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Navigating The Complexities of Guilt · RiseUp - Live Joy Your Way

• 0:00
  SPEAKER_01: Today's episode is produced by my friends at Walk West.
• 0:03
  SPEAKER_01: If you're looking to grow your brand and generate leads through podcast or video production, head over to walkwest.com.
• 0:10
  SPEAKER_01: Okay, let's start the show.
• 0:14
  SPEAKER_00: Rise up.
• 0:15
  SPEAKER_00: Live joy your way.
• 0:19
  SPEAKER_00: From emotional intelligence through cognitive distortions, certified life and wellness coach Comedy Wood is on a mission to help people see the magnificence of their own unique human spirit.
• 0:30
  SPEAKER_00: Through these small bites of self-visation and self-confidence, you can have healthy relationships, success in business and career, and live the life you want to live.
• 0:40
  SPEAKER_00: Rise up, live joy your way.
• 0:45
  SPEAKER_01: Hi there and welcome to another episode of Rise Up, Live Joy Your Way.
• 0:49
  SPEAKER_01: Whether it's morning, afternoon, or evening, I just want to say thank you for taking some time out of your day to hang out with me.
• 0:57
  SPEAKER_01: And today I want to talk about guilt.
• 0:59
  SPEAKER_01: I heard somebody recently call something the good guilt or bad guilt.
• 1:05
  SPEAKER_01: And instead, I want to give it a different phraseology.
• 1:07
  SPEAKER_01: I want to talk about the difference between constructive and destructive guilt and just understanding how making the distinction between the two can be helpful.
• 1:18
  SPEAKER_01: So let's just talk about guilt in general.
• 1:20
  SPEAKER_01: What is guilt in the very first place?
• 1:23
  SPEAKER_01: Guilt is an emotion, an emotional response really that we feel when we have a signal to ourselves that we have stepped out outside of our own values or our own ethical principles or boundaries that we have internally set for ourselves.
• 1:38
  SPEAKER_01: It's our conscience's way of saying, maybe that we need to think about this.
• 1:43
  SPEAKER_01: Maybe something is not right here.
• 1:45
  SPEAKER_01: But the the key to guilt is understanding whether or not the guilt that we're feeling is constructive and it's actually telling us that we are outside of alignment with our values and with our own moral code and we would like to make repair, or destructive guilt where it's actually taking us down the pathway of shame and really saying that there's something wrong with us and that we are a bad individual.
• 2:09
  SPEAKER_01: So constructive guilt is really more like the nudge, the nudge in the right direction that says, hmm, okay, I have either said something or acted in a way where I have made a mistake or I have, like I mentioned before, being I was misaligned with how I truly uh think, what I truly feel, what I truly value.
• 2:28
  SPEAKER_01: And that guilt, that that momentary recognition allows for curiosity and to ask the question of, well, you know, is this something that I would like to make repair over?
• 2:39
  SPEAKER_01: Is this something that I would like to improve?
• 2:41
  SPEAKER_01: And I can use it as a growth opportunity.
• 2:45
  SPEAKER_01: So if we think about an example of this, maybe we responded to a friend or a loved one uh quickly and without thinking.
• 2:53
  SPEAKER_01: And so maybe we said something that was harsh and we said it in a very uh unkind way.
• 3:00
  SPEAKER_01: And that could be out of alignment with our value of kindness and compassion.
• 3:04
  SPEAKER_01: And so while we may have still wanted to communicate something to our friend or our loved one, we recognize that the way in which we did it was hurtful, and we can then use that nudge of guilt to say, I would like to make repair with this individual.
• 3:19
  SPEAKER_01: However, when we're talking about destructive guilt, right, when we're saying, you know, the difference between constructive and destructive, the destructive guilt is not very helpful.
• 3:30
  SPEAKER_01: It's the type of guilt that actually lingers, it's the type of guilt that takes you down this path of self-criticism to the point of shaming and saying, there is something wrong with me, there is I'm inadequate, um, I am a bad person.
• 3:46
  SPEAKER_01: And that destructive guilt does not actually offer an opportunity to grow and instead simply says, I'm this bad person and I'm just not enough, or I'm I'm I'm not worthy of being in relationship with other people.
• 4:01
  SPEAKER_01: So instead of nudging you into a place of growth or nudging you into a place of repair and working on a relationship with somebody, instead it actually pushes you into paralysis and potentially down a rabbit hole of regret and just isolation because now you're thinking you're a bad person.
• 4:20
  SPEAKER_01: So, how do you know if you're dealing with constructive or destructive guilt?
• 4:24
  SPEAKER_01: It's really important to ask certain questions.
• 4:26
  SPEAKER_01: Is the guilt itself prompting me to take action and to make amends?
• 4:31
  SPEAKER_01: Is this guilt that I'm feeling allowing room to reflect?
• 4:36
  SPEAKER_01: Is there an opportunity to grow here?
• 4:38
  SPEAKER_01: If the answer to that is yes, then maybe that is constructive.
• 4:41
  SPEAKER_01: But if the answer is no, I'm in this cycle of self-blame and in this cycle of there's something wrong with me, there's almost no way out or a way to move forward, you more than likely are down the path of destructive guilt and on your way into just self-shaming and into this place of um thinking that there's something wrong with you.
• 5:02
  SPEAKER_01: So, what do we do?
• 5:03
  SPEAKER_01: How do we shift from destructive guilt into more constructive guilt?
• 5:07
  SPEAKER_01: The very first thing is becoming aware of it.
• 5:09
  SPEAKER_01: And so by asking those questions, you now are bringing to the consciousness the awareness of wow, I'm I'm shaming myself.
• 5:17
  SPEAKER_01: I'm actually saying that there's something wrong with me.
• 5:20
  SPEAKER_01: And once you have that awareness, then you can actually take action and you can you can start moving through this idea of, is this thought even helping me?
• 5:29
  SPEAKER_01: How is this serving me?
• 5:31
  SPEAKER_01: And moving from a place of uh self-shaming into a place of curiosity, shifting into this idea of uh really, am I a bad person or what's actually true here?
• 5:42
  SPEAKER_01: And and when you ask that question and you start naming what's actually true, you offer yourself an opportunity to start taking different aligned action.
• 5:52
  SPEAKER_01: So that again, we acknowledge the guilt, we give it space, we recognize this is a signal telling us that something is not in alignment here.
• 6:00
  SPEAKER_01: Then we do a reflection on our values.
• 6:03
  SPEAKER_01: Did how I show up, was it actually in um disalignment with my values?
• 6:08
  SPEAKER_01: And can I make a repair?
• 6:09
  SPEAKER_01: So we take responsibility for those times where we maybe have acted outside of alignment with our values and our moral code, and we we make that repair with whomever we need to.
• 6:21
  SPEAKER_01: But it's also important to set boundaries within ourselves and recognizing that if the guilt is turning destructive, we need to work on our own mental and emotional boundaries and remind ourselves that guilt, when it is purposeful, is offering a room to grow.
• 6:36
  SPEAKER_01: When it is not purposeful and it's actually destructive, it's shutting us down.
• 6:40
  SPEAKER_01: And so by doing that, we can shift guilt itself into more of a constructive mode rather a destructive rather than a destructive mode.
• 6:49
  SPEAKER_01: If you are finding yourself struggling with this concept of guilt and recognizing that the self-doubt as well as just the self-talk is more destructive than constructive, and you'd like to understand how coaching could actually help with that, feel free to book a time to speak with me anytime at coachwithcomedy.com.
• 7:08
  SPEAKER_01: And until next time, stay welcome.
• 7:12
  SPEAKER_00: Thank you for listening to Rise Up, Live Joy Your Way.
• 7:15
  SPEAKER_00: For more information, book a chat with comedy at www.chatwithcomedy.com.
• 7:22
  SPEAKER_00: Or visit her website at www.comedywood.com.
• 7:26
  SPEAKER_00: You can also find comedy on Facebook or Instagram.
• 7:29
  SPEAKER_00: Username It's Authentic Me.
• 7:32
  SPEAKER_00: Thank you for listening.