Latest / The Gill Athletics Track and Field Connections Podcast / #92: Gill1918 Presents Coach & Author Dave Emeott “Winning is Hard/Parents are Crazy” Powered by Coach O

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#92: Gill1918 Presents Coach & Author Dave Emeott “Winning is Hard/Parents are Crazy” Powered by Coach O · The Gill Athletics Track and Field Connections Podcast

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  Welcome to the Gill 1918 Project, a podcast series by
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  coaches for coaches, powered by Gill Athletics.
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  Think of it as the Ted Talks of track and field coaching.
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  Short, insightful, and packed with valuable strategies to help
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  you grow as a coach. This episode is part of the
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  Youth and Beginner Series, brought to you by Coach O.
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  In this series, we focus on topics relating to coaching
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  youth athletes, coaching beginner athletes of any age,
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  and supporting brand new coaches as they find their way.
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  With that in mind, let's grow. I never say good luck to someone
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  unless I truly believe they need it.
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  Instead I say have fun. Luck is a double edged sword.
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  Sure it might have hand you a victory through a break going
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  your way or through someone else's misfortune, but luck
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  cheapens winning and in my eyes the feeling of victory should
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  never be tainted by the idea that you just got lucky.
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  My name is Dave M, Athletic Director and Boys track and
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  field coach at East Kentwood High School in the Grand Rapids,
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  MI. Over the years we've won
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  hundreds of dual meets, dozens of conference championships.
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  We were recently on an 18 year winning streak for regional
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  championships. We won eight state titles, even
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  won a national championship back in 2010.
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  And not once have I ever felt like luck was the reason that we
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  won. Winning is really, really hard.
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  Winning is what happens when competence and confidence align
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  perfectly. It's the byproduct of days,
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  weeks, months, and even years of training.
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  Everyone wants to win, but not everyone is willing to pay the
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  price that winning requires. When preparation and performance
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  meet expectations, the victory brings joy, pride, and often
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  relief. Relief that on this day, in
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  these conditions, your athletes rose to the standard.
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  As an AD, I talked with coaches constantly about turning
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  programs around. Taking a team from a bad program
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  to an average team takes time, planning and the right people.
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  But moving from average to great is far more difficult.
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  At the top, everyone is talented, everyone is organized,
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  everyone is motivated. Everyone wants to win.
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  Great teams don't get lucky. Great teams work tirelessly.
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  That's why before every competition, I tell our athletes
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  we're here to have fun. And the most thing, the the most
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  fun thing about us, about sports is winning.
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  Of course, the opposite of winning is agony, falling short
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  of your expectations. That's when we get back to the
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  drawing board, refine our plan, and keep working toward the same
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  goal that everyone else is chasing.
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  We either win or we learn. We will always learn something
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  from an experience, and if we need to fail to improve, so be
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  it. Fail forward is a strategy.
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  Waste no opportunities, good or bad.
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  A great coach can make a a winning situation out of
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  anything. If you if you, if you lost,
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  there was a reason why you lost and This is why it's going to
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  turn into a better situation moving forward.
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  If you won, we won and we're happy that we won, but we have
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  to keep driving ourselves in that same direction.
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  In a sport like track and field, where the there are both team
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  and individual competitions, it's important to remember
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  winning is hard in the 100 meter dash might be 80 kids in a
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  competition and only one crosses the line first, the other 79,
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  don't we? So we choose to celebrate
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  measurable improvements, all the small victories along the way at
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  each at each at East Kettle on High School, we built a culture
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  of intentional celebration. We we intentionally go out of
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  our way to make sure we make a big deal out of every little bit
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  that we've improved. At the end of the meet, every
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  athlete stays until the end. Initially, this frustrated some
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  parents when I started this years ago, but it but it created
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  a powerful tradition. At the end.
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  We debrief, highlight stand out efforts and most importantly,
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  athletes call out their teammates success.
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  The peer-to-peer recognition became one of the most
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  meaningful parts of our program. As 180 boys sit in the stands.
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  I generally walk up to the crowd and I go, hey, what a great
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  night. We had a lot of amazing things.
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  I saw some amazing things out there today, but what did you
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  see? And, and Johnny will say, oh, I
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  saw Jimmy run a great 1600 And Jimmy will say, I saw Johnny,
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  you know, high jump 6 foot 4 today or whatever it is.
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  And this goes on for, you know, it probably goes on 5-10
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  minutes. Sometimes it goes on and feels
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  like a little too long, but kids are excited and they feel just a
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  little bit taller. Another another way that we
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  celebrate our team is is at the 4x4.
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  The 4 by 4 is the best event in the track.
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  Meet it. It always ends the day and we
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  make sure because we have our whole team there, they haven't
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  packed up and left like like sometimes is the case.
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  Our team is standing on the backstretch if if, if possible
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  in the infield, if that's the place at the venue allows that.
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  And they go crazy yelling for the relay and they run back and
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  forth. And what that does for our 4 by
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  4 is it not only makes us better, it celebrates the fact
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  that that you were you made it to the four by four.
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  And every one of those other kids, they want to be part of
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  the four by four because they know this is their opportunity
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  to be a highlight in the in the show that is track and field.
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  We have a giant PR belt that we put at the 50 yard line.
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  Think like old school front porch dinner bell.
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  It's our bells, probably even a little bit bigger than that.
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  We wheel it out to the middle of the field and whenever somebody
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  has a personal record, they go over and ring the bell.
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  We make sure we have live scoring at all of our home
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  meets. So right away someone knows
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  either by their phone or it's on their Jumbotron that says you
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  know what their times are. And throughout the day, it
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  doesn't matter rain or shine or cold, that bell is ringing
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  because we have 180 kids doing 2 to 3 events.
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  And when you hear that bell ring, I tell the kids, hey,
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  somebody's having a good day. You might not be having a good
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  day, but I just heard somebody got APR, somebody's having a
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  good day. And so it, it kind of eases that
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  thought that, oh, it's a terrible day and everybody's
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  doing terrible. No, I've heard the bell quite a
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  few times. We, we bought a couple of PR and
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  winter belts. We have these WWE style belts
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  that our kids wear proudly and so one of them says PR and it's
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  silver and the other one says winner and it's gold.
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  And we put them right there by the PR bell.
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  And so if they won an event or they won a heat, they go over
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  and they grab the belt and they put it around their neck or
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  their waist or over their shoulder, whatever they do.
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  And they they take pictures with it and they post it on their on
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  their Snapchat and Instagram and everything else.
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  Same thing with the PR belt. Always, always a great way just
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  to celebrate the little things because we want to celebrate the
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  journey. Our girls team has a great
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  tradition, our girls team. The day after a track meet,
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  Coach Stevenson brings out a bag of little mini Snickers bars and
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  for every PR she mentions her name and gives them a Snickers
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  bar. It is it is a terrific
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  tradition. It takes a long time and it's
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  somebody who coaches girls pole vaulters.
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  I've I've had to delay my practice for sometimes for some
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  time because it of the ceremony, but the kids are always so
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  happy. It's it's well worth it.
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  Winning is hard. Everyone wants it.
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  Not everyone gets to win. Even if you do your very best,
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  you can fall short. But if you celebrate the
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  progress, build intentional traditions, and make sure every
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  athlete feels seen, you'll keep them moving forward towards
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  greatness. So when I tell my athletes have
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  fun, it's not a throwaway line, it's a reminder.
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  The most fun thing in sports is winning, and the road to winning
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  is built on daily improvement. Have you ever met someone new at
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  a gathering and thought, wow, this person seems sharp
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  grounded, Someone I'd like to spend more time with, Maybe even
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  nudge your wife and say hey, maybe we should hang out with
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  these guys. They seem really cool.
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  And then they start talking about their kid and sports or
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  dance or whatever their child is into and suddenly I realize I'm
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  no longer talking to a rational adult I just met.
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  I'm talking to a completely biased, totally irrational, head
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  over heels and love parent. I'm Dave Amiot.
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  I'm a head boys track and field coach at East Kentwood High
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  School. Been coaching for over 30 years,
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  current Co athletic director and my conclusion after all of this
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  time in athletics is simple. All parents are crazy.
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  Not all the time, but when it comes to their kids, they're
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  almost absolutely insane. Crazy.
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  We love our kids, I love mine. Shout out to Colton, Macy, and
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  Reece more than I can describe. From the moment they were born I
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  knew I'd give my life for them. I I've also survived sleepless
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  nights, dirty diapers, being thrown up on, and and more
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  frustration than I can can handle from anyone else in the
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  world. But for my kids, because I love
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  them so much, it all seemed like no big deal.
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  That's what makes parenting such a paradox.
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  This unconditional love creates A bias so strong it clouds our
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  judgement. We see our kids not as as they
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  are, but as we wish them to be. And, and when I hear parents
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  talk about their child in ways that doesn't doesn't quite match
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  reality, I don't roll my eyes anymore.
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  I just remind myself I'm talking to someone who is crazy in love
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  with their child. I I once heard an old school AD
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  joke about the the best place to be a coach and the best place to
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  be an AD as an orphanage. And I'll admit that that thought
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  has crossed my mind a time or two.
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  But here's the truth. Every athlete we coach is the
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  product of both nature and nurture.
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  Their parents shaped them long before we ever met them, and
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  those parents will still be in their lives long after they move
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  on. So yes, parents can be over the
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  top, but from the child's perspective, that parent is
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  their number one advocate. Their ride or die.
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  Even now, my own mom will back me up on anything I'm passionate
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  about. That doesn't stop when is 18
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  years old. I'm I'm 50 and she would still
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  tell you that I'm I'm the smartest and I'm most attractive
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  and the best, best looking and and maybe she even thinks I'm
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  the tallest. I don't, I don't know.
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  But but my mom loves me and she's always going to back me
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  up. When when my oldest son, Colton
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  was was playing high school football, I became that parent.
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  I became the fanatical fan. I went to the games and I
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  watched only him. If he was a receiver, I watched
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  every step of his route and and even through the place.
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  I don't know if you've ever done that, but that's really not
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  really what a logical person does when they go to the
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  football game usually. Hey, did you see him hike the
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  ball? Did see him throw the ball?
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  You see that guy catch the ball, they see the ball go on the end
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  zone. You, you're watching the ball
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  and, and that's how we watch football.
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  But when your kids on the field, you are, you are watching just
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  your kid play right tackle or or whatever position it is because
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  you're head over heels in love with your son.
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  I, I find myself thinking, why didn't the ref call that cheap
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  shot behind the player? Why don't they throw the ball at
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  him? He's, he's wide open.
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  Now, logically, I knew, you know, because I've been in this
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  business a long, long time. I knew officials, they can't see
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  everything. I knew coaches had their
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  reasons, but the parents side of me, me was completely
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  irrational. And that's me, a guy with
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  decades of coaching and athletic director experience.
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  And I was crazy. Now, luckily I was a smart
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  enough guy to, to know to just keep my mouth shut and sit in
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  the stands and, and, and try to keep my emotions under control.
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  So nobody else saw me. But not everybody has that
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  filter as, as we know, if you've ever been to a high school
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  football game and even, yes, track and field.
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  So if I can't always balance my emotions, what can I really
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  expect from parents who are experiencing youth sports for
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  the very first time, or from parents who who have coached
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  their child their whole lives and now they're handing them off
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  to someone new? The truth is simple.
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  All parents are crazy in love with their kids.
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  That blinding, unwavering love sometimes pushes out rational
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  thought. But here's the good news.
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  Most parents are rational in every other part of their life.
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  The key is to talk with them when things aren't heated.
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  To set expectations before emotions run high.
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  Here are a few things that I've learned over the years that I
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  would that I would pass on to my fellow track and field coaches.
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  Build relationships early. Get to know the parents the
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  season early in the season or early in the child's career,
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  maybe before they get to your school.
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  Maybe when they're in middle school, you, you as a as a coach
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  that's in the know. You probably know who these
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  parents are going to be because you've kind of seen them in the
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  stands and you've heard from the middle school coaches who these
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  parents are. It's always a good idea to get
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  ahead of the game. Start talking, building
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  relationships with those guys early so that when things aren't
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  going well, you can you know how to communicate in a in a good
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  way. Hold a preseason parent meeting.
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  Make sure you're clear about your communications in that
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  parent meeting. This is how we're going to
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  handle things so that so things are all spelled out.
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  Give them information upfront. Calendars, travel times, uniform
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  policies, playing time, expectations.
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  Be specific and leave little room for interpretation.
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  Create a cooling off period. If a parent's not very happy
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  about how you handle the situation, you, you change
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  somebody out of the four by 4 you you had to, you know, talk
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  to a kid sternly about their behaviors and A and a parent
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  wants to have that conversation way back at your parent meeting.
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  Let them know that we're not going to have any conversations
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  about the the contest that we were in today for 24 hours.
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  That gives that parent some time to really think about what they
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  want to say so they're not emotional.
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  Maybe gives you some time to cool off too.
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  Even as coaches, I know we get excited sometimes.
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  Set the rules of engagement. If controversy arises, at least
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  everyone knows how it will be handled.
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  We're going to do this in a in a good loving way.
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  We know we we care about the kid.
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  We're going to take some time to cool off.
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  What whatever you think is going to help you to get through
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  these, you know, hard conversations, make sure you set
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  those well in advance. Will problems go away
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  completely? No, but clear expectations and
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  strong relationships to make them manageable.
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  So yes, all parents are crazy crazy in love with their kids.
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  And as coaches, our job is not to fight that love, but to
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  understand it, work with it, and guide it toward the best
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  possible experience for the athletes we share.
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  If this message resonates with you, you'll love my upcoming
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  book, Beyond the Finish Line, The Art of Transformational
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  Coaching. It's filled with stories,
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  lessons and practical strategies for parents, coaches and leaders
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  who want to move past wins and losses and focus on what truly
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  lass character, relationships and transformational impact.
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  Hey gang, Mike Cunningham here. Thanks for joining us for this
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  episode in the Youth and beginner series Powered by Coach
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  O Powered by Coach O is more than a platform.
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  It's a movement to benefit track and field by supporting coaches,
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  athletes, parents, officials and event directors in countless
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  ways. Find out more and get yourself
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  plugged in to the Powered by Coach O by visiting coacho.com
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  today.