Latest / QUESTION EVERYTHING / Mistaking Chaos for Love: Jeannie Mai on Healing + Becoming

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Mistaking Chaos for Love: Jeannie Mai on Healing + Becoming · QUESTION EVERYTHING

0:03
Speaker 1: No one has all the answers, but when we ask
0:05
Speaker 1: the right questions, we get a little closer, closer to truths,
0:11
Speaker 1: closer to each other, even closer to ourselves. I'm journalist
0:16
Speaker 1: Danielle Robe, and each week, my guests and I come
0:19
Speaker 1: together to challenge the status quo and our own ways
0:22
Speaker 1: of thinking by daring to ask what if, why not?
0:28
Speaker 1: And who says? So? Come curious, dig deep, and join
0:33
Speaker 1: the conversation. It's time to question everything. I'm not sure
0:41
Speaker 1: there's anything more powerful than a woman who's just done
0:44
Speaker 1: lying to herself, done pretending, done denying her reality. I
0:50
Speaker 1: feel like you know that moment. I've definitely felt it before,
0:53
Speaker 1: when pretending becomes more exhausting than telling the truth. And
0:58
Speaker 1: Jennie MII is living in that moment. Today we're sitting
1:04
Speaker 1: down with host, entrepreneur and mom Jeanie My someone you
1:09
Speaker 1: think you know, but just as MTV's Diary told us,
1:13
Speaker 1: you really have no idea. Jeanie's been on our TV
1:17
Speaker 1: for years. I loved her on the reel. She's smart
1:20
Speaker 1: and stylish and funny and famously unfiltered. But what we
1:24
Speaker 1: don't see is what it took to become her So
1:28
Speaker 1: in this conversation, we're going way beyond the public version
1:31
Speaker 1: of Genie, and we're digging into the story that no
1:34
Speaker 1: one has heard before, the story that shaped her.
1:37
Speaker 2: I would never wish an experience like that on any
1:40
Speaker 2: human being to go through, But when you go through it,
1:43
Speaker 2: that allows you to see the truth in people and
1:46
Speaker 2: the world. So the younger that you have to experience that,
1:51
Speaker 2: the earlier you have the opportunity to get.
1:53
Speaker 1: Those smart And while we are looking back, we're also
1:57
Speaker 1: looking forward to Janie's new era. In short, she has
2:01
Speaker 1: no interest in putting a filter on her life at all.
2:04
Speaker 1: She gets candid about her very public divorce, how it
2:07
Speaker 1: turns grief into armor, and what it takes to stop
2:10
Speaker 1: repeating the same patterns in love.
2:13
Speaker 3: The divorce is just experiencing death off.
2:16
Speaker 2: My biggest realization now is learning that I mistook intensity
2:24
Speaker 2: for intimacy.
2:25
Speaker 1: If you thought Genie was real on Daytime TV, wait
2:28
Speaker 1: until you hear this episode. The interview is funny and raw,
2:32
Speaker 1: and it'll make you question the survival skills that you've
2:35
Speaker 1: adopted to get through your toughest moments. I think one
2:39
Speaker 1: of the things that Genie taught me is that we're
2:41
Speaker 1: all holding on to some part of our past that
2:43
Speaker 1: once kept us safe, but really isn't meant to come
2:46
Speaker 1: with us into the next chapter. So the question we're
2:49
Speaker 1: circling today is how do you stop letting your past
2:52
Speaker 1: write your future? And how can we all work to
2:55
Speaker 1: become the person we want to be? Emphasis on becoming,
3:00
Speaker 1: It's time to question everything with Genie Mie. Genie, you
3:06
Speaker 1: posted recently that you have a new era loading. I
3:10
Speaker 1: want to talk about your old era for a second,
3:12
Speaker 1: because I've been watching you on TV four years. For
3:15
Speaker 1: those that don't know you, you're really a jack of
3:17
Speaker 1: all trades. You host, you cook, you're a stylist, you
3:20
Speaker 1: were a makeup artist. Can you make me feel better?
3:23
Speaker 1: What can you not do?
3:25
Speaker 2: What I can't do is your finances. I can help
3:27
Speaker 2: you make money, but I'm not going to help you
3:29
Speaker 2: keep it.
3:30
Speaker 3: I can help you.
3:30
Speaker 2: Invest, though I'm actually a really good investor too. You
3:33
Speaker 2: know what I'm not good at is keeping your passwords.
3:35
Speaker 2: I'm not going to remember your pastords. I'm also not
3:37
Speaker 2: going to remember your birthday. I give bomb gifts, but
3:40
Speaker 2: whenever I give a gift, I'm always like treasure this
3:42
Speaker 2: one because I might forget you next year. I have
3:45
Speaker 2: recently found out that I have ADHD, and it's been
3:48
Speaker 2: the greatest excuse but also like the hardest extra child.
3:53
Speaker 2: I feel like to learn and get to know because
3:56
Speaker 2: going through adult onset ADHD, verry, menopause, being a mom,
4:02
Speaker 2: and then just being Genie motherfucking my, there's so much
4:05
Speaker 2: that where there's just these holes. I feel like I'm
4:07
Speaker 2: constantly drywall, you know, like patching them like, oh I didn't.
4:10
Speaker 3: Know there was a whole there.
4:10
Speaker 2: Ooh there's a little step there I gotta fix. So
4:12
Speaker 2: like that in and of itself is like a lot
4:14
Speaker 2: of work. So I'm great at a lot of things,
4:18
Speaker 2: and then I'm also like a mess at dates. The
4:21
Speaker 2: good news is I'm really vomited at things that I
4:23
Speaker 2: care about, like being a great family member, being a
4:26
Speaker 2: great mom. I know, I got like five stars on
4:29
Speaker 2: Yelp for being a mom. My daughter would give me
4:32
Speaker 2: like reviews all day long telling me how good she
4:35
Speaker 2: feels about my mothering.
4:37
Speaker 3: So that's good. And you seem like you care so deeply.
4:40
Speaker 3: I do, I really do. Are you a Capricorn? I'm
4:43
Speaker 3: a Capricorn, yeah too? Are you really yeah?
4:46
Speaker 2: Most loyal signs on the block period full stops at me,
4:50
Speaker 2: like literally, try me. We will throw down for anybody
4:54
Speaker 2: that we love hard. We're super logical and grounded. You
4:58
Speaker 2: could have crazy moments, but like when it comes out
5:00
Speaker 2: in panic, we are the best sources to like come to.
5:04
Speaker 2: And I give birth to a Capricorn shoot and she's
5:07
Speaker 2: giving Capricorn vibes all day Monaco.
5:10
Speaker 3: Yeah, she's hardcore a Capricorn.
5:12
Speaker 2: She's about that direction, that plan that I itinerary, that schedule.
5:15
Speaker 2: She like wants things her way. She wants to know
5:17
Speaker 2: what's happening throughout the whole day. And I love it.
5:19
Speaker 2: I love seeing leadership polities. It's very attractive to me.
5:22
Speaker 2: Now's my job to make sure it's like harnessed.
5:25
Speaker 3: Well. So we're not getting tramp stamps at age twelve,
5:27
Speaker 3: like somebody I know. We're trying to figure out, like
5:29
Speaker 3: what are the boundaries.
5:30
Speaker 1: Yes, the tram stamp at age twelve is wild. Yes,
5:34
Speaker 1: I've heard a lot of belly button pierces, but tramp
5:36
Speaker 1: stamps are a whole level.
5:38
Speaker 2: I had a tram stamp by the age of twelve,
5:40
Speaker 2: and then I had a belly tattoo and a piercing
5:43
Speaker 2: by like thirteen fourteen.
5:46
Speaker 1: You were your own woman early on. It seems. Yes,
5:48
Speaker 1: I read this rumor that you learned how to do
5:51
Speaker 1: makeup at a strip club. Yeah, so tell me that story.
5:53
Speaker 2: That's why we need to give this story context, because
5:55
Speaker 2: now it sounded like this girl's coming out of like nowhere.
5:58
Speaker 3: Okay. So I was born in San Jose, California.
6:01
Speaker 2: If you know San Jose aka the Bay, it's a
6:04
Speaker 2: very flavorful.
6:05
Speaker 3: City that is not what it looks like now.
6:08
Speaker 2: Back then, it was all about middle income families, primarily Mexican, Black, Indian, Pakistani,
6:17
Speaker 2: heavy Latino I already said Mexican but like heavy Latino vibe,
6:20
Speaker 2: and Vietnamese, an influx of like Vietnamese refugee families coming.
6:24
Speaker 3: In, all hustling to make it.
6:26
Speaker 2: So what I was surrounded by were just gritty family
6:30
Speaker 2: members who.
6:30
Speaker 3: All took care of each other.
6:32
Speaker 2: Came up not really like the strongest communication skills, because
6:35
Speaker 2: you have a lot of like old school grandparents that
6:39
Speaker 2: are just watching the kids, parents that are out there,
6:41
Speaker 2: you know, trying to make a dollar fifteen cents. I
6:43
Speaker 2: didn't get a sense of me until I was about fifteen,
6:48
Speaker 2: around nine to thirteen, I had some hardship in my household.
6:52
Speaker 3: There was some sexual abuse.
6:53
Speaker 2: And my mom and I had a falling out because
6:55
Speaker 2: we didn't have a good communication about this situation.
6:59
Speaker 3: So I left the house.
7:00
Speaker 2: And when I left around fourteen, I moved to San Francisco,
7:04
Speaker 2: so I couchsurfed and then I lived in the tenderloin
7:06
Speaker 2: out around fifteen years old, and this was one of
7:10
Speaker 2: the most hard awakenings of what real world was like,
7:14
Speaker 2: but also the most lit because I lived with two
7:17
Speaker 2: working drag queens that were like incredible, and they basically
7:21
Speaker 2: took me in and taught me how to stand on
7:23
Speaker 2: my own two feet.
7:24
Speaker 3: How to walk a certain way in Frisco so that
7:26
Speaker 3: you're not getting.
7:27
Speaker 2: Hit up, how to really learn to communicate with people
7:31
Speaker 2: so that you're not taken for one thing. Because I've
7:33
Speaker 2: always been like a very bright and bubbly, energetic person,
7:37
Speaker 2: but that can come off as naive and young. But
7:39
Speaker 2: the truth was I was naive and I was young.
7:41
Speaker 2: So I'm over here trying to wear like, you know,
7:43
Speaker 2: big alligator teeth when I really was over here like
7:46
Speaker 2: a little baby lizard. But I went to this club
7:48
Speaker 2: that was kind of near ten fifteen fulsome you know.
7:51
Speaker 2: But I worked for the first time at sixteen, being
7:54
Speaker 2: a makeup artist for all of the dancers and the
7:57
Speaker 2: performers from sixteen till above twenty. And it was incredible
8:02
Speaker 2: because I was able to make my own wage, Like
8:04
Speaker 2: I named my price. If somebody was going full throttle
8:06
Speaker 2: and having different costume changes throughout the night, I.
8:09
Speaker 3: Was charging for it. The girls were paying me cash.
8:12
Speaker 2: I was learning so much about the night lights and women,
8:16
Speaker 2: Like I really learned about femininity and the power that
8:18
Speaker 2: we have between these women who took me in as
8:21
Speaker 2: these sisters. And I also learned about inclusivity and identity
8:26
Speaker 2: through my gaze and my queen's Like it was a
8:29
Speaker 2: really beautiful time to be a girl turning into a woman.
8:33
Speaker 2: And I think that's where I got my work ethic.
8:35
Speaker 2: I think that those individuals taught me so much about
8:37
Speaker 2: who Genie Mai is, what being in the bay is from,
8:40
Speaker 2: and what does it mean and what it takes to
8:43
Speaker 2: have a dollar in your pocket. Genie, I didn't know
8:46
Speaker 2: that story. I can't believe how much you had been
8:48
Speaker 2: through by the time we turned fifteen. Yeah, it was
8:51
Speaker 2: a lot, and you know what's crazy is I think
8:52
Speaker 2: I saw a lot differently than maybe most little girls
8:56
Speaker 2: needed to or could see, you know.
8:59
Speaker 1: I remember it was just very vivid when you look
9:02
Speaker 1: at Monaco. Yeah, like it must make you think about
9:05
Speaker 1: young Jeanie so differently.
9:07
Speaker 2: Yeah, and you know what she is me, it's crazy
9:11
Speaker 2: when you see her. She's fiery, she's whimsical, she notices everything,
9:15
Speaker 2: and I think all kids are super intelligent, right, but
9:18
Speaker 2: I see a different type of Most people would call
9:21
Speaker 2: it street sense, but it would be weird to say
9:23
Speaker 2: because she's not been on the streets. But she's got
9:25
Speaker 2: a different intuition with people that is vivid. She's been
9:30
Speaker 2: here before, and I think that's a lot of me
9:31
Speaker 2: that comes out in her. I actually remember, like when
9:34
Speaker 2: I was a kid and then when I turned into like,
9:36
Speaker 2: oh now I'm.
9:37
Speaker 1: A girl like I was.
9:39
Speaker 2: I remember it because of my sexual abuse. I would
9:43
Speaker 2: never wish an experience like that on any human.
9:45
Speaker 3: Being to go through. But when you go through it, it shed.
9:49
Speaker 2: Something from your entire lens that allows you to see
9:55
Speaker 2: the truth in people and the world. So the younger
9:58
Speaker 2: that you have to experience that, the earlier you have
10:02
Speaker 2: the opportunity to get really smart.
10:04
Speaker 3: I'm so sorry, thank you. Yeah, it's something that's so
10:08
Speaker 3: broad always feels rough to rekindle.
10:11
Speaker 1: I was looking through your very vast resume, and I
10:15
Speaker 1: was like, you had single mom energy before you were
10:17
Speaker 1: a single mom, Like.
10:18
Speaker 3: You think, so what a single mom energy to you?
10:21
Speaker 1: Does it all like independence stands on her own two feet, Yeah,
10:25
Speaker 1: wears a million hats.
10:27
Speaker 3: Yeah, that's true, and like does.
10:28
Speaker 1: It with a great look right right? You know, like
10:31
Speaker 1: at LWK, do you think your hustle came from the
10:35
Speaker 1: need based hustle that you were talking about or was
10:38
Speaker 1: it like a work ethic your mom instilled in you,
10:41
Speaker 1: because like even to this day, like your friends will say, like,
10:44
Speaker 1: Jimmie works so hard.
10:46
Speaker 2: Yes, I think that it came from a little bit
10:48
Speaker 2: of mom, of my my mom, and a little bit
10:51
Speaker 2: of my culture being Vietnamese. I mean, like every single
10:53
Speaker 2: Vietnamese person, there's not one that you'll see sitting around
10:56
Speaker 2: on Christmas Day not working because we all came here
10:59
Speaker 2: as refugees.
11:00
Speaker 3: Built into our backbone.
11:01
Speaker 4: Boom.
11:01
Speaker 2: My mom immigrated here when she was seventeen years old
11:04
Speaker 2: and had me at nineteen. You know, so I remember
11:07
Speaker 2: going into my mom's workplace and she didn't speak English.
11:11
Speaker 2: There was like a fifty million of these little boards
11:13
Speaker 2: going by. She was just moving, like a tiny little
11:15
Speaker 2: red plastic thing on the board, and she was just
11:17
Speaker 2: doing assembly line work. But she had such a personality
11:20
Speaker 2: and such a zeal for people and this energy.
11:24
Speaker 1: She was made for the internet.
11:25
Speaker 3: One dred percent.
11:26
Speaker 1: Yes, yeah.
11:27
Speaker 2: But she applied for a job to get higher paid
11:30
Speaker 2: because she realized that what she was making was like
11:32
Speaker 2: single digits. It was like maybe six seventy five or something,
11:34
Speaker 2: and the girl that was working at the front desk
11:36
Speaker 2: was making ten twenty five I think ten twenty five
11:40
Speaker 2: to be the front desk perceptionist. And she found that
11:42
Speaker 2: out because the girl told her that she was leaning,
11:45
Speaker 2: she was moving. So she said, they're going to be hiring.
11:47
Speaker 2: She put in a resume. It came to the front
11:49
Speaker 2: put in a resume and they didn't accept her and
11:52
Speaker 2: they told her that she wasn't qualified. She took me
11:54
Speaker 2: to Mervin's and Judy's. She put together a dope outfit.
11:58
Speaker 2: Sinched her way stuff. I have like this cute little
12:01
Speaker 2: hat yo. She looked like a cast member from All's Fair.
12:04
Speaker 3: It was not right.
12:05
Speaker 2: It was mad cute, and she put it together, and
12:07
Speaker 2: there I was walking in. I sat in the waiting room,
12:10
Speaker 2: and she came in and she submitted the same resume
12:12
Speaker 2: and she got the job. So she literally didn't even
12:15
Speaker 2: check out of her old assembly job, just didn't show
12:17
Speaker 2: up again. They were just like, oh, we don't know
12:18
Speaker 2: where that woman is and came in the front and
12:20
Speaker 2: then named herself Olivia because she loved Olivia Newton John
12:24
Speaker 2: and became Olivia. My likes that amazing watory, you know
12:27
Speaker 2: what I mean, That's what I was like watching at
12:28
Speaker 2: seven years old.
12:29
Speaker 3: So I only know how to work.
12:31
Speaker 2: I only know how to work for me, like meaning
12:34
Speaker 2: work hard to constantly prove myself to me, not to
12:38
Speaker 2: anybody else.
12:39
Speaker 1: Is it hard to take that kind of grit and
12:43
Speaker 1: continue moving to like the next level of things, because
12:46
Speaker 1: sometimes I find that the things that got me to
12:49
Speaker 1: a certain place are.
12:50
Speaker 3: Not useful in the next stratosphere.
12:52
Speaker 2: Yeah.
12:52
Speaker 3: Absolutely.
12:53
Speaker 2: I mean they say if a cat dreams to become
12:56
Speaker 2: a lion, it's got to lose his appetite for rats,
12:58
Speaker 2: Like you've got to remember what that felt like to
13:01
Speaker 2: have what used to have before, and then what does
13:03
Speaker 2: it feel like to taste something that's smarter, more evolved,
13:08
Speaker 2: more challenging. Like that is a good taste to have
13:10
Speaker 2: in your mouth, you know.
13:11
Speaker 3: I like that.
13:12
Speaker 2: I am addicted to feeling like I've grown out of something,
13:15
Speaker 2: Like I want to feel like, Okay, what's the next
13:17
Speaker 2: new thing. And it's very different from just being bored
13:20
Speaker 2: because something feels standard. It's not that, it's more of
13:23
Speaker 2: like being addicted to like the challenge of growing and
13:27
Speaker 2: seeing yourself that shed new and new heights.
13:30
Speaker 3: That's what I love.
13:31
Speaker 1: That's cool.
13:31
Speaker 3: Yeah.
13:32
Speaker 1: I was listening to Armchair Expert and Brelson was saying
13:35
Speaker 1: she worked kind of from a young age. Yeah, and
13:39
Speaker 1: she always worked at this insane pace, and then when
13:42
Speaker 1: she ascended to a certain part of her career, she
13:45
Speaker 1: was like, I had to let go of certain things.
13:48
Speaker 1: I couldn't take every job. I couldn't like be the
13:51
Speaker 1: same hustler I was. It wasn't serving me. And I
13:54
Speaker 1: was like, I never thought about that. For actors, I.
13:56
Speaker 2: Think that's what's so beautiful about life. I've recently realized
14:01
Speaker 2: that sometimes we go through life describing ourselves a certain
14:05
Speaker 2: way that we think is our personality, but sometimes that's
14:08
Speaker 2: actually patterns that to me become expired survival skills. You know,
14:15
Speaker 2: you think, oh, I don't like people, But really that's
14:18
Speaker 2: a pattern of you just being avoidant, you know.
14:20
Speaker 3: And so that survival.
14:22
Speaker 2: Skill where you needed to be avoidant, maybe because your
14:24
Speaker 2: household was chaotic or I don't know what it would
14:26
Speaker 2: be to make you think that's your way. But once
14:28
Speaker 2: you go into an environment where you grow, hopefully to
14:30
Speaker 2: an environment that's a little bit more accepting or warm
14:33
Speaker 2: or safe, then all of a sudden, you're like, not
14:35
Speaker 2: so avoidant anymore.
14:36
Speaker 1: Now you like you so well said.
14:37
Speaker 2: Now you like, all of a sudden want to have
14:39
Speaker 2: dinners with people, and you say yes to going out.
14:41
Speaker 2: You were never avoidant to begin with. You just had
14:43
Speaker 2: a survival skill that you outgrew. That's really well said.
14:46
Speaker 1: I love that you posted on social you said, somewhere
14:49
Speaker 1: along the way, divorced forty six year old single mom
14:51
Speaker 1: became the whole intro sentence people use for me. So
14:54
Speaker 1: let's talk about it. Will you talk about it? How
14:56
Speaker 1: do you feel about the labeling in those titles? Yeah?
15:00
Speaker 3: I think, I mean it's so cliche.
15:01
Speaker 2: We all say, you know, the labels, but on the
15:03
Speaker 2: real like, labels are super damaging because they give you
15:09
Speaker 2: your headline instead of your whole story. Labels can be
15:14
Speaker 2: very critical without intention to. Like when you say divorced,
15:19
Speaker 2: it means, oh, damn, is she damaged?
15:21
Speaker 3: Goods? Is she crazy? When you stay single, it's like,
15:25
Speaker 3: who doesn't want her? She rejected?
15:27
Speaker 2: When you say forty six, it's like my got her
15:29
Speaker 2: clock is sticking, even though I never set that fucking clock,
15:32
Speaker 2: you know. So it's like, these categories are not at
15:36
Speaker 2: all describing what you've survived, what you chose to opt
15:41
Speaker 2: out of, how you got here, what you accomplished, you know,
15:46
Speaker 2: what it took to become forty six, you know, like
15:49
Speaker 2: those things are left out of this label. And so
15:52
Speaker 2: I think that the one thing I've learned now, wearing
15:55
Speaker 2: like these imaginary post it notes of being divorced, forty
15:59
Speaker 2: six single with a toddler, I feel like if I
16:02
Speaker 2: had to choose a label, it would be becoming. I
16:04
Speaker 2: am becoming the version of me I want to be.
16:07
Speaker 2: I am becoming what the understanding of what I know
16:11
Speaker 2: is like, You're constantly becoming. That's okay, that's like a
16:14
Speaker 2: beautiful definition.
16:16
Speaker 3: To being human.
16:17
Speaker 1: Yeah, you know, you know, it's interesting listening because my
16:22
Speaker 1: assumption before you answered that question was like, I think
16:25
Speaker 1: people share those labels because they're relatable, because yeah, a
16:28
Speaker 1: lot of people are forty six and divorced and single
16:32
Speaker 1: and with a toddler. Yes, but hearing you just describe
16:36
Speaker 1: even the beginning of your journey, and there's a lot
16:38
Speaker 1: you haven't even shared, I'm sure. I don't know if
16:41
Speaker 1: I'm projecting. It must feel kind of hurtful. It's like
16:43
Speaker 1: I'm so many other things. Yes, of course, you know.
16:47
Speaker 2: The other major rule on top of all of this,
16:50
Speaker 2: I think one of the important things that we learn
16:52
Speaker 2: in life besides like self regulation and being on time,
16:55
Speaker 2: but we also should learn about not taking things personally.
17:00
Speaker 2: Like that's the ultimate goal is at the end of
17:02
Speaker 2: the day, whatever he did to you, whatever that company
17:05
Speaker 2: did to you, whatever you did to yourself at that
17:07
Speaker 2: time in your life, don't take it personally because everybody's
17:10
Speaker 2: going through something and you just become a speck in
17:12
Speaker 2: the journey of it happening, you know, So when I
17:15
Speaker 2: hear it, I don't take it personally. Like if someone's like,
17:17
Speaker 2: oh my god, are you divorced, or like you're single too?
17:20
Speaker 3: Or am I god on for six? No, it's actually
17:22
Speaker 3: for me.
17:23
Speaker 2: I'm really proud of having survived what I've gone through
17:27
Speaker 2: to make those decisions to be where I am. And
17:30
Speaker 2: then I'm also proud of what I'm understanding of what
17:33
Speaker 2: led me to the decisions it resulted in where I
17:35
Speaker 2: didn't want. The work is in me, Like you can
17:37
Speaker 2: say whatever labels you want, but at the end of
17:39
Speaker 2: the day, the work is mine to define what that
17:42
Speaker 2: means when people say that.
17:43
Speaker 3: So when you say it to me, yeah, there was
17:44
Speaker 3: a time where I was like, yeah, I was divorced. God,
17:47
Speaker 3: is that all you want to talk about?
17:48
Speaker 2: You know, there is that, But then now there's a
17:50
Speaker 2: day that I'm like, yeah, I am divorced and I'm
17:53
Speaker 2: learning what that means. And also the peace and the
17:57
Speaker 2: space and the solitude that I have right now that
17:59
Speaker 2: I never would have had before is really enriching.
18:03
Speaker 3: So how's it for you?
18:04
Speaker 2: At the end of the day, we all got to
18:05
Speaker 2: do our own work, do your own fucking work, you know,
18:08
Speaker 2: and it'll just be a lot more peaceful as we
18:10
Speaker 2: all figure out the right ways to regard each other.
18:13
Speaker 1: Is there a label you consider a flex.
18:14
Speaker 3: The becoming one? For sure?
18:16
Speaker 2: I think becoming is one of the most empowering even
18:19
Speaker 2: just that like it gives you a sense of relief
18:21
Speaker 2: to know that you can become and you're constantly becoming.
18:24
Speaker 2: And I also think the other one that I'm constantly like, yes,
18:27
Speaker 2: it's the label of being a mom.
18:29
Speaker 1: That's like, no, I can tell you really love it.
18:32
Speaker 2: I love like I really am obsessed with being a mom,
18:37
Speaker 2: Like the way I have situated being a mom in
18:40
Speaker 2: the middle of every other thing, just to make sure
18:44
Speaker 2: this little girl doesn't grow up with the hardship. You know.
18:47
Speaker 2: I don't want to say that I do want her
18:48
Speaker 2: to have hardship, but I don't want her to have
18:50
Speaker 2: unnecessary chaos, you know. And the way that I've learned
18:54
Speaker 2: my journey, the way that I've owned my labels to
18:57
Speaker 2: be able to turn around and make sure that she
19:00
Speaker 2: is not going to have to endure the hot messes
19:03
Speaker 2: that I didn't know because I didn't understand people, pain, trauma,
19:08
Speaker 2: all these things. I just want her to understand it
19:10
Speaker 2: so that she's ready. I'm building her helmet because it's
19:13
Speaker 2: all gonna still happen, it's all still capable of happening.
19:16
Speaker 2: I can never protect her enough to make sure that
19:18
Speaker 2: she has a perfect life. And it's not that I
19:20
Speaker 2: want that, but I want her to have a helmet
19:22
Speaker 2: in the tools.
19:22
Speaker 4: Yeah, and that's my job to give her.
19:35
Speaker 1: The word chaos. You wrote on social that you mistook
19:38
Speaker 1: chaos for love. Yes, what part of you was drawn
19:41
Speaker 1: to the chaos?
19:42
Speaker 3: It's a big one.
19:43
Speaker 2: I think that my biggest realization now is learning that
19:51
Speaker 2: I mistook intensity for intimacy. I've learned that, like if
19:56
Speaker 2: your inner volume, or your inner understand of your household,
20:01
Speaker 2: the dialogue between you and your parents or your caretakers,
20:04
Speaker 2: if all of it was tumultuous or like erratic.
20:08
Speaker 3: There's this thing called the acees in therapy.
20:10
Speaker 2: It's a crazy checklist of like all the things that
20:13
Speaker 2: can bring you potential trauma or dysregulation relationships.
20:19
Speaker 3: It's a really goodness to understand.
20:21
Speaker 2: If you have any of those things, you're probably going
20:23
Speaker 2: to be capable of being attracted to chreous lad on girl.
20:26
Speaker 2: I had every box ticked, every single one of them. Incarceration, abuse,
20:31
Speaker 2: sexual abuse, alcohol, physical abuse, domestic violence. I have a
20:36
Speaker 2: beautiful family that loves deep. They are still like my rocks.
20:40
Speaker 2: But again, when you have generations that don't know how
20:43
Speaker 2: to communicate and how to handle frustration or handle breakage
20:47
Speaker 2: and things like that. It can pass down to how
20:49
Speaker 2: we communicate with each other. So I think that today
20:54
Speaker 2: I've learned that when you're single, this is one thing
20:57
Speaker 2: I would tell the Monaco. Those moments that you're single
21:00
Speaker 2: are going to be hands down the most prized pieces
21:03
Speaker 2: of land you could possibly inherit. It's literally like a
21:07
Speaker 2: physical land that allows you to just air out, open up,
21:12
Speaker 2: create your personal space. I don't care if you live
21:13
Speaker 2: in a studio closet apartment or if you live in
21:17
Speaker 2: like your own shared space with somebody, But however you're single,
21:21
Speaker 2: it's your responsibility to allow your brain to run with
21:24
Speaker 2: the ideas, the visions, the thoughts, the pains, the sorrows,
21:28
Speaker 2: the guilt, let it all run rabid, because when you're
21:30
Speaker 2: in a relationship, your mind's almost like half of that
21:33
Speaker 2: space is taken up. And it's not a bad thing.
21:35
Speaker 3: It's beautiful.
21:35
Speaker 2: It's beautiful when you find that partner where you guys
21:37
Speaker 2: can like share it and co exist in between. But
21:40
Speaker 2: when you don't like treasure that time because you get
21:42
Speaker 2: to know yourself so well and when you build everything
21:47
Speaker 2: you love about your empire, whether it's career wise or
21:50
Speaker 2: just mentally, it feels so comfortable and goosh that when
21:53
Speaker 2: somebody comes in they should be able to add to it,
21:56
Speaker 2: not at all exchange any of your piece.
21:59
Speaker 3: And I didn't know that.
22:00
Speaker 2: I exchanged a lot of my personal space in my
22:04
Speaker 2: head and my heart for love because I love love.
22:08
Speaker 2: And the next thing I know, I'm performing and living
22:12
Speaker 2: before the relationship and that person then myself and that's
22:15
Speaker 2: something I.
22:15
Speaker 3: Have to deal with. That's my own thing that I'm
22:17
Speaker 3: learning to work on, you know.
22:19
Speaker 2: But in the time, in the moment, it feels hute,
22:21
Speaker 2: it feels sexy, it feels like a couple of goals,
22:23
Speaker 2: It feels all these things that aren't really who you
22:26
Speaker 2: are unless you were single enough long enough to know it.
22:29
Speaker 3: You know, I really am taking in what you said.
22:31
Speaker 1: I'm thirty five and single, yeah, and I feel the
22:35
Speaker 1: societal pressures and also the time I've spent alone has
22:40
Speaker 1: made me so much stronger.
22:41
Speaker 4: Oh.
22:42
Speaker 3: I don't know that there's a right way to do it,
22:43
Speaker 3: but I do value it.
22:44
Speaker 2: I love that you actually picture and feel that you
22:47
Speaker 2: really feel that I do. Most of my thirty five
22:50
Speaker 2: year old friends who I can only say so much
22:52
Speaker 2: because you've got to see it. I know this sounds
22:55
Speaker 2: so like surfacey okay.
22:57
Speaker 1: But go with me on this.
22:58
Speaker 2: Do you remember like back in the day when we
23:00
Speaker 2: used to like wear our blush like maybe here or here,
23:05
Speaker 2: and then we used to love a big old, thick
23:07
Speaker 2: goudie lash and we used to do our makeup differently.
23:09
Speaker 2: When you look back at that old makeup, there's a
23:11
Speaker 2: reason why you've grown from it, and it looks different
23:14
Speaker 2: for me because you've seen different ways of blend and
23:16
Speaker 2: different ways to use the beauty blender, and different ways
23:18
Speaker 2: to like shape your face or whatever, like totally. So
23:21
Speaker 2: it's exactly that you need to get into that lens
23:23
Speaker 2: to be able to see what I'm talking about. If
23:25
Speaker 2: you're in your singleness chasing the dates and like living
23:28
Speaker 2: on your ria or whatever it is, and like trying
23:30
Speaker 2: to find this next cuffing season that you want to
23:33
Speaker 2: jump into, you're not going to see it, right. But
23:35
Speaker 2: if you actually like experiment with new ways to see yourself,
23:39
Speaker 2: when you look back, you look like that old makeup
23:41
Speaker 2: where you're like, oh no, I understand what it's like
23:43
Speaker 2: now to be in my new skin. And when somebody
23:45
Speaker 2: comes it should still feel that same vibration, just like
23:48
Speaker 2: a little excel sprinkle on top. There might be a
23:50
Speaker 2: little sacrifice, like oh, if they live far, you might
23:54
Speaker 2: have to go and see them differently, or you might
23:56
Speaker 2: have to like give up your.
23:57
Speaker 3: Friday nights and your socks and Netflix.
23:58
Speaker 2: Sure, but you guys still replace it somewhere so that
24:01
Speaker 2: you keep those things mainstay.
24:02
Speaker 3: I remember I was reading in like a Oh, it
24:05
Speaker 3: was the Gotmans. I love the Godments.
24:06
Speaker 2: They're like a right, there's such a beautiful source of
24:09
Speaker 2: like marriage wisdom, at least for me. And one of
24:11
Speaker 2: them they were saying, is like when you get married,
24:15
Speaker 2: you need to take an analysis of like what things
24:18
Speaker 2: made you feel good? What amount of time alone, what
24:21
Speaker 2: amount of time with your friends, what amount of time
24:24
Speaker 2: working made you feel good? And they should be healthy, right,
24:27
Speaker 2: And how can you still allow yourself to rotate those
24:30
Speaker 2: in your new relationship because the second you become enmeshed
24:34
Speaker 2: with each other, it becomes a codependency. There's parts of
24:37
Speaker 2: it that can grow unhealthy and then you lose a
24:39
Speaker 2: sense of yourself and who's getting the blame, you know, So,
24:42
Speaker 2: like what you're doing right now is so bomb member
24:46
Speaker 2: to document, Like how much of these things felt so good?
24:49
Speaker 3: Like for me that little morning time.
24:52
Speaker 2: Like if I get it before Monica gets up, or
24:54
Speaker 2: that time after she goes to bed, it's so precious
24:56
Speaker 2: and it's like one hour, but I need that. I
24:59
Speaker 2: need for everybody comes over or even glam comes over.
25:03
Speaker 2: Let me get settled into my thoughts, last minute stuff
25:06
Speaker 2: on the phone, any little thoughts to finish, and then
25:08
Speaker 2: I'm good, you know, So give yourself that.
25:10
Speaker 1: Thank you as somebody who because you were married previously, yeah,
25:15
Speaker 1: single married single, Yeah, as someone who got married later
25:19
Speaker 1: in life, what was the hardest thing for you about
25:23
Speaker 1: going from independent to in a relationship? Was it the
25:27
Speaker 1: time working?
25:28
Speaker 3: Was it? Like?
25:29
Speaker 1: What was the thing for you?
25:30
Speaker 2: So my first marriage, I got married at twenty six,
25:33
Speaker 2: and for me that was too early.
25:36
Speaker 3: But I stayed for ten years. And I don't want
25:38
Speaker 3: to say stay.
25:38
Speaker 2: I was married for ten years and we eventually grew apart.
25:42
Speaker 2: But that part of my life was really learning marriage
25:48
Speaker 2: and being committed as his wife and like how do
25:50
Speaker 2: I make this work? And we had two very completely
25:53
Speaker 2: different lives and all these things, but we just grew apart.
25:56
Speaker 3: It literally was.
25:57
Speaker 2: Just that because as you know, at the age of
25:59
Speaker 2: thirty five, it's a very different time in a woman's
26:02
Speaker 2: life than anything in your twenties. And so I was
26:06
Speaker 2: only single at thirty five for like maybe a year
26:09
Speaker 2: or so I got into my next relationship. So taking
26:12
Speaker 2: from my own advice, I never really got to be
26:14
Speaker 2: single since I was like in my early twenties.
26:18
Speaker 3: So that's why this moment is Disneyland for me.
26:20
Speaker 1: Since you've experienced divorce without kids and then with kids,
26:24
Speaker 1: I'm curious which one feels harder.
26:27
Speaker 2: Divorce is heartbreaking no matter what. It's one of the
26:30
Speaker 2: greatest pains that any human has to endure, honestly, and
26:34
Speaker 2: I'm sure there's many people who can.
26:35
Speaker 3: Tell me, oh my god, are you kidding girl? Like
26:37
Speaker 3: I love much words.
26:38
Speaker 2: There's that side too, But you just never wish for it,
26:41
Speaker 2: you know, you never wish to corrupt something that's so
26:46
Speaker 2: planned and intentioned to be forever.
26:48
Speaker 3: Right.
26:48
Speaker 2: That's like a huge pressure. At the same time, divorce
26:52
Speaker 2: is also the greatest awakening, So it's like, would you
26:55
Speaker 2: rather be sleeping so peacefully and never feel the awakening?
26:59
Speaker 2: I can't tell everybody that, no, but it's not to
27:01
Speaker 2: deny that it's not heartbreaking. It's absolutely both, so children aside.
27:07
Speaker 2: I was heartbroken both for me and the partner in
27:11
Speaker 2: many different fragments, like imagining a vase just shadowing.
27:16
Speaker 3: There's no way to put together the pieces.
27:18
Speaker 2: At the same time, I actually thank God for this
27:21
Speaker 2: all the time. I am so lucky that Monaco was
27:24
Speaker 2: only one when this happened. So she's not going to
27:28
Speaker 2: remember what that turmoil was like, and she's not going
27:31
Speaker 2: to like that's not something I want her to ever
27:34
Speaker 2: have to think about. My job is to define peace
27:37
Speaker 2: for her, so she's going to get that. But I
27:40
Speaker 2: can't imagine for parents. I have so many parents that
27:43
Speaker 2: have kids and they're going through divorce and they all
27:47
Speaker 2: feel it.
27:47
Speaker 3: It's a wreckage on everybody. So I think the.
27:50
Speaker 2: Majority is going to say, you know, with children, it's harder,
27:53
Speaker 2: but divorce is just experiencing death alive.
27:57
Speaker 1: Everybody I talked to that has been through it says
28:00
Speaker 1: that same thing.
28:01
Speaker 3: Yes, I have not even married, so I.
28:03
Speaker 1: Haven't been through the first part, but I think for
28:05
Speaker 1: someone who has been, it's hard to even understand the
28:09
Speaker 1: depths of it.
28:10
Speaker 2: I'm so glad that instead of yesing me to death
28:14
Speaker 2: or like agreeing like that you would admit that because
28:18
Speaker 2: there's no.
28:18
Speaker 3: Way to understand it.
28:20
Speaker 2: There's no way to understand that feeling of space shared
28:26
Speaker 2: with somebody and all of a sudden closing in to
28:29
Speaker 2: where you even wonder if you can trust yourself and
28:32
Speaker 2: your thoughts, because one day you had a plan and
28:35
Speaker 2: you had these thoughts and then it suddenly it becomes
28:37
Speaker 2: something else. There's also the not knowing every day because
28:42
Speaker 2: divorce does this inhumane thing that forces you to then
28:49
Speaker 2: protect yourself to get what you need from the divorce.
28:52
Speaker 3: That's so well said.
28:53
Speaker 1: I haven't heard anybody say that it's the worst because
28:55
Speaker 1: you like survival thought.
28:57
Speaker 2: Yes, you literally have to check your grief and put
28:59
Speaker 2: it on your hard hat and go right into I'm
29:02
Speaker 2: going to fight for everything I got. I'm going to
29:04
Speaker 2: fight for everything I deserve. And it's like the worst transition.
29:07
Speaker 2: It requires ego, it requires selfishness, It requires these things
29:13
Speaker 2: to protect yourself that like I never ever want to
29:17
Speaker 2: have to worry about in order to know that I'm okay,
29:20
Speaker 2: you know, And at the same time, like I don't
29:22
Speaker 2: want to tell people like whild you never get married
29:25
Speaker 2: so that you don't have to experience divorce because marriage
29:27
Speaker 2: is also so sacred and beautiful. I'm so thankful to
29:30
Speaker 2: have so many healthy marriages around me that I still
29:33
Speaker 2: celebrate and want more years.
29:36
Speaker 3: To come for them.
29:37
Speaker 2: And I'm never going to regret that I got married
29:40
Speaker 2: because I'm so thankful to have experienced love in so
29:44
Speaker 2: many different ways.
29:45
Speaker 3: Now, I just have to instead of.
29:46
Speaker 2: Experiencing love, because I've got that down, I have to
29:49
Speaker 2: define what healthy love looks like for me.
29:52
Speaker 3: But that first starts with me.
29:54
Speaker 2: There's no other way that I'm going to go find
29:57
Speaker 2: like these bios and this recommendation and these line dates to.
30:01
Speaker 3: Tell me what healthy love looks like for me. Like
30:03
Speaker 3: we're all a perfect key.
30:05
Speaker 2: We've got little holes and dents from things that have
30:07
Speaker 2: happened in our life, and we've got these perfect gramts
30:10
Speaker 2: to fit in what we need because we've built to
30:13
Speaker 2: where we are now. So when you find that match,
30:16
Speaker 2: it's a beautiful thing. But always remember, like uniquely that
30:19
Speaker 2: key first. That's such a beautiful center that, Kamie. I
30:23
Speaker 2: love how you put that. I will never give up
30:25
Speaker 2: on love, and I love that there's so many ways
30:27
Speaker 2: to find it besides just being in love with someone else.
30:30
Speaker 1: Would you get married again. I would.
30:32
Speaker 2: I actually would, because I really don't want to ever
30:35
Speaker 2: put a block on myself. You can never put a
30:37
Speaker 2: container around love. You can never say like, oh, I'm
30:40
Speaker 2: only going to find love.
30:41
Speaker 3: If I'm saying I'm.
30:42
Speaker 2: Never going to get married again, it just feels like
30:44
Speaker 2: it's a block for me. For me, I enjoy what
30:46
Speaker 2: love brings. I enjoy watching two humans come together and
30:51
Speaker 2: release their guard and just become like their childlike versions
30:55
Speaker 2: of what they hope love to be. That's like such
30:57
Speaker 2: a beautiful, special privilege place to reach somebody. So it
31:02
Speaker 2: sucks when it breaks and then it turns ugly and
31:04
Speaker 2: foul and all the things, and the bird book comes
31:05
Speaker 2: out like that sucks.
31:07
Speaker 3: But when you meet that.
31:08
Speaker 2: Person's heart, like we're supposed to take care of it
31:10
Speaker 2: and leave it better than it was. And I haven't
31:12
Speaker 2: learned how to do that, but I do believe that
31:15
Speaker 2: there's other people out there that believe that like me.
31:17
Speaker 2: And the best part is, even if I never find it,
31:20
Speaker 2: I'm so happy that I have that within myself because
31:22
Speaker 2: I know.
31:22
Speaker 3: What it feels like.
31:23
Speaker 4: Now.
31:23
Speaker 1: You're also such a communicator. There's so much to talk about.
31:26
Speaker 1: We need to discuss everything.
31:27
Speaker 3: I love that.
31:28
Speaker 2: See, like if there's dudes out there who don't like
31:30
Speaker 2: to communicate and or like whatever, like just you know
31:33
Speaker 2: wan like the Charlie Browns teacher. No, I can't have that.
31:35
Speaker 2: I want to unpack what we unpacked. I want to
31:38
Speaker 2: like bookmark that. I want to do dot dot it.
31:40
Speaker 2: That's like my favorite thing about having like a partner. However,
31:43
Speaker 2: I will say I've got a group of girls already
31:45
Speaker 2: who are down for the compound. I definitely think like
31:47
Speaker 2: women finding each other and like being each other's booskies
31:51
Speaker 2: is also a hit.
32:03
Speaker 1: Who were the friends that were really there for you?
32:07
Speaker 1: I asked, because I find that in hard situations, some
32:11
Speaker 1: people that you would expect to be there aren't in
32:14
Speaker 1: the way that you want. Yeah, some people come out
32:16
Speaker 1: of the woodworks that you would have never expected. Did
32:18
Speaker 1: that happen for you?
32:19
Speaker 3: Yeah? I had? Yes.
32:21
Speaker 2: Well, the good thing is I have great friends, and
32:24
Speaker 2: I think that comes from just being a great friend
32:26
Speaker 2: as well, Like we all want me great friends together.
32:28
Speaker 2: But I had an amazing tribe of sisters that came together.
32:32
Speaker 2: Like I was running around with a one year old,
32:34
Speaker 2: like figuring out where home was, you know, like It
32:37
Speaker 2: was scary, not because I'm not going to be okay,
32:39
Speaker 2: like nobody playing me a violin, because I can take
32:41
Speaker 2: care of myself, but the idea that you don't know
32:45
Speaker 2: what tomorrow looks.
32:46
Speaker 3: Like with your child is frightening. No one year old
32:50
Speaker 3: needs toys and food and things like.
32:52
Speaker 1: It's just the logistics are hard.
32:53
Speaker 3: Good time.
32:54
Speaker 2: So I would say my girlfriends like came through. I
32:59
Speaker 2: had one that was like the logic who would be like,
33:02
Speaker 2: all right now, bitch, let me tell you it's straight,
33:04
Speaker 2: because what you're doing right here is looking like this.
33:06
Speaker 2: But you know, there was that friend then and a
33:08
Speaker 2: friend that was like are you eating?
33:09
Speaker 3: You know, checking in on me.
33:10
Speaker 2: There then a friend that was like praying for me
33:12
Speaker 2: all the time. It was like always making sure to
33:14
Speaker 2: check in with God and like make sure everything I
33:17
Speaker 2: was doing was running by him. You know, he had
33:19
Speaker 2: the memo. And then I had another friend. She was
33:23
Speaker 2: one I actually did not know at all. Came across
33:27
Speaker 2: a couple of red carpets and called me out of
33:30
Speaker 2: the blue and was like, how you doing, And for
33:33
Speaker 2: some reason I like spilled with her, and she was
33:36
Speaker 2: the one who helped me, like in the most manic times. Wow, yeah,
33:42
Speaker 2: that's so beautiful.
33:43
Speaker 3: I was really lucky.
33:44
Speaker 2: So I think about all these traits because I want
33:46
Speaker 2: to be that for my girlfriends, and I have since then.
33:50
Speaker 2: Divorce has come up unfortunately in a lot of times,
33:52
Speaker 2: but I've been able to be like, Okay, beyond anything else.
33:55
Speaker 1: You've got to do this. Have you seen Wicked? I
33:58
Speaker 1: have not.
33:59
Speaker 2: You've not seen Wicked, not mean Wicked because I have
34:01
Speaker 2: not had time to watch it. I know that sounds wild,
34:04
Speaker 2: but I have not had time watching because I know.
34:05
Speaker 3: It's so long. The last movie I went to it.
34:08
Speaker 2: Was Gabby's Dollhouse and that shit was an hour and
34:12
Speaker 2: thirty eight minutes of my life I will never get back.
34:15
Speaker 3: It was a last a frank explosion.
34:18
Speaker 2: Of cats and Kristin Wig and like my soul was
34:21
Speaker 2: confused and so angry at.
34:23
Speaker 3: Like how long it was, and it just was too much.
34:26
Speaker 2: So no, I'm not gonna sit for Wicked until that
34:28
Speaker 2: thing is breaking up in parts where I have no
34:30
Speaker 2: WiFi and my door is like, I don't know, sealed shut.
34:34
Speaker 2: And then I'm like, okay, let's go. But I've seen
34:36
Speaker 2: enough of the TikTok stuff, you.
34:37
Speaker 3: Know, like Alpha Bun yes, yes, hands down for those two.
34:41
Speaker 1: I'm gonna throw this out at you.
34:42
Speaker 3: Okay.
34:43
Speaker 1: Part of the story of Wicked is everybody revers the Wizard, okay,
34:46
Speaker 1: and then by the end of the movie spoiler alert,
34:48
Speaker 1: you get to the Wizard and you realize he is
34:50
Speaker 1: the most basic of men of all time.
34:54
Speaker 3: Okay.
34:55
Speaker 1: And so my question to you is, are you more
34:57
Speaker 1: of an Alphaba or are you more of a Glinda.
35:00
Speaker 1: Linda like kind of puts glitter on it and just
35:03
Speaker 1: kind of keeps it moving.
35:04
Speaker 3: Yeah.
35:05
Speaker 1: Alpha Ba speaks her mind. Yeah, and she lets everybody
35:08
Speaker 1: know that he's a basic man.
35:10
Speaker 2: That is such an interesting, beautiful contrast of characters because
35:14
Speaker 2: I feel both of them. I was absolutely hands down
35:19
Speaker 2: to the Boots Glinda before and now I'm absolutely Alpha
35:24
Speaker 2: Ba in the most proudest way. And I think that
35:27
Speaker 2: it helps to understand which each mean, Like you can
35:32
Speaker 2: know exactly which one you are, but it's good to
35:34
Speaker 2: understand if you can see both sides of the coin,
35:37
Speaker 2: or some serve doom, some didn't.
35:39
Speaker 1: Oh interesting. So that's what I relate to. So the
35:43
Speaker 1: way I knew you on TV was like you always
35:45
Speaker 1: kept it real pun intended, like you just speak your mind.
35:49
Speaker 1: Has it been hard during this process to keep things
35:52
Speaker 1: tight lipped?
35:53
Speaker 3: Yeah?
35:53
Speaker 2: I think the difference is I am the best at
35:55
Speaker 2: giving advice and realness to everybody else, but myself.
35:59
Speaker 1: Really good at it.
36:00
Speaker 3: I heard you on all these other podcasts.
36:01
Speaker 2: Oh thanks, thank you, thank you. I'm telling you that
36:04
Speaker 2: logical Capricorn.
36:05
Speaker 3: Yeah, but I'm really.
36:06
Speaker 2: Good in all instances for everybody else, but for myself.
36:09
Speaker 2: I have some blind spots, and I'm so thankful today
36:14
Speaker 2: that I know those blind spots. But like, it takes
36:17
Speaker 2: you having a couple of collisions to be like, oh damn,
36:20
Speaker 2: like that mirror's got to be changed and this one
36:22
Speaker 2: needs to be cleaned. Sometimes you go through so much
36:24
Speaker 2: before you realize that. But that's what's so magical about
36:27
Speaker 2: life is the universe will continue to repeat things around
36:32
Speaker 2: you until it slaps you up on side the head
36:34
Speaker 2: because you just keep making the same mistake.
36:36
Speaker 3: It's it magical. Meanie, I hate when the mirror cans,
36:39
Speaker 3: I know.
36:39
Speaker 2: But if you didn't and you just get making these
36:41
Speaker 2: like bad mistakes all the way around without getting the
36:44
Speaker 2: repetition to feel like you got to make this change,
36:46
Speaker 2: you have to feel it. Get in the same place.
36:48
Speaker 2: I've always said, you get to be a victim once,
36:52
Speaker 2: but one or more times you're then a volunteer. And
36:55
Speaker 2: so whose fault is that? You know, like, let's be
36:57
Speaker 2: the big girl and pull up our big girl panties.
36:58
Speaker 2: At some point in life.
36:59
Speaker 1: What kind of modalities did you lean into when you
37:02
Speaker 1: were in your healing era? Are you into like somadic
37:06
Speaker 1: healing because you're in LA so we can get as
37:08
Speaker 1: umu as you wanted to. Were you a yoga person?
37:11
Speaker 1: Are you a couch hang with girlfriends? Like? What was
37:14
Speaker 1: your thing?
37:15
Speaker 2: Number one I would say is a loneeness. I love
37:19
Speaker 2: a loneeness now. But remember aloneeness is only healthy to
37:23
Speaker 2: the extent that you see some progress and improvement. If
37:26
Speaker 2: you see yourself staying cententer and going into your thoughts
37:29
Speaker 2: or ruminating, it's a really dangerous place. So you have
37:31
Speaker 2: to have a healthy source of friends that pull you
37:34
Speaker 2: out every so often. But the aloneeness is also good
37:37
Speaker 2: for your thinking, kind of like shut the fuck up sometimes.
37:39
Speaker 2: The second thing I would say is working out. There
37:43
Speaker 2: is nothing like watching your body come back together and
37:45
Speaker 2: like getting a little twitch in that muscle because oat
37:48
Speaker 2: you lift in right, or like getting your cute, allow
37:50
Speaker 2: pants on and whatever it is, but like, there really
37:52
Speaker 2: is a power to feeling strong And when you literally
37:55
Speaker 2: feel the soreness and you feel yourself getting stronger, it
37:57
Speaker 2: doesn't magic.
37:58
Speaker 1: That's such a good one. And the feeling of progress, yes.
38:01
Speaker 3: One hundred percent.
38:02
Speaker 2: And then number three, documentation for me, documentation is huge.
38:06
Speaker 2: That's why I know this is going to be like crazy,
38:09
Speaker 2: Nobod's agree with me. But it only works because of
38:11
Speaker 2: the way I have it boundaried content creation really really
38:15
Speaker 2: safe me, like really yes, like telling my story, but
38:18
Speaker 2: actually seeing the difference between these like filtered pictures of
38:21
Speaker 2: like how perfect things looked and how planned it was
38:23
Speaker 2: in my stupid schedule with what I was going to
38:25
Speaker 2: post on Tuesday. Now it's like, what am I feeling
38:28
Speaker 2: in this moment? It's going out, What am I owning
38:30
Speaker 2: in this moment? It's going out and just watching my
38:32
Speaker 2: community speak up in that That is healing.
38:36
Speaker 1: Is that what you meant by new era loading?
38:38
Speaker 3: Yeah?
38:38
Speaker 2: New era loading for me is finally recognizing the pretend,
38:43
Speaker 2: finally recognizing where I like to make things feel perfect
38:48
Speaker 2: rather than liking to feel imperfect. I want to feel imperfect.
38:51
Speaker 2: Now it's okay, with me, Like if you look at
38:54
Speaker 2: my old YouTube channel, which I did for you know,
38:56
Speaker 2: a couple of years, Like my glam is so packed
38:59
Speaker 2: on my hair, I said, I got my styles hanging
39:01
Speaker 2: in my wardrobe.
39:02
Speaker 3: Now it's like I'm shooting.
39:03
Speaker 2: This thing on my own, no makeup, literally just talking
39:06
Speaker 2: about the way I feel.
39:07
Speaker 3: And it's a diary. I started my diary when I
39:09
Speaker 3: was six.
39:10
Speaker 2: Years old, and I just have these rattling of like
39:13
Speaker 2: all my thoughts. Wow, yes, and they were so precious
39:16
Speaker 2: and I don't have time to write anymore and it
39:18
Speaker 2: hurts to write for such a long time. But like
39:21
Speaker 2: my vlogs and my channels and my platforms are now
39:26
Speaker 2: that for me and I love it.
39:27
Speaker 3: It's been cathartic.
39:28
Speaker 1: That's so cool.
39:29
Speaker 3: Yeah. I love hearing that because you hear the opposite often.
39:33
Speaker 3: I know you do.
39:34
Speaker 2: And I don't recommend it for everybody because I know
39:36
Speaker 2: I'm anomaly.
39:37
Speaker 3: I actually don't recommend.
39:38
Speaker 2: People in social media because it's so slippery slope to
39:41
Speaker 2: turn into the comments and wonder what people are saying
39:43
Speaker 2: and if they agree with you. But you have to
39:45
Speaker 2: have been so embarrassed in public, like you have to
39:49
Speaker 2: have faced such ridicule and such judgment in public to
39:55
Speaker 2: finally be here where I'm like, I don't give a fuck,
39:57
Speaker 2: Like I really don't give a fuck at this point.
39:59
Speaker 2: I've got to tell my story right, and you can
40:01
Speaker 2: join this conversation or not. I don't know why I
40:03
Speaker 2: got emotional when you said that. Yeah, my chest got heavy. Girl,
40:07
Speaker 2: mine's been too for the last couple of years.
40:09
Speaker 1: That is so hard.
40:10
Speaker 2: But you know, again, not to feel bad for me,
40:13
Speaker 2: because I'm a person in the public eye. I chose
40:14
Speaker 2: to be in the public eye for years that I've
40:16
Speaker 2: been in the TV serve but emphasismal person.
40:19
Speaker 3: Yeah, person. Of course, of course we don't deserve that.
40:22
Speaker 3: We don't deserve that. But technology has.
40:24
Speaker 2: Also given us tools to access help support camaraderie, words
40:31
Speaker 2: like it's given us the tools we need to also
40:34
Speaker 2: dig ourselves out of it.
40:35
Speaker 3: So it's like a catch twenty two.
40:36
Speaker 2: The public and social media and all that can be
40:38
Speaker 2: really damaging and frightening, but it can also be like
40:41
Speaker 2: the quickest resource to be like, all right, so you
40:44
Speaker 2: guys out this, only submerging this into my brain from
40:47
Speaker 2: now on and only committing to this.
40:49
Speaker 3: So but it needs that power. So it really takes.
40:52
Speaker 2: To hit rock bottom to be able to see where
40:55
Speaker 2: the top is.
40:56
Speaker 3: And now you're full of you. Yeah, I am so
40:59
Speaker 3: Monaco's four years old.
41:00
Speaker 1: Yes, and you recently shared one of the most beautiful
41:03
Speaker 1: moments between a mother and a daughter that I have
41:05
Speaker 1: seen online. I think affirmations are sort of new age,
41:09
Speaker 1: like we didn't have them when we were growing up.
41:11
Speaker 1: Maybe we did.
41:12
Speaker 3: I didn't have them.
41:14
Speaker 2: I'm a Vietnamese refugee born daughter, Like, no, don't have
41:18
Speaker 2: tough love?
41:18
Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, yeah. So Monica expressed all the love back
41:23
Speaker 1: to you that you give to her, and you said
41:25
Speaker 1: you do these things daily. Oh my god, I can't
41:27
Speaker 1: even imagine what it must have felt like to hear
41:30
Speaker 1: all those words cited back to you. Can you tell
41:33
Speaker 1: me what that moment meant for you?
41:36
Speaker 3: Yeah? That was crazy.
41:37
Speaker 2: I think that it started when I was so alone
41:40
Speaker 2: and Monica would go to bed and I wasn't sure
41:43
Speaker 2: what's going to happen the next day, and I was
41:44
Speaker 2: so sad when everything changed, and I just lay my
41:48
Speaker 2: hand over my stomach because it felt the biggiest, and
41:51
Speaker 2: I just would pray and I would be like, please,
41:54
Speaker 2: let this pain go away, Let this feel better tomorrow.
41:59
Speaker 3: Remind me that I am so worthy.
42:00
Speaker 2: You remind me that I am a good person, and
42:03
Speaker 2: that I deserve to fall down.
42:05
Speaker 3: Because I can get back up again.
42:06
Speaker 2: Like I would just say all these things to me,
42:08
Speaker 2: and I'm here, I am standing, and I do feel
42:11
Speaker 2: better about myself, and I do.
42:12
Speaker 3: Love even the broken sides of me.
42:14
Speaker 2: So when Monica was little, I prayed over her, but
42:17
Speaker 2: it was like standard mother prayers, like I pray for
42:19
Speaker 2: you to be so happy when you grow up, but
42:21
Speaker 2: I pray for you to love your mommy and give
42:23
Speaker 2: me a lot of kisses. It was like all these
42:24
Speaker 2: cute sya prayers. But then somewhere around my pain, I
42:28
Speaker 2: started praying like the things that I needed to feel
42:31
Speaker 2: in her were so valuable, were so incredible. You're so smart,
42:36
Speaker 2: you're so bright, You're so good at making yourself feel loved.
42:40
Speaker 2: Like I would just say things that I was saying
42:42
Speaker 2: to myself, but I would put it in her, but
42:44
Speaker 2: I would never audibly say it, because she's a light sleeper,
42:47
Speaker 2: And the worst thing you want to do is wake
42:48
Speaker 2: up a kid after they sleep. You never want to
42:50
Speaker 2: wake up a kid. It's like a nightmare for the
42:51
Speaker 2: next few hours. It's like their second wind. So I
42:55
Speaker 2: would pray it silently every time. In that moment when
42:58
Speaker 2: I was sitting at a restaurant with her tired, it
43:00
Speaker 2: was one of the worst days that I was just
43:02
Speaker 2: running around doing so much, and she grabs my face
43:04
Speaker 2: out of nowhere and she just starts.
43:06
Speaker 3: Breathing these words into me that were so pure.
43:10
Speaker 2: I've never heard of it before. So I just like
43:13
Speaker 2: sat back and listen to it. And then the end
43:15
Speaker 2: of it, she was like, I love you so much,
43:18
Speaker 2: my daughter, And I was like, daughter, she could hear me,
43:22
Speaker 2: she could hear me, and she was regurgitating like what
43:25
Speaker 2: I had given her. And I was like, wait, that's crazy,
43:29
Speaker 2: because that was absolutely energy that went into her. I've
43:32
Speaker 2: never said those things in front of her myself, you know.
43:34
Speaker 2: So I believe in the power of prayer. You will
43:36
Speaker 2: never be able to tell me different. I will never
43:39
Speaker 2: let anybody tell me that, no matter if it's afar,
43:42
Speaker 2: if it's in my head, if I am intentionally saying
43:46
Speaker 2: it with my being, you are getting it.
43:49
Speaker 3: Period.
43:50
Speaker 1: Where are the tears coming from?
43:52
Speaker 3: The belief that's real?
43:53
Speaker 2: That's so powerful because if you could just believe that,
43:55
Speaker 2: you could pray for yourself for like everything else around you.
43:59
Speaker 3: I think I believe in a hopeful way. Now I
44:01
Speaker 3: believe it in no way.
44:02
Speaker 2: My daughter taught me like that is actually real, So
44:05
Speaker 2: it allows me to believe I can pray for anything
44:08
Speaker 2: and everybody.
44:09
Speaker 1: At this point, I have only cried well an other
44:10
Speaker 1: time on this podcasting me, and you're making me cry, girl,
44:13
Speaker 1: I was expecting to do.
44:14
Speaker 3: I packed this bush on ready for war.
44:17
Speaker 1: I think that's really beautiful and how cool that you
44:20
Speaker 1: poured everything into her.
44:22
Speaker 3: I know it's like a.
44:23
Speaker 1: Healthy vehicle, you know, it really is.
44:25
Speaker 3: It really is Like.
44:26
Speaker 2: I did not want to become a mom and I
44:28
Speaker 2: did not realize that it could be this rewarding. Children
44:32
Speaker 2: are intentionally here to just save us if we want it.
44:37
Speaker 2: It's not meant for them to do any work, but
44:39
Speaker 2: to just be them and for us to take whatever
44:41
Speaker 2: the emotions and the observations are and to do that
44:45
Speaker 2: work ourselves while they get to play. But that is
44:48
Speaker 2: like a tremendous gift. You know, being a mother is lit.
44:52
Speaker 2: What was the block that you just shared?
44:54
Speaker 3: Was it a block? Actually? Why did you not want
44:56
Speaker 3: to become a mom? And like, if it's not too personal.
44:59
Speaker 1: What changed?
45:00
Speaker 3: Yeah, No, I know exactly what it was.
45:02
Speaker 2: I used to think that I didn't want to become
45:05
Speaker 2: a mom because I wasn't prepared to be a mom.
45:08
Speaker 2: I don't want the responsibility to be a mom. I
45:11
Speaker 2: think that long term of signing up for somebody and
45:14
Speaker 2: making sure that they turn out healthy is not something
45:16
Speaker 2: I could be accountable for.
45:18
Speaker 3: Like it was just too much.
45:19
Speaker 2: But I realize now at the end of the day,
45:21
Speaker 2: I was just afraid of being able to create safe
45:24
Speaker 2: for another person, not realizing that once I created safe
45:28
Speaker 2: for me, I know exactly how to do that for
45:30
Speaker 2: another and now you can't tell me different. Like now
45:33
Speaker 2: I realize that I need to constantly in all the ways,
45:37
Speaker 2: through friends, through conversations, through propaganda, through social media, through
45:42
Speaker 2: the algorithm, through your food, through every thing around you,
45:46
Speaker 2: what is safe so that you make it exactly how
45:49
Speaker 2: you need it for you provide that.
45:50
Speaker 4: For your kid.
45:51
Speaker 3: That's such a cool thing, you know, so I enjoy
45:53
Speaker 3: it now.
45:53
Speaker 1: Mom and my is one of my favorite characters. Yeah
45:56
Speaker 1: on YouTube on yours her personalities and yes, how has
46:01
Speaker 1: your relationship changed with her since you've become a mom?
46:04
Speaker 3: Oh my god, it's a whole new relationship.
46:06
Speaker 2: My mom and I are very different in the way
46:08
Speaker 2: we parent and the way that we see life. Okay,
46:11
Speaker 2: so today I'm having to reparent her in some ways,
46:16
Speaker 2: and that's really hard because that's a mid sixties, you know,
46:19
Speaker 2: old woman who is not trying to be told anything.
46:22
Speaker 2: But there's a magic that I'm learning in teaching her
46:25
Speaker 2: new things that's making me realize the areas I haven't
46:28
Speaker 2: forgiven her.
46:29
Speaker 3: You know, it's making me.
46:30
Speaker 2: Realize, oh, she did that because she really don't see
46:33
Speaker 2: how that could really mess somebody up. Or she says that,
46:36
Speaker 2: but that's actually her love language for I care. It
46:38
Speaker 2: just doesn't sound like that, you know, like's yes, it's
46:41
Speaker 2: giving me a chance to be like, no, this is
46:43
Speaker 2: how we love, This is how we nurture. And I
46:46
Speaker 2: hope in her own work she's taking that and doing
46:48
Speaker 2: it for herself. You can only do so much for
46:50
Speaker 2: the you know, generation behind this, but you need to
46:52
Speaker 2: model it. And so she's getting that now and so
46:54
Speaker 2: that's fun. And then the Monoco craziness is definitely like her,
46:59
Speaker 2: you know, so they have that together, so it.
47:01
Speaker 1: Didn't skip a generation. You also have possessed I do, but.
47:04
Speaker 3: It's like a little bit more grounded. Mama is fucking nutty.
47:08
Speaker 3: She's nutty.
47:09
Speaker 2: She gives no fucks, she's crazy zero. She don't care
47:13
Speaker 2: about nobody at all. She will do whatever she wants.
47:16
Speaker 2: I can't tell you how many times I pull that
47:17
Speaker 2: woman back into the house for what she's wearing, what
47:19
Speaker 2: she's saying.
47:19
Speaker 3: Like, No, that's a whole nother.
47:33
Speaker 1: You've spoken openly about your faith throughout your life. Yes,
47:36
Speaker 1: How is your relationship with God shifted the past couple
47:39
Speaker 1: of years or has it?
47:41
Speaker 2: I think God does this for everybody, but I like
47:43
Speaker 2: to feel special and think that He just does this
47:45
Speaker 2: for me. But God to me, talks to me and
47:48
Speaker 2: responds to me, and texts to me and clocks me
47:53
Speaker 2: exactly the way I am. So I feel the same energy.
47:57
Speaker 3: That I give God gives back.
47:59
Speaker 2: So, for example, if I ask a question that I
48:02
Speaker 2: already know the answer to, but I'm asking just because
48:05
Speaker 2: I want to be a fool and like try to
48:07
Speaker 2: feel like I'm doing my due diligence to check in,
48:09
Speaker 2: He's like, bitch, I told you this shit already. We're
48:12
Speaker 2: going through this again. I won't get an answer. I
48:14
Speaker 2: really won't get an answer. But it's because the whole time,
48:17
Speaker 2: it's like sitting right here like a hemorrhoid. Now, when
48:19
Speaker 2: I look back at those times, and I'm like, why
48:22
Speaker 2: didn't I hear anything? Every single one of those times,
48:24
Speaker 2: if you looked down, there was literally like one big
48:27
Speaker 2: like lump here of like here's your answer right here,
48:30
Speaker 2: but you're knowing it. So in the last two years
48:33
Speaker 2: of most difficult times in my adulthood, I asked God
48:36
Speaker 2: a ton of questions and then slowly, maybe over the
48:40
Speaker 2: last six months, I've been seeing reflections of where he'd
48:43
Speaker 2: answered them.
48:44
Speaker 3: But I just a very own, merry way, just like anyway,
48:48
Speaker 3: you know, literally like marked red.
48:50
Speaker 2: I could see exact friends, circumstances, missing flights to get
48:56
Speaker 2: that answer, like all these things would happen, and I
48:58
Speaker 2: still didn't listen. So my relationship with God today is
49:02
Speaker 2: much more respectful and much more Okay, I'm listening. I
49:05
Speaker 2: know you know my heart, I know you know where
49:08
Speaker 2: my blind spots are and where I need to learn.
49:10
Speaker 2: So I'm going to move, but I'm going to listen
49:13
Speaker 2: and you just guide me from here. It's a lot
49:15
Speaker 2: more mature.
49:17
Speaker 1: Where are you moving? Talk to me about the dreams you're.
49:19
Speaker 3: Chasing, yeah, holds, Yeah, the reinvention.
49:23
Speaker 2: My biggest dream is that I want to be able
49:26
Speaker 2: to explain what I experienced in the last five years
49:30
Speaker 2: so well that we can psychologically understand, like a map.
49:35
Speaker 3: How this led me to hear.
49:37
Speaker 2: That's what I wish for all women, because if I
49:40
Speaker 2: can tell you, if you do this and this and
49:41
Speaker 2: it gets you here, maybe you could avoid doing those
49:44
Speaker 2: things too. That's like my greatest dream, because we still
49:47
Speaker 2: haven't figured out like what makes us age right. We
49:50
Speaker 2: still don't know what gets you cancer right, but we
49:52
Speaker 2: have enough information that can lead you to making the
49:54
Speaker 2: wrong choices. Like I know why I made some of
49:58
Speaker 2: my choices. I know why I stay in some of
50:00
Speaker 2: the situations that wasn't right or healthy. I know why now,
50:04
Speaker 2: and those reasons are not uncommon reasons. And if I
50:08
Speaker 2: can explain to you so that you can understand how
50:12
Speaker 2: toothlessjew equaled for, then hopefully I can help you avoid
50:15
Speaker 2: some headache that I experienced.
50:17
Speaker 1: I have some fun rapid fires. Okay, questions, Okay. Biggest
50:23
Speaker 1: influence in your life other than Monaco.
50:25
Speaker 2: The biggest influence of my life right now is my
50:27
Speaker 2: YouTube channel, Like I love my community. I'm blown away
50:31
Speaker 2: by the things that my fans say. Like my last
50:34
Speaker 2: YouTube was titled you know, Divorced forty six single with
50:37
Speaker 2: the toddler, and then my fans titled their life and
50:40
Speaker 2: immediately I was like, holy shit, you get it, like
50:43
Speaker 2: you get what this suckage feels like, but also like yes,
50:47
Speaker 2: you know. And so it's amazing to build that tribe
50:49
Speaker 2: in such a good place. I've always had such great fans,
50:52
Speaker 2: like that's my family.
50:53
Speaker 1: I want to know a misconception about motherhood, and I'm
50:56
Speaker 1: going to preface the question by saying, I think sometimes
50:58
Speaker 1: motherhood gets bad pr So.
51:00
Speaker 2: I think, first off, it's a very hard, almost illegal
51:05
Speaker 2: thing to make a blanket statement about motherhood because it
51:09
Speaker 2: all depends on the mom's situation.
51:11
Speaker 3: Period full stop.
51:14
Speaker 2: But I did not expect motherhood to be this fun,
51:17
Speaker 2: Like it's ten thousand trillion times more fun than it
51:21
Speaker 2: is challenging, hard, you know, painful like all those things.
51:26
Speaker 2: But I didn't have a painful pregnancy, and I don't
51:29
Speaker 2: have a daughter with any special needs or requirements at
51:32
Speaker 2: least that I know of so far. And I don't
51:34
Speaker 2: take those things lightly. Like I grew up in a
51:38
Speaker 2: three bedroom home, one bathroom with fifteen people. We raised
51:42
Speaker 2: my infant cousin in that same household. Like, I get
51:45
Speaker 2: how hard it takes the village and thankfully, like for me,
51:48
Speaker 2: I don't have a nanny, Like, it's still my village.
51:50
Speaker 2: It's my brother, uncle Dennis, it's my mom, Mama, my
51:53
Speaker 2: my other brother, uncle Daniel.
51:55
Speaker 3: It's all of us. And I love it because it's
51:57
Speaker 3: brought us together.
51:58
Speaker 2: It's opened my eyes to how much she sees and
52:02
Speaker 2: how much she's cleaning up of me. You know, we
52:04
Speaker 2: have a cuss jar going around. I'm losing, but we
52:06
Speaker 2: have a cuss jar going around in our household. Like,
52:08
Speaker 2: it's so fun. So I think that, yes, I do
52:11
Speaker 2: hear about the woes about motherhood, and those are true,
52:13
Speaker 2: those are real things. Her true year old stage was
52:15
Speaker 2: really difficult, but I just never have heard it being this.
52:19
Speaker 1: Fun cultural conversation you're obsessed with right now.
52:22
Speaker 2: The cultural conversation I think is, let's see, Oh my god,
52:28
Speaker 2: there's so many running dialogues for me. Okay, let me
52:31
Speaker 2: rattle some like first, how can we hate All's Fair?
52:34
Speaker 3: On Hulu? It's so awesomely unbelievable.
52:40
Speaker 2: From kim cracking and out at the law office to
52:43
Speaker 2: them having sushi on a plane over law cases, Like
52:45
Speaker 2: it's so good. It actually gives me relief over my
52:48
Speaker 2: own divorces. That it made me go, like, why was
52:51
Speaker 2: an I do with this new relationship between Cynthia and Ariana,
52:55
Speaker 2: this demi duo.
52:57
Speaker 3: I don't know what I came there.
52:58
Speaker 1: I don't know what they call it.
53:00
Speaker 2: It's like, wait, if this means like you high key
53:03
Speaker 2: love your bestie so much that you guys can imagine
53:07
Speaker 2: living together, sleeping together, and like maybe not like physically,
53:11
Speaker 2: which I think is what they said.
53:12
Speaker 3: Like I have so many friends like that. I do
53:14
Speaker 3: love them like that.
53:14
Speaker 2: I don't think they want me to title us like that,
53:16
Speaker 2: but like I have shared a bed in a courtyard
53:19
Speaker 2: Marriott with them somewhere, or I have, like, you know,
53:22
Speaker 2: loved them so much that like you know, we're seeing
53:24
Speaker 2: each other nagark. So it's just the thing. So I
53:25
Speaker 2: just think that's so cute, and I love the way
53:27
Speaker 2: people get so lit up about it.
53:28
Speaker 1: A book that changes your life, something you think everybody
53:31
Speaker 1: should read.
53:32
Speaker 2: The Body keeps the Scard It's that one, and it's
53:34
Speaker 2: about the body holding trauma.
53:35
Speaker 3: That one is incredible. That's so true. And I never
53:40
Speaker 3: knew my.
53:40
Speaker 2: Nervous system before the last five years, and now that
53:45
Speaker 2: I understand it, I know exactly where my dials are
53:48
Speaker 2: and where the red lights are and where the.
53:51
Speaker 3: Nerve sensors are.
53:52
Speaker 2: It's crazy that I allowed my body to live in
53:55
Speaker 2: some of that agony for so long.
53:57
Speaker 1: So I think that's a healthy book everybody should know
53:59
Speaker 1: and read. What's the smartest decision you've ever made to
54:03
Speaker 1: become a mom? What's something every woman should try once?
54:06
Speaker 1: Allowing the risk for your heart to break? Allow that risk,
54:10
Speaker 1: because if you really love.
54:12
Speaker 2: To that very point where you really are untethered, and
54:15
Speaker 2: you give it your all and you trust in this
54:18
Speaker 2: person and you go to the very ends of the
54:21
Speaker 2: earth to experience what true love could be, you will
54:24
Speaker 2: never experience that sensation or hide anywhere else. And it
54:28
Speaker 2: actually loosens something in you to create new wings that
54:31
Speaker 2: needed to be grown.
54:32
Speaker 1: Will you grab the question? Everything?
54:33
Speaker 3: Card games so cool?
54:35
Speaker 2: By the way, what compliment do you hear the most?
54:38
Speaker 2: The compliment I hear the most is that I'm a
54:40
Speaker 2: good mom. I'm like a really good mom. I love
54:42
Speaker 2: that one. Take that really seriously, I will fight somebody
54:45
Speaker 2: who challenges me being your mom or being a good.
54:48
Speaker 3: One which means the most to Which compliment means the
54:50
Speaker 3: most to you?
54:51
Speaker 2: Oh yeah, the compliment would be being a good mom,
54:54
Speaker 2: but also being a good communicator. Really think that's one
54:57
Speaker 2: of the greatest gifts in the world, is to be
55:01
Speaker 2: able to communicate.
55:02
Speaker 3: Strongly and to get better at it and to be understandable.
55:04
Speaker 2: Yeah, so thank you for that. Which ones make you
55:07
Speaker 2: the most uncomfortable?
55:08
Speaker 3: I know.
55:10
Speaker 2: The one that makes me uncomfortable is when people tell
55:12
Speaker 2: me how strong I am. Like, even that makes me
55:14
Speaker 2: want to cry right now because I don't feel it.
55:17
Speaker 1: It's a nice compliment, though, Yeah, you're not seeing the
55:20
Speaker 1: woman that I'm saying.
55:20
Speaker 2: Man, No, I'm still working on it. But I'm definitely
55:24
Speaker 2: not the strongest. Like I said, divorce we'll.
55:27
Speaker 1: Do a number on you.
55:28
Speaker 2: And when you have a little one looking up at you,
55:30
Speaker 2: it's the worst pain. I would never wish on anything.
55:33
Speaker 1: I so feel you and there is no way that
55:37
Speaker 1: you could have gotten through the last few years without strength.
55:41
Speaker 3: I know that. I know I need to hear it
55:44
Speaker 3: and say it.
55:44
Speaker 2: There's going to be a time where we have this talk,
55:47
Speaker 2: and you're going to be like remember when, and I'm
55:49
Speaker 2: going to be like, I know, isn't that crazy because
55:50
Speaker 2: I'll be so far from it. I think I'm like
55:52
Speaker 2: still like in the middle of it. Thank you, of course,
55:55
Speaker 2: thank you. This is so so sweet.
55:57
Speaker 1: Thanks for your heart. Okay, you know what time it is.
56:05
Speaker 1: Today's a good day, to have a good day. I'll
56:08
Speaker 1: see you next week.
56:11
Speaker 2: H