Latest / Healing Her Story with Riva Jean-Paul / Is My Friend Actually Toxic — or Am I Overreacting? | Healing Female Friendship Ruptures, Boundaries, and Self-Trust with Amora Randall (Part II)

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Is My Friend Actually Toxic — or Am I Overreacting? | Healing Female Friendship Ruptures, Boundaries, and Self-Trust with Amora Randall (Part II) · Healing Her Story with Riva Jean-Paul

• 1:38
  SPEAKER_03: Hello, dear listener, welcome back.
• 1:41
  SPEAKER_03: We are returning to our conversation on female friendships, rupture, toxic friendships, and how to deal with them, how to heal from them, and also how to begin spotting some red flags.
• 1:59
  SPEAKER_03: So we'll explore those a bit more in this episode.
• 2:03
  SPEAKER_03: And I hope you enjoy the rest of our conversation.
• 2:08
  SPEAKER_00: Well, I want to say that I'm proud of you because you spoke your truth despite the way your nervous system felt, despite your voice trembling, you spoke your truth and you got serious.
• 2:24
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah.
• 2:25
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah.
• 2:25
  SPEAKER_03: I remember I called you right after the conversation.
• 2:28
  SPEAKER_01: I was like, Amora.
• 2:30
  SPEAKER_01: I remember that girlfriend.
• 2:32
  SPEAKER_01: I was like, I just did it.
• 2:34
  SPEAKER_03: I left.
• 2:39
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah.
• 2:39
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah.
• 2:40
  SPEAKER_03: Oh, perfect timing.
• 2:41
  SPEAKER_03: Yes.
• 2:42
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah.
• 2:42
  SPEAKER_03: So so yeah, that was kind of my experience that had like um sort of like, yeah, you were just someone who I could really lean on in that situation for support.
• 2:54
  SPEAKER_03: Um, and yeah, I I know you had well gone through something very similar.
• 2:59
  SPEAKER_03: Do you want to share your experience?
• 3:02
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, so I too.
• 3:04
  SPEAKER_00: Um, so I started like doing my thing in the community in Sacramento.
• 3:09
  SPEAKER_00: Um, I think it was like in 21.
• 3:14
  SPEAKER_00: And so um I started to collaborate with these two women.
• 3:20
  SPEAKER_00: Um, and then there was just like some projection going on there with one of them.
• 3:27
  SPEAKER_00: And I was like, this isn't fun anymore.
• 3:31
  SPEAKER_00: So after this event, this is gonna be my last one, and so left that alone.
• 3:36
  SPEAKER_00: Um, mind you, that was someone that I did call like my like my spiritual sister, you know.
• 3:43
  SPEAKER_00: Um, that was a part of the first community um that I was a part of, and so while I was in Sacramento, fear used me to create communities and sisterhoods, and forever thankful for that because I have learned a lot, a lot.
• 4:01
  SPEAKER_00: And um so in the most recent uh community that I chose to separate from, um there was uh what was it?
• 4:15
  SPEAKER_00: So I started to do the community hip healing, uh the ascension sound journeys.
• 4:22
  SPEAKER_00: And um I remember was this girl that was the sister of a friend, like my like I had a work best friend when I used to work in hospitality, and this was her stepsister, and um so I had never met her, you know, I just heard about her, and then I uh one of my one when one of our mutual friends told me about her.
• 4:48
  SPEAKER_00: Oh, she does Reiki, all that's cool.
• 4:51
  SPEAKER_00: And so she comes out to the community healing.
• 4:54
  SPEAKER_00: And I remember her saying when I met her, I remember her saying, you know, I was just praying last night um and asking God, like, why, like, why is it so hard for me to meet women like me?
• 5:06
  SPEAKER_00: You know, like I just want to meet women like me, you know, that I can, you know, that I could be open with and give love and receive love, that kind of energy, right?
• 5:17
  SPEAKER_00: And so I'm like, oh, well, you know, like you can come over here, like here I am, hella naive and gullible, right?
• 5:24
  SPEAKER_00: Not gullible, but just like naive in the sense of like everybody come in, right?
• 5:29
  SPEAKER_00: Yep.
• 5:31
  SPEAKER_00: So um, I think that was like in 22.
• 5:36
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, that was in 22.
• 5:38
  SPEAKER_00: And so a year before I had even met her, you know, like I I worked so hard on um my work, you know, like my events and uh building a community and all this stuff, and so um then there was like a woman that I met, and I like I appointed her as the elder of the community, and she did assist me a lot on my journey, and you know, I will forever thank her for that.
• 6:09
  SPEAKER_00: And I remember one thing that she told me um that I'll never forget is um I was in a relationship with that guy that I found out that cheated on me, and I was trying to make it work.
• 6:20
  SPEAKER_00: This was this was this was before the cheating.
• 6:23
  SPEAKER_00: And she says, if what you practice outside, if you can't practice that same thing at home, then what you're doing is a lie.
• 6:35
  SPEAKER_00: And I said, I think I'm saying it right.
• 6:37
  SPEAKER_00: Did that make sense, yeah?
• 6:38
  SPEAKER_03: It made sense.
• 6:39
  SPEAKER_03: I'm just I just find it interesting she said that to you.
• 6:42
  SPEAKER_00: She said it to me, yeah, but I think that where she was coming from, yeah, was the relationship part, was the relationship part, and and I was like, I'm not, you know, my uh what I'm doing out in the world would not be like because of me, right?
• 7:00
  SPEAKER_00: So I do everything, whatever, trying to make it work, and it just don't work, and so um, long story short, um I done in the process of that I have tree friends, so I love trees, I connect with trees, right?
• 7:14
  SPEAKER_00: I connect with the tree friend that was near our home, and the tree friend said he was going to put his hands on me and that my whole life would be turned upside down, and I was like, he would, I'm crying to the tree, right?
• 7:27
  SPEAKER_00: And I'm like, he would never do that, he would never two months later, it happened.
• 7:34
  SPEAKER_00: It happened, it happened, and so I had made the decision that I'm leaving and I'm never coming back, I'm never coming back.
• 7:44
  SPEAKER_00: So, like that whole um, oh, because the man provides, he can do what he wants, um, he's I'm gonna stay because he's taking care of me.
• 7:54
  SPEAKER_00: No, fuck that.
• 7:55
  SPEAKER_00: That shit ended with me and my bloodline, period.
• 7:59
  SPEAKER_00: And so um I had no idea what was ahead of me.
• 8:02
  SPEAKER_00: So, in the process of that, the community that I have built, that I have built with these women, um, I did feel very held and supported.
• 8:12
  SPEAKER_00: Uh at that time when I left, like I left my job.
• 8:16
  SPEAKER_00: I don't even know why I left my job, but anyway, I did.
• 8:19
  SPEAKER_00: And I left my job.
• 8:21
  SPEAKER_00: Um and I was just so discombobulated, like, despite me still being in community, hosting events, um, what was it?
• 8:34
  SPEAKER_00: Uh the lotus palm sal medication, which was like one of my like favorite things that I created.
• 8:40
  SPEAKER_00: Like, oh my goodness, it was just so fucking magical.
• 8:42
  SPEAKER_00: But they had to pull out the lotus flowers, though.
• 8:44
  SPEAKER_00: Did y'all really have to do that?
• 8:46
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, anyway, if you're from Sacramento, and you know, you know.
• 8:50
  SPEAKER_00: But um, but yeah, it was just like I felt so loved, seen, and supported.
• 8:58
  SPEAKER_00: And there were times when I had nothing, and so um the the funds that we would make from the event, you know, like they would let me keep it because I didn't have anything, you know.
• 9:10
  SPEAKER_00: And I just like I really love and appreciate them for that.
• 9:14
  SPEAKER_00: But fast forward, um, there was some projection going on, and I decided to separate from the individual who came to me at the community sound baths and said, I just prayed last night and thanked God, why is it difficult for me to meet women like me?
• 9:37
  SPEAKER_00: When I decided to separate from her because spirit was showing me, spirit showed me, showed me each individual, and then I had a dream, and I believed what I saw and what I was what spirit was telling me, and so I made a conscious decision to separate.
• 10:04
  SPEAKER_00: And when I did that, it was like everybody was like, Oh, you're blowing up the spot, because I too thought, you know, that we were gonna take over the world, you know, and like do all these healing events.
• 10:14
  SPEAKER_00: I mean, like all the work that we did do, it was very beautiful, and you know, but what I've learned is that some people are offended by your shine.
• 10:28
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, but it's like if I have you here with me, it's because I want you to be here with me, yeah, and I want you to shine, and I want to help to bring out your shine.
• 10:41
  SPEAKER_00: I'm not acting like I was the queen bee, like I never act like I was the queen bee, but it was like once again, there has to be a leader, right?
• 10:50
  SPEAKER_00: And it's like I literally started all this, yeah.
• 10:57
  SPEAKER_00: It's like I'm creator, started all this, like I am the creator, like period.
• 11:02
  SPEAKER_00: And that's not even like any ego, but it's like a lot of the stuff that's happening in Sacramento right now.
• 11:08
  SPEAKER_00: I honestly feel like we paved the way for that.
• 11:11
  SPEAKER_00: Like the community healings, it was me and Javi who you know started that, and then we did the Ascension Sound journeys, and at that time, like it wasn't a whole lot of events and stuff like how it is now.
• 11:26
  SPEAKER_00: The fuck market is saturated.
• 11:29
  SPEAKER_00: I got that for you, it's saturated to where it's like this doesn't even feel funny anymore.
• 11:36
  SPEAKER_00: But anyway, but anyway, anyway, so um I have a conversation with this individual um after I saw I made a conscious decision to separate from everyone.
• 11:50
  SPEAKER_00: I moved to Vallejo, and boy, when I tell you, Spirit took I was Spirit took me, and I was by myself.
• 12:01
  SPEAKER_00: I went from having a whole community of people who loved me and supported me to having nothing or no one, not from Sacramento, should I say, yeah, and it was just it was very lonely, and it was one person who reached out and checked it on me.
• 12:22
  SPEAKER_00: One person, yeah, one person in that from that community, and it was Maddie.
• 12:30
  SPEAKER_00: I love Motty.
• 12:31
  SPEAKER_00: Moddy's a fucking real one, she is, you are real, and I told you, you a real one.
• 12:37
  SPEAKER_00: I swear, like she is a yeah, real one.
• 12:41
  SPEAKER_00: Tina, Tina is a real one.
• 12:45
  SPEAKER_00: T actually Tina was the first one to reach out to me, and then it was Mani.
• 12:50
  SPEAKER_00: So two, two real ones, okay?
• 12:53
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, but I remember talking to one of my friends about it, and because she also knew them, and she said, You wanna know what she said to me?
• 13:04
  SPEAKER_00: She said, You need to see the role that you played in this as well.
• 13:09
  SPEAKER_00: Did I want to hear that shit?
• 13:10
  SPEAKER_00: No, I did not want to hear that, but it kept ruminating in my mind, living right free, yes, and I said, Oh, I lacked boundaries, yep, I lacked boundaries, yep, and so it's not that it was their fault or my fault, it was that I lacked boundaries, they lacked boundaries, and here we are in this fucking shit show.
• 13:44
  SPEAKER_00: But I finally had a conversation with the girl um like a couple years later.
• 13:51
  SPEAKER_00: Because it's like, if you know me, you know, like I'm a person of like love and peace, like, period.
• 13:56
  SPEAKER_00: I don't want no negative energy, I don't want no stagnation, I don't want none of that.
• 14:00
  SPEAKER_00: I just I really truly desire love, peace, unity, and community.
• 14:05
  SPEAKER_00: That is my end goal.
• 14:07
  SPEAKER_00: And so I have a conversation with her, and I thought that it was gonna be like uh for us to like clear the air, you know, like not necessarily not necessarily saying we're gonna be like best friends again.
• 14:19
  SPEAKER_00: But um, and that word best friend I learned from that relationship is some that that's because when you think about the word friend, it has the word end at the end of it, and so I don't like really saying friend, like I'm like, this is my sister.
• 14:35
  SPEAKER_00: You are my sister, yeah, period, period, yeah.
• 14:40
  SPEAKER_00: But um, in that conversation, you know, I thought that it was gonna be like us coming together to like fair the air and kill, you know, and I saw that that was not what happened.
• 14:52
  SPEAKER_00: It was, oh well, you said this, and you're trying to pull up text messages, and I said, Oh no, I said, That's not why I'm here, I'm not here for that.
• 15:03
  SPEAKER_00: And the conversation, um, she says, Oh, well, you know, I'm happy that you live in Vallejo now and that you're able to take care of yourself.
• 15:13
  SPEAKER_00: Who thought I live in Valleo?
• 15:14
  SPEAKER_00: I don't know.
• 15:15
  SPEAKER_00: And she says, Well, I'm you know, I'm happy that you live in Vallejo and that you're able to take care of yourself because it's really important for you to be able to um to provide for yourself.
• 15:26
  SPEAKER_00: Wow, and I was like, I said, I didn't, I did not acknowledge what she said, but I was like, no dick, because that was like the lowest point of my life, yeah, and you tried to throw that in my face, yeah, and I was like, oh, okay, and you know what I said?
• 15:49
  SPEAKER_00: I said, thank you for being available to heal, thank you for being available because I was able to heal from that relationship, I was able to see myself and how I lacked the boundaries and how there were times when I was shown things and I did not speak up.
• 16:11
  SPEAKER_00: Yes, yes, because I'm like, oh, you know, this is my this is my sister, and I love her, my best friend, and I love her.
• 16:17
  SPEAKER_00: You know, like we're gonna be best friends forever, we're gonna be sisters forever.
• 16:21
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, and I remember like we took this trip in San Francisco, we were like on the 32nd floor, and it was like you see all of the buildings, and it was like fog and just like really beautiful and mystical.
• 16:34
  SPEAKER_00: And I had this vision, and it was her and I, and one of the other girls was gone, and I was like, I don't think she's gonna be with us longer, but it was fucking me, and I still don't understand like why was it with her and the other girl wasn't there anyway, so it's just it's all just very interesting, you know, and like at the end of the day, you know, like I still have so much love for all of them, like I honestly, genuinely, sincerely have love for them still.
• 17:10
  SPEAKER_00: But will I be in the same space as you collaborating with you?
• 17:15
  SPEAKER_00: No, because I see you, you showed me who you are, and I believe you.
• 17:21
  SPEAKER_00: And then now I find that it uh to be very interesting that um two things.
• 17:29
  SPEAKER_00: One, um, the comment that was made about providing for yourself, and it's like, you know, I literally went from being homeless after I left that relationship, like I've never been in a situation like that before, so I didn't I didn't know I could call the police and have them kicked out.
• 17:46
  SPEAKER_00: I didn't know, so I just left that, yeah, you know, and I was unhoused um for quite a while, like living with family and stuff, and I moved to Bileo, and it was like my whole life changed, my whole life changed in such a beautiful and profound way in that little itty bitty city by the water in Bileo.
• 18:11
  SPEAKER_00: Like, what?
• 18:12
  SPEAKER_00: I was like, really?
• 18:16
  SPEAKER_00: Me, I can do this, yeah.
• 18:19
  SPEAKER_00: And it was like when spirit took me and moved me to Vallejo, it was like I was able to finally hear my own thoughts.
• 18:27
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, when I was in Sacramento with so many, so many voices around me, I couldn't even hear my own voice, yeah, yeah, and so I was I was able to create this financial abundance that I've never even had in my life, and if I would not have gone through those situations in Sacramento, I probably never would have fucking lived in Vallejo, and my life would not be the way that it is today, you know, from being homeless to for the first time in my life, and I'm talking about really take care of myself.
• 19:12
  SPEAKER_00: I'm not talking about just paying my rent, paying my bills just to get by.
• 19:17
  SPEAKER_00: I'm talking about creating generational wealth that is where I am, that is my focus, that is my goal to make sure that my son doesn't have to experience none of this shit that I did growing up.
• 19:32
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, he won't have to work for nobody unless he wants to work for somebody, yeah, you know, and it's like I'm just I'm so proud of myself because for so long I was ashamed that I was homeless.
• 19:46
  SPEAKER_00: I was ashamed that those people in the community would give me the money from the event just so I can have some fucking money, yeah.
• 19:55
  SPEAKER_00: Like I was ashamed and I did not want nobody to know, yeah.
• 20:00
  SPEAKER_00: But I'm here today telling my story because I feel I have healed, yeah, I feel and another thing that I said that I find interesting is that it's like everyone that I've made this decision to separate from, they're all together now.
• 20:22
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, yeah, that's really interesting.
• 20:24
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, and I I said, but nobody can see what Spirit was showing me, yeah.
• 20:31
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah, well, it's it's lovely to hear just like what um transformation and and growth has um and prosperity has come from um these very hurtful situations, and that's something that I've really experienced too.
• 20:46
  SPEAKER_03: My life has completely changed since um those times, and I'm in a completely different place that I don't know that I would have been um without those situations.
• 20:56
  SPEAKER_03: So it's it's funny how life can uh in ways that are sometimes gentle and not so gentle, um, kind of guide us back to our path and and back to our truth.
• 21:08
  SPEAKER_03: Um also what you shared about um boundaries and um not having those boundaries in the relationship and also the other people not having boundaries and how um the lack of boundaries can really cause um the the um the tension and the friction in relationships, and that was something that I experienced in the situation that I was in too, because ultimately, um, you know, while there weren't some boundaries on my end, I didn't feel there were boundaries on the other person's end either, because you know, if they felt like I was using them or taking advantage of them, it's because you were saying yes when you really wanted to say no, and that is not um my fault, you know what I mean?
• 21:59
  SPEAKER_03: That is like something for you to look at and to get really curious about like hmm, why do I keep saying yes to this person when I really want to say no?
• 22:10
  SPEAKER_03: And I think it really speaks to how quickly we will abandon ourselves, um, specifically women, to be in a relationship because let's be real, when we're with 50 numbers, right?
• 22:24
  SPEAKER_03: We we want to feel part of something, we want to belong, and so we will abandon ourselves at the expense of um ourselves so that we can belong, and that's something that I think happens a lot in female relationships and in um communities of of women specifically, and and something to really look out for for those of you who are either currently in relationships with other women or who are wanting to cultivate more relationships with other women, because yeah, not every relationship is um is the right kind of relationship, and it's important to tune into that sense inside, and like you had all these visions and all these messages that were coming through, kind of giving you little hints, and um, and you ignored them, and even as you know, I'm listening to you and I'm reflecting on the situation, there were more that I haven't even shared that you know, little signs along the way that um I ignored in order to be in really comfortable with these people.
• 23:29
  SPEAKER_03: Um so yeah, wow.
• 23:33
  SPEAKER_03: Well, it's also really beautiful how it brought us into connection.
• 23:37
  SPEAKER_03: as well.
• 23:38
  SPEAKER_03: So definitely, deeply grateful for all of that.
• 23:42
  SPEAKER_03: And, you know, you said something else about um like kind of being, it's it's not that it's your fault.
• 23:50
  SPEAKER_03: And you can also see, you know, maybe you didn't like hearing this when you were asserted, but you can see how, you know, you contributed to the situation.
• 23:58
  SPEAKER_00: Oh I did.
• 24:00
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 24:00
  SPEAKER_00: Once I have to be both parties, yes.
• 24:03
  SPEAKER_00: Yes.
• 24:03
  SPEAKER_00: Who agree.
• 24:04
  SPEAKER_00: Right.
• 24:05
  SPEAKER_03: You know?
• 24:06
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah.
• 24:07
  SPEAKER_03: Once I had kind of removed myself from the situation, I was able to um it was interesting.
• 24:13
  SPEAKER_03: Like I remember there being a day I think I I did a breath work session or something where I kind of went back and like my my history and I was able to see like oh wow this is not the first time this has happened.
• 24:26
  SPEAKER_03: This has actually happened one, two, three, four like the context is different.
• 24:32
  SPEAKER_03: The people are different, but the dynamics are the same.
• 24:35
  SPEAKER_03: And that's when I started to get really curious about my own attachment, the way I relate to people, um, the way I relate to myself in relation to other people.
• 24:48
  SPEAKER_03: And I really had to unravel myself from a lot of those patterns that I had created um you know when I was younger just to feel seen and and part of something.
• 24:59
  SPEAKER_03: But those things become so um dysfunctional as we get older yes I um I totally agree and there was there was one thing that um that you said to me when we when I was living in Mileyo and like you were speaking of connection right and one thing you said was uh you said this is the smallest that my circle has ever been and this is the most peaceful that I've ever been and I was like oh that's exactly how I feel because you're right I'm not you know I wasn't in that place of like oh I like I want to be in the crowd and I feel like um for women that are listening um yes you can compromise uh your your beliefs or your um your knowing to be a part of something um but you gotta think about it like there's a reason why you don't align with these people and so it's like choosing yourself and choosing to choosing to be in spaces and places that feel good to your soul and that if there is any kind of oh the energy's a little off I don't know what that is yep I can't put my finger on it yep trust listen to it when I was in Vallejo there was this girl and I met her at the farmer's market I was like oh my goodness I was like I said you are such a beautiful goddess and she said beautiful goddess right and so we start connecting and there was just something about her that I could not put my finger on and so you know what I did I separated myself yeah I said I'm not trying to figure this shit out no and I and I said I said based on the stuff that I've been through before I said oh no oh no I I'm I'm perfectly fine with being able to count my circle on one hand and um being you know I know that I'm safe I know that I'm safe yeah yeah quality over quantity right quality over one yeah take that everywhere in your life in the employer that you work with yeah absolutely yeah and that's something I'm yeah just kind of like settling into um more and more you know um even like it's like my I got my birthday coming up and I'm like ooh should I invite this person should I invite this person?
• 28:07
  SPEAKER_03: And you know I'd love to start talking about some of these red flags now because as I have become more aware of my own patterning like I know I'm very quick to get into like I get real deep real quick.
• 28:22
  SPEAKER_03: I'm right there with you I really situation was I got so close and so enmeshed so quickly I just completely lost myself and so um yeah that's something that I know that I need to be mindful of now.
• 28:44
  SPEAKER_03: And um there are things that I'm I'm looking for and that I'm paying attention to in relationships as well.
• 28:50
  SPEAKER_03: And you've already kind of named a few you mentioned earlier about that sort of like that um it's like a backhanded compliment where you know you this jab was kind of made and and this is something that happens in female relationships because you know typically you will not see women being you know violent or like physically fighting um but gossip and these sort of like undermining um statements or um yeah things um can be more socially acceptable um they're more palpitable um and kind of like easier to get away with um and that's something that's that's really common that I think people need um to look out for yeah as kind of those um yeah there's I know there's another word for it but it's not coming to me right now but it's this sort of like it's like it's something that like at first hand like it sounds like they're being nice but then when you actually think about it you're like oh that was that was not nice that was very mean.
• 29:55
  SPEAKER_03: Exactly exactly that wasn't nice that was mean yeah that what was said to you that was mean to to say something like that to you in in one of your lowest lows and um yeah that's something that I've um experienced as well I can think of like um you know I went to a a gathering recently somewhat recently this year and um you know someone introduced me and the way she introduced me was like um it was like um I'm not gonna go into the full story but she like she introduced me like in a way that like did not accurately like describe who I am as a person like she took one situation like one story that was not my greatest moment and like that was how she introduced me.
• 30:44
  SPEAKER_03: I was like cool so that's how you're gonna introduce me to a stranger you're gonna bring up like the one moment in our relationship where that is clearly not okay.
• 30:56
  SPEAKER_03: Got it.
• 30:57
  SPEAKER_03: And in the moment I didn't think much of it but afterwards I was like that was fucked up like that's not how you introduce someone that you respect that you love that you care for yeah well you know sometimes the feeling is not mutual like how you feel about them you know yeah and um and just because you know like you're a very thoughtful person and you would be very mindful of how you would introduce someone you know um what do you say common sense common sense is not that common you know well I I don't know that it's common sense so much that it is as the dynamics that happen in female relationships.
• 31:41
  SPEAKER_03: I think that there are these like there's these like silent um undercurrents of envy of competitiveness of cattiness of like not really supporting each other.
• 31:56
  SPEAKER_03: So that's what I saw it as it's like this person was not even conscious.
• 32:01
  SPEAKER_03: They're not like oh I'm gonna share this mindfulness low is low.
• 32:05
  SPEAKER_03: They just spoke and they're being influenced by these currents of competitiveness and envy that are coercing through many female friendships and they're so silent and so subtle that you don't really think much of it but when you really stop to like feel into it you're like ooh that doesn't that doesn't feel good that doesn't feel right and so I have to remember that you know as I'm like um wanting to cultivate these friendships like you said like once someone shows you who they are um you have to believe them and you have to yeah and there's um something else that I know you and I have talked about somewhat recently too is being able to celebrate other women and you know I think you're probably one of you and one other friend that I you know feel close to right now can really like meet me like in those celebratory moments where I have some really exciting news that I come to share with you and it's only you and one other friend who are like oh my gosh like I'm so happy for you I am so excited for you this is amazing and it's genuine and it's real and I can like feel it and then there's other friendships where I share something really exciting and they don't fucking say anything.
• 33:28
  SPEAKER_00: Crickets silence crickets silence there was a podcast um that you actually shared with me and uh the lady she didn't know how you know you you'll have those friends that are there for you um I don't know if it was from that podcast or something else about to listen to but uh the woman said you have those friends when you are at your lowest level they're there for you in space but when you're winning when you're shining you're thriving silence yeah it's side it's silence it's silence and um one other thing that uh that I forgot to mention about my story um because my intention for telling my story about this is to um is to teach and to release to to truly heal from this situation um but one thing that I forgot to mention and also uh something that you were saying about how when you were in that breath work session and you realized like this is not the first time that this has happened to me.
• 34:47
  SPEAKER_00: Right and I was like I realized that too like it's happened to me in my younger years to where girls would lie about me.
• 34:59
  SPEAKER_00: Yes I've had that happen to me too and I would like and I would be in space with them and I didn't know anything about intuition or anything but I would just have this feeling like it was like my heart would drop to my stomach and my stomach wouldn't be like oh yeah and it was because they were talking about me that they were supposed to be friends.
• 35:21
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah and so that fast forward into the relationships that I've I mean that I have uh developed um in these sisterhoods uh since choosing to step out into my authentic light and shine um it has been the women they go behind my back and they lie yeah and it's like you know there were many things you know that I could have said to like match the energy but the beautiful part about it was that I felt that there was nothing to defend and so I said nothing.
• 36:04
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah you know and I feel that when a person has to lie and try to diminish someone else and cry so that you can get on to to get on to their side those are red flags and especially if you have personally been in this person's presence and developed a personal relationship with them yeah and you've decided to go over to the left side where the lying and the crying was there's some reevaluation that you need to do within yourself as well.
• 36:43
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah and pray for discernment and since these situations I have been praying for discernment and that's why the choice of keeping the circle so small is it's important to have that quality over the quantity so that you can feel safe seen heard and felt you know and to be able to have those friends to celebrate you um in your wins because you shine bright once again there's some people who don't like to see you shine.
• 37:21
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah.
• 37:22
  SPEAKER_03: And that's that quiet competition between women it's like we're all like against each other and and what it is it's the patriarchal society that we fucking live in and women have no fucking power.
• 37:35
  SPEAKER_03: And so they're trying to like grab for power any way they can and so it's the lie um about you know this other woman it's the gossip it's the undermining um statements it's the knocking them down a little bit yeah it's it's super dysfunctional and it actually doesn't really benefit anyone and if we are really wanting to gain more power as you've already said we we gain and we build that power together um especially as as women like it's so important for us to unite and to support each other and to kind of become more aware of these like really subtle quiet things that are um often happening in female relationships and and not not tolerating them you know not letting them be okay like I really had to as I've seen more of these kind of like little quiet subtle red flags I've had to um yeah really work with that discernment like you've already named and to just remind myself that like I by continuing to stay in relationship I am condoning this behavior and I am not I do not condone this behavior.
• 38:49
  SPEAKER_03: I am here for real authentic connection and relationships where we see each other where we respect each other where we're on the same fucking team like you and I are not against each other we are on the same fucking team can I share that my goddess mother she told me about this prayer that she prays and she was like it's a very powerful prayer so don't pray it unless you're not unless you're ready right okay prayer was yeah it still is um I say universe because I believe in universe um I believe in God too but I just like to say universe um so I say universe please remove any people place or thing from my life that is not here for my highest investment I don't care who it is I don't care what it is I don't care how bad it is please remove it from my life and make space for that which is true in alignment with my highest let me tell you how I prayed the prayer and the whole fucking was gone and I continue to say that prayer and did it hurt it hurt me so bad it literally took me like three years two and a half three years to like really deal from that.
• 40:16
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah so be very mindful if you pray that prayer because you may get um unexpected uh disconnections yeah you will yeah yeah yeah yeah but the discernment is key you know always trust how you feel trust what you feel in your gut your gut is never um yes you have a woman's intuition for a reason yes I don't even care if it's a family member yeah your oldest friend I was talking to a girl she said my oldest friend and you know I'm just kind of feeling yeah listen to that gotta make space yeah our our body is um the truth barometer and that introsion that sense of like what's happening inside that is one of the strongest fucking tools that we have call it intuition call it your sixth sense call it whatever you want to call it it's this wisdom that lives deep within and it goes far beyond what the mind can comprehend I think sometimes we try to gaslight ourselves and we'll have that sense inside and then we try to talk ourselves out of like what we're feeling and it's like oh no we gotta we gotta trust that little that little sense um within and yeah I've been yeah as like you said it's hard right and it's and it's painful especially when there are like you know some of these friendships that I've been thinking of today are like people who I have known for years and you know as we grow like you said not not everyone um not everyone um it's like you can't grow too much right you can grow but don't grow too much that now you're you're different than the rest of us because again it kind of goes back to that safety in numbers right so if you're going against the grain of a group then like you are kind of going against what feels safe to um the group and that kind of like makes you an outsider and as an outsider you become not necessarily a dangerous but perhaps you know you are perceived as as a threat in some way because you are threatening and challenging the status quo.
• 42:46
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah that's that right yeah and that's that's that's the hard work of like being someone who breaks generational cycles is like you said it's a it can be it can be a lonely path and um as we've kind of shared here today both you and I have found that path um so worth it and you know life always kind of moves in these constant cycles and so as we let go and as we create space inevitably um new life will come in to to fill that space and that can be such a a beautiful process not an easy process but a beautiful one if we can um learn how to support ourselves through it yeah you know one another message that my goddess mother gave me she said I because she's a very power very powerful seer I've never met anyone like her yeah and she said it was so challenging for me to like to really accept what she was saying I was like that I mean to be honest in my in my mind I was like that's not true she said I know that you want to be in community by being around people she said but I see you being alone a lot and she says you're not lonely but you are alone yeah and there will there will come time there will come times in your life where you know you will collaborate connect with people but I really see you being by yourself being alone yeah yeah and that was harder for me to accept because I am an an outgoing person I love to be in community but interestingly enough um I have now shifted from being like an extreme extrovert to being like an omnivert and so um I used to be oh let's let's be I don't want to be everybody everybody yeah to where I'm just like um I'm okay with being by myself I would love to hang out with Riva or you know Jocelyn or Ya you know like you know or Teresa I'm just you know just bear just you know yeah and I'm and I'm totally fine with that I'm totally fine with that and one thing that I've realized on this journey is that when you shine bright when you choose to shine your authentic light your light is going to offend people so be ready for that people that you never
• 45:37
  SPEAKER_00: Thought if you thought they were gonna love you or support you forever, they will be offended by your light.
• 45:43
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, and just because they are offended, please do not in your light to fit with anyone, right?
• 45:53
  SPEAKER_00: With anyone, because all the work that you have done on yourself to get to that point of standing in your power and speaking your truth, there you go.
• 46:05
  SPEAKER_00: You're you're literally gonna be like cutting yourself down, like cutting, like how you know how to get them.
• 46:13
  SPEAKER_00: You like knock it down a level.
• 46:14
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, every time, every time you dim your light, you're cutting down, you're cutting down, you're cutting down to where you're like, damn, I kind of remember who I am anymore.
• 46:25
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, but always remember to stay true to you.
• 46:30
  SPEAKER_00: If somebody is not, see, if they don't see you, baby girl, it's somebody out there who will see you and all of you, your light, and wanna wanna wanna hold space for you, wanna help you to continue to shine, yeah, rather than trying to knock you down, or even in relationships with males, when you shine bright.
• 47:00
  SPEAKER_00: Was like he wanted to contain my life for himself.
• 47:04
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, and if somebody in your life who wants to do that, that's not the person for you.
• 47:10
  SPEAKER_00: You should be able to be free, yeah, to stand in your power, to speak your truth.
• 47:18
  SPEAKER_00: That is why we are here and to love, despite the things that happened to you in the past, do not let that shut your heart down.
• 47:27
  SPEAKER_00: Do not everybody is not like them.
• 47:30
  SPEAKER_00: Do not let those lessons they happen for you, not to you.
• 47:35
  SPEAKER_00: There is no victim if you choose to grow from it, grow from it, grow it, so that you can come out on the other side and you can be here where we are saying, Hey, sis, this was my experience, you know.
• 47:53
  SPEAKER_00: Learn learn from my experience, learn from our experiences.
• 47:58
  SPEAKER_00: Like, and I'm even thinking about the other in Sacramento where it just first event I collaborated with them.
• 48:09
  SPEAKER_00: It felt very clicky.
• 48:12
  SPEAKER_00: And I was asked to come back to do another sound path, and I was like, hey, I said I don't feel safe.
• 48:19
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, you gotta you gotta mention it, you know, it's these people, these people who are say that they say that they are holding safe and sacred spaces, but in reality, it's not really that.
• 48:38
  SPEAKER_00: You have to know how to be a safe space for yourself before you go out and try to be a safe space for somebody else.
• 48:49
  SPEAKER_00: You have to embody that shit, yeah, period, embody it, yeah, it's not about saying it, right?
• 48:58
  SPEAKER_00: It's not about looking like you're a lot of you know you really gotta be about that because people are coming to you to receive and heal, to find sanctuary, and do not do not take that lightly, do not take that lightly because people are vulnerable, yeah, the vulnerable in there they are looking for a way home to themselves through you, through coming, through going to events, trying to find healing, trying to find peace, trying to find clarity.
• 49:53
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah, yeah, and maybe that's uh a conversation we could have um yeah, on another episode because yeah, I know it's connected and um yeah, it's another layer to this conversation for sure.
• 50:07
  SPEAKER_03: And uh as we're kind of reaching the the end of the episode, we've talked a lot about um discernment and listening to that inner sense, that inner knowing, and we've shared some things to look out for to help you uh do that discernment to really see if someone is um yeah, kind of for you and and for your growth and for your your health and well-being.
• 50:33
  SPEAKER_03: And I'm wondering is there any other uh final thoughts or or words that you want to offer to the listeners today who are maybe um recovering from situations like you and I or who have um maybe have this desire to cultivate authentic female relationships in their lives?
• 50:55
  SPEAKER_00: I would say to follow your heart.
• 51:01
  SPEAKER_00: You know, follow your heart if you get that little nudge about somebody once again, please, please take heed, take heed.
• 51:15
  SPEAKER_00: And you can ask your ancestors, your guides, uh, for assistance to show you who this person really is, you know.
• 51:27
  SPEAKER_00: Um just go to spaces and places where you feel safe and you feel held, spaces and places where you can remove your armor.
• 51:42
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, and if something ends uh if if if something begins fast, fast and hard, you're in it real deep.
• 51:50
  SPEAKER_00: This is my sister, this is my best friend.
• 51:52
  SPEAKER_03: Yep, that's your red flag right there.
• 51:54
  SPEAKER_00: That's a huge red flag.
• 51:56
  SPEAKER_00: That is a red flag, that's just like that's just like you gotta think about it, right?
• 52:00
  SPEAKER_00: That's just like when a man is like you're talking to this man, he's like, Oh, I want to be with you.
• 52:05
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, I didn't know you wouldn't like that.
• 52:08
  SPEAKER_00: Like you're like, bro, that's a red flag.
• 52:11
  SPEAKER_00: Like, you don't even know me.
• 52:13
  SPEAKER_00: You don't even know, and that's just like the friendship.
• 52:18
  SPEAKER_00: If it's coming in real hot and fast, yeah, don't do you gotta stop slow down and really ask yourself, really ask yourself like, what do I want from this connection?
• 52:35
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, yeah, you don't have a question.
• 52:38
  SPEAKER_00: Even ask them too.
• 52:40
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah, even better question.
• 52:42
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, like like like what like what is what is your intention for this connection?
• 52:48
  SPEAKER_00: Like, that's what I like to ask people, and especially guys who think they want to come into my space.
• 52:53
  SPEAKER_01: I'm like, so what is your intention here?
• 52:58
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, but yeah, but just just always always be true to you, yeah, always be true to you, always be true to how you feel your feeling that that is what's most important.
• 53:11
  SPEAKER_00: What's most important, and don't shrink yourself, don't ever shrink yourself out about it, yeah, or close your heart off because of the past.
• 53:21
  SPEAKER_00: Because there's there's people out there who's ready, willing, and available to accept you and see you and support you and love all of you, all of you, because you're worthy.
• 53:42
  SPEAKER_03: Well, what a rich conversation.
• 53:44
  SPEAKER_03: I don't know about you.
• 53:45
  SPEAKER_03: I'm already starting to feel a little bit lighter.
• 53:47
  SPEAKER_03: We had this really um this candle kind of burning and it's just gone out, and it feels like yeah, it feels like um like a little bit of closure, which I know is something that we were inviting in today as um, yeah, we are um here for these more authentic relationships and as we kind of close the door on this chapter of our lives where um you know we didn't know better, and now that we know we can do better.
• 54:13
  SPEAKER_03: And um, yeah, just grateful to to learn so much about repair and relationships and love and um sisterhood with you.
• 54:23
  SPEAKER_03: So thank you for giving me that opportunity.
• 54:26
  SPEAKER_00: Of course.
• 54:27
  SPEAKER_00: Thank you.
• 54:28
  SPEAKER_00: Thank you for just simply being you.
• 54:31
  SPEAKER_00: Like, thank you for being you, like all of you.
• 54:35
  SPEAKER_00: I wouldn't, I wouldn't, I would not change you, not one bit.
• 54:39
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, yeah.
• 54:40
  SPEAKER_00: I have I have I have learned to to love you and I have learned to I've learned that just because somebody doesn't like see you like they're not like you, you can still love them.
• 55:03
  SPEAKER_00: You know, they don't they don't they don't have to be like you, you know?
• 55:08
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, and you can still have a deep connection, like uh what was it?
• 55:14
  SPEAKER_00: Uh somebody was telling me, like, oh, I have a friend for this, and I have a friend for this and a friend for that.
• 55:19
  SPEAKER_00: And I always thought, like, oh, this one friend is supposed to be my everything.
• 55:23
  SPEAKER_00: No, no, no, no, no, no.
• 55:25
  SPEAKER_00: Red flag.
• 55:26
  SPEAKER_00: And that that's that's a red, that's a red flag too.
• 55:32
  SPEAKER_00: And so, and I learned and I said, Oh, spread it out.
• 55:38
  SPEAKER_00: Got it, got it, got it.
• 55:40
  SPEAKER_00: And so, yeah, like you're my friend that I like to like go out into nature with, and um we like to take trips, yeah, you know.
• 55:50
  SPEAKER_00: Um, we like good food.
• 55:53
  SPEAKER_00: Um, we like you know, some other things too.
• 55:56
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, but yeah, so and then I and then I have Yaya, who's also like into she's like my witchy friend and also like like my big big sister kind of energy, you know?
• 56:08
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 56:09
  SPEAKER_00: So I've got different friends for different things.
• 56:13
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah, yeah, I think that's another um, yeah, really valuable thing to leave with listeners today, too.
• 56:18
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah, thank you for that.
• 56:20
  SPEAKER_00: You're welcome.
• 56:21
  SPEAKER_00: Do you mind if I pull a card?
• 56:23
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah, let's let's close it out with a card.
• 56:25
  SPEAKER_00: All right.
• 56:34
  SPEAKER_00: And I'm pulling from the Sacred Power Um reading cards.
• 56:41
  SPEAKER_00: It's an Oracle deck by Anna Stark.
• 56:46
  SPEAKER_03: Okay, definitely talking a lot about power today, using our voice, boundaries, tapping into that discernment, that inner knowing, and what what is the call?
• 56:59
  SPEAKER_03: Why is it boundaries?
• 57:03
  SPEAKER_03: Yep.
• 57:05
  SPEAKER_00: Okay, there we go.
• 57:06
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, it's boundaries.
• 57:08
  SPEAKER_00: That's wild.
• 57:09
  SPEAKER_00: It's not just as you were saying, right?
• 57:12
  SPEAKER_00: Just as you were saying boundaries.
• 57:17
  SPEAKER_00: Okay.
• 57:21
  SPEAKER_00: Let me see.
• 57:23
  SPEAKER_00: Okay, so we have boundaries, card number five.
• 57:27
  SPEAKER_00: Five is changed.
• 57:29
  SPEAKER_00: Um, so it says chase your dream, chase your dreams, opportunities are endless.
• 57:35
  SPEAKER_00: I'm just gonna read a little bit.
• 57:36
  SPEAKER_00: Um throughout our lives, we sometimes feel our mo we sometimes feel our moments are restricted, whether it's our career, finance, relationship, travel, or living arrangements.
• 57:49
  SPEAKER_00: We need to grow as individuals.
• 57:52
  SPEAKER_00: But we can only do that breaking, we can only do that by breaking old modes and creating new experiences.
• 58:01
  SPEAKER_00: There is so much potential within you, but you but you must be willing to be to be bold and brave.
• 58:11
  SPEAKER_00: Um breaking barriers is only possible, is only possible when you overcome your anxiety um about moving past physical and emotional boundaries.
• 58:22
  SPEAKER_00: And then we have an affirmation here that says, I am able to create healthy boundaries supporting my personal growth and potential.
• 58:31
  SPEAKER_00: Ah, Shay.
• 58:33
  SPEAKER_03: Wow, yeah, loving that one today.
• 58:36
  SPEAKER_03: Beautiful, yeah, right on point.
• 58:39
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah, and something else for yeah, listeners to play and explore with boundaries, um, yeah, for yourself and um yeah, supporting other people's boundaries too.
• 58:49
  SPEAKER_03: That's something that we do really um we do a lot in our relationship too.
• 58:53
  SPEAKER_03: We just we just did that last week, right?
• 58:58
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah, and that would be like another red flag is if someone, you know, is not able to meet you in that, like, oh, okay, like thank you for being honest with me about what you need.
• 59:10
  SPEAKER_03: Like, if they can't meet you there, then you know, maybe it's not the right friend.
• 59:14
  SPEAKER_00: So yeah, yeah, but you are worthy of the very uh true uh sisterhood.
• 59:20
  SPEAKER_03: Yes, yes, we all are, we all are, and and I really think it's up to us um to to create that by being um an embodiment of uh authenticity, of of realness um in female relationships.
• 59:37
  SPEAKER_03: And if you know you're listening and you you find that you are the one who gossips or who has made those comments, um, whether consciously or unconsciously, um that's okay, you know, offering yourself some grace.
• 59:49
  SPEAKER_03: And if if you are really wanting to create this shift in the world, to see the shift in the world, you know, it starts with ourselves.
• 59:58
  SPEAKER_03: So um, yeah, just inviting everyone to step into um this embodiment of of true sisterhood and and letting that embodiment um be enough, letting it ripple out into the world and you know, creating role models and examples for for little ones so that they can learn how to create real and authentic female friendships too, because it's it's important and we need them.
• 1:00:24
  SPEAKER_03: So let's start changing them.
• 1:00:27
  SPEAKER_00: We need relationships.
• 1:00:29
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah.
• 1:00:31
  SPEAKER_03: Beautiful.
• 1:00:31
  SPEAKER_03: Well, thanks for your time today, Amora.
• 1:00:34
  SPEAKER_03: Welcome.