Latest / The Wholehearted Enneagram Podcast / When Self-Awareness Isn't Enough | A Taste of the 2026 Wholehearted Enneagram Summit
Transcript
- 0:00SPEAKER_03: Hey friend, I want to share a little something different today on the podcast.
- 0:05SPEAKER_03: If you've been around this year, you know that we're deep in the year through the type series and we just finished Enneagram five month.
- 0:13SPEAKER_03: Now, before we begin the Enneagram four month, which will unfold beautifully, I want to share what I have been working on all year long.
- 0:22SPEAKER_03: And I think it's going to be one of the most meaningful things that I've invited you to gather around.
- 0:27SPEAKER_03: It's the fifth annual wholehearted Enneagram Summit.
- 0:31SPEAKER_03: It is going to start September 9th, which is just around the corner, and be three days through September 11th.
- 0:37SPEAKER_03: It's free to attend as always.
- 0:40SPEAKER_03: It's online.
- 0:41SPEAKER_03: And the line of this year, it's honestly the best yet.
- 0:45SPEAKER_03: I'm so grateful for how it has all come together.
- 0:49SPEAKER_03: In today's episode, I'm giving you little snippets from the summit.
- 0:54SPEAKER_03: Recordings have already happened.
- 0:56SPEAKER_03: They're already available for those who have an all-access pass and what you can anticipate hearing similar content-wise or the depth and beauty of it throughout the Enneagram summit.
- 1:08SPEAKER_03: So, first up is a sample from my conversation with Sam Eldridge.
- 1:14SPEAKER_03: He's going to be talking about the story you're living and the one God wants to tell instead.
- 1:19SPEAKER_03: Simi, John, and I talk about why everyone is burning out.
- 1:23SPEAKER_03: Sean Palmer and I talk about staying centered even when life collapses.
- 1:28SPEAKER_03: Sarah Jackson has shared a beautiful insight about the fine line between your gifting and grasping.
- 1:36SPEAKER_03: And then Chuck DeGroat is sharing here, and you'll hear a snippet from it on the slow and courageous work of character change.
- 1:43SPEAKER_03: Remember, it's just a handful of the amazing sessions that are either available for those who purchase an all-access pass, or if you get a regular summit ticket, you'll be able to hear all of those and more September 9th through 11th.
- 1:59SPEAKER_03: Now, what makes this summit different is actually the same that has always been here in this community.
- 2:05SPEAKER_03: The Enneagram and Jesus are not kept at a play distance from each other, and self-awareness is just the starting point, not the destination.
- 2:14SPEAKER_03: It's what I teach every single day in this community.
- 2:18SPEAKER_03: And I'm also going to teach live sessions throughout the summit days, the 9th, 10th, and the 11th.
- 2:27SPEAKER_03: It's really amazing content.
- 2:29SPEAKER_03: The Lord has been working in me and preparing me to share when we get to be together and join together for the summit.
- 2:37SPEAKER_03: So I want you to hear that you don't have to be ready in any particular way to jump into the summit.
- 2:43SPEAKER_03: You just need to show up.
- 2:45SPEAKER_03: Of course, as you listen, I've put the links in the show notes so you can get your free ticket or go ahead and grab the All Access Pass and you can see all of these sessions in full already in your wholehearted library.
- 3:00SPEAKER_03: So why do so many of us take so long to walk into that belovedness and are feeling stuck even after they've spent years with spiritual or maybe not even spiritual growth, but self-help books or Enneagram or all the other modality and tools that are out there?
- 3:18SPEAKER_01: Oh, I have so many thoughts on this and so can go so many directions, right?
- 3:22SPEAKER_03: I'm sure, I'm sure.
- 3:23SPEAKER_01: And it's a question I know I've asked myself as well, that's just the maybe some of the places in me that have gone, how much more work do I need to do?
- 3:32SPEAKER_01: How much more do I need to solve, figure out, pray, integrate, have language for?
- 3:39SPEAKER_01: I've called it infinity compressed into a millimeter that it can feel like, oh, it's just right there, but it feels so impossible to make that last jump, that last whatever it is as you're describing, that stuck place.
- 3:54SPEAKER_01: A lot of what I've I have seen, and I have both either personally walked through or walked others alongside, one of them is this question of are we actually off on this trajectory and chasing a an unhealthy but most polished version of ourselves?
- 4:12SPEAKER_01: And actually what we have pushed up against in that pursuit, and we're stuck because we've actually left behind the rest of us.
- 4:21SPEAKER_01: We've left behind what it looks like for us to be operating from a state of health and a state of integration and balance.
- 4:28SPEAKER_01: And so, Amy, I actually think part of it is this baked-in safety mechanism of our own saying, gosh, I could, I could try and add one more behavior.
- 4:40SPEAKER_01: I could try and I'm gonna do something that's really empirically good.
- 4:44SPEAKER_01: I'm gonna do a gratitude practice, or I'm gonna, I'm gonna practice saying no and having some boundary lines more.
- 4:49SPEAKER_01: And on their own, they're very good things.
- 4:52SPEAKER_01: But when we are polishing this version of us that's still convinced we have to become someone else in order to be accepted, oh boy, it's a setup, right?
- 5:03SPEAKER_01: You can go, oh, you can do all of the best practices.
- 5:05SPEAKER_01: You can do the box breathing, you can do the meditation, you can do this or that prayer.
- 5:11SPEAKER_01: And yet at its core, if we're following a line like that, if we're following some core belief of I need to figure out the version of me that's gonna finally be accepted, Amy, it's a setup, right?
- 5:26SPEAKER_01: And actually it would be truly heartbreaking.
- 5:28SPEAKER_01: I think that's the stories that I feel the most grief around.
- 5:31SPEAKER_01: Is a story where the man or the woman finds, oh, I think I've become that version.
- 5:38SPEAKER_01: I think I did it.
- 5:38SPEAKER_01: I've become the version that gets the most acceptance.
- 5:42SPEAKER_01: And it might be the people pleasing, it might be the drivenness, it might be the servanthood.
- 5:47SPEAKER_01: And others, maybe how about this one?
- 5:49SPEAKER_01: You just stopped having needs.
- 5:51SPEAKER_01: And the rest of the world kind of goes, That's fairly convenient for us, actually.
- 5:55SPEAKER_01: Thank you for not having any more needs.
- 5:57SPEAKER_01: And yet it's heartbreaking because of what was sacrificed, and that that actually isn't a model of wholeheartedness.
- 6:05SPEAKER_01: So this particular strain, and the answer of why many people feel stuck, myself included, sometimes it's this are you chasing after a version of yourself that you know to not actually be integrated, true, and authentic, and that is a a portion of you that go, I think that this 60% of me is likely to get connection.
- 6:31SPEAKER_01: So that's the one I'm gonna go polish.
- 6:34SPEAKER_01: Right.
- 6:34SPEAKER_01: Oof.
- 6:36SPEAKER_03: Yeah.
- 6:36SPEAKER_03: And it's exhausting.
- 6:38SPEAKER_03: It's exhausting.
- 6:39SPEAKER_03: See, we're forcing what we assume is the transformation, and instead it's just a lot of maladaptive behavior that misses the core meat all along.
- 6:51SPEAKER_01: Oh my goodness, right?
- 6:52SPEAKER_01: You're like, okay, we'll just add more to that.
- 6:54SPEAKER_01: Here's another thing for you to do.
- 6:55SPEAKER_01: The exhaustion you're describing, it is.
- 6:57SPEAKER_01: You could lay out like, I think, a very robust, what we would call healthy scaffolded life, movement, connection to others, your spiritual life.
- 7:07SPEAKER_01: And if it's just more to do, I think you're gonna get to what Thursday afternoon and just go, I hate that I've created this for myself.
- 7:20SPEAKER_05: I'm so glad to be here, Amy.
- 7:22SPEAKER_05: I am Simmy and I'm a full-time physical therapist.
- 7:26SPEAKER_05: I am a mom of two.
- 7:28SPEAKER_05: I'm a pastor's wife, I'm a speaker author.
- 7:31SPEAKER_05: And I know it sounds like a lot.
- 7:32SPEAKER_05: It is a lot.
- 7:33SPEAKER_05: I was doing that for a long time, all of it at the same time, until my body, mind, and spirit were like, no, no more.
- 7:42SPEAKER_05: And that was 2022 when my tank was completely empty, and I had to quit my full-time job and take a one-year break from my ministry roles of writing and speaking.
- 7:55SPEAKER_05: And I would say it took a whole two-year span to fully heal.
- 7:59SPEAKER_05: But one year was like sitting and experiencing silent and solitude and really being with God to unpack some of the root causes of why I was in this cycle of burnout.
- 8:13SPEAKER_05: Because I would tell you, Amy, that was my first burnout, but that was my second.
- 8:17SPEAKER_05: And so I was like, I can blame the toxic word culture.
- 8:21SPEAKER_05: I can blame everybody, but there has to be a reason why this keeps happening in my life.
- 8:27SPEAKER_05: And so I did a lot of deep inner work and looking at some of the core issues in my own life that shaped me, the little tea traumas.
- 8:36SPEAKER_05: I'm an Enneagram six.
- 8:37SPEAKER_05: I know we're gonna get more into that later.
- 8:39SPEAKER_05: And so unpacking a lot of that really helped me heal.
- 8:44SPEAKER_05: And through that journey, now that I'm on the other side and walking in healing and learning how to be whole and do this thing in a way that honors God and honors my body, mind, and spirit and living my purpose.
- 8:56SPEAKER_05: I want to tell other women that they can do that without hitting burnout.
- 9:00SPEAKER_05: And so I'm super excited to share practical tips and really just how God can and wants to use you in your God-given purpose without you burning out.
- 9:12SPEAKER_03: Absolutely.
- 9:14SPEAKER_03: In fact, I think you must have just been resurfacing when you and I got connected online and maybe it was more you were enjoying Instagram for fun and we were chatting about Enneagram.
- 9:27SPEAKER_03: I know that it's very specific and we can get nuanced, which we will.
- 9:33SPEAKER_03: But overall, what really is burnout?
- 9:36SPEAKER_03: It's a word, a phrase that's tossed around a lot, but what's the real definition or signs even?
- 9:43SPEAKER_05: Yeah, I think burnout is definitely a buzzword right now.
- 9:47SPEAKER_05: It's trending and you see it like all over social media, which is confirmation to me that this is a message that's so important.
- 9:54SPEAKER_05: I know that yes, people are watching are probably like, I think I'm on the verge of it.
- 9:58SPEAKER_05: I don't know if I'm in it or you're in it and you're like, how do I get out of it?
- 10:02SPEAKER_05: So I'm happy that we're having this conversation.
- 10:05SPEAKER_05: I would describe as someone who went through it, I would describe burnout as a deep weariness of the body, mind, and spirit.
- 10:13SPEAKER_05: It doesn't just affect your mind.
- 10:15SPEAKER_05: It doesn't just affect your body, it affects your spirit.
- 10:18SPEAKER_05: It's every part of you is, I don't feel like me.
- 10:22SPEAKER_05: And genuinely, I remember walking out of burnout, and the first words out of my mouth was, I feel like myself again.
- 10:31SPEAKER_05: That's how I would describe it.
- 10:33SPEAKER_05: You just feel lost in all of those areas where you're like, this isn't me.
- 10:37SPEAKER_05: And you don't have words to express it to somebody else because you're so lost, you know, you're so overwhelmed, and you just feel like something is deeply wrong.
- 10:49SPEAKER_03: Yeah.
- 10:50SPEAKER_03: What do you see usually driving burnout beneath the surface?
- 10:55SPEAKER_03: What are some of your telltale signs or indicators?
- 10:57SPEAKER_05: Yeah.
- 10:58SPEAKER_05: So if I could teach a little bit, yeah, please what we go back to school and we learned about massless hierarchy of needs, that triangle, right?
- 11:08SPEAKER_05: We have at the very bottom, that big block is the physiological needs that everybody has, right?
- 11:16SPEAKER_05: I call this the bare necessities of life.
- 11:18SPEAKER_05: These are things that we all need to survive.
- 11:21SPEAKER_05: So it's like food, water, sleep, shell, sleep, right?
- 11:25SPEAKER_05: And those are all things that impact the body.
- 11:29SPEAKER_05: So it's all about the body.
- 11:30SPEAKER_05: And so those are the foundational things that we all need to survive.
- 11:35SPEAKER_05: Without that, we cannot go up to the next block or the block before.
- 11:40SPEAKER_05: But the very top of that pyramid is that self-actualization, hence, you living in your purpose, you feeling worthy, you are doing the thing that gives you joy and you have impact in this world.
- 11:52SPEAKER_05: We all want to get to that level, but the reality is we cannot.
- 12:00SPEAKER_00: Almost everyone has that sense, especially when someone close to them dies, that this must be a dream, that they're gonna walk through the door at any moment, and we're gonna go, like, why did we think what we thought?
- 12:14SPEAKER_00: There's no going back to normal.
- 12:16SPEAKER_00: And this is, I can say this to you, and people can listen to it, but this is a months, maybe years-long process of just coming to there's not gonna be a normal.
- 12:27SPEAKER_00: My acceptance.
- 12:28SPEAKER_00: Yeah, my brother passed away in 2023, and I think my sister-in-law is just starting, it's just starting to dawn on her.
- 12:38SPEAKER_00: Yeah, that she's gonna have to move on and live, she's like 54 right now.
- 12:44SPEAKER_00: There's still a lot of life ahead of her.
- 12:47SPEAKER_00: And then I think once you realize what's normal, regardless of your number, whether you're aggressive, dependent, if you're withdrawing, that when life collapses, you're gonna want to do the thing that's already worked.
- 13:03SPEAKER_00: What you actually need to do is the thing that's never worked before.
- 13:09SPEAKER_03: Yeah, that's so good.
- 13:11SPEAKER_03: Yeah.
- 13:12SPEAKER_00: Because the life that collapsed was the one you built on your strengths, and your strengths can't get you out of this.
- 13:22SPEAKER_00: You need some new tools, and you won't necessarily need them forever.
- 13:28SPEAKER_00: But you'll need some new tools until you can you you can integrate both the old and the new tools.
- 13:37SPEAKER_00: So when my brother Richard died, and what is the last eight months or so for me have been have been inviting me to become more dependent on other people, like to move toward where I talk about it in speaking by the numbers is move toward other people and to both do that while at the same time withdraw, which for me meant for means like really like grieving.
- 14:08SPEAKER_03: Yeah, intentionally.
- 14:10SPEAKER_00: Yeah, to intentionally have time where I sit with things and I let it be without trying to change it.
- 14:19SPEAKER_00: And that one of my favorite thinkers is a guy named Dr.
- 14:22SPEAKER_00: Kelly Flanagan, and he talks about what it means, what he talks about wholeheartedness, which you might be interested in this.
- 14:29SPEAKER_03: Yeah, just a little bit, just a thinking bit.
- 14:32SPEAKER_00: And he talks about wholeheartedness means being able to accept the current situation without judgment or trying to change it.
- 14:43SPEAKER_03: Yeah.
- 14:44SPEAKER_00: And he says this is how we this is how we remain open to other people.
- 14:52SPEAKER_00: Just saw a wonderful book called The Road Less Triggered, and it's really a fabulous resource and has been for me.
- 15:00SPEAKER_00: So those are the kinds of things like when you walk through the numbers, my wife's a one, and so what she wants to do in terms of crisis is shure up everything.
- 15:12SPEAKER_03: Sure.
- 15:13SPEAKER_00: Fix it, yeah, hold it together, and and that's needed, but what she also needs to do in times of crisis is something that's quieter, that's that helps her center herself, that lets her know no one did anything wrong.
- 15:34SPEAKER_03: Yes, yeah, that makes sense.
- 15:37SPEAKER_00: It's almost like if you can invert your natural instinct, regardless of your number, then you can set yourself on a path to seeing more of the picture because healing takes a long time.
- 15:54SPEAKER_04: I mentioned Roll Heiser earlier.
- 15:56SPEAKER_04: I've been really impacted by one of his books called Sacred Fire.
- 16:00SPEAKER_04: He also has one called called A Holy Longing.
- 16:02SPEAKER_04: But he talks about how there's this sort of natural shift that can happen between what he calls maybe the first half of life and the second half of life.
- 16:11SPEAKER_04: And he talks about how in the first half of life, the way that we are built is that we struggle, the struggle that, and by that I think he just means the energy that we're giving, what we wrestle with.
- 16:22SPEAKER_04: The this natural struggle is the struggle to build our life.
- 16:26SPEAKER_04: But as we give ourselves to learning our gifts, learning what does this choice do in my life versus this choice, we play with that freedom a little bit that God has given us.
- 16:35SPEAKER_04: Things happen in this hurting, broken space, or we are hurting others or breaking others.
- 16:43SPEAKER_04: And there is then a realization that oh, as I'm giving my energy to building something, it doesn't always go as planned.
- 16:55SPEAKER_04: And so he says there's this invitation to either give in to resentment, give in to striving, and then use the rest of your life to keep, he doesn't, I don't know that he says grasping, but managing the struggle, like gripping harder, to struggle to build my life.
- 17:13SPEAKER_04: Or a mature person can turn to a new struggle, which is the struggle to give our life away.
- 17:22SPEAKER_04: You got to have something to give away, right?
- 17:25SPEAKER_05: Yeah.
- 17:25SPEAKER_04: And so there's this invitation, often between the first and second half of life, because you've lived enough to realize what you have and what you've lost and all of that.
- 17:34SPEAKER_04: But it can happen earlier.
- 17:36SPEAKER_04: There is this invitation to surrender, which I think I might interpret sometimes as what?
- 17:42SPEAKER_04: I have to just lose everything and start all over again, or I have nothing.
- 17:46SPEAKER_04: No, because it's the same energy.
- 17:49SPEAKER_04: But it is not this desire to build and control my life.
- 17:54SPEAKER_04: It's a desire to walk with Jesus in the way of open-handedness, of generosity, of freedom.
- 18:00SPEAKER_04: He also talks about the struggle to give your death away, which I have nervously not looked at.
- 18:06SPEAKER_04: Wow.
- 18:07SPEAKER_04: Okay, yeah.
- 18:08SPEAKER_04: But, anyways, I do think that the difference between spiritual hustle and spiritual renewal has something to do with this.
- 18:15SPEAKER_04: Where is who is the real agent of this energy?
- 18:20SPEAKER_04: To whom does this gifting of who I am, what I can build really belong?
- 18:27SPEAKER_04: Is this coming from an exhaustible, depletable human source?
- 18:34SPEAKER_04: Or am I dipping into the well of abundant water that doesn't, that doesn't run dry?
- 18:42SPEAKER_04: So practice, practically, this looks like the difference between maybe using my gifts for like a in a reactionary way.
- 18:51SPEAKER_04: Oh, I gotta fix this, I gotta maintain this, I gotta hoard this, versus a more free place, something that naturally flows out of us.
- 18:59SPEAKER_04: Maybe you've maybe our listeners would notice this.
- 19:02SPEAKER_04: And maybe I'm really good at teaching.
- 19:05SPEAKER_04: And there are times where I notice that the strive to teach more or teach better or teach differently.
- 19:14SPEAKER_04: I'm giving energy to what I want, to give energy to what I have a desire, and yet I'm finding that over time I'm being depleted.
- 19:21SPEAKER_04: I'm feeling a sense of disintegration.
- 19:25SPEAKER_04: Um yeah, there are other times when a teacher teaches and maybe they feel tired after giving out their gift, and yet there's some sort of satisfaction, like a place of deep sense of goodness is felt deep down.
- 19:41SPEAKER_04: Do you know?
- 19:41SPEAKER_03: Have you felt the difference in this?
- 19:44SPEAKER_03: Yeah, it's the difference between bone weary and that precipice of burnout to wow, I really gave it all, but that was great.
- 19:55SPEAKER_03: That was there's some life back can narcissism be change?
- 20:05SPEAKER_03: Can there be growth?
- 20:07SPEAKER_03: Can there be transformation?
- 20:08SPEAKER_03: What does that actually look like?
- 20:10SPEAKER_03: And how can we have hope?
- 20:11SPEAKER_03: Maybe for ourselves, but maybe I've been previewed to watching it play out in others, and I wonder, oh, can they ever change?
- 20:18SPEAKER_03: Is that even possible?
- 20:19SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
- 20:21SPEAKER_02: So this is so I wrote this book, When Narcissism Goes to Church, where by the way, there's a whole thing on the chapter on the Enneagram of narcissism through the Enneagram in there too.
- 20:30SPEAKER_02: But I think that's probably the question you just asked, is probably one of the top three questions that came out of that.
- 20:36SPEAKER_02: Can narcissists change?
- 20:37SPEAKER_02: But I think when people ask that, it's not just the person with narcissistic personality disorder, which is a pretty significant diagnosable personality disorder that, you know, is it's the everyday narcissism, I think that a lot of people are asking about, the everyday self-focus on that's the newest book coming out in October, Who You're Becoming, the slow and courageous work of cultivating character change in a narcissistic age, right?
- 21:02SPEAKER_02: And yes, that's I wanted to answer that because I think the work really is slow.
- 21:08SPEAKER_02: And here's where here's the good and the bad of the Enneagram, because the Enneagram sometimes can be used for quick change, like a little personality change.
- 21:18SPEAKER_02: Like uh I I've seen, and this is not your work, right?
- 21:22SPEAKER_02: But I I see work that doesn't that doesn't engage the Enneagram.
- 21:26SPEAKER_02: I mean, I I was introduced to the Enneagram.
- 21:28SPEAKER_02: I sometimes joke, I received the Enneagram into my heart in the late 1990s.
- 21:33SPEAKER_03: That's great.
- 21:34SPEAKER_03: It was there, it was around.
- 21:36SPEAKER_02: It's like uh as a wisdom tool that invites us into deeper conversations with our own lives, our own shadows, as we often say in counseling work with our own wounds.
- 21:46SPEAKER_02: I think that's where good, deep Enneagram warp goes that frees us from ourselves, frees us ideally like the Enneagram warp would free us to love others with a self-giving love, which to me is the antidote to narcissism, right?
- 22:02unknown: Yes.
- 22:02SPEAKER_02: But this kind of self-protective instinct that we have, survival instinct, for many of us goes back to early wounds that that that remain largely unaddressed.
- 22:13SPEAKER_02: And we may know the enneagram, we may, but we can use it as a way of avoiding, well, that's just my oneness or my threeness or my seven-ness or my four-ness, and not really engage a deeper conversation of what's keeping me in survival and self-protection and self-focus in my own narcissism.
- 22:31SPEAKER_02: I may not be narcissistic personality disorder, but I may be living in my life in a way that I'm so profoundly self-protective that I have no energy to show up for others with curiosity, care, or empathy.
- 22:46SPEAKER_02: And that's, I think, when I talk about a narcissistic age, that's what I'm a little bit worried about today.
- 22:51SPEAKER_02: Like there's just an energy, and it especially in a day when it seems like evangelical Christians are winning and um the culture wars, there's such a reactive, polarized, self-protective, fearful energy that isn't the spirit of freedom that Paul talks about in Romans and Galatians and other places, and doesn't manifest in love and joy and peace and patience and kindness.
- 23:17SPEAKER_02: That's what we're looking for, right?
- 23:19SPEAKER_02: Whether it's through a tool like the Enneagram, some counseling or spiritual direction or worship at church, am I becoming more loving, patient, kind, faithful, gentle?
- 23:32SPEAKER_02: Those are the core questions that I'm I've in this season of my life, I'm about at the core.
- 23:37SPEAKER_03: Yes.
- 23:38SPEAKER_03: Yeah again, friend, this is your invitation.
- 23:45SPEAKER_03: Save your free seat at simply wholehearted.com.
- 23:49SPEAKER_03: Registration takes 30 seconds, and again, you can get the completely free option.
- 23:54SPEAKER_03: If you do want to go deeper and you want to have access to the sessions right away, not all of them, but a lot of them will be available through the All Access Pass.
- 24:04SPEAKER_03: And it's just$47.
- 24:06SPEAKER_03: That's it.
- 24:07SPEAKER_03: There's a lifetime of replays, the Summit Workbook, which isn't just fill in the blank.
- 24:13SPEAKER_03: It is an extended workbook with insights around each type.
- 24:17SPEAKER_03: There's exclusive bonuses from speakers like Sarah Hagerty, Chuck DeGroat, Sean Palmer, Sarah Jackson, and more.
- 24:24SPEAKER_03: And through September 11th, if you're hearing this before then, you get a pre-released PDF of my new book, Wholehearted Enneagram, The Journey from Type to Transformation as God's Beloved.
- 24:38SPEAKER_03: It doesn't release until October 6th, but you get that free pre-release with the all access pass.
- 24:45SPEAKER_03: I really think it's the most generous version of this offer that I could ever make.
- 24:49SPEAKER_03: And I don't want you to miss it.
- 24:51SPEAKER_03: I've done this for you.
- 24:52SPEAKER_03: So come as you are, let three days do what understanding alone hasn't, and it'll be so great to see you there.