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Perimenopause Almost Ended Her Career (Here's How She Fought Back) | REAL MONEY · Real Money with Lisa Chastain

• 0:13
  Tinsley, I adore you. I love you.
• 0:16
  Yes, your money, Your money Personality is what?
• 0:18
  My highest number was DD. Of course it is.
• 0:22
  Goodness, I don't know what that means.
• 0:25
  Of course it is. We'll talk about that at the end
• 0:26
  of the show. What was your second one?
• 0:28
  OK, S S. Oh my God, absolutely you are.
• 0:32
  We're going to talk about that at the end of the show.
• 0:33
  So if you're watching, quit listening.
• 0:36
  You'll get to know Tinsley's money personality.
• 0:38
  You are absolutely, positively a DD and an s s.
• 0:42
  And if you want to know what your money personality is, go to
• 0:44
  lisachastain.com/quiz. It's in the show note.
• 0:47
  Take the money personality quiz. Come back to the end of this
• 0:50
  conversation where you're going to learn what Tinsley's money
• 0:53
  personality is and why it matters so much.
• 0:54
  But I'm going to hear a lot about your money personality
• 0:57
  through this conversation. So you found me on LinkedIn
• 1:01
  something. And then I was on No, no, we had
• 1:03
  someone introduce us. Sierra.
• 1:05
  Yep. You've been in the insurance
• 1:07
  industry since God was a boy. Yep.
• 1:09
  Basically since the tablets were scrolled right.
• 1:13
  And you're on a new mission, which I love and I'm so
• 1:17
  intimately connected to because I'm 46 years old.
• 1:20
  I'm in the middle of perimenopause.
• 1:22
  Lots of changes going on, right? Yeah.
• 1:24
  Yeah. The change is coming.
• 1:26
  The change is coming. My husband looked at me.
• 1:28
  He goes, you're too young for that.
• 1:29
  I go. No, babe, I'm almost 50.
• 1:31
  You're too young for that is one of the biggest myths about all
• 1:34
  this. About all this, all this stuff.
• 1:35
  But the first thing that I want to lean into in this segment of
• 1:38
  the show is why grit is no longer it.
• 1:42
  Let's talk about that. So you've just written a new
• 1:44
  book. Great is not it?
• 1:47
  Let's go for it. So my first I do love grit.
• 1:50
  Like I'm a grit girl. I'm from the South.
• 1:51
  We eat grits. I play grits for breakfast.
• 1:53
  This one love grits. Grits are delish and there's a
• 1:56
  lot of grit people out there. I thought one wrote my first
• 1:59
  book, Grit, Growth and Gumption, 3 Keys to Lead Yourself and
• 2:02
  others with confidence. Everybody was going to like pop
• 2:05
  off and be the only grit person talking about leadership, grit,
• 2:09
  self leadership. That's quickly that grit is kind
• 2:11
  of a buzzword and a keyword. And I'm discovered by writing my
• 2:16
  book that a lot of people mistake grit for just head down,
• 2:21
  grinding it out. 365247 And it's not, it's about being adaptable,
• 2:29
  so riding the tide, being flexible.
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  But it's also about self-discipline, which most
• 2:35
  women are pretty good with that we're probably overly self
• 2:38
  disciplined to a fault. And then the beautiful part of
• 2:43
  grit, which I don't see a lot of people talking about, or they
• 2:45
  might frame it as something else, is resilience.
• 2:48
  It's the comeback after set back, set up for a comeback.
• 2:53
  And it's self-care, unity, failing forward.
• 2:58
  I have a phrase that I call fail force.
• 3:00
  Like I want people to fail more because if you're not failing,
• 3:04
  you're not trying. That's like my mom's opening.
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  And and this is not my word, but the the great thing that
• 3:10
  somebody said is failure is knowledge and knowledge is
• 3:15
  power. I probably flub that, but it's
• 3:18
  something like that. So it's just basically reframing
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  failure as something positive. We are perfectionists by nature.
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  A lot of us are don't want to fail.
• 3:28
  So I love grit. I spent most of 2023 and 2024
• 3:33
  doubling down on grit, but what it did not prepare me for was
• 3:39
  going through perimenopause and then immediate menopause.
• 3:47
  All the details because we Gen. X or your Gen.
• 3:51
  X or our mom's. My mom just said you'll get
• 3:53
  through it. No one talked to me about it.
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  And then my mom wasn't a business owner.
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  Doesn't matter if yours was or not.
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  But yeah, what was that? So for?
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  For me, it kind of feels like a Mack truck.
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  Like my body has been slammed into a wall.
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  The truck's been going full steep speed ahead and all of a
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  sudden my body wakes up and says no bitch, we're not doing this
• 4:12
  anymore. Yeah.
• 4:14
  What was that for you? It was a Mack truck.
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  It was actually a kitchen floor like the moment and hit the
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  kitchen floor physically, literally, physically, you know,
• 4:22
  literally, figuratively, physically.
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  So I'd been struggling with some early, I think she called it all
• 4:31
  adult bleeding, but it's like not a period.
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  It's like you're basically having a miscarriage every day
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  and it goes on and on and on. It never ends.
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  And I tried an ablation. I had tried the pill like
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  getting back on the pill and so many things and nothing was
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  working. And she, my OB at the time, OB
• 4:49
  GYN at the time said, well, we can get you, get you a
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  hysterectomy. And I was like, perfect, she
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  said, but you'll be laid up for six weeks.
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  And so you tell a high achieving woman that's got a child in the
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  middle school doing sports and, you know, a big job and people
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  relying that she's gonna be laid up for six weeks, like, not
• 5:05
  happening. So I took that information as it
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  was given to me and held on to it and continued to just kind of
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  bleed. It's like, yeah, you learn to
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  like carry a extra blazer or something or a pair of pants in
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  your car in case you need to like wrap it around your waist.
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  You have a situation, not pretty.
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  And I will be very open and honest during this conversation
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  because I just feel like gatekeeping is is not going to
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  help any of our sisters. So I was getting up 1 morning to
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  take my daughter to school and went downstairs to fix a cup of
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  coffee and pretty much hit the floor.
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  It was a pass out. I woke up, my daughter and my
• 5:43
  husband are standing over me like what WTF what what just
• 5:47
  happened to you? And I was scared.
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  They called my friend who's a nurse.
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  She popped right over because she lives in the hood and she
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  was like, yeah, you have no blood pressure.
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  Like your high number was like an 85 or something.
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  And so I called this other gynecologist that my mom had
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  recommended and I had a few conversations with her.
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  She said, get get to the hospital, get to the emergency
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  room right now. They I want to get you
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  stabilized there. I'll be there as soon as I can.
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  So got there. Long story short, she came,
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  examined me. I almost had to have a blood
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  transfusion because I had nothing left in the tank.
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  And she said, I'm going to operate on you, you tomorrow
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  morning and I'm going to take your uterus.
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  And I was like, well, I can't be laid up for six weeks.
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  She's like, I'm going to do it laparoscopically.
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  You won't even know it. Two weeks, babe, Two weeks.
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  So not 62. That's not for everybody,
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  depending on the type of hysterectomy you have to have.
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  But get second opinions, like get a second.
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  So get the hysterectomy. I feel better like the next day
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  because number one, I've got blood in my system again.
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  But I also got rid of this nasty uterus that had five A5 huge
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  fibroid tumor, like 4, like the size of a 14 week old fetus was
• 6:59
  growing in there and polyps and like nasty stuff.
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  So I always joke I've got 99 problems and my uterus isn't 1
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  of them. But the thing was, I felt really
• 7:09
  great for, I don't know, two months, Lisa.
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  And then I'm sitting on the couch one night and I felt like
• 7:15
  somebody had turned up the thermostat 40°.
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  And I asked my daughter, I'm like, are you hot?
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  No, I'm not hot. Are you hot?
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  Yeah, I'm real hot. And then I started noticing at
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  work, like, every day at 2:00, absolute drain, energy tank
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  gone. And coffee, like, was my best
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  friend. I thought I could just guzzle it
• 7:32
  and everything would be cool. That wasn't working.
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  And then I couldn't remember like where I parked my car, much
• 7:39
  less quarterly financials, much less the project that I was
• 7:42
  supposed to be working on or the deadline.
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  So all these signs started coming through.
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  I'm like, Oh my God, I think that I've been kicked into
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  early. I think that, you know, the
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  bleeding and everything was kind of a perimenopause thing.
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  And then I think that the menopause thing happened after I
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  got my uterus taken out. So that was my wake up call.
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  And that's when I realized you can't white knuckle your way
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  through this season. You might be able, you can
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  totally, you know, you have children.
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  You can white knuckle your your way through having an infant.
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  You can coffee, you can Diet Coke, whatever you like.
• 8:15
  A crispy Diet Coke. Because you're in your 20s.
• 8:18
  Yeah, yeah, because. You're in your 20s.
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  And even if you're in good shape in your late 40s or 40s and 50s,
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  it doesn't matter. Like menopause does not care if
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  you're in good shape. She'll take you down whichever
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  way she can. So like I say, if my uterus
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  tried to kill me, my hormones try to hijack my career.
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  So that's the long and short of why grit.
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  Now there's a, there's a little bit of resilience, obviously,
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  that you can plug and play here, but just sheer grit is not going
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  to carry you through the season, babe.
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  And I can't let another woman go through, like not on my watch.
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  I can't let her go through what I just went through.
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  Yeah, yeah. And we're going to, we're going
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  to hold that right there. I totally agree with you.
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  I hear you. So many women that I know are
• 9:01
  having this, this exact conversation and in the middle
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  of making a decision about whether or not to have a
• 9:07
  hysterectomy, what to do about the bleeding, all of those
• 9:10
  things. So we're just hold right there.
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  We're going to take a break. We're going to come back and
• 9:15
  we're going to talk about what the alternative is, what the
• 9:18
  alternative is. Hey, stop blaming yourself about
• 9:21
  the choices you're making with money.
• 9:22
  Your money patterns aren't random.
• 9:25
  Take the money personality test and find out who you truly are.
• 9:28
  Link is in the show notes. Yeah, so great is not the
• 9:33
  solution. And we have been told in
• 9:36
  business specifically for centuries that you got to push
• 9:39
  through it because the masculine way of business, they don't have
• 9:44
  to deal with any men. Never.
• 9:47
  Never have to deal with any of that.
• 9:49
  So men can wake up, go to work, follow the same routine, go to
• 9:54
  bed at the same time, wake up on repeat every single day their
• 9:58
  entire lives and none of that. They need to to confront and so
• 10:02
  we've been given advice and male dominated insurance industry
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  yeah we've been given advice to push harder just hustle hustle
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  culture. Gary Vee selling it to
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  everybody. This is what I did 75.
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  Hard. 75 hard. I just pushed, pushed, pushed,
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  pushed, push. And then as women, we wake up on
• 10:21
  the floor and we say what the fuck just happened?
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  Yeah, yeah. Using our number one.
• 10:27
  Yeah, and then magical solution. Take your uterus.
• 10:29
  Everything's gonna be fine. 2 weeks later.
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  It's not fine. It's not fine.
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  It was fine. It's more.
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  But you're still, you're still in business at this point, Yeah.
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  I'm still in the same job. I'm still here.
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  Yeah, yeah. What did you do?
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  Well, like, I, like I feel like I've had to do my whole life is
• 10:47
  figure it, figure it out. Yeah.
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  When I moved from a individual contributor to a leader, I
• 10:53
  struggled with empathy. I struggled with emotional
• 10:56
  intelligence and self-awareness and delegation anxiety, all this
• 10:59
  stuff. So that's why I wrote Great
• 11:01
  Growth and Gumption. It was a love letter to myself
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  five years earlier. Like, hey, girl, nobody's going
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  to give you, especially in my insurance industry, they just
• 11:09
  expect you to manage a desk and then turn around and show other
• 11:12
  people how to manage a desk with no leadership trainings.
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  Great Growth and Gumption was the instruction manual that I
• 11:17
  never had on leadership 70 pages and this book was this book is
• 11:23
  basically a love letter to myself three years ago and I had
• 11:28
  to figure out the framework to not only help a woman stop and
• 11:34
  notice that things were different.
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  Like this is not anything you've ever encountered before, but
• 11:40
  also what to do about it like I did.
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  I never do TikTok. I never do TikTok, but I did a
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  TikTok yesterday. I feel so silly when I do them.
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  But I said like, I see reels all the time and I see other TikTok
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  saying women suffer with confidence issues during
• 11:58
  perimenopausement. Yeah, but what are we going to
• 12:00
  do about it? Like don't tell me I have a
• 12:02
  problem and not give me a solution.
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  So I'm a framework nerd and I love to, to, I love a, an
• 12:08
  acronym. So I love to, to put stuff
• 12:12
  together. So I I put together what I think
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  is the cheat code to help you no matter what stage you're in.
• 12:20
  If you're just getting some feelings that things are off,
• 12:23
  cool, this book is for you. If you are in the the.
• 12:27
  Thick of it. Forum of it, thick of it.
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  This book's for you. If you've already gone through
• 12:32
  the physical changes and maybe you figured a few things out,
• 12:36
  it's still for you because chapter that you're in my
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  favorite chapter is one that's like, OK, well, now we're going
• 12:42
  to press play on what's cool and next.
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  And then if you're a man that has a woman in your life,
• 12:48
  whether it's your colleague, whether it's your wife, whether
• 12:52
  it's your sister or your aunt or your mother partner, this book
• 12:55
  is for you because it's it's every season we're learning.
• 12:59
  Women are starting to exhibit signs of hearing menopause
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  earlier and earlier and doctors are no longer able to say we're
• 13:07
  too young for that. Like that's not an acceptable
• 13:09
  answer anymore. But real quick, your point on
• 13:13
  men can go to work in nine to five it for their entire
• 13:16
  decades. The workplace as we know it was
• 13:19
  never designed for our biology. It was it was not somebody with
• 13:23
  a flat biology. So when the men went off to war
• 13:26
  and the women came in, Rosie the Riveter, my grandmother worked
• 13:29
  in a munitions plant in Alabama. They didn't care if you had a
• 13:31
  period. They didn't care if you're
• 13:32
  pregnant. I still wonder who took care of
• 13:34
  all the children while the women maybe their mom luckily or
• 13:37
  something like that. But Can you imagine being a
• 13:39
  woman going through that in a munitions plant in Alabama?
• 13:43
  So our workplace has never ever evolved to consider midlife for
• 13:48
  a woman. It's considered, it's considered
• 13:50
  now for women that are pregnant or trying to get pregnant or men
• 13:55
  that have children. But it was just we can't expect
• 13:58
  it to change overnight, but we should expect it to start
• 14:02
  evolving to account for us. I think that's where the point
• 14:08
  is where we I wanted to start the conversation, which is
• 14:11
  perfect that we're here now is on the note of leadership and
• 14:14
  what it truly means to be a leader because for me, men are
• 14:19
  we are stepping into leadership positions that weren't designed
• 14:22
  for women but now have to evolve and shift and mold.
• 14:27
  But it's a woman that's going to be the voice.
• 14:29
  It's it's and I I find this really interesting.
• 14:33
  Is that the number of podcasts by and men right now that are
• 14:37
  talking about this tells me that there's a change happening real
• 14:41
  time because men are going, oh, wait, wait a minute.
• 14:44
  If men are talking about it, they may not be doing anything
• 14:48
  about it in this moment. But in terms of leadership, it's
• 14:51
  our job. It's our job to do something.
• 14:54
  It's our job to speak up. It's our job to use our voices.
• 14:57
  What are the things that have to change right now for women in
• 15:01
  leadership to acknowledge the fact that in midlife we go
• 15:04
  through in, in my experience, even worse, harder changes than
• 15:08
  even when our periods start when we're young?
• 15:10
  Let's say, and I say this for women in any position.
• 15:12
  So when somebody said well I'm not a leader, that's I'll call
• 15:16
  BS on that all day long. Once you get out of bed every
• 15:19
  day and put your feet on the floor, you are leading.
• 15:21
  You are a leader of 1 and that is yourself.
• 15:24
  So everything that I write comes from the lens of self
• 15:28
  leadership. So I think women have to realize
• 15:32
  that they are not going to wake up 1 morning and the birds are
• 15:35
  chirping and the sea has parted and this is all going to be
• 15:38
  figured out for us by someone else.
• 15:42
  Men want to be part of this conversation, but it shouldn't
• 15:44
  be up to men to figure this out for us.
• 15:47
  It should be up to us to come alongside the men because men
• 15:50
  are making a lot of financial decisions that have impacts and
• 15:54
  this impacts their bottom line. I keep seeing different numbers.
• 15:58
  I have quoted 1.98 billion and now it's more like 30 billion of
• 16:04
  lost revenue, lost work time, 11% productivity loss because
• 16:10
  somebody's on the struggle bus. Like she couldn't go to work
• 16:14
  because she was bleeding heavily or she missed time, a chunk of
• 16:18
  time or a client meeting because she's back and forth to a
• 16:20
  doctor. He's not equipped to help her.
• 16:23
  So I think my advice to that woman would be like, jump in the
• 16:27
  boat with us and help us all figure it out.
• 16:29
  It's not going to look perfect at first, but we owe it to
• 16:33
  ourselves to start the conversation and B, have the
• 16:36
  gumption and the vulnerability to say this is what's happening
• 16:40
  with me, what's happening with you?
• 16:43
  And hey, Joe, we're talking about this.
• 16:45
  I think it's important that you hear, no, not our side, but our
• 16:48
  perspective because I don't think men don't want to hear it.
• 16:52
  I think that they're scared, they don't have the answers and
• 16:55
  we just need to let them know. We don't expect you to have the
• 16:57
  answers. We just want to get the
• 16:59
  conversation at the forefront so your bottom line and your PNL
• 17:04
  is, is not impacted or it starts to improve.
• 17:08
  You're in a what we're calling a silver tsunami in my industry
• 17:12
  right now, between 2026 and 2028, half a million people are
• 17:18
  going to retire. And if you consider that females
• 17:22
  make up more than 60% of my industry, that shows you who's
• 17:27
  going out the door. So we really need to think about
• 17:30
  that. And the other point, and I want
• 17:32
  to make it before I, I forget it because obviously menopause
• 17:36
  brain sometimes is that you hear quiet cracking, you hear quiet
• 17:40
  quitting, you hear women aren't getting to the C-Suite fast
• 17:45
  enough. What if we back up and instead
• 17:48
  of blaming some patriarchal society, which there is?
• 17:52
  Right to. Be shared, right?
• 17:54
  What if we said the reason she's not able to get there right now
• 17:58
  is because her thought process is compromised?
• 18:01
  Like, she might want to still get there.
• 18:03
  She might not want to retire or just stay in that same position.
• 18:07
  But if her health is not optimized and her brain is not
• 18:10
  functioning, if she gets there, it could be that glass Cliff
• 18:14
  where she got there, but her health was failing her.
• 18:18
  So people were thinking she's not really capable.
• 18:21
  And she gets pushed out. And it's like, how long is it
• 18:24
  going to take for us to get another woman in that spot?
• 18:26
  Yeah, hold your thought. Hold your thought right there
• 18:28
  because I think that you bring up a really crucial point of
• 18:31
  where women, specifically in their 50s, feel that glass
• 18:35
  Cliff. We're going to take a break and
• 18:37
  we're going to come right back to that about if you're feeling
• 18:40
  that or in the experience of that, what do you do about it?
• 18:43
  What do you do about it? Pause.
• 18:47
  If you're successful on paper but still don't feel as powerful
• 18:50
  as you know you can be with money, the wealth within is
• 18:53
  where we change all of that. Link is in the show notes.
• 18:56
  OK, Tinsley, you're on the glass Cliff.
• 18:58
  I've had so many women come to me in their 50s, their
• 19:01
  motivations gone or they've been pink slipped.
• 19:04
  This has happened in many, many, many industries around the
• 19:07
  around the planet. They're pink slipped thinking
• 19:10
  that it's age discrimination. Is it age discrimination?
• 19:13
  Is it not knowing how to really manage and lead our way through
• 19:17
  menopause? I'm not going to say there's not
• 19:21
  a, there's not a yes or no answer to this.
• 19:23
  There is. It could be a lot of things.
• 19:25
  But I think that one thing that we have to consider is that that
• 19:31
  woman that did get to the C-Suite and, and is at the risk
• 19:35
  of falling off the glass Cliff and she's feeling the pressure
• 19:39
  and she feels like everybody's eyes are on her.
• 19:43
  And they could be, should could not be imagining this there.
• 19:47
  There's a couple things that I want her to do so that the
• 19:50
  hormones don't hijack the career.
• 19:53
  So you've worked so hard to get here and you have so much value,
• 19:56
  so much value left to to give to this organization and to the
• 20:00
  industry. I love my industry.
• 20:02
  I'm sure you love financial services industry where
• 20:05
  everything's insurance people are so dry.
• 20:06
  And I'm like, no, a lot of us are really spicy and cool.
• 20:09
  Super spicy, yeah. Super spicy, yeah.
• 20:12
  So I want her to do a few things.
• 20:14
  So we've got a million things coming at us as women.
• 20:17
  I've got a senior in high school that's a whole another bag of
• 20:20
  bag of stuff. But I want her to take that,
• 20:23
  that radio dial. And when you're in between
• 20:26
  stations for everybody that's in Gen.
• 20:27
  X or you remember we have radio dials in our car.
• 20:30
  I want her to get past the static.
• 20:32
  And even if that is shutting off your phone for a little bit,
• 20:35
  taking a day, go stay at a hotel by yourself, right?
• 20:38
  And get clear and start to catalog what is different about
• 20:43
  me right now. Something is not right.
• 20:45
  Like I cannot get dialed in. I cannot stay dialed in.
• 20:48
  Why am I bloated all the time? Like what is going on with my
• 20:52
  physical body and my mental body?
• 20:54
  So that's like the first step of this framework, the lead
• 20:57
  framework. So I wanted to listen to what is
• 21:00
  different and start writing it out.
• 21:02
  And then once she's got a really good list, I want her to start
• 21:06
  doing some investigation. And I give you some some cues
• 21:09
  and some tips in the book about how to start educating yourself
• 21:13
  on you think you're in early perimenopause, like let's get
• 21:16
  that verified by a healthcare professional.
• 21:18
  Start educating yourself on not only the physical and mental
• 21:24
  symptoms and emotional symptoms that are going on during this
• 21:29
  time, but how are those coming into work with you?
• 21:32
  Because if you think you're leaving all that stuff in the
• 21:34
  car and as soon as you cross the threshold door of the office,
• 21:38
  like it's not, it's coming into work with you and it's showing
• 21:41
  up. If you're not sleeping, you
• 21:43
  might snap at your team or you might miss an important detail
• 21:47
  on a proposal that could impact your whole organization, right?
• 21:51
  So start educating yourself on how those physical symptoms are
• 21:55
  translating into what could be career ending moments.
• 22:00
  That's a red flag. And then after you've done that
• 22:04
  and you start just correlate, then I need you to start
• 22:08
  advocating for yourself. And that is for me, it was
• 22:13
  pretty clear that my OBGYN was great at delivering babies and
• 22:19
  maybe caring for 20 and 30 year old women, but she just was not
• 22:23
  up to speed for a 4050 year old going through some pretty
• 22:27
  serious stuff. So and, and I write a pink slip.
• 22:30
  I write a separation letter in the book about, you know, I'm
• 22:35
  putting you on a performance improvement plan.
• 22:39
  I've given you the tools to and the time to help me work all
• 22:43
  this out and you failed to meet the standards.
• 22:46
  So now I'm releasing you. I wish you all the best.
• 22:49
  And it's a little bit of a cheeky approach to saying the
• 22:53
  person that delivered your babies might not be the person
• 22:56
  that you need in the season. And that's OK, but you don't
• 22:58
  have time to let them catch up to your biology.
• 23:02
  So after we started advocating for ourselves in our doctor's
• 23:07
  office, I want you to advocate for yourself in your
• 23:10
  organization. If that means that you mix the
• 23:14
  Friday afternoon Zoom calls, which who does those anyway?
• 23:18
  Yeah. Why?
• 23:20
  Like, oh, why? And and you maybe do it.
• 23:22
  You're cool with a Monday morning meeting.
• 23:24
  Like I'm cool. I love Monday morning meetings.
• 23:26
  I'm raring to go in the morning or it's going to your, your boss
• 23:31
  or your manager and saying, Hey, I don't, we need to take a full
• 23:34
  page ad out in the company newsletter.
• 23:36
  But here's kind of some stuff that's going on.
• 23:38
  And if I've seemed a little off to you, here's why.
• 23:40
  But I'm going to work through it.
• 23:42
  And I want you to know that same thing with your team.
• 23:44
  You, you know, if you've got direct reports or indirect
• 23:46
  reports or something like that, you don't have to disclose every
• 23:49
  little bit of your journey, but you can tell them enough things
• 23:52
  that like, hey, we're going to have meeting free Fridays and
• 23:56
  we're going to have more focused 15 minute sessions when we meet
• 23:59
  instead of 45 minute people catching up on dogs and their
• 24:03
  license. And then the last thing after we
• 24:05
  started advocating and you can do micro advocacy moves within
• 24:10
  your own organization to start making organizational changes.
• 24:14
  It doesn't have to be, you know, you might not get budgetary
• 24:18
  support right away, but if you have a colleague resource group
• 24:21
  or an employee resource group, hey, let's get some women
• 24:24
  together and, and grab a healthcare professional and
• 24:27
  start to recognize the signs like you can do a.
• 24:29
  Little bit great idea. And if you have a female leader,
• 24:32
  she can be your executive sponsor.
• 24:33
  She can get you a budget, right? I've seen it work.
• 24:36
  Kinsley, I I hear you. And I'm all for advocacy.
• 24:39
  And this is for the woman who's listening to this right now
• 24:42
  going, Yeah, but why do I have to be the one?
• 24:45
  This is exhausting. Why do I have to be the one that
• 24:48
  speaks up? Why do I have to be the one that
• 24:51
  tells my manager it's embarrassing that I'm going
• 24:53
  through this in and of itself? Why did why is it always me that
• 24:57
  has to speak up? It like, right, Because there is
• 25:00
  someone that's like, fuck, I'm tired of being the one.
• 25:04
  What would you say to her? Well, she probably wouldn't mind
• 25:07
  my answer. Lisa.
• 25:08
  That's OK. That's what we're here to.
• 25:09
  We're here to have the hard conversation.
• 25:11
  I would say, well, sweetheart, if you don't speak up for
• 25:14
  yourself and you don't, don't carry that cross or you don't,
• 25:17
  you know, champion one move or have one conversation when your
• 25:22
  daughter comes or your sister comes and she's going through
• 25:25
  this personal hell and and she's going to get pink slip.
• 25:28
  Ask yourself that same question. And if you feel good, if you can
• 25:31
  look yourself in the mirror and say, well, I'm glad I didn't do
• 25:34
  anything because I was uncomfortable, then that's fine.
• 25:37
  But I mean, I never want to have, I never want to go 1st and
• 25:41
  I never want to say the weird thing.
• 25:43
  I always seem to, but it's up to us as women that to at least all
• 25:49
  make one small step. You don't have to make it.
• 25:52
  You don't have to go write another book.
• 25:54
  You don't have to write a book. You don't have to start a
• 25:56
  podcast. But you could do one thing to at
• 25:59
  least help yourself and you could do one thing to help you,
• 26:02
  the women in your organization. So that's probably what I'd say
• 26:05
  to her, but I'm more of a tough love kind of gal.
• 26:07
  That's why you're here. We're the same because we're
• 26:10
  watching women on a global scale right now, and especially in
• 26:13
  America today specifically speak up and use their voice.
• 26:16
  And if you can't do it for yourself, do it for the women
• 26:18
  behind you. So why does it have to be you?
• 26:21
  Well, who else is going to do it?
• 26:23
  And if there are organizational cultures that do not support
• 26:26
  women and menopause, there's the problem.
• 26:30
  A lot of them are doing a lot. When I research this stuff, I
• 26:33
  see like CBS is doing a lot. I don't know if it was Spanx.
• 26:37
  The big, big boys and girls are are getting with the program.
• 26:41
  And I believe Europe's farther ahead and Europe's got its own
• 26:45
  set of challenges. I, I've met some really cool
• 26:47
  like menopause coaches and people to go in and, and help
• 26:51
  organizations in the UK and in Italy.
• 26:53
  So I think as a, as a global, you know, population, we all
• 26:58
  have to help each other and say, OK, Italy's doing that, that's
• 27:01
  cool. Or England's doing this, this is
• 27:03
  cool. So yeah, I just think it's up to
• 27:06
  everybody to do at least one thing to help themselves and
• 27:10
  help their sisters in arms. I totally agree.
• 27:13
  OK, so LEAD is your acronym. AL is what?
• 27:16
  Listen E Educate a advocate. And you're going to find out
• 27:20
  what D is after the break held on to your hat.
• 27:23
  So we're going to find out what D is there.
• 27:24
  Hey, if you're here to change your life with money, you've got
• 27:27
  to know that change happens one minute at a time.
• 27:30
  Let me be your daily reminder of where to focus so that you can
• 27:33
  have everything that it is that you want.
• 27:35
  One minute money mindset link is in the show notes.
• 27:38
  OK, D. Spiciness is spicy.
• 27:42
  D is design. What does that mean?
• 27:44
  You're in the design chapter. You're in life.
• 27:47
  Funnest chapter that there is in this book.
• 27:51
  So I have the privilege and honor of my muse is, is my
• 27:56
  mother. So if you don't know my mother
• 27:59
  yet, if you look at LinkedIn, she's probably in a picture
• 28:02
  every week. She looks wonderful.
• 28:04
  I will never say how old she is, but you know, she's got some
• 28:08
  some wheels under her tires, so to speak.
• 28:10
  But she's so vibrant and strong. And I see her going to the gym
• 28:14
  and, and I saw her and Lisa you talk, we talked talked about
• 28:17
  single moms when you were on my podcast.
• 28:20
  I, I saw her raise my sister and I just, she just rocked it.
• 28:23
  Now she had to have an emergency hysterectomy because of some
• 28:27
  other issues. And she this was in the 90s.
• 28:30
  I think I had gone to college and I came back from college and
• 28:32
  I'm like, girl, I gained the freshman 15 and you've lost 20
• 28:36
  lbs. What the heck is going on?
• 28:37
  She said, well, I got off my I, I got my hysterectomy and my
• 28:42
  doctor said you need to be on estrogen and you'll be on it the
• 28:45
  rest of your life. And she said I've never felt
• 28:46
  better. So she was an early adopter of,
• 28:51
  you know, some hormone replacement.
• 28:52
  And I am definitely not saying go do hormone replacement.
• 28:55
  That is not what I'm saying here.
• 28:56
  I'm saying you got to choose what's right for your health.
• 28:59
  But my mom was my muse. So when I think about talking to
• 29:04
  women that are going through this midlife thing, I don't want
• 29:07
  us to just feel baseline, like we're not basic bees.
• 29:12
  We're awesome. Like at least the ladies that I
• 29:14
  myself with everybody I know and I'm calling you and the other 3
• 29:18
  ladies in this design chapter the masters of midlife because
• 29:22
  I'm fangirls of all of you. But the design chapter is where
• 29:27
  I want you to start writing your next best chapter.
• 29:31
  And so like, I think I put that in Natasha Bedingfield song as
• 29:35
  the quote at the beginning. The rest is still unwritten.
• 29:38
  Love that song. I do too, 90s or early 2000s.
• 29:42
  It's such a great song. You know, open up The Dirty
• 29:44
  window. Like that's the menopause, but
• 29:46
  you've got this whole life waiting.
• 29:49
  People are living longer. So if you're going to live to be
• 29:51
  80, what do you want 30 years to look like?
• 29:54
  Is it gas taking your foot off the gas?
• 29:57
  If that's that's you, fine. My book is written for high
• 30:00
  achieving women and so you'll know within the 1st 30 pages if
• 30:04
  it's right for you because I'm going to make you do hard stuff.
• 30:07
  Yeah. So you are the in the design
• 30:11
  chapter and of course I've got another acronym nestled in there
• 30:16
  and it's more in midlife. So when we think about more, it
• 30:20
  is mastery of self, knowing who you are, being honest with who
• 30:25
  you are, your voice, If you know who you are, you should be able
• 30:29
  to verbalize that and communicate that and not shrink
• 30:33
  from that. And then redesigning, redefining
• 30:36
  success. So my friend Tracy, we talk
• 30:38
  about the the Louboutins that maybe felt great or look, they
• 30:42
  never feel great. Let's be honest.
• 30:44
  Maybe the 9 W. I'm a Jessica Simpson lover of
• 30:47
  shoes, and I can get those at TJ Maxx for a discount.
• 30:50
  You'll love that, Lisa. Maybe they don't.
• 30:53
  That's not your money personality.
• 30:55
  I know. We'll talk about it in a minute,
• 30:57
  OK, OK. So Tracy talks about the suit or
• 31:00
  the shoes, that metaphor of this, that what what looked good
• 31:04
  to you or what you thought looked good and presented great
• 31:08
  in your 20s and 30s. That's not like we got to take
• 31:11
  those heels down a little bit like because we can go faster if
• 31:14
  we we are on shorter heels and maybe we need just lean back or
• 31:17
  maybe we just want to do flats. Who cares?
• 31:19
  But really redefining what success looks like for you.
• 31:22
  Cleaning out that closet, that mental closet of all that old
• 31:26
  garbage that you used to tell yourself, the grinding 75
• 31:29
  hearts. It's not cool anymore.
• 31:31
  And then finally I'm bodying radiance.
• 31:33
  That's the E and more. And that is my girl Lee Roach.
• 31:38
  Kelly is, I don't know if you know Kelly, Most people do.
• 31:40
  She is an amazing business coach, a Kingdom builder.
• 31:44
  She's an amazing wife and mom. She's got one daughter and I
• 31:48
  love her. I just love how she parents.
• 31:51
  And she's talking about embodying radiance from the
• 31:53
  inside out. So taking care of your, your
• 31:55
  inside, your spiritual so that you can shine your light to
• 31:59
  others. And I didn't mention who was the
• 32:01
  ownership of voice. That's Christy Straw, and she
• 32:05
  had it kind of a wake up call when she was using a corporate
• 32:08
  condo for an event. She had permission to use it,
• 32:12
  but she took a picture in a bathing suit and then posted on
• 32:15
  LinkedIn. And it basically was the
• 32:16
  catalyst for her leaving and starting her own thing.
• 32:19
  And now she's the Unicorn leader and she's a boss and she's doing
• 32:23
  great stuff in North Carolina over there.
• 32:25
  Go see her. She does a pinnacle dinner.
• 32:27
  But Long story short, the design chapter is all about if I can
• 32:32
  get your health right, if I can get you feeling optimized, then
• 32:36
  we're going. We're going to do something fun.
• 32:38
  We're taking girls trips or putting on the things that make
• 32:42
  us feel good and make us feel whole and authentic and taking
• 32:45
  off that garbage. I love it and you and I both
• 32:47
  have seniors in high school and this is the Golden years at one
• 32:53
  point didn't seem so fun, more elegant or desirable because The
• 32:57
  Golden Girls just seemed old. They seemed.
• 32:59
  Old. They weren't that old.
• 33:01
  I know, I know they weren't and I do feel like I'm I'm stepping
• 33:05
  into my golden age as my kids are getting older.
• 33:07
  My husband and I are like, where we going?
• 33:09
  What are we doing? And if you can feel great at the
• 33:13
  same time in your health and in your wealth, then you can go and
• 33:17
  give yourself permission to design to your point.
• 33:21
  You don't have to wait for impending doom in corporate in
• 33:25
  America to kick you off the train for that to be your wake
• 33:28
  up call. So that's the call to action for
• 33:31
  you. Listening right now is who are
• 33:33
  you being about this right now? Because your mindset and the
• 33:36
  decisions that you're making around your life right now are
• 33:39
  going to impact what could be the best chapter of your life.
• 33:43
  It could be if you say so, it could be.
• 33:47
  And so by advocating for your health, advocating for yourself,
• 33:50
  designing what you really want this life to look like.
• 33:53
  And sadly, it's not until so we start feeling bad that we start
• 33:58
  asking these really important questions.
• 33:59
  Let's not wait. Let's not wait.
• 34:02
  And money has everything to do with that.
• 34:05
  Because if you haven't set yourself up for success
• 34:07
  financially, then it could feel a little scary right now.
• 34:09
  But I know you have and I have. We're gonna talk about your
• 34:13
  money personality. I cannot wait for this.
• 34:16
  But first, because of your money personality.
• 34:18
  So DD stands for delusional Delilah, okay, s s stands for
• 34:22
  Spencer Sally. So the combination of those two
• 34:26
  things, it's a delusional storm. It is, it is, but in the best
• 34:30
  possible way cuz DDS and SSS are big dreamers.
• 34:33
  Big thinkers go big. These are our business owners,
• 34:37
  agency owners, book writers, women that play big.
• 34:41
  And then with the s s, they're also money's in movement,
• 34:44
  money's in motion. And so sadly for women, it gets,
• 34:48
  it gets a bad rap because spending is is a bad thing or
• 34:52
  overspending is perpetuated. But truthfully, spenders with
• 34:57
  with vision, with identity are those who make this shit happen,
• 35:01
  who book the trips, who buy the shoes and enjoy their lives.
• 35:04
  Stimulating the economy. Exactly exactly.
• 35:07
  So DD go make more money, dream big, take care of yourself in
• 35:11
  the process, which is what you're saying.
• 35:13
  S S move money, money with momentum and motion toward your
• 35:17
  dreams and your most purposeful life.
• 35:20
  Let it be intentional, because when you do that, you are
• 35:24
  Tinsley English. So it's so funny that you you
• 35:27
  say go make more money because my grandfather was grew up in
• 35:30
  the Great Depression. He ran track and field at
• 35:33
  University of Georgia when it was a dirt track, right?
• 35:38
  And but he so smart. He was so with it.
• 35:41
  And he and his brother dominated the Chevrolet industry, bought
• 35:45
  and raised Tennessee Walking horses.
• 35:48
  We had like the 1971 grand champion, world grand champion.
• 35:52
  But he would always say you can always make more money, like
• 35:55
  that was his mother. And he'd always say it doesn't
• 35:58
  cost much more to ride the best Tony.
• 36:01
  Yeah. And, you know, it's the year of
• 36:03
  the Fire Horse. And my motto is giddy up, Giddy
• 36:07
  up. Giddy fucking up.
• 36:08
  I love it. That is your money personality,
• 36:11
  Tinsley. That is you too.
• 36:12
  ATI love it so much. Well, we are we're out of time
• 36:15
  and so there's so much more that we can talk about, but I really
• 36:18
  believe that that was very, very purposeful.
• 36:20
  I know that whoever's listening right now, I feel super inspired
• 36:23
  to giddy up, get going, grab Tinsley's book, advocate for
• 36:27
  yourself, grab the book and grab other women and read the book
• 36:31
  together. Because that's when the
• 36:33
  conversation gets really good is when you're reading the book
• 36:35
  together and you're having this conversation together and you're
• 36:38
  having this conversation at work.
• 36:41
  Acknowledging that all women get to be advocated for and we get
• 36:46
  to speak up for what it is that we need because we truly are the
• 36:48
  future of business and we are the future of the world.
• 36:51
  And middle-aged women specifically are the ones that
• 36:54
  are going to lead the charge. There's.
• 36:55
  So much like I I said to the friend the other day.
• 36:58
  Like we're not asking for a seat at the table anymore.
• 37:01
  We're flipping the table and we're bringing in a new table.
• 37:04
  And I think guys are here for it.
• 37:06
  They love the diversity of thought and, and we need to make
• 37:09
  sure we include them in the conversation.
• 37:11
  There is, this is not a time to girl boss it out or we're doing
• 37:15
  this by ourselves. Like, I'm not a, I'm not an
• 37:17
  advocate for that. I, I love men.
• 37:20
  I love my husband. I love the industry that I'm in.
• 37:23
  My husband's actually in this industry too.
• 37:25
  So go go grab a guy, guys. Want to talk about this stuff?
• 37:30
  Let's make it safe for him to do so.
• 37:32
  Same. That's part of advocacy.
• 37:34
  Everybody gets to win in this conversation.
• 37:36
  I love that so much. Where can people find you,
• 37:37
  Tinsley? OK, I've got a great landing
• 37:40
  page, kind of a website. Websites are kind of dead, but
• 37:43
  I've got a great landing page for my book.
• 37:46
  It's Tinsley, english.com, pretty simple.
• 37:49
  You'll find me on LinkedIn. Everybody else, I'm a LinkedIn
• 37:51
  girl. I, I kind of stink at the
• 37:53
  Facebook, Instagram, TikTok stuff.
• 37:55
  My biggest passion right now, now that I've written the book
• 37:59
  is well, number one, speaking on stages about this, going to do
• 38:04
  keynotes about this. I do an hour long midlife
• 38:07
  momentum workshop, which is a virtual deal, can be done with a
• 38:11
  group of ladies on a lunch break.
• 38:13
  And I come in and I've got this cool slide presentation where
• 38:18
  you're answering questions in real time and it's showing up.
• 38:20
  So that's really cool. And then last plug is my sub
• 38:24
  stack account. It's just Tinsley English and
• 38:27
  I'm sending out a weekly Pause Circle newsletter and there's
• 38:31
  obviously different levels of subscriptions but Substack is a
• 38:34
  great way to read some long form stuff for me that maybe I can't
• 38:38
  put in a LinkedIn post because the algorithm seems to be
• 38:42
  depressing women right now. I don't know, I just heard that
• 38:45
  the other day. So I will always be on LinkedIn
• 38:48
  and I don't care if the algo is doing something weird to me, but
• 38:50
  I'm going really deep on Substack.
• 38:53
  I love it. I love it.
• 38:55
  Thanks for being a voice, Thanks for being who you are.
• 38:57
  I adore you and thank you for being on real money.
• 39:00
  We'll see you next time. Thanks, Lisa.