help them out.
12:34
Joe: Let them find the answer themselves.
12:36
Joe: Don't do it.
12:37
Joe: You're going to cripple your children if you always do it for them.
12:39
Joe: There are parents going on job interviews for professional jobs.
12:44
Joe: Right now.
12:44
Joe: Someone's mom is sitting in the room with them as they do interviews.
12:47
Joe: This is a real thing.
12:48
Joe: You can look it up.
12:50
Joe: That is unbelievable to me.
12:52
Joe: That is, let that kid.
12:53
Joe: If he goes out and fails, it's okay.
12:55
Joe: If he doesn't get the job, it's okay.
12:57
Joe: We've all gone to job interviews and not gotten the job and we did it without our parents in the room.
13:01
Joe: And then, if you do get it, it's not your victory.
13:05
Joe: You didn't get that win.
13:07
Joe: You don't know.
13:07
Joe: I'm going to build your confidence that way, because mom probably set up the interview, tied your tie before he walked you in there, answered questions on your behalf.
13:15
Joe: These things are going on right now and it gets back to the parents just love their kids and they want to see them succeed.
13:21
Joe: They want the best for them, but that's not the way to do it.
13:24
Carrie: Yeah, so what's the difference between praise and encouragement?
13:29
Carrie: I'm curious, I don't know.
13:31
Joe: I'm curious, I just got to look at it where encouragement is more.
13:34
Joe: If you look at that growth mindset, where it's things you have attitude and effort tie into that, the things that you can get better at, praise is things you naturally have.
13:42
Joe: If you're just a good looking guy or good looking girl and you just woke up that morning, you look like that, they tend to get all the praise but it's empty.
13:50
Joe: They didn't have to, they didn't really do anything to garner that praise or anything like that.
13:54
Joe: Encouragement is something they can.
13:56
Joe: If they keep doing it, they can get better at it.
13:58
Joe: They like that.
13:59
Joe: If you look at it that like the guy that your son helping out people, I would encourage that right away.
14:03
Joe: I would see that and be like, oh man, awesome job, helping that kid out.
14:06
Joe: That's what we want to see out here, things like that.
14:08
Joe: But the kids that just it just outruns everybody and scores a goal.
14:11
Joe: I'm going to cheer them on.
14:12
Joe: Don't get me wrongaches like to win, but that's just going to.
14:18
Joe: He's already fast.
14:18
Joe: What do you want to say?
14:19
Joe: Good job, keep that up.
14:20
Joe: He can keep getting better at dribbling the ball and you can get a little bit faster and things like that.
14:24
Joe: But the things I like to see are those character-based things and those hard work things that they feed into that gross mindset that the kid will connect the dots, that if I do this I get better and if I keep doing I get better and better, that I can improve.
14:41
Carrie: I when I get better and better, that I can improve.
14:42
Carrie: I love that.
14:43
Carrie: Okay, so I have a question, as we're talking about middle schoolers.
14:45
Carrie: My daughter is six and she asked for asked about trying to get on my cell phone, and we're very anti.
14:49
Carrie: We don't do a lot of devices in our house.
14:51
Carrie: What are your thoughts on cell phones for preteens and teenagers and what are your feelings on these?
14:58
Joe: Heat them off as long as possible and if you can avoid them at all.
15:02
Joe: Some people they've already opened that Pandora's box.
15:05
Joe: I get it, man, there's.
15:06
Joe: There's kids at so young age that have those things.
15:09
Joe: But if you've already let them, main thing is do not let them keep those thing in the bedroom at night.
15:14
Joe: There's no reason they need that at night.
15:21
Joe: My son was in middle school.
15:21
Joe: He would have people.
15:22
Joe: We kept his.
15:22
Joe: He got a.
15:22
Joe: He got a phone in middle school, probably a little early for us, but we did it.
15:24
Joe: Uh, we look back and it was very loaded, but anyway he would be getting text, social media messages and things like that.
15:29
Joe: Two, three in the morning on a school night.
15:31
Joe: Wow, there's kids out there.
15:32
Joe: There's no wonder they can't learn in school.
15:34
Joe: They're not in a good mood, they're because they're those.
15:37
Joe: How temptation is with your phone.
15:39
Joe: If you're like me, I look at my phone a lot, I gotta admit.
15:41
Joe: Yeah, if it was just sitting there I'd probably be tempted to look at it.
15:44
Joe: And if I hear that thing ding in the middle of the night, I'm gonna go check it.
15:47
Joe: And you think a 10 year old or 12 year old won't be do the same and if.
15:51
Joe: And another thing is, put some sort of monitoring software on there.
15:54
Joe: We use bark.
15:55
Joe: It's an app you use on there that tells them if there's bullying on there, if there's any kind of sexual things on there drugs, alcohol, those things.
16:01
Joe: You get alerts of what's going on in your kids' phones.
16:04
Joe: Now my wife always told, hey, at any time we could just grab your phone and look at it.
16:09
Joe: Whatever's on there, it doesn't need to be anything bad Monitoring those things and not letting them putting those in their room at night, because you'd be surprised how many kids have those things with them underneath their pillow or at their bedside.
16:20
Carrie: Oh, man.
16:21
Carrie: Okay, I have six and nine year olds, and so you're just scaring this mama away from any.
16:25
Carrie: I'm going to put that off as long as I can.
16:28
Joe: My son got a phone early because one day he used to ride his bike to school and we got this robo call that.
16:34
Joe: Hey, he rode his bike to school.
16:35
Joe: We got a robo call about 8 30.
16:37
Joe: School starts at 8.
16:38
Joe: Your son is missing from school, sure, and man, my heart dropped.
16:42
Joe: I about had a heart attack.
16:44
Joe: It ended up being just an error in the system.
16:46
Joe: They gave us that call and almost, but then I started thinking what it did?
16:49
Joe: What if something happened?
16:50
Joe: So we didn't get my phone at in fifth grade, which, like I said, was early, but it could only call out no social media or anything like that oh smart, yeah, yeah, you can do you can do.
16:58
Joe: There's some ways you can do it because I know some kids.
17:00
Joe: They need to be kept safe, they need some way to contact somebody.
17:03
Joe: But you can put those things where there's.
17:05
Joe: They can only do certain things.
17:06
Joe: But to just hand a kid at that age, just free reign with those things, it's wild.
17:11
Carrie: Yeah, it's really.
17:12
Carrie: I feel like there's a lot that kids learn.
17:15
Carrie: They learn when they have that access right, when everything is instant in their lives.
17:20
Carrie: It really decreases our acceptance for having to wait.
17:25
Carrie: Kids are not used to having to wait.
17:27
Carrie: We have Amazon packages being dropped off, we have curbside pickup instantly all this instant gratification.
17:34
Carrie: So have you found that kids are having a harder time trying to wait for things or keep going right with trying to practice and not getting it right away.
17:45
Joe: it was just kids, but it's adults too.
17:47
Joe: It's all of us right?
17:48
Joe: We live in a microwave society.
17:50
Joe: We want it now, we want it hot and ready right now.
17:53
Joe: I don't want to wait two minutes.
17:54
Joe: I gotta wait two minutes on this microwave meal.
17:56
Joe: That seems like an eternity.
17:57
Joe: So that's once it gets back to failure, right, because if they can't have something right now, then sometimes they'll give up, like kids quit things at a much higher rate these days because, oh, we can just go do something else.
18:08
Joe: This is hard when things get hard.
18:10
Joe: Then they turn to.
18:11
Joe: They try to quit, try to quit, and a lot of parents are letting them because, hey, a lot of us are busy, we have things going on.
18:18
Joe: It takes a lot of energy to do all that and if the kid doesn't want to do it, nobody wants to drag a kid to some sort of sporting event or activity they don't want to go to.
18:25
Joe: We've all done it and it's miserable.
18:26
Joe: So putting in that extra effort, it's tough.
18:29
Joe: So, yeah, helping kids realize that you stick things out A lot of us.
18:32
Joe: If you have your kids sign up for a sport, whether you like or not, you're going to finish the season, you may not be here.
18:37
Carrie: Yeah, yeah.
18:38
Joe: So you got to finish things out, teaching them that if you commit to something, we finish it.
18:43
Carrie: Yeah, I like that.
18:44
Carrie: I like the mindful pieces that you're bringing.
18:46
Carrie: Do you bring that into some of your coaching, where you use some of these mindful it's?
18:50
Joe: it seems like you're using mindful tools in coaching which is really cool, yeah, yeah, cause, like I said, my whole thing is hey, I love winning, like anybody else, it's awesome, but at the end of the day, it is middle school football.
19:03
Joe: These are seventh and eighth grade kids.
19:04
Joe: This is not the NFL Superbowl championship, none of that.
19:06
Joe: We're trying to teach life lessons.
19:08
Joe: We're trying to get you better.
19:09
Joe: My job as a coach.
19:10
Joe: What I look at is if you want to come back and play next year.
19:13
Joe: I've done my job.
19:14
Joe: That way, you're learning something.
19:15
Joe: You're enjoying it.
19:16
Joe: This age, you should be getting better.
19:18
Joe: I'm going to teach you how to be safe.
19:19
Joe: I'm going to teach you to do the right things techniques and things like that but I'm also going to teach you about yourself.
19:24
Joe: I want you having confidence in yourself.
19:26
Joe: That's what sports did for me and that's what I want to do for other kids to something.
19:35
Joe: I got better at it.
19:35
Joe: That's awesome.
19:36
Joe: I didn't have to be the star player, but I like to point back.
19:37
Joe: Remember the beginning of the year.
19:37
Joe: You couldn't even catch a football.
19:38
Joe: You didn't know how to put on your pads.
19:39
Joe: You didn't know how to do this, and look how far you've come, just helping them see that.
19:43
Joe: Look.
19:43
Joe: You kept showing up every day.
19:44
Joe: I know you weren't the star player and you didn't play very much most games, but look what you did do as well.
19:53
Joe: Just we caught up in the day-to-day.
19:54
Joe: We're just helping to remember and the mindset is so important a lot of things and just showing that if I keep showing up and I'm consistent, good things can happen.
20:02
Carrie: I love that so much.
20:03
Carrie: This mama is getting ready to coach third and fourth grade basketball.
20:08
Carrie: I'm a co-coach, so I'm not the head coach, but I'm getting ready, so this is giving me such great tools for why ball this?
20:14
Carrie: This?
20:14
Joe: fall.
20:14
Joe: Just be ready for chaos.
20:15
Joe: That's all you need to know.
20:18
Carrie: Great, Great.
20:19
Carrie: I think our main goal is just having fun with this age group right Nine and 10 year olds.
20:24
Joe: If they learn a couple of things, have a good time.
20:25
Joe: They're out there getting physical activity, it's okay.
20:27
Joe: It's not the NBA, it's all right.
20:29
Joe: It's true, it's true there will be parents that want the kids to be dunking into that age and being dominant and all that.
20:35
Joe: Let them go sit somewhere else.
20:37
Joe: We're trying to have fun.
20:38
Joe: Learn the game.
20:38
Joe: We're just getting started.
20:40
Carrie: I love that.
20:41
Carrie: I think that's so empowering for so many kids, especially in middle school, because I think every single adult looks back and goes middle school.
20:47
Carrie: You probably get that face a lot about middle school.
20:52
Joe: It was a tough age especially now with social media, Like when we were coming up like bullying, a lot of people got bullied.
20:58
Joe: At three o'clock the bullying was over.
20:59
Joe: I go home, take a break.
21:01
Joe: Now with the cell phones you can be bullied 24 hours a day, seven days a week, 365 days a year and by people you've never met in your life and they will say horrible things they would never say face to face over these devices.
21:13
Joe: So they're dealing with a lot.
21:15
Joe: It's and it's an awkward age.
21:17
Joe: Like I say, you don't know who you are.
21:18
Joe: The kids I've worked with the hormones are wild.
21:22
Joe: You don't know what.
21:22
Joe: This kid on wednesday, maybe a totally different kid on thursday, because he doesn't know.
21:26
Joe: He doesn't know what he's doing.
21:27
Joe: A lot of times they'll act up like the kid.
21:29
Joe: Not too long he threw his helmet.
21:31
Joe: I asked him why he did that.
21:32
Joe: He said I don't know't know and he didn't.
21:34
Joe: He just did it right.
21:35
Joe: They're very impulsive because they have so many things going on in their lives.
21:38
Joe: It's a weird, tough age that we just got to help guide them through.
21:42
Carrie: I was just doing a training for speech therapy, just working on my continuous education, and they had mentioned this piece of co-regulation or connection that parents need to have, and it was toddler era or connection that parents need to have.
21:57
Carrie: And it was toddler era and then preteen era was also, when they said just this need for connecting with others.
22:01
Carrie: So I love that there's coaches like you out there and connecting with these kids and empowering them.
22:06
Carrie: That's wonderful.
22:07
Joe: Oh yeah, it's a fun age group.
22:09
Joe: Some days it's a challenge, Don't get me wrong, but it's fun.
22:12
Joe: They are hilarious.
22:13
Carrie: Yes, you just were telling me, before we chatted, that you wrote your second book.
22:18
Carrie: Is that correct?
22:19
Joe: I did, yeah, yeah, like I said it's called, you're not who you're going to be, just based on what I've seen at that age group, the 10 to 14 year olds.
22:26
Joe: Cause the reason I wrote the book is I saw this stat that the second leading cause of death for 10 to 14 year olds was suicide.
22:32
Joe: And man, I, just I wouldn't sit around, I wouldn't sit, I couldn't, it wouldn't leave me.
22:36
Joe: You ever get something just inside you, and just I got to do something about it.
22:39
Joe: I'm not a, I'm not a doctor, I'm not a therapist, but I'm a coach.
22:41
Joe: So that's what I'm going to do.
22:43
Joe: I'm going to figure it out, what I can do.
22:44
Joe: So I wrote this book just to help other people.
22:46
Joe: If it helps one person, amazing.
22:50
Joe: Cause it's so painful to write a book For me.
22:52
Joe: It's painful.
22:52
Joe: Some people they're very good at it, but I have no idea how commas work.
22:56
Joe: I throw them out there and hope they land where they're supposed to.
22:58
Joe: I don't know how that works.
22:59
Joe: Guess what.
23:00
Joe: You got editors that do so I got me one of those, yeah, so I just wrote that book just for other people and parents and coaches that are dealing with this age group, because it takes all it's going to take a village to help out.
23:09
Carrie: There that are change makers helping these kids, helping connect other people and teaching us these powerful tools.
23:20
Carrie: I really appreciate you being here today, Joe.
23:22
Carrie: Thanks so much for connecting with us.
23:25
Joe: Thank you for having me.
23:25
Joe: This is great.
23:25
Joe: I love the message of your podcast.
23:27
Joe: Keep it up, more people need to hear your message.
23:29
Carrie: Thanks so much.
23:30
Carrie: That's a wrap.
23:31
Carrie: Thanks so much for tuning in.
23:32
Carrie: Changemakers.
23:33
Carrie: This is Keri, and if you haven't done a review for us, five stars and a little few words about what you've enjoyed in our podcast episodes, we would really appreciate it.
23:43
Carrie: If you guys would like to ever message me, I would love any questions you have or any feedback.
23:49
Carrie: At info at hearttoheartlifecom, we also have a brand new website which we're super excited to share it's hearttoheartlifecom.
23:57
Carrie: We also have a brand new website which we're super excited to share it's heart to heart lifecom.
23:59
Carrie: Thanks so much for tuning in and happy life, happy times, change maker families.