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Why Narcissists Keep "SCORE" · The Mental Healness Podcast

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  What is going on, beautiful people?
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  Today we're talking about how narcissists keep score when
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  you're in a toxic relationship. There is an actual scoreboard if
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  you're new here. My name is Lee Hammock.
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  I'm a clinically diagnosed narcissist and welcome to
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  another episode of the Narcissist Code.
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  Boom. Welcome back.
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  Welcome back. Welcome back.
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  I forgot to say episode 993 y'all.
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  I'll be switching it up sometimes here and there.
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  But episode 993 of the Narcissist Code, There's no
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  there's I'm going to do the intro twice.
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  But yeah, yeah, yeah. So I posted a short video
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  earlier today about that this and I was just like, let me do
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  another video let me do a let me go into detail about that
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  because I had this idea when I was riding on the road.
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  I dropped my son off at school today that narcissists do keep
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  score. Like, that's one of the things
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  that a lot of narcissists talk to people do.
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  Like everything that they do for you, they hold against you.
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  They it's like they keep tally marks in the relationship for
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  what they do for you like and what they do for you.
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  Let me say this. What they do for you and what
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  you do for them are unequal because narcissistic people feel
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  entitled. They feel like their their good
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  deeds are better than your good deeds, their bare, their bare
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  minimums or equivalent or greater than.
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  You're over and you're you're above and beyond.
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  Their bare minimum is equivalent or greater than your above and
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  beyond. Like you can go above and beyond
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  and do something for them right? Like you go get them you know
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  they love, you can get them a custom made whatever for their
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  birthday or something like that and they'll just tell you happy
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  birthday and somehow theirs is equal to yours.
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  I told at least I told you happy birthday.
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  Why I didn't have to say that. Why are you ungrateful?
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  Boom, gotcha. And when you're with their
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  narcissist y'all, you absolutely know that no good deed goes
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  unpunished. Said it again, no good deed with
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  a narcissist goes unpunished. Because narcissistic people like
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  when you do good deeds for them, they feel like they are indebted
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  to you. When you do a good deed for a
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  narcissist, when you give them a gift, when you give them a
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  present, when you go above and beyond, they feel like now I've
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  I've incrued a debt. Now I owe you.
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  Now I owe you for something like because you've done a good deed
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  for me. Now I owe you.
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  So that's why you get a lot of narcissistic people that they
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  will absolutely, seriously, they absolutely will keep score.
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  They will keep a tally of what they've done for you.
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  And like I said before every let's say every good deed is not
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  going to always. No good deeds are created equal.
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  In a narcissistic person's mind, their good deeds are going to
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  outweigh your good deeds. That's just the way it is.
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  And that's not me just trying to be like, well, you got to get
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  used to this. This is me telling you that your
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  their good deeds are going to outweigh yours.
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  Like some narcissists will do good things for you, especially
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  during the love bombing phase during the first stage of a
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  toxic narcissistic relationship. Narcissistic people will do good
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  deeds for you. They'll go above and beyond for
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  you right then and there. But this is kind of wow.
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  The stuff they do, you do for you in the beginning of the
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  relationship, they live off of that stuff.
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  They don't forget the good things that they've done for
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  you. Because in my mind, I've been
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  good to you before, so you should be appreciative of when
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  I've been good to you. So when I'm bad, when I if I do
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  something bad to you, you can always fall back on the good
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  times. Hey, remember we.
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  It hasn't always been bad. There were good times too.
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  We've had, we've had good times. You act like it's all been bad.
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  You remember when I did this? You remember when I did that?
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  You can't see. It's so it's so it seems like,
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  You know it's so easy to forget what I've done for you, right?
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  They never forget. Like a like an elephant.
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  A narcissist never forgets if they do something for you.
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  But let's go. Go, go, go, go.
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  Let me rephrase that right there.
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  Not like an elephant, because a narcissist does forget
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  intentionally narcissistic people.
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  Y'all narcissists. A lot of narcissists have a wild
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  imagination, right? Well, they create things that
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  they might not have done so with.
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  So some of the good deeds that they've said they've done for
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  you, they might not have done for you, or they over exaggerate
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  the importance of those good deeds.
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  Like I said, in the beginning, they can just say happy birthday
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  to you, but a year year goes by and then they tell you know, I
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  got you a good good for you. I got you a good gift last year
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  for your birthday. At least I got you a good gift
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  last year. But they didn't.
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  The only thing they did was wish you a happy birthday.
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  And now you're arguing on your birthday about how they didn't
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  do anything for your last birthday.
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  You see, they will create things like that.
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  And a lot of narcissists, like I say right here, have selective
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  amnesia, selective amnesia, situational amnesia.
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  I forgot, you know, they forget. They tend to forget the good
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  things that you do for them. Oh, that's.
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  I don't remember that. That slipped my mind.
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  When did you do that for me? I don't ever remember you doing
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  that for me. You've never been there for me.
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  You've never done anything for me.
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  I've been on my own since this. You haven't done anything for
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  me. They forget the stuff that you
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  do for them because they don't value it.
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  They might value evaluate in the moment, but long term value,
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  long term valuations don't come with narcissistic people.
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  Y'all. They tend to value that type of
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  stuff right now. Like what do you have?
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  What have you done for me lately?
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  Like the past for you? Is it the past, your past and
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  what you've done for them? Like that's irrelevant.
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  Like the your past, the things you've done for them is in the
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  past, but the things they have done for you in the past they
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  can use right now because the double standards exist.
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  And that can be a frustrating dynamic to be in a toxic
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  relationship with a narcissistic person that doesn't value the
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  things that they do, the things that you do for them, but they
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  over value the things that they do for you.
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  You know, you give them a piece of gold, they give you a nickel
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  in return, you give them a chunk of gold, right.
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  They give you a nickel in return and say, hey this is equal value
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  because mine, you know, I got a nickel here.
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  You know you're not going to find you got.
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  Gold is everywhere. Gold is plentiful.
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  Like you not going to find this nickel nowhere.
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  There's a special nickel. This is this James.
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  This is Michael Jackson nickel. Whatever, stupid, you know,
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  whatever stupidity they come up with in that space right there,
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  like they overvalue the things that they do for you.
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  This nickel is worth way more than that.
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  Go to the right person. You see they overvalue
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  themselves, undervalue you. That's where the inequalities of
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  these types of relationships come into play out.
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  That's why I try to tell people nothing you ever do for a
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  narcissist will ever be good enough because they undervalue
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  the things that you do for them. Sometimes it can be as simple as
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  that. They undervalue the things that
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  you do for them and they overvalue the things that they
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  do for you. Like say and that and that you
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  can't. Yeah.
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  Well Lee, how do we switch that up.
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  You telling us that you that you spitting fire right now you're
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  you're fire fire breathing narcissistic dragon.
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  Right now you're spinning hot fire on this video or podcast or
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  whatever, but how do we get them to value us more?
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  You can't. Y'all.
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  Typically the only time they try to value you more when you leave
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  because like sometime when you leave, they say, well, I'll
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  change, I'll get you a gift for your birthday.
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  I'll do this, I'll do that. But that's just manipulation.
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  You say you can't get someone to see your value.
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  You know, like the only person you are in charge of your own
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  value, in your own worth. You can't dictate how somebody
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  else values you. You know you can't dictate how
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  somebody else values you. That's why self love comes in.
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  That's why self love is big in these types of relationships.
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  That's why I have myself love journal.
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  That's on Amazon. Lee Hammock.
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  I love me Self Love Journal on Amazon to help you rebuild that
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  self love. Would you have this, That outer
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  exterior, that that tough exterior of self love.
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  They can't do anything to you. You are in control.
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  You are all powerful. You are almighty and they hate
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  that. They hate when you have the
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  power, they hate when you have the control, they hate when you
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  have this type of stuff because they you know you, they you
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  don't really need them, you know, So narcissistic people,
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  like I said they keep scoring. Like if you playing a game of
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  basketball, whatever sport you like to play, their baskets,
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  their goals are worth more than your baskets and your goals.
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  You're shooting, you look, you're shooting in the same net,
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  but somehow their ball is bigger than yours and it's worth more
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  points. Y'all can do the exact same
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  shot, but somehow they get three points.
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  You get one point, you get half a point.
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  You know, you get deductions. You get deductions.
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  That's why, like when you give them, when you give a narcissist
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  a gift that they actually might want, they always seem to make
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  to take a slide at it. They always seem to cut it down,
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  even if they accept it. Sometimes they don't even accept
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  it. Even if they accept it, they
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  always seem to cut it down. Oh oh damn, this is a great
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  gift. You got it in red, though.
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  I really like the blue. What, So you don't get a full
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  point, you get half a point deduction because they like
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  blue, you know, it's all the undervalued and stuff.
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  They have to cut it down. They have to undervalue that
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  type of stuff right there. Oh, I love it.
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  I thought you said it was brand new though.
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  It's got a scratch on it right here and they probably put the
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  scratch on it. That's the mindset.
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  That's the dynamic. That's the space that you go
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  into. They keep score.
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  They keep score. That was saying and no good
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  Deegos and punish the good things you do.
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  Won't we be appreciated by narcissistic people?
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  Y'all, I'm not telling you to stop doing the good deeds, but
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  stop doing the good deeds and expecting somebody, expecting a
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  certain response. I'm like I said, I'm not telling
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  you to stop doing the good deeds because they they might be who
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  you are. I'm just telling you to stop
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  doing good deeds and expecting a certain response from this
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  person because they won't value it the way it should be valued.
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  You know you have the wrong, you have the wrong appraiser.
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  You have a, you know, a home appraiser trying to value a
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  precious antiquity. You know.
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  So you have to get the right appraiser, and you are the right
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  appraiser. You know how valuable your stuff
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  is. You know how valuable you are.
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  Even though they might try to, they might try to convince you
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  that you're not valuable, you're not as valuable.
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  You don't have that value. You don't have that worth and
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  whatnot. They'll try to convince you of
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  that. So if you're dealing with a
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  toxic, narcissistic person, you just understand y'all.
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  If I tell, you have to tell people nothing that you do for
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  this person will ever be enough. I don't care what it is.
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  It might be enough in the beginning.
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  But as like as the relationship progresses, the things that you
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  do are value less and less in the things that they do.
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  They expect them to be valued more and more.
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  So they feel like they can do less and it should be valued
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  more. And you you do more and it's
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  valued less. Destiny.
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  Dynamics of these toxic narcissistic relationships.
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  That's part of it right there. They keep score and they will
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  always look. They will always, almost always
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  let you know what the score is. Sometimes they keep the score
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  hidden but just know you're losing.
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  You know you don't see the score but you know you're losing
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  within the space right here. Y'all but y'all have to hop off
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  here to do a one-on-one. Thank you for tuning in.
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  Make sure you subscribe to the channel.
• 11:13
  Check out the Self Love Journal, Mental Health this out.
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  Peace. Thank you so much for making it
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  to the end of my video. You are a mental illness
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  Rockstar and I appreciate you for being here.
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  If you haven't already, make sure to click on the screen to
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  subscribe to the channel and watch another one of my videos
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  on my playlist. There's also a link available up
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  here for you to purchase my kids.
• 11:32
  But remember, it's not your fault on Amazon, so check that
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  out. Thank you.
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  I will see you in the next video.
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  Peace.