Latest / Mic Drop Comedy / Tampa Funny Bone Crowd Work Pack_ Part 3

Transcript

Tampa Funny Bone Crowd Work Pack_ Part 3 · Mic Drop Comedy

• 0:01
  Speaker 1: You remember? You just walked up like... And she was like,
• 0:05
  Speaker 1: oh my God! I think, are you, you good? We
• 0:07
  Speaker 1: can chit chat? Okay, because that motherfucking, what you got
• 0:32
  Speaker 1: going on, sir? I'm proud of you. Okay.
• 0:36
  Speaker 2: What you say, babe? You waiting on six more? Oh,
• 0:42
  Speaker 2: six more inches of dick? That's not what I was
• 0:46
  Speaker 2: proud of you for. I don't know what the fuck
• 0:48
  Speaker 2: he talking about. Yeah, I'm still waiting on some more
• 0:50
  Speaker 2: dick myself.
• 0:51
  Speaker 1: Like, what, sir? You're not going to get it from me?
• 0:52
  Speaker 1: The fuck?
• 0:54
  Speaker 2: What I'm talking about is your girl's biggest titties.
• 0:58
  Speaker 1: Yeah, damn. Shit. What letter is that? That's crazy.
• 1:06
  Speaker 2: You need to give back to the community. Suwala up
• 1:09
  Speaker 2: there heard like, you should share some of them goddamn titties.
• 1:14
  Speaker 1: How many children? What, what?
• 1:17
  Speaker 2: Itch. Can you do me a favor? Could you stand
• 1:21
  Speaker 2: up so people know what I'm tripping on? Look at
• 1:32
  Speaker 2: all the married men. I ain't look, I don't even
• 1:36
  Speaker 2: know what, I didn't even see that tattoo in the middle.
• 1:39
  Speaker 2: I don't even know. This woman, man, you did well
• 1:45
  Speaker 2: for yourself.
• 1:45
  Speaker 1: 17 years? Okay, that's it.
• 1:49
  Speaker 2: And so how'd you meet? She was just breastfeeding the village.
• 1:57
  Speaker 2: In a truck club? Y'all drive trucks?
• 2:01
  Speaker 1: You do?
• 2:02
  Speaker 2: She was just hanging out at the truck club? Like
• 2:05
  Speaker 2: a lot lizard? What does that even mean? There's a
• 2:10
  Speaker 2: club of truckers, and she was like, hi, everybody. And
• 2:14
  Speaker 2: you're like, that's my wife. That's my wife. With the
• 2:18
  Speaker 2: Leo DiCaprio, huh? And so what's your name, trucker man?
• 2:23
  Speaker 1: Adam? Outstanding. And? Sierra. Okay, so Sierra, do you have
• 2:40
  Speaker 1: to work anymore?
• 2:42
  Speaker 2: No?
• 2:43
  Speaker 1: What you used to do? You did? In the infirmary?
• 2:49
  Speaker 2: Used to take all them precious little babies out to
• 2:52
  Speaker 2: NICU and put your in they mouth?
• 2:55
  Speaker 1: It might go from 2.5 to 18 pounds right away.
• 2:58
  Speaker 2: You're like, that baby don't need to be a NICU
• 3:00
  Speaker 2: no more. He done ate off this big jumbo motherfucking titty.
• 3:04
  Speaker 1: That titty crazy. Her titties, wow. She go to the bathroom,
• 3:10
  Speaker 1: she wipe her ass and her titties. She's like, shit.
• 3:13
  Speaker 1: That's a big motherfucker.
• 3:18
  Speaker 2: Your back hurt right now. It's burning up. The whole
• 3:21
  Speaker 2: middle of your back on fire. You got scoliosis, you
• 3:24
  Speaker 2: got this.
• 3:26
  Speaker 1: That's crazy. So you were the trucker. How long you
• 3:29
  Speaker 1: been doing that? You don't drive. You just in a
• 3:33
  Speaker 1: truck club with no truck? Oh, like. Oh, you're in
• 3:39
  Speaker 1: a pickup truck club. You were. And you're like, you
• 3:43
  Speaker 1: know what? I need to get me a sedan.
• 3:46
  Speaker 2: OK.
• 3:47
  Speaker 1: And so she was just out there hanging out. She's like,
• 3:49
  Speaker 1: who has a dually? How'd you get her? Like, what
• 3:54
  Speaker 1: did you say? You remember? You just walked up.
• 3:59
  Speaker 2: Like, and she was like, oh my God, what the fuck?
• 4:05
  Speaker 2: Welcome to the truck club, bitch. Former line, everybody gonna
• 4:11
  Speaker 2: tell you. I don't know why I'm like that. This
• 4:21
  Speaker 2: is what y'all wanted. Well, you do got some nice. Congratulations.
• 4:30
  Speaker 2: They been big your whole life? Like you was a
• 4:31
  Speaker 2: big baby? You had the biggest in school? They used
• 4:36
  Speaker 2: to call you down like, that's big.
• 4:40
  Speaker 1: Hell yeah. Man, we had this girl named Big Michelle,
• 4:43
  Speaker 1: this Mexican girl. She didn't have no ass. SpongeBob body.
• 4:49
  Speaker 1: But in sixth grade, them came in large. I was
• 4:54
  Speaker 1: like 13. I'm like, this is the biggest goddamn thing
• 4:56
  Speaker 1: I've ever seen in my life. You want to play tetherball?
• 5:03
  Speaker 1: I used to have that, I used to be hitting that.
• 5:05
  Speaker 1: That ball be like, oh my God, I can't, I
• 5:09
  Speaker 1: can't hit it. I'm like, oh.
• 5:14
  Speaker 2: Some of my first jack offs was big Michelle. That's
• 5:22
  Speaker 2: back when I was shooting blanks.
• 5:23
  Speaker 1: Remember that, fellas? Oh, just me and him? Fuck the
• 5:28
  Speaker 1: rest of y'all. I like you, because you don't give
• 5:31
  Speaker 1: a fuck. All of them are like, wait, I can't
• 5:33
  Speaker 1: laugh at everything. My wife is here.
• 5:34
  Speaker 2: Remember when you were young and you jacked off and
• 5:36
  Speaker 2: you didn't get no color? You used to go like that.
• 5:40
  Speaker 2: That bitch like spit with no nothing. You remember the
• 5:44
  Speaker 2: day that.
• 5:44
  Speaker 1: Bitch turned white.
• 5:45
  Speaker 2: You're like, I'm a grown-ass fucking man now. I'll get
• 5:48
  Speaker 2: somebody pregnant. Your mom was like, go to bed.
• 5:52
  Speaker 1: You go to bed. My nut is white. This is
• 5:59
  Speaker 1: what you wanted. Trenton's like, I can't post none of
• 6:05
  Speaker 1: this shit. I'm up here. We'll post it somewhere. We'll
• 6:08
  Speaker 1: find somewhere to put it. You know what I'm saying?
• 6:13
  Speaker 1: I wish I could have them days back. Go back
• 6:16
  Speaker 1: to the bus and there's no emergency after. Shit. Y'all
• 6:23
  Speaker 1: know Costco got plan B's for $ 6.
• 6:24
  Speaker 2: 24?
• 6:25
  Speaker 1: Look at the little hoes. Like, yes, we know. We know.
• 6:32
  Speaker 2: We take them before we f * * *. We
• 6:33
  Speaker 2: don't even give a f * * *. Plan B
• 6:35
  Speaker 2: is plan A. It was on TikTok. They done told everybody.
• 6:42
  Speaker 2: They gonna raise the price on us.
• 6:46
  Speaker 1: Yeah, $ 6. 24. You don't got to pay $ 54 no more, man.
• 6:48
  Speaker 1: You go to Costco. But they're ours. It goes at
• 6:57
  Speaker 1: 6 o'clock. You be outside like, open this mother up.
• 7:01
  Speaker 1: I'm on my 71st hour.
• 7:05
  Speaker 2: Did you know Plan B don't even work if you
• 7:07
  Speaker 2: over 150 pounds?
• 7:10
  Speaker 1: Big girls got to take two. You knew that, huh?
• 7:14
  Speaker 1: You got to read the box.
• 7:15
  Speaker 2: If you over 150 pounds, they'll be like, this shit
• 7:17
  Speaker 2: only work 20%.
• 7:20
  Speaker 1: You have that baby. He going to come out with
• 7:21
  Speaker 1: the pill in his hand. Google. for this little bit
• 7:27
  Speaker 1: of medicine.
• 7:30
  Speaker 2: The plan B up over here in some fat somewhere,
• 7:33
  Speaker 2: the baby growing on this side.
• 7:35
  Speaker 1: Plan B stuck on the inside of a uterus roll.
• 7:39
  Speaker 1: I can't even get out and do my job.
• 7:45
  Speaker 2: Let's talk to the muscle man that got his arms
• 7:47
  Speaker 2: crossed like my career ain't shit. Sir, we're making this
• 7:51
  Speaker 2: up right now. Nothing has tickled your fancy yet? All right, well,
• 7:54
  Speaker 2: what would you like to talk about? Let's make up
• 7:56
  Speaker 2: some shit about something that we can relate to.
• 7:59
  Speaker 1: Creatine. Do I work out? Pre-workout. Pre-workout. Fuck yeah. Where
• 8:10
  Speaker 1: the fuck you find him at, man? She's like, the gym.
• 8:14
  Speaker 1: He was in the corner. You lift a lot of weights.
• 8:19
  Speaker 1: You got D's. Whatever the fuck D's is called. Traps. No, that's, yeah.
• 8:28
  Speaker 2: No, this right here, your glutes. You got a booty
• 8:34
  Speaker 2: on your shoulder. You got some strong, I don't know muscles.
• 8:46
  Speaker 2: You got little legs, or you do leg day too?
• 8:49
  Speaker 2: Stand up, let everybody see you done worked hard.
• 8:53
  Speaker 1: Sit back down.
• 8:55
  Speaker 2: Sit back down and then stand up regular speed. You
• 8:58
  Speaker 2: don't have to get up like a goddamn Marvel character.
• 9:02
  Speaker 2: He unveiled himself like. So what do you do for,
• 9:12
  Speaker 2: are you a fireman or something?
• 9:14
  Speaker 1: Why are you so strong? What do you do?
• 9:18
  Speaker 2: Do you actually use a machine or you just walk
• 9:20
  Speaker 2: up and put your arms in the pallet? You forklift certified?
• 9:34
  Speaker 2: Where you work at?
• 9:36
  Speaker 1: That's the name of the building? Your place just says
• 9:40
  Speaker 1: building materials?
• 9:43
  Speaker 2: Like when you get paid, it say building materials is
• 9:45
  Speaker 2: paying Vincent. It's not a place that sells, but is
• 9:52
  Speaker 2: it Home Depot? It's a place called building materials.
• 9:57
  Speaker 1: Suncoast. I've heard of that. Everything green. Hold on. Where
• 10:01
  Speaker 1: you coming back from? You shit.
• 10:06
  Speaker 2: You shit during my goddamn show. I can't stand the
• 10:09
  Speaker 2: show shit, man. You came back with your purse, your jacket.
• 10:11
  Speaker 2: You don't trust nobody at your table. She had everything
• 10:15
  Speaker 2: she brought with her.
• 10:15
  Speaker 1: Like, excuse me. I'm sorry. I just, I'm sorry. I don't.
• 10:19
  Speaker 2: I'm not leaving my jacket. These still, I just, oh,
• 10:22
  Speaker 2: I gotta hurry up. God damn it. I had to
• 10:25
  Speaker 2: poop before I picked all this up. Now the blood
• 10:28
  Speaker 2: is rushing. I wouldn't have been able to carry this
• 10:30
  Speaker 2: if I didn't have traps, but my traps are defined
• 10:33
  Speaker 2: by creatine and forklift.
• 10:35
  Speaker 1: I'm sorry. Oh, Jesus Christ. You feel better now? Outstanding.
• 10:42
  Speaker 2: Do you know what you missed? Okay, so this guy,
• 10:46
  Speaker 2: he used to be in Marvel. He's Captain Canada. What's
• 10:55
  Speaker 2: your name?
• 10:56
  Speaker 1: Peter? Peter Guns. Nice to meet you. And who are
• 11:01
  Speaker 1: you with? Are these friends? I'm sorry, what? I'm sorry, what? Hairline?
• 11:13
  Speaker 1: Oh my God. Yeah, damn.
• 11:22
  Speaker 2: Hairline, it's out now. Go on, open it up. Put
• 11:25
  Speaker 2: your head down. Let me see what you're working with. Oh,
• 11:29
  Speaker 2: it's gone in the back too, Hairline. Yeah, damn, Hairline.
• 11:34
  Speaker 2: What's your real name? That's so crazy disrespectful that he
• 11:36
  Speaker 2: called you that. You gonna have to hide his creatine
• 11:39
  Speaker 2: from him.
• 11:40
  Speaker 1: I know it was in here. He taking all that
• 11:46
  Speaker 1: testosterone in his ass. Watch out, babe, I just got
• 11:51
  Speaker 1: just one pump.
• 11:56
  Speaker 2: Okay, and who is this lady here with the ponytail,
• 11:59
  Speaker 2: the pretty lady?
• 12:00
  Speaker 1: Who's that? That's Hairline, why? Hairline, what's your name? I'm sorry. Lewis?
• 12:06
  Speaker 1: Thank you, we gonna call you that from now on. Okay,
• 12:08
  Speaker 1: we gonna call you Hair-Lewis.
• 12:10
  Speaker 2: And so, you and your girl look real good together.
• 12:15
  Speaker 2: You look a little equally yoked from here, from what
• 12:17
  Speaker 2: I can tell. How long y'all been together? Seven years, okay.
• 12:21
  Speaker 2: And how long has Thor been with his girl? He
• 12:26
  Speaker 2: don't even know. Somebody help him.
• 12:28
  Speaker 1: Three? Three sets? He's like, three sets of four? And
• 12:37
  Speaker 1: how did you meet? Tell me how you met this
• 12:39
  Speaker 1: strong-looking man. You knew him for 14 years? How come
• 12:45
  Speaker 1: you didn't holler at him the first 11 years?
• 12:56
  Speaker 2: I knew there was something over there when he was
• 12:58
  Speaker 2: sitting like this, like a little piece of shit.
• 13:01
  Speaker 1: Yeah.
• 13:02
  Speaker 2: So you was married and you was married and y'all
• 13:05
  Speaker 2: knew y'all wanted to do this, but you had to wait.
• 13:07
  Speaker 2: He was like, what's this forbidden fruit? You let him
• 13:11
  Speaker 2: fuck twice though, before you broke up. You were like,
• 13:13
  Speaker 2: this is just a sample.
• 13:16
  Speaker 1: He used to pick you up. Come here.
• 13:18
  Speaker 2: Yeah. Y'all got kids and shit yet? Okay, take that
• 13:29
  Speaker 2: bass out of your voice, nigga. You ain't gonna whoop me.
• 13:34
  Speaker 1: So, how many kids y'all got together? Like, you know,
• 13:39
  Speaker 1: when you add them up. Total? You had two, and
• 13:44
  Speaker 1: he had one. Outstanding. That's a good woman. I can
• 13:48
  Speaker 1: see her on her face. Look how her smile sits.
• 13:51
  Speaker 1: She's happy a lot.
• 13:52
  Speaker 2: You can tell some women, they just be frowned up.
• 13:57
  Speaker 2: I'm happier than a motherfucker. But not you, you look happy.
• 14:02
  Speaker 2: Do you teach like elementary or something? You work with
• 14:04
  Speaker 2: kids a lot or something?
• 14:06
  Speaker 1: Psych nurse. Oh my God. That's for the straight jackets
• 14:10
  Speaker 1: and shit? Adults or teenagers, kids?
• 14:14
  Speaker 2: All?
• 14:15
  Speaker 1: You recognize anybody?
• 14:17
  Speaker 2: You do?
• 14:18
  Speaker 1: You do?
• 14:20
  Speaker 2: What about this lady with these crazy, what kind of
• 14:22
  Speaker 2: straight jacket would you have to put on her? She
• 14:24
  Speaker 2: got to wear a jacket that looked like a capital P.
• 14:29
  Speaker 2: And so what was you about to say, sir?
• 14:33
  Speaker 1: Okay, I got it. I got it. Fuck that. We're
• 14:37
  Speaker 1: about to have a beard competition. All right. This lady horny.
• 14:46
  Speaker 1: Let's do that. You want to see who got a
• 14:50
  Speaker 1: bigger beard than me?
• 14:51
  Speaker 2: Let's see what that's stirring up. Let's see, I have
• 14:54
  Speaker 2: like a little pot. Double, double, boy, that's trouble. You
• 14:58
  Speaker 2: a little freaky lady. You and that old church woman
• 15:00
  Speaker 2: you brought with you. Don't spin to me like that.
• 15:04
  Speaker 2: What you say about the precious lamb of God? The
• 15:07
  Speaker 2: precious lamb of God.
• 15:12
  Speaker 1: What church you go to?
• 15:13
  Speaker 2: You look pressed down, shaking together, anointed and running over
• 15:16
  Speaker 2: in the blood of Jesus. You got that little Toni
• 15:19
  Speaker 2: Braxton haircut.
• 15:20
  Speaker 1: I like that. Yeah. Get her. I'm working on her, baby.
• 15:26
  Speaker 1: I was right in the middle of heating up. Get her.
• 15:31
  Speaker 1: He about to cook you, bitch.
• 15:33
  Speaker 2: What church you go to, sis? I'm going to go
• 15:35
  Speaker 2: with you on Sunday. You don't go to church. Ma'am,
• 15:41
  Speaker 2: you look like you made one. Like, you look like
• 15:45
  Speaker 2: a founder of somebody's Baptist church. All right, we gonna
• 15:49
  Speaker 2: put the front of it right here, and the kids
• 15:52
  Speaker 2: gonna play back down.
• 15:56
  Speaker 1: You haven't been because you work a lot? Oh, okay.
• 15:58
  Speaker 1: But the Lord is with you, Edward? All the time?
• 16:03
  Speaker 1: And all the time? What's wrong with y'all? Shoot. You single? Ma'am.
• 16:15
  Speaker 1: You gonna have to hit her with your goddamn life alert.
• 16:17
  Speaker 1: She keep on with you. I have fallen and I can't.
• 16:22
  Speaker 2: No.
• 16:24
  Speaker 1: You single though.
• 16:25
  Speaker 2: How young are you? It's rude to ask how old.
• 16:33
  Speaker 2: Let me put it a different way. If I was
• 16:36
  Speaker 2: to find a gentleman in here for you, what age
• 16:38
  Speaker 2: range would you like for him to be?
• 16:41
  Speaker 1: Because I'm a matchmaker. Did you know that? Yeah, you
• 16:44
  Speaker 1: can get fucked tonight. I can find you somebody. She said,
• 16:48
  Speaker 1: clock it.
• 16:50
  Speaker 2: Yeah, it's going to be a wig sitting on a
• 16:53
  Speaker 2: nightstand somewhere tonight.
• 16:55
  Speaker 1: She's going to take that motherfucker right off. That motherfucker
• 16:59
  Speaker 1: be tired.
• 17:00
  Speaker 2: Young man, young man. I never had my wig disturbed before. Okay,
• 17:08
  Speaker 2: what kind of man, how old do you want your
• 17:11
  Speaker 2: man to be?
• 17:11
  Speaker 1: 60 plus.
• 17:17
  Speaker 2: I said you want to fuck. She's like, I want
• 17:21
  Speaker 2: this dick dead. I want a raisin. She wants somebody
• 17:27
  Speaker 2: to fuck with some church socks on. With an old
• 17:32
  Speaker 2: ass leg next to her head. Old niggas don't fuck
• 17:35
  Speaker 2: like we fuck. Old niggas be like, I don't know
• 17:38
  Speaker 2: what it is. I marched with Dr. Martin Luther King.
• 17:43
  Speaker 1: They put that crunchy-ass, dry-ass foot up.
• 17:45
  Speaker 2: Next to your head.
• 17:49
  Speaker 1: Say my name, bitch. Say Mr.
• 17:52
  Speaker 2: Earl.
• 17:53
  Speaker 1: Yeah, spell it, bitch. M-R-E-A-R-L! That's what you want? Is
• 18:03
  Speaker 1: that your man trying to her? Hey.
• 18:05
  Speaker 2: Hey, Cam Newton hat. What you doing? Leave that old
• 18:10
  Speaker 2: lady alone. I'm about to get in some. All right,
• 18:13
  Speaker 2: Marshawn Lynch, little brother. Tell me, is there any men
• 18:16
  Speaker 2: here 60 and up? Clap twice.
• 18:22
  Speaker 1: His wife was like, Julius, what the fuck? Julius, no.
• 18:29
  Speaker 1: I can't take you anywhere, Julius. You're trying to fuck
• 18:33
  Speaker 1: that lady.
• 18:34
  Speaker 2: He's like, I wasn't really going to do this shit.
• 18:37
  Speaker 2: You wasn't the only one that clapped. It was another
• 18:39
  Speaker 2: clap over here. We got an older man that wants
• 18:40
  Speaker 2: some action? That's like a little girl. No, we ain't
• 18:45
  Speaker 2: doing no Epstein Island this mother.
• 18:49
  Speaker 1: Okay, how young will you go?
• 18:50
  Speaker 2: Because I think 60 is above the age of the
• 18:52
  Speaker 2: gentleman in the building. How?
• 18:55
  Speaker 1: What? Ain't that your wife?
• 19:03
  Speaker 2: Who is that white lady behind you that is very
• 19:05
  Speaker 2: concerned and turning red?
• 19:07
  Speaker 1: My, my, oh. Nigga, don't worry about that. What we on?
• 19:15
  Speaker 1: She already getting... This nigga cheating. Hey, turn your ass around.
• 19:20
  Speaker 1: It ain't time to network, sir.
• 19:22
  Speaker 2: We looking for some dick for her.
• 19:26
  Speaker 1: Are you tipping? I want you to tip. Tip her.
• 19:29
  Speaker 1: What you tipping? How much you tip? Huh? How much
• 19:33
  Speaker 1: cash you give? Huh? How much you gonna do? I'll
• 19:37
  Speaker 1: match you. How much you gonna do? Yeah, I'll match you.
• 19:40
  Speaker 1: Don't reach for that other folded money, nigga. How hard
• 19:43
  Speaker 1: you gonna go? No, we going harder than that. Yeah, okay, one, two, three, four.
• 19:50
  Speaker 2: She's smiling like, do this shit, nigga, do this shit.
• 19:55
  Speaker 2: She picks her flaps up. Oh shit, how much did
• 20:00
  Speaker 2: you put, $ 20? Okay, I can match that. Yeah, put
• 20:05
  Speaker 2: that with his money, man. This is for you, baby, here. Hey,
• 20:09
  Speaker 2: this is for you, baby. Put that with his money.
• 20:11
  Speaker 2: I'm matching him. Yeah. You know, you should have probably
• 20:15
  Speaker 2: had more money on you than that. I really, you really, like,
• 20:18
  Speaker 2: I was ready to go hard.
• 20:19
  Speaker 1: You were like, uh, let me, uh, uh, I got $ 7. 37.
• 20:25
  Speaker 2: All I got is my card. I would have matched
• 20:28
  Speaker 2: what you put on your card. So, yeah, if y'all,
• 20:31
  Speaker 2: you know, show love. She's been quietly working around here.
• 20:33
  Speaker 2: I've been telling jokes, but she's been working hard.
• 20:35
  Speaker 1: Mm-hmm. What's your name? Crystal. I you, man. Hell yeah. Mm-hmm.
• 20:45
  Speaker 1: How much you about to tip, sis? She be like,
• 20:48
  Speaker 1: don't you worry about me. Other, zero.
• 20:52
  Speaker 2: That's up.
• 20:57
  Speaker 1: Get it right now.
• 20:58
  Speaker 2: You got to help me pay the people, man.
• 21:00
  Speaker 1: Shit, she got a plane to go fly later on.
• 21:07
  Speaker 2: LAUGHTER AND CHEERING