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I run successful companies but cleaning up their mess is still sometimes my main job · You're Not Too Much

• 0:00
  And then 10 minutes later, my front door opens and two children run
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  in screaming. Now, mind you, my house has been silent
• 0:07
  for 11 days. I nearly had a heart attack and died.
• 0:11
  So I got to spend mother's day cleaning up vomit and
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  running ginger ale to any number of people. But yeah,
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  I was just looking around going, this is motherhood. This is
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  motherhood.
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  All right, here we go. I'm going to pretend I'm pushing record because that feels
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  right. Okay, I'm pressing record. Boop.
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  Hi, everybody, I'm Lauren Howard. Welcome to Different
• 0:38
  Not Broken, which is our podcast on exactly that.
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  That there are a lot of people in this world walking around feeling broken. And
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  the reality is you're just different. And that's fine.
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  Kids were gone for a long time, like very unexpectedly. They were with my husband.
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  They weren't kidnapped, thankfully, but I was like 90% sure he
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  was going to bring them back. He was going to bring them back. But they
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  went up to our house up north that is still under
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  construction after two years. Dear Lord. There actually is progress
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  happening. There are floors in multiple areas.
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  That is such a wild success, you
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  have no idea. Anyway, so they were supposed to go for three days.
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  In typical Howard fashion. We booked tickets there, we never booked tickets back.
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  I wasn't able to go with them when they wanted to go. My husband had
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  to meet the contractor so they couldn't postpone. So it was just like,
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  well, I guess I'm gonna be on my own for a couple of days. Just
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  me and the dog. So it was supposed to be three days. Then they both
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  got sick. Both kids got this like creeping crud upper
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  respiratory virus that was like relentless.
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  And I think they got it from my mother in law cause she had something
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  similar before and it was just a virus,
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  but it was nasty. And it gets to a point like when you
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  get a virus and you get to like day five and you're not feeling better,
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  that feels excessive. It's all awful. But when you get to day
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  five, you're like, what the heck? Immune system, what is going on?
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  And then we were getting to like day eight and nine and she was still
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  down for the count. But they didn't see her in
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  person until like literally day 10 or day
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  11. So we just kind of thought that after
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  all that time it would be fine. Her fever was gone, her cough
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  was better, she was on medication. Anyway, like three days later,
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  they come down with the upper respiratory infection of
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  everybody's nightmares. And he had so much stuff that he had to do and he
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  was by Himself, so he had to take them with. So these, like, poor kids
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  are like, driving around New Hampshire wearing masks, and people think they're still Covid
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  shut ins, which is fine, but it was just a bizarre
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  setup. So they were supposed to be gone for three days. They were gone for
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  like four days. And then I talked to my husband and he was like, well,
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  there's more stuff we have to do. So 11 days later, I finally get
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  a return date for them, which is two days after. So they were supposed
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  to come back on Saturday. It was a little bit weird because usually when he
• 2:55
  books a flight, he immediately puts it on my calendar because he knows I will
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  not remember when it is or what airline it is unless it's on my calendar.
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  And he didn't. And I just didn't think about it. I was slammed. It was
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  the week we closed on the sale of the Practice. I was exhausted, my brain
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  was super soup, and so I just didn't think about it. And then I was
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  trying to figure out how I could plan out my day on Saturday. And I
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  texted him and I was like, when is your flight getting in? And he didn't
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  answer me, and I texted him again, and I think I called him a fart
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  hole and said, when is your plane coming in?
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  And he said, oh, it's 7:10 tomorrow on
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  Southwest. And I was like, okay, great. And then 10 minutes
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  later, my front door opens and two children run in screaming. Now,
• 3:36
  mind you, my house has been silent for 11 days.
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  I nearly had a heart attack and died. I was like,
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  what is happening? Who's in my house? Am I being robbed by elves? I don't
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  understand what's happening. And then I reoriented myself and
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  realized it was my children. And my husband thought it was funny to just
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  not tell me they were coming back and jump into my office to
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  surprise me. Which was delightful, except for the whole almost
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  dying thing, because he nearly gave me a heart attack. So this was Friday.
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  They came back. Mother's Day was that Sunday. And the kids come in. Of course
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  I'm excited to see them, and I'm squeezing them and giving them all the kisses.
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  And I'm so excited that they're back and they're all up in my face,
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  and I'm all up in their face. And my youngest had a weird
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  stomach thing for a couple days before, but she seemed different than
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  the thing they had before. But my husband said she was better as of that
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  morning, no problems. So we just thought it was food poisoning or something.
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  And she seemed fine. She Ate a bunch of food. She was fine. And so
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  we're just like, well, it must have been food poisoning and not contagious. And then
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  a couple hours later, my oldest just starts
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  puking everywhere. And it was like, food poisoning isn't
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  contagious. So she starts getting sick everywhere. And then
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  my youngest, who had been okay for, like, 48 hours,
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  starts getting sick again. And, like, we're very quickly running out of
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  towels. There are no supplies.
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  And so my husband and I are handling it. He basically put the kids together.
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  We put them on a saltine diet and
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  made them slam Pedialyte because it was like, they couldn't eat
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  anything. Like, as soon as they ate, it was just, like, it was a mess.
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  So we get through the first night, and I'm like, I don't know what this
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  stuff is, because she was good for two days, and now she's sick again.
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  And now my oldest has it. This is chaotic.
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  My husband fell asleep on the couch with the kids. The next morning,
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  he walks into our room and says, I need your help.
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  And he has the very distinct look of the
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  man flu on his face. And I was like, why?
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  And he was like, I just threw up everywhere. I was like, oh.
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  Oh, super fun. So you all brought it home to me. I'm so
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  excited. Awesome. So I got to
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  spend Mother's Day cleaning up vomit and running ginger
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  ale to any number of people. And I'm looking around going, this
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  is the Mother's Dayest. Mother's Day of any Mother's Day. This is exactly what
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  happens on Mother's Day. And my youngest comes up to me and she
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  says, mom, we were supposed to go Mother's Day shopping for you, and we
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  couldn't because we're puking. And I was like, that is accurate,
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  and that is totally fine. These things happen. It is okay. You are not in
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  trouble. I really don't care. There was no world where
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  my day would have been greatly impacted by whatever. So he did have
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  his mom arrange some stuff for me, like flowers. And then I might have gotten
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  a emergency delivery from Sephora of things I absolutely
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  needed for myself to save a little bit of the day.
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  But, yeah, I was just looking around going, this is motherhood.
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  This is motherhood. By the way, this day is supposed to be for
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  you. You're supposed to relax and have people take care of
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  you, but instead, they're going to vomit on you. That's just got to be fine.
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  And so instead, I got to
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  risk it all laying in bed with my kids, knowing that at Any minute,
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  whatever this crud is is going to hit me like a ton of bricks. I'm
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  like, power slamming Zofran. Like, I called one of our
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  nurse practitioners, and I was like, I can't make the vomit stop. I need
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  Zofran. So she called it in. I went and grabbed it at one of the
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  pharmacies and brought it back home. I'm giving it to the kids. And
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  then Sunday late, and then yesterday also, my
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  stomach just started feeling, like, a little weak. Like, I was definitely not hungry.
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  I definitely didn't want to eat anything. Nothing sounded good. And also,
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  it was like, this doesn't exactly feel right. And I
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  was like, somebody give me a Zofran. We're not doing this. No, no. I
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  will prophylactically Zofran myself into my grave
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  rather than go through what these people are going through full stop.
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  So I texted her after a day, and I was like, you might have to
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  send more. And she goes, did you use it up already? And I was like,
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  no, but I plan to, because I'm not doing it. I have stuff to do.
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  I'm stubborn. I'm going to avoid this thing by just
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  sheer force of will. Anyway, we still have plenty of Zofran because I
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  haven't actually taken the whole bottle yet, but it dissolves, so I
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  could.
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  My poor oldest. The first night, she couldn't
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  keep down the Zofran, and every time I put it in her mouth, she would
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  just throw it up. She just was so sensitive. And so I
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  texted one of our nurse practitioners, and I was like, oh, yay, we have norovirus
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  so bad that we can't keep down the Zofran. And she goes, do
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  you want me to send in some Phenergan suppositories? I guess that's a
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  thing they do for kids. I looked at my oldest and had her read it,
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  and I said, do you want her to do this? And she goes, what's a
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  suppository? And I told her, and she goes, I'll keep it down.
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  And she's like, nope, we're not doing that at all ever. Nope.
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  So anyway, they all appear to be somewhat better.
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  Like, last night, they all seem to get hit by
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  it again. It comes in waves. It's very weird. And it doesn't seem dependent on,
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  like, the kind of stuff they eat. All of a sudden, they go from being
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  fine to not. It was full man flu, which means
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  my husband was on the couch unable to put his own socks on,
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  Needed help with everything. I'm dying. Everything I'M dying. Yeah, okay,
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  sure you are. And then yesterday I see him
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  run downstairs and grab something and do something
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  deliberately annoying. And I was like, oh, good news, he feels better. And also bad
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  news. He feels better because now he's annoying the kids again. Awesome.
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  That's like a true sign that he feels better. He's irritating the kid. Then
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  he was like, I'm starving. I need to get food. And I was like, maybe
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  you're starving because you haven't eaten in several days. But still, can we, like, take
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  it easy? So of course he goes to a fast food restaurant and I think
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  he's going to get like a cheeseburger or something, which is fine. Like, whatever. I
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  mean, it's not fine. He's definitely going to puke it up. But, like, I thought
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  he was going to get a cheeseburger. He had like a shrimp and
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  catfish basket. I was like, if you know that you're going to
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  vomit something up, that's what you pick. Really?
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  He was like, I just was hungry and it sounded good. I'm like, you have
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  to think about the impact, man. So then last night, he was just frickin
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  miserable. He was like, the reflux is so bad. And I was like,
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  maybe it's because you ate a basket of
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  deep fried. We don't even know what, like, they said it's
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  shrimp. Do we know that? Did you test it? Because I didn't.
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  And you ate French fries. Why would you eat French fries? Anyway,
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  So I would like to say he learned his lesson. He did not. There is
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  no way that lesson is going to stick with him whatsoever. But that was
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  my Mother's Day was cleaning up piles of vomit and
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  throwing out all of the linens in our house, which we now get to replace,
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  and figuring out new and creative ways to give my
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  children targets to hit so that they don't
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  get bodily fluids on the furniture. Happy Mother's Day.
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  And now we'll go to Alison, who has this week's
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  small talk. We have a small talk from
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  Tammy in Montana. She says, hi there. I changed careers
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  at 29, left a perfectly stable accounting job to
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  become a florist. My mom has referred to this as
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  my phase ever since. Even as my business grew,
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  even as I hired staff, even as I genuinely love what I do every
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  single day. It's not that she's cruel. She's just waiting
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  for me to come back to something that looks like what she imagined for me.
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  And every time she asks, so, what's next? At family
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  dinners, I feel 14 years old. Again, I've made peace with the choice.
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  I haven't made peace with her response to the choice. How do you stop
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  needing someone to approve of a decision you already know was
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  right? Why do you need her to approve of it? Like,
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  what do you get out of that? Is there like a gift basket or a
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  medal? I don't think any of those things happen. I think you need
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  to investigate why it bothers you that she has not gotten on board with it.
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  It sounds to me like you're a successful business owner and it doesn't matter what
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  industry that's in. I have a friend who did that. She was an
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  attorney and she left her high paying job and started
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  a flower shop. And she actually ended up being the person who did the flowers
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  at my wedding. That's how I met her. We're still friends 15
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  years later. She was a really good business owner
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  because she had this very, very complex background
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  in all sorts of things that intersected with business.
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  Her law degree arguably made her a better florist
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  because she understood business structure, she understood mergers and acquisitions, she
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  understood what it looks like to expand, what it looks like to
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  hire. She understood employment law. She understood all of these little different things
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  that were vital to running a business. I think part of it is
• 12:51
  setting the boundary. I don't think you need to get okay with it. I think
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  your mom needs to close her mouth. It bothers you
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  because she's being rude. Whether she's being funny about it or not,
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  she's saying something that bothers you and she's doing it repeatedly.
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  So instead of trying to figure out how to deal with it so it doesn't
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  bother you, tell her to stop saying it. Hey,
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  I'm a successful business owner. I've hired staff, I've grown the business,
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  we make good money, I'm paying my bills, I don't need
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  anything from you. I'm very happy with where I am in life.
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  Stop saying that. Stop saying that. Even if I plan to change my
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  career five more times, Stop saying that. It's dismissive to me.
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  It's dismissive to my choices and the hard work that I put in. It doesn't
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  matter if you plan to close the flower shop and become a mermaid. You
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  get to be a mermaid then. Awesome. And as a
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  mom, she's allowed to be protective, she's allowed to be concerned. She's allowed to
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  make sure that you're okay, that you're not making decisions for reasons that are
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  harmful or detrimental to you. But at some point, she's allowed to just shut
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  up and let you make your decisions. So I don't think it's about you
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  getting used to her saying it, because if you were going to do that, you
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  would have already done it. It sounds like she's been doing it a long time.
• 14:01
  It's about setting the boundary with her and saying, stop doing this. It makes me
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  feel like you are being judgmental and passive aggressive toward me and I don't like
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  it. Stop doing it. And that's a completely reasonable thing
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  to ask. It doesn't matter what her intention is. It doesn't matter that she's not
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  trying to be mean or that she's not, you know, she's not trying to.
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  Whatever. Tell her to stop. It doesn't. Her
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  intention doesn't matter. If it makes you feel otherwise, tell her to
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  stop. It's not a phase. Emo was a phase.
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  This is flowers. Flowers are always in style.
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  Thanks for being here, guys. Have a good day. Love you. Mean it.
• 14:40
  That was a good reference. I'm proud I got that in there.