Latest / The Rochelle Christiane Podcast / 183. Breaking the Cycle: Embracing Growth, Communication, and Connection in Relationships

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183. Breaking the Cycle: Embracing Growth, Communication, and Connection in Relationships · The Rochelle Christiane Podcast

• 0:01
  Speaker 1: Welcome to the emotional mastery podcast.
• 0:03
  Speaker 1: I am your host, Rochelle.
• 0:04
  Speaker 1: I'm a holistic human design health coach and this is a space for human design and spiritual journey.
• 0:10
  Speaker 1: It's not about being a master of your emotions, rather mastering the tools to self-wrangulate, to awakening yourself and remembering who you are.
• 0:18
  Speaker 1: Human design changed my life about five years ago and I've been learning and teaching the system ever since.
• 0:24
  Speaker 1: This podcast is human design meets spirituality, meets astrology.
• 0:27
  Speaker 1: You don't have to have a belief system to be here, just an open mind and curiosity.
• 0:32
  Speaker 1: This is a journey of meeting yourself and awakening to your infinite potential.
• 0:36
  Speaker 1: Now let the magic begin.
• 0:38
  Speaker 1: Welcome back to another episode of the emotional mastery podcast.
• 0:43
  Speaker 1: This conversation was so much fun.
• 0:46
  Speaker 1: I talked to Emily and Stephanie of cycle chats currently break the cycle.
• 0:50
  Speaker 1: They have since rebranded since we had this original conversation.
• 0:54
  Speaker 1: Emily and Stephanie were twin flames, brought together by bright pink lipstick.
• 0:58
  Speaker 1: Though their friendship began with Stephanie stalking Emily through costume racks, they quickly became sisters.
• 1:03
  Speaker 1: They worked together at a children's theater where they were taught, where they taught their students to be brave, thoughtful and, most importantly, themselves.
• 1:10
  Speaker 1: Once the pandemic hit, they both lost their jobs and, as Stephanie says, floated in a pool of insecurity, knowing they couldn't sustain that lifestyle.
• 1:17
  Speaker 1: They both truly missed educating their students, working together and having real conversations about real issues.
• 1:23
  Speaker 1: So cycle chats was born.
• 1:24
  Speaker 1: They started their podcast to help millennial women break the cycle, empower each other through education and inspire each other to start changing the narrative of what it means to be a woman.
• 1:33
  Speaker 1: So here they are at almost 18 months later, forever changed from the amazing women they get to work with and their community of cycle cats who are constantly showing them love.
• 1:42
  Speaker 1: This was such a beautiful conversation and I was on their podcast, formerly cycle chats.
• 1:48
  Speaker 1: They have since rebranded to being called break the cycle, which I absolutely loved, but I was on their podcast actually after they were on this one, but we recorded this one first.
• 1:59
  Speaker 1: So it's just interesting to see the dynamic there.
• 2:03
  Speaker 1: We really really clicked during this specific podcast and so they invited me on their podcast and it was amazing.
• 2:11
  Speaker 1: We talked about so much in this episode.
• 2:14
  Speaker 1: So we talked about you know how they started the podcast the brand change, education around the female cycle, which is so important sex, energetic ties, being in safe and satisfied relationships.
• 2:27
  Speaker 1: So we actually talked a lot about relationships and this was recorded, I believe, back in September.
• 2:33
  Speaker 1: So so much has actually changed for me.
• 2:36
  Speaker 1: If you've been listening and following and just know a little bit, you know maybe Instagram the individual that I was speaking about on this episode I have, since I don't see anymore.
• 2:49
  Speaker 1: It was something about what Stephanie had said to you about being safe and satisfied in a relationship and that you can have both.
• 2:55
  Speaker 1: It doesn't have to be chaotic, it doesn't have to be intense, it doesn't have to be all the toxic things, but also feeling satisfied is a really important factor in a relationship.
• 3:04
  Speaker 1: It's actually funny to listen back, because I don't think I had gone on a date with the reflector at the point of recording this episode.
• 3:12
  Speaker 1: I think we had been talking, but it wasn't moving fast enough for me, we hadn't actually gone out yet, and it's just so funny knowing what I know now and I feel like almost I'm like full circle back with the not moving fast enough and not to say that I need things to be a certain speed or label or anything like that.
• 3:32
  Speaker 1: But I feel like over the last couple months, actually honestly, since we had this conversation since October, there's been so many shifts in my relationships and people I've called in and in situations that have come into my life, that some of them have been tests.
• 3:47
  Speaker 1: I've been doing a lot of the TVM work, so my self worth has gone up a lot.
• 3:51
  Speaker 1: I understand the.
• 3:53
  Speaker 1: I understand just owning my self worth and knowing what I deserve and what I'm calling in.
• 4:00
  Speaker 1: And there is a specific issue that I continue to circle around in this specific situation and it feels to me as though every time I bring it up it is almost avoided not in conversation but the action isn't aligning with the words.
• 4:17
  Speaker 1: And I don't think there is any ill intention there.
• 4:19
  Speaker 1: I just know that it is challenging for me and it makes me feel a little bit rejected, which is my own work to do.
• 4:27
  Speaker 1: But I also believe that there are people out there that want to make their partner feel safe and seen and all the things, and I don't want to, let's say, change anybody, but I think the acknowledgement of the issue is important.
• 4:43
  Speaker 1: So I'm teetering on this edge of I'm walking the line of understanding my self worth and understanding my inner child wants to be seen and so it's a challenging place to be and I talked about it on one of the most recent, more recent podcast episodes.
• 5:00
  Speaker 1: It might have been last week too.
• 5:01
  Speaker 1: I don't know if it was last week or an intro for a prior week, but either way, it feels as though it gets a little bit more challenging at the closer you get to your manifestation, because it just gets a little bit closer and a little bit closer and a little bit closer and it just it's like that shiny carrot.
• 5:17
  Speaker 1: It looks as though it's almost the whole thing, but it's not quite, and so I sort of feel like that's where I'm cycling.
• 5:22
  Speaker 1: But just this conversation.
• 5:23
  Speaker 1: I it's so interesting when I edit these conversations that I had months ago and my own personal evolution since then, and I feel I feel like I've come quite a ways since then, and also there are some times where I feel like I've not moved at all.
• 5:38
  Speaker 1: Right, and so it's just.
• 5:39
  Speaker 1: But we are all duality and we're so dynamic in that and I think that's completely normal part of human evolution, and so I'm just embracing it in a way that I didn't before.
• 5:49
  Speaker 1: So this again, this conversation was really, really beautiful.
• 5:53
  Speaker 1: I'm currently well, this will be released on the full moon in Leo, and so Leo is, you know, dramatic.
• 6:00
  Speaker 1: Leo can be a little bit extra.
• 6:02
  Speaker 1: Leo is generous.
• 6:03
  Speaker 1: Generous, it's warm, it rules the heart.
• 6:06
  Speaker 1: The sun rules Leo, and so it's all these beautiful, warm, shiny big things, and I think this moon is going to be opposite the sun, but it's also going to be opposite Pluto, and so there's an element of Pluto that will be in there as well.
• 6:18
  Speaker 1: And right now, like as I'm recording this so I'm recording this on Tuesday evening the Mars and Venus are opposite the moon and the moon moves pretty quickly.
• 6:28
  Speaker 1: So I know this is probably a passing phase, but I am beyond tired.
• 6:32
  Speaker 1: I'm actually feeling really flushed right now, Like my cheeks like feel like to touch just normal temperature, but I feel hot and that's very like Mars and I feel like, yeah, my emotion I don't feel like emotional, but it's just, it's a weird, it's an interesting energy and I'm not quite sure what it is, but I am so, so, so tired.
• 6:52
  Speaker 1: I am about to do my live on Instagram and just go to bed and probably do a yoga need you're not like a formal meditation and let my body do whatever it's going to be doing, Because today has been exhausting in so, so many ways.
• 7:07
  Speaker 1: So, yeah, the full moon.
• 7:10
  Speaker 1: If you are following my Instagram and if you're not, go follow me on Instagram.
• 7:13
  Speaker 1: I've been doing lives every single day this month and I will be going live on the full moon just talk about the full moon energy.
• 7:19
  Speaker 1: I'll be giving you some journaling prompts, maybe a sort of guided meditation.
• 7:23
  Speaker 1: So something to come on Thursday for sure.
• 7:27
  Speaker 1: So if you don't follow me on Instagram, go follow me over there.
• 7:30
  Speaker 1: It's at Rochellechristian.
• 7:31
  Speaker 1: It's R-O-C-H-E-L-L-E, dot, C-H-R-I-S-T-I-A-N-E.
• 7:36
  Speaker 1: Tiktok is the same.
• 7:37
  Speaker 1: I'm not going live on TikTok this month.
• 7:39
  Speaker 1: I think I'm going to challenge myself to do it next month.
• 7:41
  Speaker 1: Website is Rochellechristiancom.
• 7:44
  Speaker 1: And share this episode with a friend if it resonates.
• 7:46
  Speaker 1: It really, really helps the podcast and rate review, subscribe, literally Spotify.
• 7:51
  Speaker 1: You just click those five stars and that is it.
• 7:54
  Speaker 1: So I hope you have a beautiful full moon doing something really nourishing for yourself, and I will catch you here next week.
• 8:03
  Speaker 1: Welcome, Emily and Stephanie, to the Emotional Mastery Podcast.
• 8:09
  Speaker 1: They are hosts of the Cycle Chats podcast, which is all about breaking the cycle and changing the narrative of what it means to be a woman.
• 8:17
  Speaker 1: I love this theme and I can't wait to really dive into that with you guys and like what that means for you and how you show up and how you're kind of changing this narrative.
• 8:24
  Speaker 1: But to begin, I'll just hand the floor over and let you guys introduce yourselves, you know, together, individually, however you want to do it, and then we can go from there.
• 8:34
  Speaker 2: Who wants to go first?
• 8:35
  Speaker 2: This is always the kicker one.
• 8:36
  Speaker 1: This is the game.
• 8:36
  Speaker 1: This is the game.
• 8:37
  Speaker 3: It's two people we're like who goes first?
• 8:39
  Speaker 2: We should just have a solid set thing at this point, but we really don't.
• 8:43
  Speaker 2: It's always changing and it's always you know.
• 8:46
  Speaker 3: What's solid about it, though, is Emily is always the one to be like.
• 8:49
  Speaker 3: Who's going first?
• 8:50
  Speaker 1: So there we go.
• 8:51
  Speaker 1: We're in insistence on that, at least Consistency in the inconsistency.
• 8:56
  Speaker 2: Anytime, emily, do you want to take it away?
• 8:58
  Speaker 2: You want me to go?
• 8:59
  Speaker 2: Yeah, sure, okay.
• 9:00
  Speaker 2: So my name is Emily Palacios, I am the co-host of Cycle Chats podcast and I am a professor at a few different local colleges here in Florida.
• 9:12
  Speaker 2: Please don't hold that against me.
• 9:14
  Speaker 2: I never planned on staying here, but I love what I do.
• 9:18
  Speaker 2: I teach theater, appreciation, acting one, and I just feel lucky to be able to talk to this next generation of people and hopefully motivate them to be their true, authentic selves, using the techniques and the beautiful, judgment, free and safe environment that theater can provide.
• 9:38
  Speaker 2: I love that.
• 9:41
  Speaker 3: My name is Stephanie.
• 9:42
  Speaker 3: I'm the other co-host of the Cycle Chats podcast and Cycle Chats Network.
• 9:47
  Speaker 3: I have Emily and I met when we were teaching children's theater, so I was also an educator for about seven years and I've been a makeup artist a professional makeup artist for about 13 or 14.
• 10:01
  Speaker 3: So I've been doing that and, yeah, I mean, for me this whole thing has been such such a surprise, because I don't think we expected to be in this place two years later.
• 10:17
  Speaker 2: Right, we're almost three years almost three.
• 10:19
  Speaker 3: It's weird to think, but yeah, so I just I love everything about this because, like Emily said, being an educator you get to bridge that gap of like all the things you love to do, and then you also get to be that person that the little you wanted in life and for me, that's what this has become is like I feel like I'm talking to the younger version of myself all the time, and this was something that I feel like I needed, and I know Emily certainly feels the same way, and so I feel like our platform provides that.
• 10:49
  Speaker 3: So I don't know who is Cycle Chats.
• 10:52
  Speaker 3: I think Cycle Chats is the 15 year old girl that's just trying to figure it out, and hopefully we're like the cool aunts that are helping along the way.
• 11:03
  Speaker 1: I love that and I love the theater theme and connection, because I was telling Emily I'm a single mom and my daughter's 13.
• 11:10
  Speaker 1: And I think she experienced a lot of bullying over the last couple of years in school and I think the one thing that really helped her was theater.
• 11:16
  Speaker 1: She joined a theater group in school and she was always really excited about it and talked about it, and so I know the power of that medium for children is really, really impactful, and so that's really cool.
• 11:27
  Speaker 1: So what was the conversation?
• 11:28
  Speaker 1: So you met during this and what was the conversation behind actually starting this?
• 11:34
  Speaker 2: You want to take it away.
• 11:34
  Speaker 2: You want me to do it.
• 11:35
  Speaker 3: Yeah, go for it.
• 11:36
  Speaker 3: Okay, we'll go back and forth.
• 11:39
  Speaker 3: Emily, stephanie, I like it.
• 11:43
  Speaker 2: Thank goodness we're good ping-pong players, I guess.
• 11:45
  Speaker 2: So we actually.
• 11:48
  Speaker 2: So we lost our jobs when the pandemic hit so many people that happened to.
• 11:52
  Speaker 2: Unfortunately, the children's theater closed down and I was on tour with the show that I do professionally, called Old Jews telling jokes.
• 12:00
  Speaker 2: I was in California, pandemic happened, had to come home because the whole world was in disarray and we, as Stephanie says, were just kind of floating in a pool of not knowing what to do.
• 12:13
  Speaker 2: And then, about six months into it, a friend of ours who also worked at that children's theater and lost her job was like I think we should start a period subscription box company for women.
• 12:26
  Speaker 2: And we're like, oh, it's a fabulous idea.
• 12:28
  Speaker 2: So started everything.
• 12:31
  Speaker 2: We got it going.
• 12:32
  Speaker 2: That business has now since closed, but cycle chats was the idea of well, we're educators, we miss being educators.
• 12:41
  Speaker 2: We miss talking to our students and answering their questions, especially because as educators you get asked a lot of things that they're maybe too embarrassed or too concerned about to ask their parents.
• 12:54
  Speaker 2: So we always felt it was very important to create safe and judgment free zones in both of our classrooms.
• 13:01
  Speaker 2: Even when I teach my college kids, that is one of the first things that I say to them that this is a safe and judgment free environment and the minute that anybody starts spewing hate speech, the door is.
• 13:12
  Speaker 2: That way, I don't stand for that in my classroom.
• 13:16
  Speaker 2: So cycle chats kind of was going to be this educational component of the subscription box so that women could get this understanding of what was going on in our bodies, because there's so much that we just don't know or don't understand because we're not being given the education.
• 13:36
  Speaker 2: That business, like I said, has closed its doors since, and CycleChats is going to be three years in January and she's going strong.
• 13:43
  Speaker 2: We're really, really happy.
• 13:45
  Speaker 2: We have a lot of new things.
• 13:46
  Speaker 2: We're rebranding in the new year, so we will now be the CycleChats Network, our new show, I guess.
• 13:53
  Speaker 2: Should I say the name?
• 13:54
  Speaker 2: Yeah, what the hell, why not?
• 13:57
  Speaker 2: Our new show will be Break the Cycle, with one of the main reasons being that we were really sick of hearing from a lot of people, especially women.
• 14:05
  Speaker 2: They were like well, it's a period podcast and I don't need to listen to that.
• 14:10
  Speaker 2: We are like it's not.
• 14:13
  Speaker 2: Actually, if you would maybe do research and look up the episode titles, you would see that we barely talk about menstruation, but sure.
• 14:21
  Speaker 2: So, just to make sure that doesn't get misconstrued anymore, we're pretty fired up about it, so we were like you know what.
• 14:31
  Speaker 2: It's time to change the name.
• 14:32
  Speaker 2: Cyclechats Network will remain because we have many, many shows under that umbrella, but Break the Cycle is going to be our main podcast and we're going to change it up ever so slightly of how we run things.
• 14:42
  Speaker 2: So we're really excited about it.
• 14:45
  Speaker 1: Yeah, that's amazing.
• 14:46
  Speaker 1: Congratulations, I also think.
• 14:47
  Speaker 1: I mean, I do think the topic of your cycle and your body is so important as women.
• 14:53
  Speaker 1: I know I got off birth control almost two years ago, but I had no idea what it was doing to my body.
• 14:59
  Speaker 1: I had no idea how to understand my body.
• 15:01
  Speaker 1: I had no idea.
• 15:03
  Speaker 1: I was literally on birth control since I was 16 years old, you know, and to come off of it and actually understand how powerful my own body is just changed everything.
• 15:12
  Speaker 1: So I do think it is an important conversation, regardless of whether it's an entire podcast on it or just a few episodes, but still it's definitely definitely impactful for women understanding themselves.
• 15:22
  Speaker 2: Oh yeah, no, that was where she started was to be a podcast about periods and then it just didn't end up divulging into that.
• 15:30
  Speaker 2: But we have had many, many conversations about female health and reproductive issues and everything around the sun.
• 15:39
  Speaker 2: That because there's just like you said, there's so much that we don't know.
• 15:42
  Speaker 2: Stephanie and I were both on hormonal birth control.
• 15:45
  Speaker 2: Stephanie on it for infinitely longer than I was, because I lasted about six months to a year and I just saw really negative results in how I was talking to myself and viewing myself in the mirror and I mean I can't do this anymore.
• 15:59
  Speaker 2: The only factor that is new is the birth control, so this has to be the thing.
• 16:04
  Speaker 2: That's the thing that's in my body that's changing it.
• 16:07
  Speaker 2: So I cut that real quick.
• 16:10
  Speaker 3: What did I think you were on it longer.
• 16:12
  Speaker 2: No, six months to a year, but I couldn't last any longer than that.
• 16:16
  Speaker 3: Yeah, I was on it from the age of 19 to 25, something like that, so I was on it for a really long time.
• 16:27
  Speaker 3: To me that's a really long time, and it was the same thing too.
• 16:31
  Speaker 3: I think it's amazing that we don't know like that's the, the cure.
• 16:36
  Speaker 3: All is like you go in and you're like I'm feeling a little sad.
• 16:39
  Speaker 3: Birth control Ask me birth control, a hard period birth control and I'm like there's got to be another way to do this.
• 16:49
  Speaker 2: Like there are people that have birth control, hormonal birth control we.
• 16:53
  Speaker 2: One of our best friends is on her.
• 16:54
  Speaker 2: She loves it Hormonal birth control and she is absolutely no issues with it.
• 16:57
  Speaker 2: She is doing fabulous.
• 16:59
  Speaker 2: So I think it kind of depends on your own body makeup and really listening to it and understanding like, oh, this does not work for me or this is working for me, but maybe there's another option.
• 17:11
  Speaker 2: You know, steph, I know Steph was just thinking about maybe starting non-hormonal birth control again and you know that's a viable option.
• 17:19
  Speaker 2: And then it's not putting all of those things in your body that may not speak to you and your anus.
• 17:26
  Speaker 1: Yeah, that's definitely something to explore.
• 17:28
  Speaker 1: I've noticed just like being off of it.
• 17:30
  Speaker 1: I think it's this cultural like thing where I, like men, don't like to wear condoms let's just be honest like a lot of them don't.
• 17:38
  Speaker 1: And so it is this thing where it's like OK, how am I going to control my body and not get pregnant and actually be able to enjoy sex at the same time?
• 17:44
  Speaker 1: I think there's like a part of us where it's like if people are refusing to put those on or they don't want to, they have all the excuses.
• 17:50
  Speaker 1: The easier thing is to just write.
• 17:52
  Speaker 1: the easier thing is to just grab some birth control and be like OK, well, let's keep doing it, but yeah so it's like this interesting thing to navigate where, setting that boundary and being like, ok, you know, like I had somebody that didn't want to wear it and I was like, and they're like it's inconvenient.
• 18:04
  Speaker 1: I'm like, well, you know, what's inconvenient is flying me out of the state of Texas to have an abortion because you didn't want to be safe.
• 18:11
  Speaker 2: Oh great, You're also in a red state.
• 18:13
  Speaker 2: Well isn't it so fun to be a liberal Democrat in a red state Right Exactly, and so it's just like it is an interesting conversation.
• 18:20
  Speaker 1: But then also understanding that like hey, I can actually only get pregnant like six days out of the month, which I had no idea.
• 18:25
  Speaker 1: Right, Like I just thought I was like always fertile, Like any time of the month that you, like you know, put it in me I was going to get pregnant.
• 18:31
  Speaker 1: So it's like really like doing that research and I think you know that knowledge in itself is empowering and like understanding, OK, well, if we're going to do it this way, we can, there are ways.
• 18:40
  Speaker 2: So yeah, Now it's very important.
• 18:44
  Speaker 2: It's, it's huge.
• 18:45
  Speaker 2: When we started, like I said, before we hit the record button, we were on somebody else's podcast.
• 18:50
  Speaker 2: She was a very young girl, in her early 20s, and oh my.
• 18:52
  Speaker 2: God, it's.
• 18:54
  Speaker 2: Stephanie and I are guests on the show and of course we're like.
• 18:57
  Speaker 2: We completely took over the show because they had no idea what they were doing and we were like, ok, we're going to do this because clearly you have no idea what's going on.
• 19:06
  Speaker 2: And but part of the conversation, she said that she we had gotten on the talk of sex, which is what their podcast was about, and she was saying that she doesn't like to have sex with condoms.
• 19:20
  Speaker 2: Fine, but, like we were like this is not the message you should be sending, though.
• 19:25
  Speaker 2: Like protected sex is, is is sexy, not I'm going to just randomly hook up with all of these people, because not only is it children, you have to worry about STDs and other things that could affect your body and that could be given by the other person.
• 19:42
  Speaker 2: So it's just like we're like lady, no, listen to us please.
• 19:47
  Speaker 1: Yeah, that's what always kind of blows my mind with like just that idea right, where it's like it's not just the pregnancy, there's so much more, so many other factors.
• 19:55
  Speaker 1: And then even just from an energetic perspective, I feel like when you are, when you are combining like bodily fluids in that way, like just energetically, you know like you are, you're merging in, you know the quantum or whatever you want to call it right, that's just like such so much beyond, just like physical, that I, I personally believe is happening as well.
• 20:13
  Speaker 3: I completely agree with you.
• 20:14
  Speaker 3: I remember it was one I can't remember who it is anymore but there was one individual that I had slept with that I like, for some reason, like, could not like.
• 20:27
  Speaker 3: It felt like we always ended up coming back into each other's lives and that's when I started doing research on that.
• 20:36
  Speaker 3: Like soul, like time, like soul tie cutting and like things like that, and it I mean whether it was actual or not.
• 20:46
  Speaker 3: I did my own sort of ceremony to cut the tie and it felt like I felt a release, because I do think that that's a very intimate thing that you share with someone, and I do think that some people don't always have the best intentions, and so if you still have that energy, you still are drawn back to it.
• 21:08
  Speaker 3: And it could also just be that we're taught that toxic is hot and sexy.
• 21:14
  Speaker 2: And you're like it's not surprise.
• 21:17
  Speaker 3: It's actually so bad for you yeah.
• 21:21
  Speaker 1: Well, and I know like women's bodies just work so much differently than men's, right.
• 21:24
  Speaker 1: I think men's like biologically they have sex and then it sort of it releases, right, whereas women like literally get like addicted and like attached and like all the things.
• 21:33
  Speaker 1: I think it takes like I think I read it takes like 18 months for like a woman to actually like essentially detox from like that man after they have sex with them and like.
• 21:42
  Speaker 1: I mean, I feel like it's true, it's I don't know.
• 21:44
  Speaker 1: I've seen that in my life, kind of the same things, stephanie, there was somebody in my life that, like, I had sex with on the first date and it took me years to like get over this person and the same thing.
• 21:54
  Speaker 1: I was like man, we just it must be like right person, wrong lifetime, like something's happening, yeah, and I do believe that that's also a factor in it Like just for me personally with this person, but there's also more to it, Right, it's just like yeah, you know, what's interesting is it's kind of reminding me of, like when I went through like my really hardcore, like single phase and I was like I'm just going to sleep with everyone.
• 22:17
  Speaker 3: My big thing was like I went into my masculine when I knew I didn't want to get attached.
• 22:22
  Speaker 3: So I would like flip into that, but it felt so unnatural and so uncomfortable because, I mean, emily knows I would call her I'm like I just feel empty.
• 22:32
  Speaker 3: Like it's fun, but I feel empty.
• 22:35
  Speaker 3: Like at the end of the day, I couldn't, I couldn't fully disconnect myself and I still had little things that would come up that I had to deal with.
• 22:45
  Speaker 3: So, yeah, I also think too, it's just such a hassle.
• 22:52
  Speaker 3: It's just so much easier sometimes to be single because you're like, oh man, you know when you're, when you're really in that dating, you're like I think it's just so much easier for me to like be very picky and choosing.
• 23:03
  Speaker 3: And I know that I got to that point where I was like you have to respect me as a human being for me to want to sleep with you.
• 23:10
  Speaker 3: Like I don't care, it could be casual, but I'm not going to do it if you're not going to be respectful to me and my entire being so you can't text me at 10 o'clock at night and be like what's up, or only text me when you're feeling frisky.
• 23:20
  Speaker 3: That's not how this is going to work.
• 23:22
  Speaker 3: You're going to actually care about me as a human, and I had come to find out that most of them did it and I was like, okay, well, I guess single it is.
• 23:31
  Speaker 3: And then, of course, emily.
• 23:33
  Speaker 2: And the universe came together.
• 23:35
  Speaker 3: Emily rolled up those sleeves and said let me just get out of the way, Let me help you with your love life.
• 23:40
  Speaker 3: And she introduced me to somebody and now I'm very in love and it's very healthy and sweet.
• 23:46
  Speaker 3: So I love that Gets better.
• 23:50
  Speaker 1: Did you find that finding something healthy was almost boring in the beginning?
• 23:57
  Speaker 3: So in the very, very beginning, because I dated some people that were healthy-ish.
• 24:06
  Speaker 2: That was a lot of criminals.
• 24:08
  Speaker 3: It was a lot of criminals, but there was.
• 24:10
  Speaker 3: I would say that, all right, let's be honest here.
• 24:12
  Speaker 3: There was one gentleman we split amicably because he is in a different part of Florida.
• 24:17
  Speaker 3: It was very hard to have a relationship.
• 24:19
  Speaker 3: He had his own stuff but he was actually good in a lot of ways.
• 24:24
  Speaker 3: So I will give him credit to that.
• 24:25
  Speaker 3: But prior to that, what I considered, the healthy parts of these little twinkles yeah, in the beginning I was like, oh, that's not fun.
• 24:38
  Speaker 3: But then as I started to go through it, I was like I craved that.
• 24:42
  Speaker 3: I was like dude, I'd rather be bored on a Friday night with my partner than be wondering if they even love me.
• 24:50
  Speaker 3: So it's not boring, it's just you're so used to the constant back and forth and the toxic and that rush that you get of the unknown that stability seems taboo.
• 25:05
  Speaker 3: So I still I mean I wouldn't say I struggle with it Like, oh, I struggle with it.
• 25:11
  Speaker 3: But I have moments where I feel like I'm looking for problems.
• 25:16
  Speaker 3: You know, my therapist is like you're so good at being in chaos that being in stability feels uncomfortable.
• 25:24
  Speaker 3: So you have to get good at being uncomfortable in stability, so that becomes your new norm and I'm like yeah, but.
• 25:32
  Speaker 3: And she's like there is no but.
• 25:34
  Speaker 3: You have to get comfortable and it's going to feel weird for a while because you're finally pulling yourself out of it, because then you're going to have cycles, right, we're humans.
• 25:42
  Speaker 3: We all go back to what's quick, what's easy.
• 25:45
  Speaker 3: What's that swipe to the right, left, whatever it is.
• 25:48
  Speaker 3: So I wouldn't say it's boring now.
• 25:51
  Speaker 3: Now I find it actually very exciting.
• 25:53
  Speaker 3: I'm like, oh yeah, stability really gets me, gets me going, you know.
• 25:59
  Speaker 1: I love that.
• 25:59
  Speaker 1: I have been in a couple of use of relationships in my past and so I'm currently like dating somebody that is like healthy and safe and all the things, and I find myself feeling very much like again I don't want to say it's boring, because it's, it's not.
• 26:15
  Speaker 1: It feels like it's got comfortable quick, and there's a part of me that wants the chaos, it wants that activated nervous system, and so I've noticed myself like yeah, like you said, sort of creating that or like reaching out to people from my past or things like that, just to sort of like.
• 26:28
  Speaker 1: And I'm and there's a part of me that's like, but can't I have the excitement and the safety at the same time?
• 26:33
  Speaker 3: Like is there a way to like have both of?
• 26:35
  Speaker 1: them, and so I'm like, is this person just maybe not for me?
• 26:38
  Speaker 1: Or am I just going through these cycles because it's normal and it's safe?
• 26:43
  Speaker 1: And like with attachment styles, right, they always I've heard so many times them saying like somebody who's a secure attachment style is boring to people who are insecure, right, because it's just not what we're used to, right, and I think that nervous, that that activated nervous system becomes this like adrenaline rush, you know, yeah, and astrologically I have my Jupiter in the eighth house and Pisces, and so I just feel like sometimes the darkness and the depth just like expands me in a way, and so there's a part of me that's like maybe it's just a part of who I am and that's okay, you know, I don't know, it's just anyway, that was okay.
• 27:13
  Speaker 3: So I got to tell you something because I had.
• 27:16
  Speaker 3: So I went through an anxiety disorder.
• 27:18
  Speaker 3: I got better from it.
• 27:20
  Speaker 3: I had to go.
• 27:21
  Speaker 3: I mean it was like went through many therapists, meds, hospital, the whole nine.
• 27:25
  Speaker 3: So I'm on the other side of it.
• 27:27
  Speaker 3: But I had in the past.
• 27:30
  Speaker 3: I was like, let me try to go with a psychologist, maybe they'll give me more insight.
• 27:36
  Speaker 3: And I was going through like one of my the biggest, probably relationship breakup and she said you know, I hear that you sound like you sound safe, like it feels safe for you.
• 27:46
  Speaker 3: Like yeah, she goes, but are you satisfied?
• 27:48
  Speaker 3: I was like, yeah, well, I'm safe, I feel safe with him.
• 27:51
  Speaker 3: She goes.
• 27:51
  Speaker 3: That's not what I'm asking you Are you satisfied?
• 27:54
  Speaker 3: Because being safe and being satisfied are two completely different things and you can have both, but it sounds like you only have one and the other one isn't there.
• 28:05
  Speaker 3: And then, like we worked on how do you get to be satisfied?
• 28:09
  Speaker 3: And I was like, oh my God, and it just like absolutely rocked my world.
• 28:15
  Speaker 3: Because I was like, yeah, I got it.
• 28:17
  Speaker 3: Because I we look sometimes at the opposite shoe right Is like, well, this person is safe.
• 28:24
  Speaker 3: But they're not really aligned with some of the things that I like to do.
• 28:28
  Speaker 3: So you're not really satisfied.
• 28:31
  Speaker 3: And if you can't work that through like, I'll give you an example of the relationship that I have, the gentleman who didn't live here.
• 28:38
  Speaker 3: He lived on the other coast.
• 28:40
  Speaker 3: I felt safe with him.
• 28:43
  Speaker 3: I think the two of us weren't satisfied because we weren't together, we weren't near, we had two different lifestyles and we started to bicker a lot.
• 28:54
  Speaker 3: I was like this doesn't feel healthy anymore.
• 28:56
  Speaker 3: This is actually starting to feel like we're going down a bad path.
• 29:00
  Speaker 3: I think that's a good distinction to make is that I feel safe, but am I satisfied?
• 29:08
  Speaker 3: I started to make a list and there were just really major things in that particular relationship when I was talking to the psychologists that were big standouts to me, that I was like I'm not satisfied in this arena and I don't think it's going to get better.
• 29:21
  Speaker 3: It was like family issues with his mom and she was so, so, so, overbearing and he didn't know how to set boundaries and she just crossed the final line with me.
• 29:36
  Speaker 3: I was like I can't keep doing this anymore.
• 29:38
  Speaker 3: I think how do we find the balance and how do we know if it's us and how do we know if it's the relationship and how do we know if it's the other person?
• 29:53
  Speaker 3: I sound bored off of Emily because I'm a big fight, flight freezer fawn.
• 29:56
  Speaker 3: I'm like that's it, I'm done, I'm out of here, screw it, I'm just going to be single, I don't need this anymore.
• 30:03
  Speaker 3: And Emily's like, okay, let's talk ourselves maybe off the ledge, because when it comes to relationships, I find that she's a very secure attachment because she's just had to do the work, and so for me, I went from very anxiously attached to very avoidant, and then now I fall somewhere right in the middle.
• 30:24
  Speaker 3: It's called it's like a dysregulated attachment.
• 30:28
  Speaker 3: Disorganized attachment.
• 30:29
  Speaker 3: Disorganized, yeah, and I'm like what the hell man?
• 30:34
  Speaker 1: Yeah, that's what mine is too, and I notice so much in relationships where somebody is super available.
• 30:39
  Speaker 1: I'm dismissive when I'm like it's too easy, I don't want it, but then when I have to chase them, I get excited and then I'm like I want you to look at me and so, yeah, I'm just trying to find that balance of coming back to just that secure place where and I think that's what's so important kind of like how we started this conversation with birth control, hormonal birth control, whatever tuning into your body.
• 30:57
  Speaker 1: Because since I've gone off of it and I also so I was sober for about a year I started drinking a little bit over the last month or so, but just like, kind of dipping my toes in just to see Like, yeah, but I'm like, but I noticed that I'm so much more in tune with my body and I'm able to sense what my body is trying to tell me, and then get all this bullshit stories that my mind wants to tell me out of the way, right, and so when I do feel that like fight, flight, freeze, fawn thing where I can be like, ok, let's come back, how are we feeling right now?
• 31:29
  Speaker 1: Like what is our actual truth in this situation, instead of just being like oh my gosh, well, because this person did this and this means this from my past and it's going to mean this, and you know what I mean Like it's so much chaos sometimes and it's like just putting it here for a minute and then my partner.
• 31:44
  Speaker 3: Now.
• 31:45
  Speaker 3: We have been talking a lot about past relationships.
• 31:48
  Speaker 3: I was in a very long term one, he was in a long term one, and it comes up from time to time and with his it's more.
• 31:56
  Speaker 3: They were on and off a ton and so, but more recently they were they when they broke up the last, you know the 18th million time he was like I'm like done, done, and then we met and we started dating whole thing, but it's it's one of those were like we'll have conversations about Still having not feelings, feelings, but like still having love for that person, which I totally get, because I still have love for my one, x.
• 32:24
  Speaker 3: That was very, very, very long term, like we were best friends for like 15 years.
• 32:27
  Speaker 3: It was a whole thing.
• 32:29
  Speaker 3: And you know we were talking today about like reaching out eventually when you heal to be like how are you?
• 32:36
  Speaker 3: Have you found someone?
• 32:37
  Speaker 3: I wish you well, not necessarily creating like a friendship, but being civil, to be able to be cordial with each other.
• 32:44
  Speaker 3: And he was so good and I didn't even realize it in the moment.
• 32:49
  Speaker 3: He was like I don't want you to get in your head, I want you to know that this is just a conversation I love you and like reassured me.
• 32:59
  Speaker 3: And I couldn't.
• 33:00
  Speaker 3: I like I was like, well, I'm going to think about it, like now I'm going to start like overthinking it.
• 33:05
  Speaker 3: And like he actually offered to drive me to work today, he's like I, can I drive you to work today?
• 33:11
  Speaker 3: I was like OK, and he goes, see, now, you can't overthink it when you're by yourself in the car.
• 33:16
  Speaker 3: And like we were talking and I and it's weird, right, because I never thought I would that I'm like deserving of this kind of treatment.
• 33:25
  Speaker 3: And to me that's a very simple thing that he did.
• 33:28
  Speaker 3: But that's a really big deal is that my partner saw that I was going to be in my head about it.
• 33:35
  Speaker 3: He's perceptive enough.
• 33:36
  Speaker 3: And then he said I'm going to reassure you and then I'm going to make sure that, like I continue to show you.
• 33:42
  Speaker 3: And I was like, why do you do that?
• 33:43
  Speaker 3: And he said because I didn't have somebody that reassured me, I was on my own and that's a really hard feeling.
• 33:49
  Speaker 3: And so, like Emily's husband does that with her it's he'll be like what's the thing he mostly is like did you eat?
• 33:57
  Speaker 3: Did you take a break?
• 33:58
  Speaker 3: He like forces her to like I'm go, go go.
• 34:01
  Speaker 2: I can't stop.
• 34:02
  Speaker 2: I won't stop, can't stop, won't stop, which is terrible.
• 34:05
  Speaker 2: And I'm I am much better.
• 34:07
  Speaker 2: But I am so thankful for him because he'll be like, did you take time for yourself today?
• 34:13
  Speaker 2: And I'm like, no, I haven't.
• 34:14
  Speaker 2: It's like, why don't you just like go sit on the couch and watch some good TV and just maybe have a good cry, have a little food?
• 34:22
  Speaker 2: I'm like, ok.
• 34:23
  Speaker 2: So because he's like trained me to realize those moments, because he is so perceptive of me, we've been together.
• 34:31
  Speaker 2: We just celebrated seven years.
• 34:35
  Speaker 2: I I now know and can sense it in myself and go no, emily, today it's time to take a break.
• 34:40
  Speaker 2: You just worked for two hours.
• 34:42
  Speaker 2: Take a 30 minute break and then you can get back to it.
• 34:44
  Speaker 2: Working for a full four hours is not going to be good for you and you can't do that to yourself, your brain, your mind, like.
• 34:51
  Speaker 2: Today I was very overwhelmed with my to-do list because I have to go over my aunt's house and help her move tomorrow Not my choice.
• 34:59
  Speaker 2: My mother volunteered me for the job and can't wait for that.
• 35:05
  Speaker 2: Hope everyone finds me OK after tomorrow.
• 35:09
  Speaker 2: I need all the help I can get to get through it.
• 35:12
  Speaker 2: But so today I have to jam everything that I typically do within two days, I have to do it into today and I was like, oh my God.
• 35:22
  Speaker 2: So before I even started cleaning, because my husband works full time and now he's also in a master's program I am a math, I graduated with my master's degree, I know what it's like.
• 35:32
  Speaker 2: So that's very difficult and hard to you know.
• 35:36
  Speaker 2: Try and find balance within that, because the relationship that we had, where we could spend all this time together, is now Very, very limited.
• 35:43
  Speaker 2: We'll maybe be able to spend an hour together a night before it's bedtime for both of us, and then on the weekends he's working all day and finally, like last night, he wasn't done until 8 30.
• 35:54
  Speaker 2: So we got 30 minutes before we went to bed and you know it is difficult sometimes.
• 36:00
  Speaker 2: But today, before I started cleaning, I started feeling very, very overwhelmed and I was like whoa, chill out, man, you're OK, you're going to get through it and it's going to be totally fine, emily.
• 36:13
  Speaker 2: I was like you've got this.
• 36:14
  Speaker 2: I took a deep breath and I went on, so I'm able to now like catch it.
• 36:20
  Speaker 2: So I always tell him I'm so thankful for him for that, because I never had a relationship where anybody tried to take care of my mental health.
• 36:29
  Speaker 1: Yeah, that's beautiful and both like I feel like those are expanders for me to like remind myself that it is possible to have somebody who can be attentive in that way and be just Just concerned or care about you, right in your mental health and like what you're experiencing and your feelings and emotions, and because I think, like obviously it's so easy to just come from our own projections, you know, and I think that's obviously like a lot of the relationships where I've been in, where sisters like blame and finger pointing and gas and all that stuff, you know, and it's just, it's exhausting, like I just can't.
• 37:01
  Speaker 1: And that's where I feel like my current situation, like if I get upset or something, there's the actual conversation and I'm like whoa, yeah, it's like it's impossible, you know crazy.
• 37:11
  Speaker 1: Yeah, I hope like apologize, like I'm sorry you felt that way or like whatever, not in like a.
• 37:15
  Speaker 1: What's the word I'm looking for?
• 37:17
  Speaker 3: like a condescending way.
• 37:18
  Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, or like a manipulative way or like anything other than just being like truly, like, sorry that I made you feel that way.
• 37:25
  Speaker 3: Isn't it wild.
• 37:26
  Speaker 3: I had my partner and I.
• 37:29
  Speaker 3: I couldn't even explain the whole story, but he was like I apologize that I made you feel bad, and then I crossed a boundary and I will not do that again.
• 37:42
  Speaker 3: And I'm like what?
• 37:44
  Speaker 3: And I like didn't know how to, like process, and I was like are you effing with me?
• 37:49
  Speaker 3: Like you're gonna dangle this over my head?
• 37:52
  Speaker 3: But like then that's and that's something that I've had to explain to him too is I'm like I am not used to somebody taking accountability and not using it against me.
• 38:02
  Speaker 3: It's like wild to me, you know, and I think I think that's like a weird right of passage and unfortunate right of passage that women have to go through.
• 38:14
  Speaker 3: It's like why, why must we go through this, this turmoil of being with unhealed people, but more so than that, who are raising these men?
• 38:25
  Speaker 3: That's what I, that's what I've.
• 38:27
  Speaker 3: Really.
• 38:27
  Speaker 3: I'm like it's not the guy, it's like somebody's raising them to be like this, so like, and I think that's why it's important we have these conversations as women, because if we choose to have offspring and they happen to be boys, how do we, how do we teach them that they can't be that way?
• 38:48
  Speaker 3: And even women too.
• 38:50
  Speaker 3: I've met women who are incredibly manipulative or have laid their hands on their partner and I'm like that's wrong, that's wrong and you can't do that.
• 38:58
  Speaker 3: That's like terrible.
• 38:59
  Speaker 3: Like don't lead someone on if you're not.
• 39:01
  Speaker 3: You know, and I've seen my male friends have to to deal with horribly abusive partners and women being like well, because I'm a woman, you can't hit me.
• 39:10
  Speaker 3: And I'm like okay, like you can't just go up into someone's face and be like, oh, he can't lay his hands on me.
• 39:19
  Speaker 3: I'm like you're going to find an a-hole who does, and you're going to it's not going to feel good, you know.
• 39:24
  Speaker 3: So I just I think mental health should be something we talk about, no matter your gender.
• 39:31
  Speaker 3: I think it's incredibly important that we have these discussions and that we open the door for them, and Emily and I talk about it all the time.
• 39:39
  Speaker 3: So like the only way it's going to get better is to talk about it, and like Emily's husband is a phenomenal man and him and I have we've gotten into our things because I've been very like I got real manhady there for a while and that was my own projection of my, my hurts, and I actually apologized to him and I was like I am so sorry that I was ever so incredibly rude about men and dismissive with you in the room Because I did.
• 40:10
  Speaker 3: I felt I I could have cared less.
• 40:13
  Speaker 3: I was like his feelings don't matter, but his feelings did matter and it was his home, no-transcript.
• 40:23
  Speaker 3: I think that's the goal, hopefully with these conversations, because him and I have had great conversations about mental health and spiritual growth and I think we're encouraged to feel our emotions, whereas men are not.
• 40:41
  Speaker 3: And so I feel like that encouragement is going to be what shifts that paradigm.
• 40:47
  Speaker 3: And I always try to ask to men who do have that I'm like how were you raised?
• 40:52
  Speaker 3: What were you raised around?
• 40:53
  Speaker 3: A lot of times they'll say can we guess what it is that they say?
• 40:58
  Speaker 2: What Very, very emotional or not emotional.
• 41:00
  Speaker 3: Like men that you're like wow, you get it.
• 41:02
  Speaker 3: That's unbelievable.
• 41:04
  Speaker 2: They were raised around women.
• 41:05
  Speaker 3: There.
• 41:05
  Speaker 3: I was raised around women always and I'm like still.
• 41:10
  Speaker 3: Yeah.
• 41:11
  Speaker 2: I always love men who have sisters.
• 41:13
  Speaker 2: My husband doesn't have sisters.
• 41:14
  Speaker 2: He has a younger brother but one of the first things that I found so attractive about him was his ability to be vulnerable and to also have humility with like all the shit that he went through because he had a stroke when he was three.
• 41:29
  Speaker 2: So he has something called hemiparalysis, has the left side of his body is basically it's there but and it's functional somewhat.
• 41:37
  Speaker 2: And when I, when I first met him, I did not know and I was a little rude because I had been on so many dates where people had basically catfished me and I was like, oh Ron, this this guy is something's fucking wrong with him too.
• 41:53
  Speaker 2: So I was a little mean and we sat down, had a beer and he was like so I had a stroke when I was three and I was like, oh my God, I'm the worst.
• 42:02
  Speaker 2: I'm just the worst person in the entire world.
• 42:05
  Speaker 2: I'm so sorry, I did not know, and he was just so lovely about it and all of this shit that he went through with bullying, of course, constantly, because kids are mean and terrible.
• 42:16
  Speaker 2: He's just the best person because he's constantly making me grow and we're.
• 42:24
  Speaker 2: It's funny, we were just outside last night and we were talking about how we get one another out of like the wheel turn, and he was like do you think you do that for me?
• 42:35
  Speaker 2: And I was like is this a trick question?
• 42:37
  Speaker 2: Like yes, I think I do.
• 42:40
  Speaker 2: He goes how.
• 42:40
  Speaker 2: I was like well, you know, when you're working really hard on schoolwork and you're up in the office, I'm downstairs and I go, do you want to go for a walk?
• 42:50
  Speaker 2: And he goes.
• 42:52
  Speaker 2: Sometimes he'll say no and I'll ask again do you want to go for a walk?
• 42:56
  Speaker 2: And then he'll say yes.
• 42:57
  Speaker 2: The second time I go.
• 42:59
  Speaker 2: That's my way to get you out of it, because I know that you've been on that computer for three hours making perfection in your mind and you need to go outside.
• 43:09
  Speaker 2: So I'm like that's, that's how I typically do it for you.
• 43:12
  Speaker 2: So it was an interesting conversation, something that I've also asked yeah, I was very confused.
• 43:18
  Speaker 2: I was like alarmed that.
• 43:19
  Speaker 2: I was like maybe I'm not doing this for you.
• 43:21
  Speaker 2: I'm so sorry, but no, I definitely do.
• 43:23
  Speaker 2: But we just, like I said, celebrated seven years of being together and something that we do on our anniversary of meeting one another, and then on our wedding anniversary, we have conversations about twice a year.
• 43:35
  Speaker 2: I mean, we'll have conversations constantly, but we almost have like post martyrs on our relationship and how it's going.
• 43:42
  Speaker 2: What are the things that we think that we can work on?
• 43:43
  Speaker 2: What are the things that we think that we're doing really well?
• 43:45
  Speaker 2: How do we want to show up better for one another?
• 43:48
  Speaker 2: How can we show up better for ourselves?
• 43:50
  Speaker 2: And we just have an honest conversation about these things, and it makes it really easy then to like set goals, like, okay, we'd like to spend more time together.
• 44:00
  Speaker 2: How are some ways that we can do that, so that we feel like we're communicating better with our very limited amount of time right now?
• 44:06
  Speaker 2: Let's sit down at the dining room table with dinner instead of eating in front of the TV, where we're really not talking and, of course, we're enjoying what we're watching, and I love watching all of our really nerdy TV shows together.
• 44:18
  Speaker 2: But I want to sit and talk with you at the end of your day.
• 44:21
  Speaker 2: I want to listen to you.
• 44:22
  Speaker 2: No phones, I want that time and that's something that we've been doing.
• 44:27
  Speaker 2: It's infinitely made our relationship that much better.
• 44:31
  Speaker 2: So, like setting little things like that and just having, like hey, remember that thing that happened.
• 44:36
  Speaker 2: I didn't really like that.
• 44:38
  Speaker 2: I'm wondering if maybe we can work on sex, talk Like are we enjoying how much time we're having sex?
• 44:43
  Speaker 2: No, we want to have it more.
• 44:45
  Speaker 2: Okay, well then, let's make sure that we set it in the schedule, because we're both very busy and unfortunately, it can't just be spur of the moment, like it is somewhat has to be scheduled out.
• 44:56
  Speaker 2: Like during the week is a no go for us.
• 44:58
  Speaker 2: That would be crazy.
• 44:59
  Speaker 2: We're both way too tired and we're way too hard.
• 45:02
  Speaker 2: So weekends awesome.
• 45:04
  Speaker 2: Let's schedule and make sure that we're doing that to show each other we love one another.
• 45:08
  Speaker 2: Like there's just little things here and there.
• 45:11
  Speaker 2: I don't know if many people do that or if we're just, like, one of the random humans that sit down and like have honest conversations with one another, but we find that very helpful.
• 45:21
  Speaker 3: Well, and also to you guys live together and I think that's that.
• 45:24
  Speaker 3: I think that's so important, that you like yes, I think if you don't live together, schedule that out.
• 45:29
  Speaker 3: But I think if you're living together, it's easy to get caught up in routine to the point where, like you don't actually realize the things that aren't working.
• 45:38
  Speaker 3: Oh yeah, I can imagine it's like they left a dish in the sink.
• 45:42
  Speaker 3: You know, it's like shit, like that.
• 45:44
  Speaker 3: I think it's good to have a discussion about little things.
• 45:47
  Speaker 2: Yeah, well, because it can grow, and then yeah, yeah, like his socks, he leaves the socks everywhere.
• 45:52
  Speaker 2: I'm like dude.
• 45:54
  Speaker 2: I don't want to come up and pick up these socks, dude.
• 45:56
  Speaker 2: But yeah, conversation is so important, communication is so important.
• 46:03
  Speaker 2: It's just.
• 46:04
  Speaker 2: I think that's the biggest thing for us.
• 46:06
  Speaker 2: I mean, we've lived together basically as long as we've we've been together.
• 46:10
  Speaker 2: Three months into our relationship we moved in because we were like we're going to do this, what's what's happening?
• 46:15
  Speaker 2: When we did it and it worked and we're like solid, let's keep going.
• 46:18
  Speaker 3: That's what I love about Emily too, because my partner and I are like, oh yeah, we should move in together, but is it too soon?
• 46:23
  Speaker 3: I'm like we moved in like three months into our relationship Three months in a day?
• 46:26
  Speaker 2: All right, I mean listen.
• 46:27
  Speaker 2: People will think that I'm crazy.
• 46:29
  Speaker 2: It's all good.
• 46:30
  Speaker 3: I felt like I was love bombing my partner because four days and two hours into the first date, I texted Emily.
• 46:36
  Speaker 3: I was like I am in love and she's like what?
• 46:38
  Speaker 3: And I'm like I'm not kidding, like so I don't know it's.
• 46:45
  Speaker 3: I think it's also having to like knowing yourself is so important too.
• 46:50
  Speaker 3: Like you don't have, and this is the thing everyone's like you have to be totally healed to be in a relationship.
• 46:56
  Speaker 3: I'm like hell.
• 46:56
  Speaker 3: No, I think there's going to be things in a healthy relationship that you actually heal better and like that's.
• 47:02
  Speaker 3: I think what my, my partner and I are going through is like old wounds of those past two really big relationships.
• 47:10
  Speaker 3: I think we're actually healing by talking about them and by bringing up the things that we like and don't like, and I couldn't do that with anybody else because they'd get, they'd be like I don't want to talk about Xs and I'm like, well, I do, you know, like I needed to and like he's open to that and he's and he'll tell me about his, and we go back and forth and we find like like a healing in that.
• 47:32
  Speaker 3: I don't know.
• 47:33
  Speaker 3: It's weird, so I don't.
• 47:35
  Speaker 3: I don't think you have to be totally like in love with yourself and like, completely, like not, must stay healed in order to move into a relationship.
• 47:45
  Speaker 3: I think a good one will actually challenge you.
• 47:47
  Speaker 1: Yeah, I completely In the right ways.
• 47:50
  Speaker 1: Yeah, no, I completely agree, and I think communication is so important and sometimes it's like awkward where you don't want to hurt the other person's feelings but like, as I'm navigating dating and like experiencing and reflecting on like my like significant relationships, communication was absolutely not there, because I was such a people pleaser.
• 48:04
  Speaker 1: I was like, just let me know how you want me to show up so that you love me, you know, and so my journey has been that.
• 48:10
  Speaker 1: And I do remember after I got divorced, I was going to therapy and I didn't date for like two and a half years or something like that, and my therapist was like you know, rachelle, it's really great that you're doing this work, but she's like in relationships was where your trust was broken, it was only in relationships where it's going to be built back up, so you're going to have to be vulnerable and open up again and I was like damn it.
• 48:33
  Speaker 2: Emily don't say that to me.
• 48:36
  Speaker 3: Emily said the same thing.
• 48:38
  Speaker 3: It talked about the same thing.
• 48:40
  Speaker 3: Like my therapist said it and Emily also said it.
• 48:43
  Speaker 3: She's like you got it, you got to be willing to get hurt Because you're not going to know, you're never going to know.
• 48:50
  Speaker 3: And like, yeah, it's God, don't you hate when they do that.
• 48:53
  Speaker 3: You're like stop it.
• 48:55
  Speaker 2: Right Telling me these things.
• 48:56
  Speaker 2: What am I paying you for?
• 49:00
  Speaker 3: Tell me what I want to hear.
• 49:01
  Speaker 2: Yeah, only good things.
• 49:03
  Speaker 1: How dare you?
• 49:03
  Speaker 1: Yeah, well, I love that too.
• 49:05
  Speaker 1: I know, when I was like looking through and like you know that you have that saying the narrative, you know changing the narrative of what it means to be a woman, and literally in the back of my mind I was like what does that mean for the masculine?
• 49:15
  Speaker 1: Because I think, like you can't change the narrative of a woman as a feminine right Without like this conversation of like what that means for men, right, and how they show up and how we nurture them.
• 49:24
  Speaker 1: Because I'm a single mom.
• 49:25
  Speaker 1: My son is seven and so I watch him as he navigates, being around basically women.
• 49:30
  Speaker 1: His father's not in the picture.
• 49:31
  Speaker 1: My dad shows up for him and that's cool, but he also doesn't have like a strong male model around.
• 49:36
  Speaker 1: So I worry about that, like, is he gonna?
• 49:39
  Speaker 1: What is he gonna be like when he grows up, you know, and trying to nurture his sensitivities.
• 49:42
  Speaker 1: And he's astrology he's a Scorpio rising with, you know, mars on his ascendance.
• 49:47
  Speaker 1: So he's just very intense and passionate and you know, I can already see all those things at his age.
• 49:52
  Speaker 1: And you know, when he cries and you know somebody unhealed is like stop crying, you know, and I'm just like, dude, what are you thinking?
• 49:59
  Speaker 1: Like?
• 50:00
  Speaker 1: What are you feeling?
• 50:00
  Speaker 1: What's going on?
• 50:00
  Speaker 1: Let's talk about it.
• 50:01
  Speaker 1: You know, I'm like.
• 50:02
  Speaker 1: I'm like it's normal to be angry, it's normal to be frustrated, it's normal to have all these emotions, but what are you doing with them?
• 50:08
  Speaker 1: You know, hitting isn't the solution, spinning isn't the solution.
• 50:10
  Speaker 1: You know, it's like finding healthy ways to navigate that.
• 50:15
  Speaker 1: And I just like watched him, his, they went away this summer for a couple of weeks and he was with his grandfather and he came back and well, his, the, his grandfather flew out here to get them and brought them back.
• 50:27
  Speaker 1: And so we were sitting on the couch and he says to him he goes Grampy when we are in.
• 50:31
  Speaker 1: They were in Florida.
• 50:32
  Speaker 1: He's like Grampy when we're in Florida.
• 50:33
  Speaker 1: And you got like really mad about I don't even know what it was, but something about like the snacks were at the bottom of the truck and he was already having a bad day or whatever.
• 50:40
  Speaker 1: So I guess he like got a little.
• 50:42
  Speaker 1: He was just like why are you so aggressive?
• 50:43
  Speaker 1: And I was like watching him ask that.
• 50:45
  Speaker 1: I was like that's an interesting question.
• 50:46
  Speaker 1: And so his grandfather was like, well, you know, Christian, he was like I was really tired, I was just really frustrated.
• 50:51
  Speaker 1: He's like I handled it incorrectly.
• 50:53
  Speaker 1: He's like but you know, I was just really and I was like watching this, this dialogue between my seven year old son and my, you know, 60 something year old, like ex-father-in-law, and I'm like, wow, that is like so.
• 51:04
  Speaker 1: I was just so impressed with my son to have that conversation and not just be like men are you know what I mean so like or whatever story could have been attached that the fact that he asked them that I was like mind blown.
• 51:17
  Speaker 3: But isn't that so beautiful and like?
• 51:18
  Speaker 3: That's why I think, regardless of gender, we all we don't it's all learned stuff Like you can't honestly sit here and tell me a kid is born and immediately, I think they're born with every emotional thing, but they don't know how to properly utilize it.
• 51:37
  Speaker 3: So it's up to us as adults to like teach them that.
• 51:41
  Speaker 3: And so the fact that he was like why did you get?
• 51:43
  Speaker 3: Like there was a curiosity there, and I think that's really beautiful and kind of nice how the ex-father-in-law responded to like you know, because that's that's a big deal, because the kids probably going to think about that next time is like oh, you know, it's like I think it starts, I think it gives them critical thinking, because that's starting to give them like reason as to why I feel this thing.
• 52:11
  Speaker 3: And like my nephew is one, and I guess today my brother sent me a picture.
• 52:17
  Speaker 3: He was on the floor, his face was down, he had his cup in his hand.
• 52:20
  Speaker 3: He couldn't keep the milk in his mouth.
• 52:23
  Speaker 3: I guess he was like drinking too fast and he got upset that he couldn't like hold more milk in his mouth and so he started crying and then got tired, like laid down and took a nap, like right in the middle of it all, but my brother's like yeah, we're trying to figure out.
• 52:39
  Speaker 3: We're trying to help him figure out, like what he's feeling.
• 52:42
  Speaker 3: I mean, obviously he's one he doesn't have, that it's a large vocabulary, but with what little vocabulary he does have.
• 52:47
  Speaker 3: He's like I'm trying to help him understand now.
• 52:49
  Speaker 3: Like it's okay, are you frustrated?
• 52:53
  Speaker 3: Right, we're frustrated, buddy.
• 52:54
  Speaker 3: Like he's trying to help him figure out that there's other words and it's not just like you don't have to cry, like look at how daddy does it and it.
• 53:03
  Speaker 3: You know it's so.
• 53:04
  Speaker 3: But the picture was very funny.
• 53:06
  Speaker 3: I mean, I was like the drama in this family.
• 53:09
  Speaker 1: Right, I mean it's.
• 53:10
  Speaker 1: Sometimes it is amusing to like see what they get like so mad about.
• 53:13
  Speaker 3: But I wish I could do it as an adult.
• 53:15
  Speaker 3: I wish.
• 53:15
  Speaker 1: I could just start crying and like lay on the ground, yeah, but we kind of do, like I know my inner child does all the time, right, and then I'll catch myself being a passive aggressive.
• 53:23
  Speaker 1: I'm like nope, just be honest, you're pissed off, let's just talk about it instead of, you know, trying to project.
• 53:27
  Speaker 1: But yeah, we used to have like a picture, like a face thing on the fridge, so it had all these, like it was I don't know like 12 faces, right, the range of emotions from like happy, frustration, sadness, all these things, and so, before my son can really articulate, I would take him to the fridge and be like what are you feeling right now?
• 53:43
  Speaker 1: And he'd like point to it Like okay, and then we just moved on from our day, right.
• 53:46
  Speaker 1: But I think it was just like having that pause, because I call him the Hulk, like.
• 53:50
  Speaker 1: It's like kind of like a joke, but I can't remember.
• 53:52
  Speaker 1: I think I read something somewhere, but they're like, if you can actually give a name to that like anger part, then it helps them like I don't know it just like lessens the energy behind it, right.
• 54:02
  Speaker 3: Right.
• 54:03
  Speaker 1: There's the Hulk coming out today and he'll kind of like yeah, I'm just mad, I'm like okay.
• 54:06
  Speaker 3: Yeah, it diffuses it almost, which is nice.
• 54:10
  Speaker 1: Yeah, so what do you feel like in your you know, in your evolution and your journey, whether separate or together, and through your podcast and everything that you learn Like what do you feel like your evolution with your emotions has been?
• 54:21
  Speaker 1: Because, of course, it's the emotional master podcast, emily.
• 54:25
  Speaker 1: May I take this one?
• 54:26
  Speaker 3: away.
• 54:27
  Speaker 2: Please do.
• 54:28
  Speaker 3: Evolution.
• 54:29
  Speaker 3: So Emily and I just talked about this the other day.
• 54:31
  Speaker 3: As you can imagine, having a podcast of two individuals who work vastly different from one another requires a lot of work and a lot of communication.
• 54:39
  Speaker 3: And something that we struggle with is and we're open books because we think it's really important to talk about this stuff so people understand that you can actually have a successful partnership with someone.
• 54:53
  Speaker 3: But you got to be able to be willing to like have really hard conversations.
• 54:57
  Speaker 3: So something that the two of us kind of ran up against is I would say I would do something.
• 55:04
  Speaker 3: This is where my people pleasing tendencies came in.
• 55:06
  Speaker 3: I would say I would do it, and then I would get so overwhelmed with the idea that I had to get this thing accomplished that I would just short fuse it and not do it.
• 55:16
  Speaker 3: Then I would start saying, well, I feel like I have to do it, so now I don't want to do it.
• 55:20
  Speaker 3: And there was this whole dialogue that was going on and so the evolution with my emotions.
• 55:25
  Speaker 3: In the past I would have just gotten pissed.
• 55:26
  Speaker 3: I would have been like that's it, I'm done, we're out of here, Peace deuce, see ya.
• 55:30
  Speaker 3: Now I finally broke down.
• 55:34
  Speaker 3: I remember cause Emily and I have been really good about like, if we're upset with each other, break, we need to take like a break.
• 55:40
  Speaker 3: And so when we finally spoke to one another on the phone, she was very brutally honest with me.
• 55:48
  Speaker 3: She didn't sugarcoat anything and I cried and I said to her I don't know why I'm like this, and it's not even that I'm mad at you, I'm upset, I am frustrated and disappointed in myself and why this is such an issue for me and like.
• 56:06
  Speaker 3: We had a conversation and I said, regardless of like moving forward, we put things into play and it's gotten better.
• 56:13
  Speaker 3: And Emily, just so you know, funny, we were supposed to have a real go up yesterday and I couldn't.
• 56:19
  Speaker 3: I was like it should have gone up.
• 56:20
  Speaker 3: I managed four different Instagram accounts.
• 56:24
  Speaker 3: I put it on Glam Freaks I put it on the other oh no, and it was uploading and I was like, oh my God, that's why.
• 56:30
  Speaker 3: So it went up on the wrong account.
• 56:35
  Speaker 2: Oh, my Instagram's been giving me lots of bugs recently, so no, worries.
• 56:39
  Speaker 3: So but it goes to show like in the past I would have gotten pissed, I would have projected, I would have been like she's doing this, this and this.
• 56:48
  Speaker 3: I can't believe that she'd be so like nose and the, whatever the case may be, like she's so on top of the.
• 56:53
  Speaker 3: You know she needs to relax a little.
• 56:58
  Speaker 3: It's that she cares and a part of me is, I don't know, like I'm like God, I feel the same way, but why can't I do it like she does?
• 57:08
  Speaker 3: So there was a little bit of jealousy that was there as well, and her ability to get things done before and on time, and so I was able to break those feelings down and communicate that to her, and I think that helped me be able to move forward to actually accomplish the things for our business that needed to be done, and now I don't feel overwhelmed at all, like it was such a release to be able to dig down and realize that it wasn't that I was upset with her.
• 57:42
  Speaker 3: I was upset with myself and like understanding that the anger of wanting to be, I guess, projecting, that was just trying to help me not have to deal with looking in the mirror, so that my evolution has been like really learning when something is me and learning when something when I learning when it's not me.
• 58:11
  Speaker 3: So being able to differentiate, like when I need to step up and take responsibility and when I need to put someone nicely in their place to be like, hey, no go, you can't treat me like this and I won't accept it.
• 58:24
  Speaker 3: And we need to talk about figuring out a different way of talking to each other.
• 58:28
  Speaker 3: Or I'm taking a step back because I don't think it's healthy, so hopefully that makes sense.
• 58:35
  Speaker 3: But like that has been, the evolution for me is not getting like oh, it's the other person, like taking responsibility, but then also being comfortable enough to tell someone hey, you're not being cool and I won't accept that kind of behavior.
• 58:54
  Speaker 1: Yeah, that's powerful and I think, like even you know, obviously we learn from all of our relationships, whether romantic or not, you know, and I think that having somebody that's safe and you feel comfortable enough to be able to speak that and like, cycle through that with, is beautiful.
• 59:08
  Speaker 3: Oh, I love the absolute.
• 59:09
  Speaker 3: Can we curse on this podcast?
• 59:10
  Speaker 3: I love the absolute shit out of Emily.
• 59:13
  Speaker 3: She knows this.
• 59:14
  Speaker 3: We tell each other all the time.
• 59:15
  Speaker 3: The feeling is mutual, we say like she's my wife yeah.
• 59:19
  Speaker 3: There's no, there's no one else.
• 59:21
  Speaker 3: Like I wouldn't fight as hard as I do for the thing.
• 59:25
  Speaker 3: Like I always tell her I think us having these conversations goes each other, cause I've had friendships where I've just walked away.
• 59:34
  Speaker 3: I'm like this is an evil worth trying to save.
• 59:36
  Speaker 3: This like in friendship is a sinking ship.
• 59:38
  Speaker 3: But Emily and I are any tiny little water that gets in the boat.
• 59:42
  Speaker 3: We're like hold on, let me mop that up real quick Like we don't let the crack in the ship get so big that the water is spilling in and we're drowning.
• 59:52
  Speaker 3: Like the spackle is out.
• 59:55
  Speaker 3: We are patching up the holes.
• 59:56
  Speaker 3: Like we are re-sewing the sales.
• 59:58
  Speaker 3: Like we are always making sure that the ship is in working order.
• 1:00:02
  Speaker 3: Because we choose, like a relationship.
• 1:00:06
  Speaker 3: You choose to love the person.
• 1:00:09
  Speaker 3: I wake up every day.
• 1:00:10
  Speaker 3: I choose to love myself and I choose to love Emily and that's it.
• 1:00:16
  Speaker 2: I hope your boyfriend is listening to this.
• 1:00:18
  Speaker 2: She said she only loves me and herself.
• 1:00:22
  Speaker 2: That's what I'm listening to.
• 1:00:24
  Speaker 3: My mom's listening.
• 1:00:26
  Speaker 2: She's like just one little tear the time you finally.
• 1:00:28
  Speaker 2: She definitely loves you too, Joanne.
• 1:00:30
  Speaker 3: Oh my God, If my mom even can find this kudos, If my mom finds this, I want her to come up to me immediately after hearing this and saying I owe her a coffee.
• 1:00:39
  Speaker 3: If she finds this Cause the technology is not on that woman's side she's like what's the play button?
• 1:00:45
  Speaker 3: I'm like, oh my God.
• 1:00:46
  Speaker 2: That's what my dad does, so sad.
• 1:00:48
  Speaker 3: Bless her heart.
• 1:00:49
  Speaker 3: But yeah, we choose, we actively choose in platonic or romantic relationships to love our partners and love ourselves.
• 1:01:00
  Speaker 3: And sometimes it's hard and you have conversations that are really uncomfortable.
• 1:01:04
  Speaker 3: But that's how you grow.
• 1:01:06
  Speaker 3: I mean, you don't just work out once and then you have muscles.
• 1:01:10
  Speaker 3: You have to put tension and strain on the muscle In order to get it to grow.
• 1:01:14
  Speaker 3: You have to rip actually rip the muscle, not in a negative way, but you have to stretch it and rip it in order for it to rebuild and to grow and to become stronger.
• 1:01:23
  Speaker 3: So that takes time, that takes effort, that takes dedication.
• 1:01:30
  Speaker 2: Yes, ma'am, that's that.
• 1:01:32
  Speaker 3: Thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
• 1:01:34
  Speaker 1: And did you set that baseline, like that standard, from the very beginning of your relationship, or did you have to go through like a cycle?
• 1:01:40
  Speaker 1: No way.
• 1:01:41
  Speaker 2: Absolutely not no, definitely not we were like let's just broadcast?
• 1:01:46
  Speaker 2: Yeah, no, we had no idea what was going to happen.
• 1:01:50
  Speaker 3: But we've gotten really good.
• 1:01:52
  Speaker 2: We have the last fight, I think, really changed a lot for both of us.
• 1:01:57
  Speaker 2: I wouldn't even say it was a fight.
• 1:01:58
  Speaker 3: It's something Emily and I don't fight with each other.
• 1:02:02
  Speaker 3: We get disappointed.
• 1:02:03
  Speaker 1: The pot boils over.
• 1:02:05
  Speaker 3: Yeah, the pot boils over.
• 1:02:06
  Speaker 3: It's like we get frustrated and we finally hit max capacity where it's like I'm so frustrated with you, Like I want to shake you, but it's never like.
• 1:02:19
  Speaker 2: FU, I hate you.
• 1:02:19
  Speaker 2: Yeah, no, that's not the way it is, it's more like dude, come on, get it together.
• 1:02:25
  Speaker 3: It feels like siblings, like it feels like a sibling thing, so it never feels like we're fighting with each other.
• 1:02:30
  Speaker 3: But, emily, continue.
• 1:02:31
  Speaker 3: Yes.
• 1:02:33
  Speaker 2: No, I totally agree.
• 1:02:34
  Speaker 2: But yeah, the last one, I think, really solidified it for both of us where we just kind of are in this new place.
• 1:02:41
  Speaker 2: I mean, when we first started being friends we didn't have a podcast, so like we came into this as friends, Stephanie was a totally different human being and I was like, oh, the reason that we connected so much is because Stephanie was who I wanted to be at 15.
• 1:03:00
  Speaker 2: And I think I was who she wanted to be and we're like we would have been best friends and it just kind of stemmed from there.
• 1:03:09
  Speaker 2: She makes me laugh.
• 1:03:11
  Speaker 2: I made her laugh the other day.
• 1:03:12
  Speaker 2: I mean, it's just constantly.
• 1:03:13
  Speaker 2: We always say that we need a brain wall behind us and a microphone.
• 1:03:16
  Speaker 3: Yeah, but that it's true.
• 1:03:19
  Speaker 3: I think it's just.
• 1:03:21
  Speaker 3: I don't even know what the original question was.
• 1:03:24
  Speaker 3: I think this is just now a podcast Evolution of your emotions.
• 1:03:28
  Speaker 2: It's like a chance to love another Much.
• 1:03:30
  Speaker 2: We love each other.
• 1:03:30
  Speaker 2: Now we're buried.
• 1:03:33
  Speaker 2: Everyone knows.
• 1:03:34
  Speaker 2: Yes, thank God.
• 1:03:35
  Speaker 1: Just in case you didn't know before.
• 1:03:37
  Speaker 1: Yeah, I love it.
• 1:03:39
  Speaker 1: I love your dynamic.
• 1:03:40
  Speaker 1: Do you know, do you want to share your human designs?
• 1:03:44
  Speaker 2: Yeah, what is mine, steph?
• 1:03:46
  Speaker 2: I'm not a generate, a manifesting generator thing.
• 1:03:49
  Speaker 2: There we go, hold on I am, while my husband is just a generator.
• 1:03:53
  Speaker 2: Like I said, we spent three hours in a car ride going through these.
• 1:03:58
  Speaker 2: It was a very fun car ride from Orlando, do you know?
• 1:04:01
  Speaker 1: what your authority is.
• 1:04:02
  Speaker 1: Your profile.
• 1:04:04
  Speaker 2: I'm a Gemini and that's about all.
• 1:04:06
  Speaker 1: I got.
• 1:04:09
  Speaker 3: So I'm a reflector, ok, and what my profile is that?
• 1:04:15
  Speaker 3: I'm not sure.
• 1:04:15
  Speaker 1: I'm a Scorpio normal, but like, oh, my number Like 3662.
• 1:04:20
  Speaker 1: I feel like you, especially as the educator and teacher role.
• 1:04:23
  Speaker 1: It's usually that six line role model.
• 1:04:25
  Speaker 2: That I don't know.
• 1:04:26
  Speaker 2: I don't know that.
• 1:04:27
  Speaker 2: I don't even know what that is.
• 1:04:28
  Speaker 2: It sounds amazing.
• 1:04:29
  Speaker 3: Yeah, when somebody explained to me what the human design she's like, can I do your human design?
• 1:04:34
  Speaker 3: I'm like sure she freaked out and I was like what's happening?
• 1:04:37
  Speaker 3: She's like I cannot believe I'm meeting a reflector and I was like I don't know what that means.
• 1:04:41
  Speaker 2: But thank, you, I feel very special.
• 1:04:45
  Speaker 3: But she's like a lot of this makes sense and we did it on our way back from our trip.
• 1:04:49
  Speaker 3: We were all reading in the car and we're like holy shit.
• 1:04:52
  Speaker 2: Yeah, it was mind blowing, yeah, it was very accurate, that's true.
• 1:04:56
  Speaker 1: Yeah, I run a program called holistic human design and the girls in it we were chatting, I don't know, maybe last month or a month before, but they were all about that.
• 1:05:02
  Speaker 1: They're like we want to meet a reflector and I was talking to these two guys at the same time and of course, I'm always like what's your birth information?
• 1:05:08
  Speaker 1: It's kind of weird, because one of them was like do you want my driver's license?
• 1:05:11
  Speaker 1: I'm like no, no, no, I just need to know the time.
• 1:05:12
  Speaker 1: That's hilarious.
• 1:05:15
  Speaker 1: It's literally like I will ask on the first date I have to know oh, good, as it should be, yeah, right, exactly.
• 1:05:20
  Speaker 1: And then I figure, if you don't want to give it to me.
• 1:05:21
  Speaker 1: You're not here for my weird, so we're just not compatible.
• 1:05:24
  Speaker 1: But I was talking to these two guys and one of them was a reflector and I was like whoa, I want to date you, just to like for the experiment of it.
• 1:05:31
  Speaker 1: But he was just like, so very, like I don't know.
• 1:05:34
  Speaker 1: It was just like he never even asked me to go out, like it was just very and it was like months drawn on and I was like dude, I can't hang around for this.
• 1:05:41
  Speaker 1: This is not going to work for me.
• 1:05:42
  Speaker 1: Just like I'm an MG as well, so my energy is so fast and so like in the moment.
• 1:05:47
  Speaker 1: Isn't it fun to live?
• 1:05:48
  Speaker 2: in our brain.
• 1:05:48
  Speaker 2: I've never done.
• 1:05:50
  Speaker 1: Anthony's.
• 1:05:50
  Speaker 1: It's crazy sometimes.
• 1:05:51
  Speaker 2: Oh you should, it's never, you have to.
• 1:05:55
  Speaker 3: Watch, you're going to find out.
• 1:05:56
  Speaker 3: He's a frigging reflector and then there's two of us.
• 1:05:58
  Speaker 2: No, he's not.
• 1:05:58
  Speaker 2: He's definitely not.
• 1:06:00
  Speaker 1: No thanks.
• 1:06:01
  Speaker 2: But like with reflectors you're it's.
• 1:06:03
  Speaker 1: it's interesting because, like you are probably, I mean you're most likely different with everybody that you're around, and I think it's not that you are.
• 1:06:10
  Speaker 1: Yeah, and I think that can cause like.
• 1:06:12
  Speaker 1: So the G center, which is like the little yellow, like triangle in the middle, I have that open.
• 1:06:16
  Speaker 1: And so for me, throughout my life, what I've come to realization, like lately, is that, for me, being different around everybody that I'm with is who I am, it's not a flaw.
• 1:06:26
  Speaker 1: And so I can imagine, for a reflector, right You're, you're literally mirroring your environment and so you're always going to be reflecting the energy of the person that is coming to you and you're going to be different in that situation.
• 1:06:37
  Speaker 1: And so I think, just like having that permission of like that's just who you are, because, like, for me growing up it was like, oh well, you, you act so different around these people, or why would you act like that around that person?
• 1:06:47
  Speaker 1: And it's like I just had so much shame around that and I'm like, but that's me at my most authentic is showing up and being able to adapt.
• 1:06:55
  Speaker 3: Yeah, I got called a chameleon as an insult most of my life and then it wasn't until I got older that I realized that that was a gift and that was my ability to actually connect with people is.
• 1:07:06
  Speaker 3: I never did it to be malicious.
• 1:07:09
  Speaker 3: I never did it to try to gain something.
• 1:07:13
  Speaker 3: I did it because I wanted a commonality with someone so that I could have connection.
• 1:07:22
  Speaker 3: When it becomes bad is when I am mere someone that doesn't have good intentions and then I start to feel that and I start to behave that way and it's so uncomfortable and it feels so unnatural to me.
• 1:07:35
  Speaker 3: That's when I feel really drained Because I'm around people that their intentions are not good and I can feel it.
• 1:07:42
  Speaker 3: And I get home and I'm like why did I say and do all that?
• 1:07:45
  Speaker 3: I felt like a mean girl.
• 1:07:47
  Speaker 3: So that's kind of when it's more draining for me.
• 1:07:52
  Speaker 3: But I've been better about trying to hold my own and learning to acknowledge that feeling and then say no, I don't think I'll be going out tonight Like I'm good, like even if I want to and I want that connection, I step away.
• 1:08:07
  Speaker 3: So that way I don't fall into that, because I just don't like the way it makes me feel.
• 1:08:11
  Speaker 1: Yeah, I think that's also for me with that.
• 1:08:14
  Speaker 1: You know, the Open G Center I would like I always like in that mirroring of somebody.
• 1:08:19
  Speaker 1: It was more like I literally wanted to experience why you liked something.
• 1:08:24
  Speaker 1: I wanted to understand it.
• 1:08:25
  Speaker 1: I didn't necessarily want to be it or embody that, but I felt like, yeah, same thing, it made me more connected to you to really fully understand why you liked something or why you did things the way that you did.
• 1:08:35
  Speaker 1: But yeah, I think, as a reflector, like really being aware of your environment and I think you know, being in tune with your body, and like when something is for you and something is not, is like definitely an evolution of that.
• 1:08:46
  Speaker 1: But oh, yeah, I know you'll have to pull his chart and let me know.
• 1:08:49
  Speaker 2: I'm so curious.
• 1:08:50
  Speaker 3: No, I'm curious too.
• 1:08:50
  Speaker 2: Yeah, I'm for sure, the minute she ends this call she's doing it.
• 1:08:55
  Speaker 3: Oh no, I already texted him.
• 1:08:56
  Speaker 3: Oh okay, when were you born?
• 1:08:57
  Speaker 3: What was your time?
• 1:09:00
  Speaker 2: Tell me all about yourself.
• 1:09:01
  Speaker 2: Your social security number Right?
• 1:09:02
  Speaker 2: Somebody asked me once they were like you want my social too.
• 1:09:04
  Speaker 1: I was like no, no, I'm good with just the birth time.
• 1:09:06
  Speaker 2: Yeah, thanks so much, I can get an offer.
• 1:09:08
  Speaker 2: Wow was that easy.
• 1:09:09
  Speaker 1: Thank you, sir.
• 1:09:10
  Speaker 1: Right, you'd be surprised how many people are like.
• 1:09:13
  Speaker 1: Most people actually have not had an issue with it.
• 1:09:15
  Speaker 1: There's been like a couple of guys that are just like kind of weirded out and they're like astrology.
• 1:09:18
  Speaker 1: You're like one of those girls and like yeah, but no.
• 1:09:21
  Speaker 2: Oh, there's a ton of crystals behind me.
• 1:09:23
  Speaker 2: Yeah, my husband's all about it.
• 1:09:25
  Speaker 2: Oh, yeah, you mentioned me.
• 1:09:28
  Speaker 3: Anthony constantly.
• 1:09:28
  Speaker 3: Anthony is my partner's name.
• 1:09:29
  Speaker 3: He's constantly like oh, it's the Gemini in me and I'm like you can't use that as an excuse.
• 1:09:34
  Speaker 3: Every time Like, but I feel like every time I say is a Gemini, everyone's like I don't know I know, we get bad names, but like you're a Gemini, I know I'm pretty fucking cool, though, man yeah.
• 1:09:49
  Speaker 1: I'm always like I think one of the most, like one of the best parenting tools is knowing they're human design and astrology.
• 1:09:54
  Speaker 1: But like, sometimes I'll talk about it and my daughter like, a couple of months ago I don't know, she was like mom, you can't like use astrology as an excuse for everything.
• 1:10:01
  Speaker 1: And I'm like, but it's so true, they're like okay, that's something of whatever her sign is, would definitely say yeah.
• 1:10:09
  Speaker 3: You're like that sounds like a Gemini response, Just like throw it back at her.
• 1:10:13
  Speaker 1: No, well, she actually asked me like like I think last month she was like mom, can you like like show me my chart and like explain it to me?
• 1:10:18
  Speaker 1: And so I like went through a whole thing and she like looked at me after she's like why is it so accurate?
• 1:10:23
  Speaker 1: Like.
• 1:10:25
  Speaker 3: It's pretty scary when you like really dive deep, yeah, cause I'm November 7th and when people are like what are you on?
• 1:10:31
  Speaker 3: Like Scorpio, and they're like when's your birthday?
• 1:10:33
  Speaker 3: I said November 7th.
• 1:10:34
  Speaker 3: They're like oh, you're Scorpio, scorpio, I'm like oh yeah.
• 1:10:36
  Speaker 3: I'm like in the thick of it yeah, but it's just you know, but there's so much more to it.
• 1:10:41
  Speaker 1: You know what I mean.
• 1:10:41
  Speaker 1: I think, like just just using one element of it is really hard.
• 1:10:45
  Speaker 1: I mean we're all holistic, right.
• 1:10:46
  Speaker 1: We all have like we're so diverse and dynamic and complex and everything that it's.
• 1:10:51
  Speaker 1: You know, it's just to like narrow it down to one thing is yeah, yeah, but this has been so much fun.
• 1:10:58
  Speaker 1: I mean, I've been talking to you guys forever.
• 1:11:00
  Speaker 1: I mean, is there anything that like I know I had like had notes and I didn't even like to look at them, but this is the best.
• 1:11:06
  Speaker 1: Those are the best conversations, right?
• 1:11:08
  Speaker 1: Yeah, well, if you want to let everyone know where they can find you, where they can find the podcast, I mean it'll all be in the show notes and everything like that.
• 1:11:15
  Speaker 1: And or if there's like any anything we didn't touch on that you feel is really important to this conversation, to I mean honestly, you could find us at wwwcyclechatscom.
• 1:11:27
  Speaker 3: Everything is there.
• 1:11:28
  Speaker 3: I'm I'm guessing there's going to be some things where we're kind of in the works.
• 1:11:33
  Speaker 3: We're rebranding a little bit, we're fixing up the website, so it's going to be real simplified, very streamlined.
• 1:11:39
  Speaker 3: So bear with us, but everything's there.
• 1:11:41
  Speaker 3: We have an awesome online store where proceeds go to non-for-profits anything that you purchase.
• 1:11:48
  Speaker 3: We have a newsletter that we send out once a month to just kind of let you know what we're doing, where we're at, what you missed and anything else to add to this.
• 1:12:00
  Speaker 3: Honestly, like if you just go to our website and listen to our shows that we have it.
• 1:12:07
  Speaker 3: It's all in the same vein.
• 1:12:09
  Speaker 3: We're all, I think, on the same journey with each other, and it's you're just now another piece of the puzzle.
• 1:12:16
  Speaker 3: You know this is another avenue and space that we can send people to if they're curious.
• 1:12:22
  Speaker 3: So it is very much like a tree and like all the little branches are all of the people.
• 1:12:28
  Speaker 2: We've gotten so many shows, so many shows.
• 1:12:29
  Speaker 3: So many shows we're out of our minds.
• 1:12:32
  Speaker 2: We are completely out of our minds.
• 1:12:34
  Speaker 3: Emily and I are like what say you to another show?
• 1:12:36
  Speaker 3: And she's like let's do it.
• 1:12:38
  Speaker 3: And then we wonder why, you know, we're like so stressed out and overworked.
• 1:12:42
  Speaker 2: We're like what I think we have like seven or eight, now it's crazy, but you know what it's.
• 1:12:47
  Speaker 3: yeah, I can't really add anything other than this was a lot of fun.
• 1:12:50
  Speaker 3: This felt like just a.
• 1:12:51
  Speaker 3: It's felt like you met someone on a bus ride and you just really clicked and like you're like, hey, I like that necklace.
• 1:12:59
  Speaker 3: Oh yeah, what sign is that?
• 1:13:01
  Speaker 2: Like you know, so many people would not do that on a bus, but I love it.
• 1:13:04
  Speaker 2: I mean we're saying that.
• 1:13:06
  Speaker 1: Of course, if you're an extrovert three of us would.
• 1:13:09
  Speaker 2: However, most people are like, don't look at me, we were walking.
• 1:13:12
  Speaker 1: Yeah.
• 1:13:14
  Speaker 2: We were walking the dog and this 15 year old girl was walking her dog and our dogs know each other and they're friends and she could not get away from us fast enough.
• 1:13:22
  Speaker 2: I mean she literally did not want to hang out with adults have conversation.
• 1:13:26
  Speaker 2: I was like, sorry, little boy, he, she, doesn't want to hang out with you today.
• 1:13:32
  Speaker 2: I felt very bad for my dog.
• 1:13:33
  Speaker 2: He just looked at his friend longingly, Like okay, bye, yeah no.
• 1:13:38
  Speaker 2: So I think most of the generation, especially after us, they're down at their phone.
• 1:13:43
  Speaker 1: Yeah, I always like yeah, it's so funny, like I used to be like that, like I would just like try not to make eye contact and like have conversations with people.
• 1:13:49
  Speaker 1: This podcast has opened me up in so many ways.
• 1:13:51
  Speaker 1: But, like, even when I walk in the morning and I see someone coming, I'm like Rachelle, what would your higher self do right now?
• 1:13:55
  Speaker 1: And it just helps me like straighten up and smile and wave, you know, and I'm like, even if I don't engage in conversation, I'm still just like expanding myself a little bit.
• 1:14:01
  Speaker 1: But yeah, that's, I think, what I love about this podcast.
• 1:14:03
  Speaker 1: It's like things like this that just light me up and excite me and just I'm so grateful for all of it.
• 1:14:09
  Speaker 3: So, yeah, yeah, this is an awesome conversation.
• 1:14:11
  Speaker 3: It's just gone on our website.
• 1:14:12
  Speaker 3: Everything's there.
• 1:14:14
  Speaker 1: And I'll link in the shout out, so just go click.
• 1:14:16
  Speaker 3: Amazing.
• 1:14:16
  Speaker 1: All right, thank you so much.
• 1:14:18
  Speaker 3: Thank you.
• 1:14:19
  Speaker 1: Bye, bye, bye, bye, bye, bye.