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Should I Force My Teenager to Go to Church? · Cultivate - A Podcast by The Branch Community Church

• 0:09
  Speaker 1: Welcome to Cultivate, a podcast by the Branch Community Church. We're committed to delving into the practical questions that our community is asking. In each episode, we'll explore topics that are relevant to church life and faith, offering wisdom, discernment, and biblical perspective into the simple questions that often arise. Join us as we seek to deepen our understanding and grow together in our journey of loving and serving Jesus. Today we want to answer the question a lot of parents are asking, should I force my teenager to go to church?
• 0:43
  LifeWay did some research in 2017 on ages 23 to 30. They said that sixty nine percent said they were attending church at the age of 17, That fell to fifty eight percent at the age of 18 and then forty percent by the age of 19. Once they reached their twenties, about one in three say they were attending church regularly. So should I force my teenager to go to church?
• 1:10
  Speaker 2: So that is a really good question, Brooke. And I think sometimes when parents ask that question, their heart really is in the right place because they have this fear that if I if I make them against their will attend church on a regular basis, that somehow that's gonna have a negative effect on them. It's gonna have the opposite effect. That instead of their kids being passionate about the church, that their kids are gonna kinda roll their eyes and be frustrated about it. But the problem with that perspective in parents is that fear is sort of unfounded in the sense that the research that you just read shows that the primary reason that there is this decline in church attendance with teenagers and young adults and college students isn't because parents force them to go to church.
• 1:54
  Nobody really says that. The primary reasons are things like I just moved to college and I got out of the habit of going or the church I attended felt like it was really judgmental or filled with hypocrites or maybe they said I disagree disagreed with a political stance or a social issue stance that the church took, and I didn't feel like I had the freedom to express that disagreement. And so the reasons that that demographic is no longer passionate about attending church is because of these other reasons. It's not because we've made them go to church. So what that data seems to show is is the reason that they're they're not as passionate about it as they need to be is because they don't value the church in the way that they should.
• 2:34
  It's because the church isn't important and they don't cherish the bride of Christ the way that scripture does. And so and I would just say be consistent if you're a parent. So like no parent would make the the claim that they're fearful if I make my kid go to school that they're gonna like hate education. No parent feels that way. We just make our kids go to school because we understand if we let them do what they want, they're not gonna do the right thing.
• 2:59
  We have to teach them to do the right thing. We don't do that with sports. If you're a sports person, like you don't say like, oh, if you feel like going to practice today, then we'll go to practice. We make them go to practice because we value all the things that we get from sports. And so, I would say like to parents, if you mean it in a legalistic way, yeah, don't make them go in the sense that like good Christians are good people and therefore they have to go to church.
• 3:21
  Yeah. If that's the foundation of it, don't do it like that. But generally speaking, I do think that we need to make them go to church, especially when our heart's in the right place and we're teaching them to do it for the right reasons.
• 3:31
  Speaker 1: Right. So what are some biblical reasons why when they live in my home, I should make them go?
• 3:39
  Speaker 2: Yeah. I like the way you worded that when they live in in my home. So I would say there's a cup there's lots. There's like and so this list isn't exhaustive, but just really simply, just two things from scripture that I think are are helpful to drive us in how we think about it. One is the old and the new testament is crystal clear.
• 3:56
  That it is the primary responsibility of a Christian parent to teach their children God's word and to call them to follow Jesus and obey Jesus. A good example of that is in Proverbs 22. It says, train up a child in the way that they should go and even when they get old, they will not depart far from it. And so it's our responsibility as Christian parents to teach our kids that church is important and that they should value the church. They should care about church.
• 4:25
  They should want to go to church. And the truth is as parents, that idea, that principle from scripture is more caught. It's not necessarily just taught. So you can have bible studies in your house about church attendance and don't forsake the assembly of you need to do that. But the reality is is sometimes rules aren't always the best approach to discipleship, but modeling it to them.
• 4:48
  So so you can make a bunch of rules, but the better approach is is for you as the parent to love your church. You as a parent to be passionate about the music that you're singing. You as a parent to be able to sit after a sermon is preached and to share with your teenager or your young adult or or anybody in your house that's your kid to say like, man, this is how God used that sermon to to impact me. And when a parent is excited about the church, when they're excited about what God's doing there, then that's gonna pass down to their kids in a way that is gonna have a big impact on them. And the second really great biblical example of why church matters is, in Ephesians five, the apostle Paul is trying to help Christians understand how they should understand marriage.
• 5:32
  And he uses an analogy that does really connect some really important dots. So he says a husband should love his wife as Christ loves the church, and a wife should submit to her husband as unto Christ. And the language there that he uses is saying that the picture of marriage is ultimately a reflection of God's design for the church because the church, he says that Christ is the bridegroom and the church is his bride. So where that significant is is what Jesus believed about the church was that it belonged to him, that he loved it so much that he was willing to lay down his life to rescue it and to bring it in the right relationship with him. So that means to Christ, our Lord, if we're Christians and we say that, then that means that the church is something that he loves and he cares for and is important to him.
• 6:24
  And so if we say that we are a follower of that biblical Jesus, then it doesn't make any sense to say I love Jesus, but the church can kick rocks. You know what I'm saying? Like, that's just contradictory in and of itself. And so so the reason that church should matter to us as parents and we should teach our kids if they say they're Christians that it should matter to them is because it matters to Jesus. And we are teaching them what Jesus taught and what Jesus said and to value what he matters the most, which is his bride.
• 6:54
  Speaker 1: That's good. I think about you and Audrey and especially with your older kids, I feel like you guys have done a good job at modeling it. Right? So Libby, we rely on Libby on Sundays now. She comes early and makes coffee and hangs out with us.
• 7:09
  I would think, I think she thinks that we're her friends and and we enjoy spending time with her, but it's because you guys built that and showed her. And I think that's really important as a kids kids are growing.
• 7:21
  Speaker 2: Yeah. I always joke with Livy that I always say she hurts my feelings on Sunday mornings because when she gets there, she'll just like immediately ditch me to go to go hang out with you guys so that y'all can serve together and stuff like that.
• 7:32
  Speaker 1: Yeah. She's so fun. So what are some practical ways parents can help cultivate a healthy view of the church?
• 7:40
  Speaker 2: Here's a couple that I hope is is helpful to the parents in our church. One is on Sunday after the worship service, whenever you go to lunch, spend some time talking about whatever was preached inside of the sermon, especially with teenagers, young adults, college students. And so you you open up that conversation and say, okay. What was the sermon about? This is something that God taught me from that sermon.
• 8:07
  How does it apply to our lives? If your kids are not that that age and they're not in the service, so that's everybody that's not in Greenhouse, you could say, hey, what was the bible study in your class? What did you guys study? And you're not quizzing them, but you're essentially trying to take what God did on Sunday morning and to bring it into your home, bring it around the table where you guys are eating. And the prayer would be that you would be able to disciple them by bringing that up.
• 8:33
  Like we do that with Zeke. Zeke just had to start coming to the service. He wasn't really excited about that because he's in greenhouse, you know. Right. He's younger.
• 8:40
  And so the first three weeks, I'd say, hey, what was the sermon about? What were some of the songs that we sang? And he would just be like, man, I don't know, you know? I'd rather be back in kids church. And he's a kid.
• 8:52
  That's how he thinks. And he's Christian. And so we finally, after about three weeks of asking him that and trying to create dialogue, he he has something to say, you know, and he'll say, sing every song and and this is what the sermon was about. He's like prepared because he knows that's what we're gonna talk about on Sundays. And such a simple thing that parents can do to continue the conversation around the the lunch table.
• 9:11
  Right. The other thing you can do is is and this is super practical, in your home, when you're cleaning, when you're hanging out, in your car, when you're driving around, you can play the worship music and the specific songs that we sing in our church on a regular basis. We have that in a Spotify playlist that we can share with any parent that wants it. James has already done that. And so you can download that playlist and just have it playing in your home, in your vehicle all the time.
• 9:36
  And the goal would be that that when your kids come to church, that the first time they've heard In Christ Alone or the only time they've heard In Christ Alone or Living Hope and all the songs that we sing would not just be in church on Sunday, but they've heard it throughout the week and they're gonna be familiar with it and they're gonna love the music because it's playing all the time around them. The last thing you can do is you can just make it a commitment to speak very highly of the church and do your very best not to be negative or to bash the church, in your home around your kids. Now there are lots of things in our church that people could say that's not what it needs to be. I know that. I'm the pastor.
• 10:14
  There's tons of things at every single church that is not perfect. And so I'm not saying you can't have an opinion on that. I am saying that don't share that negative opinion, that criticism, that feedback around your kids because kids it fuels negativity in them and it spreads negativity about the local church. And so it's sort of like the analogy thing about is like with Audrey and I. Like, Audrey and I don't argue or challenge one another in our patterns of sin in front of the kids because we just don't think that's healthy.
• 10:43
  Like, knows things about me that I struggle with. I know things that Audrey struggles with. But if we share that around our children, then our children are gonna know those things that they're not mature enough yet to know. And so when Audrey and I have those hard conversations and we do, we do it behind a closed door where our kids don't see that. And so I kinda feel that way about the church.
• 11:01
  Like there's nothing wrong with being transparent and honest and and sharing things about the church, but if every time our kids hear us talk about the church, we're complaining about the music or fired up about there not being this thing that we think that we want, then it's just gonna have a bad impact on how they think about the church. And so my encouragement to them is speak highly of it. It doesn't mean you don't need to listen to the criticism, but it just means that we wanna celebrate what God's doing. We need to value it like it's the bride of Christ, and it's important to him.
• 11:30
  Speaker 1: Thanks for spending time with us here on Cultivate. Remember, growth doesn't happen overnight. But as we stay rooted in Christ, he is faithful to bring the harvest. Until next time.