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Learn to Fly in the Fellowship · Reformed Thinking

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Welcome to Reformed Thinking, the deep dive designed to
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sharpen your perspective. Today we're taking a look into
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some really thought provoking sources.
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They challenge how we might normally think about Christian
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relationships and specifically the huge part listening plays.
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We're mainly drawing from David Mathis's Habits of Grace and
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also insights from Bon Hoefer. Both kind of paint this picture
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of what real Christian fellowship can look like.
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Yes, that's right. And we'll be digging into this
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New Testament idea, quinonia. It's a Greek word that, you
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know, carries so much more weight than how we usually use
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fellowship today. Our goal here is to kind of
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unpack its electric reality, as Mathis calls it, see how it
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functions. Is this, well, vital way God
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gives his grace? And crucially, how listening,
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something we maybe don't think about enough, is right at the
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center of it all. This isn't about, you know, just
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showing up for coffee hour. It's described almost as a life
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and death group effort all centered on Christ.
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We want to show you how these concepts really affect your own
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spiritual life, your vitality, and how you live within the
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Church, the body of believers. OK, so let's start unpacking
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that. The sources seem to say our
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modern idea of fellowship. It's maybe lost its edge a bit.
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Maybe watered down, like when we hear the word.
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Maybe we picture pizza nights. Or as one source puts it, a
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common love for pizza pop and a nice clean evening of fun among
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the fellow certified. But what's the actual biblical
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idea here? Why are these writers pushing us
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to see past that casual picture? It's really fascinating,
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actually. They pull us right back to that
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Greek word quinonia. And it's not about just liking
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the same thing superficially. It signals A commonality, yes,
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but also partnership, shared mission.
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For the first Christians, the core of it was, and I'm quoting
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here, their common Christ and their common life or death
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mission together in his summons to take the faith worldwide in
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the face of impending persecution.
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Just hearing that definition, you can immediately sense how
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different it is from just a casual get together.
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It's serious. It's purposeful.
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Right, so definitely not just, you know, comfortable chats with
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snacks and drinks. The sources used some really
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strong images to make this distinction clear.
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Don't they? They say it's not shummy hobnob
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with apps and drinks in a game on the Tube that really hits
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home, differentiating it from just regular friendships.
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Could you maybe flesh out those comparisons?
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They use the ones that set Koinonia apart so vividly.
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They really do use powerful pictures.
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They say. True fellowship is less like
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friends gathered to watch the Super Bowl and more like players
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on the field in blood, sweat and tears, huddled in the backfield
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only in preparation for the next down.
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You feel the grit in that right? The shared effort, the struggle,
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the focus on the next play, not just passive enjoyment.
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Yeah, definitely. It's active, not passive.
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Exactly. And another one that's really
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striking, it's more the invading troops side by side on the beach
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at Normandy than it is the gleeful revelers in the street
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on V Day. I mean, think about that,
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contrast Normandy versus VE Day. One is about the ongoing battle,
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the shared danger, the absolute reliance on each other.
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The other is the celebration after the fight.
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These images highlight an all in life or death collective venture
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in the face of great evil and overwhelming opposition.
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It's not some casual club you dip in and out of.
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It implies this deep binding connection needed for a really
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serious ongoing task. It requires everyone being
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engaged, looking out for each other, moving forward together.
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That's a world away from just liking the same church
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activities. It makes you think the
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foundation for that kind of collective effort must be
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incredibly solid. Where does that deep connection
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come from, according to the sources?
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Is it just that people agreed on things or is there something
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more defined behind it? Oh it's absolutely presented as
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divine and origin. The sources pointed back to Acts
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like Acts one point 1.4 and 2.42 where the first Christians
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devoted themselves to fellowship right alongside the word.
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The apostles teaching in prayer. That grouping tells you
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something. Fellowship wasn't just a social
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add on, it was a core spiritual practice and his foundation was
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primarily in Jesus, as First Corinthians 1.9 says, and in his
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spirit mentioned in 2nd Corinthians 13.12.
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It wasn't based on human compatibility alone.
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So it's Christ centered in spirit enabled fellowship.
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Precisely through Christ, they became fellow heirs of the
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divine inheritance. You see that Romans 8IN
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Ephesians 3, they even remarkably shared all things in
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common, as Acts 2 and 4 described.
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Think about that level of sharing.
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And it broke down huge social barriers.
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Jew and Gentile became fellow citizens, as Ephesians 2 puts
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it. The point is, the gospel itself
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creates community like no other. It's a spiritual reality brought
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about by God's work, not just human effort or shared
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interests. God makes the bond.
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OK, so if it's this deep, divinely created partnership
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grounded in Christ and the Spirit, what does that actually
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mean for us? It's clearly more than just
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hanging out. It sounds like there's a real
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objective, a purpose to this partnership.
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What is that shared aim that binds people together in this
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unique Koinonia? That's a great question and the
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sources are very direct about it.
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The aim is explicitly a partnership in the gospel, as
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Philippians 1.5 puts it. It's not fellowship for
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fellowship's sake. Believers are described as
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giving their everything to advance the gospel, like Paul
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says in Philippians 1.12. They're knit together for the
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progress and joy in the faith of others, as verse coming 5 says.
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And Paul considers them partakers with me of grace in
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the defense and confirmation of the gospel in verse seven.
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So the fellowship itself is a vehicle, a means to an end, and
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that end is spreading and upholding the good news about
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Jesus. It fuels the mission.
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And it's not meant to be turned inward, right?
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Like some exclusive holy huddle, the sources talk about an
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outward focus and even use this really strong phrase, the final
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apologetic. That sounds significant.
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What does that mean? How does this Koinonia relate to
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people outside the Christian faith?
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What is this final apologetic? Yeah, that's a critical point
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they make. This fellowship is no isolated
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commune or static mutual admiration society.
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It's inherently outward looking. In fact, real fellowship will do
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precisely the opposite of forgetting the lost.
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It must, Mathis insists, it laborers to win the lost.
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The idea is profound. The medium of our relationship
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is the message of salvation, how believers treat each other
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because a living demonstration of the Gospels reality.
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So the way Christians love each other actually communicates the
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message. Exactly when the fellowship is
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genuine, the depth of affection isn't a sign of being cliquey or
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inward looking. Instead, it becomes the ultimate
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proof, the final apologetic. Jesus himself said it in John
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13.35. By this all people will know
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that you are my disciples if you have love for one another.
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Usually when we talk apologetics, we mean giving
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reason defenses for our faith, like logical arguments,
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evidence. Right.
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Defending the faith intellectually.
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But the sources point to this final apologetic as something
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perhaps even weightier. It's the undeniable, visible
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evidence of Christ's life changing work seen in the love
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within the community. That observable affection, that
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mutual care, that unity across differences.
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That's what ultimately shows the world that Christ is real and
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that his gospel changes lives. It's the proof.
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Wow, that really elevates the stakes for how we relate to each
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other within the church. And it gets even more intense
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because the sources also say this fellowship serves to keep
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fellow Saints saved. That sounds huge, like our
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relationships are actually part of God's plan to preserve our
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faith. How does that work?
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How can a community play such a vital role in someone's
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individual salvation? It is a weighty concept, and it
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ties into this idea of fellowship as a means of grace.
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In Reformed thinking, we understand that God uses certain
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ordinary, appointed ways to deliver his grace to us.
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Things like His Word being preached, the sacraments,
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prayer, and crucially, the active life of the Church
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community. It's not that the community
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earns grace, but God sovereignly works through the interactions,
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the encouragement, the correction within the body to
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sustain his people. The sources highlight two key
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passages in Hebrews. They call them the twin texts of
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Christian fellowship that show we're not meant to try to access
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grace as isolated individuals. God uses the community, his
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people, to keep each other from drifting away.
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It's a corporate safety net woven by God himself.
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OK, let's look at those two texts from Hebrews.
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The first one you mentioned is Hebrews 10.2425.
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It talks about stirring up one another to love and good works.
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What does that look like practically?
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How do we actually stir someone up in that way?
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That sounds pretty active. It is active, Hebrews 10.2425
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says let us consider how to stir up one another to love and good
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works, not neglecting to meet together as is the habit of
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some, but encouraging one another.
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And all the more as you see the day drawing near the really
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striking instruction there is. Consider how it implies sought
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intentionality. It means we need to look past
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your own nose to the needs of others.
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When we gather, it's not just about showing up, it's about
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engaging with specific people. The sources unpack it like this.
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Know each other, get close, stay close, go deep, and then
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consider particular persons and interact with them such that you
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exhort and inspire them to love and good deeds specifically
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fitting to their mix. So it's personalized
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encouragement, not generic platitudes.
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Exactly. It requires knowing someone well
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enough to know what specific encouragement or challenge they
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might need at that moment. This is how fellowship becomes
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this potent and personal means of grace.
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Think about it. A brother or a sister who knows
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you, really knows you, speaks the truth and love.
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Like Ephesians 4.15 says, they give you a word that's good for
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building up as fits the occasion, that it may give grace
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to those who hear. Quoting Ephesians 4.29 that
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specific, timely word from someone who cares, That's an
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inestimable grace. The sources call it a priceless
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gift God gives through others. It shows we need each other.
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That makes sense. And the second twin text,
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Hebrews 3.1213, sounds even more serious.
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It talks about daily exhortation to prevent being hardened by
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sins. Deceitfulness.
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How does the community handle that responsibility, especially
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if someone is maybe unaware they're drifting?
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That sounds like a delicate but vital task.
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It is delicate and incredibly vital.
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Hebrews 3.1213 warns, Take care, brothers, lest there be in any
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of you an evil, unbelieving heart leading you to fall away
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from the living God. But exhort one another every day
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that none of you may be hardened by the deceitfulness of sin.
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Now notice where the responsibility lies.
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The sources point out that the primary charge here lands not on
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the drifting St. to get himself back on the path, but on the
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others in the community. That's interesting.
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The community is responsible for the exhortation.
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Yes, it implies the community needs enough proximity to him,
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awareness of him, and regularity with him to spot the drift.
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And not just spot it, but to war with him for him against the
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sin. That strong language warring for
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someone against sin? It's presented as the body's
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role to take up discipline on behalf of the wanderer, to
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mediate grace to the struggler, to preempt apostasy by putting
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words of truth and grace into his open ear hole and praying
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for the Spirit to make them live.
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It's this picture of active, vigilant corporate care.
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It's about safeguarding each other's faith, recognizing how
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sneaky and hardening sin can be, and knowing we can't fight it
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alone. That idea of the community
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actively spotting drift and intervening?
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That's powerful. The sources also call this
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function a glorious backstop of grace.
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Can you unpack that image? What does it mean for us when
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we're really struggling? Maybe feeling distant from God,
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low on spiritual energy? How does this backstop work?
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That backstop image really captures how God uses community
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in our weakest moments. It asks, how does God step in
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when we can't seem to reach Him? The sources suggest fellowship
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may save your life in the dark night of your soul.
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Think about those times when your own desire to avail
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yourself of hearing His voice and the Word has dried up.
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Maybe reading the Bible feels impossible, or when your
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spiritual energy is gone to speak into His ear in prayer.
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You just don't have the strengths to pray in those
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moments, the sources say. God sends His body to bring you
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back. So others step in when we can't.
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Yes, it's typically not the Wanderers own efforts that
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prompt his return to the fold, but his brothers.
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Referencing James 5.1920, the community becomes that priceless
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means of God's grace, the invaluable backstop.
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It catches you when you're falling, even when you didn't
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initiate the return. This just underscores that the
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grace of God cannot be quarantined to individuals.
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It flows through the body. That's why a spiritually healthy
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Christian, whether they're introverted or extroverted,
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whatever their personality, shouldn't try to minimize
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relationships in the church, but maximize them.
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Because God has guilt us each other to be to each other an
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indispensable means of His divine favor.
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This fellowship isn't optional. It's described as an essential
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element of the good work God has begun in US and promises to
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bring to completion. As Philippians 1.6 assures us,
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God uses people to finish His work in US.
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OK, so this isn't just about having friendly chats.
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It sounds like there needs to be a more solid structure for this
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kind of backstop fellowship to really work.
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The sources mentioned covenantal fellowship.
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What makes that different from just having, you know, good
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Christian friends? How does that formal pledge
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create the safety net? That's a key distinction the
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sources make. They argue that the deepest,
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most durable sum of fellowship is covenantal.
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This means it's between parties that have made formal
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commitments to each other. The analogy uses marriage, a
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public binding pledge. It signifies a level of
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seriousness, a mutual obligation that goes beyond casual
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friendship. It's a declared intention to
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stick together. And how does that play out in
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the church context? Is this about church membership
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specifically? Yes, that seems to be the
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primary application, the sources say.
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When we make vows and promises to each other in covenanting
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together in a local church, as members or partners, we don't
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inhibit the true life of the church but give the truest
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conditions for its growth and flourishing.
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So these firmal pledges, like taking membership vows, aren't
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seen as restrictive red tape. They actually provide the stable
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environment needed for deep relationships to grow.
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This covenant community means members are pledged to be the
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church for each other through thick and thin.
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Pledged through thick and thin, that's strong.
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It is, and it stands in contrast to just a network of loose
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Christian relationships where people might easily drift in and
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out of the community without that same level of mutual
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accountability and support. Why are these pledges seen as so
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helpful? Because, frankly, our hearts are
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prone to wander and life throws curveballs.
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Casual connections might not withstand the pressure.
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A covenant provides a structure, the sources say.
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Covenant community is like Christian marriage in that it is
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within the framework of stated commitments and promised
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allegiances that life in relationship is guarded,
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nourished and encouraged most to thrive.
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It's within that pledged framework that Grace has the
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clearest channels to flow consistently between believers.
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OK, that sets the stage really well for this final section on
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listening. The sources call listening an
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underrated act, but also essential for fellowship and
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another means of grace. We tend to think hearing is
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passive easy, but they talk about true, sustained active
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listening is something much harder.
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What's the core difference there?
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Yeah, it's easy to confuse hearing with listening, isn't
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it? As Romans 10.96 says, faith
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comes from hearing the word of Christ.
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So hearing God's Word is fundamental and in a sense,
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passive reception. But the kind of listening needed
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for Koinonia, for fellowship, is described as true, sustained,
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active listening. And that, they say, is a great
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act of faith and a great means of grace, both for ourselves and
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for others. Why is it hard?
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Because in our sin, we'd rather trust in ourselves than in
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another. Speak our own mind rather than
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listen to someone else. Our default to self
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centeredness, true listening requires humility.
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Sitting aside our own agenda, our own desire to speak, and
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actually concentrating on the other person.
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It's an act of choice against our natural inclination.
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Is there a key Bible verse that guides us here?
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A sort of charter for Christian listening.
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There is the go to text highlighted is James 1.1 Tang.
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Let every person be quick to hear, slow to speak, slow to
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anger. Sound simle right.
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But the sources admit it's simle enough in principle and nearly
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impossible to live. Because realistically, too often
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we are slow to hear, quick to speak, and quick to anger.
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We get it backwards. So learning to listen well isn't
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automatic. It requires discipline, effort,
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and intentionality. It's about developing a pattern
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of little resolves, cultivating the habit to focus in on
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particular people in specific moments.
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It's built through consistent small choices.
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A habit built on small choices. OK, the sources then layout 6
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specific lessons for good listening.
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Let's tackle the first Good listening requires patience.
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What is impatient listening look like and how does patients help
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us overcome that? Patients in listening.
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Tough, impatient listening is that kind of listening with half
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an ear that presumes already to know what the other person has
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to say. You know that feeling.
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Someone starts talking and your brain jumps ahead, Oh, I know
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this story. Or here we go again.
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Or worse, you're just mentally rehearsing your reply.
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That's impatient, inattentive listening, only waiting for a
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chance to speak. The sources say many of us are
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too preoccupied with ourselves. When we listen, instead of
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focusing on what's being said, we're busy either deciding what
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to say in response or mentally rejecting the other person's
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point of view. Yeah, I can definitely recognize
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that tendency in myself sometimes.
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We all can, I think. True patience though, demands
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concentration. Being in with both ears, hearing
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the person out till he's done speaking.
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And this is key. Rarely will the speaker begin
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with what's most important and deepest.
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People often circle around the main point.
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We need to hear the whole thing all the way to the caboose
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before jumping in patient, listening.
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Silence is the smartphone, sure, but also silence is the internal
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noise. It doesn't stop the story, but
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is attentive, impatient. It looks externally relaxed, but
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is internally active, focused. It really takes energy to block
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out the distractions and the many good excuses we might have
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for interrupting for those naturally quick to speak.
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It takes real spirit power, patience to keep hearing, to
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resist fixing and just let the person finish.
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That leads perfectly into the second lesson.
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Good listening is an act of love.
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It's not just about technique, but about the heart behind it.
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How does listening or failing to listen actually communicate love
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or the lack of it? Well that half your listening we
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just talked about. The sources say it essentially
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despises the brother. Ouch.
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Because it's only waiting for a chance to speak and let's get
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rid of the other person. It treats them like an
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interruption. So poor listening rejects, good
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listening embraces. It's offering the gift of your
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full presence, which communicates value.
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Poor listening diminishes others, while good listening
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invites them to exist and to matter.
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You're affirming their worth by truly hearing them.
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And the connection to our faith is direct.
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Just as love to God begins with listening to His Word, so the
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beginning of love for the brethren is learning to listen
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to them. Good listening aligns with the
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mindset of Christ from Philippians 2.
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Humility, considering others more significant.
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It flows from a heart that looks not only to his own interests,
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but also the interests of others.
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It embodies the patience and kindness of First Corinthians
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13. So listening isn't just polite,
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it's a tangible way we live out Christ command to love one
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another. It says You are important to me.
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OK, lesson 3. Good listening asks perceptive
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questions. This sounds more active than
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just patiently waiting. How do we move beyond surface
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level questions to ones that genuinely help someone open up
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and explore what's really going on inside?
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Right, It's not passive waiting. The sources bring in Proverbs.
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Here it is the fool who takes no pleasure in understanding, but
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only in exercising his opinions. Proverbs 18.2.
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A fool just wants to talk, not understand, and that fool gives
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an answer before he hears. Proverbs 18.13.
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We need to avoid that. Instead, Proverbs 20.5 says the
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purpose in a man's heart is like deep water, but a man of
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understanding will draw it out. Listening well is like drawing
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water from a deep well. So good listening asks
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perceptive, open-ended questions.
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Questions that can't just be answered with yes or no.
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They gently peel the onion and probe beneath the surface.
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It means being curious, genuinely wanting to understand.
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Good listeners also watch carefully for nonverbal
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communication, tone, body language.
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But they don't interrogate and pry.
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The goal is to meekly draw them out, maybe using careful,
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genuine leading questions to help the speaker see things from
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a fresh angle. Just articulate what they're
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feeling more clearly. It's skillful and gentle.
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Gently peeling the onion. I like that image.
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Which brings us to lesson 4. Good listening is ministry.
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We usually think of ministry as doing things, preaching, serving
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meals, teaching. How is just listening a form of
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ministry? How does it serve someone?
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It's a bit counterintuitive for some of us, maybe, but the
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sources insist there are many times when listening can be a
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greater service than speaking. Sometimes the most helpful thing
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you can do is simply offer your undivided attention.
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It might mean consciously squaring your shoulders, making
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eye contact, leaning in, and being willing to hear his pain
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all the way to the bottom. Often good listening diffuses
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the emotions that are part of the problem.
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Just letting someone vent, articulate their frustration or
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sadness can be incredibly therapeutic.
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Sometimes releasing these emotions is all that is needed
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to solve the problem. So the listening itself can be
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healing. Yes, it means putting more
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emphasis on affirmation than on answers.
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You don't always need to have the solution.
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Many times God simply wants to use me as a channel of His
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affirming love as I listen with compassion and understanding.
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Just letting someone know they're heard and cared for can
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be a huge gift. As the sources say, often a
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person can be helped merely by having someone who will listen
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to him Seriously. It's a ministry of presence, a
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validation of bearing a burden by hearing it.
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That's really freeing, actually. The pressure isn't always on us
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to fix things. But Lesson 5, good listening
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prepares us to speak well, reminds us that sometimes we do
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need to speak. How does listening first make
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our eventual words more effective, more gracious?
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Right, it's not always about silence.
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While sometimes good listening only listens and ministers best
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by keeping quiet for the moment, usually it does prepare us.
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It readies us to minister words of grace to precisely the place
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where the other is in need. Our words become targeted and
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helpful, not generic or off base because we actually understand
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the situation. Bonhoeffer's quote is key here.
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We should listen with the ears of God that we may speak the
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word of God. Listening helps us discern what
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needs to be said, perhaps even what God wants said.
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This requires resisting defensiveness, especially if the
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topic is difficult. It means listening from a non
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judgmental stance, really training himself not to
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formulate opinions or responses until the full account is on the
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table. Only after truly hearing and
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understanding are we equipped to speak words that are genuinely
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helpful, truthful and loving. Words that build up, as
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Ephesians says. Listening with the ears of God.
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That's a high calling, and it connects directly to the final
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lesson number six. Good listening reflects our
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relationship with God. This seems to tie it all
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together. How does the way we listen or
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don't listen to people reflect our own spiritual state in
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connection with God? This is maybe the most
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challenging insight. Our inability to listen well to
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others may be symptomatic of a chatty spirit that is drowning
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out the voice of God. If our minds are always racing,
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always formulating our own thoughts, always talking
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internally or externally, how can we possibly hear the still
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small voice of the Spirit, or even pay attention to God's
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Word? Bonhoeffer's warning is stark.
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He who can no longer listen to his brother will soon be no
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longer listening to God either. He'll be doing nothing but
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prattle in the presence of God, too.
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He calls this the beginning of the death of the spiritual life.
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A failure to listen to others signals A deeper failure to
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listen to God. Our horizontal relationships
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reveal our vertical one, he adds.
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Anyone who thinks that his time is too valuable to spend keeping
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quiet will eventually have no time for God and his brother,
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but only for himself and for his own follies.
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Self importance crowds out God and others.
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Conversely, embracing good listening makes us channels for
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God's grace. It's a great means of grace for
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us, helping us grow, and it allows God to use us as His
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means of grace in the lives of others.
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It's fundamental spiritual practice, reflecting our
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humility and our dependence on God in His body.
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This has been incredibly rich. We've journeyed from
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understanding Koinonia not as just casual hanging out, but as
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this vital gospel driven partnership.
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We saw how it acts as a glorious backstop of grace, God's way of
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keeping us close through community, especially through
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covenant relationships. And now we see how absolutely
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central listening is to all of it.
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Not just hearing, but this patient, loving, perceptive,
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active listening as a ministry and a reflection of our walk
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with God. Absolutely.
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And looking at the big picture, it really pushes back against
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our modern, often individualistic ways of thinking
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about faith. The health of your spiritual
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life, according to these sources, is deeply tied to how
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well you engage with and listen to your brothers and sisters in
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Christ. It's an act of faith to listen
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well. It shows real affection.
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And it's one of the key ways God pours his grace into our lives
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and threw us to others. It pulls us out of ourselves and
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into the beautiful, messy reality of the body of Christ.
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So as we wrap up, here's something for you, the listener,
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to consider. How might picking just one of
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these six listening habits, maybe patients, maybe asking
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better questions, maybe just affirming someone?
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How might practicing that intentionally this week change
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your relationship you have in your church community?
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And even deeper, what might paying attention to your
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listening habits reveal about your own heart and your walk
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with God? Maybe, as you suggested earlier,
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even asking someone you trust to help keep you accountable to
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being quick to hear. And thank you for joining us on
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this deep dive into Reformed thinking.
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May God give you grace to be quick to hear.