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Do narcissists know how their actions are affecting you? · The Mental Healness Podcast

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  What is going on? Beautiful people?
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  Today we're talking about. Do narcissists know that their
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  words and actions are affecting you?
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  If you're new here, my name is Lee Hammock.
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  I'm a clinically diagnosed narcissist and welcome to
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  episode 994 of the Narcissist Code.
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  So welcome back, welcome back, welcome back, folks.
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  Yes, yes, yes. So do narcissistic people talk
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  to people realize that their actions are affecting you?
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  Like their words or actions, what they have done is affecting
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  you. So this is going to be a
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  question with a little, a little a little splash, a little a
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  little salt Bay of nuance right here.
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  Because y'all know I don't speak for all narcissist.
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  I don't do that. You know, I don't speak in
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  absolute, so not No2. Narcissists are the same.
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  So with that being said, do narcissists know that their
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  words and actions are affecting you?
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  I would say this right here. Y'all a lot of narcissists,
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  especially if it's if it's words, if it's their words, I
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  don't think a lot of narcissists know the effect that their words
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  are happening on you. Right then, right then and
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  there. You know, Is it possible?
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  Is it true that there are some narcissists who intentionally
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  are trying to set you off? Yes.
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  Some of them know. They expect a reaction to their
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  words. They expect you to.
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  They expect their words to affect you in a certain way.
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  There's an expectation that my words are going to affect you in
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  a certain way. So I'm anticipating,
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  anticipating that happening, Right.
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  I'm expecting that you see what I'm saying?
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  So if I'm trying to get you mad, I'm going to say things to try
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  to angry you and try to try to set you off.
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  There's some narcissist. Yeah, they expect a certain
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  reaction from you. Absolutely.
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  But I would say a lot of narcissists don't know that
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  they're doing it right then and there.
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  They don't know, like, especially if it's words, I'm
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  talking about actions here in a little bit.
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  But the words, you know, and sometimes the actions, they
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  don't know. Just in the heat of the moment.
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  A narcissist might say or do something right there in the
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  moment that they don't know. Effects you, you know, like they
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  might leave or something. Like they might walk out the
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  house, they might leave, they might threaten to leave.
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  They don't like some. Some of them might not know,
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  like they might say something mean to you.
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  They might just say, hey, you, you moving too slow.
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  Come on now, what the hell are you?
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  What the hell is taking you so long?
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  You're stupid. You're dumb.
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  You're dumb as hell. They might start saying words to
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  you like that. You know, because they're angry,
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  because they they might feel like you have done something to
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  them. They might feel like you've
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  slighted them in some way, shape, or form.
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  Like you disrespected them in some way, shape or form.
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  So they're thinking that you disrespected me.
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  So all bets are off. I'm going to disrespect you in
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  some way, shape or form. Now I need to get my link back.
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  I need to match this energy. I need to put it out there into
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  the world that it happened, that this happened.
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  So I need to say I need to get off my chest.
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  So in the moment, well, I feel like I'm defending myself like
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  or you or you criticize me. I couldn't feel like you
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  criticize me. So I'm, I'm coming back to you
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  because you criticize me in some way, shape or form.
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  You know what I mean? So if you criticize me, then I'm
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  coming back to you. The same, the same situation
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  applies. The same dynamic applies.
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  I'm responding to you. I feel like I'm matching your
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  energy, right? So in that moment I might not
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  know how to those actions or those actions or words are
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  affecting you. In that moment I might not
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  realize it. I might have just said it and
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  what not to get it off my chest or defend myself.
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  So I'm just like, OK, cool, I defended myself.
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  I have successfully defended myself, you know, I'm good, you
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  know, But the narcissistic person out there that you know,
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  there are some that when they realize it later on, they might
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  realize it later on, it might hit them later on.
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  If there's a little bit of self-awareness in that
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  narcissistic person, a little bit of ability to be
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  introspective, it might hit them later on that their words
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  affected you. Or if you sometimes, if you say
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  it, if you say it to them, if you start crying, if you
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  haven't, if you have an emotional reaction to their
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  words that they were not anticipating, they like I said,
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  oh damn, like they might realize that oh damn, my words really
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  must have hurt your feelings. But that here's the thing right
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  here. Here's the thing.
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  If they think that their words have hurt your feelings and
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  you're having an emotional reaction to them, or you're
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  angry towards them, guess what? Here comes the shame.
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  Once they realize that they've done it, here comes the shame.
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  The shame creeps into the picture.
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  The shame manifests itself into this space.
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  The shame creeps in and takes over.
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  It happens. So much shame takes over.
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  And Shane, a lot of you know most narcissists are trying to
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  avoid shame at all costs. So when that shame comes in of
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  seeing how you're reacting, seeing that you're crying,
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  seeing that you hurt, guess what happens?
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  They either narcissist can react in a few different ways, but
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  typically they're either going to shut down and retreat within
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  themselves by giving you the silent treatment or stonewalling
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  you, or leaving the space completely.
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  Or they get become irate, They become angry.
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  Your your reactions to their your reaction to what they said
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  or did makes them angry because they are ashamed of themselves.
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  The shame is crypt and they feel like they're a bad person now,
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  so they have to do something with the shame.
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  They don't want to let the shame sit within themselves.
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  They want to do something with they want to have to do.
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  They want to be able to do something with that shame, you
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  know? They want to be able to get it
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  off of their chest or do something, you know, do
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  something productive with it. They're not productive with it.
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  They want to get it away from themselves.
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  So they scream and yell at you. They get angry because you're
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  crying because you're having a reaction to them.
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  They tell you to shut the hell up.
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  They tell you you're being too emotional.
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  They tell you you can't take a joke or they'll play it off like
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  they were joking with you. Ha ha ha.
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  I know I was talking about your dad, your dad uncle, but I was
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  just joking. I was just joking to learn to
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  take a joke. You're too sensitive, you see.
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  Or they will, or they will retreat within themselves and
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  they'll just give you the silent treatment, ignore you, you know,
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  they'll see you crying and whatnot.
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  Or you know what I'm saying? If you have an, if you have an A
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  certain type of emotional reaction, you get some
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  narcissists who are turned on by, they get revved up by it,
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  they get ready. You see what I'm saying?
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  They get ready for it. They get super revved up, turned
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  on by and here they go. There's a very unique space to
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  be in when it happens right there.
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  They get super rare there. They get turned on.
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  They try to sleep with you. They try to get rid of the shame
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  by clapping your cheeks, by getting, by clapping some
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  cheeks. There you go right there.
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  Because like I said, a lot of narcissists don't know that
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  they're they're hurting you when they talk or do something or say
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  something because not all narcissists yell or scream.
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  I know what people are going to say, but like Lee, when they're
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  yelling at us, they don't think yelling at us, yelling at us is
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  going to have any kind of effect on us.
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  The yelling is different. But some, not all, narcissists
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  yell and scream. The more covert passive
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  aggressive narcissist doesn't scream or yell.
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  They don't say anything to you. They just keep.
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  They they they just be silent. Some of them start off with the
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  silent treatment. The silent treatment effects you
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  in a way that you react. The silent treatment makes you
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  cry or something like that have a reaction.
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  So that's how they go right there.
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  But back to the actions. I know they told you I was going
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  to be in Part 2 of this. Like within this right here, the
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  actions of a narcissist, do they know their actions are affecting
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  you? Again, this is a new or very,
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  you know, nuance space right here.
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  But most narcissists, I would say, know that their actions are
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  affecting you in some way. Most narcissists know the
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  difference between right and wrong, right?
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  So if they're out there cheating on you, they know that that's
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  wrong. You see, they know that that's
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  wrong. They know that they right.
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  That in and of itself is horrible.
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  They know cheating on you. It's horrible.
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  And if you find out you're going, they're going to get in
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  trouble. So they know how that will
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  affect you. They know that lying will affect
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  you sometimes. Most of the times.
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  They know that lying will affect you sometimes.
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  And this is how the narcissist's mind works.
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  They think that they're protecting you by lying to you.
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  They think that they are doing something for you by by lying to
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  you. They think that they are doing
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  something like that. You know?
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  They think that they are doing something protecting you by
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  lying to you. They're trying to save you.
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  You know I'll lie to you because I didn't want you to react this
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  way. That's the delusional mindset of
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  some narcissist right there. They think by lying to you,
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  there's somehow some way, shape or form protecting you, you
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  know, But that's how it goes within that space.
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  But most narcissists know that their actions are wrong towards
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  you. Like I said, the little actions,
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  they might not know, they might not know.
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  They might be confused about their actions, how they have an
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  effect on you. You know, I didn't think going
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  to the bar with. I didn't think going to the bar
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  tonight would make you sad, even though it's your birthday.
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  I thought you wanted to spend your birthday alone.
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  You see what I'm saying, Dave, right there, That's delusional.
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  That's delusional. That's the delusional mindset of
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  a lot of narcissists right there.
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  I didn't think staying after staying at work for an extra
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  hour would affect you in this way.
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  I didn't realize that you would start crying because I'm staying
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  at the office. But then again, remember why I
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  said earlier on, once you start crying or something like that,
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  having a reaction to something that they've done, the shame
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  that creeps in, and then they're either retreat within themselves
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  or they'll give you a big reaction.
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  You're so you like, they've been waiting in the car.
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  Like you've been waiting in the car for them for about an hour,
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  and then they come out and you were like, you crying.
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  Like, what are you crying for? It's like you say you'll be
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  here, be out here at six. We had plans at 7.
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  Now we got to make it. Oh, my God, you're so damn
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  sensitive. Wow.
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  I didn't know. I can't help.
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  I got to work over. I can't help.
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  I got to do this. I can't help.
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  I got to do that, you know, within that space right there.
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  So that's why I just tell people, like, you're in a unique
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  dynamic. You're in a unique space, like a
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  lot of narcissists do know what their actions are doing to you.
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  But there are some narcissists that really don't realize it.
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  And they try to avoid shame and whatnot because that's what they
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  do. They want to get rid of that
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  shame. They want to shake, shake free
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  of shake, Shake free of the shame.
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  That's not like that's some tongue twister, right.
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  There is shake free of the shame, the shameless shakes free
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  of the shame. You need New York.
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  You want New York. You know you need unique New
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  York Tongue twister for my for my actors out there, a little
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  acting exercise for you to warm up your vocal instrument and
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  whatnot. But yeah, yeah, don't.
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  Like I said, but do not let some narcissist play your face by
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  telling you that they didn't know.
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  Because the big stuff that they do, they know it affects you in
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  a negative way. They know it would affect you in
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  a negative way especially. And this is how you can tell.
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  If you didn't think it would hurt me, why did you hide it?
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  Especially if they hide something, you have to find out
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  about it. They knew it would hurt you.
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  They knew that their actions or their words would would affect
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  you, so they hid it. Or they try to keep it a secret.
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  That's one of the telltale signs right there that they knew it
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  would affect you in some some way, shape or form.
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  Yeah, yeah. I think I've made it to this
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  far. If you haven't already, make
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  Got some big things coming up. Made it through the month of
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  January. Be safe.
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  This is out peace. Thank you so much for making it
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  to the end of my video. You are a mental illness
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  Rockstar and I appreciate you for being here.
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  I will see you in the next video.
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  Peace.