Latest / Your Hope-Filled Perspective with Dr. Michelle Bengtson podcast / How to Help a Loved One Who Is Struggling with PTSD: What to Do and What Not to Do
Transcript
- 0:02Speaker 1: Life Audio.
- 0:05Speaker 2: When someone you love is living with PTSD, it can
- 0:09Speaker 2: leave you feeling helpless, confused, and afraid of saying or
- 0:14Speaker 2: doing the wrong thing. You want to help, but what
- 0:17Speaker 2: if your well intended words make things worse. In honor
- 0:20Speaker 2: of PTSD Awareness Month, on today's episode of Your Hope
- 0:24Speaker 2: Field Perspective, we will address the questions so many caregivers, spouses,
- 0:30Speaker 2: friends and family members quietly ask, like how do I
- 0:34Speaker 2: support someone with PTSD, what helps, what hurts? And how
- 0:38Speaker 2: do I walk with them without losing myself. This conversation
- 0:43Speaker 2: offers practical guidance, psychological insight, and biblical hope for anyone
- 0:49Speaker 2: living with someone who's gone through trauma. On a recent
- 0:53Speaker 2: episode of Your Hope Field Perspective, I offered an episode
- 0:56Speaker 2: discussing understanding PTSD, what it is, what it isn't, and
- 1:01Speaker 2: how God meets us in the aftermath of trauma. If
- 1:05Speaker 2: you haven't listened to that episode, I encourage you to
- 1:07Speaker 2: go back and listen to the insights offered there. But
- 1:10Speaker 2: we want to continue this important discussion, so today we
- 1:14Speaker 2: will be talking about how to help a loved one
- 1:16Speaker 2: who is struggling with PTSD, what to do and what
- 1:20Speaker 2: not to do. Welcome to your Hope Field perspective or
- 1:23Speaker 2: it's always our goal to restore hope, renew minds, and
- 1:26Speaker 2: empowered listeners to live in your God given identity. I'm
- 1:29Speaker 2: your host, doctor Michelle Banks and board certified clinical neuropsychologist, author, speaker,
- 1:35Speaker 2: and perhaps more importantly, companion on the journey to mental, emotional,
- 1:39Speaker 2: and spiritual wellness. I'm always so grateful when you spend
- 1:42Speaker 2: a few minutes of your week with us. Today's an
- 1:44Speaker 2: important conversation that I just don't think we talk about enough.
- 1:49Speaker 2: We're going to talk about how to help a loved
- 1:51Speaker 2: one who's struggling with PTSD, what to do and what
- 1:55Speaker 2: not to do. Right after this brief word from our sponsor,
- 2:01Speaker 2: post traumatic stress disorder doesn't just affect the person who
- 2:06Speaker 2: experienced the trauma, It impacts everyone who loves them. If
- 2:10Speaker 2: you've ever felt like you're walking on eggshells, unsure of
- 2:14Speaker 2: how to respond to a loved one's mood changes, triggers withdrawal,
- 2:18Speaker 2: or emotional shutdown, this episode is for you in recognition
- 2:22Speaker 2: a PTSD Awareness Month. Today on your Hope Field perspective,
- 2:26Speaker 2: we are going to address a topic that affects far
- 2:29Speaker 2: more people than we often realize. We will unpack what
- 2:32Speaker 2: it really looks like to help a loved one who
- 2:35Speaker 2: is struggling with post traumatic stress disorder, what to do,
- 2:38Speaker 2: what not to do, and how God meets both the
- 2:41Speaker 2: wounded and those who walk beside them in the aftermath
- 2:45Speaker 2: of trauma. Joining me for this important discussion is my
- 2:48Speaker 2: co host, jessic gunbnrukol Oh. Welcome back, Jess, Thank you.
- 2:53Speaker 3: I'm happy to be here. And if you're listening today
- 2:56Speaker 3: because someone you love has been changed by trauma and
- 2:59Speaker 3: you're not sure how to support them without making things worse,
- 3:03Speaker 3: this episode is for you. As I've thought about this
- 3:06Speaker 3: episode and the importance it holds not only for those
- 3:09Speaker 3: struggling with PTSD, but also the loved ones who care
- 3:13Speaker 3: for them, I'm reminded of Romans Chapter fifteen, Verse one,
- 3:17Speaker 3: We who are strong ought to bear with the failings
- 3:21Speaker 3: of the week, and not to please ourselves. I see
- 3:24Speaker 3: this verse as a call to compassionate sacrificial support without judgment.
- 3:30Speaker 2: Absolutely, and before we go any further, I just want
- 3:33Speaker 2: to clarify. I love that verse, and we are not
- 3:37Speaker 2: saying that if you struggle with PTSD that you are
- 3:40Speaker 2: weak or you are failing. Please don't hear that. What
- 3:43Speaker 2: we really feel is that we need to come alongside
- 3:47Speaker 2: those who are struggling because it's not your choice, it's
- 3:51Speaker 2: not something you've done wrong, and we want to be
- 3:54Speaker 2: part of the link with others to build you up
- 3:58Speaker 2: and support you. Thinking of the truth in Isaiah forty two,
- 4:02Speaker 2: verse three, a bruised read he will not break, and
- 4:06Speaker 2: a faintly burning wick, he will not quench. The reason
- 4:10Speaker 2: I like that verse and I think it's so applicable,
- 4:13Speaker 2: Jess for the conversation that we're having today is because
- 4:16Speaker 2: God's gentleness towards the traumatized sets the model for our support.
- 4:22Speaker 2: BTSD doesn't just affect the person who experienced the trauma.
- 4:27Speaker 2: It impacts relationships and families, marriages, friendships, and even faith communities.
- 4:33Speaker 2: So today we're going to talk about what actually helps,
- 4:36Speaker 2: what unintentionally hurts, and how God meets both the traumatized
- 4:42Speaker 2: and those who walk alongside them.
- 4:45Speaker 3: Okay, this is going to be a great episode, So
- 4:48Speaker 3: let's start right where many of our listeners live. Some say,
- 4:52Speaker 3: the trauma happened to my loved one, but it feels
- 4:55Speaker 3: like it changed our relationship From a clinical perspective, why
- 4:59Speaker 3: does PTO affect the way someone shows up with the
- 5:03Speaker 3: people they love.
- 5:05Speaker 2: That's a very important first question because it helps remove
- 5:09Speaker 2: a lot of confusion and self flame. So clinically speaking,
- 5:13Speaker 2: post traumatic stress disorder is not a character issue or
- 5:17Speaker 2: a lack of effort. It's actually a nervous system injury.
- 5:22Speaker 2: Trauma physically changes how the brain and body respond to
- 5:27Speaker 2: perceived danger. When someone experiences trauma, the brain's alarm system
- 5:32Speaker 2: we've talked about this before, the amygdala. It becomes overactive
- 5:37Speaker 2: and it starts scanning constantly for threat even when there
- 5:41Speaker 2: is no current danger present. And at the same time,
- 5:45Speaker 2: the parts of the brain that are responsible for reasoning,
- 5:49Speaker 2: emotional regulation, and relational connection don't function as efficiently, and
- 5:56Speaker 2: this can be severe or it can be relatively mild.
- 5:59Speaker 2: I was once involved in a bad car accident when
- 6:03Speaker 2: I was doing my fellowship at Henry Ford Hospital in
- 6:06Speaker 2: Detroit and my husband was living in Schaumberg, Illinois, and
- 6:10Speaker 2: so every weekend one of us would commute to go
- 6:13Speaker 2: see the other one. Well, that particular weekend, I had
- 6:16Speaker 2: gone to see Scott in Chicago, because Chicago is more
- 6:20Speaker 2: fun than Detroit. If I'm being honest. But anyway, the
- 6:23Speaker 2: weather turned and I had a very long drive back,
- 6:27Speaker 2: and in my not wisest of moments, I decided to
- 6:33Speaker 2: try to beat the storm back to Detroit and got
- 6:36Speaker 2: in a very bad car accident. I was fine, but
- 6:41Speaker 2: it was a significant incident. And for the next many
- 6:46Speaker 2: years I would find myself in a car with somebody
- 6:50Speaker 2: and if they didn't break fast enough, my brain just
- 6:54Speaker 2: naturally perceived it as a dangerous threat and I would
- 6:57Speaker 2: grab the car handle or my feet would go forward
- 7:01Speaker 2: as if I was trying to break And that's what
- 7:04Speaker 2: I mean. It's a nervous system injury that's really not
- 7:08Speaker 2: in our direct control. There are things that we can
- 7:10Speaker 2: do to mitigate it. And if you are one who's
- 7:12Speaker 2: struggling with PTSD, please go back to the earlier episode
- 7:16Speaker 2: that I talked about. But I use this as a
- 7:18Speaker 2: simple example of how that amygdala jumps in and it's
- 7:23Speaker 2: ready to fight, and the part of the brain that's
- 7:26Speaker 2: responsible for emotional regulation and reasoning kind of takes a
- 7:31Speaker 2: back seat, as it did with me. So, friends, what
- 7:34Speaker 2: can look like withdrawal, irritability, or emotional distance in a
- 7:39Speaker 2: relationship is really often our brain doing the best to
- 7:43Speaker 2: try to keep the person safe, even when that protection
- 7:47Speaker 2: creates distance from the people they care about the most.
- 7:52Speaker 3: So what you're saying, then, is when a spouse or
- 7:55Speaker 3: family member says they're just not the same anymore, that's
- 7:59Speaker 3: not a no.
- 8:01Speaker 2: That's very real. Trauma changes how someone experiences the world
- 8:06Speaker 2: and how safe connection feels. But the key thing that
- 8:10Speaker 2: I really want listeners to hear is this change does
- 8:13Speaker 2: not mean broken beyond repair. The brain is wounded, but
- 8:18Speaker 2: the beautiful thing about how God designed our brains is
- 8:21Speaker 2: that it's all so capable of healing.
- 8:24Speaker 3: Okay, this is so interesting and hopeful. Now let's talk
- 8:29Speaker 3: about fight, flight, freeze, and fawn. I know that we
- 8:33Speaker 3: hear terms like fight or flight, but we don't always
- 8:36Speaker 3: know what that looks like in real life. Will you
- 8:39Speaker 3: walk through how these trauma responses show up relationally?
- 8:43Speaker 2: Sure, and this is so helpful for loved ones to understand.
- 8:47Speaker 2: When the brain perceives danger, it automatically activates survival responses,
- 8:53Speaker 2: and these responses happen before logic kicks in. In my
- 8:57Speaker 2: little example of how I responded and other people would
- 9:01Speaker 2: drive after my car accident, my brain perceived danger, and
- 9:04Speaker 2: it automatically activated the survival response, clutching the door handle
- 9:09Speaker 2: and trying to break for the driver. That was before
- 9:13Speaker 2: I could even think about it. In fact, I didn't
- 9:15Speaker 2: realize what I was doing until a close friend of
- 9:17Speaker 2: mine in Nebraska who knows me very well, She's like,
- 9:20Speaker 2: are you not feeling safe with how I'm driving? And
- 9:24Speaker 2: it clicked. No, it really wasn't about her driving. It's
- 9:27Speaker 2: that my brain didn't want the same thing to happen
- 9:30Speaker 2: to me again. So fight can look like irritability, anger, defensiveness,
- 9:36Speaker 2: or quick emotional reactions. A loved one may seem oh
- 9:41Speaker 2: argumentative or easily frustrated, not because they want conflict, but
- 9:47Speaker 2: because their nervous system is braced for threat. Light often
- 9:52Speaker 2: shows up as avoidance. They may pull away from conversations,
- 9:56Speaker 2: cancel plans, overwork, stay bl or even emotionally check out.
- 10:02Speaker 2: Avoidance is really the brain's attempt to escape anything that
- 10:06Speaker 2: feels overwhelming or dangerous, and freeze is when the nervous
- 10:11Speaker 2: system just shuts down. This can look like emotional numbness, silence, disassociation,
- 10:17Speaker 2: or blank stare, and loved ones will often say it's
- 10:20Speaker 2: like they're here, but they're not really here. And then
- 10:23Speaker 2: there's fawn, which is less talked about. Fawn responses involve
- 10:28Speaker 2: people pleasing, overapologizing, or minimizing their own needs to keep
- 10:34Speaker 2: the peace. It's another survival strategy that's rooted in conflict
- 10:39Speaker 2: or abandonment.
- 10:42Speaker 3: This is so incredibly helpful because many people listening might
- 10:46Speaker 3: recognize these patterns but didn't realize they were trauma responses exactly.
- 10:52Speaker 2: And when we name these responses accurately, we help reduce
- 10:57Speaker 2: shame and it increases our own compassion.
- 11:01Speaker 3: Wow. Now, another thing loved ones mentioned is feeling like
- 11:05Speaker 3: they're walking on eggshells. Why does that happen with PTSD?
- 11:10Speaker 2: That's often due to what we call hypervigilance. Hypervigilance means
- 11:15Speaker 2: that the nervous system is stuck on hyghlert, so a
- 11:19Speaker 2: person maybe easily startled sensitive to noise or sensitive to
- 11:24Speaker 2: tone of voice, facial expressions, or sudden changes. For loved
- 11:29Speaker 2: ones Jess, this can feel confusing because something small like
- 11:34Speaker 2: a door accidentally slamming or a comment even said casually,
- 11:39Speaker 2: can trigger a big reaction. But again, the reaction really
- 11:45Speaker 2: isn't about the present moment, it's about the past danger
- 11:50Speaker 2: being re experienced within the body. Now, on the other
- 11:53Speaker 2: end of the spectrum, we can also see emotional numbing,
- 11:58Speaker 2: and this is when the brain damns our emotional response altogether. Joy, affection, excitement,
- 12:06Speaker 2: even love can feel muted, kind of like you're looking
- 12:10Speaker 2: through Hayes. And loved ones can often then interpret this
- 12:14Speaker 2: as indifference, but it's not. It's actually the brain trying
- 12:18Speaker 2: to protect your loved one from emotional overload.
- 12:22Speaker 3: Wow. So what I'm hearing you say is that the
- 12:25Speaker 3: same brain that shuts down pain can also shut down pleasure.
- 12:30Speaker 2: Absolutely. Trauma doesn't selectively numb, it blunts across the board.
- 12:36Speaker 3: So one of the most painful things for supporters is
- 12:40Speaker 3: feeling pushed away. Why does PTSD often lead to relational withdrawal?
- 12:47Speaker 2: At its core, it's because trauma disrupts trust, both trust
- 12:52Speaker 2: in others and trust in oneself and sometimes even trust
- 12:57Speaker 2: in God. Relationships to be close require vulnerability, and vulnerability
- 13:03Speaker 2: feels dangerous to a traumatized nervous system, So relational withdrawal
- 13:09Speaker 2: is often an unconscious attempt to maintain safety. If I
- 13:14Speaker 2: don't get close, I can't be hurt. Unfortunately, that protective
- 13:18Speaker 2: strategy can leave loved ones feeling rejected or shut out,
- 13:22Speaker 2: even though the desire for connection is still there underneath
- 13:27Speaker 2: the trauma.
- 13:27Speaker 3: All right, so you've given us a lot of really
- 13:30Speaker 3: good information. Now if you could give loved ones one
- 13:34Speaker 3: clinical reframe that could change how they interpret these behaviors.
- 13:38Speaker 3: What would it be?
- 13:40Speaker 2: I would say this, PTS behaviors are not about a
- 13:44Speaker 2: lack of love. They're about a lack of felt safety.
- 13:49Speaker 2: So when supporters understand that, it helps to shift the
- 13:54Speaker 2: question from why are they doing this to me? To
- 13:58Speaker 2: what might their nervousness and be experiencing right now? That
- 14:03Speaker 2: shift alone can transform how we respond because we don't
- 14:07Speaker 2: receive it as a personal attack that it helps us
- 14:11Speaker 2: to understand what they are experiencing that often they don't
- 14:16Speaker 2: have a whole lot of control over, especially when they
- 14:19Speaker 2: don't realize what they're doing. Friends, I think this is
- 14:22Speaker 2: a really important conversation about how to help love a
- 14:25Speaker 2: one struggling with PTSD. We want to continue this conversation,
- 14:29Speaker 2: So after this brief word from our sponsor, I want
- 14:32Speaker 2: to turn our attention to things that we can do
- 14:35Speaker 2: to help a loved one who's struggling with PTSD. We'll
- 14:38Speaker 2: be right back.
- 14:44Speaker 3: All right, well, welcome back to this episode on helping
- 14:47Speaker 3: a loved one with PTSD. We're going to turn our
- 14:50Speaker 3: attention now to what actually helps, what we need to do,
- 14:54Speaker 3: or what we can do. So, now that we understand
- 14:57Speaker 3: what PTSD does to the brain nervous system, and if
- 15:02Speaker 3: that person has someone in their life that desperately wants
- 15:05Speaker 3: to support them, well where should they start.
- 15:09Speaker 2: The most important place to start is with presence over
- 15:13Speaker 2: problem solving. Frequently, when we have a loved one in
- 15:17Speaker 2: any kind of pain, we want to make it better.
- 15:20Speaker 2: But clinically, a regulated nervous system helps regulate another nervous system.
- 15:27Speaker 2: You don't have to fix the trauma. In fact, let
- 15:30Speaker 2: me just tell you you can't. But your calm, consistent
- 15:34Speaker 2: presence helps communicate safety to a brain who's perceiving the
- 15:40Speaker 2: world is unsafe. So do number one offer presence not pressure?
- 15:47Speaker 3: Ugh, that's hard. That's hard for I mean for helpers,
- 15:52Speaker 3: especially because we just want to get in and fix it.
- 15:54Speaker 3: We don't want to see people in pain, so we
- 15:56Speaker 3: want to relieve that pain. So offering presence not pressure
- 16:03Speaker 3: is still something we're doing. Right. Presence is to do something.
- 16:08Speaker 3: But why is presence so powerful from a brain based.
- 16:11Speaker 2: Perspective because safety is the foundation of healing. When someone
- 16:17Speaker 2: sits with a traumatized person without demanding explanations, timelines, or solutions,
- 16:26Speaker 2: the brain begins to downshift out of survival mode. Simply
- 16:31Speaker 2: saying something like I'm here with you or you don't
- 16:35Speaker 2: have to go through this alone helps activate what we
- 16:38Speaker 2: call the parasympathetic nervous system. That's the part of the
- 16:42Speaker 2: body responsible for rest, connection and repair. So number two
- 16:48Speaker 2: is validate without trying to fix.
- 16:51Speaker 3: Validation is something we talk about often, but it can
- 16:54Speaker 3: feel awkward. So what does validation look like clinically and
- 16:59Speaker 3: what does does it not mean?
- 17:01Speaker 2: Validation means acknowledging someone's emotional experience without trying to change it.
- 17:09Speaker 2: So it sounds like that makes sense or I can
- 17:12Speaker 2: see how that would be so painful. Validation doesn't mean
- 17:16Speaker 2: you agree with every perception, but it means you honor
- 17:20Speaker 2: their experience and where it's coming from. From a neurological standpoint,
- 17:26Speaker 2: validation quiets someone's brain's alarm system and it helps to
- 17:32Speaker 2: reduce the emotional intensity. Now do Number three is learn
- 17:39Speaker 2: your loved one's triggers and early warning signs.
- 17:43Speaker 3: Okay, so, Michelle, Triggers are often misunderstood. How can loved
- 17:48Speaker 3: ones approach triggers in a supportive but not controlling way?
- 17:54Speaker 2: Triggers are really sensory or emotional cues that remind the
- 18:00Speaker 2: brain of past danger. They're not necessarily logical, and they're
- 18:05Speaker 2: not chosen. When a loved one learns triggers, collaboratively asking
- 18:11Speaker 2: gentle questions like what tends to make things harder? That
- 18:15Speaker 2: fosters teamwork instead of shame. And it also allows supporters
- 18:21Speaker 2: to notice early signs of dysregulation and intervene with calm
- 18:26Speaker 2: rather than intervening and reacting out of frustration, which can
- 18:32Speaker 2: be really hard. It really requires you to put your
- 18:36Speaker 2: own needs in your own reactions temporarily on a shelf
- 18:40Speaker 2: to help try to understand. And number four I would say,
- 18:45Speaker 2: encourage professional help but with gentleness.
- 18:49Speaker 3: Oh so okay. So many listeners feel stuck here. Yeah,
- 18:53Speaker 3: they know therapy could help, but they don't want to
- 18:56Speaker 3: push too hard. So could you tell us what healthy
- 18:59Speaker 3: encouragement looks like?
- 19:00Speaker 2: Healthy encouragement sounds like curiosity, not ultimatums. It can be
- 19:07Speaker 2: easy in our own emotional reaction to say things like, well,
- 19:11Speaker 2: if you would just get some help, that induces shame
- 19:16Speaker 2: and it puts your loved one on the defensiveness. Instead,
- 19:22Speaker 2: if you could approach it from a place of compassion
- 19:25Speaker 2: and trying to understand, you could say, would you be
- 19:28Speaker 2: open to talking with someone who understands trauma? And what
- 19:32Speaker 2: that does is keeps agency intact. Clinically, healing happens best
- 19:38Speaker 2: when help feels chosen. Force treatment often increases resistance and fear,
- 19:45Speaker 2: especially for trauma survivors who already feel a loss of control.
- 19:50Speaker 2: My DO recommendation number five is to pray in ways
- 19:56Speaker 2: that help regulate, not overwhelm.
- 19:58Speaker 3: Okay, so let's talk about prayer then, Yeah, how can
- 20:02Speaker 3: loved ones pray in a way that actually helps someone
- 20:05Speaker 3: with PTSD?
- 20:06Speaker 2: Prayers should feel encouraging, not pressuring, keep it simple, and
- 20:12Speaker 2: ask permission. Pray for things like safety and peace in
- 20:18Speaker 2: God's nearness, not quick fixes. From a trauma informed faith perspective,
- 20:23Speaker 2: prayer should mirror God's gentleness. Scripture tells us he does
- 20:29Speaker 2: not break the bruise read, and neither should we. So, friends,
- 20:33Speaker 2: we've talked about five healthy things that we can do
- 20:38Speaker 2: to support loved ones who might be experiencing post traumatic
- 20:42Speaker 2: stress disorder. We're going to take a real short break
- 20:44Speaker 2: from a word from our sponsor, but stick with us
- 20:46Speaker 2: as we continue to discuss how to help a loved
- 20:50Speaker 2: one who's struggling with PTSD. After the break will turn
- 20:54Speaker 2: our attention to what not to do, We'll be right back.
- 21:01Speaker 3: Welcome back to your hope Field perspective, where we are
- 21:04Speaker 3: discussing how to help a loved one with PTSD. For
- 21:07Speaker 3: the break, we gave you a list of things to do,
- 21:10Speaker 3: but now let's talk about the harder side of this.
- 21:13Speaker 3: But unintentionally causes harm. Michelle, what are the common mistakes
- 21:18Speaker 3: you see loved ones make even with the best intentions.
- 21:23Speaker 2: The most common mistakes come from misunderstanding trauma. So let's
- 21:28Speaker 2: work through a few that listeners may recognize. And while
- 21:32Speaker 2: we're at it, let's release the guilt. Don't Number one
- 21:36Speaker 2: is don't minimize, compare or try to rush healing.
- 21:42Speaker 3: So why are phrases like it could have been worse
- 21:45Speaker 3: or just try to move on so damaging?
- 21:48Speaker 2: Oh? Those statements minimize the nervous system's reality. Trauma healing
- 21:55Speaker 2: doesn't follow a timeline. It follows seeking for safe when
- 22:01Speaker 2: healing is rushed, shame increases, and the person learns my
- 22:07Speaker 2: pain is inconvenient. Just that belief alone can deepen symptoms
- 22:12Speaker 2: and relational distance. So number one, don't minimize, don't compare,
- 22:17Speaker 2: and don't try to rush your loved one's healing. Don't.
- 22:21Speaker 2: Number two is don't take trauma responses personally.
- 22:26Speaker 3: This one is hard, yeah, how it is loved on
- 22:29Speaker 3: it is so tell us how can loved ones avoid
- 22:33Speaker 3: internalizing PTSD behaviors.
- 22:36Speaker 2: By remembering that trauma responses are about perceived threat, not rejection.
- 22:42Speaker 2: When a loved one with draws, snaps, or shuts down,
- 22:47Speaker 2: it's not a reflection of how much they love you.
- 22:50Speaker 2: It's a reflection of how unsafe their nervous system feels
- 22:55Speaker 2: in that moment. So don't compare or minimize, don't take
- 22:59Speaker 2: trauma responses personally, and friends, I know this is hard,
- 23:03Speaker 2: I know it is. But if you understand that their
- 23:06Speaker 2: response is about perceived threat rather than a rejection of you,
- 23:10Speaker 2: that can help. Number three, don't force disclosure or emotional processing.
- 23:16Speaker 3: What would you say to the person who keeps asking
- 23:20Speaker 3: why won't they talk to me?
- 23:22Speaker 2: Healing requires having a choice. Forcing disclosure can actually retraumatize
- 23:28Speaker 2: someone by removing their sense of control. Most instances of trauma,
- 23:32Speaker 2: if not all, actually came in a situation where control
- 23:38Speaker 2: was stripped from someone. Clinically, trauma processing happens best in safe,
- 23:44Speaker 2: structured environments, not under relational pressure. Number four, don't try
- 23:50Speaker 2: to be their therapist or savior.
- 23:53Speaker 3: Helpers often slide into this role without realizing it, don't they.
- 23:57Speaker 2: They do because they want to help, but it's unsustainable.
- 24:03Speaker 2: Loved ones are not equipped to hold trauma narratives without support.
- 24:08Speaker 2: Trying to be everything can lead to a loved one's burnout, resentment,
- 24:14Speaker 2: and secondary trauma is so hard. I know it is
- 24:17Speaker 2: because we want to help. We want them to experience healing,
- 24:22Speaker 2: and we usually want it faster than the brain can
- 24:26Speaker 2: process healing. So don't try to be their therapist or
- 24:29Speaker 2: their savior. And number five, don't spiritually bypass pain.
- 24:35Speaker 3: This one sounds important. Can you explain what you mean
- 24:38Speaker 3: by spiritual bypassing?
- 24:40Speaker 2: Spiritual bypassing uses scripture or faith language to avoid emotional pain.
- 24:48Speaker 2: Its phrases like maybe if you just prayed more, or
- 24:52Speaker 2: I know this is hard, but remember God works all
- 24:54Speaker 2: things for good friends. While those statements are true, they
- 24:59Speaker 2: actually silence grief when they're spoken too soon. God doesn't
- 25:04Speaker 2: rush the healing, and yes, God can work all things
- 25:08Speaker 2: together for good, but it's usually not at a snap
- 25:12Speaker 2: of a finger. It's a process, and it's only when
- 25:16Speaker 2: we get further in our healing process that we can
- 25:20Speaker 2: look back and recognize the good that God is starting
- 25:24Speaker 2: to bring from it. God never bypasses pain, he enters
- 25:28Speaker 2: into it, and our support should do the same.
- 25:32Speaker 3: Michelle, you've provided such valuable information from a knowledgeable perspective.
- 25:38Speaker 3: Thank you. What hope filled perspective? Would you like to
- 25:41Speaker 3: leave our listeners and viewers with?
- 25:43Speaker 2: I want you to remember this. Loving someone with PTSD
- 25:48Speaker 2: is not about doing everything right. You'll never be able to,
- 25:52Speaker 2: but it's about doing your best with compassion. Understanding trauma
- 25:57Speaker 2: helps us respond with grace for them and for ourselves.
- 26:02Speaker 2: We know that trauma tends to isolate, but scripture affirms
- 26:07Speaker 2: the healing power of presence. So I want to leave
- 26:10Speaker 2: you with Ecclesiastes four nine through ten, which reminds us
- 26:15Speaker 2: two are better than one. If either one of them
- 26:18Speaker 2: falls down, one can help the other. Uh So I
- 26:23Speaker 2: applaud you in loving someone who is struggling with post
- 26:27Speaker 2: traumatic stress disorder and wanting to help. So I hope
- 26:31Speaker 2: today the tips that we gave about what to do
- 26:35Speaker 2: and what not to do in even greater understanding about
- 26:38Speaker 2: what is PTSD and word does it come from. I
- 26:41Speaker 2: hope that helps you better feel equipped to support your
- 26:45Speaker 2: loved one. Just now that we've come to the end
- 26:48Speaker 2: of today's episode, which I'm so glad we did because
- 26:51Speaker 2: I think it's such an important topic, would you close
- 26:55Speaker 2: us out in prayer for the loved ones who were
- 26:58Speaker 2: supporting those struggling as well as those who are struggling
- 27:02Speaker 2: with PTSD.
- 27:03Speaker 3: Yes, I'd be happy to. Let's pray. Heavenly Father, thank
- 27:07Speaker 3: you so much that you walk with us into our pain.
- 27:11Speaker 3: There's a passage that says that we go through waters,
- 27:14Speaker 3: but you are with us. Lord. I ask that you
- 27:16Speaker 3: would be with the person that's struggling with PTSD, Lord,
- 27:19Speaker 3: that you would wrap them in your loving arms. Lord,
- 27:22Speaker 3: that you would be their place of safety. Lord. I
- 27:25Speaker 3: pray for the one that's helping their loved one with
- 27:28Speaker 3: who's struggling, Lord, that you would empower and encourage them
- 27:32Speaker 3: to enter into the pain instead of rushing to fix it.
- 27:36Speaker 3: That they would just sit in the pain with their
- 27:38Speaker 3: loved one, knowing that you are with them, that you
- 27:41Speaker 3: will guide them, that you are the healer and Lord,
- 27:44Speaker 3: that sometimes we get to be the person that you
- 27:47Speaker 3: work through and use. So, Lord, encourage and equip. Lord,
- 27:52Speaker 3: we ask that you would just continue to do a
- 27:54Speaker 3: mighty work in our hearts and our lives to bring
- 27:57Speaker 3: us into a deeper, hope filled relationsiationship with you. In Jesus' name. Amen.
- 28:03Speaker 2: Amen, friends. If you know a loved one who is
- 28:09Speaker 2: struggling with some of the signs and symptoms of PTSD,
- 28:13Speaker 2: thank you for caring for them. And if you know
- 28:16Speaker 2: someone who's walking alongside someone who's struggling, would you consider
- 28:20Speaker 2: sharing our previous episode about what is PTSD as well
- 28:24Speaker 2: as today's episode to bring them a biblically based hope
- 28:27Speaker 2: field perspective. I look forward to being with you again
- 28:30Speaker 2: for another episode of your Hopefield Perspective next week, But
- 28:34Speaker 2: in the meantime, it's my prayer for you that you
- 28:37Speaker 2: have a hope filled week.
- 28:40Speaker 1: Your ragged and torn past may be the key to
- 28:45Speaker 1: God's future for you. We all endure trials, pain, and
- 28:50Speaker 1: hardship in this life. Too often we believe these experiences
- 28:55Speaker 1: disqualify us from being useful to God. The truth is,
- 29:00Speaker 1: your past pain and brokenness serve as preparation for what
- 29:06Speaker 1: God wants to do in and through you, if you
- 29:11Speaker 1: will surrender to entrust Him in Sacred scars. Neuropsychologist and
- 29:17Speaker 1: fellow sufferer, doctor Michelle Thankson helps you understand the suffering
- 29:23Speaker 1: from a biblical perspective. Discover how the trials of your
- 29:27Speaker 1: life serve a purpose. Reflect on the healing that God
- 29:31Speaker 1: has accomplished, and comfort others, but the comfort God has
- 29:36Speaker 1: given you. Just as Jesus's scars didn't disappear after his
- 29:41Speaker 1: resurrection and confirmed that he was who he said he
- 29:46Speaker 1: was and that he did what he said he'd do,
- 29:49Speaker 1: our emotional or physical scars tell our story and lend
- 29:54Speaker 1: credence to our testimony of God's love and power. You
- 30:00Speaker 1: are ready to turn your past pain into present comfort
- 30:03Speaker 1: and future hope. Let doctor Benkson be your compassionate guide.
- 30:09Speaker 1: Jill Savage, host of the No More Perfect Podcast and
- 30:13Speaker 1: author of No More Perfect Marriages, have this to say
- 30:18Speaker 1: about sacred scars. While we wish for a pain free life,
- 30:23Speaker 1: the dark seasons are where God invites us into the
- 30:26Speaker 1: most growth. In the pages of this book, you will
- 30:30Speaker 1: come to understand how God uses pain in powerful ways.
- 30:34Speaker 1: If you're human, you need this book. Pick up a
- 30:38Speaker 1: copy of Sacred Scars wherever books are sold, and watch
- 30:43Speaker 1: God turn your pain into purpose.
- 30:50Speaker 4: Thank you for joining doctor Mankson to your hope build perspective.
- 30:54Speaker 4: We hope you are encouraged by her authenticity, vulnerability, and
- 30:58Speaker 4: biblical truths. You enjoyed today's conversation. When you take a
- 31:02Speaker 4: moment right now, open up your podcast app and look
- 31:05Speaker 4: for the subscribe button right next to our podcast profile image.
- 31:09Speaker 4: We think this podcast is best enjoyed with friends, so
- 31:12Speaker 4: tell a friend and click share in your podcast app
- 31:15Speaker 4: and send a friend our link to share Hope with them.
- 31:18Speaker 4: If you have a comment, question, or suggest a topic
- 31:21Speaker 4: for a future show, reach out to our staff at
- 31:24Speaker 4: info at Hope Prevails dot org for additional resources. Information
- 31:28Speaker 4: about doctor Bankson's books where free downloads, or to contact
- 31:32Speaker 4: her to speak at your next event, Please visit doctor
- 31:36Speaker 4: Mishelbe dot com. Until next time, May you have a
- 31:39Speaker 4: hope filled week.
- 31:44Speaker 2: I'd like to take just a second to thank the
- 31:46Speaker 2: team at Life Audio for their partnership with us on
- 31:49Speaker 2: this podcast. If you go to lifeaudio dot com, you'll
- 31:52Speaker 2: find dozens of other faith centered podcasts in their network.
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