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Under the Teapot Dome · Very Fine Friends

0:00
so when uh i was in high school like i read that if you if you can mail literally anything as long
0:23
as it has an address, a clear address on it and enough postage to send through the mail.
0:30
And so I wanted to test out this theory.
0:33
So I took a tennis ball, I cut it open and I put a little note inside of it.
0:40
And then I mailed it to my friend and I tried to put as much postage on it as I could, as
0:47
I thought it needed to be sent through the mail.
0:51
and like weeks went by and my friend never got it and so i was like i guess you can't just mail
0:57
anything until it was like two months later the tennis ball showed up at her house are you serious
1:04
yes i i think they were just maybe trying to figure out what to do with it like do we deliver
1:11
this but it had her address on it clearly like i taped paper around it like with the address
1:16
I had tons of stamps on it.
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Like Mr. Weasley style?
1:21
Yes, exactly.
1:23
It was like I didn't know how to mail anything.
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And eventually it got to her.
1:28
You realize that that tennis ball probably either went through bomb screening,
1:34
and that's why it didn't go anywhere,
1:36
or like 10 people in a row were like, what do we do?
1:39
And they're like, wait for Nick.
1:42
Yeah, I feel like that's probably what happened.
1:45
is like they were probably like
1:46
like we
1:48
what do we do with this? Like I really hope they had meetings
1:51
like alright
1:52
the tennis ball conundrum
1:54
we gotta talk about
1:57
this. Do you think they play tennis
1:59
with it?
2:00
I actually would like that
2:03
although I wouldn't like
2:04
them taking my mail and
2:07
doing other things with my mail
2:08
in general. Really?
2:10
Like if I was
2:13
mailing you like a birthday card or something
2:14
if they like took it to the movies with them?
2:17
That would be fine for me.
2:19
You'd be okay with that?
2:20
Yeah, that gives it jjj.
2:21
Gives it pizzazz.
2:23
Do you think your mail has been anywhere
2:25
that it wasn't supposed to be?
2:30
I more so think that people
2:31
who weren't supposed to read my mail
2:32
have read my mail.
2:33
Do you think the post office
2:35
has a special like steam machine
2:37
where they like can open?
2:39
I think it's like anything else
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where after about a month,
2:44
you wouldn't care anymore.
2:47
It's like I can't see someone being like,
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hold on, before I start my shift,
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I gotta hide in this room and read all this mail.
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Yeah, they've read enough boring mail
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that it's like, oh, there's not really anything good.
2:55
Happy birthday from Grandma.
2:57
Great, yeah.
2:57
Cool.
2:59
Oh, good job, Grandma.
3:00
Maybe one person is like a gossip queen.
3:02
Die already, Grandma, geez.
3:05
Yeah.
3:06
I guess if you found that one letter
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that was really spicy,
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you would always read that person's mail.
3:11
Yeah.
3:12
Does the seam trick work?
3:14
I don't know. I've never tried it.
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But I think that's where your wax seal really comes in handy.
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It helps ensure that the post office doesn't read any of your spicy letters.
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You're right.
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By the way, we're selling wax seals.
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Yep.
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Was she grateful for the mail?
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I don't remember.
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Not grateful enough.
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Let's put it that way.
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After all the trouble you went through?
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I should remember.
3:39
I should remember how she reacted.
3:41
Call her. Let's get her on the podcast.
3:42
Kira, if you're listening, and I know you are,
3:45
call in.
3:47
Call it while we're standing by the phones.
3:50
1-800-555-PODCAST.
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Podcast is seven letters.
3:59
We could have made the phone number 1-800-PODCAST.
4:04
No.
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No, no.
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I don't know if that one's taken.
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I don't want to get in trouble.
4:09
Welcome to Friends Like Us.
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a podcast where friends talk about stuff like us yes like us uh before we get into the meat of the
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episode uh regular listeners know but if anyone's listening for the first time our producer joe
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gives at the beginning of each episode gives francis and i a secret each our own secret word
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and we have to somehow subtly slip that secret word into the recording.
4:42
And if the other person can guess the secret word, they get a point.
4:46
And at the end of our lives, these points will accumulate
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and the winner will get some kind of a fabulous prize.
4:54
Here's Joe with today's secret word.
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Jenna's secret word is confluence.
5:02
Francis's secret word is stiletto.
5:05
back to the pod.
5:08
Okay.
5:09
Francis. Hey. How's it going?
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Man, I'm having a great time. Yeah.
5:13
Me too. Beautiful weather.
5:16
Yes, it is.
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Proportionally, or what's...
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Is that the...
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All things considered?
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Relative. Relative?
5:26
Relative? Not proportional.
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I don't know why that was the word that jumped into my mind.
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It's quite proportional
5:32
weather we've been having.
5:34
Yes.
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I don't know if it's like, is it, we've had fewer monsoons.
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I don't know if it's the, but the temperature has been down.
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I don't know if it's the confluence of just cloudiness and, and just the cloudiness.
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I don't know, but it's not as humid, which I'm appreciative of.
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Great.
5:59
Yeah.
6:01
I had something to say to that, but it went away.
6:03
All right.
6:05
Oh, it was the word monsoon.
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It sounds like a French word.
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Like you're saying like my something.
6:10
Ooh, monsoon.
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Yes.
6:12
Yeah, it does.
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I actually don't know the etymology of the word monsoon.
6:20
Oh.
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Is it French?
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I don't know.
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We'll never know.
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I guess we'll find out when we get to it.
6:25
Yeah, we'll never know.
6:26
There's no way to know.
6:26
There's literally no way we can know this.
6:28
Yeah.
6:29
Well, I guess.
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Time to stop caring about it.
6:33
I no longer care.
6:35
So, speaking of monsoons, let's go to the invention of the week.
6:47
Inventions.
6:53
I say speaking of monsoons because I'm assuming that this invention is going to be so good, it's going to be like a storm rolling in.
7:02
Thank you.
7:03
um so this is a practical invention okay good like like our last one too like all of them really
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at their core yeah they're all fixing problems yes and there i guarantee you there's someone
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out there every week that's like yes yes and then they're scrambling for their phone
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yes i dreamed of this um anyway so this invention is a pair of sunglasses that you wear okay but
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it's high tech in that this pair of sunglasses detects it shows you thermal imaging and it has
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an ai lens that reads body language basically the whole point of these sunglasses is they can help
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detect if someone's lying if they're nervous or embarrassed um or if they're being in some way
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not truthful because of what we know about human body language and temperature change and stuff
8:04
like that oh interesting okay this actually oh shockingly is a great idea i mean not shockingly
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they're all great because that's what you said you said actually you teed it up with
8:17
If you were wearing the glasses, you'd know what I was really feeling right now.
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No, I don't mean it like that.
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Okay.
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So, what?
8:28
Okay, because eyes are a big part of that, too, like where someone's looking.
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So, what if they were wearing sunglasses?
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You mean the person that you want to know about?
8:40
Yeah.
8:40
Well, it can read through that.
8:45
Ooh, okay.
8:45
Yeah.
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um so here's a question if these become popular enough which they will right uh and everyone's
8:53
wearing them is this gonna lead to like an like an epidemic of everyone just sitting perfectly
9:02
still and not moving at all when they do anything they're gonna try but there's one thing you need
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to know about human beings they're gonna eventually slip back into the same behavior the same body
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language because they can't here's here's my thing if you ask someone a question okay like
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marv you cheating on me marv and marv locks his limbs to stop any kind of movement whatsoever
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okay i don't need the goggles let's do let's do a scenario like a normal scenario before these
9:33
glasses at a time pre uh yeah bg before glasses all right okay so give me a scenario oh
9:44
So, hey, Linda, I noticed when I opened the fridge earlier that it was completely empty and there's no food in it at all.
9:52
What?
9:54
Yeah, that's true.
9:55
There's no food in there.
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A quick aside to myself.
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Man, I wish there was a way for me to know if Linda was being distruthful.
10:01
Back to Linda.
10:03
Quick aside to myself.
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He looks like he thinks I'm being not truthful, but I don't know why.
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He just made a declarative statement.
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He didn't ask me a question.
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he just said i opened the fridge and saw there was no food in it and i agreed with him so i hope
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he doesn't think i'm being just not truthful about this hey linda in light of your very loud
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aside i feel like i should ask you a question did you take all the food out what
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why why would me linda a professed lover of having lots of refrigerated food take food out of the refrigerator I am shocked and quite frankly hurt that you even asked that of me
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You're right, Linda, and I hate myself for asking.
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This is Linda to myself.
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I got away with it.
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He doesn't know I took all that refrigerated food
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and moved it to a second secret refrigerator that only I have access to,
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because I love refrigerator food so much
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that I have to have a secret refrigerator.
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Linda out.
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This is me to myself.
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That is the best friend I ever had
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and I can't believe I would even go there.
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I don't even know how I'm going to look myself in the face tomorrow.
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I hate myself.
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This is Linda to myself.
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Man.
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And Jeremy looks like he really is starting to hate himself.
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Good.
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I don't want him to get too full of himself.
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He might be my best friend.
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But part of that is me feeling more powerful than Jeremy.
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Linda, out.
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This is Jeremy.
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Dr. Kranz, it's me.
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I think we need to open up therapy again.
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I'm starting to not trust.
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Call me back.
12:01
Jeremy.
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this is linda to linda i hope dr kranz appreciates all the extra pieces i'm sending his way
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i want to cut off all of that action that just more food for me to refrigerate and put in my
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second secret refrigerator
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linda out this is dr kranz
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cha-ching all right you know what i think that's a great invention i think it would work okay thanks
12:36
uh i think actually that would be a i i mean i think everyone would be wearing them if they
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thought it's like you would want to have the same advantage that other people would want to have
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i think that do i want to live in a world where everyone you know that there's no trust because
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everyone's wearing these goggles like no but also i think we just eliminated negotiators
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divorce attorneys we eliminated negotiators so if you're being held hostage
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too bad for you you are going to die but no the goggles will help oh
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so i mean hold on oh yeah oh but what about through the phone phone negotiators phone
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i mean it's not like when when there's a hostage situation the negotiators don't go
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like right into the room with the person that's like the hostage taker it's always through the
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phone and that you know in that special situation room in a van that they set up right outside the
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building don't you think that should change we do everything over the phone should we get to face
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to face we want to meet people where they are yeah has anyone ever just tried hanging up
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wait wait on which end well what i'm saying is let's say you've got someone who's like they've
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got like a they got people like you know in the room like i'm gonna kill him and they're like hold
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on hold on and like the cops are calling if i was talking to like the bad guy and they were like i
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want this and I want that. I'd be like, eh,
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click.
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What are you going to do? Now you're just in the room.
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Call me back
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when you come down.
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So the
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negotiator, their whole thing is
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just, when you're
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in a better mood, give me a call.
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Yeah, I don't know what you want from me.
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And then even though they're trying to tell you
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what they want from you?
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I've got other stuff on my plate right now.
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Yeah.
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I have a whole
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This is a whole other job. This is just a small part of.
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I moonlight as a negotiator. This is not my main job.
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Have you heard of Truth Lens?
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Ooh, is that what we're calling it?
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And it just slipped out. It felt organic, but I don't know how I feel.
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Truth Lens.
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I can see clearly now.
15:02
You can't copyright a title.
15:05
That's true.
15:06
no that is 100% true
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don't fact check that
15:10
it's true
15:11
I could write a book called Harry Potter
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yep
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right now
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I have
15:17
I might have read it
15:19
I wrote a book called Harry Potter and the Philosopher's Stone
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except for in the UK
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it's called Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone
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wow
15:29
you did?
15:30
yeah
15:30
I wrote one called the Bible
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mmm
15:33
I've heard of that
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my good friend Gideon loves to hand that out to people oh yeah anyway well I think this is actually
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a genuine winner if this could be like would the feedback be like like Terminator style like on the
15:50
on the glasses like you'd see like you'd see like on the screen like lying lying yeah like eyes going
15:57
back and forth probably like lying probability 86 percent yeah but then they're they're AI so they
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get to know the people over time so then they they get to know their so you wouldn't have to go up to
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like everybody you meet and be like is your name francis yes okay that's good baseline do you live
16:14
at 123 once yes no i was thinking more like so say you and i are um a couple who's in love and
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we have great chemistry okay um it sounds uh not like it's not a hard stretch for me to get there
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This came so naturally.
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It just fell off my mouth.
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And we wear our goggles around each other.
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It knows that I like to cross my arms.
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This is not negative body language for me.
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This is just who I am.
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But someone else may only do that as a defensive pose.
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So the goggles know that about me.
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So if we're in an argument and you whip your goggles on, and I'm doing that, it's going to take that into account.
16:51
Yeah.
16:51
And, like, it would know, like, it knows that I'm constantly pulling at my collar and going,
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that's not a lying gesture i do i do giant gulps all the time yeah it knows that i sweat
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on a dime um fill my shirt up with sweat and and say what
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yeah and like it would know that uh i make really great eye contact until i'm lying like
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but then i just suddenly start until i'm not lying uh and then i just suddenly start my eyes
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start darting all around the room.
17:27
Exactly.
17:28
It knows that about me.
17:29
It knows.
17:29
Yeah.
17:30
Those are just like weird quirks.
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Yeah.
17:32
And he could probably do other things too.
17:33
Like, you know,
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once the next version rolls around,
17:36
he could probably like be a tour guide for you,
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you know?
17:39
You can like point out things about your city.
17:40
Oh, yeah.
17:43
This location is where
17:45
10 couples broke up due to lies.
17:47
Oh, that kind of a tour guide.
17:49
I would like that tour.
17:51
Like what terrible things
17:53
did lying do in this spot?
17:55
Exactly.
17:56
This is where a couple almost broke up, but they didn't because they could tell they weren't lying.
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Because they both had the goggles.
18:02
All right.
18:03
I love it.
18:04
Very successful.
18:05
Thank you.
18:06
This is another would buy.
18:07
Perfect.
18:08
It's on the website.
18:08
Go to friendslikeuspod.com and get a pair of truth lenses for yourself.
18:16
That wraps up the invention of the week.
18:20
Very successful.
18:21
We're going to make so much money off that.
18:23
It's crazy.
18:24
Yeah.
18:25
See how they're getting better?
18:27
Yeah.
18:27
Yeah.
18:28
I did see that.
18:30
I didn't think you could improve from last week's.
18:33
I thought shark toads was going to be at the peak.
18:37
Yeah.
18:39
But Truth Lens put on some shark toads, cut through that peak, and now poke it out above it.
18:45
You were really paying attention.
18:46
I was.
18:47
Well, I like to know about what I'm going to buy.
18:50
Yeah, me too.
18:51
Sometimes.
18:52
Other times it's like just kidding me.
18:53
well okay it's time for our next segment and i wish i had some truth lenses to know if you
18:57
are ready for that oh are you ready for it francis what yes i'm ready i believe you
19:03
i have no reason not to all right our next segment is crumpets with churchill
19:11
i am winston churchill and these are my crumpets
19:17
This is, as every regular listeners know,
19:24
Francis and I are amateur historians,
19:27
but we basically are professional historians.
19:31
They're amateur only because we don't do it
19:32
as our main source of income,
19:35
but we are historians up there
19:39
with the greatest historians.
19:42
I won't even name one because we all know them.
19:45
They are.
19:46
So why even mention one name?
19:49
But today we'll be talking about the Teapot Dome scandal.
19:54
Oh, good one.
19:55
Yeah.
19:56
One of my all-time favorite scandals.
19:59
Of course, this was when it was right after the Boston Tea Party.
20:08
Which makes sense.
20:09
Right.
20:10
when um a bunch of there was no more tea but there was teapots everywhere they were go they were
20:18
useless now because all of the tea was gone from the boston tea party because they that
20:24
they we all know what happened in that one right right they put it on a boat and sailed it back to
20:31
England famously yes but so now we now in New England uh as it's now known New England uh
20:41
there was just teapots everywhere no tea to be had and so people started repurposing
20:48
their teapots and it led to uh like teapots in really weird places like someone would open a
20:57
door and there'd be a teapot there and they'd be like,
20:59
Oh,
21:00
there's not supposed to be a teapot there.
21:04
And,
21:05
and back in those days too,
21:07
men wore wigs.
21:08
Yes.
21:08
And this was blowing their wigs off their heads.
21:13
They be so surprised that their wigs would just fly off their heads Hence the dome Of course you see how many men were actually bald Yes And so the teapots actually led to this kind of revelation
21:28
that baldness was something that was kind of sweeping the new nation.
21:33
It was a big problem.
21:34
And it was previously unknown that people were follically challenged.
21:40
Yeah.
21:40
Yeah. And also, if I recall correctly, this was the time when everyone started to lose their British accent.
21:47
Yes. When the T got sent back, we started to lose our English roots.
21:53
Yep. And that's where the American accent was basically with basically birthed.
22:01
Well, well, because like the T English breakfast, that's that's how you get that accent.
22:07
Right. And so with that no longer there,
22:10
with people not consuming English breakfast anymore.
22:13
And suddenly it was just like,
22:14
their tongues started feeling different in their mouth.
22:18
And it was just like,
22:19
I want,
22:21
I'm going to take the lift to the second floor.
22:25
That's what they would say before
22:26
when, you know, they'd get in elevators.
22:28
And then suddenly no more tea around.
22:30
And then they're like,
22:31
I'm going to take an elevator to this.
22:34
And then it just like.
22:35
And everyone was like, what?
22:37
What?
22:37
What?
22:38
But it all kind of seemed natural
22:39
Because everyone stopped drinking English breakfast at the exact same time.
22:42
Because that's when all the tea went away.
22:45
So it was like a weird transitional period in history.
22:49
It doesn't get talked about a lot, which is odd to me.
22:51
Yeah.
22:52
That's why our national bird is the bald eagle, by the way.
22:57
Yes.
22:57
He used to have a wig.
23:00
And it was, yes, it was eventually.
23:02
So men were, their wigs were flying off.
23:05
Everyone was realizing that most of these men were bald, just like the eagle.
23:10
But the eagle was meant to represent basically like the men being like, you know what?
23:16
I'm going to say elevator.
23:17
I'm going to say truck instead of lorry.
23:19
I'm going to be bald.
23:20
And I'm going to be bald and I'm going to be proud of it.
23:24
I'm no more bangers and mash here.
23:28
We have sausage.
23:32
And corn.
23:34
Yes.
23:35
Which is famously what bangers and mashes, sausage and corn.
23:40
I thought we were discussing the very American foods that took over.
23:47
Yes, we were doing both.
23:50
Yes.
23:50
It worked on two levels.
23:51
Yes.
23:52
But let's tell them what happened to the tea.
23:56
Because as you know, once tea leaves a port, it cannot be accepted back.
24:00
Yeah.
24:00
It's maritime law.
24:01
the tea actually did
24:04
the tea
24:06
took over
24:08
there was a
24:10
mutiny on the boat
24:12
the tea rose up the tea actually
24:14
formed into
24:15
a bunch of little tea bags formed
24:18
into a giant tea man
24:19
so it moved in unison
24:22
and it was huge
24:24
it was like 9 feet tall
24:26
wide big
24:27
shaped like a Kool-Aid pitcher
24:29
no no it was Svelte
24:31
Oh, that's not the way I heard it.
24:33
Yeah.
24:33
No, no, no.
24:34
Yeah.
24:34
Not like big and round, like not cumbersome.
24:37
I mean, this team bag man could move.
24:40
Took over the ship.
24:42
They tied the captain up in the galley of the boat.
24:48
They turned the ship back around and they're like, we're going back to Boston.
24:52
and they couldn't make it through because legally they can't break through once the satan tea has
25:01
been sent out that's law yeah and that boat is still there just outside of boston to this day
25:06
and the tea and and at night you can see uh at the wheel of the ship you can see the giant teabag
25:13
man just kind of and every now and then he lets out a loud howl only when there's an american bald
25:25
eagle flying nearby and the bald eagle takes that repressed anger back and that's where all fighting
25:35
comes from yep i know if only that t-man hadn't tried to get back in there'd be no war that's why
25:42
gotta follow laws i know you got them uh they're there for a reason people it's to prevent war
25:50
baldness and baldness anyway it's one of my all-time favorite scandals um a lot of people
25:58
don't know about that it's and again it's so weird to me because it's such an integral part
26:02
of the founding of our country and and really the founding of the way people view baldness
26:11
and coffee
26:12
yeah that's true it was a big boon for coffee
26:16
yeah
26:16
bald bean
26:18
I was thinking
26:24
like coffee bean
26:25
yeah
26:26
history's great
26:33
I love it
26:34
I mean well we love it
26:36
we're living in it
26:38
we're making it as we speak
26:40
Yeah.
26:41
Well, any further thoughts about the Teapot Dome scandal?
26:47
I think that people all should know that we came this close to teapots actually being illegalized.
26:57
Oh, my God.
26:57
I can't believe I forgot about that.
26:59
I know.
27:00
The teapots that everyone knows and loves and has around, that almost was not to be.
27:06
but Patrick Henry
27:09
put a stop to that he stood up
27:11
and he said
27:12
you could take my liberty
27:14
but you can't take my teapot
27:16
damn it
27:17
and yeah and it was that final
27:21
it was that actually the emphatic damn it
27:22
at the end that really
27:23
that was profane
27:25
no that was I mean if somebody said that you were like
27:27
you had to go huh
27:28
put down your knitting sticks
27:29
what you had to listen extra
27:33
because that person really meant it
27:36
Because you could actually be hung if you said the word damn it.
27:41
Like they could try.
27:41
Hold on, I gotta try something.
27:42
Damn it, damn it, damn it.
27:44
Not that kind of hung.
27:46
Sorry.
27:49
Worth a try.
27:51
Yeah.
27:52
Well, great.
27:53
Anyway, listeners, sit your kids down.
27:56
Tell them the story of the Teapot Dome scandal.
27:59
And tell them to tell everyone they know.
28:01
Yep.
28:02
And yeah, don't even bother looking at Wikipedia.
28:05
you. That's exactly what we just told you.
28:08
I don't know. I don't know.
28:09
I don't even know why I said that because no one's going
28:11
to.
28:13
Well, I think that wraps up
28:15
Crumpets with Churchill.
28:17
Beautiful.
28:20
I love just getting into history.
28:24
Me too.
28:25
You know, just really like digging in
28:27
and I love when it's friendly
28:29
and people are getting
28:31
along. Yeah, that's my
28:33
favorite kind of history. You almost like
28:35
How are we even hearing about this?
28:36
Why are we even writing this down?
28:37
Yeah, this is so great.
28:38
Yeah.
28:39
It's my favorite kind.
28:41
Um, well, you know what my favorite kind of history is?
28:46
What?
28:47
The kind that gets made when we talk about the big question.
28:54
The question is very big.
28:59
All right, Francis.
29:01
Yep.
29:02
Do you have a big question?
29:03
Yeah, I got a big one.
29:04
Okay.
29:05
Damn it.
29:06
The question is, are you familiar with Gordon Ramsay?
29:12
Yes.
29:13
He's the British gentleman who yells at everybody and calls them donkeys.
29:17
Yeah, that's him.
29:18
Yeah.
29:19
Allegedly.
29:21
Well, no, on film.
29:24
Famously, not allegedly.
29:26
Okay, all right.
29:28
Well, anyway, here's my question to you.
29:30
let's say you wake up and you're in the middle of like one of those cooking
29:37
shows where it's like a contest.
29:38
Okay.
29:39
You don't know how you got there,
29:40
but you're in the contest and no one's listening to you.
29:43
If you're like,
29:43
I shouldn't be here.
29:44
It's like,
29:44
shut up.
29:45
You're here.
29:45
Okay.
29:47
You have to invent a sandwich to blow the judge's socks off on the fly.
29:53
And it can't be like a normal sandwich that you've had before.
29:56
And if you don't come up with something good,
29:58
something horrible will happen.
30:01
Tea in America horrible.
30:03
Ugh.
30:05
That's bad.
30:06
Yeah.
30:06
Okay.
30:07
So I need you to basically invent
30:09
a sandwich right now
30:11
that would
30:12
that Gordon Ramsay would be nice about.
30:15
Alright.
30:16
Start with the bread.
30:18
Bread
30:19
is actually
30:21
two egg rolls.
30:25
Okay.
30:26
Yeah.
30:27
Two egg rolls.
30:28
yeah regular egg rolls not southwest egg rolls or any kind of variance there okay um there's a
30:34
timer also uh gordon stop looking at me no uh what do i do he's making he's doing this with his fist
30:40
he's getting ready to punch me yeah okay i think definitely the bread is egg rolls uh because
30:46
everything like egg roll material or like full-blown egg roll full egg rolls so two egg rolls got it
30:54
Um, then inside, uh, is more egg rolls.
31:03
It's, um, it's a pork belly fried egg.
31:11
Yeah.
31:12
Another egg roll, a layer of egg roll.
31:15
Then on top of that is a Caesar salad.
31:20
Oh, wow.
31:24
Then another egg roll layer.
31:28
And then a...
31:31
And then a ribeye and horseradish sauce.
31:36
Are we in four egg rolls?
31:39
Yes.
31:39
Okay.
31:41
I just want to see if I got this right.
31:42
They're layers.
31:43
Egg roll?
31:44
Egg roll.
31:44
Pork belly.
31:45
Pork belly?
31:46
Egg roll.
31:46
Fried egg.
31:47
Fried egg.
31:47
Egg roll.
31:48
Caesar salad.
31:50
Caesar salad.
31:51
Egg roll?
31:52
Egg roll.
31:52
And then a closing egg roll And then a red roll on top Now I am going to call this sandwich All in a Day Work
32:08
That's the name of it?
32:09
Yes, because it contains all three meals plus the egg rolls are appetizers.
32:16
Oh.
32:17
So you've got your breakfast on the bottom.
32:19
You've got your lunch in the middle.
32:21
You've got your dinner on top.
32:24
And capping it all off, delicious egg rolls.
32:27
I'm just, this sounds interesting.
32:29
I'm not saying I wouldn't try it because I would.
32:31
Okay.
32:32
But egg rolls are cylindrical.
32:35
Yes.
32:37
How?
32:37
Okay.
32:38
I know.
32:38
I know.
32:39
Bear with me.
32:40
Okay.
32:41
You can flatten an egg roll.
32:44
Oh.
32:44
So, like I'm thinking, you take an egg roll, you panini press it.
32:48
Oh.
32:49
So you got that nice crisp.
32:51
Yeah.
32:51
And then it gives you more surface area.
32:53
It's like a ribeye is going to take a lot of room.
32:54
Right.
32:54
I mean, these are very narrow.
32:56
This is a very narrow sandwich, right?
32:59
Yeah.
32:59
Okay.
33:00
Yeah.
33:00
I don't want to be excessive.
33:03
Yeah.
33:03
It's tall.
33:04
Yeah.
33:06
Tall and narrow?
33:08
Yeah.
33:09
Okay.
33:12
Yeah.
33:12
I mean, I think that would be impressive.
33:17
Okay.
33:17
Do you think...
33:18
It covers every meal?
33:19
Oh, and there's an optional dipping sauce of melted ice cream.
33:27
What flavor?
33:30
Mint chocolate chip.
33:32
Of course.
33:33
That's just if you want dessert.
33:35
Not everybody's a dessert person.
33:36
Well, it's kind of like a palate cleanser, too, between nights.
33:38
Yeah, with the mint, definitely.
33:39
And if you're going from breakfast to dinner.
33:42
Well, no, you get all three of them in one bite.
33:44
Oh, that's not how I bite it.
33:46
You eat your sandwiches layer by layer?
33:50
Yeah, when they include such wide varieties of items as ribeye and Caesar salads.
33:56
So you're going to deconstruct my sandwich and just apportion it into different...
34:00
No.
34:01
I also have a rule with the all in a day's work that you have to eat all of it at the same time.
34:09
You have to take a bite.
34:10
You have to eat from top egg roll to bottom egg roll with each bite.
34:14
Is there any chance that you just looked at a Chili's menu and picked a bunch of stuff off of it and put it together?
34:21
Chili's wishes.
34:22
Chili's wishes.
34:23
It's going to be on their next holiday menu.
34:27
Chili's, if you're listening and we know you are, do not steal my sandwich.
34:32
Don't steal my sandwich idea.
34:35
It's mine.
34:37
Yeah, and I'm a lawyer, if you remember from episode one.
34:40
That's correct.
34:42
Basically a lawyer.
34:44
You want to go the way of Mimi's Cafe?
34:50
Yeah, that's right.
34:51
What do you think did that?
34:52
Me.
34:53
Mimi.
34:56
Mimi crossed us once.
34:59
She didn't get a chance to do it twice.
35:00
Yeah, now she's got one star on Google outside the mall.
35:04
Yeah, she's living outside the mall.
35:08
Everyone's worst nightmare.
35:12
Thank you.
35:13
that's my sandwich what do you think i would try it everyone would try it if that was on a menu
35:18
it's like what is this yeah give it to me um so do you think gordon ramsay would not hit me i know
35:25
he was off to the side waiting to punch me i think you unfortunately are probably battered
35:30
he doesn't seem i feel like this is tough gordon ramsay he makes his living off of
35:38
saying no to everybody.
35:42
You're set up to fail.
35:43
Yeah.
35:44
Yeah.
35:45
But in general,
35:46
I think I would at least give him pause.
35:50
It would be at least like a,
35:52
I've never seen a sandwich like this before.
35:55
And if someone else took a bite first,
35:56
he might feel pressured to,
35:57
like,
36:00
be open-minded.
36:01
Yeah.
36:02
And that's really all I would want.
36:04
Just give it a favor.
36:04
Gordon.
36:05
Eat my horseradish,
36:07
ribeye,
36:08
Caesar.
36:08
egg roll.
36:11
Yeah, Gordon, we know you're listening.
36:13
He's a friend of the pod.
36:15
Hey, G-Dog.
36:17
Come on, man.
36:18
Just give it a shot.
36:19
That's all I ask.
36:21
Yeah, well, he will.
36:22
He has to.
36:23
That's the bargain.
36:25
Okay, but don't do it just because you have to.
36:27
I want you to give it a shot because you want to.
36:30
Remember when you were new to this
36:32
and food was your new love?
36:35
Yeah.
36:35
We need you to approach it with those kind of heart eyes.
36:39
Do you remember the first time you called someone a donkey?
36:43
And you wished, like, you were scared about it.
36:46
You were worried.
36:47
Yeah, like, did I go too far?
36:48
Yeah.
36:49
I hope they give this insulting word a chance.
36:53
And you know what they did?
36:54
The world embraced you.
36:55
And that's all I'm looking for.
36:57
Yeah, embrace.
36:58
Dip your meat in some ice cream.
37:01
Just try it.
37:03
Just try it.
37:05
why are you being so stubborn about this?
37:07
You don't know how good something is until you experience it.
37:10
I've always wanted to invent a food.
37:14
Like a combination of food that no one's tried before
37:18
and it like blows your mind.
37:20
Yeah.
37:21
Well, you'll get there someday like me.
37:24
Well, you know like the first person who like put olive juice in a martini?
37:28
That had to be a fun day.
37:30
Oh, yeah.
37:31
Fun night.
37:33
They don't remember it.
37:35
But they look back on it fondly.
37:37
Yeah, that's the sort of legacy I want to leave behind.
37:39
Yeah.
37:40
You'll get there someday.
37:42
Thank you.
37:42
You'll join me in the pantheon of people that have invented food combinations.
37:46
Oh, I can't wait to eat that.
37:51
Yeah, well, all right.
37:52
Thank you.
37:53
Gordon, you can't wait to eat it either.
37:55
Just be honest with yourself.
37:56
Hey, Gordon, eat it.
37:59
Well, anyway, that's my answer.
38:01
Okay, thank you.
38:02
did you have any thoughts on a sandwich um yes okay one time i went to claim jumper a long time
38:11
ago and they had a honey chicken brie sandwich and it's gone now and i thought honey brie and
38:22
chicken should go together yeah so i'm gonna steal that okay you're laying claim to it
38:28
claim jumping in.
38:30
Yeah.
38:31
What are you going to do?
38:33
Anyway,
38:34
so that would be my base.
38:36
And then at another place,
38:37
I had a goat cheese and fig compote.
38:43
But then when I was at home,
38:44
I had goat cheese and avocado whipped together.
38:49
And so I'm like,
38:50
honey chicken brie,
38:51
probably will go better with the
38:53
first one I said.
38:57
Fig and goat cheese.
38:58
Yeah.
38:58
So that's my spread.
39:00
And then the bread you can choose.
39:02
But if I had to serve it to Gordon.
39:04
Egg rolls.
39:05
Of course.
39:06
I was going to say crab rangoons, but.
39:08
Ooh, those are good too.
39:10
Yeah.
39:11
So yeah, it's the rangoon jumper.
39:17
I like it.
39:18
I would definitely try it.
39:19
Thank you.
39:21
I don't think it's going to sweep the nation like mine is, but.
39:23
Yours is so sensational.
39:26
Yeah.
39:27
Oh.
39:28
Well, I'll see what Gordon says.
39:31
We'll make them both.
39:33
And the loser gets a teapot.
39:37
The loser gets bald.
39:42
Loser goes bald.
39:45
Oh, man, the stakes are high.
39:47
It's like your sandwich.
39:51
If I ever go bald, I want it to be like Ben Franklin style.
39:56
I have long hair on the sides
39:59
Oh I was going to say that someone put your picture on money
40:01
Have you heard?
40:04
That's what we call
40:05
Franklin style
40:06
Alright I think
40:09
That wraps up
40:10
The big question
40:12
The big question
40:13
Well we only have time for one final thing
40:17
On the show and that is
40:19
To figure out if we could
40:21
Guess the other person's
40:23
Secret word
40:24
Oh my god I didn't say mine
40:26
oh i wrote down suggestions too and i totally forgot well well i mean if only you had just
40:36
one or two more sentences to say i i don't know what to say this whole thing has been like a
40:42
stiletto in my heart all right i'm gonna guess that your secret word is heart
40:48
no and now you're out of guesses no why and i i'll only have one guess i can't believe i forgot
40:57
uh i actually am worried that you are going to guess because you started writing something down
41:04
right around the time that i said it is it confluence it's confluence
41:08
i got it but because i didn't say my word i feel like i can't get a point
41:14
okay that's fair right you you get a point for guessing the word but you lost a point for not
41:21
shoot so you're net so you're not i got one uh i know oh i can't afford a pair of stilettos
41:30
oh you're right uh so oh you can only afford one stiletto
41:37
damn what a bummer sorry i biffed it i thank god for me i i was so worried i was like he's
41:44
he knew what it was he knew my word i'd said it too obviously and then you i saw you start writing
41:53
maritime is that what you wrote down i wrote down maritime allegedly a nightmare
41:58
the other one was horseradish for me uh no i just like horseradish sauce i genuinely want it on a
42:06
sandwich and you'll have it and so will gordon whether he wants it or not but he wants it gordon
42:11
you want it yeah the real question is which one of us is going to be bald find out at
42:16
friends like us pod.com where there will be a picture of the baldy
42:21
all right everyone thanks for listening bye
42:36
you