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#53 Microdose Episode: The Magic of Metaphors · College Is Fine, Everything's Fine

I'm Dr. Sarah Olivo and I'm Dr. Liz Seidler and you're listening to College is Fine. Everything's fine.Hi, Sarah,Hi,I didn't even get to share this with you yet, but we're only recording today because I was recently diagnosed with laryngitis and bronchitis. And you know that I love my pod and you, my podcast voice with a little nasally nest to it. So,it's, it makes it that much better. Just like, I take you so much more seriously when you can barelyright. And, and, you know, some of my college students mistakenly think that I was at a party or um, the Taylor Swift concert, but no, this your heart out. Yeah, no, but, um, I was a little nervous today wasn't going to happen, but luckily, you know, antibiotics and some, um, a lot of water has helped. I've turned a corner and we're here today to talk about, I think I have labeled you.I can't, I'm going to have to look back to our episodes as the metaphor queen.And yeah. And before you take the throne, um, I'm going to start, uh, well, let's, let'sstart with like, why are we talking about metaphors? And, you know, we were just talking before we started recording. I was like, I think, um, Last week, one patient sent me 16 different tick tocks after our session being like, Liz, I don't think I did a great job explaining, like, what I was feeling or thinking and these, these 30 second videos explain my experience entirely, or, um, A meme or something that someone has created that really resonates with someone or it's like a light bulb moment kind of goes off, like to describe something about their psyche.Um, and before memes and TikTok existed, right, have used metaphors a lot with clients that we work with, And they can be useful for a lot of reasons. I know for me,, it can help. A client maybe like recognize a problem that they're having, it can help them kind of get unstuck from a behavior or a thought pattern that might be getting in the way of them reaching a goal that they want.Oh,uh, hit home more than a really long lecture. You know, if you think back to a professor giving you a really long technical lecture versus just telling a story that helps it hit home. So I've always felt like metaphors are a nice life hack, especially when I'm trying to talk with someone about a concept or explain it and their eyes glaze over. I'm like, all right, yeah, right. Okay. I'm getting pretty boring. So I think it could be a real shortcut that people can just say, you know, like a quick thing or a quick phrase and they understand it. So I think it's just nice to have a couple on hand because it's a shortcut. Instead of saying this whole long explanation ofsomething, you have like a quick shortcut. , and we're going to give you guys some of our fan favorites.Okay. All right. Well, I'll start. So, um, this is actually based upon a true story. So I moved from New York city to the suburbs of Connecticut and I did grow up in the winter, you know, a seasonal area. But one time I was sitting with a client and, um, an alarm went off on my phone and like, you know, that big alarm like, and it's like, There's a winter squall.And I remember turning to my client. I was like, what's a winter squall? Essentially, for those of you that might not experience this type of weather, it's a very windy with some level of flurrying. Kind of, it kind of comes in quickly and leaves. So when this happened, the squall, a car alarm went off in the parking lot.Now, again, this is a very, um, safe town that my practice is in. So nobody was busting into the car, right? With a hanger. I usually say this to clients. I'm kind of like, I'm explaining this to them. I'm like, when the car alarm went off, did you think somebody was kind of busting into the car with a hanger?And they're like, no. Um, and I'm like, well, why did the car alarm go off? And the car alarm went off because. The wiring likely was faulty in the car, like car alarms shouldn't go off when it's windy outside. Right? And thisIRight. The base. I hope it doesn't. Um, so this false alarm analogy I think is really helpful, particularly with anxiety for us to kind of understand that for some reason our alarm system, which is really helpful to us in terms of our wiring and our biology can get too sensitive sometimes.And part of the work that we need to do, whether it's in therapy or even outside of therapy is to recalibrate. Our alarm system, so it's not overly sensitive and that it's working in the way that it's supposed to be working. So that's my and an alarm system like that. I think a lot of people use that type of language to understand panic and anxiety.But for a lot of my clients, they're like, I will never forget a winter squall. I didn't know what that was as well. Uh, and they'll even say when I hear alarms going off, I'm always thinking like. Why is that going off? Right? Mm hmm. Like, you know, maybe they're and it kind of reminds them that we all have this wiring and life events can kind of influence when maybe it's overly working and not working in the right way.And it's our job to kind of right size things.Right. I love it. No, I love that. And it actually reminds me of a time where I was trying to describe like false alarm system. And I don't think I had your good winter squall. Story to tell, but this boy I was working with actually said, Oh, it's like this time where The smoke alarm went off in my school and all these fire trucks came and we all had to leave and it wasn't even like a test, like they werereally there and they went in and even the teachers felt a little anxious about it and it turned out that it was just burnt toast.One of the teachers had burnt some toast, and so we started calling his false alarm, burnt toast, you know, is this like a real fire? Is it just burnt toast? And so it's a fun little way that we had some language around it. Um, and I'll still think of him whenever I, whenever I, you know, will burn toast, which, you know, it can happen all the time. Um, But I, you know, so it was, it became kind of a fun way for just us to have that conversation. One of my, one of my favorites that I talk about is the tale of the donkey and the stick. So this is a metaphor, but also a little bit of a, a little bit of a fable, right? And it's this idea of there's a donkey and his job was to get things from a farm to market.And he worked with this farmer who really needed him to get the farm. To get all his materials from the farm to the market and, you know, the donkey had to load it up on his in his baskets on his back and he had to make the trek. And so this one particular farmer would load him up. With all this stuff on his back, and that was fine.The donkey could handle it. Not comfortable, but he could handle it. And, but then they had to start this long journey over this rocky road. And the sun was beating down. It was really, really hot. And the ground was really pebbly. So it was hurting his feet. And every single time the donkey would stop to get a little bit of a rest, the don, the farmer would just take a stick and whack him in the rear.All right, so he just kind of whacked him in the ass, and then the donkey would sort of reluctantly keep going. And then, of course, he'd get thirsty and hot, and the load would feel heavy, and his feet would hurt, and the The farmer would whack him in the butt again with the stick. And so over time, the donkey does get to market.He, um, you know, he takes off the load and he eventually gets to where he needs to be. The job is done, but you can imagine how that donkey feels at the end of that journey, even though he's a, accomplish what he needed to do. He feels deflated and upset and unseen and sad. And so then you think about another option, right? And another type of farmer and a donkey who has the same exact job. So the donkey does have to go and take a heavy load on a hot day across a pebbly road to market. But this farmer, instead of hitting him with a stick, will every now and then, if he starts to notice That the donkey is slowing down. He will give him a carrot, right? And then he'll keep going. He'll keep going. Eventually, because the sun is still hot, the road is still rocky, and everything's still heavy, he'll give the donkey a carrot. And as they go through, they eventually get to the place where they needed to be. The journey is done. The donkey is still hot. The load was still heavy.His feet still sore. But this whole time he's been going, he's been nourished with carrots and that is how he gets there and feels a sense of accomplishment. He feels seen and taken care of. And I talk to a lot of people and I'll say, well, which one are you to yourself? Are you the stick or are you the carrot? And it becomes a discussion around this idea of should thinking or negative self talk or the ways that we try to motivate ourselves to get to a place where it is hard. All right, it is hard to do that. We can't always Not do the journey. We have to take the test or have the conversation with that friend that we don't want to. But if you're, if you're using the stick approach, then you're gonna get to the end of it and feel deflated. And you're going to have not really validated your experience. If you can give yourself or find yourself like, what is the carrot? What is the thing that can kind of nourish you as you go? Maybe if it's a test, it feels like, all right, I can sort of be proud of the work I've put in.I can give myself some positive self talk. Um, but it's more of like that, that value that's leading you. Can feel nourishing even when things get hard as opposed to a lot of self criticism and should thinking. So, yeah, so that will be the kind of shortcut I'll say with my, my, you know, students that I'm working with.I'll say like, okay, wait, hold on. What do you think you're doing right now? Are you being the stick or are you being the carrot? And itbecomes shorthand for what, you know, they can kind of feel, you know, once you say it, like you can notice or just like, Oh yeah, I'm totally the stick. No question. I'm using theStick.So, yeah. Yeah. Sarah, I love that. Um, your donkey talk did remind me that there is a Shrek coming out. I don't know if you're aware of No. Thrilled.I Saved a date.Save the date, guys. It's been like 20 years of Shrek and they're having a revival. Um, and that's definitely, um, my favorite donkey. So, okay. There's so many metaphors about negative thoughts. And I think that let's maybe you have one. And I mean, yours was a little bit about that, um, that and I think that's such a common experience in terms of how do we get rid of negative thoughts?I don't want to be thinking this way. And then we obviously know that thoughts fuel our behaviors and that can be. Really challenging so, you know, there's two ways I like to do this one. I do like a garden metaphor, even though I'm a terrible gardener and it's really amazing that I have one plant in my office that's still surviving.Um, FYI, it's called a snake plant and apparently it's very hard to kill. If you know, you're looking for something in your dorm room that doesn't take a lot of tending to. Uh, say, just to let you know, whenever I go pick up a plant, I always say, which ones thrive on neglect?And then they share things like the snake plant, so.Well, a garden that you definitely do want to tend to is the one of the mind.And I Oh, that was a really good. Oh, that was really good.I like how you brought that back. you know, I just, it might be the antibiotics guys. I don't know. So, um,hmm. Mmthis is that, You know, we have a lot of different types of thoughts that are in our mind and the ones that we focus on more, right? Um, and in this case, let's say we're watering them more. We're paying more attention to them.We're really deciding how much sunlight they should get. We're just magnifying and focusing on them. We are going to either increase the frequency of those thoughts, or we're going to make a lot of meaning behind our thinking. And. You know, you had said in a another episode, I'm trying to think, um, but there's this concept of kind of mental fitness, right?And this is where I kind of describe to clients that I'm working with that, , you don't want to wait until your garden is, , filled with these, annoying weeds that are, , over, you know, like, and basically a landscaper comes and they're, like, Nothing you can do about this. This is a lifetime of weeds and where you constantly feel like you're battling them.Right. And it's overwhelming that you really want to be aware of what is going on in this mental garden and how can I develop this, so it's really, it's a good skill to decide which ones I'm going to, pay attention to, which ones I'm going to nurture, um, so that they grow, and that they'll be the ones that are more present, right, in my mind, versus the more kind of troubling thoughts.So it's really, I think, a good, um, Whether it's a garden, I'm sure you have another one that you use, but a way for us to kind of say that we have to be aware of what's growing in our mind and what we are feeding into and realize that this influences our mood state.hmm. I love that. Yeah. No, I, and as you were talking, I was realizing I just bought a new house and I was like, oh, right. I'll just send people a picture of my yard. for what you don't want it to look like. It'll be nice visual to go with the metaphor. Um, you know, it's funny because every, as you're talking, I'm realizing how many I like, and it's hard to pick which one I want to use next.So we'll make sure to have a couple of these. If, if people feel like they're helpful, we'll have a few of these episodes where we share some of our favorites, but I like that you had one that came from your real life. And there's one that I actually use a lot from my real life, and it's, I do want to start the story, this is another story about an animal.Oh my gosh. Is it a donkey?No, no, because I was scuba diving, so,Ooh. Ooh.I want you to know, um, I'll tell you at the end, the good part of the story anyway, but it's sad until then.So I was scuba diving and you know, you're really not supposed to touch anything when you're scuba diving. And we had a rogue instructor who was just, just tapping stuff and showing us stuff. And we were just, you know, you can't really say much cause you have like a mask on and you're underwater. So. Yeah. And at some point it goes up to this tiny octopus. And he holds this octopus. It was, I don't know if it was a baby or just a small octopus, but either way, it would fit in the palm of his hand, and he kind of captured it. And I watched this little baby octopus just ink, ink, ink, ink, just, you know, all its defenses kind of just like, ugh, kind of got out of his system.You couldn't even see the scuba driver, the,Oh You couldn't even, I know you couldn't even see the scuba diver's face for a little while. It was just all over the place. And it was fascinating and sort of horrifying. And, and then once the octopus had gotten all of its ink out, just kind of laid down and gave up.It was, it was defeated. It was justsort of sitting there. And then, It was, we kind of floated away. so quick pause to say, I did go and find out that octopuses can re inkand that it wasn't, cause I was like, is it like, what happened? I was a littletraumatized. Um, so yeah, so we came back up and I found out that octopuses are able to, is that octopi?I don't know. Um,unsure.This little octopus was able to re ink itself and that it was able to then have more defenses and would then, instead of feeling kind of deflated, would beable to go and explore a bit more and find food and et cetera, et cetera. And so as I started to work with people who had just gone through so much, right, they were sort of on the defense or they'd been depleted because of stress. And just kind of felt and looked and had the feeling of that octopus just kind of lying there like I give up and I said, listen, you know, there are ways to reink and I would tell them that story and it became a conversation point to say, all right, are you, you know, have you lost all your ink?How can we reink? Um, and so that's a little metaphor that I'll use sometimes even, you know, with myself, I'll think, okay, I feel like I've totally lost all my ink. I need, it's time to re ink. And it's similar to the, you know, you said an emotional savings account in a formal episode. Um, You said an emotional savings account in a former episode.So, you know, there are a lot of different metaphors for different things. Sometimes it's just about finding the ones that speak to you. Andif you want to listen to metaphors where, um, animals are tortured, you'll come to me. And if you want to listen to metaphors where people are building thriving gardens, you'll go to Liz.um, I mean. I'm never going to think about an octopus again and, you know, in a different, a different way, but no, I really, I really, I think that, you know, any of the ones that we shared today, um, are just ways to kind of take a step back, get perspective, maybe have an aha moment, right? Think about things a little bit differently. Okay. Maybe there's a Tok that you guys want to share with us that might be helpful, right. I think we, we will defer to the youngs for the funTikTok content. I imagine there are people listening to us have so much creativity. So I think it'd be fun for you to think about your metaphorsand ways you can use story and metaphor to have some shortcuts in your life.Perfect. Love it. Well, we'll be back. My voice will be back fully back to its boring self and another episode. And, uh, we look forward to hearing you on social media. I love, you know, seeing content online that can enhance my work. Make me laugh.hmm. I think it's really cool that they send, I mean, this is like a side note that they send you the TikToks. That'sI mean, it's, it's, helpful and enjoyable and definitely cackle a lot. But, um, all right, Sarah, you goYeah. Signing off.You go get, you go re ink.you go get that carrot, tend to that garden. We'll see you next week.All right. Bye.Bye.Thank you to our guests for sharing their stories and their advice. 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