Latest / Life Will Be the Death of Me with Chelsea Handler / Hitting On People At Funerals

Transcript

Hitting On People At Funerals · Life Will Be the Death of Me with Chelsea Handler

• 0:00
  Speaker 1: Hi, everybody. Welcome to Dear Chelsea. Thanks for tuning in
• 0:04
  Speaker 1: and listening. Do you tune in it? I don't know
• 0:06
  Speaker 1: what goes on anymore. I have to say that I
• 0:11
  Speaker 1: had the absolute best time playing the Santa Barbara Bowl.
• 0:13
  Speaker 1: I want to thank everyone who was there. It was
• 0:16
  Speaker 1: such good vibes. I had tons of friends come out,
• 0:19
  Speaker 1: and I'm just really excited about my stand up tour.
• 0:22
  Speaker 1: So I wanted to give you guys some more stand
• 0:25
  Speaker 1: up dates. If you live in Cincinnati, September, I'm coming
• 0:28
  Speaker 1: to Cincinnati. If you live there, get your tickets. I'm
• 0:31
  Speaker 1: coming to Detroit on October one. October two, I'm coming
• 0:35
  Speaker 1: to Indianapolis. That's in Indiana, and then October three I
• 0:40
  Speaker 1: will be in Grand Rapids, Michigan. So I am coming
• 0:43
  Speaker 1: to perform Taft Theater, Filmore Detroit, Detroit, the Murat in Indianapolis,
• 0:48
  Speaker 1: and then Davos Performance Hall in Grand Rapids. And if
• 0:53
  Speaker 1: you don't live in one of those cities, I'm probably
• 0:55
  Speaker 1: coming to a city near you. I'm coming to Florida.
• 0:58
  Speaker 1: There's a lot of action in Florida. I'm coming to Portland, Maine.
• 1:01
  Speaker 1: I'm coming to Jacksonville, Miami, Beach St. Petersburg, going to Arizona, Reno,
• 1:06
  Speaker 1: all of my places anyway. Look for tickets at Chelsea
• 1:10
  Speaker 1: handler dot com, ticket Master Live Nation only fans. So
• 1:16
  Speaker 1: I am coming to you, and I hope that you
• 1:20
  Speaker 1: guys come and see my vaccinated in Horny too are
• 1:22
  Speaker 1: because it's so much fun and I go off. It's
• 1:26
  Speaker 1: O G Chelsea, I am. I'm just so sick of
• 1:33
  Speaker 1: I've been trying. I've been homeless everybody for for I'm
• 1:35
  Speaker 1: not homeless. I'm in a rental house, but I might
• 1:37
  Speaker 1: as well be homeless because everything in this rental house
• 1:39
  Speaker 1: was broken so many times. I just can't even believe.
• 1:41
  Speaker 1: It's almost like I'm in a practical joke show like
• 1:44
  Speaker 1: Girls Behaving Badly, a show that I used to be on.
• 1:47
  Speaker 1: I feel like it's pranking me. First, there was an
• 1:50
  Speaker 1: electrical fire. I had to be taken out of the
• 1:53
  Speaker 1: house by the l A p D. Or no, the
• 1:55
  Speaker 1: l A Fire Department. The police were not there, thankfully
• 1:59
  Speaker 1: because they don't like me either, and they had to
• 2:02
  Speaker 1: basically lift me over the gate to the rental house
• 2:05
  Speaker 1: because the gate would not open or close. So I
• 2:07
  Speaker 1: slept in a hotel for seven days. Then I came back.
• 2:10
  Speaker 1: Then the A C broke in the house, then the
• 2:13
  Speaker 1: oven broke, then the air conditioning broke again, and then
• 2:16
  Speaker 1: they pulled something out of the air conditioning unit that
• 2:18
  Speaker 1: looked like something my father would have dreury rigged together
• 2:21
  Speaker 1: when he was a car dealer, a used car dealer.
• 2:23
  Speaker 1: It was like duct tape, like a phone wrapped in
• 2:27
  Speaker 1: duct tape, with styrophone stuffed in between the phone and
• 2:29
  Speaker 1: the duct tape in the middle of the air conditioning conduit.
• 2:32
  Speaker 1: And I just looked at it, and I thought, is
• 2:34
  Speaker 1: this my father haunting me? I am in a rental
• 2:37
  Speaker 1: house that is tantamount to the rental house that my
• 2:40
  Speaker 1: father used to rent on Martha's Vineyard, where he described
• 2:43
  Speaker 1: the basement as a pie de te, Like, I am
• 2:46
  Speaker 1: paying a large amount of money for a house that
• 2:48
  Speaker 1: doesn't work, and the owners seem to think that they're
• 2:53
  Speaker 1: not responsible for any of these inconveniences. So I am
• 2:56
  Speaker 1: just like you know, and I'm at a point where
• 2:59
  Speaker 1: obviously I'm not gonna get involved with these kinds of
• 3:03
  Speaker 1: arguments and stuff because I just can't. It's too silly
• 3:07
  Speaker 1: and it's too much of a waste of your time.
• 3:10
  Speaker 1: But I would like to go on the record and
• 3:12
  Speaker 1: say that I have not cried once, and five years ago,
• 3:16
  Speaker 1: before therapy, I would have been a real basket case.
• 3:19
  Speaker 1: But I've slept without air conditioning several nights. Now I
• 3:22
  Speaker 1: have fans that I have to turn on, and I'm thriving,
• 3:26
  Speaker 1: you know, just waiting to get the hell out of there.
• 3:28
  Speaker 1: So if anyone knows of another rental that I could
• 3:30
  Speaker 1: rent in the meantime, please, I'm looking in that Greater
• 3:35
  Speaker 1: l A area. Maybe it's time for me to move
• 3:38
  Speaker 1: to the valley. Maybe I just give it and give up.
• 3:40
  Speaker 1: And additionally, I had a house that I bought, but
• 3:43
  Speaker 1: then I found out that Mulholland Drive owns like part
• 3:47
  Speaker 1: of the land in front of the house that I bought.
• 3:50
  Speaker 1: So I pulled out of that house as soon as
• 3:52
  Speaker 1: I found out that at any point the city of
• 3:54
  Speaker 1: Los Angeles could decide to widen Mulholland and my lawn
• 3:58
  Speaker 1: would be shortened. I thought. That also reminded me of
• 4:01
  Speaker 1: my father. They have an easeman. I thought my father
• 4:03
  Speaker 1: would buy a house with an easement like that, where
• 4:06
  Speaker 1: you thought, you know, it's unlikely that that would happen.
• 4:08
  Speaker 1: Maybe it isn't unlikely. It seems unlikely. It seems like
• 4:11
  Speaker 1: it would be hugely expensive to widen Mulholland. But in
• 4:14
  Speaker 1: the event that they did decide to do that, I
• 4:16
  Speaker 1: would just have to let that happen. Totally devalues the
• 4:18
  Speaker 1: property and the privacy. So I have no house again.
• 4:21
  Speaker 1: So I feel like a nomad right now. I feel
• 4:25
  Speaker 1: very like anchor rudderless, you know, without a house. But
• 4:29
  Speaker 1: I also I don't want to commit to Los Angeles.
• 4:32
  Speaker 1: I have this I don't know. I'm going through something.
• 4:34
  Speaker 1: Hopefully it's early menopause. And in other exciting news last
• 4:38
  Speaker 1: week's episode where we talked about Pandemic of Love, my
• 4:41
  Speaker 1: friend who runs Pandemic of Love. You can follow her
• 4:44
  Speaker 1: at Mindful Skater Girl on Instagram. Her name is Shelly
• 4:47
  Speaker 1: to Gilski, who I will have as a guest when
• 4:50
  Speaker 1: we return for season two. For sure, we had over
• 4:54
  Speaker 1: a thousand listeners call in to become donors at Pandemic
• 4:57
  Speaker 1: of Love, so a thousand of you got eyes heard
• 5:01
  Speaker 1: that and then decided to go help a stranger in
• 5:04
  Speaker 1: the name of mutual aid. So I just want to
• 5:06
  Speaker 1: say thank you to everybody who did that and for
• 5:10
  Speaker 1: the people who are struggling right now and receiving mutual
• 5:14
  Speaker 1: aid from strangers and people who are kind enough to
• 5:18
  Speaker 1: help you. You will be in a position in the
• 5:21
  Speaker 1: future where you will be able to do the same
• 5:22
  Speaker 1: for others. So it's the gift of giving, and it
• 5:25
  Speaker 1: continues and it's a beautiful thing. And I can't wait
• 5:28
  Speaker 1: for you guys all to meet Shelley because she's just
• 5:29
  Speaker 1: a great friend and she's just started this incredible organization
• 5:33
  Speaker 1: and everyone who hits me up on Instagram that I
• 5:36
  Speaker 1: turn over to her, she has helped pay their bills.
• 5:39
  Speaker 1: They vet everybody to make sure that they are paying
• 5:41
  Speaker 1: the bills directly, and they're helping people in their times
• 5:44
  Speaker 1: of need. So this is important and it's a good
• 5:47
  Speaker 1: reminder about humanity. And then not everybody's a fucking asshole. Okay, Okay, anyway,
• 5:53
  Speaker 1: what do we do now, Brandon? Okay, So this is
• 5:55
  Speaker 1: pasting future. So these are questions people have about past
• 5:58
  Speaker 1: issues or upcome events. So one of them is a
• 6:03
  Speaker 1: question about a new job. Someone who is cautious about
• 6:06
  Speaker 1: releasing his memoir, someone who can stop thinking about her
• 6:09
  Speaker 1: childhood crush. So we cover a lot of bases today
• 6:13
  Speaker 1: and our first submission comes from Ashley. We actually have
• 6:15
  Speaker 1: a little voice note from her. She's twenty nine out
• 6:18
  Speaker 1: of Houston. She's a teacher, so let's play her voice memo.
• 6:23
  Speaker 1: Hi there. I'm Ashley, a twenty nine year old teacher
• 6:25
  Speaker 1: in Houston, and I'm having a hard time deciding if
• 6:28
  Speaker 1: I should stay at the school i'm at or move on,
• 6:31
  Speaker 1: maybe even try a new city. I'd give the school
• 6:33
  Speaker 1: I work out five out of ten. Leadership is awful. However,
• 6:38
  Speaker 1: my partner teacher is my best friend and I love
• 6:41
  Speaker 1: working with her. The thought of leaving what I know
• 6:43
  Speaker 1: for something different gives me major anxiety, and I tend
• 6:47
  Speaker 1: to shut down. There's a part of me that would
• 6:49
  Speaker 1: love to live in a different city and move on.
• 6:51
  Speaker 1: But what if I move and it's a worse situation.
• 6:55
  Speaker 1: Should I just be thankful for the good I have
• 6:56
  Speaker 1: and leave it alone? Thank you? I would say that
• 7:01
  Speaker 1: if you have severe anxiety that you're already worried about
• 7:06
  Speaker 1: that will be a result of moving into a situation
• 7:09
  Speaker 1: that you're not going to have a clear idea about
• 7:12
  Speaker 1: for a long time, that you might want to just
• 7:15
  Speaker 1: stay where you are. You've got a best friend, that
• 7:17
  Speaker 1: you love working with. That's a lot more than a
• 7:19
  Speaker 1: lot of people have. And if she's a teacher, right,
• 7:23
  Speaker 1: and if you are a teacher and there's poor leadership
• 7:25
  Speaker 1: where you're teaching, I would say that they need you
• 7:28
  Speaker 1: even more if you love your job and what you do.
• 7:31
  Speaker 1: If it's a five out of a ten, you know,
• 7:33
  Speaker 1: maybe you and your friend can make that school six
• 7:35
  Speaker 1: out of a ten instead of a five out of ten. Like,
• 7:38
  Speaker 1: you have so much more influence than you even realize,
• 7:41
  Speaker 1: And so I wouldn't quit on the school because of
• 7:44
  Speaker 1: the leadership. I would use that as a reason to
• 7:46
  Speaker 1: stay at the school because of the board leadership. What
• 7:49
  Speaker 1: do you think, sweetheart? I agree. I think that if
• 7:52
  Speaker 1: you do want to leave, it's always best to have
• 7:53
  Speaker 1: some sort of game plan in place. So if there
• 7:56
  Speaker 1: is a catalyst for you moving, like you really just
• 7:59
  Speaker 1: want to live in a new city, I can understand
• 8:01
  Speaker 1: that if you have things kind of set in place,
• 8:03
  Speaker 1: like you know, you've mentioned that you have a partner
• 8:05
  Speaker 1: teacher that you love working with, that you are happy
• 8:08
  Speaker 1: outside of the leadership that you're getting at the school,
• 8:13
  Speaker 1: then that should be more reason, as Chelsea said, for
• 8:16
  Speaker 1: you to invest in the school and make the change
• 8:19
  Speaker 1: you want to see. I think if you're having anxiety,
• 8:22
  Speaker 1: like if you need a guarantee that you're gonna love
• 8:24
  Speaker 1: the city you're going to move to, and that you're
• 8:25
  Speaker 1: going to find a new best friend and you're gonna
• 8:27
  Speaker 1: find with all these things. If you need that to
• 8:29
  Speaker 1: be guaranteed in order to make the move, then don't
• 8:31
  Speaker 1: make the move. Like you have to be open to
• 8:34
  Speaker 1: that maybe not working out and then maybe you go
• 8:36
  Speaker 1: to a different city. You kind of have to have
• 8:39
  Speaker 1: a different kind of attitude and a different set of anxiety, right, totally.
• 8:43
  Speaker 1: So yeah, I think you should probably stay what is
• 8:46
  Speaker 1: her name against Ashley. I think you should stay put
• 8:48
  Speaker 1: Ashley and continue to build your community and build a
• 8:52
  Speaker 1: school that you're in and just be a fucking badass
• 8:54
  Speaker 1: example for all your students and help them be better too.
• 8:58
  Speaker 1: That's that I feel like I need a protein shake.
• 9:01
  Speaker 1: I felt like that was a protein shake. Would you
• 9:04
  Speaker 1: like one of my meat six that you please don't
• 9:06
  Speaker 1: open the meat sticks inside the podcast studio. I haven't
• 9:09
  Speaker 1: eat it before it came into We have to find
• 9:11
  Speaker 1: a house where we can build where we can have
• 9:13
  Speaker 1: a room as a podcast studio because the studio we're
• 9:17
  Speaker 1: working out of. It's very sterile, and it's in the valley. Yeah,
• 9:21
  Speaker 1: you don't love the valley. I don't mind the valley. Actually,
• 9:24
  Speaker 1: I have to say, this is a very short jaunt
• 9:27
  Speaker 1: and it's very easy to come here, so I don't
• 9:29
  Speaker 1: mind the valley. It's better than going to Beverly Hills.
• 9:31
  Speaker 1: Beverly Hills is the worst, and it's way better than
• 9:34
  Speaker 1: when we have to drive over to Hollywood. Oh well, yeah,
• 9:38
  Speaker 1: that was the worst. Hollywood is a bit it's just
• 9:41
  Speaker 1: a bit dirty. It's it's very dirty. Olive l A
• 9:43
  Speaker 1: is getting very dirty. Honestly, it's alarming. Okay, we're going
• 9:48
  Speaker 1: to take a break for a quick at and we'll
• 9:50
  Speaker 1: be right back. Our next mission comes from Oh this
• 9:54
  Speaker 1: is an interesting name, truf um t r E f
• 9:57
  Speaker 1: o M. He's on the East Coast. He's a writer,
• 10:01
  Speaker 1: and he says, Dear Chelsea, life will be the death
• 10:04
  Speaker 1: of Me was so excellent that it moved me to
• 10:06
  Speaker 1: finally write the memoir that I have been rattling around
• 10:08
  Speaker 1: in my brain for many years. The challenges that it's
• 10:11
  Speaker 1: pretty unflattering to my mother and one of my sisters.
• 10:13
  Speaker 1: Do I go ahead with it. I'm even using a pseudonym.
• 10:16
  Speaker 1: But I'm still unsure. My mother has dementia, so she'll
• 10:19
  Speaker 1: likely never be offended, but my sister certainly will. She
• 10:22
  Speaker 1: hasn't spoken to me more than six years. I have
• 10:24
  Speaker 1: no idea why I'm guessing I'm an asshole or something. Well,
• 10:28
  Speaker 1: it's good to self assess in that in that way,
• 10:30
  Speaker 1: he goes on to say, But but in the final analysis,
• 10:34
  Speaker 1: she sucked me over pretty good when we were kids,
• 10:37
  Speaker 1: So should I even care what she thinks about the memoir?
• 10:39
  Speaker 1: P s. I'm not just some winker who thinks I
• 10:41
  Speaker 1: can write a memoir. I'm a professional writer with more
• 10:44
  Speaker 1: than thirty years of experience. And he's on the phone. Hi,
• 10:47
  Speaker 1: Cheff Chaffam cheff M. Yeah, So Traffam's my pen name,
• 10:51
  Speaker 1: Truff Markoff. It's actually my great grandfather's name. He was
• 10:54
  Speaker 1: a Russian immigrant. Okay, I was going to say, that's
• 10:56
  Speaker 1: not a name I've ever heard. So, but if you've
• 10:59
  Speaker 1: been working with the name, okay, got it? Russian? Okay,
• 11:01
  Speaker 1: that's why I haven't heard it. So why doesn't your
• 11:04
  Speaker 1: sister talk to you? Chelsea? I wish I knew, I
• 11:08
  Speaker 1: really wish I knew so about seven or so years ago.
• 11:12
  Speaker 1: She just kind of turned me off, didn't respond to emails,
• 11:16
  Speaker 1: text phone calls. I wanted to reach out, I mean,
• 11:19
  Speaker 1: I tried to several times over the course of the
• 11:21
  Speaker 1: first I don't know, like two or three years, and
• 11:25
  Speaker 1: I never got a response. So eventually, you know, I
• 11:27
  Speaker 1: just started feeling got chumped, and I thought, I'm done
• 11:30
  Speaker 1: with this. If she doesn't want me in her life,
• 11:33
  Speaker 1: I'm done with this. But is there anything that could
• 11:34
  Speaker 1: have happened that you think might be the reason why
• 11:37
  Speaker 1: she's not speaking to you. I mean, I guess there's
• 11:40
  Speaker 1: no single incident I think that stands out in my mind.
• 11:44
  Speaker 1: She's always been very jealous of the fact that I
• 11:46
  Speaker 1: have a good relationship with my in laws, and things are,
• 11:49
  Speaker 1: you know, oftentimes strained with my own family of origin,
• 11:54
  Speaker 1: you know, mostly her and my mother. But a particular
• 11:58
  Speaker 1: incident I don't know, and this goes October two was
• 12:02
  Speaker 1: the last I heard from her. And do you have
• 12:04
  Speaker 1: other siblings? I do. I have a younger sister and
• 12:07
  Speaker 1: a younger brother. Relationship is good with both of them.
• 12:10
  Speaker 1: My mother is eighty and she's dealing with pretty fair
• 12:15
  Speaker 1: amount of dementia, even though she doesn't admit that. Okay,
• 12:19
  Speaker 1: well most people with dementia don't right anyway, So sorry
• 12:25
  Speaker 1: we topic. Okay, but wait, I'm not done with your siblings.
• 12:30
  Speaker 1: So that you are other two siblings that you do
• 12:32
  Speaker 1: have a healthy relationship with. Do they talk to your
• 12:35
  Speaker 1: sister not in a healthy way? You know, there's there's
• 12:42
  Speaker 1: things that they have to do and discuss in relation
• 12:45
  Speaker 1: to taking care of our mother. But you know it's
• 12:48
  Speaker 1: not like you know, me and my younger brother and
• 12:50
  Speaker 1: my younger sister, we actually get along. We have good relationships.
• 12:55
  Speaker 1: They are a few years younger. So the deal with
• 12:58
  Speaker 1: my older sister is that we're only eleven months apart.
• 13:00
  Speaker 1: We were born in the same calendar year. She in
• 13:02
  Speaker 1: January and I had December, so we were basically raised
• 13:06
  Speaker 1: together and the dynamic hasn't changed from when we were kids.
• 13:11
  Speaker 1: She is a professional judger. She judges, that's what she does.
• 13:15
  Speaker 1: And so my you know, my entire childhood growing up
• 13:18
  Speaker 1: with her was her judging everything I did, everything I said,
• 13:23
  Speaker 1: everything that meant something to me, my friends, my girlfriends,
• 13:27
  Speaker 1: and so she carried that over into our adult lives.
• 13:31
  Speaker 1: She just you know, never stopped being that person, and
• 13:35
  Speaker 1: so now the memories that I have of my childhood
• 13:38
  Speaker 1: are kind of veiled with a shroud of her judgment,
• 13:42
  Speaker 1: of like in her voice. So you know, it's had
• 13:46
  Speaker 1: that kind of a of a profound impact on me,
• 13:49
  Speaker 1: to the point where now that I'm I'm writing a
• 13:51
  Speaker 1: manuscript about my younger years, what do I do with that?
• 13:56
  Speaker 1: You know? Am I brutally honest about the way this
• 13:59
  Speaker 1: affected me? Or do I be the kinder person and
• 14:03
  Speaker 1: temper what I write without the brutal honesty. And I
• 14:06
  Speaker 1: was profoundly moved by Life will be the Death of Me, Chelsea.
• 14:10
  Speaker 1: So and that's kind of inspired me. I've been a
• 14:13
  Speaker 1: professional writer for so many years. This is the first
• 14:14
  Speaker 1: time I'm actually writing something about me, and it's because
• 14:17
  Speaker 1: of your book. Oh wow, well thank you. Okay, So
• 14:21
  Speaker 1: you're you're describing the dynamic between you and your sister,
• 14:24
  Speaker 1: and you're describing her behavior. Can I ask you about
• 14:27
  Speaker 1: your own behavior in relation to your sister, Like, how
• 14:30
  Speaker 1: did you what's your part in that? I'm the younger one,
• 14:33
  Speaker 1: I'm eleven months younger, So when we were kids, you know,
• 14:36
  Speaker 1: she got to experience everything before I did, and so
• 14:39
  Speaker 1: I tried to, I guess, you know, have that to
• 14:44
  Speaker 1: look up to, but it never really worked out. And
• 14:47
  Speaker 1: then by the time we were teenagers, and then you know,
• 14:51
  Speaker 1: in our younger twenties, I want to say, I was
• 14:55
  Speaker 1: maybe twenty or twenty one when our when our father
• 14:57
  Speaker 1: died so young, the dynamics changed even more so where
• 15:02
  Speaker 1: I was taking care of the house and trying to
• 15:05
  Speaker 1: put myself through college, and I was immediately thrust into adulthood,
• 15:09
  Speaker 1: but there was I don't think she had the same
• 15:12
  Speaker 1: kind of inclination to do that. So that kind of
• 15:16
  Speaker 1: set the pace for us in terms of what we
• 15:18
  Speaker 1: were going to be like as adults. And I always
• 15:21
  Speaker 1: wanted an older sister. I have a younger sister, a
• 15:24
  Speaker 1: younger brother. I wanted a healthy family dynamic. My wife's
• 15:27
  Speaker 1: family is a good example of that. It just it's
• 15:30
  Speaker 1: an apple and an orange, though it was just never
• 15:32
  Speaker 1: the same. Yeah, yeah, but you have to really think
• 15:34
  Speaker 1: about why she acted that way. You know, people who
• 15:37
  Speaker 1: are judging are unhappy, and it's about looking outward rather
• 15:41
  Speaker 1: than looking inward, right, And you have to try to
• 15:44
  Speaker 1: remember that she's obviously coming from a very different place
• 15:47
  Speaker 1: and have as much empathy for her as possible. So
• 15:50
  Speaker 1: it's it's a conflict because I hear what you're saying.
• 15:52
  Speaker 1: I would always want everyone to pursue their dreams. Like
• 15:55
  Speaker 1: you writing a novel for the first time, or not
• 15:57
  Speaker 1: a novel. You're writing your own story, right, and an
• 15:59
  Speaker 1: autobiographical story, so you're writing that. But if you're writing
• 16:02
  Speaker 1: under a pen name or an alias, like you know,
• 16:05
  Speaker 1: you're going to change all that. You have to change
• 16:07
  Speaker 1: all the real stuff anyway. Legally, when you're writing a
• 16:09
  Speaker 1: book like that, you have to make people unrecognizable and unidentifiable.
• 16:13
  Speaker 1: So you know, you have to make your sister somebody
• 16:16
  Speaker 1: with a different name and different occupations. She lives in
• 16:18
  Speaker 1: a different city, so there are ways to shroud that.
• 16:20
  Speaker 1: But if she do, you know that she's going to
• 16:22
  Speaker 1: be reading your stuff, because it sounds like she's pretty disengaged.
• 16:26
  Speaker 1: She's very disengaged. I have no idea. I look at
• 16:28
  Speaker 1: it this way, you know, with the decent relationships I
• 16:31
  Speaker 1: have with my other siblings, and if this does actually
• 16:35
  Speaker 1: come to light, you know that, you know, whether it's
• 16:38
  Speaker 1: just a personal manuscript or something that actually gets published.
• 16:42
  Speaker 1: I find it hard to believe that it won't be
• 16:44
  Speaker 1: revealed to her. Right, No, No, you know what. I
• 16:47
  Speaker 1: was just reminded by something my friend said to me once,
• 16:49
  Speaker 1: which is like, just assume everything you do is going
• 16:51
  Speaker 1: to be heard by the people that you're talking about,
• 16:54
  Speaker 1: and that's true, Like it will get back to her.
• 16:56
  Speaker 1: Of course, again, you could write a manuscript and it
• 17:00
  Speaker 1: could be published, or you could write a manuscript and
• 17:02
  Speaker 1: it couldn't be published. So it's a lot of ifs,
• 17:03
  Speaker 1: ants and butts, right, I mean, hopefully we're we're going
• 17:06
  Speaker 1: to work under the assumption that it will be published
• 17:08
  Speaker 1: and it will be a huge success. Excellent, Okay, So
• 17:12
  Speaker 1: worried about hurting her feelings? Brandon, what do you think
• 17:15
  Speaker 1: about that? While I think I think that you have
• 17:17
  Speaker 1: to write as authentically as possible, I don't think you're
• 17:20
  Speaker 1: going to do yourself any favors by minimizing your experience
• 17:25
  Speaker 1: because obviously it's still unsettling for you today and this
• 17:28
  Speaker 1: has been ongoing for a very long time. I think
• 17:31
  Speaker 1: you're both in a state of arrested development and your interactions,
• 17:34
  Speaker 1: and I think that probably comes from her not getting
• 17:36
  Speaker 1: the limelight that she thought she was due as the firstborn,
• 17:40
  Speaker 1: but tailed very closely by a brother, and my siblings
• 17:44
  Speaker 1: and I are all thirteen months apart, so I kind
• 17:46
  Speaker 1: of understand that dynamic where everyone was fighting to some
• 17:49
  Speaker 1: degree for the attention they thought they were owed. And
• 17:52
  Speaker 1: it seems like she took that into adulthood and upon
• 17:54
  Speaker 1: the death of your father, she knew the pillar she
• 17:58
  Speaker 1: was supposed to take as the l this child, but
• 18:01
  Speaker 1: forced you into that position basically because she's like, I'm
• 18:04
  Speaker 1: not doing this, like I didn't get my moment. I'm
• 18:06
  Speaker 1: not responsible for this. You deal with it, and she will,
• 18:11
  Speaker 1: without doubt read the manuscript whatever it turns into. She
• 18:15
  Speaker 1: will because she's narcissistic to some degree that again, she
• 18:18
  Speaker 1: didn't get that moment, Like now you're writing about her,
• 18:21
  Speaker 1: so that's really gonna like tickle her fancy in a way,
• 18:24
  Speaker 1: even if you know it's not flattering. But again, I
• 18:27
  Speaker 1: think that's why you have to write it authentically, and
• 18:29
  Speaker 1: there are appropriate and respectful ways to go about that
• 18:31
  Speaker 1: with her. You can send her a version of it
• 18:34
  Speaker 1: before it's released, before you do anything with and say
• 18:36
  Speaker 1: these this is my reference to our childhood. These are
• 18:40
  Speaker 1: my memories. I understand they may not align perfectly with
• 18:43
  Speaker 1: your experiences, but I do want you to have this.
• 18:45
  Speaker 1: I want you to be aware. If you'd like to
• 18:47
  Speaker 1: discuss anything before it goes out, I'm happy to do so.
• 18:50
  Speaker 1: Like there are ways to that's a nice way of
• 18:53
  Speaker 1: going about it. Yeah, they're I think they're just respectful.
• 18:55
  Speaker 1: Is that you have to operate in your best interest
• 18:58
  Speaker 1: as well, and in the best way. How you would
• 19:00
  Speaker 1: want someone to do that for you? And I don't
• 19:02
  Speaker 1: think you do those things to spite someone else. Like,
• 19:04
  Speaker 1: obviously you care for your sister. You know that's it's biological.
• 19:08
  Speaker 1: You can't not care for your siblings. But I also
• 19:11
  Speaker 1: don't think you have to prioritize how she's going to
• 19:13
  Speaker 1: feel to tell your story. Yeah, so, like I agree
• 19:18
  Speaker 1: with that. I want this to be authentic. I wanted
• 19:21
  Speaker 1: to be honest. These are you know, even though the
• 19:25
  Speaker 1: names have been changed, or real stories. These are my
• 19:28
  Speaker 1: real stories. And so you know, if I go in
• 19:31
  Speaker 1: there and and I write dishonestly by omission, then you
• 19:35
  Speaker 1: know it's not my story anymore. That's true, And you
• 19:37
  Speaker 1: do have every right to tell your story. And I
• 19:39
  Speaker 1: mean listen, just by the very fact that you're contemplating
• 19:42
  Speaker 1: it means that you're conscientious about it, which is a
• 19:45
  Speaker 1: good sign, which means you're not an narcissist or an asshole.
• 19:48
  Speaker 1: I mean, you might be an asshole and a narcissist,
• 19:50
  Speaker 1: but you know, these questions aren't down that line. So
• 19:53
  Speaker 1: again it's like you're writing under a pseudonym like I
• 19:56
  Speaker 1: think that allows a lot of room for people to
• 19:59
  Speaker 1: get over of themselves. But again, I think Brandon's advice
• 20:03
  Speaker 1: is spot on for this. I think providing her with
• 20:06
  Speaker 1: the materials beforehand so she doesn't have one more thing
• 20:09
  Speaker 1: to say she was blindsided, you know, so she doesn't
• 20:12
  Speaker 1: have any more ammunition against it. Be sensitive to the
• 20:15
  Speaker 1: fact that it is your sister that she is struggling.
• 20:18
  Speaker 1: You probably stole her thunder in a big way that
• 20:20
  Speaker 1: you have no idea about the mere presence of you
• 20:23
  Speaker 1: being born probably disrupted her entire flow right her, She
• 20:27
  Speaker 1: is off. So I would say that, yeah, that that's
• 20:31
  Speaker 1: all you can do because you can't prevent You can't
• 20:33
  Speaker 1: let somebody else's feelings prevent you from telling your truth. Well,
• 20:36
  Speaker 1: you know, I don't think I ever didn't believe that.
• 20:39
  Speaker 1: I think I just needed, you know, to hear somebody
• 20:41
  Speaker 1: say it. Yeah, Well great, I mean, problem solved sounds
• 20:44
  Speaker 1: like good luck with your manuscript. Well, thank you. Yeah,
• 20:49
  Speaker 1: I'm glad I didn't have to exit that zoom the
• 20:52
  Speaker 1: interworking of sibling relationships, because you know, I've written so
• 20:56
  Speaker 1: many books where I've exposed my siblings behavior are stunt,
• 21:00
  Speaker 1: stand up and talked about my family in ways that
• 21:03
  Speaker 1: has hurt them, and I've gotten in trouble and I've
• 21:06
  Speaker 1: hurt my sister's feelings a lot, or my brothers, and
• 21:11
  Speaker 1: you know, some of them are so insensitive that they
• 21:13
  Speaker 1: don't care and they're just like whatever. But I was
• 21:18
  Speaker 1: very insensitive not to run it past them because I
• 21:20
  Speaker 1: just think you're part of my family, like you gotta
• 21:22
  Speaker 1: you gotta suck it up, Like this is my story.
• 21:25
  Speaker 1: I'm going to tell it. You know. Of course I'm
• 21:27
  Speaker 1: going to tell a joke about it and stand up.
• 21:29
  Speaker 1: But I learned that that's not the right way to
• 21:31
  Speaker 1: go about it. So I think presenting the people with
• 21:33
  Speaker 1: the material is really the most upright thing to do.
• 21:37
  Speaker 1: Do you think that that reframes your stand up material
• 21:40
  Speaker 1: as well, So not just in in the books, but
• 21:43
  Speaker 1: when you're going to make a reference to somebody, I
• 21:45
  Speaker 1: know you've really been thoughtful about how to tell a
• 21:48
  Speaker 1: joke without making someone feel bad or bringing someone down.
• 21:52
  Speaker 1: Do you think that that affects how you present your comedy.
• 21:56
  Speaker 1: Did you think it affects your comedy being any less
• 21:58
  Speaker 1: funny in a way? Well, I mean there's always an
• 22:02
  Speaker 1: asshole to make fun of it, right, There's no shortage
• 22:05
  Speaker 1: of assholes luckily. But yeah, I mean it's a good
• 22:08
  Speaker 1: it's a good challenge to not be able to make
• 22:11
  Speaker 1: cheap jokes. That's a good challenge for anybody. Which is
• 22:14
  Speaker 1: a challenge I welcome. I like to be challenged. It
• 22:16
  Speaker 1: makes people work harder. I like to be given a
• 22:18
  Speaker 1: little structure because I'm so a structure list and so
• 22:21
  Speaker 1: chaotic that I like when somebody says, Okay, this is
• 22:23
  Speaker 1: the world you're going to live in. Now build a
• 22:25
  Speaker 1: house Like, okay, great, I like this. I like this challenge.
• 22:29
  Speaker 1: So but yeah, I have jokes that I've written that
• 22:31
  Speaker 1: are about you know, I'm like, this is a bit
• 22:34
  Speaker 1: that works. Is am I going to be able to
• 22:35
  Speaker 1: tell this on a special like it's about a member
• 22:38
  Speaker 1: of my family or it's you know, like it's gonna
• 22:40
  Speaker 1: always get back to that. There's never any way around
• 22:43
  Speaker 1: that for me. So, and what is your kind of
• 22:46
  Speaker 1: spectrum now or I don't know how we would look
• 22:48
  Speaker 1: at this, but when you are writing a joke and
• 22:52
  Speaker 1: you think it's funny, but it might be on the
• 22:54
  Speaker 1: threshold of like crossing a line, whether it be about
• 22:56
  Speaker 1: a family member or just something socially or you know, well,
• 23:01
  Speaker 1: like I want to tell I want to do this
• 23:03
  Speaker 1: bit about, you know, just white male privilege and how
• 23:06
  Speaker 1: even young people, you know, the guys that think their
• 23:09
  Speaker 1: woke and progressive, are aren't, you know, And and how
• 23:13
  Speaker 1: my nephew is woke and a liberal and very progressive,
• 23:16
  Speaker 1: but he's still is just basking in white male privilege,
• 23:21
  Speaker 1: basking in it, basking and it man splaining ship to
• 23:24
  Speaker 1: me left and right, all of us, and it's like,
• 23:27
  Speaker 1: oh my god. You know, like I remember when they
• 23:30
  Speaker 1: stayed with me during the quarantine. I'd walk downstairs and
• 23:33
  Speaker 1: he's just splayed out on my couch, you know, in
• 23:36
  Speaker 1: shorts with his legs open, and I'm like, meanwhile, the girls,
• 23:41
  Speaker 1: of which there were four of us, we're all we
• 23:44
  Speaker 1: have our air pods in because we're sharing a house together.
• 23:48
  Speaker 1: Nobody's sitting on the sofa spread Eagal and I want
• 23:51
  Speaker 1: to talk about that, you know, I want to talk
• 23:53
  Speaker 1: about how it's so inured into men's nature to take
• 23:56
  Speaker 1: up more space and to have less regard for others.
• 23:59
  Speaker 1: But I know my sister is gonna get pissed at
• 24:01
  Speaker 1: me and she'll be like, can you not do that bit?
• 24:05
  Speaker 1: Or maybe my nephew needs to hear me do that bit?
• 24:07
  Speaker 1: Maybe you should maybe should do the bit for him
• 24:09
  Speaker 1: and get his response. This is a great way to
• 24:11
  Speaker 1: test and see if my sister Simone is listening to
• 24:13
  Speaker 1: the podcast, because she's not, she'll be in touch. She
• 24:17
  Speaker 1: can write in Actually, yeah, Simone, if you're listening, if
• 24:19
  Speaker 1: you have any questions, you can write it. No. I mean,
• 24:21
  Speaker 1: these are all things which obviously said to him to
• 24:24
  Speaker 1: my nephew. But it's a thing now. It's like once
• 24:26
  Speaker 1: you have the term to identify it, it's everywhere. Like
• 24:31
  Speaker 1: once you realize, oh, white male privilege is a thing,
• 24:34
  Speaker 1: it's like all you see is that, and so it
• 24:38
  Speaker 1: becomes kind of like again, that is a little bit
• 24:40
  Speaker 1: more thoughtful, even implied in comedy than some of these
• 24:43
  Speaker 1: easier targets. Like there was a radio show host. I
• 24:45
  Speaker 1: don't know if you saw this, but a radio show
• 24:47
  Speaker 1: host I guess of a very popular show who walked
• 24:49
  Speaker 1: off quit his show because he could not make fun
• 24:52
  Speaker 1: of Demilovado changing their pronouns today them was his name
• 24:56
  Speaker 1: Piers Morgan, because that sounds like fucking what peers I
• 24:59
  Speaker 1: love walking off the show. Only a white man would
• 25:02
  Speaker 1: walk off a show. Do you think a person of
• 25:05
  Speaker 1: color would storm out of a show? Do you think
• 25:07
  Speaker 1: a woman would get up and storm out of a show?
• 25:10
  Speaker 1: Only a fucking white man? Yeah, because they know that
• 25:14
  Speaker 1: there's going to be another opportunity person's straight white man,
• 25:18
  Speaker 1: where that's not the case with a person of color
• 25:20
  Speaker 1: or a woman, because they don't know if that opportunity
• 25:22
  Speaker 1: is going to come back. But I just thought that
• 25:24
  Speaker 1: was interesting because it was so obvious. It's so easy
• 25:28
  Speaker 1: to make fun of some of these changes that we're seeing,
• 25:32
  Speaker 1: because for a lot of us it's jarring. I mean
• 25:34
  Speaker 1: even for me as a gay person, it's a little overwhelming.
• 25:36
  Speaker 1: I actually this is a good opportunity to talk about
• 25:38
  Speaker 1: because I was talking to my friend last night and
• 25:41
  Speaker 1: we were talking about, you know, non binary and changing
• 25:45
  Speaker 1: the pronouns, and so there's a pronoun where you can
• 25:48
  Speaker 1: be she or her and then you can choose to
• 25:51
  Speaker 1: be she and they. So what's the distinction there? Can
• 25:56
  Speaker 1: you break that down? Okay? So one of my friends
• 25:58
  Speaker 1: in his instagram by because now on Instagram you can
• 26:01
  Speaker 1: program your pronouns, and his is he they and His
• 26:08
  Speaker 1: rationale for that was, he identifies as a man, but
• 26:12
  Speaker 1: any person can also be identified plurally. We already do
• 26:15
  Speaker 1: it to some degree. They ran for a drink whatever.
• 26:19
  Speaker 1: So he thought that it was more inclusive to also
• 26:22
  Speaker 1: be able to be applied plurally than just as a singular.
• 26:27
  Speaker 1: It's not it's not a representation of how there's a
• 26:31
  Speaker 1: sexual identity evolved in that. It's just he they, So
• 26:35
  Speaker 1: she and her and then she and they is just
• 26:38
  Speaker 1: that's just it. They want to just it's more inclusive.
• 26:42
  Speaker 1: I think, So then why don't we just do that
• 26:43
  Speaker 1: for everything? I'm sure that's not the case for everyone.
• 26:45
  Speaker 1: This is going to be a learning process. Everyone has
• 26:49
  Speaker 1: a learning curve with this. Right now. My partner works
• 26:51
  Speaker 1: in LGBT media. There are daily changes in the representation
• 26:55
  Speaker 1: and the pronouns. There are things that are basically just
• 26:58
  Speaker 1: sounds like zees er. Those are pronouns. You don't see
• 27:02
  Speaker 1: them used, but that's a thing what is z Those
• 27:06
  Speaker 1: are two pronouns, so there's there's just a plethora. I
• 27:10
  Speaker 1: think that's like all encompassing that there's and again, all
• 27:13
  Speaker 1: we can do is learn and accept it and just
• 27:15
  Speaker 1: get it right. Well, let's see if we get this
• 27:17
  Speaker 1: next advice right. This is from Sonny thirty four, Seattle.
• 27:22
  Speaker 1: It's an alias, I'm sure, but we'll talk to Sonny.
• 27:25
  Speaker 1: Why do you say that because it's in quotes. Yeah, well, yeah,
• 27:28
  Speaker 1: then I would say it is an alias. She's a
• 27:31
  Speaker 1: store manager for a luxury brand. She writes, Dear Chelsea,
• 27:34
  Speaker 1: I enjoy the company I work for, and I also
• 27:36
  Speaker 1: have a really tough boss. I know that if I
• 27:38
  Speaker 1: can stick it out, there will be good opportunities on
• 27:40
  Speaker 1: the other side. But this lady is killing me. She
• 27:42
  Speaker 1: wants a business robot who doesn't have feelings or emotions.
• 27:46
  Speaker 1: I've been that bitch before, and that is not who
• 27:48
  Speaker 1: I want to be anymore. I'm stressed and exhausted all
• 27:50
  Speaker 1: the time from trying to be myself and being bullied
• 27:53
  Speaker 1: back into the box of who someone else thinks I
• 27:55
  Speaker 1: should be. I've been at this company for seven years
• 27:58
  Speaker 1: and I don't want to start over. What the fun
• 28:00
  Speaker 1: do I do. Hi Sonny, Hello, Hi, Hi Brandon, Hi.
• 28:07
  Speaker 1: How are you. I'm doing well. How are you all doing?
• 28:10
  Speaker 1: We're doing well too, Thank you. So tell us about
• 28:13
  Speaker 1: this woman that you work for. What's her story, what's
• 28:16
  Speaker 1: the problem, what's the dynamic. Yeah, the dynamic is interesting.
• 28:21
  Speaker 1: I have worked with this woman for about three years
• 28:25
  Speaker 1: and only reported directly to her for the last six
• 28:29
  Speaker 1: months or so. And she's definitely a little bit on
• 28:32
  Speaker 1: the older side. She's been in the industry for a
• 28:34
  Speaker 1: really long time. She's very well respected in the company,
• 28:38
  Speaker 1: but she has a lot of those just older tendencies, right.
• 28:42
  Speaker 1: She gets really uncomfortable when people are emotional. She gets
• 28:46
  Speaker 1: really uncomfortable anytime people start talking about money or personal problems.
• 28:52
  Speaker 1: So it's, you know, she's not really with the times
• 28:55
  Speaker 1: when it comes to what people are currently kind of
• 28:58
  Speaker 1: going through in the world. And even and I think of,
• 29:01
  Speaker 1: you know, being a woman in the workplace and wanting
• 29:03
  Speaker 1: to talk about some of those problems, talking about, you know,
• 29:06
  Speaker 1: how do you make more money, how do you make
• 29:07
  Speaker 1: network connections. She's really just cuts you off and puts
• 29:11
  Speaker 1: you at a distance, and it's really uncomfortable with all
• 29:14
  Speaker 1: of that. She loves a woman who is very business oriented,
• 29:18
  Speaker 1: you know, like put on your blazer, put on your
• 29:20
  Speaker 1: red lipstick, and let's get to work. And I just
• 29:24
  Speaker 1: can't do that anymore. I've been that person. It's really unfulfilling,
• 29:28
  Speaker 1: and I don't know what to do. Well, first, I mean,
• 29:31
  Speaker 1: you say you love working there. This woman seems like
• 29:33
  Speaker 1: she's not with the times. But I would argue that
• 29:36
  Speaker 1: you cannot let one person control your disposition or mood.
• 29:41
  Speaker 1: Right You're giving her way too much power. She's only
• 29:43
  Speaker 1: your boss right now. You're only reporting to her right now.
• 29:47
  Speaker 1: So like, there are workarounds that you can do to
• 29:50
  Speaker 1: tolerate this woman and kind of get what you need
• 29:53
  Speaker 1: and give her what she expects. And you have to
• 29:56
  Speaker 1: look at this situation as temporary and all of the
• 29:59
  Speaker 1: other pos of things around it. Like you've been there
• 30:01
  Speaker 1: for seven years, you love the work, you just don't
• 30:04
  Speaker 1: like her personality. That's no reason to leave a job. Yeah,
• 30:08
  Speaker 1: for sure, I know that you're right. I also I
• 30:11
  Speaker 1: don't know, like how long I can continue to be
• 30:16
  Speaker 1: under the emotional duress, you know, without having more an outlet.
• 30:20
  Speaker 1: I guess, So, how do you feel the emotional dress?
• 30:23
  Speaker 1: I mean I'm a I lead other people, so leading
• 30:27
  Speaker 1: other employees to being a manager, you're kind of like
• 30:30
  Speaker 1: at that critical friction point of you know, I need
• 30:33
  Speaker 1: you guys to take care of the customers. I need
• 30:34
  Speaker 1: you to do these things, and I also am here
• 30:36
  Speaker 1: to take care of you. Right, I'm their leader. I'm
• 30:38
  Speaker 1: their boss. And anytime there's something that we need to
• 30:43
  Speaker 1: work through as a team or a problem, and I
• 30:45
  Speaker 1: want to work through it with my leader, you can't
• 30:48
  Speaker 1: bring that emotion into it. It has to be one
• 30:51
  Speaker 1: about the business and when you're working with people, when
• 30:54
  Speaker 1: your whole job is to take care of people, to
• 30:57
  Speaker 1: not have that same mentality for your self. That's what
• 31:01
  Speaker 1: I find. Really it's grinding where it's like I'm giving
• 31:04
  Speaker 1: a lot for my team and I I would hope
• 31:07
  Speaker 1: that I would have someone who is doing the same
• 31:10
  Speaker 1: thing for me. And it's hard to just pretend like
• 31:13
  Speaker 1: everything is fine all the time. Okay, well, but you
• 31:17
  Speaker 1: seem to be going to an empty well for water, right,
• 31:19
  Speaker 1: you seem to need emotional support, yet you're going to
• 31:22
  Speaker 1: somebody who's not equipped to give it to you. Yeah,
• 31:24
  Speaker 1: you're definitely right. So can you get that emotional support elsewhere? Like,
• 31:28
  Speaker 1: can you go to a therapist and get an emotional support?
• 31:31
  Speaker 1: Are you in a position where you can afford to
• 31:33
  Speaker 1: go to therapy? I can afford to go to therapy. Yes,
• 31:37
  Speaker 1: that is definitely something that I am actively doing and
• 31:41
  Speaker 1: will continue to do. So you're in therapy, yes, I have, Well,
• 31:45
  Speaker 1: I see a stress coach. So I'm seeing a coach,
• 31:48
  Speaker 1: which is helpful, helpful to have tools and some active resources,
• 31:53
  Speaker 1: but it doesn't really alleviate the fact that you're being
• 31:56
  Speaker 1: stifled emotionally at work for sure. Yeah, ups at home, right,
• 32:00
  Speaker 1: it helps when I leave work and walk away from it.
• 32:04
  Speaker 1: What are your thoughts about her, like who's senior to her?
• 32:07
  Speaker 1: Like is there a scenario that you would have a
• 32:09
  Speaker 1: conversation with someone that's supervising her about this dynamic? Definitely,
• 32:15
  Speaker 1: and that has happened. So I did have a skip
• 32:19
  Speaker 1: level with him earlier this year, and he said, on
• 32:23
  Speaker 1: one hand, I know there's a place for you in
• 32:25
  Speaker 1: this company. I know that there's a place for people
• 32:27
  Speaker 1: who want to come to work and be wholehearted and
• 32:30
  Speaker 1: take good care of the employees and take care of customers.
• 32:33
  Speaker 1: And you have to understand that she is the way
• 32:37
  Speaker 1: that she is, and so it's now like this culture
• 32:41
  Speaker 1: that this is her behavior. I'm not the only person
• 32:43
  Speaker 1: who experiences it, and so I have to deal with it,
• 32:46
  Speaker 1: and it's like you have to suck it up, right, Well,
• 32:50
  Speaker 1: I would say the same thing. I think you're need.
• 32:52
  Speaker 1: You're going to need to get that emotional support that
• 32:55
  Speaker 1: you're looking for from someone else, and whether that's a
• 32:57
  Speaker 1: girlfriend or whether that's like a partner or a relative,
• 33:01
  Speaker 1: a sister, brother, or a therapist. I think you do
• 33:05
  Speaker 1: have to kind of accept people for who they are
• 33:07
  Speaker 1: and stop expecting them to fulfill Even though we're living
• 33:10
  Speaker 1: at a different time and times are changing, people are
• 33:13
  Speaker 1: not fucking caught up. They do not get the message,
• 33:15
  Speaker 1: and people are stuck in their ways. And you can
• 33:18
  Speaker 1: have empathy for her and sympathy for her, you don't
• 33:20
  Speaker 1: have to act on that. You don't have to show
• 33:22
  Speaker 1: up for her in any of those ways. You just
• 33:23
  Speaker 1: have to take care of yourself and you cannot look
• 33:26
  Speaker 1: for her to do it. So I really would suggest
• 33:28
  Speaker 1: that you find that kind of outlet for yourself, because
• 33:31
  Speaker 1: you're taking care of yourself in a way that's going
• 33:34
  Speaker 1: to make you understand that she is just a pawn.
• 33:37
  Speaker 1: In this game of life. And if she's not worth
• 33:39
  Speaker 1: you leaving a company over where you enjoy your position,
• 33:43
  Speaker 1: she will be gone at some point and hopefully you
• 33:47
  Speaker 1: will remain there and you will be in a different position,
• 33:50
  Speaker 1: or you'll be in her position. I mean, yeah, that
• 33:52
  Speaker 1: would be the dream. Yeah, So I think, imagine leaving
• 33:55
  Speaker 1: because of her. I mean, what does that say she
• 33:57
  Speaker 1: has that much power over you? Well, I also think
• 34:00
  Speaker 1: what it would do for like the next person who
• 34:02
  Speaker 1: has to report to her or the rest of the
• 34:04
  Speaker 1: people on my team. It's like, at least now they
• 34:06
  Speaker 1: have me and they can report to me, and I
• 34:08
  Speaker 1: care about them and I take the time for them.
• 34:10
  Speaker 1: And it's like if they had to report directly to her,
• 34:13
  Speaker 1: would just be turned into burning. So I think, yeah,
• 34:15
  Speaker 1: very good, Yeah, good to be that person put the
• 34:18
  Speaker 1: people on my team. And no, you're totally right, it's
• 34:21
  Speaker 1: totally temporary. Yeah, she's not gonna be around forever. And
• 34:24
  Speaker 1: you know you're not gonna be at this job forever.
• 34:26
  Speaker 1: But as while you like it and while you enjoy it,
• 34:29
  Speaker 1: you need to like look at her as a like
• 34:31
  Speaker 1: a project in your mind, and you are going to
• 34:34
  Speaker 1: handle her the way she handles you, you know what
• 34:36
  Speaker 1: I mean, that's a special case that needs kid gloves.
• 34:40
  Speaker 1: And this is the personality I put on when I
• 34:42
  Speaker 1: have to report to her because I'm going to play
• 34:44
  Speaker 1: her game better than she's going to play it. And
• 34:47
  Speaker 1: you know, she's not even playing a game. She's just
• 34:48
  Speaker 1: being you know, older and not with the time. So
• 34:51
  Speaker 1: I think that, yes, I think that's what you should do.
• 34:53
  Speaker 1: You should really just get ahead of this. You're letting
• 34:56
  Speaker 1: her control you and you can control the situation. Yeah,
• 34:59
  Speaker 1: for sure. Yeah, you're right. Thank you. Any other advice
• 35:03
  Speaker 1: for a woman in the working world and carving out
• 35:06
  Speaker 1: their own path, that's something that you excel at. Chelsea. Oh,
• 35:10
  Speaker 1: I thought you were talking to Brandon. I am a
• 35:12
  Speaker 1: woman in the working world. Listen, I understand. I've been
• 35:15
  Speaker 1: in charge of people who wanted to emotional support for me,
• 35:18
  Speaker 1: Like I've had people work for me and I didn't
• 35:21
  Speaker 1: have the bandwidth. You know. I try to be there
• 35:23
  Speaker 1: for as many people as I can, but I can
• 35:25
  Speaker 1: also relate to her and having to deal with so
• 35:28
  Speaker 1: many changes and having so many people come to you
• 35:30
  Speaker 1: and and not being equipped to, you know, have people
• 35:33
  Speaker 1: emotionally lean on you. So I can kind of see that,
• 35:36
  Speaker 1: But I would just say to be the example that
• 35:39
  Speaker 1: you want to see. You know you want to It's
• 35:41
  Speaker 1: like being the change you want to see. You can
• 35:43
  Speaker 1: only model what you want to portray. And the best
• 35:46
  Speaker 1: version of yourself is is not to look at certain
• 35:49
  Speaker 1: people like, oh, they don't get it, they don't understand me.
• 35:52
  Speaker 1: It's like every personality is handled in a little bit
• 35:55
  Speaker 1: of a different way. You have to handle people a
• 35:57
  Speaker 1: little bit differently, and that's a fun challenge if you
• 36:00
  Speaker 1: look at it like that, you know, because then you
• 36:02
  Speaker 1: can get to her in different ways, and who knows
• 36:05
  Speaker 1: what kind of relationship you can create when you stop
• 36:07
  Speaker 1: resisting the fact that she's not on the same page
• 36:09
  Speaker 1: as you and look for other commonalities between the two
• 36:12
  Speaker 1: of you. Yeah, and model the change. I love that
• 36:15
  Speaker 1: you said that. It's like, who knows what's going to
• 36:17
  Speaker 1: happen if I can do me and be myself and
• 36:20
  Speaker 1: like work around her instead, right, Like, and you can
• 36:24
  Speaker 1: do that, You can totally do that. My friend isn't
• 36:26
  Speaker 1: a job where she has a bunch of people reporting
• 36:28
  Speaker 1: to her, and she has one woman that reports to
• 36:31
  Speaker 1: her that complained about her, and she was like, oh
• 36:34
  Speaker 1: my god, you don't understand how much time and how
• 36:37
  Speaker 1: much effort I've spent with this girl, and I've sat
• 36:40
  Speaker 1: with her and she's failed to complain about me, and
• 36:43
  Speaker 1: it's like, you know, there's like so much there's like
• 36:46
  Speaker 1: this huge chasm between them now because they're just both
• 36:49
  Speaker 1: not on the same page at all. So, I mean,
• 36:51
  Speaker 1: it's not uncommon. It's happening all over. It's just like,
• 36:54
  Speaker 1: aren't you smart enough to figure out a way around that?
• 36:57
  Speaker 1: I think so? I think you're right. Yeah, all right,
• 36:59
  Speaker 1: Well problem solves, Sonny. There you go, good luck, Thank
• 37:02
  Speaker 1: you so much, Bye, Sonny, thanks for calling. Appreciate the time.
• 37:06
  Speaker 1: By Chelsea by Brandon, Bye bye bye. Oh god, must
• 37:15
  Speaker 1: working retail? I do not, Oh god, that would just
• 37:19
  Speaker 1: be that must be so catty. Although women are learning
• 37:22
  Speaker 1: to be kinder and gentler to each other, people just
• 37:25
  Speaker 1: need to learn to be kinder and gentler. Well, women,
• 37:28
  Speaker 1: women have been pitted against each other, and you know
• 37:31
  Speaker 1: they're they're pitted against each other because of of our culture.
• 37:34
  Speaker 1: And women need to know like we're all on the
• 37:36
  Speaker 1: same team, Like you've got to look out for other
• 37:38
  Speaker 1: women always, always, always. Yeah, that is something else I
• 37:40
  Speaker 1: was thinking about the other day was how these younger
• 37:44
  Speaker 1: stars show up for each other in a way that
• 37:46
  Speaker 1: like Whitney Houston and Mariah Kerry did not. This is
• 37:48
  Speaker 1: a very gay reference, but there's like they now see
• 37:52
  Speaker 1: through all of that bullshit, all of the background noise, like, well,
• 37:55
  Speaker 1: there can only be one of you. That's not true. Obviously,
• 37:58
  Speaker 1: it's been proven time and time and end. So all
• 38:01
  Speaker 1: these women like Taylor Swift and Katy Perry realized like,
• 38:03
  Speaker 1: oh what, we don't need to have the sort of
• 38:05
  Speaker 1: dynamic like we can support each other even if we
• 38:07
  Speaker 1: aren't best friends. But that's that's not the narrative we
• 38:09
  Speaker 1: need created for us. How are these girls supporting each
• 38:12
  Speaker 1: other more? Now? They just show up, They're doing music
• 38:14
  Speaker 1: videos together, you know, there's they're coming out for each
• 38:17
  Speaker 1: other's projects, and there was I saw something recently that
• 38:20
  Speaker 1: it was Maria Kerry had Jennifer Hudson and Ariana Grande
• 38:24
  Speaker 1: on one of her Christmas songs, which was a huge deal,
• 38:27
  Speaker 1: Like she's never done this before, She's never had someone
• 38:29
  Speaker 1: of Ariana's caliber singing with her, and just for so long,
• 38:32
  Speaker 1: like you're saying, women were positioned like you are the
• 38:35
  Speaker 1: only one. You are the best. You can't allow anyone
• 38:37
  Speaker 1: else to come in. And you know she had to
• 38:39
  Speaker 1: get with the times to and be like, oh, I
• 38:40
  Speaker 1: can't operate that way. Like we need to be supporting
• 38:43
  Speaker 1: each other, we need to be leveraging one another. So
• 38:47
  Speaker 1: that is nice to see that women are stepping out
• 38:49
  Speaker 1: and yeah, that's the way it should be what men
• 38:52
  Speaker 1: want them to do. Okay, So speaking of what men
• 38:55
  Speaker 1: would like us to do, let's take a break in
• 38:59
  Speaker 1: terms of you know, the memoir writing and offending your
• 39:01
  Speaker 1: family member. I mean, I'm already doing that again, you know,
• 39:04
  Speaker 1: as I mentioned earlier, I'm doing it in stand up.
• 39:06
  Speaker 1: I'm talking about living with my nephew. I told him
• 39:09
  Speaker 1: when I saw him on Nantucket, like, hey, you're in
• 39:11
  Speaker 1: my set. He's like okay, So you know, I'm not
• 39:16
  Speaker 1: the best person to give advice on that topic, which
• 39:18
  Speaker 1: I would like to reiterate, Brandon. Our last mission comes
• 39:22
  Speaker 1: from I think Laura. Yeah, good to Laura, she writes
• 39:27
  Speaker 1: your Chelsea. When I was born, my mom was a
• 39:29
  Speaker 1: nanny for an old, rich family that owned a large
• 39:31
  Speaker 1: estate which we lived on every day or most days.
• 39:34
  Speaker 1: My mom looked after two boys and me until we
• 39:36
  Speaker 1: moved away. When I was eleven and didn't keep in touch.
• 39:39
  Speaker 1: Fast forward, I'm now forty nine. I started dreaming about
• 39:41
  Speaker 1: the youngest boy who I was besotted. What does that
• 39:44
  Speaker 1: word besotted means? To have a to be taken by
• 39:49
  Speaker 1: somebody like a crush. Okay, I'm gonna incorporate. I was
• 39:54
  Speaker 1: besotted seven or eight years ago. I started daydreaming about
• 39:57
  Speaker 1: meeting him, and then one day his dad died and
• 40:00
  Speaker 1: my mom went to his funeral. We went in for
• 40:03
  Speaker 1: a quick coug He gave me eye contact in a
• 40:05
  Speaker 1: nervous way, and we hardly spoke. I cried all the
• 40:07
  Speaker 1: way home. My mom was really concerned, and then I
• 40:10
  Speaker 1: went into an emotional depression for weeks. I know he's
• 40:12
  Speaker 1: married with three children. His wife looks a bit like me,
• 40:15
  Speaker 1: so that made me smile. Let me just keep going.
• 40:19
  Speaker 1: I emailed him once, but he never spent responded. My
• 40:22
  Speaker 1: mom died a few weeks ago and my mom called
• 40:25
  Speaker 1: him and he never replied. But from the other side
• 40:30
  Speaker 1: read Laurelan Jackson's book, You'll know but his brother always
• 40:33
  Speaker 1: keeps in contact. I have the opportunity to go to
• 40:35
  Speaker 1: my mom's celebration party in this summer, but I don't
• 40:37
  Speaker 1: feel like I can put myself through the rejection again.
• 40:39
  Speaker 1: Oh my god, this is I have a really immediate
• 40:42
  Speaker 1: response for her. My question is do I forget about
• 40:44
  Speaker 1: him and leave him the past, or do I go
• 40:45
  Speaker 1: to the party and trying to rekindle some sort of
• 40:47
  Speaker 1: relationship even though I feel deep down that he doesn't
• 40:50
  Speaker 1: want to go there. I've attached an old photo of
• 40:52
  Speaker 1: me and him. I'm looking forward to hearing your advice. Hi, Laura,
• 40:58
  Speaker 1: you need to move the on. He's married over. It's over.
• 41:04
  Speaker 1: He's married right now. For he's married. For as long
• 41:07
  Speaker 1: as he's married, there's no chance of a reconciliation, or
• 41:10
  Speaker 1: there's no reconciliation because there never was anything to begin with.
• 41:14
  Speaker 1: So I want to just say, like, you sound slightly delusional,
• 41:18
  Speaker 1: and you really are letting a man who isn't seemingly
• 41:23
  Speaker 1: interested in you have way too much control over you,
• 41:27
  Speaker 1: Like you're stronger than that, and you can find somebody
• 41:30
  Speaker 1: else and not focus all of your attention on a
• 41:33
  Speaker 1: childhood crush, because that's all it was. You had a
• 41:36
  Speaker 1: childhood crush. We've all had them, and then we grow
• 41:39
  Speaker 1: up and they're over, and yours is over. So you
• 41:44
  Speaker 1: have to listen to the fact that this is not
• 41:47
  Speaker 1: not healthy. Not healthy, honey, sorry to call you honey.
• 41:50
  Speaker 1: I don't want to be patronizing or condescending. I want
• 41:53
  Speaker 1: I'm just trying to be loving, like you're better than this.
• 41:56
  Speaker 1: This is not who you are or who you want
• 41:58
  Speaker 1: to be. This is just something old that you kind
• 42:02
  Speaker 1: of need to I think it will be a great
• 42:04
  Speaker 1: sense of closure. Yes, you need to go to his
• 42:07
  Speaker 1: mother's memorial celebration and comport yourself or her celebration and
• 42:12
  Speaker 1: however you guys are calling it, so yeah, does she
• 42:15
  Speaker 1: need to go to that? No, she doesn't. He should
• 42:17
  Speaker 1: just be making herself present and putting herself through something. Okay, So, Laura,
• 42:21
  Speaker 1: if you can't handle going to his mother's memorial celebration
• 42:24
  Speaker 1: and going through that and acting like an adult and
• 42:26
  Speaker 1: actually making a new impression, because I think there's a
• 42:29
  Speaker 1: vibe that you people understand you've had a crush on him,
• 42:33
  Speaker 1: and I think he probably understands that you've had a
• 42:35
  Speaker 1: crush on him, And so I wouldn't set yourself up
• 42:39
  Speaker 1: for that unless you're going to put yourself in a
• 42:40
  Speaker 1: situation where you can go there with your head held high.
• 42:43
  Speaker 1: And act in a dignified way and accept that he's
• 42:46
  Speaker 1: married and that you're not in a relationship with him,
• 42:48
  Speaker 1: and then pay your respects to his dead mother. Well, honestly, Laura,
• 42:51
  Speaker 1: don't go to that. You shouldn't go to that. If
• 42:54
  Speaker 1: you want, if you want to send your condolences, send
• 42:56
  Speaker 1: a nice arrangement or a note like making yourself present.
• 42:59
  Speaker 1: It's going to be the stracting and it's just going
• 43:01
  Speaker 1: to be like a cry for attention. So don't do it. Yeah, Laura,
• 43:04
  Speaker 1: you're better than this. This is a childhood crush and
• 43:06
  Speaker 1: those expire for a reason, just like high school ends
• 43:09
  Speaker 1: for a fucking reason, So did childhood crushes. And also,
• 43:13
  Speaker 1: can we please stop trying to hit on someone at
• 43:15
  Speaker 1: a funeral, a parents funeral especially, well really any funeral.
• 43:19
  Speaker 1: I mean, why are people thinking that that's an opportunity
• 43:22
  Speaker 1: to hook up. I remember when my mom died, I
• 43:26
  Speaker 1: walked into my parents bathroom and I was looking through
• 43:31
  Speaker 1: my mom's medication to see if I wanted any of it.
• 43:34
  Speaker 1: I was going to my mom's funeral, and I already
• 43:36
  Speaker 1: thought that was kind of gross that I was doing that.
• 43:39
  Speaker 1: But when I got there, my brother Roy was already
• 43:42
  Speaker 1: in the medicine cabinet doing exactly what I was going
• 43:44
  Speaker 1: to do, and I was like, what did you find?
• 43:47
  Speaker 1: And he had found like a bunch of stuff, and
• 43:49
  Speaker 1: he's like, norko, da da dada this anyway, So I
• 43:52
  Speaker 1: then prescribed, obviously after that what my brother was going
• 43:55
  Speaker 1: to take in what I was going to take, and
• 43:56
  Speaker 1: then told him to get out so that I could
• 43:58
  Speaker 1: take my Norco and peace for my mother's funeral. But
• 44:02
  Speaker 1: I thought that was inappropriate even then, while I was
• 44:04
  Speaker 1: in the situation, I knew that my behavior was inappropriate,
• 44:07
  Speaker 1: but you know, it was a funeral. I'm allowed to
• 44:10
  Speaker 1: do whatever I want to do, really when my mother dies,
• 44:12
  Speaker 1: and this seems much more inappropriate. Hitting on someone at
• 44:18
  Speaker 1: a funeral is such a bad move if you think
• 44:23
  Speaker 1: it's okay to do that, because it's not. It's disrespectful
• 44:27
  Speaker 1: to the people that have lost someone. Even if it
• 44:30
  Speaker 1: wasn't the right time and someone was at a funeral
• 44:32
  Speaker 1: and somebody kind of mad. Even if I thought, oh,
• 44:34
  Speaker 1: that he's cute, but not now, if he did that,
• 44:36
  Speaker 1: he would no longer be cute. Like what's cute about
• 44:39
  Speaker 1: a man is a man who knows that that's inappropriate.
• 44:43
  Speaker 1: I hate having to explain this ship all the time,
• 44:46
  Speaker 1: you know, and then I come out like I'm the
• 44:47
  Speaker 1: bad guy that I hate. Man, It's like, no, actually,
• 44:49
  Speaker 1: I'm trying to help you. If you would listen. Problem solved, Laura,
• 44:54
  Speaker 1: get a new problem actually, and I mean poor thing
• 44:59
  Speaker 1: people struggling with child I mean, here's let me see
• 45:01
  Speaker 1: this picture she sent. She said love to Burton Bernie.
• 45:05
  Speaker 1: Anyone who's writing to Burton Bernice, Just so you know,
• 45:07
  Speaker 1: Burt is with a b E r T, and then
• 45:09
  Speaker 1: Bernie is b E r N. I c e this
• 45:13
  Speaker 1: and you guys are also a boer and three years
• 45:15
  Speaker 1: old in this picture. Who knows like they're not? This
• 45:18
  Speaker 1: is a childhood photo. Okay, I don't know what to
• 45:22
  Speaker 1: say to her. I think we've said it all. Move on, Laura, Okay,
• 45:26
  Speaker 1: let's let's let's also move on. Well we are that
• 45:29
  Speaker 1: was the last submission for the day. Okay, well then
• 45:31
  Speaker 1: let's move on to Margarita's were wrapped up. You've worked
• 45:34
  Speaker 1: to you? Oh yeah, that's right. Okay, thanks for listening,
• 45:38
  Speaker 1: you guys. We'll be back next week. Good bye. Also,
• 45:41
  Speaker 1: I am on tour. My tickets are officially on sale.
• 45:44
  Speaker 1: We've added a couple of extra shows. We're going to
• 45:46
  Speaker 1: be announcing dates as we go. You can buy tickets
• 45:49
  Speaker 1: a ticket Master and tickets are available and I can't
• 45:52
  Speaker 1: fucking wait. It's called vaccinated and horny, so make sure
• 45:56
  Speaker 1: that you bring your vaccinations and your horny nous and
• 46:00
  Speaker 1: then keep them to yourself. Please. If you want any
• 46:03
  Speaker 1: assistance with your partner, your best friend, really anything, you
• 46:08
  Speaker 1: can write into Dear Chelsea Project at gmail dot com.
• 46:11
  Speaker 1: Dear Chelsea Project at gmail dot com.