Latest / Real Deal Media / 'Epic Tales of Survival' Life & Times of Dean Ryan (Revisited)

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'Epic Tales of Survival' Life & Times of Dean Ryan (Revisited) · Real Deal Media

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Thank you for joining us. Late night update, a deeper look
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into our inner circle. I'm telling the stories about
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love and war and lost and love again and lost.
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Not necessarily in that order, but we've all been through it.
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I have a lot of very epic, weird, off the cuff stories that
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have happened in my life. I've I've, I've travelled all
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over the world. I've been lost in foreign
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countries, almost got in prison in Nicaragua, and I went to
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jail. All these places and places you
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wouldn't imagine. But in 2008, I was in a
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relationship with a girl who was very serious, you know, And I
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was trying it out. And I said I can be human too.
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I can be like everybody else, everything everyone else is
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doing. I certainly want a successful
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personal life. And I've always been the guy
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that if I have a very good professional life that the
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personal one is like this and then vice versa.
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It's never been like, I don't know if anyone's like that.
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I don't know if anyone's like that.
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She convinced me because all of her friends were doing to join
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the military. Oh cool.
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I'm going to join the United States Navy.
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I'm going to sell around the world and and this is going to
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be amazing. And they pay me to go selling
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and and I get my own room and all this other stuff and I could
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you know, I'll I'll take up a smoking habit too.
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And yeah, I'm going to be tough. So in my mind I was thinking
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like this was going to be a Carnival cruise and not a a
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working trip and all this stuff. So, so it came time to deploy
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and or or to go to boot camp. I should say it wasn't deploying
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anywhere. It didn't work out.
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And that's a long story and you know we're friends today.
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I'm not going to say anything bad about her, but so she left
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two weeks before I was supposed to go.
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So she's out of the picture. It was a bad breakup.
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Like, I I think I, you know, I I think I trashed the apartment.
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It was such a bad breakup. I I pulled like this Johnny Depp
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move and just. Depp was arrested in New York
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City on charges of criminal mischief after allegedly
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trashing his hotel room in the presence of girlfriend, model
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Kate Moss. After that, I got stuck with the
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cats, so I had to raise cats that I didn't want.
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So I got I got stuck with the cats.
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I was very anti cat, very anti cat.
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And then I became very pro cat. I mean because I raised the IT
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was the first thing you know I raised these two sister cats but
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I was still going to the United States Navy and I tend to I
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forgot that, I forgot that and I had to do it in two weeks and I
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said Oh my God. So like the week came to do it
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and I'm I was just you know I was I was drinking back then in
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my 20s and stuff. It came time to go and I I just
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I think I kept drinking to talk myself into it.
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Bush was still president. I shipped out.
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So now I don't even know why I'm doing this at this point.
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Because she had me do it because of a $20,000 signing bonus,
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which which how they do it over six years, you know, it's like,
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you know, $100 here, 100, you know, you don't get the jackpot.
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That's what I wanted. I want the jackpot.
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Now it's time to leave. I have the going away party for
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me. That was great.
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Very sentimental. She's on the picture now.
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I'm going now. I'm in Chicago O'Hare Airport
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with all these other, they call them Deppers or whatever, the
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Dippers Deppers. I don't know everyone that's
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going to boot camp. And I said, well, this is so
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cool. And if you kind of want to
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understand what what, what this whole scenario of, I was Barry,
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Bill Murray and the movie Stripes.
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Barry, Bill Murray and the movie Stripes.
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So now I'm in my regular clothes, we're there and we're
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all sitting down on the ground and there's about just like 50
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young kids, 50 young kids in the Navy going into boot camp And
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then they had this like like 21 year old, they call him Petty
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Officer. And I was, I was well into my
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20s at that point, you know somewhere in my mid or somewhere
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around there And and I'm like, you know, I'm, I'm pretty set in
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my ways at that point. And so he's going around yelling
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at everyone. He goes, hey boy.
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What What do you call a new boy? And I'm like, please don't,
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please don't call on me. Please don't call on me.
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I'm not. I can't take the.
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I don't want anyone yelling at me.
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Don't yell at me. Please don't do it.
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And and sure enough he calls on me.
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I'm like, God damn it, don't yell at me.
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And so he goes, hey, what are you doing?
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What are you doing with your life?
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Well, actually, I'm a air conditioning man.
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And I thought, well, how how cool is that?
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I can be the air conditioning man in the Navy and just sail
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the world like like Sinbad. And.
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And so he goes, oh, and he goes, we got ourselves an air
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conditioning man over here. Well, yeah, actually, we're
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called HVAC. Oh, we got ourselves a comedian.
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Well, I mean, I'm just telling what it is.
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Well, I'll tell you what, mother, You're going to die.
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You going to go to Afghanistan with the Marines?
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And he just starts yelling me, tell me I'm going to die.
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I'm going to get shot at by the Taliban and all this stuff.
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And I'm thinking the whole time he's telling me this, OK And I'm
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thinking to myself now I I I'm putting my logic to to this.
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Whereas I was just, you know, drunk for two weeks, just
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drinking and drinking because I I didn't know what I was getting
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to. So now I'm thinking, OK, now I'm
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going to Afghanistan, which I don't know shit about.
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For a girl who I'm no longer with, with a bunch of people
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that are like 18/19/20 and and I'm like this old guy at this
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point, you know, sort of speak. And I said to my and I said what
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the hell am I doing? I said I'm an entertainer
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because I was doing a lot of music at that point.
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I said I do not. So like this voice came to me,
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this voice. Came.
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You were meant to do very big things.
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The the voice of the deity came and.
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So I told the kid next to me and I said, hey man, we got to get
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out of here. This is not for us, this is not
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for us. So it was really that scene out
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of stripe from Bill Murray. And I said to him, we got to go
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no, no, no, no, no. He's like 19.
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Just shit through it. No, because we had to have our
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heads down. I got to go.
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I got things to do. It was nice knowing you.
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I take my bag with all my clothes in it and they go, you
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have to use the bathroom, sit your ass in.
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You're not taking that bag. No way.
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Yeah, and they do sound like Foghorn Leghorn from the
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cartoon. That's just not me ad living.
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They really do sound like Foghorn Leghorn.
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So now I'm like oh great. I can't take all my clothes and
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all my necessities in the bag. So I have to use whatever I had.
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So I had like 2 shirts and a like a little sweater.
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And I go to the restroom and I said OK, I'm going to undo this
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part. My hair this way and I walk out
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of the restroom. They'd even see me one of these
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things and I and I walk out and I get into a cab in Chicago.
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Chicago O'Hare Airport, 2008. And I get in there and I told
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the guy, like, just like you've seen in all the films, I said.
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No, keep me downtown. I don't care where.
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Give me all of them. And I escaped.
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I escaped, and I felt like I escaped Alcatraz.
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It was the weirdest, most relieving feeling ever.
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Almost like a a kidney stone. I would imagine just you had
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this kidney stone of of going to Afghanistan, getting shot at by
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the Taliban, but yet wanting to kill the Petty Officer who's
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yelling at me. That's the logic in my head,
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like I would be getting shot at by by the Taliban, but my whole
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focus was how am I going to shoot this guy?
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Forget the towel heads, I want to shoot this guy.
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So I knew I couldn't be there and I knew I had bigger things
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to do. So he drops me off.
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He drops me off in downtown Chicago, I think, I believe it
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was the Hard Rock Cafe or or the House of Blues and all that.
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And mind you, it's three days before Thanksgiving, one of my
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favorite holidays because I love pumpkin pie and that's how I
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value and measure my holidays that I like depending on what
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I'm eating. That's the typical American way.
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So I get off and and I go into the the Hard Rock Cafe and it's
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a free concert for a band called Shiny Toy Guns.
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You know. So I go in there and I meet.
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I meet somebody and they gave me shelter.
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I don't know what it was the first time in Chicago I'm in a
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place called because I was asked to leave the next morning.
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That's so. So now I'm wandering around in a
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cold ass winter vortex in Chicago in Boys Town I.
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Didn't know what Boys Town was. I didn't know what Boys Town
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was, but I let's just say I found out right away what Boys
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Town was. It was the the Castro district
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of Chicago. It is the the the juicy Smollett
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where he did his little psyop on us.
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Yeah, it was right there roaming around lost.
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Didn't know where it was. I just knew the Sears Tower was
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that way. And I've always heard about the
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Sears Tower. You know, I said why at least if
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I'm here because now at this point I'm like I cannot go back,
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I cannot go back. So but I'm going to be here.
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I'm going to go see where Oprah does her thing.
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I'm going to have a, a deep dish pizza and get overcharged for
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it. And I'm going to go see the
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Sears Tower and I'm going to start a new life here.
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And. Yeah, and and whatever girl this
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is that I met. Yeah, I'll stick it out and
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maybe we'll become an item just because I do not want to go home
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in the humiliation. And you know, I mean if you saw
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the party that I had before I left, you would understand that
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you cannot replicate that. So I'm roaming around and it's
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getting cold and you know, I won't go into the entire things
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of of of Chicago because, you know, I wound up in South Side
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Chicago at one point. And you know, this is before I
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knew anything. That's how dumb I was.
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Yeah. So I'm in South Side Chicago and
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just the, the, the most nefarious groups of people and I
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wound up like in a Roach motel and I said OK, I can't do this
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anymore. I only had like $200.00 on me.
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I said I'm going to have to make that call home.
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So I did. It was one of the most
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humiliating calls ever. And and I said why I'd like to
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make it home before Thanksgiving.
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So now it became so it started with the the film Stripes from
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Bill Murray. Now we're now bleeding into
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planes, trains and automobiles and and getting home before
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Thanksgiving. It was was the objective.
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So. So I did I'm in at home and you
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know my mother's husband he never spoke to me again.
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He was so disappointed and ashamed, you know because he
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he's Mr. Prestige. You know, Mr. Prestige, you are
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nobody and feel that you have that doctorate's degree or job
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that everyone looks up to. So it is Mr. Prestige because at
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this point now I know what my trajectory is.
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I'm now home. I made it for Thanksgiving at
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one of the most awkward Thanksgivings ever.
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And but I know what my trajectory is.
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It's to do something that can allow me to be creative.
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Allow me to get things off my brain and chest and and you know
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what kind of what we're doing here in music and all that.
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And so, So I started working at UPS, believe it or not, because
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I I didn't know. I'm in my 20s and just holiday
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work. That's when I met somebody who
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who's a a friend and she told me about this movie that we have to
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watch. I said OK, well, whatever.
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And this was in Newport Beach. So she told me we got to watch
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this movie called Obama Deception.
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Obama Deception by the Alex Jones.
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And I said, OK, yeah, sure. And I'll tell you what, That's
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why I can relate to people who are waking up right now.
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And I and I, we watched that film and that was the first time
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in my life that I ever had another look at 911 and and
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said, Oh my God. And she said the same thing.
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And it was, Oh my God, hide under the covers, Oh my God.
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We got to get out of here. We we have to get out of
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California. At that time we talked about
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going to Texas and and you know all these things.
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I woke up to that and it just changed everything, changed
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everything. And I I saw things and because
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at that point you know to me alternative was Fox News.
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It was the alternative to CNN or or Bill O'Reilly.
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You know he's telling it like it is.
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You know and that was the mentality that was part of the
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awakening where we are today. I didn't know any better.
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That happens now. I'm I'm now I'm getting into you
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know getting into the the Ron Pauls getting into the what what
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this Federal Reserve is getting into.
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You know Alex Jones had great guest on his show.
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That was the thing about that platform is you know you would
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discover the great minds you know and and people you could
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not find on the mainstreams on that show.
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And it just it opened up a whole Pandora's box of what could be
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and what what really wasn't and what might happen in the future
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from people that are trying to enslave the world.
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I I understood it. I learned the articulation of
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it. I learned what the military was
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really being used for and just everything from from shots to
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and all these things I learned and I learned that from now on
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these are the type of people I want to be around.
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The people that see the world for what it is and and or at
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least have some kind of inclination of of what it could
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be and what it's not. And that was that was her.
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That was her. This particular person.
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Lisa it is quite a story of great proportion of how I turned
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into the unusual person I am today.
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But that moment of waking up, so continuing here.
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So now I'm I'm back from this big Navy thing right.
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You know, and I supported the the efforts of the military and
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all these things. From what I knew, there was no
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me going and researching where I was from.
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There was never people like this in my circle.
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So I I didn't know what I don't know.
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I I've now escaped the Navy. Thank God, because somebody was
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going to die. It could have been me.
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I could have been chasing the dragon too.
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I'm well aware of that. So now I'm back in this girl,
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woke me up. This girl and I, I've known her
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for a few years at that point. So then we lose touch.
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Then we lose touch. And I go my own way and I'm
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getting into the music thing. And again, now I'm starting to
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play Hollywood and now I'm doing everything grandiose.
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At that point there, there was no, you know, small step.
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Why don't I go to trade school? Why don't I just stick it out in
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college? I know I'm.
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I'm leapfrogging to the top at that point because I knew and
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subconsciously, my grandparents who?
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Who adopted me were were much older than I want to say, maybe
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people's grandparents, you know, we were talking born in the 20s,
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so I knew I had to do something big so they can see it and
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appreciate it and enjoy it with me.
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And even if they didn't understand, they would see that
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I'm OK and I'm doing something worthwhile.
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I'm doing something that they can appreciate.
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So I was always trying to up my game in the ends, always
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justified the means for me. Now I'm playing music in a band,
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OK? At this point in time in the
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music business. So 2010, I see things changing.
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You know, the rock music, you know nobody's going out anymore
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to go see live music. Trying to figure out how do I
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reinvent the wheel and all these things.
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And I'll spare you from all those moments of discovery.
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But I I decided that what I wanted to see is what should be
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done. And that was to have live
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fashion shows with just beautiful models walking on a
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runway while the band played and and I said I just want to
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recreate that and the local scene and the bar scene and and
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then within a four month time period I wound up playing the
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Rio Hotel Casino in Las Vegas. It's like my like real big first
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show, the playing you know, House of Blues and Hollywood,
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LA. And I even made it all the way
16:46
up to Olympia Arena in London for the Great British Tattoo
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show. So all these things, what an
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experience this is. I mean, not many people can say
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they were on the rooftop of the Rio Hotel in Vegas and get
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approached by Master P and his people and asked me if I would
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do a birthday fashion show for his son.
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I guess his son was for Little Bow Wow.
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And in my hearts of hearts, I wanted to say hell now and get
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the hell away from me. In reality, I knew that the edge
17:23
of the hotel was just yay under and they could be holding me
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upside down, threatening to drop me like Vanilla Ice, you know,
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like it happened to him. So I said, oh, no problem.
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You just tell me when we'll get it done, you know?
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So I I wasn't a fashion designer.
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I was not any of that. But I was.
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I love the event. It's to me the event and the
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thrill of anything could go wrong at any time is very
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exciting to me and and I think that's what I get to do this
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day. I love the fact the risk and
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controlling the risk. I get off on that.
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So, so I'm doing all this stuff, I'm doing it, I'm doing it, I'm
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doing it. And I even go all the way to
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London Fashion Week in 2012. I went up moving to Liverpool,
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England, if you can imagine. And moving in with my aunt who
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literally looks and sounds like Mrs. Doubtfire and I'm not even
18:12
kidding she, I mean when she would tell me help is on the way
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I could not help myself. So I get there now.
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Now I'm in England and I'm just like I have to hurry to to
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fulfil this dream to show my grandparents that I am doing
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something on a grand global scale at this point.
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So now I'm in London Fashion link.
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Wow. All right.
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And literally the people that go to London Fashion link.
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I don't know if you've seen heard about it Ben.
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So it it's by you know right in the heart of London you know
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right in the heart of Somerset House Piccadilly's or all that
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stuff and the people that go to these things, you thought it was
18:52
a joke you thought it was a joke.
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But they really look like they are from Zoolander.
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The most oddest clothes the weirdest hats the you know the
19:01
the look especially the German ones the German the fashion
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people are literally from like inner earth.
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You're like that that's fashion. I mean that that looks like you
19:11
just crawled out of a a moon rock from Mars.
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It was representing the band and the brand name and I was trying
19:17
to get a show there. And you know, I had meetings
19:20
with the biggest PR people in London and they were the PR
19:23
people for Gordon Ramsay. And so you go in their office,
19:26
you see Gordon Ramsay on the big picture, just him screaming.
19:28
And oddly enough, it was for a brand called Pretty Green from
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Liam Gallagher of Oasis that they wanted to do a show with
19:35
me. So now I'm literally sitting at
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the table here and I have people looking at me like I am
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literally the the king of fashion.
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I had his and hers magazine, UK do spreads on me.
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I was just on the covers of these things.
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Well, I was not 6 foot, 46 foot five and but you know, I
19:58
certainly tried one time and I hope to God nobody finds that
20:01
runway footage really bad, really bad.
20:04
It's just OK, So this is all working on.
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I'm trying to do it and I'm trying and then the girl that
20:09
woke me up, she's doing her thing now.
20:11
Now she's in a band. And every time there's something
20:13
good going on for her and things are positive for her, I'm an
20:17
afterthought. I'm a thumbprint on a
20:20
skyscraper. I am what what Jesus is for
20:24
people that go to prison for a long time.
20:27
I am to her. Meaning I'm not discovered until
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you are literally on, in the gutter, on your last leg and in
20:35
a Turkish prison where that's where I hang out.
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So you know, this is where this girl finds me.
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And this happens in like 3-4 year reciprocals, just on and on
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and on. It's like the worst romantic
20:49
comedy horror movie ever made. Yeah, so they're in England on
20:53
top of the world looking down on Creation, going up and down the
20:57
the small country of England, which was a very different
20:59
country eight years ago, living in Liverpool and then.
21:03
So now I get back to Liverpool and my my, my wonderful misses,
21:07
doubtfire inspired ads tells me Oh dear yeah, it's not part of
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the bargain. You you have to go.
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I love to have your love, but I've got to watch Emmerdale.
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I got to watch at nightly. And you, you you're just getting
21:21
in the way of my friends that want to come over.
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So she tells me I have to go after she told me to move there
21:28
and then like teach music for the centre that she bought with
21:31
my my dead uncle's money. But now I have to go, and I have
21:35
to go because of the following, because after my uncle died, she
21:39
got into online dating and she's like in her 70s at this point.
21:43
So she was having random men come to her house and have a
21:48
good time with her. And then just she would just,
21:49
you know, like whistle next. So that house that I was in, it
21:53
was a a quasi brothel that I was in the way of unbeknownst to me.
21:58
And I cannot tell you how disturbing that was.
22:02
How disturbing how? And it was a place called Rain
22:06
Hill. Village by Merseyside in case
22:10
anyone from England's watching Rain Hill Village.
22:12
So I have to go now and so now I have to go.
22:16
So what she does and and my cousins you know want nothing to
22:19
do with my second cousins all these other people and so now
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she she gets my I get my bag and my hat and my little coat.
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I literally looks like a Paddington bear.
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I mean the only thing I was missing was a a jar of
22:31
marmalade. And not only that she drops me
22:34
off in the Town Center and it's raining.
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It's raining and I look like Paddington Bear and it's raining
22:44
on me and Mrs. Doubtfires dropping me off in the middle of
22:47
the village that was deserted. So what am I going to do?
22:51
So I did, naturally, what you have to do in that situation.
22:53
I went to an Indian restaurant that just so happened to me.
22:56
Open. Sure are.
23:05
You Are you ready for your table?
23:08
You're ready eating? Oh no.
23:09
I'm waiting for someone. It's raining outside.
23:11
What am I going to do? Stand there with my briefcase
23:14
and my umbrella and my jar of marmalade?
23:16
So I said no, no, no, no. Just wait.
23:24
Wait, and you know they have the weird.
23:25
They have the honest names. His name was like Peter Johnson.
23:28
It's never, you know, their their birth name.
23:31
I said, Mr. Johnson, Please wait.
23:33
So now I'm going in this Indian store.
23:35
I said OK, what am I going to do?
23:36
I'm in a foreign country. I don't have cell phones or
23:38
mobiles. I I, I look like a a cartoon
23:41
bear, stuffed animal, whatever. And I'm in an Indian restaurant.
23:45
I do not like Indian food whatsoever.
23:47
So to make a Long story short, I wound up roaming through
23:50
Liverpool and all these things, staying at hostels and meeting
23:54
all kinds of people. I found out what a hen party
23:56
was. There's no hens involved.
23:58
It's actually women who get married.
24:00
It's a like a bachelor party that invited myself to and it
24:04
was just roaming, roaming. And I'll tell you what, that's
24:07
why I have a lot of affection. And for the north of England,
24:11
and particularly Liverpool, is some of the the greatest and
24:15
warmest people I've ever met in my life and the nicest people
24:18
that just want to get to know you live in the places that I've
24:22
been to in in England, really, really just down earth.
24:27
And I just loved it. And the beer was amazing.
24:30
I mean, I was drinking a lot of beer and and eating a lot of
24:32
what was I a lot of, you know, sausage rolls and wheat pies and
24:35
crisps. I mean, it's like I've never
24:37
eaten before and I was just eating everything I could.
24:39
I was just consuming the culture through the vehicle of food.
24:44
And now I'm lost in this culture and I'm lost in Liverpool and
24:48
I'm lost from ever getting home. And I'm just so childlike.
24:53
Even when customs, when I arrived there, they asked me how
24:56
long was I staying? I said I don't know.
24:58
At that time I thought I could stay forever.
25:00
I mean, because my my aunt, you know, this is how stupid I was.
25:04
Stupid. I'm actually ashamed of myself
25:07
the more I tell these stories. I have to get home.
25:09
I get to Manchester. I take a cab from Manchester and
25:13
I've never seen people from Manchester.
25:15
They they have, they have a lot of tattoos.
25:17
Some of them, they love Las Vegas.
25:19
They have a leftover mullet from the 80s, some of them do and
25:23
they have a real affection for Florida for some reason they buy
25:28
houses there. So these particular British
25:31
people. And he said and so he takes me
25:33
to the airport and and I said finally I'm going home and I
25:37
bought a ticket and I it was a steal from Manchester to Lai got
25:41
a $300.00 ticket. And I said good, I'm getting I'm
25:45
give me the Jack Daniels, the bars officially open.
25:47
I'm going home. And I'm so sick of misses
25:49
Doubtfire ruining my life dropping me off in the rain next
25:53
to a puddle. So when the the the car comes
25:55
the puddle just splashes me like like you've seen.
25:57
And that happened and then when it did happen I couldn't believe
26:00
it was happening. It was so cliche but it
26:02
happened. So now I'm at the airport and
26:06
and I'm getting ready to go. And then as I it's about like
26:08
four or five in the morning, I'm getting on the plane.
26:10
I'm ready to, and I realized something, I said.
26:13
Oh dear God, I'm a complete idiot and I'm drunk right now.
26:19
There's not much I can do about it.
26:20
I accidentally purchased a plane ticket from Manchester, NH to
26:25
Los Angeles, not Manchester, England.
26:29
So now I'm extremely screwed in the middle of nowhere.
26:33
And I I I'm extremely drunk because I got really drunk at
26:37
that airport. I got so drunk I was buying
26:41
people in the terminal shots of Jack Daniels that didn't even
26:43
want to drink. So I saw I was threatening
26:46
people to drink with me. You ever get that?
26:49
You ever get that? That way where you start
26:50
threatening people like you're going to drink with me or
26:55
there's going to be hell. So now I say, what the hell am I
27:01
going to do? I'm awake to the world.
27:03
I got a girl that may or may not want to have anything to do with
27:06
me, that that was awakened with me and all these things.
27:09
And I'll tell you what I I managed to talk to Egyptian
27:14
Airlines and I told them that there was a mistake in the
27:19
ticket and it was their fault. But then I said, well, to be
27:21
honest, it might have been the French for some reason.
27:24
I had an idea that the Egyptian airlines had some kind of
27:28
rivalry with the French airline, and long ago they did actually.
27:32
And so they I said just give me a flight out of here.
27:34
And then they said the only flight they had available was a
27:38
flight from Manchester, England, to Costa Rica, San Jose, Costa
27:42
Rica. And I said.
27:44
OK well, I don't really have summer clubs and I wasn't
27:46
planning on this but that's closer to LA, so I'll take it.
27:50
So I'm on Egyptian Airlines sitting next to Baghdadi and his
27:54
five kids all in backpacks and his wife who you just saw the
27:58
eyelashes of and I'm sitting on this plane with them and you
28:02
know I don't know what it is to is is deodorant not been
28:05
discovered in in these regions of the world.
28:06
I mean, my God, there was not a a clothespin that could have
28:11
just prevented the the leakage now going into my pores and with
28:16
my Jack Daniels soaked body, intoxicated body.
28:21
Imagine that scene. Yeah.
28:24
England has a lot of unusual imams usual.
28:27
So I get to Costa Rica and you know and I'm still on the kind
28:32
of the high of I just did London Fashion Week and all this stuff
28:34
I get to Costa Rica and I didn't know.
28:36
So I I had a friend who had a friend by the beach and they
28:39
said get to this place by the beach, mind the crocodiles and
28:42
you should be OK And I said, well what the hell is this?
28:43
Indiana Jones, You're going to give me the map and the legend.
28:48
If I got a swing there from a vine is is is there an old man
28:50
I'm supposed to meet at the top of the mountain?
28:55
You know, all these things. I'm just, I'm trying to get
28:57
home. I've been on the weirdest
28:58
journey of my life that started in Chicago, that had me in the
29:03
depths of a Piccadilly Circus that has sat me next to the Bin
29:07
Laden family on the Egyptian Airlines.
29:11
By the way, they don't tip very cheap.
29:14
Now I'm in Costa Rica dressed as Paddington Bear where it's
29:18
hotter than hell. I haven't used Spanish in years.
29:22
I took a total of four years of it, 2IN high school, two in
29:25
college and it did. It meant absolutely nothing
29:28
because I've never used it and I forgot it all and I never paid
29:31
attention when I was in the class and and so now I'm in
29:34
Costa Rica and I said what am I going to do?
29:35
So I wound up living like in a little Hut, living off coconuts
29:43
and chopping them with a machete and potatoes and lime and
29:47
waiting on money transfers that were impossible to get and just
29:52
swimming and just I said I I think I might be stuck here for
29:55
the rest of my life, living on an island like an like a like
29:58
Gilligan's Island like a castaway.
30:01
And and I did it. So I was like there for three
30:04
weeks and and I'll tell you Hako Beach, if you have never been to
30:07
Costa Rica, Hako Beach, which it's kind of changed.
30:10
There's a lot of prostitutes now, but there wasn't as many
30:13
back then from what I hear. So that happened.
30:16
And so make a Long story short or to make a long story.
30:20
Not as long because it's been long and you've been so
30:22
gracious. I wanted going back to you know,
30:25
LA as people see it but Orange County and thank God I did.
30:28
And I didn't know what I was going to do.
30:29
But I said this has been an experience and it was 2012.
30:33
It was the the Mayan calendar everything.
30:36
Everything, you know, the the Ron Paul, all that stuff, all
30:40
that stuff. And I said what am I going to
30:43
do? And I'll tell you what happened
30:44
is the following months going into 13, that was the game
30:49
changer and I lost it. I I got sued by VH1, OK.
30:55
I got sued by VH1's Fashion Rocks to take my show.
30:58
My show was called Fashion Rock Show similar concept but
31:02
whatever. And they they're going to take
31:04
me to federal court in New York. So now I'm I'm like, God, I just
31:09
got home. Now I'm getting ready to go to
31:10
to federal court. One of my like Larry Flint, the
31:12
people versus Dean Ryan. I mean, this is insane.
31:16
I just survived England and the the the the scouses and all the
31:21
liver pud lands. Now I'm going and so all this
31:22
stuff happened. Now I'm getting ready to go to
31:24
federal court so I can't believe this.
31:27
So I I asked my friend Clyde. I said Clyde I need a lawyer.
31:30
I need a lawyer. I need it now.
31:32
I I this is my livelihood. I mean, everyone's always trying
31:35
to steal my work from me to this day to this day.
31:40
Christine's here. She remembers this adventure.
31:42
Christine, thank you for joining.
31:43
I thought you were in the witness protection program.
31:45
Glad to see you are still live. And Christine was there because
31:48
I had a fashion show going on in LA and she helped produce it.
31:52
And so I was on the phone with these people on how to do it.
31:55
And I'm back and I'm getting ready for court.
31:57
And and so my friend got me this lawyer like this Obi Wan Kenobi
32:01
lawyer, this Mr. Miyagi type. He was this older man from New
32:03
York or from Chicago, but from originally from New York, old
32:06
Jewish lawyer. And he actually wound up being
32:08
the lawyer for Sammy the Bull, the Joe Pesci character in
32:13
Casino. This was the lawyer for that
32:15
group, that mafia group that got them off, not off, but got them
32:20
out of legal hot water in prison.
32:22
This was that lawyer. He was supposed to be in the
32:24
movie Casino. Martin Scorsese asked him to be
32:26
in it and he said, no, I don't want to be in it because the
32:29
idea in the memory of my client getting hit in the the
32:33
cornfields with baseball bats, him and his brother, I cannot
32:35
bear to think about that again. Yeah, Larry Worksman.
32:39
Good man, Good man. Grumpy, but good, good man.
32:45
And so anyways, he he won the case for me.
32:48
I never had to go there. So anyways, thank you everybody
32:51
for joining us on this late night update.
32:53
Say thanks for allowing us to share and bear our souls tonight
32:57
as in yours as well. So I just want to take you.
33:00
Stay tuned. Stay awake.
33:01
Good night everybody. This week has just been so
33:04
bizarre. I had to make a quick trip to a
33:08
a former city where I lived on a quick plane ride to retrieve
33:13
some of the things from my apartment, my clothing, some
33:17
family mementos and my guitars. Yes, I had my guitars back and I
33:22
am quite happy about that because it's been a long time
33:26
stuff I had not seen since pre Pandemic era.
33:31
So I I went to the airport and I got to tell you, I'm the only
33:35
man in the two airports that I went to who was a maskless.
33:40
The question is as you can see here the.
33:45
Mask mandate mandate that says federal law is where does the
33:50
federal end in the state begin. Because that's that's really.
33:58
What it comes down to, I just, I I didn't wear it.
34:00
So right here, the biggest and vast amounts of bombings.
34:07
Look at this. Look at this.
34:15
It's an update. So we get on the plane with
34:19
Frontier. Frontier Airlines, let's just
34:24
say to be cliche, is the last Frontier for me.
34:28
But we get on the plane and everybody, the who's who of the
34:33
carnival crowd was there and everyone's 5 to 8 kids were
34:39
there as well with their gold chains and gold teeth and that's
34:45
fine. Everything stopped And the SWAT
34:48
team came on the plane to escort a terrorist off the airplane and
34:53
said, my God, feels very reminiscent of 9/11, I thought.
34:58
And everyone had their masks on. And the HPIC the head something
35:03
in charge, who's also ACDC undercover physician and just
35:09
happens to work as a stewardess on the side.
35:13
She made sure that she got the measurements with the
35:15
protractors out to make sure my mask.
35:17
And I said, and I and I made sure I said, I said, thank you,
35:20
doctor. Thank you for your wonderful
35:23
resilience and bravery and being on the front line, making sure
35:27
us prisoners have our masks on. Thank you very much.
35:30
Oh, no, she wasn't having any of that.
35:32
You were not allowed to talk back to the to the head
35:35
physician in charge there for Frontier Airlines Medical
35:38
Center. But whatever I said, you know,
35:41
I'll, I'll, I'll bite my tongue for a change and I sat down and
35:46
then that's when the SWAT team came to escort the terrorists
35:49
out. Now you may be asking yourself,
35:51
Dean, you were on a a plane with a terrorist and she, this person
35:54
had a a weapon of war or a bomb or something worse.
35:59
Worse, this terrorist on the plane with us didn't have her
36:04
mask on properly and put our lives in danger.
36:09
And I said oh God, what is she thinking?
36:12
I held my breath for a good 30 seconds until she was off the
36:16
plane and naturally being part of the collective, being part of
36:20
the the very dumbed down low Iqed, Cheeto Fingers, Government
36:26
Cheese collective they. We began to clap and cheer and
36:32
and scoff at this terrorist for not complying with the not the
36:37
laws, with the corporate terms and services of our new
36:43
constitution. Our new Magna Carta called the
36:45
corporate terms and service policies because we live in a
36:48
world made of apps ran by terms and services.
36:52
Probably will be the name of my new book once I write one.
36:55
Everyone scoffing hair. You know, I wanted to be the
36:57
wild hair of the bunch. I wanted to be the red headed
36:59
stepchild. And I said guys wait a minute,
37:02
wait a minute, why are we scoffing and and not jeering at
37:06
the airlines for adopting the most ridiculous laziest
37:12
narrative known to man which is this virus from a bat that loved
37:17
us. Why?
37:17
Why are we? Why are we scouring and scoffing
37:21
at the individual? No one had an answer.
37:26
So then I get to a point where I start answering my own questions
37:29
like you know any lawyer. Oh it's because we've never
37:33
heard this kind of talk You know I so I really dumbed down my
37:35
talk. Anyways we take off and about 20
37:41
minutes left in the flight. I'm I'm just so you know I I did
37:45
an all niner Sunday into Monday morning working on a special
37:49
because I knew I was going to miss Monday here at class and I
37:52
wanted to play it but so I worked all night and I was you
37:56
know I'm tired I I probably should have eaten more that
37:58
morning and didn't eat much but whatever about 1520 minutes in
38:02
the flight I am feeling nauseous.
38:04
Like carsick, nauseous, but like carsick plus seasick and
38:12
everything sick. And I had the slave mask over my
38:16
beak, very hard to breathe. I I felt like I was breathing a
38:20
a Chinese man's foot from Beijing.
38:22
You could just smell it because you know, they use them to mop
38:26
the floors there. So it was smelling Gigi Ping's
38:30
feet. I said, oh God, this is
38:35
terrible. Gym socks smell better.
38:38
And by the way, I'm getting some because the turbulence is just
38:41
out of control. So, you know, every time you
38:44
hear a turbulence, you're like, OK, this is how I'm going to
38:46
die. OK, let's see.
38:47
Who am I going to think about before I die?
38:49
You know, so so you go through the rolodex of people you want
38:51
to think about and push them up. So now I'm hunched.
38:54
Over and. The one time, the one time I'm
39:00
ready to use the hurling bag, the throw up vomit bag that they
39:03
all promote, you know where they get the seatbelts and they do
39:06
the whole procedure, the ceremonial thing and you know,
39:09
exits that way. And then here's the lunch bag in
39:12
kiss you vomit. The one time I need it, it's not
39:14
there. I said damn it, just my luck.
39:19
So they expect me to vomit inside my mask and then put it,
39:21
you know, just back in. So I said I can't do this.
39:24
I'm getting clammy. I'm getting really cold and and
39:26
I'm about to pass out. I have two.
39:28
I think they were from Brazil. So then understand all the
39:31
signals and hands and English I was saying about, you know, I'm
39:34
about to throw out, please. Anyways, I get up, I go to the
39:38
back, to the bathroom to the laboratory, and I'm like, I have
39:43
to rush. And here we have the prison
39:46
guard, AKA the prison attendant saying, Sir, you put that mask
39:52
on right now you put that on. You know, you put it on or
39:55
you're, you know, we're going to call your parents.
39:56
You know, it's like I'm back in high school, like for dangerous
39:59
minds, like, you know, for San Quentin University.
40:02
And I'm like, OK, I don't care what he says.
40:03
I'm about to vomit. And and and it's just it's it's
40:06
coming. So he's like, oh, OK OK we'll go
40:09
in there. I'm like, OK, all right then
40:10
we'll go in there. So again in there you we've all
40:12
been in the the airplane airplane bathrooms they're as
40:16
big as like a tiny suitcase whatever vomiting and it's just
40:23
imagine being in a cage and it's just rattling even more so than
40:27
where it was on your seat. But now times like 50 plus the
40:31
aromas, whatever was there. So that's even knocking me out a
40:35
little bit more and then causing more.
40:36
It's like a vicious cycle of turbulence, shaking stress from
40:41
the prison guard right outside the door, the the unbelievable,
40:45
undescribable, nasty aromas from Frontier and just the the the
40:50
stress of it all. And I'm nauseous, so I'm dry
40:53
heaving all that stuff. I'm like, Oh my God, I got to
40:55
get out here. I'm claustrophobic.
40:56
I'm claustrophobic in the mask. It's too much.
40:59
I try to go out. And that's when all hell ensued.
41:01
He made sure he stopped the door at his door.
41:05
FAA regulations prohibit you from coming out here and being
41:09
in front of the emergency exit door unless you're fully trained
41:12
with the manual. And Sir, you need to wear a
41:15
mask. I know you're dying.
41:16
I know you're vomiting everywhere and can't breathe and
41:19
are about to have cardiac arrest, But Sir, you need to do
41:21
it with the mask on, OK? I said.
41:25
Well, OK, well, I need to do it with the mask on and he wouldn't
41:28
budget. So I was falsely imprisoned in a
41:31
a a Frontier bathroom against my will.
41:36
And I'm thinking the whole time I said this is what Wesley
41:39
Snipes Passenger 57, felt like, I said this is it right now.
41:42
This is my moment to be that 90s film action star right here.
41:47
How am I going to do this? Am I going to just, am I going
41:50
to beat his ass? Am I going to kick his ass right
41:51
in front of everybody? Well, that might be a federal.
41:55
I don't know, offense. Who knows?
41:57
Because these people don't mess around.
42:00
These people are locking step with all the procedures of this
42:04
event Two and one of this operation lock step of this
42:08
SPARS 2025. Yeah, look into that.
42:12
They called security on me. And this all is in line with
42:16
what so many Americans, so many people around the world are
42:20
experiencing. They need to travel for work,
42:23
for family. Hardly anyone's travelling for
42:25
leisure these days because they don't want to put up with the
42:28
warden and his deputies locking me in the bathroom.
42:33
I mean, imagine, imagine the authority that is going through
42:38
the veins of these nobodies, but who have been indoctrinated and
42:42
granted power over you, over your sovereignty, over your
42:45
body, over your Wellness. The so, so Jason is his name.
42:49
Jason with the shiniest bald head I've ever seen is now the
42:55
jury executioner, and I apparently judge and physician.
42:59
It was the most excruciating, painful experience.
43:04
I mean, usually I'm the guy would that would film it.
43:06
But I'm hunched over and I I I've never felt so I'll I've
43:10
never felt so I'll naturally. At least I could do I I
43:13
ridiculed him and his colleague like like no one's ever
43:18
ridiculed them before. I I told them that my my wishes
43:22
for them are to get the miracle jab and die immediately.
43:25
And I've even sanctioned myself and volunteered to administer it
43:31
at will. They just say the word, I'll be
43:34
there and make sure they get it and I'll pin them down.
43:36
And I told them this, and I told them when the Nuremberg trials
43:39
come, I'm going to make sure that he is handled accordingly.
43:46
And I'm going to make sure I get to pull the lever too and hold
43:49
him down. Just like I was in the bathroom
43:51
dying, God. And I was sick for the rest of
43:55
the day and and then the next day too.
43:57
And so I do apologize for being tardy now coming home.
44:00
I now I have my stuff. Certainly didn't find it and I
44:04
wish I took footage. And oh, by the way, he called
44:07
security on me and I love the security.
44:09
So now we're parked and landed. So I said you're going to call
44:12
security to escort me off the plane in this long line.
44:14
Well, let's let's bring it. So as soon as I get out, he made
44:17
sure he told the teacher on me to make sure he controlled the
44:20
narrative so I don't make up any lies before I can even explain
44:23
this. That Sir, before you talk to me,
44:24
you need to wear a mask. All this stuff.
44:25
So anyways, so I went to the restroom right right after I got
44:28
off the plane. And guess who's there?
44:30
In the restroom, alone in the urinal in the back.
44:34
The same guy that was imprisoning me.
44:36
I said this is poetic justice.
44:50
Oh yeah, so he's doing his business.
44:52
I walk right up behind him. And I said.
44:56
Well, well, look who's here. Just you and I.
45:07
And then he sews pain and then he turns around and he goes.
45:10
And then I swear to God, I'm sorry, but I turned into a pale
45:13
white ghost. And I when I realized.
45:15
Oh dear God, this is completely someone else.
45:29
And I said I I said I really want to apologize.
45:33
I I know this is not going to sound believable.
45:35
I really thought you were someone else the the flight
45:37
attendant and and I tried to explain it and just kept getting
45:40
worse and worse and worse. So you know sometimes poetic
45:42
justice comes months and months sometimes never at all.
45:45
But. I don't know if I told you I was
45:58
telling the audience last night on World at War is.
46:03
I got a loud knock on my door yesterday due to what happened
46:11
to me two weeks ago. If you're unaware, I don't think
46:13
you were here is I had cops bang on the door.
46:18
Right. And as I was getting into the
46:20
shower and I'm like, Oh my God, who is out the door please.
46:23
I didn't order a pizza or anything, but it was the cops.
46:26
You know, a cop knock when you hear one.
46:28
And because it was before the show and I got, I was, I was a
46:33
little angry before the show and I was having a discussion on the
46:35
phone. Apparently I was a little louder
46:37
than I thought and it's probably due to the new earbuds.
46:39
And so they said we got complaint of a domestic violence
46:44
happening here and I'm thinking here.
46:47
Wait, who else is here? It's like, yeah, what?
46:50
What am I doing? Hurting myself, I said.
46:53
See Shadow. Boxing again?
46:54
Yeah. Hurting myself.
46:56
And it was the. The weirdest thing because I I
46:59
was like, in AI didn't have any, you know, available towels.
47:01
So I had like this. I don't have on this side.
47:04
Like a sample towel that's, you know, yay.
47:08
And I'm like, you know, exactly a napkin.
47:11
Yes. And they did the typical cop
47:13
thing where they're Are you sure no one's here?
47:15
Then what are these things? I'm like, OK, OK, I I think I
47:22
took criminal justice as well, you know, for for a summer,
47:27
like, OK And he was doing his little, you know, mind games and
47:29
you know, he had cauliflower ears, 'cause, you know, cops are
47:31
MMA fighters these days. So.
47:34
So that happened. So what took place yesterday?
47:37
I got the I'm like, what what do they want again?
47:41
OK, what what? What seems to be happening here?
47:44
What's happening? And so it wasn't the cops this
47:47
time. It was, It was weird.
47:51
Well, it was about a 5 foot 3 gingered haired like.
47:57
Woman 30, Whatever. Something maybe if I don't know
47:59
40. And she goes, hi, I'm your
48:03
neighbor below. I just got dropped off by the
48:05
mental board. Can you help me?
48:07
I'm thinking, Oh my God. I said, Oh my God, they found
48:13
me, the Manson family. Two point O is back.
48:17
So and you know, I was bewildered.
48:21
I'm like, she literally just got dropped off this woman.
48:26
I mean, this is a serious thing. And she had a Ziploc bag, OK?
48:29
She had a Ziploc bag and and it had psych ward SSR drugs.
48:35
In it. The ones that, like, are in the
48:36
the Benadryl casings, like in the foil.
48:40
Still. I asked her.
48:41
I said exactly. Yeah, yeah, like, like they're.
48:45
You know, seeds, candies, you know, like so.
48:49
So I asked her. I said are are, are those the,
48:53
are those the drugs, the SSRI drugs that they gave you?
48:56
She goes. So naturally, I don't know.
49:01
Something you know told me. Have you ever tried mushrooms?
49:08
Better time. To bring it up than the most.
49:11
It's the holistic way, the mushrooms.
49:13
Yeah, that's where I was getting to.
49:15
I was, it's a holistic way, not that I'm selling you anything.
49:18
So she goes. And so she said she just got
49:22
here and and I'm like. You know.
49:26
To to the area or to earth, you know.
49:28
You just got here. And yeah, to this.
49:32
Planet to this planet and she said that she didn't have a she
49:36
didn't have any food and and over the phone and her husband
49:40
took her phone away and she doesn't know where they are and
49:42
she doesn't know what to do next out of all the people.
49:46
To to, you know, she knocked on my door.
49:49
Where I'm like all. Spaced out and my hair's here
49:52
and my shirt's missing. And you know, I was sweating
49:58
profusely for some reason and. When you opened the door, she
50:01
was like Cha Ching. No, she was like, here, you
50:05
might need these. And I said thank you.
50:09
So I'm like, can I, you know? And she's all spaced.
50:13
Out and like, so then I said. Can I get you a loaf of bread?
50:22
Yeah. Can I get you a loaf of bread?
50:26
Which, I mean, what do you say? I mean, I'm thinking of what I
50:29
have. That was pretty good for that
50:32
situation though. Yeah, I don't know what to say.
50:35
Can I get you a Hot Pocket? Just wait 2 minutes, you know?
50:39
Then she's like, Oh no, no, no. Then she starts becoming a
50:42
chooser. No, just a few pages.
50:44
Oh, are you watching the carbs? Yeah, Virginia Wolf, you're
50:50
absolutely correct. It was sketchy.
50:52
Very Manson Family, esque. So.
50:58
So I'm like, you know what? There's this holiday bread I
51:00
haven't eaten. And anyway, so I gave it to her.
51:02
It was like this. And then here you go on your way
51:04
now and go to the recreational room and I'm sure they can help
51:09
you from there. She goes where where is.
51:11
She over there go that way. So she went and that was it.
51:15
And I'm thinking. God, please don't come back.
51:17
Please don't come back. Please don't come back.
51:20
Please. So anyways, about an hour later,
51:24
the door rings the doorbell and goes, you know, and I'm
51:27
thinking, Oh no, it rings, it rings, it rings.
51:31
And I hear that doorbell and I leaped up like the WB frog.
51:34
I just leaped out of my. I said.
51:36
Oh God. No, she's back.
51:38
I knew who it was already. I knew it was.
51:41
It was. And it's not one of those
51:42
incidents, incidents where you can say no one's home.
51:45
Or anything. Or turn your lights off and
51:48
close your blinds, 'cause she just saw me earlier and beneath
51:52
me, now beneath me. And by the way, there was no one
51:55
beneath me for greater part of the year.
51:58
And the last person beneath me was, I swear it was a brothel.
52:02
They were running downstairs. And I I know because when things
52:08
were engaging with, you know, two people, it's like I was
52:11
right there with them. That's when I should have
52:12
visited. It was dirty.
52:14
Yeah. Yeah, yeah, so, so this visitor,
52:16
So the doorbell rings. I get, I get freaked out.
52:20
I leaped. And I said, you know, I do one
52:22
of these things like, I'm Sunny Crockett, you know, And I opened
52:26
the door and I'm like, oh, I forgot I ordered groceries.
52:28
And it says rando check, delivering groceries.
52:31
And I'm like, Oh my God, I'm so happy to see you.
52:36
She was looking at me and she said, are you OK?
52:41
Seems like I'm fine. Then he's like kissing her.
52:45
Yeah, Yeah. So we made out after her.
52:47
No. So, so that happened.
52:51
Now during this whole time, I'm thinking, God, I hope.
52:54
I hope her. Husband or somebody picked her
52:56
up and she goes back to Kansas or whatever.
52:58
And like can I buy you a a plane ticket to Kansas.
53:02
We'll just drop you off or a. Bus Ticket Would you like to
53:05
ride with Greyhound? It did me wonders, would you
53:07
like Greyhound points? So anyways, Fast forward to.
53:11
Today, this morning and first time, there's not a lot of air
53:15
traffic too early. So I'm sleeping fine.
53:18
In around 9:30. Ten, I hear.
53:23
I'm like, oh, dear God, no. And it's one of those things you
53:26
don't know if you heard a knock or if you're still dreaming and
53:29
people are knocking in your dream.
53:31
I was too scared to even look because I I knew it and I I
53:35
could hear the footsteps where it.
53:37
It sounded like. I think I heard it again.
53:39
It sounds like Godzilla up the stairs.
53:43
Yeah, And I'm. I'm pretty damn sure it was her.
53:45
And so I I played possum and hid under my covers like anyone else
53:50
would. Do you remember Bridgette Fonda
53:54
from single white female? Yeah.
53:56
Yeah. Similar situation here is there
53:59
is a psychotic person just feet away from me and I don't know
54:05
what to do about it. And other than.
54:08
Just, I don't know, insulate myself here and and barricade.
54:12
Here's the main factor though, Dean.
54:14
Did she look similar to Brigette Fonda?
54:19
You know, that's what I was weighing out when I was talking
54:22
to her and we were having our first initial interview, is who
54:26
does she remind me of? And I came up.
54:28
So far, all I got was Eric Stoltz.
54:30
She reminds me of Eric Stoltz, a very young Eric Stoltz.
54:33
Yes. If I had a describe.
54:35
Yeah. Yes, yeah.
54:38
I'm telling you, oh God, I don't know who else to say it.
54:42
Bless her heart. That's right.
54:45
So that's been kind of my, my past 24 hours and you know,
54:51
enemy territory, they say.