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THE DISCLAIMER: Shuckin' And F***in' · The Hauraki Big Show

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  Speaker 1: For all you mad bastards loving the Big Show podcast,
• 0:05
  Speaker 1: get up even closer on Instagram, YouTube.
• 0:08
  Speaker 2: And TikTok.
• 0:09
  Speaker 1: Or raw dog it.
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  Speaker 2: Four to seven every weekday on Radio Hodakit. Oh, good day, fellas. Backbone.
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  Speaker 3: Hello.
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  Speaker 2: Yeah. Oh. Good long weekend, fellas.
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  Speaker 1: What a good weekend it was, yeah. Went away with
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  Speaker 1: the family.
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  Speaker 2: Yeah, nice.
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  Speaker 1: I don't know if this is content or not, but
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  Speaker 1: I'll burn it here, eh? Went out to Tawharanui. Oh, yeah,
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  Speaker 1: the beach up north. It's nice. Very nice. I've never
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  Speaker 1: been up there before. There's lots of places where I
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  Speaker 1: haven't been, so we're going to start going every weekend
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  Speaker 1: and going and ticking off little areas like that. It's
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  Speaker 1: pretty cool. It's behind a huge fence. It's a national park.
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  Speaker 2: Yeah, that's right.
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  Speaker 1: Or a regional park. Yeah. So that's cool. There's lots
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  Speaker 1: of kiwi there. Not that I saw any of them.
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  Speaker 3: There's cool little other birds and stuff, though.
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  Speaker 1: There are cool little other birds. Lots of pukeko. Billions
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  Speaker 1: of the fucking things. Anyway, yeah, we had a play
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  Speaker 1: around there for the day. And then when we left,
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  Speaker 1: we stopped in at, I drove past at quite high speed,
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  Speaker 1: but then turned around and went back, which I never do.
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  Speaker 1: You know, if you see a shop, should we go
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  Speaker 1: in there? Ah, no, too late. Yes. Next time.
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  Speaker 2: Yeah.
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  Speaker 1: But it's an oyster shop. I can't quite think of
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  Speaker 1: the name.
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  Speaker 2: I was just about to say, Mogi, we always do
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  Speaker 2: that with like oyster barns or oyster things on the
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  Speaker 2: side of the road. I'm always doing that.
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  Speaker 1: There you go. So I turned around and I went back.
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  Speaker 1: Last week I went out to a restaurant with some
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  Speaker 1: mates for my birthday there. Got some oysters.
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  Speaker 2: Yeah.
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  Speaker 1: $ 7 each.
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  Speaker 3: Ah, was this restaurant the Viaduct?
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  Speaker 1: Viaduct.
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  Speaker 2: No. Okay. Um.
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  Speaker 1: And I think in my time, they've probably gone from
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  Speaker 1: $ 4 to $ 7, maybe $ 4. 50. Yeah. $ 7 a pop. So
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  Speaker 1: what's that? $ 84 a dozen. Pretty expensive. I don't like
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  Speaker 1: a big oyster. I don't like a big bastard. I
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  Speaker 1: like just a small, medium-sized one. Do you chew it? Yeah,
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  Speaker 1: you've got to chew it. Anyway, so I turned around.
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  Speaker 1: We went back into this joint, and they had it.
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  Speaker 1: They had the dozens. It was by the dozen, but
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  Speaker 1: they had them by the sizes. So small. Medium, large,
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  Speaker 1: very large, and the price would go up accordingly. For
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  Speaker 1: a dozen of the oysters that I like, which are
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  Speaker 1: the smaller ones, what would you say you would pay
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  Speaker 1: for a dozen oysters, given that at a restaurant you're
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  Speaker 1: paying $ 84?
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  Speaker 2: Generally, I find the price range between your $ 20 and $ 30.
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  Speaker 1: 100%, Jase, $ 20 for a dozen oysters.
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  Speaker 2: That's good, eh?
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  Speaker 1: Yes.
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  Speaker 3: Considering on what night was the Kiwis?
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  Speaker 1: Sunday night?
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  Speaker 3: Sunday 6pm Sunday night so who did they play Cook
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  Speaker 3: Islands so Minaya and his missus invited me and my
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  Speaker 3: missus out and we went to a spot on the
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  Speaker 3: viaduct where they got a voucher oh yeah and it's
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  Speaker 3: probably the wankiest bar in Auckland like really just like
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  Speaker 3: it's the kind of place is it also owned by
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  Speaker 3: a wanker no idea no I don't know who owns
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  Speaker 3: this one let's say that but it's like the place
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  Speaker 3: you go to be seen and be like on Instagram
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  Speaker 3: and shit.
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  Speaker 2: I find that whole area wanky. But anyway, yes.
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  Speaker 3: So when we watched the footy was the Fox. Let's
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  Speaker 3: just say it's next door to that place, the Fox,
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  Speaker 3: which is a British pub and they have a billion
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  Speaker 3: sports screens.
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  Speaker 1: And that's great.
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  Speaker 3: It's just a sports pub. But we went to this
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  Speaker 3: first one, which is very vibey. And it was $ 7
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  Speaker 3: an oyster. My wife made the same comment.
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  Speaker 1: Over $ 80 for a dozen.
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  Speaker 2: It's fucked. Yeah, it's bullshit.
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  Speaker 1: It's fucked. Well, what is really bullshit about it is
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  Speaker 1: that by the time they buy it from those guys,
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  Speaker 1: the restaurant, I'm assuming, or someone very, very similar, it
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  Speaker 1: must be definitely them, buy, what, 100 dozen of them
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  Speaker 1: at a time? So God knows what they're getting them for.
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  Speaker 1: And then all you do is you make a vinaigrette
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  Speaker 1: and you cut some lemons up, you put them on
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  Speaker 1: a plate and chuck the bastards out. It's not like
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  Speaker 1: you're doing anything with them. Totally. Fuck, that's money for jam.
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  Speaker 2: Yeah, totally.
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  Speaker 1: That is money for jam.
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  Speaker 3: We.
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  Speaker 1: I might start selling fucking oysters.
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  Speaker 3: Do you know what the hardest part out of all
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  Speaker 3: that is? The guy or the woman who has to
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  Speaker 3: go and get the fucking oysters.
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  Speaker 1: Exactly. And they're getting paid.
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  Speaker 2: It's amazing that they're making money on that. I think
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  Speaker 2: I told you guys, when I.
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  Speaker 1: Lived in a place called Odeddy Point.
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  Speaker 2: Yes. Now listen, it's very much oyster related. And we
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  Speaker 2: used to go past this oyster farm. And there's the
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  Speaker 2: famous Clevedon Oysters, because it's out that way, which are big,
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  Speaker 2: fat bastards, which I love. And my girlfriend and I,
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  Speaker 2: we used to stop off at this place and you'd
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  Speaker 2: get a dozen oysters for four bucks in the shell
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  Speaker 2: so they hadn't been shucked. And so we used to
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  Speaker 2: get them home and... effing and jeffing, shucking and fucking.
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  Speaker 2: And then our next door neighbour, this lovely old Māori lady,
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  Speaker 2: she said, oh, they're beautiful, aren't they? And we were like, yeah, yeah,
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  Speaker 2: they're just a bit of a bugger to shuck them.
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  Speaker 2: And she said, oh, no, have you got a microwave?
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  Speaker 2: And we went, oh, yeah. And she said, chuck them
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  Speaker 2: in the microwave for like five seconds and they just
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  Speaker 2: pop open.
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  Speaker 1: They hate that.
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  Speaker 2: And so we chucked it in the microwave, five seconds.
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  Speaker 2: And they just, the shell opens and you just scoop
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  Speaker 2: the bastards out.
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  Speaker 1: You're a beauty.
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  Speaker 2: But I know what you mean, Moge. It's an absolute,
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  Speaker 2: I love oysters. I could eat thousands of the bastards,
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  Speaker 2: but I'm not paying seven bucks for an oyster or
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  Speaker 2: eight bucks for an oyster.
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  Speaker 1: I'm just not doing it.
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  Speaker 3: Well, you're paying the money to be in that spot.
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  Speaker 2: Well, yes.
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  Speaker 1: In that bar eating an oyster.
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  Speaker 3: The Hauraki Big Show, weekdays from 4 on Radio Hauraki.
• 5:32
  Speaker 2: Now that's good listening. And it's live.
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  Speaker 1: What are you listening to there?
• 5:38
  Speaker 2: Oh, me? Oh, sorry. I was listening to the Radio
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  Speaker 2: Hauraki Big Show. Right. Four to seven weekdays.
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  Speaker 1: Yeah, that's quite specific.
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  Speaker 2: And iHeartRadio. Oh, what? Cheers.
• 5:52
  Speaker 1: Cheers.
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  Speaker 2: For my birthday when I was over in Australia, my daughter,
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  Speaker 2: because she knows how much I love oysters, we went
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  Speaker 2: to this market in Melbourne and it was this massive
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  Speaker 2: market but it had a huge seafood area.
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  Speaker 1: Where was this?
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  Speaker 2: In Melbourne.
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  Speaker 1: Yeah.
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  Speaker 2: And she said, come on, Dad, it's my treat. And
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  Speaker 2: she bought me.
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  Speaker 1: An ice cream. One oyster.
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  Speaker 2: And the really awesome thing about this particular little market
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  Speaker 2: is they had a really long table. Oh, yeah. That
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  Speaker 2: would fit about 50, 60 people. And so we bought
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  Speaker 2: her two dozen oysters, which were like 15 bucks each
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  Speaker 2: in a box.
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  Speaker 1: Her oyster?
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  Speaker 2: No, for the dozen. Oh, yeah. She bought a couple
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  Speaker 2: of Morton Bay bugs.
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  Speaker 1: Oh, yes.
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  Speaker 3: What are they?
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  Speaker 2: They're kind of like crayfish. Oh, wow. Yeah, which were
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  Speaker 2: absolutely beautiful. And on this table were just a whole
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  Speaker 2: selection of sauces that you could squirt on you. So
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  Speaker 2: we ate those, and she said, I'm not done yet, Dad,
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  Speaker 2: and took me about 50 metres to the right. And no,
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  Speaker 2: she bought me a lobster roll, a crayfish, and it
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  Speaker 2: was just unbelievable.
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  Speaker 3: Isn't that good?
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  Speaker 2: Yeah, man. And it was like, I think the lobster
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  Speaker 2: roll was like 18 or 19 bucks. It wasn't outrageous. Ah, yeah. Australian,
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  Speaker 2: so about 800 New Zealand.
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  Speaker 1: Yeah.
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  Speaker 3: Do you guys ever get, like there's all the jokes
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  Speaker 3: about it being an aphrodisiac. Have you ever been barred
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  Speaker 3: up after eating some oysters?
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  Speaker 2: Not that I'm aware of. No. No.
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  Speaker 3: Like I feel like aphrodisiacs, are they just a bit
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  Speaker 3: of a myth?
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  Speaker 1: Well, in my experience, yes.
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  Speaker 2: I mean, I was. When I was younger, I was
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  Speaker 2: barred up anyway. So it's hard to sort of distinguish.
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  Speaker 1: What calls you. How many oysters do you need to
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  Speaker 1: eat before you get barred up? And surely it varies
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  Speaker 1: from person to person. Yeah. Because I like it with,
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  Speaker 1: I've got to have it with some bubbles, you know.
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  Speaker 1: I like it like that. Yeah. That's an aphrodisiac for me,
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  Speaker 1: getting pissed.
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  Speaker 2: Right.
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  Speaker 1: So it's more just getting hammered.
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  Speaker 2: Yeah. Yeah. No, I could eat a hundy oysters easy.
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  Speaker 1: Eyebrows.
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  Speaker 3: Easy.
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  Speaker 1: Eyebrows. Should we do it?
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  Speaker 2: You buy me 100 oysters, I guarantee you I'll eat
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  Speaker 2: them all.
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  Speaker 1: Listen to that.
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  Speaker 3: You guarantee you can eat 100.
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  Speaker 2: Yep, easy.
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  Speaker 3: This is the guy who splits a one-person fish pie
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  Speaker 3: with his wife for dinner.
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  Speaker 1: That's right. And is full afterwards. Yeah.
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  Speaker 2: It was much more hearty than we were anticipating.
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  Speaker 1: Anyway, it's worth the drive. You saved money.
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  Speaker 2: Yeah, yum, yum. But it was so funny that you
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  Speaker 2: said that you drove past, and I said, I always
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  Speaker 2: do that with oyster places.
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  Speaker 1: Yeah, turned around, went back, you beauty. I wish I
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  Speaker 1: liked oysters.
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  Speaker 2: In fact, the last time we did that, when we
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  Speaker 2: went out to Mangafai to see my mother-in-law... there's an
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  Speaker 2: oyster place coming back towards Auckland. And we drove past
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  Speaker 2: it and I went, oh, damn it.
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  Speaker 1: It'll be the same one.
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  Speaker 2: But then, and I went, no. And there was a
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  Speaker 2: roundabout at the end of this really long road, took
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  Speaker 2: the roundabout and I said, no, we're going back. Went
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  Speaker 2: all the way back to the same, it took a
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  Speaker 2: whole river time to get across the road.
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  Speaker 3: Yeah.
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  Speaker 1: The roundabout would have been a Matakana.
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  Speaker 2: No, no, no. It was further than that. But anyway,
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  Speaker 2: got back and it was closed.
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  Speaker 1: You bastard. That's why I never bother. Why do you bother?
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  Speaker 2: Why do I?
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  Speaker 1: Why do I? My daughter was with me. I asked
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  Speaker 1: him if they had any oyster ice creams. My daughter's obsessed.
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  Speaker 1: And he said, funnily enough, we made one last year.
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  Speaker 1: Any good? He said, actually, he thought it was really good.
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  Speaker 1: The guy that made the ice cream, which is some
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  Speaker 1: bloke down here and some big ice cream dude in Auckland,
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  Speaker 1: had 20-year-old balsamic vinegar that he put on it. And
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  Speaker 1: old mate was saying, oh, it was good. But his
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  Speaker 1: missus was going, absolute shit.
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  Speaker 2: Yeah.
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  Speaker 1: Filth. Oyster ice cream, forget it. Fuck that. Or I
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  Speaker 1: could have chocolate.
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  Speaker 2: No way. This is all corresponding because down the bottom
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  Speaker 2: of town there by the ferry building, there's an ice
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  Speaker 2: cream place, a gelato place. Yes, there is. And we're
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  Speaker 2: always walking past there on our sort of morning rounds.
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  Speaker 1: Next door at Shaka Brothers, they do a very good
• 9:56
  Speaker 1: fish burger.
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  Speaker 2: Oh, do they?
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  Speaker 1: Very, very good. Yeah, yeah.
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  Speaker 2: Okay, good to know. And you're always walking past and
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  Speaker 2: there's people eating ice cream at like 10 in the morning.
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  Speaker 3: Yeah.
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  Speaker 2: And I'm always like, what's wrong with people, for God's sake?
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  Speaker 2: Yesterday morning, we went there at about 10.30 and I
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  Speaker 2: bought some ice cream and a coffee.
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  Speaker 1: Yeah.
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  Speaker 2: And I was like, boom, I did it myself.
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  Speaker 1: It was a beautiful weekend, though. It was yum.
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  Speaker 2: Beautiful.
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  Speaker 1: It was peanut butter.
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  Speaker 2: And salted caramel.
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  Speaker 1: Yum.
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  Speaker 3: I'm going to be catching that ferry to work soon.
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  Speaker 1: Catching that ferry to work?
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  Speaker 2: Are you?
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  Speaker 1: In Devonport. I'm living in Devonport. Oh, is that where
• 10:29
  Speaker 1: you're going to be for the next sort of X
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  Speaker 1: amount of time? It's nice there. That's a nice little trip.
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  Speaker 2: It's a very nice spot. It's a very cruisy little
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  Speaker 2: trip too. It's about 10 minutes.
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  Speaker 1: 10 minutes? Okay, that's good. Peace, peace.
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  Speaker 3: Because I'll be ferrying to and from work there.
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  Speaker 1: Wow, here he is. Yeah, not bad, eh? You'll be
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  Speaker 1: hating it.
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  Speaker 2: Yeah.
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  Speaker 3: Getting the ferry from my home of Devonport, walk through
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  Speaker 3: the horrific Auckland CBD where Jase lives.
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  Speaker 1: Very grody there.
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  Speaker 2: Yeah, it is pretty grody. Very violent. Yeah, it is
• 10:55
  Speaker 2: very violent at the moment.
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  Speaker 1: Especially at the moment.
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  Speaker 2: Good Lord.
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  Speaker 3: Hey, listen to the big show, 4-7 weekdays, Radio Hodaki.