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Dreamers and Detail People (Special Spouse Edition) · Christian Business Growth Podcast

• 0:00
  Hello and welcome to Christian Business Growth Podcast.
• 0:03
  Today we have a special episode.
• 0:05
  We're gonna call this the spouses edition episode.
• 0:09
  I've asked my wife to be on here with me.
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  Her name is Terza.
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  That's T-I-R-Z-A-H.
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  It's in the Bible.
• 0:15
  After this podcast, go look it up.
• 0:16
  See if you can find it.
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  It'd be fun.
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  maybe she'll share a secret of where it's located or something.
• 0:21
  But I've got some different questions today because we're gonna be talking to Terza.
• 0:26
  Terza, anything you want to say to get us started?
• 0:29
  Hi.
• 0:30
  Hi, there she is.
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  So the first question that we came up with for I kinda wanted these to line up with our current question, but be a little bit different, you know.
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  What has it been like being married to someone who's in business, especially in seasons where it stretched your faith, your patience, or your expectations?
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  Um that's a lot of a question.
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  Um well it's been good and bad, right?
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  So that's just life.
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  Uh the the good is that you get to go on this adventure together and do something new, uh try out new things.
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  Um your faith gets to be stretched, so that's good too.
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  but it's also it's also hard.
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  So it's hard when you aren't sure where you're going and you're not sure what is in front of you or how far you can see in front of you.
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  And so that makes that that hard and also that grows that faith.
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  Um it's a I guess maybe it's a total package.
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  Uh but it's it's it's really difficult too when most entrepreneurs are dreamers.
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  And most people marry their opposite, so probably the spouse isn't a dreamer, is more of a day-to-day, I need the details kind of thing.
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  At least that is the same that is so with us.
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  And so when your spouse comes with this great entrepreneurial idea of it's gonna be great, and you want to know how you're gonna get there, and you're not sure how you're gonna get
• 2:04
  there.
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  And uh the entrepreneur probably doesn't have all the details, and so you have to have a little bit of faith.
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  uh to go along with those ideas.
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  Um communication and talking about those are definitely key.
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  making sure that the spouse knows um that you are thinking about some of the details.
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  Maybe not all of them, but some of them is important.
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  And then I think that's I think I answered the question.
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  Not sure if I did or not
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  Right quick, tell us what you do and how you're different than an entrepreneur.
• 2:43
  well, okay.
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  Um my job is an accountant and so very detail oriented, very uh much involved in the numbers.
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  Um
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  Very different from a dreamer.
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  That's okay.
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  Uh, I also have uh thank you for asking that question.
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  So entrepreneurs are dreamers, and they're they like working for themselves.
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  They like that freedom.
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  And it's not that I don't, but I'm very it's a very different mindset from a person who has a job or has had a job for their entire life, hasn't really worked for themselves.
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  And so
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  when you stepped out into doing your own business for the first time it was very different for me and I had to um look at things from a different perspective from it didn't work as
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  uh I couldn't I couldn't see it as an employee I had to see it as the boss and owning your own business is very different than working for someone else and so it took a lot of time
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  it actually took quite a few years for me
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  to open up that to get that mindset switched or at least be open to that mindset of being your own boss, being responsible for all the things.
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  So I work for somebody, but I'm not responsible for all the things.
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  I'm only responsible for my thing.
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  and there's comfort for me in that.
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  but the entrepreneur, they want to be in charge of all the things.
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  All the hats.
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  Absolutely.
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  I just want my one hat.
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  exactly.
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  Let me ask you.
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  So as an entrepreneur's spouse, you said you had to go through that mindset shift.
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  Let's talk to the entrepreneurs for a s second.
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  What's a mindset shift that you had to go through that would have been helpful for somebody to give you some guidance in?
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  So in other words, if I'm an entrepreneur and I want to help my spouse understand that mindset of entrepreneurial spirit, what's a good way to communicate that?
• 4:42
  It's a question.
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  Um I don't know.
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  I think for me it was going with you to um events or going to or reading even mindset books about entrepreneurship, even though I wasn't the one who was interested in it, it
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  did help me uh see things from a different perspective.
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  Even though I had a parent who owned his own business, it was still very difficult um when for me when you wanted to step out in this.
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  At first it was like, Yeah, that's great, but then when you actually get into the trenches, um, it's it's hard uh to to think differently when you've thought that way for
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  decades.
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  Um I
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  And for me it was just it was reading and being open to that.
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  And it took a while to be open to that.
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  And it took a lot of conversations to understand that boy I think is not the way you think.
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  Um I don't know if there's a shortcut to that, because I didn't have a shortcut.
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  Right.
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  And one of the things we've done is we we have a debriefing.
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  So once a week at least, we'll sit down and kind of what I what I we call our de debriefing.
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  We talk about what's going on, where things are moving, where where we see struggles and everything.
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  And Teres is great at that being that soundboard person.
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  I think you're there's a there's a balance as an entrepreneur of this person being your soundboard versus dumping on them.
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  And I think that balance has got to be keyed, you know.
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  Tell them enough to get them on board to know what's happening, but not so much they're bogged down by all the details.
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  You're a detailed person, but you don't want to know all the details, there's a difference.
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  That's true.
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  I want to know that you have thought through the details.
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  Well, and I think too I think too that you have to have that communication about what what do you want, what do you need.
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  And that can change from idea to idea or year to year.
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  You know, do you do you as the entrepreneur want your spouse to be like
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  Yeah, that's great, let's go for it.
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  And to some extent we all want that.
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  But then is it okay?
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  And how much do I ask the details?
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  Do you want me to help you think through it critically of okay, where are you gonna get the startup?
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  Who's gonna do your payroll?
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  Who's gonna do your accounting?
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  Who how are you gonna market this?
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  Who's gonna do your website?
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  You know, do you want help with those details or you just want Okay, that's great.
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  Let's see how it goes.
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  Yeah, and the spouse is looking for stability and safety and comfort.
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  And the entrepreneur is looking for creativity and confidence and adventure.
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  So there's always a balance that goes between those two things.
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  So the next question is, what are some ways that business owners can better love, support, and lead their family while still pursuing what they feel called to build?
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  Yeah.
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  So I think it that also goes back to talking and communicating.
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  Um, one thing you've been really good at is carving out time.
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  So if you
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  You've got to set your calendar or your schedule to allow time for your family.
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  Whatever time that is.
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  We'll just use a regular quote unquote normal workday of nine to five.
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  So nine to five, you're working.
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  And after five, uh, you don't take meetings, you don't take phone calls, you're not continuing to work, so that you can spend that with your spouse or your family until they
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  go to bed.
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  And then maybe you're a night owl like Lyle and
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  Um, you work another couple hours before you go to bed, but that's fine.
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  And when you carve out that time and it's sacred for lack of a better term, that you're gonna spend that time all the time with your family, then when that one off meeting pops
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  up that you gotta take, then your family's gonna be more um gonna be okay with that because you've carved out the time consistently to spend with them.
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  I think
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  and there are there are times in business, you know, business is an ebb and flow and there are times in business where you've got to put extra time and extra effort into it.
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  And I think the key there is to balance that in to say, I'm gonna spend this extra time, therefore I'm gonna make extra effort to spend additional specific time with my spouse,
• 8:52
  with my kids, with my family, whatever that situation is.
• 8:57
  Yeah, it needs to be focused, not just I'm not gonna work between five and ten because I'm gonna sit in front of the T V with my spouse and kids, but you know, I'm not gonna work
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  after five or take phone calls so that I can go to their game and be and be present or go to the concert and be present or have dinner with them and be present.
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  Yeah, and the whole factor of dating, you know, we you and I've talked about this, you know, having a special time where you get away and you don't talk business, you just talk
• 9:22
  about each other, you just talk with each other.
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  And entrepreneurs, I'm just gonna speak to you real quickly.
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  Ask the deeper questions.
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  Don't be afraid of the answers.
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  Have those deeper questions.
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  Ask about their dreams and their goals.
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  If somebody's in a job doesn't mean they've given up their dreams and goals, they may be totally different.
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  They may not line up with your dreams and goals.
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  But that's where communication comes in.
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  And it's important to have those.
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  You can look up online what are 10 questions I can find to communicate to my spouse to help them understand that I really care about them as an entrepreneur.
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  And it's it's consistent effort.
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  It's not always easy, but it's consistent effort.
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  And we are Christians.
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  And most of the people listening to this podcast are Christians.
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  I think going to church and being committed to that is important.
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  And you and I, when we come back from church, we discuss what we learned in church.
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  That helps us strengthen each other.
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  It also gives us that point to have those communications about spiritual things, not just personal things.
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  So it seems less effort.
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  So the next question is from your perspective, how have you seen God work through I must say entrepreneurship and not just in entrepreneurship?
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  so we have a couple of different kinds of businesses.
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  I say we I count myself as a business owner even though I'm just married to one.
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  um One of those we have seen grow from three or four in attendance to a regular attendance of like thirty five to forty.
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  Uh so God
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  helping get the word out really to be honest with you.
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  Um, and then having those people show up.
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  And it's not always we there, I guess there's a core group of people who show up, but there's always guests.
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  There's always the word is getting out, people are coming, um, and it it's a it's a Christian group that talks about Christians in business.
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  And so it's really great to see God working through that in that.
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  I guess the question was more about through and not in.
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  Um
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  Getting the word out for that particular thing helps people realize how to how to put God in the life of their business.
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  And I think that's important because it's n you're not just Christians in business, you want God also in your business, not just in you.
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  And as an entrepreneur, you are a lot of times your business.
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  especially as you're getting it off the ground.
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  And so it sometimes they're very much not they're interchangeable.
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  Sometimes uh you don't know where you the entrepreneur stops and the business starts.
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  And so having God in that and working through that is the same as having God in and working through you.
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  we have a we have we do real estate as well.
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  we buy and sell houses
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  And it's God's work through us to be able to do that.
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  And the the lives and the families that we've touched as we rehab a house, as we sell that house, not only are we um making a house livable for the people who are going to buy it,
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  um, but we've enriched the lives of the people who have worked on it by providing them a job.
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  Uh we've been able to
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  improve the neighborhood because you usually take a a house that's not very pretty and make it pretty again.
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  And so the improvement to the neighborhood.
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  Um so God uses us through that to touch a lot of lives.
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  And I'm very grateful for that.
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  Yeah, one of the stories I told I think it was on my blog or my posts, Facebook or whatever, is I made two ladies cry in one day.
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  That was kind of my blog post.
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  But it was because we had we'd re revelop redeveloped this house and the people in the community had an emotional impact because of that reaction.
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  Because God and they knew God was part of it.
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  She said, We've been praying for somebody to come along and to do something with this house to impact our community, impact others, to be a good family here.
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  And it was just
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  powerful when God aligns directly into the work of the entrepreneur.
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  So the last bit of our podcast usually asks for business growth tips.
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  And we're not going to ask you for business growth tips because you may or may not have any.
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  Maybe you do.
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  I don't know.
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  Well, I mean I guess my business growth tip would be to continue to learn.
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  Um we can't you can't grow your business and you can't grow yourself if you're not in a position to learn or you're not your your mindset is not that of a learner.
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  And so reading attending conferences whatever however you choose to learn continue to learn.
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  And so as an entrepreneur, their business growth includes their personal growth, their growth at home.
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  What's some tips you would give an entrepreneur, something they should be doing to help their spouse in the process of understanding entrepreneurship?
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  Hmm.
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  Patience.
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  Um, because you you have this idea and you've been thinking about it and probably birthing it for a long time.
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  And this is the first time you've told your spouse, and they're probably not gonna be there, gonna be like out of the blue, what?
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  be patient, and be consistent in the communication about the idea, about the business.
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  That consistency is gonna help the spouse know that you're serious.
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  For one, it's not just this fly by night idea, um, that you're serious about it and that you wanna pursue it and that you want them on board.
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  And I would tell the entrepreneur to ask your spouse to pray for you and pray with and for them in their in their business.
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  Because again, back to you're growing as an entrepreneur in one direction, your spouse is growing in a different direction.
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  And there are places where you're gonna grow together and there's places where you're gonna grow separately, and that's totally fine.
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  That's part of relationships as a whole.
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  But if you're not including them in the process, the spiritual process, not just the the financial process and everything.
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  And don't be afraid to, I don't know.
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  Use your financial processes too.
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  Take those vacations and align your vacations with a with maybe a conference or something coming up and spend some of that time doing that so that it becomes a tax write-off.
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  You'll have to talk to your tax attorney, but it's not tax advice.
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  But if you have a really cool conference going on somewhere, go a day early or day after, depends on your s your situation and your tax bracket and whatever else all that is.
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  Talk to your CPA.
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  Um but utilize those things, bring your spouse along on the journey.
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  They don't have to be at everything you do, but bring them along so they can see.
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  When when Terza first came to some these conferences and she saw a hundred people doing what I was talking about doing, she's like, wait, this may be real.
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  And she made those connections.
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  So when I said, so and so, she's like, yeah, that person, I met them.
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  And it becomes real to them.
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  So let them see those people.
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  If you're an online business, you're doing something online, don't be afraid to show your spouse some Facebook posts to these people.
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  Here's the person I'm working with.
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  Let it become real to them so they feel like they're part of it.
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  Because there's nothing worse than being an entrepreneur and have all your dreams and everything and leaving your spouse behind.
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  That's the worst thing you do in your business.
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  Cause what happens there is you align with somebody else and it distorts your relationships.
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  So you want to make sure you align with your spouse.
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  In total propriety in everything you do.
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  Keep everything above board.
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  My wife has access to my cameras.
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  She has access to my social media.
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  She has access to my phone.
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  She has all those codes that she needs to have.
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  So if I ever have any problems, I as a matter of fact, when I clean my computer, I tell my wife, Do you want to come look at my computer?
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  She has full access to check anything she wants.
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  And she should.
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  She should have access to my bank accounts.
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  That's something I believe in wholeheartedly.
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  That as entrepreneurs, we need to be open and transparent, especially as Christian entrepreneurs.
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  Because we are built as stewards of God's kingdom.
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  We're stewards of God's money.
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  We're stewards of God's people.
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  We're stewards of God's dreams.
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  So as entrepreneurs, my encouragement to you is reach out to your spouse, text them right now before you get off here, unless you're driving.
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  If you're driving with you stop, text them and just tell them you love them.
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  Spend that time and remind them that they're loved.
• 17:46
  Every day I try to tell my wife I love her and I try to make her laugh in some way, shape, form, or fashion.
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  That's just corny, I know, but I do that.
• 17:54
  That's just weird.
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  Any last little tidbit of wisdoms you thought of while I was rambling, Teres?
• 17:58
  Uh no, I did not think of any tidbits of wisdom.
• 18:03
  Okay.
• 18:04
  Well that we'll leave it with that tidbit of wisdom.
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  Be a steward of God's family.
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  Be a steward of your spouse.
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  Take care of them.
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  Love them.
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  Cherish them.
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  Because God placed them in your life for a reason.
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  It may just be to sharpen you and make you a better you.
• 18:18
  So hope you've enjoyed our oddball podcast.
• 18:21
  Oddball for me, not for my wife.
• 18:23
  She's beautiful and wonderful.
• 18:25
  Thanks for being with me.
• 18:26
  I appreciate you.
• 18:28
  Bye.