Latest / The Keri Croft Show / Business, Motherhood, and Getting Your Pink Back with Meleka Jolliff, Founder of MMJ Events and Aiden & Grace.

Transcript

Business, Motherhood, and Getting Your Pink Back with Meleka Jolliff, Founder of MMJ Events and Aiden & Grace. · The Keri Croft Show

• 0:00
  Keri Croft: Avena Women's Care is a collective of 40 plus providers that have been serving Central Ohio communities with comprehensive women's health care for decades.
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• 0:32
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• 0:34
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• 1:23
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• 1:52
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• 1:59
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• 2:02
  Keri Croft: Hey there, you beautiful badass, badass, badass.
• 2:06
  Keri Croft: Welcome to the Carrie Croft Show.
• 2:11
  Keri Croft: It's Malika.
• 2:12
  Keri Croft: Hello.
• 2:13
  Keri Croft: Welcome back.
• 2:14
  Keri Croft: Thank you.
• 2:15
  Keri Croft: Welcome back to the Carrie Croft Show.
• 2:16
  Keri Croft: You were in the content studio at the IRL.
• 2:18
  Keri Croft: Yes, crushing it.
• 2:20
  Keri Croft: And you were on you were one of the seven baddies.
• 2:24
  Keri Croft: Did you like it?
• 2:25
  SPEAKER_03: I did.
• 2:26
  SPEAKER_03: I liked it more than I was a little nervous.
• 2:29
  SPEAKER_03: And uh, but I really ended up enjoying it a lot.
• 2:33
  SPEAKER_03: You were nervous.
• 2:34
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah.
• 2:37
  SPEAKER_03: Silly things.
• 2:40
  SPEAKER_03: So Oh what you said.
• 2:42
  SPEAKER_03: What did you say?
• 2:43
  SPEAKER_03: You go, it's the it's the vodka fresco.
• 2:46
  SPEAKER_03: Oh no, the apple juice on the plane was the weird one that I said that one.
• 2:51
  Keri Croft: Okay, let's let's let's address it.
• 2:52
  Keri Croft: Let's address it.
• 2:53
  SPEAKER_03: That was like your big The amount of people have sent me photos of them drinking apple juice on an airplane is hysterical.
• 3:00
  SPEAKER_00: That when you said it when you put it on the phone.
• 3:02
  SPEAKER_00: After I said that, yeah.
• 3:02
  SPEAKER_03: That was the Because nobody knew that.
• 3:04
  SPEAKER_03: Like literally nobody knew that because why would I tell people that?
• 3:08
  SPEAKER_03: But it came out because it was the first thing that popped in my head when you asked me.
• 3:12
  SPEAKER_03: And then since then, my friends keep sending me photos of themselves.
• 3:16
  Keri Croft: You're never gonna live it down.
• 3:17
  Keri Croft: I know, never.
• 3:18
  Keri Croft: That was like the salacious, it was like the most salacious detail about you.
• 3:22
  Keri Croft: I only drink apple juice on airplanes.
• 3:24
  Keri Croft: Yeah, but if you give it to me on land, I'm not gonna take it from you.
• 3:28
  SPEAKER_03: I think I just like grew up in a house.
• 3:30
  SPEAKER_03: My mom was like super health conscious, and there's like a lot of sugar in apple juice, so I it's like a treat, you know.
• 3:35
  SPEAKER_03: Like, I don't know.
• 3:36
  SPEAKER_03: Oh and so I started drinking it young on planes, like because I was nervous and the like the sugar rush maybe helped.
• 3:42
  SPEAKER_03: I actually don't know.
• 3:43
  SPEAKER_03: I'm making up, I have no idea why, but I'm thinking that's it.
• 3:46
  Keri Croft: That's hilarious.
• 3:47
  Keri Croft: Well, I'm glad that you joined the group and you guys made the space so beautiful.
• 3:52
  Keri Croft: Oh, thank you.
• 3:53
  Keri Croft: It was so fat, it was just so fantastic.
• 3:55
  Keri Croft: And that little sign you guys made.
• 3:57
  Keri Croft: Yes, yes.
• 4:00
  SPEAKER_03: Um, yeah, the team is amazing.
• 4:02
  SPEAKER_03: I have the best team ever.
• 4:03
  SPEAKER_03: I just am so thankful.
• 4:05
  SPEAKER_03: And it was fun to do.
• 4:06
  SPEAKER_03: We we love getting to do things that are outside the box or where we get to be creative, and yeah, it's definitely a good one.
• 4:12
  Keri Croft: Well, you are the founder, the head bitch in charge, MMJ events, Aiden and Grace.
• 4:19
  Keri Croft: You also have a warehouse that you went in with a friend.
• 4:22
  Keri Croft: Correct.
• 4:22
  Keri Croft: It's called Skyflower.
• 4:23
  Keri Croft: Skyflower, yes.
• 4:24
  Keri Croft: See, I know everything about you.
• 4:26
  Keri Croft: Um so just to tee that up in case you're wondering, who is this this gorgeous brunette that is in front of me?
• 4:32
  Keri Croft: But you said you have the best team, but that doesn't just happen.
• 4:35
  Keri Croft: Correct.
• 4:36
  Keri Croft: You know that, and I know that.
• 4:38
  Keri Croft: So how what do you do to make sure, like as the you know, founder that that you create the culture and make sure that like you constantly have the bench, you're filling the funnel, and that you're you have the team that's like executing the dream.
• 4:54
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah.
• 4:54
  SPEAKER_03: I think it's there's no formula for it.
• 4:58
  SPEAKER_03: It's really just by trial and error.
• 5:00
  SPEAKER_03: Like when I started, I had one person, I mean, it just I had grown, and then you just find the people that a like morale has to be high high because the job is hard and stressful and can be super long hours and tiring.
• 5:14
  SPEAKER_03: So, like you want somebody on the team that is in it and feels it and like treats the company, especially like Kate, she's been with me the longest.
• 5:22
  SPEAKER_03: That girl loves this company like it's her own.
• 5:24
  SPEAKER_03: And so I think for me, you know, finding those people that really care about it is is key.
• 5:31
  SPEAKER_03: So yeah, um, and then of course, once they're on, you know, you just pay them well and keep them happy and treat them well.
• 5:37
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah.
• 5:38
  Keri Croft: Yeah.
• 5:38
  Keri Croft: So you said like you're in the thick of wedding season now, right?
• 5:41
  Keri Croft: Is wedding season, is it May, June, like the the main peak?
• 5:45
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah, I think we really kicked off in May.
• 5:48
  SPEAKER_03: Um, and then we'll really go through October.
• 5:50
  SPEAKER_03: November dies down a little bit, and then December gets busy with holiday.
• 5:54
  SPEAKER_03: And it's not just weddings, like we do a lot of corporate and now we do a lot of brands.
• 5:58
  SPEAKER_03: So, like for us right now, what that's been keeping me up at night.
• 6:03
  SPEAKER_03: We're doing Buckeye Country Super Fest for the third year in a row.
• 6:05
  SPEAKER_03: So we do like the artist dressing rooms, we do the VRP area on the field, all the things.
• 6:10
  SPEAKER_03: And but then on top of it, that's huge.
• 6:12
  SPEAKER_03: I mean, that's like we need a crew of 15 people, multiple.
• 6:16
  SPEAKER_03: I think we had six 26-foot trucks of stuff last year.
• 6:20
  SPEAKER_03: Um, but then on top of it, we have our normal weekends and normal events on top of that.
• 6:26
  SPEAKER_03: So it's just it's a lot.
• 6:27
  SPEAKER_03: It's but it's great.
• 6:28
  SPEAKER_03: It's that um, it's exhausting, but I also I get like this high from it.
• 6:33
  Keri Croft: Oh, I bet.
• 6:34
  Keri Croft: So how many weddings are you like geppettoing right now?
• 6:38
  Keri Croft: Like you are like the.
• 6:40
  SPEAKER_03: I mean, you're you've got so I personally on the MMJ side am not taking a lot of weddings on anymore.
• 6:46
  SPEAKER_03: Esther's doing the weddings.
• 6:48
  SPEAKER_03: I've been doing it 17 years.
• 6:50
  SPEAKER_03: I'm a little, it's not that I it's just evolution.
• 6:55
  SPEAKER_03: Yes, I just I'm enjoying the corporate, I'm enjoying the branding.
• 6:59
  SPEAKER_03: And Esther is loving the wedding, so I'm like, you do that, I'll do this, and that works for us.
• 7:05
  SPEAKER_03: So okay.
• 7:06
  SPEAKER_03: Um, so yeah.
• 7:08
  SPEAKER_03: Uh corporate clients, we do um some really cool events that because I and originally I didn't think when I first started I didn't wanted to do corporate because it's I thought it was just like branded pens and conferences, and it's really not.
• 7:20
  SPEAKER_03: Like there's some corporate that really care about like the aesthetic and the design and stuff.
• 7:24
  SPEAKER_03: That's been really fun.
• 7:26
  Keri Croft: Do you do or do you are you going out pursuing new accounts?
• 7:29
  Keri Croft: Like, is that what's your main stuff?
• 7:31
  Keri Croft: So are you like, okay, I got all I can all I can handle right now?
• 7:33
  SPEAKER_03: It's not that I have all that I can, I would definitely take on more, but we are not like we do zero marketing, like we none, zero zip.
• 7:43
  SPEAKER_03: I don't spend any money on ads or it's all word of mouth, which has been incredible.
• 7:48
  SPEAKER_03: I can't believe that it's as big as it is and have gotten where I have just based on that.
• 7:54
  SPEAKER_03: So then I'm always like, if I could grow the team big enough to actually do that, like what could happen?
• 7:59
  Keri Croft: Well, true.
• 8:01
  Keri Croft: I mean, I think too, like with what you're doing, the devils and the details, right?
• 8:04
  Keri Croft: You like the surprise, like even like that sign.
• 8:06
  Keri Croft: You guys didn't have to do that.
• 8:07
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah.
• 8:08
  Keri Croft: You know, like thinking about that has to be weaved in your culture.
• 8:12
  SPEAKER_03: Yes.
• 8:12
  SPEAKER_03: I think that taking care of the clients and making sure they're happy and the little surprises and the little details is like what we love.
• 8:19
  SPEAKER_03: I mean, I did a wedding one time, and the bride had um Red and Groom both graduated from Alabama, and there's a bar there called, oh, I don't even remember the name of it, Gilepsies or something like that.
• 8:31
  SPEAKER_03: And there's a cocktail that they drink at all the games.
• 8:35
  SPEAKER_03: It's called the Alabama Yellow Slammer Hammer or something like that.
• 8:39
  SPEAKER_03: And so they wanted that to be their signature cocktail.
• 8:41
  SPEAKER_03: Well, my brother went to Alabama, so I had him ship me cups that because they come in this yellow cup or something.
• 8:48
  SPEAKER_03: I don't know.
• 8:48
  SPEAKER_03: So then, like, I was able to surprise them.
• 8:50
  SPEAKER_03: Like small details like that that just make them feel like special and that you thought of them.
• 8:55
  SPEAKER_03: And they like freaked out when they saw the cups.
• 8:57
  Keri Croft: So you do that, like that's kind of part of your special sauce.
• 9:00
  Keri Croft: Yeah.
• 9:01
  Keri Croft: But I try.
• 9:01
  Keri Croft: I don't think a lot of people do do that.
• 9:03
  Keri Croft: You know what I mean?
• 9:04
  Keri Croft: Because that's pretty like above and beyond.
• 9:06
  Keri Croft: Yeah.
• 9:06
  Keri Croft: Well, we can get home too.
• 9:09
  Keri Croft: Are you like the mom that does the like yeah?
• 9:12
  Keri Croft: You are, aren't you?
• 9:13
  Keri Croft: You're the Pinterest, the Pinterest stuff.
• 9:16
  SPEAKER_03: Yes, I do.
• 9:17
  SPEAKER_03: Um, I'm not super crafty though.
• 9:19
  SPEAKER_03: So I just have to buy it.
• 9:21
  SPEAKER_03: Like, whatever it is, I'll just get it.
• 9:22
  SPEAKER_03: But like the little treats and the little supplies.
• 9:24
  SPEAKER_03: Like give me some details.
• 9:25
  Keri Croft: Like what make me mad.
• 9:27
  SPEAKER_03: Well, I mean, nothing.
• 9:28
  SPEAKER_03: I just really at the end of the day, I just my husband's just my husband did not come from that at all.
• 9:35
  SPEAKER_03: Like he never even had an Easter basket as a kid.
• 9:37
  SPEAKER_03: And I was like, You're deprived as a child.
• 9:40
  SPEAKER_03: Here, let me make you one.
• 9:41
  SPEAKER_03: Like we were dating, I like made him an Easter basket.
• 9:43
  SPEAKER_03: Why didn't he have an Easter basket though?
• 9:45
  SPEAKER_03: I don't know.
• 9:45
  SPEAKER_03: I think like they just didn't do that.
• 9:48
  SPEAKER_03: I don't know.
• 9:49
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah, I guess.
• 9:49
  SPEAKER_03: He actually had two boys.
• 9:51
  SPEAKER_03: I don't know.
• 9:52
  SPEAKER_03: I don't know, but I was the opposite.
• 9:54
  SPEAKER_03: Like my mom went all out all the time.
• 9:56
  SPEAKER_03: And so I am very much like that of going, you know, whatever my kids and not I don't want to say whatever my kids want, but I do they are a little spoiled.
• 10:05
  SPEAKER_03: But they're very grateful.
• 10:06
  SPEAKER_03: Like what wa spoil little shits.
• 10:09
  Keri Croft: What's the last like what's the last little thing, creative thing that you've done?
• 10:15
  Keri Croft: Oh creative details, like yeah.
• 10:18
  SPEAKER_03: Well, since I know he won't listen to this, um, I this is not, I haven't actually given it to him yet, but my son's entering high school and he's a fantastic runner, like state runner.
• 10:30
  SPEAKER_03: And so I have started, I just had the idea the other day.
• 10:33
  SPEAKER_03: So I've started keeping all of his track shoes from like all his cleats so that on his graduation I can make some sort of like backdrop display with all his shoes.
• 10:43
  SPEAKER_03: So he keeps going, Mom, why don't you keep throwing these out?
• 10:45
  SPEAKER_03: And I'm like, Oh, I'll get to it.
• 10:46
  SPEAKER_03: I'm gonna donate him.
• 10:47
  SPEAKER_03: And then I like hoard him in the basement.
• 10:49
  SPEAKER_03: So just like things like that.
• 10:50
  SPEAKER_03: I'm like trying to think ahead of that.
• 10:52
  SPEAKER_03: Obviously, that's in four years, so that's a little excessive, but not really.
• 10:55
  Keri Croft: I I think did you see the one thing?
• 10:58
  Keri Croft: Um, I don't know if it was on was it TikTok?
• 11:02
  Keri Croft: I saw it somewhere and I was like, that is actually really touching and cute.
• 11:07
  Keri Croft: Like the parents had kept like whether it was like a Halloween costume when they were four and like a let's call it like a first communion.
• 11:18
  Keri Croft: I mean, there were like moments throughout their entire childhood.
• 11:21
  Keri Croft: Yeah.
• 11:21
  Keri Croft: And on the 18th birthday, like it was like one of those where you like could snot, like you could like ugly cry.
• 11:28
  Keri Croft: And I was like, I couldn't even be annoyed with them because I was like, that is so actually, I think I need to do that.
• 11:34
  Keri Croft: I need to start doing that.
• 11:35
  SPEAKER_03: So we have something similar.
• 11:37
  SPEAKER_03: The kids know about it, though.
• 11:38
  SPEAKER_03: It's not a surprise, but we caught like Viv has one.
• 11:40
  SPEAKER_03: I could go put this in your Vivi box, or she'll be proud of something.
• 11:43
  SPEAKER_03: I'm like, go put it in your baby box.
• 11:44
  SPEAKER_03: So we have like a box that has like their first shoe and a blanket and a stuffy and pictures they had drawn, and I don't know, just stuff.
• 11:53
  Keri Croft: Yeah, I feel like I need to do that though.
• 11:55
  Keri Croft: Yeah.
• 11:55
  Keri Croft: Have a mole, like I mean, who am I kidding?
• 11:57
  Keri Croft: I'm probably not going to, but I mean it was like in every corner of the house, like every it was like like different like scenes.
• 12:02
  Keri Croft: Yeah.
• 12:03
  SPEAKER_03: You know what I mean?
• 12:04
  SPEAKER_03: Well, they grew up so fast.
• 12:05
  SPEAKER_03: That's what I'm scared of.
• 12:06
  SPEAKER_03: Is like they're growing, he's growing up so quick.
• 12:09
  SPEAKER_03: I'm like, you were just we just talked in kindergarten about what you wanted to be when you grow up, and now you're going to be in high school.
• 12:15
  SPEAKER_03: And so I think it goes so fast that just like holding on to those memories is like really important.
• 12:22
  Keri Croft: You have three Aiden, Grace, and the young.
• 12:24
  SPEAKER_03: No, actually, so they're the middle names.
• 12:26
  SPEAKER_03: So the middle okay, yeah, yeah.
• 12:28
  SPEAKER_03: Okay, Lucas Aiden.
• 12:30
  SPEAKER_03: Is it Vivian?
• 12:31
  SPEAKER_03: Vivian Grace, yeah, and then Blakely Skye.
• 12:34
  SPEAKER_03: Blakely Sky.
• 12:35
  SPEAKER_03: And Skye is Skyflower, which is our building.
• 12:38
  Keri Croft: Okay.
• 12:38
  Keri Croft: And then Blakely is how old?
• 12:40
  Keri Croft: Two and a half.
• 12:40
  Keri Croft: Okay.
• 12:41
  Keri Croft: We started over.
• 12:42
  Keri Croft: Yeah, yeah, yeah.
• 12:42
  Keri Croft: So what was that conversation like?
• 12:44
  Keri Croft: Were you just like, hey, I'm like, they're getting too old now.
• 12:47
  Keri Croft: I'm really need another one.
• 12:48
  SPEAKER_03: I think I always knew I wanted three, but with growing these companies, just work took a lot out of me.
• 12:56
  SPEAKER_03: And so I just thought, oh, I'll have time, or when I have this many employees, or when I hit this sales number, or whatever.
• 13:01
  SPEAKER_03: But that bar just kept moving.
• 13:04
  SPEAKER_03: And then all of a sudden one day I woke up and I was like, gosh, crap, I'm 36 years old, and I probably should do this.
• 13:11
  SPEAKER_03: And so we started trying.
• 13:12
  SPEAKER_03: Um, I had a couple of miscarriages and just struggled to, you know, I was just getting older.
• 13:17
  SPEAKER_03: And then I had her, I got pregnant at 39.
• 13:20
  SPEAKER_03: Had her at 39.
• 13:22
  SPEAKER_03: How was that like it's incredible?
• 13:24
  Keri Croft: But how was the starting over?
• 13:25
  Keri Croft: Was it because you wanted it?
• 13:27
  Keri Croft: I did want it.
• 13:27
  Keri Croft: So everyone thinks it was an oops.
• 13:29
  SPEAKER_03: Like when I tell people they're like, oh, oops.
• 13:31
  SPEAKER_03: And I was like, actually, no, it was planned.
• 13:33
  SPEAKER_03: But it's so I wish I could talk all my friends into having children later in life.
• 13:38
  SPEAKER_03: It's just a different experience.
• 13:40
  SPEAKER_03: Like I'm so much more chill.
• 13:43
  SPEAKER_03: And so then she's chill.
• 13:45
  SPEAKER_03: And then also I feel like she's brought our family not back together, but like, you know, my kids are at an age they're getting older.
• 13:53
  SPEAKER_03: Like Lucas likes to play his video games with his friends.
• 13:55
  SPEAKER_03: Viv's constantly on FaceTime with her friends.
• 13:58
  SPEAKER_03: And whereas where that probably would take focus, it brings us back together because they want to hang out with her and she is like obsessed with them.
• 14:06
  Keri Croft: So it brings the family kind of she's in that toddler, just like that's my Kyle's gonna be three in August.
• 14:13
  Keri Croft: Yeah, they are the cutest, it's the best.
• 14:16
  Keri Croft: It really, I mean, it's really cute.
• 14:18
  SPEAKER_03: Now that she's like starting to talk a little bit, she's saying the things that like crack up you don't ever want to forget.
• 14:22
  Keri Croft: Yeah, like when you write it down.
• 14:24
  SPEAKER_03: No, that's so great.
• 14:25
  Keri Croft: Yeah.
• 14:25
  Keri Croft: Was your husband totally on board, or did you have to like what's his name?
• 14:28
  Keri Croft: Kinsey.
• 14:29
  Keri Croft: Your husband's name's Kinsey.
• 14:30
  Keri Croft: Yes.
• 14:30
  SPEAKER_03: That's well, it's it's his middle name.
• 14:33
  SPEAKER_03: Everybody in his family was John, like his grandpa's John, his dad was John.
• 14:36
  SPEAKER_03: I don't get so they all go by their middle name.
• 14:38
  SPEAKER_03: None of them actually even went by John.
• 14:40
  Keri Croft: It's very where did the Kinsey name come from?
• 14:42
  Keri Croft: That's his middle name.
• 14:43
  Keri Croft: I know, but where did that be?
• 14:44
  SPEAKER_03: Oh, I have no idea.
• 14:45
  SPEAKER_03: It's K-I-N-S-E-Y.
• 14:47
  Keri Croft: I I need to know this now.
• 14:48
  Keri Croft: So can someone when this episode comes out, could someone DM me?
• 14:51
  Keri Croft: I want to know is this a family name?
• 14:53
  Keri Croft: Like, I don't know if this is a really cool different name.
• 14:55
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah.
• 14:55
  SPEAKER_03: And he never goes by John.
• 14:57
  SPEAKER_03: So on our wedding invitations, it said John.
• 15:00
  SPEAKER_03: And like I remember one of my girlfriends, she was like, Who is John?
• 15:04
  SPEAKER_03: I'm like, who's this name?
• 15:06
  Keri Croft: That's so funny.
• 15:06
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah.
• 15:07
  Keri Croft: So did you have to convince him at all, or was he like, okay, whatever?
• 15:10
  Keri Croft: Usually the men are like the laggard.
• 15:12
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah.
• 15:13
  SPEAKER_03: Uh I did have to do a little convincing.
• 15:16
  SPEAKER_03: Because you know not a lot.
• 15:17
  SPEAKER_03: But he's older than me.
• 15:19
  SPEAKER_03: So by how much?
• 15:20
  SPEAKER_03: Three years.
• 15:21
  SPEAKER_03: Okay.
• 15:22
  SPEAKER_03: So he kind of was like, and but he he truly is the best.
• 15:27
  SPEAKER_03: Like, whatever I want.
• 15:28
  SPEAKER_03: He's kind of like, okay, but if you really want it.
• 15:30
  SPEAKER_03: Even I joked about having four, but he's he's fixed.
• 15:33
  SPEAKER_03: Like he's done.
• 15:35
  Keri Croft: He's been neutered.
• 15:37
  SPEAKER_03: Whatever that is.
• 15:39
  SPEAKER_03: So yeah.
• 15:41
  SPEAKER_03: He but he he knows it's irreversible.
• 15:44
  SPEAKER_03: So he was like, I mean, if you and I was like, no, babe, I would never do that to you.
• 15:47
  SPEAKER_03: Because I would want him to want it.
• 15:48
  SPEAKER_03: Like, I don't want to.
• 15:50
  SPEAKER_03: If you don't want to, I don't want to.
• 15:52
  SPEAKER_03: But for Blakely, I did have to be like, can we please?
• 15:56
  SPEAKER_03: And he kind of had to think about it.
• 15:58
  SPEAKER_03: And then, and then one day he just woke up.
• 16:00
  SPEAKER_03: He was like, let's let's do it.
• 16:01
  SPEAKER_03: And I was like, really?
• 16:02
  SPEAKER_03: And he was like, Yeah.
• 16:03
  SPEAKER_03: And he was on board.
• 16:04
  SPEAKER_03: That's so great.
• 16:05
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah.
• 16:05
  Keri Croft: I mean, I'm obviously an older mom.
• 16:07
  Keri Croft: Old da da duh.
• 16:09
  Keri Croft: And it really is there is like a um like a laid back kind of different vibe.
• 16:19
  Keri Croft: It's like not, you're not a grandma, but you're like in between the philosophy of like a mom and like it's and a grandma.
• 16:26
  Keri Croft: Like it's really, or an aunt or something.
• 16:28
  Keri Croft: Like I don't get, I don't get wrapped around the like certain things I do.
• 16:32
  Keri Croft: Like I'll get real up emotional or upset if like Dane, if something goes wrong at school or like my emotions, like I will get so but when it comes to like eating organic every day or you know, having to have a violin, like I I feel like I'm just way more like go with the flow.
• 16:49
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah.
• 16:50
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah.
• 16:51
  SPEAKER_03: I I think I'm that way too.
• 16:53
  SPEAKER_03: I'm just way, I don't know.
• 16:55
  SPEAKER_03: I just the other two worked out, so I'm like, she's gonna be fine, whatever.
• 16:59
  Keri Croft: Well, yeah.
• 17:00
  Keri Croft: Well, when you're also running a business to the extent that you are, is it even possible to be super wrapped around the axle about everything?
• 17:06
  Keri Croft: I mean, you only have so much to give.
• 17:08
  Keri Croft: Yes.
• 17:08
  Keri Croft: So you you know what I mean?
• 17:10
  SPEAKER_03: Like how but I do try, like we do have a nanny because I do that.
• 17:14
  SPEAKER_03: Was one thing that was really important to me is I didn't want the older kids to feel like their life was disrupted with a baby, and you know, so I still wanted them to be able to.
• 17:25
  SPEAKER_03: I mean, we have track track stuff at night, and Viv has cheer, and like we're just all over the place driving and practices and stuff, and then hauling her around is like not fair to her sometimes.
• 17:34
  SPEAKER_03: So having someone to help has been huge for us, and even like going on vacation, we bring her on vacation with us because if we're at the pool, I don't want to be like, okay, we all have to go because Blakely has to nap.
• 17:48
  SPEAKER_03: Right, you know, so now it's just helpful to have the extra hands and did you at like, did you tell the other two as well, like, hey, we're gonna have a bait?
• 17:58
  Keri Croft: Like, were they kind of like, What the hell?
• 18:00
  Keri Croft: Yeah, yeah.
• 18:01
  Keri Croft: Did it take them a minute?
• 18:02
  Keri Croft: It did.
• 18:03
  SPEAKER_03: Well, first they were excited.
• 18:05
  SPEAKER_03: They went through like a roller coaster, like excited, scared, then really excited again.
• 18:10
  SPEAKER_03: And then literally the night before I gave birth, they both cried, like, we don't want this.
• 18:15
  SPEAKER_03: Stop it.
• 18:16
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah, and I was like, Well, she's she's coming, like this is happening.
• 18:20
  SPEAKER_03: The train is left.
• 18:21
  SPEAKER_03: I think it's more so at that age, is of like the scariness of the unknown, yeah, versus anything else.
• 18:28
  SPEAKER_03: Like, they just didn't understand what it would be like, but then I mean, the second she came, they are so obsessed with her.
• 18:34
  Keri Croft: That's so fantastic.
• 18:35
  SPEAKER_03: I mean, my son will come home late from a track meet and can we wake Ligley up?
• 18:40
  SPEAKER_03: I'm like, no, she's sleeping.
• 18:42
  SPEAKER_03: What do you mean, wake her up?
• 18:43
  SPEAKER_03: We're not waking her up.
• 18:44
  SPEAKER_03: Like, yeah.
• 18:44
  SPEAKER_03: He's like, I didn't see her today.
• 18:45
  SPEAKER_03: And I'm like, Well, you're gonna have to wait till tomorrow.
• 18:48
  Keri Croft: That's really sweet.
• 18:48
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah, and he's 14, so he's almost 15.
• 18:51
  SPEAKER_03: He's really really cute.
• 18:53
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah, it's cute.
• 18:54
  Keri Croft: Um, switching subjects because we didn't um I didn't get an intake form from you, so I didn't get to like perv into your music.
• 19:01
  Keri Croft: But what was your um don't tell me what your walkout song was what was it?
• 19:10
  Keri Croft: Sierra.
• 19:11
  Keri Croft: Uh yeah, yeah, yeah.
• 19:13
  Keri Croft: So what what were you listening?
• 19:15
  SPEAKER_03: Did you listen to something on the way over here?
• 19:17
  SPEAKER_03: Um on the way here?
• 19:18
  SPEAKER_03: No.
• 19:21
  SPEAKER_03: But I my music is so, and that's why someone asked me in the audience what I listened to on the way to the real life, and I said, I'm only happy when it rains by garbage, which was so far off of Sierra.
• 19:33
  SPEAKER_03: But like I really do listen to a lot of different types of music, so I'm kind of all over the board.
• 19:41
  SPEAKER_03: So am I, but I'm I mainly listen to country right now, and because I grew up on country music, but then I do, I just love.
• 19:50
  SPEAKER_03: I mean, tonight I'm going to the candlelight um concert.
• 19:53
  SPEAKER_03: Oh, that's cool.
• 19:54
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah, I'm going with my girlfriend, and um tonight is 90s grunge, and so it's like all instrumental, no, you know, and they play it's like Bridget and soundtrack, but to like, and so tonight's 90s grunge.
• 20:08
  SPEAKER_03: So you guys are gonna get you guys are gonna get wild.
• 20:11
  SPEAKER_03: I mean, it's all like in candlelit, so I'm like, do we dress up?
• 20:14
  SPEAKER_03: I don't know.
• 20:15
  SPEAKER_03: Maybe I mean I don't know.
• 20:16
  SPEAKER_03: You could probably get away with whatever these days, but um so I it's all over the place.
• 20:21
  SPEAKER_03: What's your country vibe?
• 20:23
  SPEAKER_03: Uh it depends on my mood.
• 20:25
  SPEAKER_03: Like sometimes I'll listen to just regular cut like current pop country, Kane Brown, um, Lou Combs.
• 20:32
  SPEAKER_03: But then if I'm feeling nostalgic, then I'll listen to 90s country because that's what I grew up on.
• 20:38
  Keri Croft: Who if you had to pick one and leave the other, would you pick Zach Bryan or Tyler Childers?
• 20:46
  Keri Croft: Zach Bryan.
• 20:46
  Keri Croft: You would.
• 20:48
  Keri Croft: But Tyler Childers is doing Buckeye.
• 20:50
  Keri Croft: He is?
• 20:51
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah.
• 20:51
  SPEAKER_03: He's the headliner.
• 20:52
  Keri Croft: See, I really like him.
• 20:53
  Keri Croft: I I like both of them.
• 20:55
  Keri Croft: Yeah.
• 20:56
  Keri Croft: A lot.
• 20:57
  Keri Croft: So I always try to think like they're both neck and neck to me.
• 21:00
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah.
• 21:01
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah, he's the headliner.
• 21:02
  SPEAKER_03: Who else is playing there?
• 21:04
  SPEAKER_03: Something stray, the something straight.
• 21:05
  SPEAKER_03: I actually strays right, yeah.
• 21:09
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah.
• 21:10
  SPEAKER_03: I didn't recognize too many of the bands this year because last year I was really into it because it was Jelly Roll, Kane Brown.
• 21:16
  SPEAKER_03: I love both of them.
• 21:18
  Keri Croft: Wait, there's another one that's not really country, I think.
• 21:20
  Keri Croft: I think they threw in what I can recall, um, Red Clay Strays.
• 21:27
  Keri Croft: And then there's like one that's like Sylvia, can you look it up?
• 21:30
  Keri Croft: It's the um Buckeye Country Fest.
• 21:34
  SPEAKER_03: It was a weird one where I was like, that is random.
• 21:37
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah, my sister's very into it because I was like, who?
• 21:40
  SPEAKER_03: And then I'm not doing Kate's been designing the dressing room, so normally I'd be able to tell you, but I haven't been as involved in this one.
• 21:46
  SPEAKER_03: But yeah, my but my sister's losing her mind, so that's like her jam.
• 21:51
  Keri Croft: I love your um peach nails, coral nails.
• 21:54
  Keri Croft: Oh, thank you.
• 21:54
  Keri Croft: Are those gel?
• 21:56
  Keri Croft: Yeah.
• 21:57
  Keri Croft: So I was thinking about doing peach.
• 21:59
  Keri Croft: I actually had peach.
• 22:00
  Keri Croft: Peach like up against my skin.
• 22:01
  Keri Croft: And then I'm like, I just don't know if peach will work for me.
• 22:04
  Keri Croft: But then when I see you with that peach on, I'm like, that's really good.
• 22:07
  Keri Croft: I think it helps bring out the tan versus wash you out.
• 22:10
  Keri Croft: Well, but you have like I think I feel like you're more like the olive oil lighted than me.
• 22:19
  Keri Croft: Oh yeah, you can talk on it.
• 22:24
  SPEAKER_04: Lord Huron.
• 22:26
  Keri Croft: That's who I Lord Huron.
• 22:28
  Keri Croft: Yeah, I have no idea.
• 22:29
  Keri Croft: They're not country at all.
• 22:30
  Keri Croft: Okay.
• 22:30
  Keri Croft: Lord Huron.
• 22:31
  Keri Croft: They're more like they're great.
• 22:33
  Keri Croft: They're great.
• 22:33
  Keri Croft: Yeah.
• 22:34
  Keri Croft: But they're like um like the night we met.
• 22:37
  Keri Croft: I am not the only traveler.
• 22:41
  Keri Croft: You know what I'm talking about?
• 22:42
  Keri Croft: Take me back to the night we met.
• 22:46
  Keri Croft: You'd know that song.
• 22:47
  Keri Croft: I'm sure.
• 22:48
  Keri Croft: Yeah.
• 22:48
  Keri Croft: It's like, I bet you it'll I feel like it's adjacent.
• 22:51
  Keri Croft: Okay.
• 22:52
  Keri Croft: Like I think that'll be cool.
• 22:53
  Keri Croft: Yeah.
• 22:53
  Keri Croft: Are you going?
• 22:54
  Keri Croft: You're not, you are going?
• 22:55
  SPEAKER_03: I'm not.
• 22:55
  SPEAKER_03: It's it's Vivian's 12th birthday.
• 22:58
  SPEAKER_03: Oh, so we are going to our family's lake house to go to Cedar Point.
• 23:04
  Keri Croft: Where?
• 23:04
  Keri Croft: So wait, so you're at Lake Erie?
• 23:06
  SPEAKER_03: Uh yeah.
• 23:07
  SPEAKER_03: Like Port Clinton area, Catawba Island.
• 23:09
  SPEAKER_03: Oh, do you love it there?
• 23:10
  SPEAKER_03: I love it.
• 23:10
  SPEAKER_03: It is my happy place.
• 23:11
  SPEAKER_03: I'm so happy when I'm there.
• 23:13
  SPEAKER_03: I'm going there this weekend.
• 23:14
  SPEAKER_03: Can't wait.
• 23:14
  SPEAKER_03: It's gonna rain all week, but I don't care.
• 23:16
  Keri Croft: It's like two hours and 15 minutes.
• 23:17
  Keri Croft: Yeah.
• 23:20
  Keri Croft: Are you in a channel?
• 23:21
  Keri Croft: Or like are you on the actual lake?
• 23:23
  Keri Croft: No, we're on the water.
• 23:23
  Keri Croft: Yeah.
• 23:24
  Keri Croft: On the lake.
• 23:26
  Keri Croft: I'm such a lake person.
• 23:27
  Keri Croft: Yeah.
• 23:28
  Keri Croft: But I can never figure out like the right lake.
• 23:31
  Keri Croft: Because Indian Lake's trash.
• 23:33
  Keri Croft: I love Indian Lake.
• 23:34
  Keri Croft: Like I have great memories from there, but the water is just Do you go like you have a boat?
• 23:38
  Keri Croft: You go out on the lake.
• 23:39
  SPEAKER_03: My stepdad has a boat, but it's a very bougie boat.
• 23:43
  SPEAKER_03: So we do not drive it.
• 23:44
  SPEAKER_03: So if he's not with us, then we don't get on a boat.
• 23:47
  SPEAKER_03: But you just like go and hang out.
• 23:49
  Keri Croft: And then do you go to Cedar Point every time?
• 23:51
  SPEAKER_03: Um it's a new thing.
• 23:52
  SPEAKER_03: We went last year for the first time because it's not far.
• 23:54
  SPEAKER_03: And my daughter apparently is a roller coaster junkie.
• 23:57
  SPEAKER_03: I did not realize.
• 23:58
  SPEAKER_03: So because she, you know, like have you heard of golden birthdays?
• 24:02
  SPEAKER_03: That wasn't around when we were around, I don't think.
• 24:04
  SPEAKER_03: So what's that?
• 24:04
  SPEAKER_03: Golden birthday is the year you're the year you're turning and the day you were born.
• 24:09
  SPEAKER_03: So like my birthday is May 30th.
• 24:11
  SPEAKER_03: So my 30th birthday was my golden birthday.
• 24:14
  SPEAKER_03: Her birthday is June 12th, so she's turning 12.
• 24:18
  SPEAKER_03: So like that's her golden birthday.
• 24:20
  SPEAKER_03: She's been talking about her golden birthday since she was nine.
• 24:22
  SPEAKER_03: Stop it.
• 24:23
  SPEAKER_03: So this is like the big one.
• 24:24
  SPEAKER_03: This is like her 16th birthday in her head.
• 24:27
  SPEAKER_03: And so she's very excited about it.
• 24:29
  SPEAKER_03: And she's been planning it for years.
• 24:30
  SPEAKER_03: But she said that she wanted to go on a trip, just her and I.
• 24:33
  SPEAKER_03: And I said, sure.
• 24:34
  SPEAKER_03: So we were gonna go to LA.
• 24:35
  SPEAKER_03: We've been planning to go to LA for three years.
• 24:38
  SPEAKER_03: And then last year, after she went to Cedar Point for the first time, she's like, Mom, I've changed my mind.
• 24:43
  SPEAKER_03: I want to go to Cedar Point for my birthday.
• 24:45
  SPEAKER_01: And I was like, okay, pivot.
• 24:48
  SPEAKER_01: Save me some money.
• 24:49
  SPEAKER_01: Sure.
• 24:49
  SPEAKER_01: Let's go to Cedar Point.
• 24:50
  SPEAKER_01: Right.
• 24:51
  SPEAKER_01: That's amazing.
• 24:52
  SPEAKER_04: Yeah.
• 24:53
  Keri Croft: So, okay, so for people out there who are like grinding, starting their business, they're trying to raise families, you know, shit ain't easy.
• 25:03
  Keri Croft: No, it's not.
• 25:03
  Keri Croft: So let's try to give them a little bit of nugget of some kind of encouragement thing that they can just hang on to.
• 25:12
  SPEAKER_03: Okay.
• 25:13
  SPEAKER_03: Like I have a story.
• 25:14
  SPEAKER_03: So I just found this out and I found this so fascinating.
• 25:17
  SPEAKER_03: Oh, sorry.
• 25:18
  SPEAKER_03: And I want to, I think I want to get a shirt.
• 25:21
  SPEAKER_03: Um, there's a girl I found on TikTok.
• 25:23
  SPEAKER_03: Her name's Lindsay Girk, maybe.
• 25:27
  SPEAKER_03: Anyway, she started this movement.
• 25:28
  SPEAKER_03: She's made these t-shirts that it's called You'll Get Your Pink Back.
• 25:33
  SPEAKER_03: And so it's for moms because apparently flamingos, when they are pregnant and have their and like not even just like giving birth, but raising their baby flamingo, they drain the pink color out of them.
• 25:49
  SPEAKER_03: They become like this white or like a light pink.
• 25:52
  SPEAKER_03: And then once their babies have grown up and left the flock, I guess, they turn pink again.
• 25:58
  SPEAKER_03: And I just was like, that is incredible.
• 26:02
  SPEAKER_03: Because as a mom, I think, and especially as a mom who's working, it's so I mean, being a mom is the most rewarding thing ever, but it doesn't mean that it's also not exhausting.
• 26:15
  SPEAKER_03: And so I think that I was like, man, even the animals understand, like it's just, it's a lot.
• 26:22
  SPEAKER_03: And I don't know, I just thought that was like the coolest.
• 26:26
  SPEAKER_03: I didn't know that about fling flamingos.
• 26:28
  Keri Croft: No, and you know, it's funny.
• 26:29
  Keri Croft: Well, you know, they'll say about women, like if you have a girl, she'll steal your beauty.
• 26:33
  Keri Croft: Like they're like, I think it's like they drain you and take so much out of you that I think it does, like it takes you a minute as a human to like get back together, whether it's like your haircut or having time to like do the thing.
• 26:47
  Keri Croft: So, like, yeah, whatever that is, like this, like the symbolize of the pink.
• 26:51
  Keri Croft: Like, you know, you three years after you have a baby, you finally are like, okay, maybe I should go look halfway decent.
• 26:57
  Keri Croft: Yeah, you know, bring it all back together again.
• 26:59
  Keri Croft: But that's a great symbolic way of like encouragement, of like thinking about it.
• 27:04
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah, you'll get your pink back, it'll come back, like you will eventually you know come back, especially if you struggle with postpartum, or I mean, everyone has their whatever it is that they're struggling with.
• 27:17
  SPEAKER_03: And so I don't know, I fell in that.
• 27:19
  SPEAKER_03: Did you have a lot like postpartum?
• 27:21
  SPEAKER_03: I actually did not.
• 27:22
  SPEAKER_03: Um, I had with Blakely, which was so crazy, I had a pre-partum.
• 27:27
  SPEAKER_03: Did you even know that was a thing?
• 27:28
  SPEAKER_03: I did not know that was a thing, which was so crazy because I here I was, had wanted her for three years, so bad.
• 27:36
  SPEAKER_03: And then I'm pregnant and I am, I mean, I was I struggled like so bad.
• 27:43
  SPEAKER_03: I was so depressed.
• 27:44
  Keri Croft: That's so interesting.
• 27:46
  Keri Croft: And then the doctors were like, this is normal.
• 27:48
  Keri Croft: You just like your horror.
• 27:50
  Keri Croft: I mean, who knows when the hormones change like that, how it's going to impact your brain.
• 27:55
  Keri Croft: Yeah.
• 27:56
  Keri Croft: And then, so how long were you like?
• 27:58
  Keri Croft: I mean, a lot, uh like almost the whole thing.
• 28:01
  Keri Croft: It was so was your husband like, well, fuck.
• 28:03
  SPEAKER_03: I mean, so here now I'm now I'm going for going with the flow.
• 28:07
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah, he's so great.
• 28:09
  SPEAKER_03: I mean, I really do have the best.
• 28:10
  SPEAKER_03: He's so understanding and sweet.
• 28:13
  SPEAKER_03: And he just, I as long as we do premarital counseling for couples.
• 28:17
  SPEAKER_03: So we're like, we have gotten our communication down and like try to help other couples and stuff.
• 28:23
  SPEAKER_03: And so for us, like communication is just key.
• 28:25
  SPEAKER_03: So it's not a matter of like, I'm not gonna do silent treatment, I'm gonna not, you know, stonewall you, like, I'm gonna just communicate how I'm feeling.
• 28:32
  SPEAKER_03: And it's like, babe, you've done nothing wrong, but this is how I'm feeling today, and like this is how what I'm struggling with.
• 28:36
  SPEAKER_03: And then he's like, All right, what do you need?
• 28:39
  Keri Croft: So, do you do the pre-couple counseling for the Catholic Church?
• 28:43
  SPEAKER_03: Uh not Catholic.
• 28:45
  SPEAKER_03: It's just yeah, through Christian or through our church, which is like a not denomination.
• 28:48
  Keri Croft: Because I guess the reason why I say Catholic is because I just kind of thought I grew up, I grew up Catholic and we did that, but I didn't realize it was like for I thought we were just weird and like they made you do so.
• 28:58
  SPEAKER_03: You don't have to do it.
• 28:59
  SPEAKER_03: It's just I think it's important because marriage is so hard and like it's just giving you the tools to go into your marriage successfully.
• 29:06
  SPEAKER_03: And so, um, so yeah, you don't have to do it.
• 29:09
  SPEAKER_03: I think our church requires it if one of our pastors is gonna marry you.
• 29:13
  Keri Croft: And so that's kind of how we Do you like are are these couples like do you ever look at a couple and you're like, oh boy?
• 29:21
  Keri Croft: Yes.
• 29:21
  Keri Croft: Right.
• 29:23
  Keri Croft: Yes.
• 29:24
  SPEAKER_03: It's just flags.
• 29:25
  SPEAKER_03: I mean, just you know, you get the flags.
• 29:28
  SPEAKER_00: You don't see the flags.
• 29:29
  SPEAKER_00: You don't see the flags going through it.
• 29:31
  SPEAKER_03: No.
• 29:31
  SPEAKER_00: You see the flags looking backwards.
• 29:33
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah.
• 29:34
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah.
• 29:35
  SPEAKER_03: And you just try to prep them and they're all like doughy-eyed.
• 29:38
  SPEAKER_03: And like when we are talking about the hard stuff, I can tell they're just it's so over the head, they're like, oh, we don't deal with it because they're in this like honeymoon dog gossip.
• 29:45
  SPEAKER_03: So I'm like, you just wait.
• 29:46
  SPEAKER_03: You call me in two years, three years, but it's whatever.
• 29:50
  Keri Croft: It's just a rite of passage for life, you know, like you you can't warn people.
• 29:54
  Keri Croft: Everything has to be experienced.
• 29:56
  Keri Croft: Yes.
• 29:57
  Keri Croft: You know, and that's like, because if it didn't, I mean, how would that work?
• 30:01
  Keri Croft: Right.
• 30:01
  Keri Croft: You know, you you really have to just experience it for yourself, all the things.
• 30:06
  SPEAKER_03: Yes.
• 30:06
  SPEAKER_03: And that's one of the things we like even talk about in the counseling is communication, conflict, all that stuff.
• 30:12
  SPEAKER_03: There's no like I can give you tools, but at the end of the day, it's like practice.
• 30:16
  SPEAKER_03: You just have to practice it, just like a sport, you know.
• 30:19
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah.
• 30:19
  SPEAKER_03: You want to get good at this, you gotta practice.
• 30:21
  SPEAKER_03: You want to get good at fighting, you gotta practice.
• 30:22
  SPEAKER_03: You wanna get good at communication, you gotta practice.
• 30:25
  Keri Croft: Right.
• 30:25
  Keri Croft: You can't stonewall.
• 30:27
  Keri Croft: Yeah.
• 30:28
  Keri Croft: Stonewalling is a very um very dangerous practice in marriage.
• 30:32
  Keri Croft: Yeah.
• 30:32
  Keri Croft: It's one of the four horsemen.
• 30:34
  Keri Croft: Yes.
• 30:34
  Keri Croft: I can't remember what the other ones are.
• 30:35
  Keri Croft: Contempt, yeah.
• 30:37
  Keri Croft: Criticism, stonewalling, and it's another, I think, C word.
• 30:41
  Keri Croft: What is it?
• 30:42
  Keri Croft: Contempt?
• 30:44
  Keri Croft: Criticism.
• 30:45
  Keri Croft: Stonewall.
• 30:46
  SPEAKER_03: Oh, defense defense of it.
• 30:48
  Keri Croft: Is it?
• 30:48
  Keri Croft: Yeah, I think so.
• 30:49
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 30:50
  SPEAKER_01: That's the Gottman.
• 30:51
  SPEAKER_01: You know the Gottman method.
• 30:53
  SPEAKER_01: I think that's what this book is off of, probably.
• 30:56
  Keri Croft: Uh-huh.
• 30:57
  Keri Croft: He was like a scientist turned relationship counselor and then has that love lab in Seattle.
• 31:03
  SPEAKER_01: Oh, okay.
• 31:03
  Keri Croft: Where he watches couples.
• 31:04
  Keri Croft: Yeah.
• 31:05
  Keri Croft: Do you know about this?
• 31:06
  SPEAKER_01: John Gottman.
• 31:07
  Keri Croft: So he was a scientist.
• 31:09
  Keri Croft: I can't remember why he decided to do this.
• 31:13
  Keri Croft: Probably just curiosity and interest.
• 31:15
  Keri Croft: And so he has a love lab.
• 31:17
  Keri Croft: I don't know if it's still there anymore.
• 31:19
  Keri Croft: But he would, couples would agree to go move in.
• 31:22
  Keri Croft: And then, you know, like in the the detective like movies where you could like see them and they couldn't see you.
• 31:27
  Keri Croft: Yeah.
• 31:28
  Keri Croft: So they will watch the couples and he could tell you within like I think his accuracy was like 97.
• 31:38
  Keri Croft: Who was going to divorce and who wasn't.
• 31:39
  Keri Croft: Wow.
• 31:40
  Keri Croft: And he was right, like 97.5% of the time.
• 31:43
  SPEAKER_03: Now that you say that, I feel like that is in the book a little clip of it.
• 31:46
  SPEAKER_03: But yeah.
• 31:46
  SPEAKER_03: It's yeah, it's it's, I mean, I don't know.
• 31:52
  SPEAKER_03: I feel like a lot of people want to give up on marriage as soon as it gets hard, or they're not feeling those like feelings that they had when they were first married, and that's really not how marriage works.
• 32:06
  Keri Croft: Well, I also just think people don't understand though.
• 32:09
  Keri Croft: This is the part I do think.
• 32:12
  Keri Croft: I do think pre-counseling is great.
• 32:13
  Keri Croft: I think you should do that.
• 32:14
  Keri Croft: Yeah.
• 32:15
  Keri Croft: But I also think there should be, and maybe this is like the job of your family, like your mom, your dad.
• 32:20
  Keri Croft: I don't know.
• 32:21
  Keri Croft: But I do think there should be a more articulated outline around how it unfolds a little bit.
• 32:32
  Keri Croft: Like this whole highly charged, like beginning in the honeymoon phase where, you know, that is not like you can weave that into moments throughout your life and you have to work to do that.
• 32:44
  Keri Croft: But like marriage then becomes a lot about negotiation, it becomes about partnership, it becomes about like you're frustrated with this person, you're not like, oh, they look so hot right now.
• 32:54
  Keri Croft: And that like I I just feel like that part, yeah, people need more information.
• 33:01
  SPEAKER_03: Yes, because it's so on the anti size, yes, and more, yes.
• 33:06
  SPEAKER_03: I think teaching from a young age, and then also, you know, because I think it's healthy.
• 33:13
  SPEAKER_03: Like someone, one of the couples asked us one time, do you fight in front of your kids?
• 33:17
  SPEAKER_03: And I'm like, it depends what the fight is and like how heated it is, but yeah, sometimes because I think that's healthy.
• 33:22
  SPEAKER_03: I don't want them going into their marriage thinking that you don't ever fight, but I'm also not gonna like rip his head off and call him all the names in the book.
• 33:32
  SPEAKER_03: Yes.
• 33:33
  SPEAKER_03: So I think it's a balance, but I want my kids to see a little bit of that because I want them to go in with realistic vision of what it's like.
• 33:43
  SPEAKER_03: And then and then we and then we talk about it.
• 33:44
  SPEAKER_03: We don't just like and we really don't fight very much anymore because we have gotten good at communicating, but you know, it's not perfect.
• 33:54
  SPEAKER_03: So every once in a while when we do, and then we talk about it with the kids, like you know, yeah, we love each other, like this doesn't mean anything, you know.
• 34:01
  Keri Croft: Yeah.
• 34:02
  Keri Croft: I think the worst thing is when people don't fight.
• 34:04
  SPEAKER_03: Yes.
• 34:06
  Keri Croft: Sorry.
• 34:07
  Keri Croft: Like there's not like don't come to me like that's some kind of like hill you're gonna die on.
• 34:11
  Keri Croft: Yeah.
• 34:12
  Keri Croft: That we never fight.
• 34:13
  Keri Croft: When I hear that, we never fight.
• 34:14
  Keri Croft: I'm like, something.
• 34:15
  Keri Croft: So either A, you're lying, or B, you don't you're complacent, like you don't care, you know, you don't care.
• 34:22
  Keri Croft: Now, do I think that you should be fighting constantly and and do no.
• 34:26
  SPEAKER_03: Yes, and what do your fights look like?
• 34:27
  SPEAKER_03: Correct.
• 34:28
  SPEAKER_03: Because like a fight to us is a heated discussion or something, whatever.
• 34:33
  SPEAKER_03: But like in the beginning of our marriage, because we've been married 17 years, so you know, in the beginning of the marriage, it was like, yeah, I mean, I'll throw something at you.
• 34:41
  SPEAKER_03: Uh-huh.
• 34:42
  SPEAKER_01: We're we we already you know what women can be like we don't fuck with it.
• 34:49
  SPEAKER_03: I just yeah, I mean, we I can get heated, but I it takes a lot for me.
• 34:54
  SPEAKER_03: Uh but I'll I'll be like three, three, three, and then if I hit it, then I'm like, well, I skipped some steps.
• 35:02
  Keri Croft: You're like, you done did it now, boy.
• 35:04
  Keri Croft: And then they know.
• 35:05
  Keri Croft: Yeah, they know, but it is.
• 35:07
  Keri Croft: I mean, it's a skill because you get to know each other so well, and you start to realize, you know, the landmines, you start to figure out like how you can, and it really is because they want what they it's a relationship, like any other relationship.
• 35:24
  Keri Croft: Yeah.
• 35:25
  Keri Croft: And so it's like give and take.
• 35:27
  Keri Croft: And if you're taken and taken and taken, yeah, and that emotional bank count's in the red, yeah, there's gonna be some kind of blow up to get that shit right again.
• 35:36
  Keri Croft: Yes.
• 35:36
  SPEAKER_03: And then you have to get it right.
• 35:38
  SPEAKER_03: You can't just give up.
• 35:38
  SPEAKER_03: You gotta like put the time in, put the effort in.
• 35:41
  SPEAKER_03: They say the grass isn't greener on the other side, the grass is greener where you water it.
• 35:46
  Keri Croft: That's right.
• 35:46
  Keri Croft: Well, and and to your point about that, I do think um that is something that people who are newly married or thinking about getting married, you really don't just give up when it gets hard.
• 35:58
  Keri Croft: Now it depends on what the heart is.
• 36:00
  Keri Croft: Like if someone goes out and like do something really yes horrific that like you can't get like that's values driven, whatever.
• 36:08
  Keri Croft: Yes.
• 36:08
  Keri Croft: But if it's just hard times and you love each other, it can get real ugly and just feel dark and like, oh, this would be so much better just to start over.
• 36:18
  Keri Croft: Tabla rosa.
• 36:20
  Keri Croft: Like it could be so much better over here.
• 36:22
  Keri Croft: And I think that's the trap that people fall into.
• 36:24
  Keri Croft: Yeah.
• 36:25
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah.
• 36:26
  SPEAKER_03: But like you said, I think that is that's what I my wish would be is that more people were honest.
• 36:33
  SPEAKER_03: You know, we live in a world of the highlights of Instagram and things like that.
• 36:36
  SPEAKER_03: They were more honest because we did that's why we got into this, because we had a terrible first year of marriage.
• 36:43
  SPEAKER_03: Like I was like, where's the honeymoon phase?
• 36:45
  SPEAKER_03: I didn't get that.
• 36:46
  SPEAKER_03: What happened to it?
• 36:47
  SPEAKER_03: And I felt so alone because nobody else in their first year of marriage was saying what I was feeling.
• 36:56
  SPEAKER_03: And so I felt like, did I make a mistake?
• 36:58
  SPEAKER_03: I had all these things.
• 36:59
  SPEAKER_03: And I just wish more people were honest.
• 37:03
  SPEAKER_03: Because then once I started being honest, then other people would start being honest and like start telling me.
• 37:09
  SPEAKER_03: And then I'm like, well, I wasn't alone at all.
• 37:11
  SPEAKER_03: Why are no why is no one saying this?
• 37:13
  Keri Croft: No, it's actually really it's very important.
• 37:15
  Keri Croft: Yeah.
• 37:16
  Keri Croft: That people because it's it's a relationship that I think um people are always just trying to make it like put on the veneer.
• 37:23
  Keri Croft: Yeah.
• 37:24
  Keri Croft: You know, hold hands and we're this and we're that.
• 37:26
  Keri Croft: And then again, I'm like red flag.
• 37:27
  Keri Croft: Yeah.
• 37:28
  Keri Croft: Yeah.
• 37:28
  Keri Croft: No, you ain't.
• 37:30
  Keri Croft: No, you ain't I'm not saying you don't have a good marriage.
• 37:32
  Keri Croft: I'm not saying you don't get along.
• 37:34
  Keri Croft: I'm not saying any of that.
• 37:35
  Keri Croft: But I am saying that when two human beings live together under the same roof with multiple pressure points, yes, and children and all those things don't come to me like, you know, yeah, it's all unicorns and roses.
• 37:52
  Keri Croft: Yeah.
• 37:52
  Keri Croft: Because I'm gonna put I'm gonna take you to that lab in Seattle and I'm gonna put your ass in there and we're gonna watch.
• 37:57
  SPEAKER_03: And now we even can like joke, you know, to a degree, and it's just through seasons and stuff.
• 38:04
  SPEAKER_03: I'm just like, I love you, but I don't really like you right now.
• 38:06
  SPEAKER_03: And that's okay.
• 38:08
  SPEAKER_03: And then he's like, Yeah, it's cool.
• 38:10
  Keri Croft: Yeah, it's just like we're communicating, get back to we'll do a date night, get back to Did you see when Michelle Obama basically said there was like a 10-year stint where she did not like Barack at all?
• 38:20
  SPEAKER_03: No, I didn't see that.
• 38:21
  Keri Croft: So and I I actually I've always liked her, like I've always just thought she was a cool lady.
• 38:25
  Keri Croft: Um, and I don't remember if it's from her podcast or someone being on someone else's or her book or whatever.
• 38:32
  Keri Croft: But um, because there's been a lot about their marriage in like the media or whatever.
• 38:37
  Keri Croft: And she's like, Yeah, there was like it was like a 10 I I did not like him.
• 38:42
  Keri Croft: Yeah at all.
• 38:43
  Keri Croft: I mean, it's like let's just call it what it is sometimes.
• 38:46
  Keri Croft: You don't have you know, you may not like them.
• 38:47
  Keri Croft: Yeah.
• 38:48
  Keri Croft: And that's as long as you get as long as you get back to that.
• 38:51
  Keri Croft: Yeah.
• 38:51
  Keri Croft: You know?
• 38:52
  Keri Croft: Yeah.
• 38:53
  Keri Croft: How often do you do that?
• 38:54
  Keri Croft: What kind of a commitment is that?
• 38:56
  SPEAKER_03: Um, once they sign up with us, it's like a six to seven week.
• 39:00
  SPEAKER_03: Like we meet once a week for six or seven weeks straight.
• 39:03
  SPEAKER_03: And then um, but for us and our schedule, we can't.
• 39:07
  SPEAKER_03: I mean, they do it um quarterly through the church.
• 39:11
  SPEAKER_03: And one year we did three quarters in a year, and that was too much.
• 39:14
  SPEAKER_03: So then we did two, and then we took some time off after Blakely.
• 39:17
  SPEAKER_03: So this was our first session back in a while.
• 39:20
  SPEAKER_03: And I think I think we might just do one this year.
• 39:24
  SPEAKER_03: Um we'll probably do next spring, maybe once a year.
• 39:27
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah, okay, cool.
• 39:28
  Keri Croft: Um, anything else that you'd like to just any kind of knowledge you'd like to spit for a an a female, especially entrepreneur out there trying to hustle?
• 39:39
  SPEAKER_03: Um yeah, find your people, get encouragement.
• 39:43
  SPEAKER_03: I feel like for me as a as a boss and an entrepreneur, it is sometimes the same thing with the marriage thing.
• 39:50
  SPEAKER_03: Like if you don't have anyone to talk to that can relate to you, it can be that much harder because you get feel alone, you get discouraged, you get in your head.
• 40:00
  SPEAKER_03: Sometimes you just want to vent.
• 40:01
  SPEAKER_03: I found myself venting to my team a lot, and that's not good as a boss.
• 40:05
  SPEAKER_03: I gotta be the boss.
• 40:07
  SPEAKER_03: And so it wasn't until I found my business partner that I bought the building with that that changed because then we could talk to each other and relate to each other as entrepreneurs, as business, as owners, all the things.
• 40:20
  SPEAKER_03: And that was a huge game changer for me.
• 40:23
  SPEAKER_03: So if you are in a business by yourself or you're going through this, find somebody else that is in the same boat that can relate to what you're going through because I think that's yeah, huge.
• 40:34
  Keri Croft: Or a community or coaching, you know, some kind of um some kind of thing like that, which just you just gave me the biggest softball for my my new community that I've started.
• 40:46
  Keri Croft: Yeah.
• 40:46
  Keri Croft: It's called Build.
• 40:47
  Keri Croft: Okay.
• 40:47
  Keri Croft: B Y L D.
• 40:48
  Keri Croft: Okay.
• 40:49
  Keri Croft: So I've been um thinking about it for a while, a long time.
• 40:55
  Keri Croft: And then when this IRL happened, I was like, oh my God, like this, this is what it is.
• 41:00
  Keri Croft: It's a community of women, builders, but it's not this crusty, let's go eat chicken skewers and get a name tag and like get in a vanilla box.
• 41:10
  Keri Croft: You know what I'm saying?
• 41:11
  Keri Croft: Like it was a vibe.
• 41:12
  Keri Croft: Yeah.
• 41:12
  Keri Croft: And so the feedback was just like, I mean, it blew me away for like three weeks.
• 41:19
  Keri Croft: Okay.
• 41:20
  Keri Croft: And so I was like, yeah, no, it's time.
• 41:22
  Keri Croft: This is this is exactly what it is.
• 41:24
  Keri Croft: It's mental athleticism meets badassery, meets business strategy.
• 41:27
  SPEAKER_04: Yeah.
• 41:28
  Keri Croft: And so that's what I'm doing.
• 41:31
  Keri Croft: I'm taking like 10 to 15 first wave.
• 41:35
  Keri Croft: And it's all kind of like how the women were so diverse, but you're all like builders and ballers.
• 41:42
  Keri Croft: And so my goal is to create these connection points throughout the year that are very different.
• 41:47
  Keri Croft: So, like the IRL will be like the Super Bowl.
• 41:49
  SPEAKER_03: Okay.
• 41:50
  Keri Croft: You know, there'll be like one of those a year, maybe two.
• 41:52
  Keri Croft: Yeah.
• 41:53
  Keri Croft: Um, and then I've got like all these different ways for us to connect throughout the year.
• 42:00
  Keri Croft: And um, I feel like something like that is really important because you can plug right into these women and be like, well, here's my big obstacle right now, or I'm looking for funding for this, or look, did you hear about this big win that Malika had?
• 42:14
  Keri Croft: You know, and it and then I'm kind of like the curator of all the things happening and making sure that the group's right and the moments are right and everybody's getting what they want to get out of it.
• 42:28
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah.
• 42:29
  SPEAKER_03: I love that.
• 42:30
  Keri Croft: It's very exciting.
• 42:32
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah.
• 42:32
  SPEAKER_03: Anything that's supportive community.
• 42:34
  SPEAKER_03: I'm like, yeah, let's deal with it.
• 42:37
  Keri Croft: Um, anything else, Malika?
• 42:39
  Keri Croft: We have been chopping it up now for 45 min's.
• 42:44
  Keri Croft: I know.
• 42:45
  SPEAKER_01: Time flies when you're having fun.
• 42:46
  Keri Croft: And then we get in the marriage topic, and then it's just like go time.
• 42:49
  SPEAKER_01: We were all over the place.
• 42:52
  SPEAKER_01: That's good.
• 42:52
  Keri Croft: We talked about that, but it's good.
• 42:54
  Keri Croft: And then by the time it comes out, you're like, wait, what did we talk about?
• 42:56
  Keri Croft: Yeah.
• 42:57
  Keri Croft: Yeah.
• 42:57
  Keri Croft: But I appreciate you coming in, especially during your busy season.
• 43:00
  Keri Croft: Yes, happy to be here.
• 43:01
  Keri Croft: And thank you again for being such a great part of the IRL.
• 43:04
  Keri Croft: Thank you for having me.
• 43:05
  Keri Croft: So awesome.
• 43:05
  SPEAKER_03: I felt so cool.
• 43:06
  SPEAKER_03: I was like, ooh, I get to be around these.
• 43:08
  SPEAKER_03: You are cool.
• 43:08
  SPEAKER_03: Other uh amazing women.
• 43:11
  Keri Croft: Yeah, that's right.
• 43:12
  Keri Croft: We're gonna do more of it for sure.
• 43:14
  Keri Croft: If you're still out there following your girl, follow me on YouTube, Spotify, Apple, or wherever you get your podcast.
• 43:19
  Keri Croft: And until next time, keep moving, baby.