Latest / Inner Work With MaryAnn Walker: Life Coach for People Pleasers / 129: Navigating a Chaotic World: From Empathic Overwhelm to Empowerment

Transcript

129: Navigating a Chaotic World: From Empathic Overwhelm to Empowerment · Inner Work With MaryAnn Walker: Life Coach for People Pleasers

• 0:20
  Well, hello and welcome back.
• 0:21
  My name is Marianne Walker and I'm the life coach for impasse and highly sensitive people.
• 0:26
  And today I just want to really acknowledge that a lot of people are in overwhelm.
• 0:31
  There is a lot happening in the world right now.
• 0:35
  And when you're experiencing this overwhelm, especially as an empath or a highly sensitive person, it can be really hard to explain your experience to other people and to feel seen and heard and understood.
• 0:46
  In your overwhelm.
• 0:49
  Really briefly.
• 0:50
  I just want to go over the different types of empaths and how things might actually be impacting you.
• 0:55
  So first there are the physical empaths.
• 0:57
  They're the ones that literally feel in their body.
• 1:00
  Another person's physical ailment.
• 1:03
  There's also emotional empaths and they feel in their body, someone else's emotions, especially when it comes to someone else's pain.
• 1:10
  The volume is really turned up on that for emotional empaths.
• 1:13
  They're also earth empaths that are extra sensitive to weather patterns or to the cycles of the moon.
• 1:19
  And then there's also geographical empaths that are very sensitive to the world around them.
• 1:25
  And this might be their current setting or maybe even they're more sensitive to a certain place than another.
• 1:31
  Now, as I said earlier, there's really a lot going on in the world right now.
• 1:34
  There's war.
• 1:35
  There are storms and hurricanes happening.
• 1:38
  There's political upheaval and so much more.
• 1:42
  And when all of these things are happening, it can be really easy to get lost in the spiral and feel really scattered and ungrounded, even just going through the day to day activities as an empath or a highly sensitive person.
• 1:56
  And more than likely as you're engaging with others, many of the people that you're engaging with, they simply do not have the capacity to feel as deeply as you and this isn't a slam on them or a slam on you.
• 2:06
  Right?
• 2:06
  Sometimes we feel like it's a blessing.
• 2:07
  Sometimes we feel like it's a curse.
• 2:09
  But it's just a different experience and they simply do not have the capacity to feel as deeply, or maybe they haven't developed the emotional awareness enough to really know how to process their own feelings about it.
• 2:21
  So, for example, you might be sharing how it is that you're feeling about one of these significant things happening in the world.
• 2:27
  And you might be met with them saying, well, why do you care?
• 2:30
  That law doesn't apply to you?
• 2:31
  Or they might say, oh, well that country's always at war.
• 2:34
  Get over it.
• 2:35
  Or they might say, well, they chose to live there.
• 2:36
  They know that storms are coming.
• 2:38
  They can feel extremely dismissive to the individual as well as to your own emotional experience around that your own compassionate awareness.
• 2:46
  Around these various things and how they impact the individual.
• 2:50
  So these comments, they not only feel minimizing and dismissive of the experience, but it might also now create some scenarios for the highly sensitive person or for the empath where now, not only are they trying to navigate their own emotions about the experience that they're having or that someone else is having, but now they're also having to learn how to navigate their emotions around the other person's response.
• 3:14
  It almost derails it and makes it like, well now I don't know how to process this person's reaction because it's so different from mine.
• 3:22
  So they're essentially trying to navigate their own upset around somebody else's response or lack of response to their emotional wellness and the wellness of the world at large.
• 3:32
  And let's be honest, it's not like empaths are choosing to let this impact them.
• 3:37
  Right.
• 3:37
  We'd need to acknowledge that no, I am a highly sensitive person and I am impacted by this, but there are some things the empaths and highly sensitive people can do to feel a little bit more in control of their experience.
• 3:51
  And the first step is really just giving yourself permission to feel.
• 3:55
  We tend to resist the negative emotions because they don't feel very good.
• 4:00
  But what you resist persists.
• 4:03
  So you can either feel it intensely and allow space for it and dedicate some time and space for it for a short while and on purpose.
• 4:11
  Or you can allow it to just accidentally filter in and not have any control over what it is that it's showing up for you.
• 4:18
  It's kind of like the beach ball analogy that I've shared here on the podcast before, when we're experiencing big emotions and we're suppressing them, it's kind of like holding a beach ball under the water.
• 4:28
  And recently I was even talking with the client where she said, I don't understand my big, strong reaction to what's happening right now.
• 4:34
  I don't know why my feelings are so big.
• 4:37
  And I had to remind her that yeah, it's that beach ball analogy that when you've held something out of the water, sometimes we can convince ourselves, oh, it's totally fine.
• 4:44
  This is great.
• 4:44
  It's no big deal.
• 4:45
  It's even a little bit fun just floating on this beach ball, but then eventually your arms get tired, trying to suppress that and having that resistance, having that little bit of cognitive dissonance that no, there's no beach ball here.
• 4:57
  I'm just floating in the water.
• 4:59
  But eventually when our arms get tired, that beach ball is going to blast up out of the water.
• 5:03
  It might smack us in the face.
• 5:05
  It might fly out of the pool and knock somebody else off of their feet, but we lose control over it.
• 5:10
  So what I'm talking about here is just allowing that beach ball or that emotion to come to the surface.
• 5:16
  To dedicate some space to it, to acknowledge that, wow, this is what this is like.
• 5:21
  This is how this feels for me.
• 5:23
  And actually give it some space rather than investing all of your energy into suppressing it and trying to keep it below the surface.
• 5:32
  It can feel like a curse to an empath or a highly sensitive person to feel all of these negative emotions.
• 5:38
  And also the greater your capacity is to allow space for and to experience pain, the greater your capacity will be to experience the joy.
• 5:50
  It's like a pendulum swing, right?
• 5:52
  So the pendulum is going to swing equal parts in either direction.
• 5:55
  And we like to think that no, I'm going to only experience the positive.
• 5:59
  So the pendulum will swing and we'll say, Nope, you can't go that way.
• 6:01
  I'm not gonna experience any negative emotions and go back the other way.
• 6:04
  Right.
• 6:05
  We think we can keep it over there.
• 6:07
  But the pendulum is going to build momentum.
• 6:09
  You're going to experience emotions on both sides and life is 50 50.
• 6:14
  Life is 50% positive and 50% negative.
• 6:18
  And of course this is over the lifespan.
• 6:20
  Right.
• 6:20
  So there are going to be some seasons where it feels like, man, I am sure experiencing a heck of a lot more than 50% negative emotion right now.
• 6:28
  In the big scheme of things, things will level out.
• 6:30
  But when you're experiencing that overwhelm more than likely it's because in this little micro moment, you are experiencing more of the negative.
• 6:38
  You're on this side of the pendulum where you're experiencing that negative emotion.
• 6:43
  So to illustrate this point a bit, I want you to think about losing a loved one.
• 6:47
  And the depth of the pain and the grief for losing a loved one is significant.
• 6:54
  And also it shifts our perspective a bit.
• 6:58
  Where maybe after having that loss, maybe we don't take time for granted like we used to.
• 7:03
  Maybe we find more joy in simple pleasures, like a hug or smile.
• 7:10
  Or the smell of someone's perfume or aftershave.
• 7:12
  We really take that time to breathe it in.
• 7:15
  So emotions are not the problem.
• 7:17
  It's resisting it and judging it that you should be feeling any differently...
• 7:21
  that's where the problem lies.
• 7:24
  Now I am someone who strongly believes in focusing on what it is that we want to create in life.
• 7:29
  And that being said, there is no way that one person can hold back the storms, the flood waters, the enemy line, the political upheaval.
• 7:39
  So of course you are feeling overwhelmed when you're somebody that's a do-er and you want to fix everything you want to heal the world...
• 7:45
  one person simply cannot do all of that.
• 7:48
  So even though I do strongly believe that what you focus on is what you create and that we can intentionally create that healing in this world.
• 7:55
  We also have our limits.
• 7:57
  And that's when we can feel overwhelmed by the weight of the world.
• 8:01
  So, no, we can't stop the floodwaters.
• 8:03
  We can't snap our fingers and put an end to war.
• 8:06
  But what we can do is ground and center ourselves.
• 8:10
  We can create a community for healing and personal growth.
• 8:15
  We can choose to be the safe place for others.
• 8:18
  We can choose to be somebody that others can find refuge in.
• 8:23
  Now my goal with this episode is to create a container of my listeners, where we can just share that intention of creating more peace and more harmony in the world.
• 8:34
  And having that intention and feeling like I'm doing something to spread the word and to shift the focus that really helps me to feel less overwhelmed and more like I'm actually doing something.
• 8:46
  Emotions are often there to move us to action.
• 8:49
  Emotions are there to encourage us to do something.
• 8:52
  I had a client the other day that was experiencing this very overwhelmed.
• 8:56
  And he said, I'm doing everything that I can.
• 8:59
  And this is still happening.
• 9:03
  And he's right.
• 9:04
  It's still happening.
• 9:06
  And finding little pockets of space where you can elevate your own peace and wellness.
• 9:11
  It can and does actually help to increase the vibration of the whole planet.
• 9:18
  A girlfriend of mine was feeling very overwhelmed by everything happening in the world.
• 9:22
  And she found a group, I believe it was on Facebook, where they decided to just intentionally bake bread with a cause and a purpose behind it.
• 9:32
  So as they were reflecting on all of the war and all of the poverty happening in different parts of the world, they would seek out a recipe from that part of the world.
• 9:40
  And they would bake that kind of bread.
• 9:43
  And the entire time that they were preparing the dough and baking the bread they would dedicate that time and space to just sending out loving kindness to those parts of the world.
• 9:53
  It helped them to feel more connected to that part of the world, and to feel like they were doing.
• 9:57
  Something.
• 9:59
  So they would send loving kindness to these people that they wished that they could hug and support in person, but were unable to, and this small, but simple act helped them to feel more connected to others and more connected to the peace within themselves.
• 10:15
  Oftentimes people get really frustrated and they might even say, well, I feel like all I can do is pray.
• 10:20
  And also what a powerful thing to do.
• 10:23
  So, whether you call it prayer or meditation or loving kindness, or sending love and light, it does in fact make a difference.
• 10:31
  In fact, I encourage you do a quick Google search around loving kindness and see what you come up with.
• 10:37
  See what you find there around the science of loving kindness meditations, the act of intentionally sending love and kindness, mentally, emotionally, and energetically to others.
• 10:48
  It has actually been scientifically studied and proven to decrease negative emotion.
• 10:53
  Not only for the sender, it decreases negative emotion and increases positive emotion for the sender, but it also benefits others as well.
• 11:02
  They did one study where they were sending loving kindness to inmates in prison, and they could see a tangible difference in those individuals growth.
• 11:10
  And they were more likely to have a shortened term.
• 11:13
  Because of the loving kindness, these were people that they never even met the people that were sending them loving kindness.
• 11:19
  But to have that intention to have that dedicated space actually had an impact.
• 11:23
  They've also done studies where they've seen that people heal faster when people are sending prayers or loving kindness towards them.
• 11:30
  It does have a physical impact on the world around us.
• 11:35
  Still other studies have shown that crime is actually reduced when people set that intention and send it to certain cities, especially in a group setting, which is why I'm so excited to be sharing this here on the podcast to build that intention to build that community.
• 11:51
  Pub med sites that loving kindness meditation had a significant impact on personal levels of compassion.
• 11:57
  And couldn't the world use more compassion?
• 12:01
  Compassion is what heals the world.
• 12:05
  You are not alone in your sensitivity.
• 12:08
  And when other people try to shut down your sensitivity, remember that first they feel and experience the world very differently from you and that's okay.
• 12:16
  And secondly, they're probably feeling overwhelmed by your big emotions because your emotions are something that is out of their control.
• 12:22
  And that's actually something that you can empathize with.
• 12:25
  You're feeling overwhelmed for that same reason, because there are so many things happening that are out of your control, and that can be so hard.
• 12:32
  So don't judge the people for judging you for having this deep sensitivity to the world around you.
• 12:37
  It's okay to just reflect love and light back to them that, Hey, I understand that you have a different experience.
• 12:42
  I understand you have a different capacity when it comes to what you're able to feel and process.
• 12:47
  Sometimes they are resisting that beach ball and saying no, don't feel that way.
• 12:51
  If I open up the flood gates, I'll never recover.
• 12:55
  Just allow them some grace and allow yourself some grace as you feel into this.
• 13:00
  Life is 50, 50, it's 50% positive and 50% negative.
• 13:04
  And as I said, this is across the lifespan.
• 13:07
  So there are going to be some seasons in life that are just hard.
• 13:11
  So maybe you are someone who is in the path of the storm.
• 13:14
  Maybe you are in one of those war torn countries.
• 13:17
  Maybe you're fearful.
• 13:19
  And you feel that your life will be directly impacted by the results of the upcoming election.
• 13:24
  Some seasons of life are just hard.
• 13:28
  And it's okay to admit that.
• 13:30
  We're not meant to walk around happy all the time.
• 13:32
  And I suspect that you wouldn't want to be happy all of the time.
• 13:36
  I know for me that there are times when I want to be upset about something.
• 13:41
  Being upset, shows me my value system.
• 13:43
  And then I can check in with myself and see if I am in alignment with my own value system.
• 13:48
  There are some things I just want to be angry about.
• 13:51
  And that's O K.
• 13:53
  Use your capacity to feel deeply as your compass to guide you so that you can show up through your own value system.
• 14:02
  So today let's work to increase our empathy for others.
• 14:05
  By first, extending that empathy towards ourself free of judgment.
• 14:09
  These emotions do in fact, serve a purpose and they are also human.
• 14:14
  And while they are really uncomfortable at times, they're also so beautiful.
• 14:20
  Our emotions help us to better understand and relate to others.
• 14:23
  Our emotions show us what it is that we value.
• 14:25
  Our emotions let us know when we need to put a boundary in place or when we need to take action.
• 14:30
  When we need to speak up, they can be incredibly helpful, if we are able to recognize them and allow them to have a voice and to shape us.
• 14:39
  We can become better through these emotions.
• 14:42
  At the end of this episode, we're actually going to be doing a loving kindness meditation together because I really want to use this platform to just help and heal the world.And what better way to do that than to invite others, to join me in extending, loving kindness?
• 14:58
  but for right now, I want you to just think about some little ways that you can love and serve others through your day to day experience and allow those small acts of love and service to serve as proxy for the greater good.
• 15:12
  Maybe you cannot be there for somebody who is in the path of the storm or who is on the front lines of a war.
• 15:18
  But you can be there for somebody today.
• 15:21
  So, for example, maybe when you're checking out at the grocery store, you hit the little button that says yes, I would like to donate to the relief efforts.
• 15:27
  Maybe you decide to help someone in your community or donate to your local food pantry.
• 15:32
  Maybe you simply give somebody a hug and imagine that you're hugging an entire nation.
• 15:37
  Make that part of your spiritual practice, where I am doing this with the intention of hugging the entire nation of making sure that those children are fed.
• 15:46
  Of making sure that somebody feels safe and trusting that, as you do that and as you raise your own personal vibration, Other people at other parts of the world will also raise their vibration and work to do those exact same things exactly where they are needed.
• 16:03
  When you're an empath or a highly sensitive person, and you're feeling significantly impacted by the macro experience of everything that is happening in the world.
• 16:11
  It can be really helpful to just shift your focus a little bit, to focus on those micro experiences.
• 16:18
  We cannot control everything, but we can focus on one small act of kindness that we can do right now that we'll have that trickle down effect and that will actually benefit the world.
• 16:29
  And I hope that as you do experience your overwhelm, that you'll come back to this episode or that you'll share it with friends, that you do something in your local community to build in those supports.
• 16:39
  For example, maybe you want to start a prayer group, or maybe you want to send Reiki out into the world, or maybe you want to dedicate time and space each day or each week to loving kindness.
• 16:49
  Or maybe you want to be very intentional about baking bread and maybe you're focusing not only on helping to heal the world through baking that bread.
• 16:56
  But maybe you're also at the same time thinking"and who am I community could benefit from this bread?".
• 17:02
  And using that also as another practice to give back to the world and to create peace.
• 17:08
  And healing.
• 17:10
  So as we close out this episode, we're going to be doing a loving kindness meditation together.
• 17:15
  And you can do this with your eyes open or your eyes closed.
• 17:17
  Sometimes I close my eyes and really feel into it and put my hands on my heart.
• 17:22
  Other times I'll do a walking meditation where I just feel into it as I'm walking and enjoying nature.
• 17:28
  Or I'll be imagining people in my mind's eye.
• 17:31
  So you do whatever feels best for you.
• 17:33
  I'm going to be repeating these phrases for each of the three categories.
• 17:36
  We're going to first be extending, loving kindness to ourselves.
• 17:39
  Because we can only love others to the extent that we love ourselves.
• 17:43
  And if we are not feeling loved and safe and secure, it's going to be harder for us to create that for others.
• 17:48
  So we're going to first extend that to self.
• 17:50
  Then I want you to think about an individual that you know, could benefit from loving kindness.
• 17:55
  I want you to imagine their face in your mind's eye and share it with them.
• 18:00
  And then lastly, I want you to think about something on the more macro level that's impacting you.
• 18:04
  Maybe it is the wars, maybe it is the storms.
• 18:06
  Maybe it is the political upheaval, but I want you to really feel into that feel into everyone being impacted by that and send them loving kindness.
• 18:15
  My traditional loving kindness meditation is"may you be happy.
• 18:19
  May you be healthy.
• 18:20
  May you live life with ease" But sometimes that just doesn't feel right with everything happening in the world.
• 18:26
  So I'm kind of shifting this a little bit and if these words don't resonate with you, feel free to play with it and shift it a little bit so that it feels more natural for you and feels more authentic to you.
• 18:37
  All right.
• 18:37
  So first extending that loving kindness to yourself.
• 18:40
  Put your hands on your heart.
• 18:42
  And you can either say it out loud or just repeat with me in your mind.
• 18:46
  May I experience love today.
• 18:49
  May I find peace and safety from my personal storm.
• 18:54
  May I be led to those that can offer the comfort and support that I need at this time.
• 19:01
  May I experience love today.
• 19:04
  May I find peace and safety for my personal storm.
• 19:09
  May I be led to those that can offer the comfort and support that I need at this time.
• 19:15
  May I experience love today.
• 19:18
  May I find peace and safety from my personal storm.
• 19:23
  May I be led to those that can offer the comfort and support that I need at this time.
• 19:31
  Okay.
• 19:31
  Now I want you to think about a specific individual within your circle.
• 19:35
  Maybe this is somebody that you're really close to.
• 19:36
  Maybe this is somebody that you're not as close to that maybe there's some contention there.
• 19:41
  But imagine someone that, you know, personally and imagine their face.
• 19:44
  And really feel into it.
• 19:48
  May you experience love today.
• 19:51
  May you find peace and safety from your personal storms.
• 19:56
  May you be led to those that can offer the comfort and support that you need at this time.
• 20:03
  May you experience love today may you find peace and safety from your personal storms.
• 20:10
  May you be led to those that can offer the comfort and support that you need at this time.
• 20:17
  May you experience love today.
• 20:20
  May you find peace and safety from your personal storms maybe led to those that can offer the comfort and support.
• 20:29
  That you need at this time.
• 20:33
  Now extend your intention to a geographical area that you're concerned about.
• 20:39
  So maybe it's those in the path of the hurricanes here in the states.
• 20:42
  Maybe it's those at war.
• 20:43
  Maybe it's your own country that is struggling with political upheaval.
• 20:47
  But just really feel into it and send them loving kindness as well.
• 20:52
  May you experience love today may you find peace and safety from your personal storms may you be led to those that can offer the comfort and support that you need at this time.
• 21:06
  May you experience love today.
• 21:09
  May you find peace and safety from your personal storms.
• 21:15
  May you be led to those that can offer the comfort and support that you need at this time.
• 21:22
  May you experience love today may you find peace and safety from your personal storms.
• 21:30
  Maybe led to those that can offer the comfort and support that you need at this time.
• 21:38
  Now I want you to know that I'm sending that to you as well.
• 21:42
  That may you experience love today may you find peace and safety from your personal storms and may you be led to those that can offer the comfort and the support that you need at this time.
• 21:56
  My heart is with all of you.
• 21:58
  I hope you take a care and know that you were loved and that you're not alone.
• 22:03
  I'll see you next week.