Latest / MESSmerized - Funny and faith based encouragement in marriage , family , Christian parenting , and finding purpose / Episode 152: Making Marriage Easier: Week 2 with Arlene Pellicane

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Episode 152: Making Marriage Easier: Week 2 with Arlene Pellicane · MESSmerized - Funny and faith based encouragement in marriage , family , Christian parenting , and finding purpose

• 0:06
  [SPEAKER_01]: This is Cynthia Gannoff and you are listening to the mesmerized podcast.
• 0:14
  [SPEAKER_01]: Hey friends, welcome to podcast.
• 0:16
  [SPEAKER_01]: I'm glad you're here.
• 0:17
  [SPEAKER_01]: And I want to start with a huge thank you.
• 0:19
  [SPEAKER_01]: Last week, if you remember, if you were listening to making marriage easier part one, before we started, I asked if you would consider going to my website CynthiaGanoff.com and leaving your email address.
• 0:30
  [SPEAKER_01]: And I am so thankful and impressed so many of you did that, like so many of you did that.
• 0:36
  [SPEAKER_01]: And thank you.
• 0:37
  [SPEAKER_01]: Now for the rest of you guys.
• 0:39
  [SPEAKER_00]: I'm just kidding, kind of, but seriously, the reason I'm asking for your email right now is because one, I like to give an email a week, just telling you what's on the show, who's on the show, what we're going to be doing.
• 0:50
  [SPEAKER_00]: And I promise you will not get spammed because I barely get that email out every week.
• 0:54
  [SPEAKER_00]: But also, I'm praying through the show in the fall and maybe some changes, some tweaks I want to make to it some thoughts I have about what we might want to do differently.
• 1:02
  [SPEAKER_00]: And I want to be able to survey you guys and ask you questions and figure out what's working,
• 1:09
  [SPEAKER_00]: and what you want less of.
• 1:10
  [SPEAKER_00]: And so it would mean so much to me if you would go to Cynthiaganoff.com, jump on there and on the front page of my website, you can just put in your email address.
• 1:19
  [SPEAKER_00]: That would mean so much.
• 1:20
  [SPEAKER_00]: Not to mention it's so encouraging that so many of you are listening and I know that because I see that you're joining the email list.
• 1:28
  [SPEAKER_00]: And although I know with the downloads of the show are, it's also really nice and it feels good to say, oh man, there really are people listening
• 1:36
  [SPEAKER_00]: Would you be willing to do that?
• 1:37
  [SPEAKER_00]: Go to Cynthiaganoff.com.
• 1:39
  [SPEAKER_00]: Okay, friends, it's week two of making marriage easier with Arlene Pelican.
• 1:44
  [SPEAKER_00]: I always have to think about how to say her last name.
• 1:46
  [SPEAKER_00]: She told me it rhymes with candy cane and that's how I remember it.
• 1:50
  [SPEAKER_00]: So Arlene is back for week two and if you missed week one, it is so well worth your time to go back and listen to it.
• 1:56
  [SPEAKER_00]: In fact, even my husband Mike was listening to it, and we are having a discussion, a serious discussion at their night, and he used the podcast against me, not really.
• 2:06
  [SPEAKER_00]: But he was like, well, I thought you said on the podcast blah, blah, blah, and I was like, oh boy, here we are, but we were both saying how much we really, really appreciate her practical advice and how she's just so relatable.
• 2:18
  [SPEAKER_00]: So go back and listen to part one if you haven't, and then this is part two, and this is a
• 2:26
  [SPEAKER_00]: great conversation.
• 2:27
  [SPEAKER_00]: Believe you me, do I know that after the other night?
• 2:30
  [SPEAKER_00]: But we won't be talking about just playing by the rules in our marriage.
• 2:34
  [SPEAKER_00]: And today we are talking about giving thanks.
• 2:37
  [SPEAKER_00]: We're talking about serving our spouse with that means what it doesn't mean and also taking fun seriously.
• 2:43
  [SPEAKER_00]: And so it's a fun episode today and again so practical and helpful.
• 2:47
  [SPEAKER_00]: So take a minute you guys and share this with friends that could use this.
• 2:51
  [SPEAKER_00]: Maybe with your spouse.
• 2:52
  [SPEAKER_00]: I would be so grateful.
• 2:54
  [SPEAKER_00]: and we will continue working on our marriages.
• 2:57
  [SPEAKER_00]: So here we go, kick it off with our lean, pillaking.
• 3:03
  [SPEAKER_01]: Arlene, you are back.
• 3:04
  [SPEAKER_01]: Thanks for being back.
• 3:05
  [SPEAKER_01]: Thanks for doing two weeks as a fellow podcaster.
• 3:08
  [SPEAKER_01]: I feel so excited.
• 3:09
  [SPEAKER_02]: Glenn, is it to spend two weeks with you Cynthia?
• 3:11
  [SPEAKER_02]: So, and anyone would take this opportunity for sure.
• 3:16
  [SPEAKER_01]: I don't know why we didn't do it in San Diego.
• 3:18
  [SPEAKER_01]: I feel like that would have been a great business expense.
• 3:20
  [SPEAKER_02]: Totally.
• 3:21
  [SPEAKER_01]: Do you know Jim, he has homework.
• 3:23
  [SPEAKER_01]: What's his name, Jim Burns?
• 3:25
  [SPEAKER_01]: Burns, thanks.
• 3:26
  [SPEAKER_01]: Yes, I love him.
• 3:27
  [SPEAKER_01]: And he's always trying to get me to come to California to do his podcast.
• 3:31
  [SPEAKER_01]: He's all mine, someone I'm on his, and I'm always like why am I not coming to California to do the podcast, but that's right here we are should have been in San Diego.
• 3:40
  [SPEAKER_01]: All right.
• 3:41
  [SPEAKER_01]: What I would need to know now is we're going to we're still talking marriage everybody, but we're going to start with something light and fairly what's the last thing that you feel like you can share without like, you know, whatever, uh, devoting too much that like, and you kind of shared one a minute ago when we recorded the first one, but something that like you are slightly annoyed with with your husband that you're like,
• 4:04
  [SPEAKER_01]: This is annoying, but I'm not going to lose my business or am I, but I'm going to tell you mine and give you a minute because I want everyone to know we're normal people here.
• 4:13
  [SPEAKER_01]: This morning and now everybody bear in mind, I still have a nine year old, okay, and I'm in my 50 so I have menopause and I have mathematics and it's not good for anyone.
• 4:23
  [SPEAKER_01]: And so little things that didn't use to bug me bug me a little more right now in my life because I'm hot and I don't sleep and all the things okay so this morning I opened that we have like a little drink fridge and I opened it to put something in the lunch for my little one who's at camp today and the Capri signs.
• 4:40
  [SPEAKER_01]: were all dumped in the middle shelf, and I'm like, why?
• 4:43
  [SPEAKER_01]: I had them stacked over here.
• 4:45
  [SPEAKER_01]: And so my, I said, who dumped the Capri Suns out?
• 4:49
  [SPEAKER_01]: Like, to myself, and then my husband, who never works at home, but he's home today, he responded, said, oh, well, the fridge door wasn't shutting right, so I did.
• 4:57
  [SPEAKER_01]: I put him over there, and I said, well, that's not putting there, there, that's dumping them, and then I had a moment, I'm like,
• 5:04
  [SPEAKER_01]: Lady, calm it down.
• 5:06
  [SPEAKER_01]: You just read Arlene's book yesterday.
• 5:09
  [SPEAKER_01]: The man does 1,000 things right.
• 5:12
  [SPEAKER_01]: If he throws the Capri Suns in the middle of the fridge, albeit annoying, it is not the end of the world.
• 5:19
  [SPEAKER_01]: But it is the reality, right?
• 5:20
  [SPEAKER_01]: I mean, do you have those moments?
• 5:22
  [SPEAKER_02]: Oh, my goodness, totally totally.
• 5:24
  [SPEAKER_02]: So we have a continually running thing.
• 5:27
  [SPEAKER_02]: We are also in our 50s, we're trying to be healthy, we're trying to eat, right?
• 5:31
  [SPEAKER_02]: We're trying to exercise, etc.
• 5:32
  [SPEAKER_02]: And my husband is more intense about this than I am.
• 5:36
  [SPEAKER_02]: He is a man who, you know, when Craigslist was a thing, was always coming home with some kind of exercise equipment.
• 5:42
  [SPEAKER_02]: He's a realtor.
• 5:43
  [SPEAKER_02]: So it would be like, someone didn't left their Nordic track.
• 5:46
  [SPEAKER_02]: So there it was in our, in our living room.
• 5:48
  [SPEAKER_02]: Oh, look, now we have a road machine.
• 5:50
  [SPEAKER_02]: Cynthia, for years we had a Nordic track, a spin bike, and a rowing machine, smack dab in our living room, and it was like, well, you know what, and he's like, this room is not for people, like to entertain, it's for us, and this is how I want to use the room, and it's like, you know what?
• 6:06
  [SPEAKER_02]: That's fair.
• 6:07
  [SPEAKER_02]: Fine.
• 6:07
  [SPEAKER_02]: So that's that.
• 6:09
  [SPEAKER_02]: So we have this ongoing thing.
• 6:10
  [SPEAKER_02]: So when he kind of gets up in my grill, and he'll be, I have two things.
• 6:15
  [SPEAKER_02]: One is so he'll be listening to like audio book.
• 6:17
  [SPEAKER_02]: And it's about strength training.
• 6:19
  [SPEAKER_02]: How we really need to be lifting weight and doing muscles.
• 6:21
  [SPEAKER_02]: Okay, I get that that's good.
• 6:22
  [SPEAKER_02]: That's important And I will get in the car and hill like put it on and it will be exactly like it said something like and when you are traveling You can do 25 air squats and five push-ups like something like this and I'm like
• 6:37
  [SPEAKER_02]: Did you cue this up to this exact spot because you knew I was just on the speaking trip, you know, and he's looking at me like I'm insane.
• 6:45
  [SPEAKER_02]: He's like, I didn't cue it up.
• 6:47
  [SPEAKER_02]: Like, I'm just listening to and he's right.
• 6:49
  [SPEAKER_02]: He didn't, but things like that.
• 6:51
  [SPEAKER_01]: Yeah.
• 6:52
  [SPEAKER_02]: And then, yes, that is just like, what are you doing?
• 6:55
  [SPEAKER_02]: Telling all these things.
• 6:57
  [SPEAKER_02]: And then the second, just recently, he was like,
• 6:59
  [SPEAKER_02]: What did it be okay if I asked you a health question and I was like, oh, dear Jesus.
• 7:04
  [SPEAKER_02]: So I said I honestly was like, yeah But hold up.
• 7:06
  [SPEAKER_02]: I have to go to bathroom.
• 7:06
  [SPEAKER_02]: So I went to the bathroom and I was going to the bathroom I said Jesus just prepare me and it was really funny because I was like give me a good attitude And then it was really sweet because he just said I just want to know like how much when you do your squats like how much weight are you holding?
• 7:19
  [SPEAKER_01]: That's only asked and I told him and then I was like, oh, that's all you want to know like that's awesome
• 7:25
  [SPEAKER_02]: So you were prepared for him to be like, I was so prepared that he wanted to redo transform my life.
• 7:30
  [SPEAKER_01]: Yeah, that's so funny.
• 7:32
  [SPEAKER_01]: Well, it's real life everybody and we've been married.
• 7:35
  [SPEAKER_01]: I'm 25.
• 7:36
  [SPEAKER_01]: You're 27, right?
• 7:37
  [SPEAKER_02]: Yeah.
• 7:39
  [SPEAKER_02]: Yes, 27.
• 7:40
  [SPEAKER_01]: 27.
• 7:40
  [SPEAKER_01]: And so yeah, and it's just this constant, it's it's working on something and whoever told us it wasn't going to be work.
• 7:48
  [SPEAKER_01]: It's just going to you're in love.
• 7:50
  [SPEAKER_01]: false.
• 7:51
  [SPEAKER_02]: So yeah, it's effort.
• 7:52
  [SPEAKER_02]: But the best things in life take effort.
• 7:54
  [SPEAKER_02]: So there you go.
• 7:55
  [SPEAKER_01]: That's right.
• 7:55
  [SPEAKER_01]: That's right.
• 7:56
  [SPEAKER_01]: So the book is called making marriage easier that we're going through how to love and like your spouse for life.
• 8:02
  [SPEAKER_01]: And I think that is really good because I love love love my husband, but their days on my quote.
• 8:08
  [SPEAKER_01]: I'm going to have to work harder to love you to, I mean, to like you today.
• 8:12
  [SPEAKER_01]: So, um, okay, so in the last one we kind of went through that you have these decisions, like these predestisions you can make in your marriage.
• 8:19
  [SPEAKER_01]: And the first one we talked about is just the, um, playing by the rules.
• 8:22
  [SPEAKER_01]: And what the rules look like in our marriage, and they can be what we talked about, or you can add some or subtract, but I thought those were so good.
• 8:29
  [SPEAKER_01]: And so the next few decisions that are in the book and we obviously will have time to cover them all.
• 8:33
  [SPEAKER_01]: But I'm just going to give everybody a little, um, heads up.
• 8:37
  [SPEAKER_01]: Serve your spouse, take fun seriously.
• 8:41
  [SPEAKER_01]: And so, they're all, every one of them's good, but boy, this whole idea of gratitude is so, it's really easy and it's so self-evident yet it is completely missing and so many of our homes.
• 8:56
  [SPEAKER_01]: And so, talk to us about how you came to this to gratitude and how you're practically putting it back into your house.
• 9:03
  [SPEAKER_02]: I got my first book contract and like I don't know my my son my that's 21 now was about five So I was so excited and I said let's get ice cream like this is gonna be big go to the grocery store and get ice I mean that this was how we were gonna celebrate So I said just make sure one of the flavors is chocolate.
• 9:23
  [SPEAKER_02]: So James trots off with Ethan five Noel three and they go to the start and they come back
• 9:28
  [SPEAKER_02]: And I opened the first one, and it's like, pecan crunch or something like this.
• 9:32
  [SPEAKER_02]: And I'm thinking, that's nice, but that is not chocolate.
• 9:35
  [SPEAKER_02]: I take out the second one, and it's cookies and cream.
• 9:38
  [SPEAKER_02]: And that's a chocolate cookie, but that is not chocolate.
• 9:40
  [SPEAKER_02]: So I am like, wait a minute.
• 9:43
  [SPEAKER_02]: I just got a book contract.
• 9:44
  [SPEAKER_02]: My first book contract.
• 9:45
  [SPEAKER_02]: I didn't say, let's go to a fancy dinner, or, you know, let's just, I just said, let's get ice cream, get me chocolate.
• 9:52
  [SPEAKER_02]: and this is what you bring me and I am pregnant with baby number three and I am livid like how could you get this wrong?
• 9:59
  [SPEAKER_02]: So we're eating the ice cream and Ethan five it's like mom you look very happy he's like he's like you say we should be grateful for whatever we are served and you don't look very grateful.
• 10:13
  [SPEAKER_02]: I was like, you're right, Ethan.
• 10:15
  [SPEAKER_02]: I am not grateful.
• 10:17
  [SPEAKER_02]: I am mad, but I should be grateful and I am grateful and I will be grateful and I will tell you what I think one way God corrects us is obviously it's through our children because out of the mouth of babes they they recognize these things.
• 10:32
  [SPEAKER_02]: So when we're given a situation, you know, we've been praying for something, and we didn't get it yet, or something has gone wrong, a financial health.
• 10:42
  [SPEAKER_02]: Whatever it is, we can say, God, no, thank you.
• 10:45
  [SPEAKER_02]: I am not grateful, right?
• 10:47
  [SPEAKER_02]: It's hard, and that hits marriages all the time, because it might be between you and your spouse, or it might be a circumstance that's facing both of you, but you were like, I asked for chocolate.
• 10:56
  [SPEAKER_02]: It was a really easy ask, and I got this cookies and cream thing, and I'm mad.
• 11:00
  [SPEAKER_02]: And the sooner we can turn that into, and yet I will praise you like Job, you know, everything is stripped away, and then yet Job did not blame God and was righteous before God in his eyes.
• 11:13
  [SPEAKER_02]: And so for us, the sooner we can turn it into, but God, I thank you.
• 11:17
  [SPEAKER_02]: My husband might be on my nerve.
• 11:19
  [SPEAKER_02]: He might have bought me a new piece of exercise for God.
• 11:22
  [SPEAKER_02]: I thank you, right?
• 11:23
  [SPEAKER_02]: That you, that the Capri Sun is all over the floor, but God, I thank you.
• 11:26
  [SPEAKER_02]: The sooner we can turn things into Thanksgiving, the sooner we can realize, I mean, all of us know a friend who has lost the spouse, I think, or who has the spouse who has really sick.
• 11:37
  [SPEAKER_02]: And when we can realize why this, that my spouse is living and breathing, and I should be very, very grateful for that.
• 11:43
  [SPEAKER_02]: So, so you have to cultivate this, you know, because like right now here right in this moment, as you're listening to this, you're like, okay, thank you, God, that my spouse is alive.
• 11:51
  [SPEAKER_02]: But in about three hours, you're going to be like, oh, my spouse is driving me crazy.
• 11:56
  [SPEAKER_02]: So you have to go back to, I thank you, and really realize this is something that is formative, because the children of Israel, this is their mistake.
• 12:06
  [SPEAKER_02]: They get the bread.
• 12:07
  [SPEAKER_02]: They get the daily bread.
• 12:09
  [SPEAKER_02]: They get the cloud by day and the fire by night They get the presence of God, but they're kind of bored with it and they're kind of like couldn't you give us a little more?
• 12:16
  [SPEAKER_02]: And they start grumbling and this is why they don't enter the promise land and for us to realize hey I got the spouse that I've been praying for.
• 12:24
  [SPEAKER_02]: I have my daily bread.
• 12:25
  [SPEAKER_02]: I have what is needed today?
• 12:28
  [SPEAKER_02]: What am I grumbling about?
• 12:29
  [SPEAKER_02]: And the sooner we can turn that into Thanksgiving and
• 12:32
  [SPEAKER_02]: you know, that's going to be a blessing.
• 12:34
  [SPEAKER_02]: And let's say your husband is not, maybe he's not acting in a great way, but even if you are thankful, you yourself are drawn closer to God, and it's still that worthwhile journey for you.
• 12:46
  [SPEAKER_01]: Yeah, yeah, I believe it was your spin coach from the exercise class.
• 12:52
  [SPEAKER_01]: Yeah, too, that said this, but it says my worst day is someone else's best day.
• 12:57
  [SPEAKER_01]: Is that from your sentence?
• 12:58
  [SPEAKER_02]: Her, her husband is he like, she is bossy pants in the best way, but she's bossy pants.
• 13:05
  [SPEAKER_02]: And her husband just like, okay, dear, just like, does, yes, ma'am, exactly.
• 13:11
  [SPEAKER_01]: But I love that idea.
• 13:12
  [SPEAKER_01]: My worst day is someone else's best day.
• 13:15
  [SPEAKER_01]: And and obviously not with the intention of like, let's feel better about ourselves because somebody else has it bad, but really there's people and there I have a little sign somewhere in my house that says I still remember praying for the things I have today.
• 13:29
  [SPEAKER_01]: And I think about that all the time with our young guys that we adopted from foster care and he's hard some days like really hard and it's hard in my fifties and trying to do all the things and I'm like you know what I prayed so hard for this and the Lord was so good and just that flip I prayed so hard over this marriage and for someone they would love us well and it would provide and all these things and so I love that you know I I'm with a like you I travel a lot I speak a lot and um
• 13:58
  [SPEAKER_01]: A lot of times people, when they mention marriage to me, they will say these words and you address this, but they'll say, but I'm not happy.
• 14:07
  [SPEAKER_01]: And I think that's culturally, but I'm not happy in this marriage, right?
• 14:11
  [SPEAKER_01]: And you say this, you say, based on a study happiness is 50% genetic, 10% circumstantial.
• 14:19
  [SPEAKER_01]: 40% chance.
• 14:21
  [SPEAKER_01]: Talk to us.
• 14:21
  [SPEAKER_01]: What does that mean?
• 14:22
  [SPEAKER_02]: Yeah, that's Sonia Luiwimersky, and she did this all the survey and all this, you know, research and basically we think like, oh, well, I just didn't have a good circumstance or oh, I just wasn't born with happy jeans, but 40% she found was based on choice.
• 14:37
  [SPEAKER_02]: of what did you choose to do with your genetic disposition, with the circumstances you were given, you still have this 40% chance.
• 14:45
  [SPEAKER_02]: And we have to think, you know, I'm holding a phone in my hand, and my pastor, Justice Sunday said, this is a distraction comparison.
• 14:53
  [SPEAKER_02]: He said it much better, but basically a discontent, that's what it was, a discontentment machine.
• 14:58
  [SPEAKER_02]: you get on social media, you get on there, and this stuff isn't even real, and you are discontent, you realize I don't have that, I don't have that, and you have that pumping through your system all the time, and that's what turns into, but I'm just not happy.
• 15:13
  [SPEAKER_02]: And so if we will flip that and say, wait a minute, in his presence is fullness of joy at his right hand, there are pleasures forever more, and instead of looking to our husband, looking to our wife to say, like, you're going to fix all this, you're going to make me happy.
• 15:28
  [SPEAKER_02]: Be like, no one can do that to say, Lord, I'm going to present to you, you're going to be my joy.
• 15:34
  [SPEAKER_02]: And it's like, if you're trying, trying, trying, trying, trying to be happy, like that, it's like,
• 15:39
  [SPEAKER_02]: But if you stop trying and you just start connecting with God, connecting with people, serving other people, having purpose and meaning, then you'll find like, whoa, I feel really happy.
• 15:51
  [SPEAKER_02]: So just realize that that it's okay if you don't feel happy.
• 15:56
  [SPEAKER_02]: Look to the Lord for that strength, for the spirit of being joy, keep doing the right things, and those feelings will follow, and then also realize that really isn't the primate of man.
• 16:07
  [SPEAKER_02]: Right, it's like amusement is not my highest priority that that truly our character is but and I know that sounds so like, oh, it's like a sermon But I tell you when you are like, I'm gonna obey God in this God will like bless you like you will feel happier and you will get the joy that you are looking for when when when you stop just like staring I like well that didn't make me happy that didn't make me happy that didn't make me happy
• 16:32
  [SPEAKER_01]: Yeah.
• 16:32
  [SPEAKER_01]: And at the end of the day, like, what is your ultimate goal?
• 16:36
  [SPEAKER_01]: I think you have to go back to.
• 16:37
  [SPEAKER_01]: Is my ultimate goal to show up in heaven one day and be like, well, thank goodness.
• 16:41
  [SPEAKER_01]: I was happy.
• 16:42
  [SPEAKER_01]: I mean, I don't think that's like really like at the end of the day.
• 16:46
  [SPEAKER_01]: If you're doing the things God's calling you to do in a culture that we live in, you are going to have obstacles.
• 16:51
  [SPEAKER_01]: You're going to have hardship outside of your home and also in your home.
• 16:56
  [SPEAKER_01]: So let your home be the safe
• 16:59
  [SPEAKER_01]: I think some of the times when I've come to know the Lord of the best and he's most present in my life in terms of me feeling it, seeing what he's doing, doing kingdom things.
• 17:08
  [SPEAKER_01]: They have been times where I have been completely uncomfortable, completely knocked out of what
• 17:16
  [SPEAKER_01]: Well, like when I'm like it's social media, I'm like, okay, we're over here trying to raise this kid out from, we adopted from foster care and we've got these other two kids that we're trying to, you know, get them to do the things the Lord has and all this and these people are all in Europe and they're all, they all have their retiring and they've all got a lake house and, you know, like, okay, well, let's just step back for a minute, is the ultimate goal.
• 17:37
  [SPEAKER_01]: For me to be happy, too.
• 17:38
  [SPEAKER_01]: Why are we?
• 17:39
  [SPEAKER_01]: We know comparison, right?
• 17:40
  [SPEAKER_01]: We know that's doing nothing for us.
• 17:42
  [SPEAKER_01]: And three, what about the gratitude for all the things we do have?
• 17:45
  [SPEAKER_01]: And I just think it just gets this snowball effect in this idea of I have to be happy.
• 17:51
  [SPEAKER_01]: Well, at the end of the day, I want to be holy.
• 17:52
  [SPEAKER_01]: Like, I want to be set apart.
• 17:53
  [SPEAKER_01]: I want the Lord to know me.
• 17:55
  [SPEAKER_01]: Know that I'm doing the things he has for me.
• 17:57
  [SPEAKER_01]: And sometimes that will come at the cost of air quote happiness, right?
• 18:01
  [SPEAKER_02]: Yeah, yeah, and that those things will come together that holiness and then the happiness they can definitely coexist.
• 18:08
  [SPEAKER_01]: Right, for sure.
• 18:09
  [SPEAKER_01]: Okay, friends, here's another one, serve your spouse and you hit on this a little bit and our first show.
• 18:16
  [SPEAKER_01]: But serving your spouse, now listen, am I right?
• 18:18
  [SPEAKER_01]: Are my wrong?
• 18:19
  [SPEAKER_00]: It's gotten all mixed especially in our weddings, you know, when we used to do and I use the old timey vows.
• 18:27
  [SPEAKER_00]: I like the old timey vows, right?
• 18:29
  [SPEAKER_00]: But now we don't, we don't use those anymore.
• 18:31
  [SPEAKER_01]: Listen people, the wedding landscape has changed.
• 18:34
  [SPEAKER_01]: We go to venues now, at least in Texas.
• 18:37
  [SPEAKER_01]: We go to venues, we're not at churches.
• 18:38
  [SPEAKER_01]: That's fine.
• 18:39
  [SPEAKER_01]: You do you a venue.
• 18:40
  [SPEAKER_01]: If that's what you want to do, everyone.
• 18:42
  [SPEAKER_01]: They have venues now.
• 18:43
  [SPEAKER_01]: They have different valves.
• 18:44
  [SPEAKER_01]: They, we don't, you know what?
• 18:46
  [SPEAKER_01]: They've gotten rid of some good things, these young ones.
• 18:48
  [SPEAKER_01]: They don't throw the guard anymore.
• 18:52
  [SPEAKER_01]: we're doing that.
• 18:52
  [SPEAKER_01]: Our lane that's so weird that we lifted up our dress and they put it guard her off and we threw it.
• 18:58
  [SPEAKER_01]: What in heaven's name were we doing?
• 19:00
  [SPEAKER_01]: I look at some of these things though and I think that was weird.
• 19:03
  [SPEAKER_01]: I'm glad you all got rid of some of these things.
• 19:05
  [SPEAKER_01]: What are we doing?
• 19:06
  [SPEAKER_01]: But
• 19:07
  [SPEAKER_01]: One of the things I think is we get all twisted up, and what does this mean to serve them?
• 19:12
  [SPEAKER_01]: Like, do we, do we do subservient?
• 19:14
  [SPEAKER_01]: Do we have to just let everything go?
• 19:16
  [SPEAKER_01]: It's not about us.
• 19:17
  [SPEAKER_01]: I just have to go around and scratch his back and fold his laundry.
• 19:21
  [SPEAKER_01]: And let's get over this a little bit and talk about what it looks like to serve.
• 19:26
  [SPEAKER_01]: Yeah.
• 19:26
  [SPEAKER_02]: Yeah, we talked about it in the first episode that we did together.
• 19:30
  [SPEAKER_02]: It's not.
• 19:31
  [SPEAKER_02]: what have you done for me lately?
• 19:33
  [SPEAKER_02]: That's not the framing question.
• 19:34
  [SPEAKER_02]: The framing question is like, hey, how can I make your life easier?
• 19:38
  [SPEAKER_02]: And that's nice.
• 19:39
  [SPEAKER_02]: That's not like, let me be a door mat and let me put away all my dreams and only do your dreams because I am a servant.
• 19:46
  [SPEAKER_02]: That's what we read into that.
• 19:49
  [SPEAKER_02]: But it's simply saying, like, hey, how can I help you?
• 19:51
  [SPEAKER_02]: Two are better than one, you know?
• 19:53
  [SPEAKER_02]: So if you fall down, I'm going to pick you up.
• 19:55
  [SPEAKER_02]: That is good.
• 19:56
  [SPEAKER_02]: And then for us to really wait a minute, in our culture being a servant is a demotion.
• 20:01
  [SPEAKER_02]: But in God's kingdom, it is a promotion that when you are a servant of God, this is Moses, the servant of God.
• 20:08
  [SPEAKER_02]: Joshua, the servant of God.
• 20:10
  [SPEAKER_02]: David served his generation.
• 20:12
  [SPEAKER_02]: It's like the greater you are, the more you think less of yourself.
• 20:17
  [SPEAKER_02]: and think more of others, and the more you're willing to say, hey, you know what, I can, I can, you know, not do that because you really like to do this.
• 20:25
  [SPEAKER_02]: Let's do your dream for a while, and then guess what?
• 20:28
  [SPEAKER_02]: The other person says, hey, you've been, you've been really holding everything down while I go to grad school.
• 20:33
  [SPEAKER_02]: I'm done.
• 20:33
  [SPEAKER_02]: Now let's have you go do what you want to do.
• 20:35
  [SPEAKER_02]: And you take turns, and you go through and you serve each other in your marriage so that the two of you can accomplish much more than one of you could accomplish by themselves.
• 20:46
  [SPEAKER_02]: And so keep dreaming, like keep dreaming and then serve each other to help accomplish those things together.
• 20:53
  [SPEAKER_02]: But it is that attitude of, you know, I like to say it if you like it, I'll try it.
• 20:59
  [SPEAKER_02]: You know, my husband's very adventurous and does all these things camping or biking or hiking or, you know, all these things where I would stay in a little motel and look at a lake and he wants to put all my back and go in the wilderness for three weeks.
• 21:11
  [SPEAKER_02]: You know, it's not three weeks.
• 21:12
  [SPEAKER_02]: Oh, good Lord.
• 21:13
  [SPEAKER_02]: Three days.
• 21:13
  [SPEAKER_02]: But you know, and so service looks like, you know what, if you like that, I'll try that.
• 21:18
  [SPEAKER_02]: Instead of I would never do that, you can kiss that goodbye, baby.
• 21:22
  [SPEAKER_02]: You know what I mean?
• 21:23
  [SPEAKER_02]: And again, like my husband will tell you, my wife is not good at any of these things, but she's a really good sport.
• 21:29
  [SPEAKER_02]: So at least you can give it a shot and that is a way to serve each other that so it could just look like hey I'll show up to the game with you and I will pretend like I'm having fun Though I'm not that is serving and in the same way your spouse, maybe it's a husband that's like I will walk around with you at the shopping thing
• 21:49
  [SPEAKER_02]: and kind of be patient and bring my little book and sit on a chair and not complain once because it brings you a lot of happiness, baby, and that's good with me.
• 21:56
  [SPEAKER_02]: That's service.
• 21:58
  [SPEAKER_02]: That's not losing yourself.
• 21:59
  [SPEAKER_02]: That's becoming a better version of yourself that is more giving and loving to the other person.
• 22:05
  [SPEAKER_01]: Yeah, as you're saying that I'm thinking practically in our life and we get it wrong a lot in our marriage Here me a lot of clear on that friends, but I'm thinking about as you're saying that like I haven't thought of it as serving each other But it has been like my husband loves sports like he eats breeds lives die sports He loves to watch it.
• 22:21
  [SPEAKER_01]: He loves to coach it.
• 22:22
  [SPEAKER_01]: He loves to play it
• 22:24
  [SPEAKER_01]: And I can barely walk, and so it's a little bit of a problem.
• 22:29
  [SPEAKER_01]: And so it's funny, like we watch a lot of sports in our house, but he also learned how to play Majon.
• 22:34
  [SPEAKER_01]: I love the game, Majon.
• 22:36
  [SPEAKER_01]: And so he'll play Majon with me, you know, a couple of games, and then I'll watch the, you know, whatever games on TV now.
• 22:42
  [SPEAKER_01]: And my actually, maybe on my phone a little bit, doing some other things, too, yes.
• 22:45
  [SPEAKER_01]: But I'm in the room for participating.
• 22:47
  [SPEAKER_01]: But that's, I mean, a very practical, easy way, just to serve each other.
• 22:51
  [SPEAKER_01]: The other thing I like that you talked about is just supporting each other's dreams, and one don't stop dreaming, right?
• 22:58
  [SPEAKER_01]: Like don't get stagnant, stop dreaming, but I'll never forget, he decided my husband decided he was going to code softball at the private school where my kids went.
• 23:06
  [SPEAKER_01]: So he, I was like, yeah, you should do that.
• 23:08
  [SPEAKER_01]: Well, I mean, we had a baby at the time, and so all, I mean, I was on duty all the time.
• 23:13
  [SPEAKER_01]: All day, at night,
• 23:14
  [SPEAKER_01]: We go to these games.
• 23:15
  [SPEAKER_01]: I'm chasing a kid and I was kind of frustrated, but I was like, this is a dream.
• 23:19
  [SPEAKER_01]: He's always wanted to coach in addition to practicing law.
• 23:21
  [SPEAKER_01]: So we did that.
• 23:22
  [SPEAKER_01]: Well, you know, fast forward ten years, I get my first book contracts and my husband is an incredible writer and incredible editor.
• 23:30
  [SPEAKER_01]: Well, he's like, I'd like to read every chapter and just give you thoughts, which I love and edit.
• 23:35
  [SPEAKER_01]: Because I was nervous about turning in my first book to the editor.
• 23:38
  [SPEAKER_01]: Now I'm net, now I don't care.
• 23:39
  [SPEAKER_01]: I'm like, good luck editor.
• 23:40
  [SPEAKER_01]: But first one, you don't want to look like a blithering idiot.
• 23:43
  [SPEAKER_00]: And he totally championed that and read every single word I wrote and edited it and made suggestions and just taking these turns, but I couldn't see it in the moment of softball and so I had choice that I could be mad and resentful about softball or I can be like, okay, we're just champion this because it's something he wants not knowing what's coming down the road and to if I didn't dream the dream of a book or something else, then I'm going to be resentful.
• 24:08
  [SPEAKER_01]: Find your thing, chase after it, and in exchange the opportunities to support each other.
• 24:13
  [SPEAKER_01]: So I just think that's such a good word for that's so good.
• 24:16
  [SPEAKER_02]: The softball in the book, that's beautiful.
• 24:18
  [SPEAKER_01]: Softball in the book, guys.
• 24:19
  [SPEAKER_01]: Okay, that's the title of the next one.
• 24:20
  [SPEAKER_01]: Yes, I love it.
• 24:22
  [SPEAKER_01]: Um, okay, let's enter.
• 24:23
  [SPEAKER_01]: What yeah, right?
• 24:25
  [SPEAKER_01]: The next thing though is back to the point of the phone.
• 24:28
  [SPEAKER_01]: Let's talk just a second about this You said like you've got to got to buy into the fact that your spouse is more important than your phone and Of course academically I believe that but I have convinced myself I need my phone because I have a small child that might need something I have business I have to be on Instagram our lane.
• 24:46
  [SPEAKER_01]: I mean Gosh, what if they did something what if what if someone reached out to you and you weren't there?
• 24:53
  [SPEAKER_01]: What if the today show who had our lean on, which is my dream, said, I saw Cynthia, I need her and my phone was not in my hand in that moment.
• 25:03
  [SPEAKER_01]: I mean, joking, obviously, but seriously, talk to us about that because it is a problem.
• 25:09
  [SPEAKER_02]: Yes, you know, your spouse, I would jokingly wrote in one of my books, your spouse is more interesting than your phone.
• 25:17
  [SPEAKER_02]: Like it, like your child's needs to be, but in truth, you know,
• 25:23
  [SPEAKER_02]: compete now with AI like how can a person compete with the super computer of the world that has knowledge about whatever it is that you are really interested in and then we'll give it to you in a way that is so tantalizing that'll peek your curiosity that you must know what is happening there that will make you angry so that you'll be engaged like who can compete against this and then asks of you nothing.
• 25:47
  [SPEAKER_02]: Like, only and it agrees with you about everything, asks nothing of you except that you sit down, relax, and enjoy the show.
• 25:54
  [SPEAKER_02]: All right.
• 25:55
  [SPEAKER_02]: So who in the world there's not a person or that can compete with that?
• 25:58
  [SPEAKER_02]: So to understand, wait a minute, this thing in my hand that I am telling myself, oh, it's for work.
• 26:03
  [SPEAKER_02]: I've all these justifications.
• 26:05
  [SPEAKER_02]: This thing in my hand is ready to erode my attention to keep me here so I can line the pockets of whoever's paying for this advertising and first to realize Wait, we need to get a little upset about this that you're taking nine hours of my day and I don't even have ten minutes to give my spouse my undivided attention because I don't even know how to keep my mind from wandering now.
• 26:26
  [SPEAKER_02]: So we need to get a bit upset and say no more, I need to, whether it is a, you know, and obviously this is the whole other conversation, but these are habits, atomic habits, new habits, these are new rules, these are consequences, etc.
• 26:39
  [SPEAKER_02]: So let it start with a screen free meal that like, okay, spouse of mine, we're at home, phones are away.
• 26:46
  [SPEAKER_02]: You know, and obviously if you are waiting to pick up your son and, you know, things are having you have it near for that reason only.
• 26:53
  [SPEAKER_02]: So date night, phones away, all those kinds of things, like things can wait.
• 26:57
  [SPEAKER_02]: So start with that screen free meal, start with the phone not being the first thing in the morning and not the last thing at night, those bookends, so that instead of like, good night, good night and you guys are both like, you know, back's turned on the phones.
• 27:10
  [SPEAKER_02]: You know, no, like the phone is away and you're saying good night to each other, instead of saying good night to this machine.
• 27:17
  [SPEAKER_02]: And then last piece, when you're out and you have
• 27:23
  [SPEAKER_02]: or another man with you, you'd be like, why is this man or woman sitting with us?
• 27:28
  [SPEAKER_02]: Why is this man or woman trying to get her to church it?
• 27:31
  [SPEAKER_02]: And that is what the phone is doing as it's sitting there.
• 27:34
  [SPEAKER_02]: So just put it away out of sight, even on a lap, like if you're at a restaurant, just not on the table, so that it's not competing for your attention.
• 27:43
  [SPEAKER_02]: Because you're wondering, oh, what's going to happen on it, even if it's just sitting there on the table?
• 27:48
  [SPEAKER_01]: Totally, totally, yeah.
• 27:49
  [SPEAKER_01]: And all these back to the point, if you missed week one, go back.
• 27:53
  [SPEAKER_01]: These are things you can pre-decide.
• 27:55
  [SPEAKER_01]: And it's intentionality.
• 27:57
  [SPEAKER_01]: And that's the key.
• 27:58
  [SPEAKER_01]: And that's what I loved about this book.
• 28:00
  [SPEAKER_01]: Is it made me stop and think about the rhythms I'm in?
• 28:03
  [SPEAKER_01]: And what muscles can I exercise to improve my marriage?
• 28:07
  [SPEAKER_01]: These are not hard things.
• 28:08
  [SPEAKER_01]: This isn't massive.
• 28:09
  [SPEAKER_01]: These are little tiny things.
• 28:11
  [SPEAKER_01]: Let's end on this because I think it's very effort po for who I want to be and what I hope this podcast is, but take fun seriously.
• 28:20
  [SPEAKER_01]: That's decision number four.
• 28:22
  [SPEAKER_01]: And I'm the funniest of my family and I'm saying that because we argue about it every night.
• 28:27
  [SPEAKER_01]: I'm our whole family and I'm like no hands down on me.
• 28:30
  [SPEAKER_01]: Right.
• 28:31
  [SPEAKER_01]: So it's my podcast and they're not here.
• 28:32
  [SPEAKER_01]: So I need everyone to know I'm the funniest, but
• 28:34
  [SPEAKER_01]: Now, truly, I did grow up in a house where laughter was currency, and I'm so thankful I grew up that way because in our house it's that way like if you can't laugh at yourself, it's going to be a rough go over here because we will we will make fun of you and teach you that we will love you hard as well.
• 28:51
  [SPEAKER_01]: But you talk about a lot of different ways to do that and bonding through laughter and I love this chapter, but there's one thing that I want us to wrap with.
• 29:00
  [SPEAKER_01]: and you talked about resist the slide to become transactional roommates.
• 29:06
  [SPEAKER_01]: And if you have been married longer than, what is the number?
• 29:09
  [SPEAKER_01]: Maybe 10 years, then you felt like your roommates, right?
• 29:12
  [SPEAKER_01]: At some point, I literally thought that thought like a week ago when we were talking about, who's paying this and who's picking up that?
• 29:18
  [SPEAKER_01]: And
• 29:19
  [SPEAKER_01]: What I'm like, this is so transactional, it feels like, and there are realities, everyone we know that.
• 29:25
  [SPEAKER_01]: But what's that slide and how do we resist it?
• 29:28
  [SPEAKER_02]: Yeah, the transactions are going to happen, but they can't be the only thing that are happening.
• 29:34
  [SPEAKER_02]: And even think of it when you were dating, the transactions were fun.
• 29:37
  [SPEAKER_02]: We have to get groceries.
• 29:38
  [SPEAKER_02]: Can I go with you?
• 29:39
  [SPEAKER_02]: Like, let's get the milk together.
• 29:42
  [SPEAKER_02]: So it is this idea of, okay, we're going to do all this business, but how can we have fun doing it?
• 29:49
  [SPEAKER_02]: And so there is a long, less active of activities in making marriage easier that you and your spouse can go through and kind of circle the ones that you'd be willing to do.
• 29:58
  [SPEAKER_02]: And so that helps you not become just transactions and roommates when you know, okay, we are going to go like our new thing is dancing, which is very funny because we are not good dancers.
• 30:08
  [SPEAKER_02]: In fact, my husband the other day, he described us as dancers and I thought that was so I almost was like that is false advertising.
• 30:16
  [SPEAKER_02]: he's like talking to me was like well yeah my wife and I we'd like to go dancing and I'm like oh my word that is so weird That sounds so weird, but we have been taking lessons So these are things we're trying that we're like okay transactional roommates wouldn't do this Transactional roommates wouldn't say like okay, let's sign up for salsa classes, which is what we did and it's really funny
• 30:36
  [SPEAKER_02]: Um, kissing transactional roommates do not kiss.
• 30:39
  [SPEAKER_02]: I got that advice from Cliff and Joyce Penner authors of Gift of Sex, The Sex Therapist.
• 30:44
  [SPEAKER_02]: And they said the five to 30 second kiss every day, basically to keep the pilot light lit between two people, roommates don't do that.
• 30:54
  [SPEAKER_02]: So I mean, that's no money, that's very little time, but just, hey, let's get back in the rhythm of a five second kiss.
• 30:59
  [SPEAKER_02]: Now believe me.
• 31:00
  [SPEAKER_02]: We get out of this so easily someone gets a cold someone's, you know, and it's like, oh, we'll don't kiss me.
• 31:05
  [SPEAKER_02]: And then it's like, forget that.
• 31:06
  [SPEAKER_02]: So you have to just keep bringing it back.
• 31:08
  [SPEAKER_02]: So this thing about fighting the slide of being roommates is you just realize, oh, we've been drifting.
• 31:13
  [SPEAKER_02]: Okay, time to schedule a date night.
• 31:15
  [SPEAKER_02]: Oh, let's bring back the daily kiss.
• 31:17
  [SPEAKER_02]: When are we going to go dancing next?
• 31:19
  [SPEAKER_02]: When are we going to learn something new together?
• 31:21
  [SPEAKER_02]: Let's just hold hands on the way to church.
• 31:24
  [SPEAKER_02]: Let's like look at each other for five seconds.
• 31:26
  [SPEAKER_02]: You know, when you look at each other for five seconds, the other one's going to be like, what?
• 31:30
  [SPEAKER_02]: It's like, what's going on?
• 31:31
  [SPEAKER_02]: Because we don't do that anymore, but we used to.
• 31:34
  [SPEAKER_02]: So that's so tiny, but just across the room you look and if the other person's like, what?
• 31:39
  [SPEAKER_02]: And you're just like, oh, I was just thinking of how strong you are or whatever, you know what I'm gonna say.
• 31:45
  [SPEAKER_00]: You can be all cheesy and funny.
• 31:46
  [SPEAKER_02]: But just start doing those little things.
• 31:50
  [SPEAKER_02]: And we do have to re-remind it because they don't come naturally.
• 31:52
  [SPEAKER_02]: The slide comes naturally.
• 31:54
  [SPEAKER_02]: So you have to do these things on purpose.
• 31:57
  [SPEAKER_01]: but they're easy.
• 31:58
  [SPEAKER_01]: They are, they are, and I'll end with this.
• 32:01
  [SPEAKER_01]: Kind of a funny story of this, but everyone take a deep breath.
• 32:06
  [SPEAKER_01]: I'm getting ready to share something.
• 32:08
  [SPEAKER_01]: Our water got turned off a couple of months ago, and I'm like, I call Mike jokingly, but I'm like, I guess they're doing work on the street, like the waters, no.
• 32:16
  [SPEAKER_01]: I said, did you pay the bill the waters off?
• 32:18
  [SPEAKER_01]: We laugh.
• 32:19
  [SPEAKER_01]: I said, no, actually, I think they're working on the street.
• 32:23
  [SPEAKER_01]: And I saw some, you know, crews down the way and he laughed.
• 32:26
  [SPEAKER_01]: He's like, okay.
• 32:27
  [SPEAKER_01]: And then he's like, well, now you may be paranoid.
• 32:29
  [SPEAKER_01]: Hold on.
• 32:29
  [SPEAKER_01]: And so he looked real quick.
• 32:31
  [SPEAKER_01]: And he goes, oh my gosh.
• 32:32
  [SPEAKER_01]: No, it did get turned off.
• 32:33
  [SPEAKER_01]: I go, what?
• 32:34
  [SPEAKER_01]: And he goes, this was like literally like in November.
• 32:37
  [SPEAKER_01]: He goes, I haven't paid a sense to July.
• 32:39
  [SPEAKER_01]: And I was like, how did, what?
• 32:41
  [SPEAKER_01]: And he was like, I said, do they not send emails?
• 32:44
  [SPEAKER_01]: Do they not put things on your door?
• 32:45
  [SPEAKER_01]: He goes, well, apparently they send emails, but I have a whole separate email account with only Bill's stuff, and I don't look at it very often.
• 32:50
  [SPEAKER_00]: It because it's all auto debit, but anyway, we had a credit card that got stolen, so we had to switch it and just forgot to switch it.
• 32:56
  [SPEAKER_00]: Yes.
• 32:57
  [SPEAKER_00]: Okay.
• 32:57
  [SPEAKER_00]: Well, my immediate reaction was this is so annoying.
• 33:01
  [SPEAKER_00]: Like, we don't have water.
• 33:02
  [SPEAKER_00]: And so then we had to call the people, and they had to come out, then we missed him, and they came again, it was this whole thing.
• 33:08
  [SPEAKER_01]: We laughed about it.
• 33:09
  [SPEAKER_01]: Like we're still kind of laughing about it.
• 33:11
  [SPEAKER_00]: It was months again, but we laughed about it.
• 33:12
  [SPEAKER_00]: But I thought back to when we first got married and for months, we were both young lawyers and we had good income and no kids.
• 33:18
  [SPEAKER_00]: And we kept having to dip into savings every month.
• 33:21
  [SPEAKER_00]: We didn't have enough money.
• 33:22
  [SPEAKER_00]: And I was like, I don't understand.
• 33:24
  [SPEAKER_00]: We were fine alone, but together, we can't make ends meet.
• 33:28
  [SPEAKER_00]: Well, we figured out after a couple of months, both of us had set up auto pay on all our bills.
• 33:34
  [SPEAKER_00]: I mean, just did it and we were double paying every single bill and I look at this and that every time telling you all this ridiculous story is that we couldn't wait to out grace each other when we were early married.
• 33:45
  [SPEAKER_00]: We had set up the bills.
• 33:47
  [SPEAKER_00]: I was just doing it for him.
• 33:48
  [SPEAKER_00]: I'm not even telling because I'm going to and then hear all these years later.
• 33:52
  [SPEAKER_00]: Like not only we're not outgracing each other but something's falling to the cracks.
• 33:55
  [SPEAKER_00]: I'm annoyed all the things and I think how do we get back to that place Where we are so anxious to outgrace each other out serve each other right and and it's just these little tiny things that we implement back in and these little steps and so I love this book
• 34:11
  [SPEAKER_00]: because it's making marriage easier, it's never going to be easy, easy, but to make it easier, and how to pre-decide things.
• 34:18
  [SPEAKER_00]: And how do we serve each other?
• 34:19
  [SPEAKER_00]: How do we put rules into place that matter?
• 34:21
  [SPEAKER_00]: How do we give things?
• 34:23
  [SPEAKER_00]: Like all these little things, how do we keep the drag and small?
• 34:27
  [SPEAKER_00]: All of these little things that make for a happy marriage.
• 34:31
  [SPEAKER_00]: And so Arlene,
• 34:33
  [SPEAKER_00]: You killed it.
• 34:34
  [SPEAKER_00]: Thank you for writing the book.
• 34:35
  [SPEAKER_00]: Tell everybody how to find more of our lean in its Pelican.
• 34:39
  [SPEAKER_00]: Pelican rhymes with Cancane.
• 34:41
  [SPEAKER_00]: Handicain.
• 34:42
  [SPEAKER_02]: How can we find you if and they do want to find more of you.
• 34:45
  [SPEAKER_02]: Have a look at that.
• 34:46
  [SPEAKER_02]: You can go to my name, our lean Pelican.com and then you'll see the book making marriage easier.
• 34:52
  [SPEAKER_02]: Click on that and there's like,
• 34:54
  [SPEAKER_02]: date nights even if you have like a short amount of time there's suggestions for like oh you have 15 minutes do this you have 30 minutes do this so you can check all that out at our leanpublicain.com and my podcast is called the Happy Home.
• 35:08
  [SPEAKER_01]: The Happy Home.
• 35:09
  [SPEAKER_01]: Thanks, Arlene.
• 35:10
  [SPEAKER_01]: Thank you.
• 35:12
  [SPEAKER_01]: All right, I enjoy those two weeks with our lean.
• 35:15
  [SPEAKER_01]: I hate that it's over, but listen, make sure you check out our book.
• 35:18
  [SPEAKER_01]: It's called Making Marriage Easier and I'm telling you, I have enjoyed it so much.
• 35:23
  [SPEAKER_01]: It's how to love and life your spouse for life.
• 35:26
  [SPEAKER_01]: And then also, if I could remind you one more time, would you pop over to Cynthiaganoff.com and add your email that would be a huge blessing to me as I consider what mesmerize will look like in the fall and takes time to summer to really play over it.
• 35:40
  [SPEAKER_01]: and figure out and discern God's best for this show.
• 35:44
  [SPEAKER_01]: So good to see you again after I'll call him and do that.
• 35:46
  [SPEAKER_01]: And guys, thanks for being a part of the Mesmerized family.
• 35:48
  [SPEAKER_01]: You're the very best.