Latest / FINE is a 4-Letter Word / 31. (S1E31) The Magic of Life with Courtney Krulis

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31. (S1E31) The Magic of Life with Courtney Krulis · FINE is a 4-Letter Word

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Hello and welcome to find is a four letter word. My guest today
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is Courtney rules. I'm so excited to have you on the show.
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Courtney is a friend of... Oh gosh, I can't remember what episode it
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was, but with Lisa... What was her title? Ionian Lisa went right.
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But I was trying to remember the title of her episode anyway,
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my... Courtney is guest number two from Australia, so I'm super excited
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to be creating this international podcast or consent. I'm really excited
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to be here. So let's get right into it.
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The first question always is, what were the values and beliefs that were
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instilled in you in your childhood that then contributed to
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some of the decisions you made as the IT... I grew up in
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a beautiful, amazing Jewish family, where values of
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being as a family dinners and spending a lot of time together was
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very important and following the way that my mother had lived and my
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grandmother had lived, and my great grandmother had lived,
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and which was to marry a Jewish man at a young age and
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have children and have a stable job and
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live in the work, in the corporate space,
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or be a teacher, something that was a good job for a woman
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and... Yeah, I guess I followed a lot of that trajectory,
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went to University, studied education and business, and then kind of one
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that was like, Wait a minute, is this sort of the life that
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I wanna lead, but I will say that I did already have a
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little bit of a... This doesn't feel totally right. And I think my
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parents were pretty clued in that I was quite a big personality,
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I was maybe a little bit different to my other sisters,
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and so when I was 16, I actually asked my mom if I
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could move schools, 'cause I went to a Jewish school my whole life,
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I had Jewish friends, I never had a non Jewish boyfriend or any
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of that, I always definitely played by the rules growing up,
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and then at 16, I said to my mom, I feel like...
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I feel really different and I wanna try something new. And so it
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was a huge risk for my mom and she let me go to
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a private girls school, which was huge for her, and yeah,
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that felt like totally rebellious of me, even though I look back in
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hindsight and I laugh at that. But that was the first time that
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I sort of broke the mold for my family, and from there,
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I kind of started to do my own thing and find myself that
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was beyond the construct of what my family
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values sort of work. So they valued education, but up to a certain
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point, because then you were just gonna be pretty much a homemaker,
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that was that, that it... Or you were expected to have a career
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and to relative children take care of them, have a good job,
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but not a job better than your husband necessarily,
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marry someone who was Jewish and had a great job and could provide
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for you, make safe and good decisions for your future self.
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Right. Okay, so outwork out, you've already alluded to the fact that you
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are a rat. I laugh it saying I broke the rules at age
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16, 'cause I wouldn't exactly say a private girls school is that rebellion,
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but it felt big not being in a juice for the first time
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in my life and having friends that weren't Jewish, that felt big to
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me, but then I ended up going to university and meeting a lawyer
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who was Jewish, and he was tall and good at sport,
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and all... I tick every single box. And my parents were made love
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with him, and as soon as my parents kinda gave me the tick
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of approval, it was like, this is the man I'm gonna marry at
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age 19 when I met him, and so
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yeah, it was... I continued to just do what everyone else was doing
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and follow the rules, even though you ended just off a rule breaker,
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you weren't too... You didn't collect the line. And I think I always
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knew in my spirit, so to speak, that I was always a little
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bit different, I always felt like... I loved everyone around me,
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I felt super supported and connected to everyone in a way,
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but there was always something to me that felt like there was more
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in this life for me then I was currently living, and I ended
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up moving to New York with my husband at the time,
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so he was doing his MBA, and so I went along with him
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and I worked there, and it was sort of as soon as I
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got out of that little bubble of the Jewish community in Australia,
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and I saw the bigger world in America that I kind of started
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to get this inkling of how I've been living this really small sheltered
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life, and now the world seems so much bigger, and have I made
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the right choices and... Yeah, so my sort of journey really began of
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seeing the world much bigger from my belief systems and values and all
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that, once I got out, I got away from my very close family
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who... My parents are very involved in my life, always encourage me to
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make the decisions that they've made and always share their advice,
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even though it's very often not asked for it, they just feel the
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need to share all the time. Their thoughts and beliefs are...
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Isn't that what parents do, that's the assays with great intentions To...
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Yeah, I never get here and frustrated by it, but it definitely can
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influence the way that I see and the decisions that I make,
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that once I was away from that and I got to really find
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myself, I realized I was living a life that they wanted me to
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have... Not necessarily the life that I was choosing. Great. That's...
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Why did you go to... Say This, Jon. I was... Lived at my
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parents house, I lived at home for so long, and I think that's
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what I love about the US, is that you go to college and
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you find yourself... 'cause you're away from your family. Whereas
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for me, I always lived at home for a long time and was
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deeply influenced by my parents, and especially ones, were extremely involved,
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even my grandmother still calls to give me advice on a daily basis.
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Yeah, there are pluses and minuses to that. I can see how that
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is. But I think that is one of the great things about...
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I see a lot of conversation online. And being an entrepreneur myself,
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and as you are, and we'll get into that in a minute,
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but that is college necessary and is going away to school worth the
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money? And sometimes I look at it as it's not about the money,
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and it's not about what you're learning at school, per se in your
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classes, it's that opportunity that you're talking about to discover who
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you are and to live independently and to explore... Yeah, for sure.
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I actually, I went on exchange when I was 19 to University of
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Miami, and I really got to say like, Oh my gosh,
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this is... The Americans just know what they're doing. I was so much
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fun. Oh yeah, well, Miami is a completely different picture, just in and
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of itself is a... Well, it was denial. A lot of fun.
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That's for sure. I was like, I kinda imagine doing this for four
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years, but boy, was it a good time for six months.
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Yeah, I bet I'm so. Okay, so you're in New York and
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you are exploring who you are and you're thinking, Wow, there's this whole
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world out there that I know you exist, and then someone told me
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You should come to Burning Man, which is a festival in the middle
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of the desert, and it was like eight hour drive from Los Angeles,
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and I was living in New York, so is a huge thing,
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and there's no cell reception, you bring absolutely everything you need
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with you, it's a festival of radical self reliance and where everyone just
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comes... There's no money, it's just a battery will not even battering,
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you're just giving... That's the essence of Burning Man, to just give your
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gifts, and so I went there with no expectation of what this festival
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was, I went, and that was a huge shift in my life because
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I saw how an alternative universe could be one where
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we were truly living from our soul's purpose, or just giving our soul's
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gift, so I was at the... One of my gifts was I made
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these little fans that said Happy, Happy Burning Man, and it was something
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that I created and that felt really great, and I also sung,
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so I would go into the middle of the desert and just start
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singing, and that was part of my contribution and other people's contributions
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would be to set up a food, still someone else would be playing
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music, and this whole festival is created based on community coming together
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to share their gifts, and I remember just at one point,
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I was like, Why... Why does that world exist, and why do we
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have money, and why isn't it all equal? And it made me question
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every single value I'd ever grown up with, when we could actually create
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something from scratch, where everyone just came together in community to
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share their gifts and talents and how they love to be in the
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world, and came with this massive open hearts and
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with such diverse cultures and talents, and it was that moment of just,
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why is the universe of the world the way that it is?
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And it made me question everything. And I kinda came back and wanting
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to have this huge desire to build something like that
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in my life, and so yeah, that took me to buy her and
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Bay where we live, it's such an incredible community here, and I've actually
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just moved into land in melanin and I've got people that are coming
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to live on the land and not pay rent, but they do gardening,
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and the other person is building something on the land, so we're really
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just redefining how money can be used or how energy can be used
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because we just live in such a limited way of thinking about how
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we can exchange energy... Right? 'cause everything is energy, we live in
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a world that we have this illusion that
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there are things other than energy, but really...
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Everything is made up of energy. Interesting, so back up for a second,
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as you were living in New York and you went to Burning Man,
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and now you're in Iran, become the disheartening that up to like...
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Yeah, I would say it was the most profound experience of my life,
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just a huge shift, maybe question my entire life, how I was living,
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what values I was living by, who had chosen them, how had society
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being created? How did I wanna live? So every single thing was questioned
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in that week of being at Bunyan, and I came back and there
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was one point where I was in the desert,
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kind of in this dust and my whole life flash before my eyes
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and I just got... Just became this hole metaphor for my life or
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about how I'm just like not really seeing beyond the construct that I
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couldn't see more than a meter above my face, and I went straight
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to the temple, which is a beautiful space at Bernie man and I
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just started writing, writing myself a letter about how I wanna be in
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this world, what values I choose outside the life that I've been living,
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what would my future life look like if I lived by these values,
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and I could see that I was totally on the wrong track in
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life, and so I came back from the burn, I called my husband
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and I was like, I've had this huge phony and I don't think
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we're supposed to be together, I don't see our life together,
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I'm gonna quit my job, I'm gonna do all these... Start doing...
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Living this separate life, and he was obviously extremely taken aback by
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it all and asked if he could come on this journey with me,
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and I was like, Sure, if you're open to it, let's do it,
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and we tried for a bit, and I think he very quickly realized
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that that wasn't... He was very happy in the construct which he lives
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and that wasn't the part that he wanted to choose, and so we
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consciously sort of chose these separate ways, and I've just continued to
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go down that more spiritual path of questioning everything in life and really
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making decisions from a place of my intuition and really not listening to
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my mind and all the stories and beliefs I've been told my whole
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life, I now actually truly tuning every day and be like,
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What is true for me today to be living and doing...
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And I just live from that place, and that has taken me through
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Melanie, I never planned out how my life would be, I've just
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really followed the little bread crumbs along the way, and it's taken me
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to the most magical places that my mind could have never,
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ever... Ever constructed? Very cool. How do you attain it? It's a big
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practice and I spent about two hours in the morning. But it always
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starts off with a little bit of movement I'll do since I'll do
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some yoga, I'll do some dancing, and then I'll meditate for at least
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half an hour. I'll do some journaling, and then I pick affirmation cards,
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so I actually have my own deck that I've written, but
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I use all different kinds of cards just to ask my higher self
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what is in the greatest good for me to know today?
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And the wisdom I get from cards and how it allows me to
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journey depot myself is really profound. Interesting, okay, so did you
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get some kind of training on how to
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do the meditations that you're doing, or how did you get into the
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practice, this extensive practice that you're doing, you...
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Tell me more about how you learned to do that. Or
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where the inspiration... I was actually at Burning Man.
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I was someone before then exercise, that's what I said, I run,
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that's my meditation, I'm a runner, and that's when I get to be
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with my thoughts, and I would have this huge
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block... Again, sitting down in meditation for me, I was so hyperactive,
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moving a million miles, and now we're working in a corporate job,
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like I did not have time to sit for five minutes...
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No. And I went... You just reminded me of there's that Buddha
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or that the Buddhist freeze quote, that If you don't have time to
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meditate for one hour a day yet you don't have time to sit
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for five minutes, it for 10 minutes a similar... I was at Burning
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Man and I walked into this workshop and I see this guy who
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was actually a friend of mine in New York, and I was like,
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Oh, nice. And he was running this workshop and I was like,
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cool, and it was all about meditating and dancing, and he's like,
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If you're someone with a super hyperactive mind and you're always doing
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things a million miles an hour, like many New Yorkers, you should wake
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up in dance first and then meditate. And so I tried this practice
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at Burning Man, and it was the first time I experienced stillness in
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my mind, and I was like... I went up to like,
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That was amazing, and I chatted to me like in the meditation teacher,
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you should learn with me. And we became really, really good friends.
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And then from that day forward, I then danced. Every morning I would
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wake up and I with dads to the song,
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open your eyes, which is a theme from day break, which is a
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dance movement company community in America in the US. And that was when
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I went to that guy that I met at The Nieman lived in
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New York, we went to Daybreak it together, which is that community,
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and we did this morning sunrise, and that song just became this song
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for my life every day I'd wake up and dance to the song,
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and then over time, I've built my practice to now be about two
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hours, but it started off with five minutes of dancing in five minutes
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of sitting and then expanding pandian it finally enough
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as a nature would have it when I came to buy a bay
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Niko, that guy for Bernina was in Australia for his sister's wedding,
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and we bumped into each other on the beach being like,
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What are you doing in Australia, Irena. And we ended up falling in
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love. And he was the one that... We just bought a house,
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we bought this house together in Milan, Bambi, and my whole life from
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the moment I met him to getting me into this place was all
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like... It was like this crazy sense of coincidences that the universe wanted
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us to create all this stuff together, which we have and...
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Yeah, so it's just been a magical journey and now we've just split
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up, which is really interesting too, because it's now I'm ready for the
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second evolution of myself, and so I'm feeling again that we talk about
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living this fine, like I'm not about fine, I'm always like,
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from good to great. And when let's keep evolving and growing and letting
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go of what no longer serves so we can continue to show up
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and truly live out our destiny. It sounds like you're getting really good
17:47
at the letting go and letting things evolve,
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part of things, which I think a lot of people struggle with because
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we tend to want to hold on to what we know,
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'cause it's familiar. I was gonna say... Yeah, it's safe, it's familiar.
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I was gonna say it's comfortable, but a lot of times it's not
18:08
comfortable, it's just familiar, and so it's very difficult to let go
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and to allow what else? The next thing to come in,
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'cause you have to... A lot of times you have to let go
18:23
of something before the news thing can come in, but we want the
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new things before we let go to make sure that we're gonna be
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okay, or to live in the miracle... How it work.
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Yeah, and then I also wanted to step back a second to when
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you were talking about the movement before the meditation, and so I create
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these custom meditations, customized gratitude meditations for clients,
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and I hear a lot of times when I'm talking about and teaching
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about meditation, I can't sit still. So I love that you shared this
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technique of kind of like getting all the energy out of your body,
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and then it was profound, I... Until you've had the experience of stillness,
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and then you can tap into that stillness more frequently, but for someone,
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especially for myself, who is so hyperactive, so stimulated from a very
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young age, I never knew how to sit still, so that just was
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never gonna happen for me. And now that now I can sit for
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hours, but it's taken a lot of time too, and I appreciate that
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still, no, so much more in my life now because I can actually
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experience it fully, whereas when you're sitting in your mind's just racing,
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it's so un gratifying And yeah, it's uncomfortable and un gratifying you
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come out of it for additional 'cause you were trying so hard to
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get to that place of stillness and it wasn't working, and I just
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like the... Yeah, I'm not good at, I'm not good at it,
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I can't do it. So we give up.
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Right, right. Which is not the point of meditation is not to make
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you more aggravated an agent, but... Yeah, so
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that just is another point that meditation is a practice,
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it's not like you sit down one day and you are a monk
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and you can sit and meditate for hours with no thoughts at all
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going through your head again, you've expanded your practice. Yes. Reprint
20:23
still have days when my mind is deeply racing and...
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Yeah, of course, we all do. Yeah, okay, so continue the story of...
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So you, Nico created this whole amazing thing and they parted ways and
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what's not a... Back in the material. I think I wanted to touch
20:44
on the fact that you said, I'd be God and really good at
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this idea of letting go, and I wanna just
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reiterate that this is a... It's a muscle that we need to learn
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to flex, I think the first time I did it when I was
20:57
16, and I took that risk of... What I Know is familiar.
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I've always lived in a Jewish... I've always been a Jewish school,
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had Jewish values. That piece of curiosity came up around, is there more
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for me here, I could always have this, but what if...
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And so I was obviously a very curious child and teenager,
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but because I flex that muscle quite young and my parents were quite
21:23
encouraging of me to do something that was a little bit different,
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I was able to flex that muscle, and there's still so much fear
21:31
every time I do it, but I get better and better at it,
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because I see that when we let go of what no longer serves,
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we're able to really experience the magic of life, because the universe
21:41
is always giving us these little bread crumbs when... When we follow them,
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we don't get to see the loaf of bread... Yeah, it's like that
21:48
comes and you get slices along the way, but often it's just little
21:52
bread crumbs and then more magic and more magic, and
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I actually just went on camping this weekend, and
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it was so... I'll try and make this story as short as possible,
22:04
but in essence, I was really struggling with this break up because he's
22:09
the most beautiful... Perfect, man, our life is amazing, we've been creating
22:13
these incredible... This incredible dance movement, and we've got this corporate
22:18
workshop business to get it, things are flowing and it's been so amicable
22:22
and perfect, and for whatever reason, he said to me,
22:26
I just not fully in this... I don't know why I love you
22:29
as my best friend, I love you as my business partner,
22:32
but there's something in me, and I could feel this like not 100%
22:36
commitment. I would say I felt 999%, but I know that little something...
22:41
And I was like, What is it? He's like, I just don't know.
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And having been on the other end of that, being with someone who
22:47
I wasn't a 100% in, I know that that doesn't serve him,
22:51
and therefore it doesn't serve me and doesn't serve the highest good,
22:54
therefore we let go and we see what's available in the nothingness.
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But in that being in the nothingness and letting go of something that
23:01
I absolutely loved with all of my heart,
23:05
I knew that the mystery was called, that the emptiness... That would be
23:08
the magic. Anyway, I go and I'm camping, and I was like,
23:12
I just need to shift something, let me see what is in the
23:15
highest group, and I went for this huge walk in
23:19
along the beach, and I watched this eagle fly about... This eagle was
23:23
following me the entire way, and the eagle obviously represents one that
23:27
can see things from a high vantage point, one that isn't so caught
23:31
up in the little stuff that it allows you to save the greater
23:34
picture, and all this wisdom was coming in from our relationship and why
23:38
we're not together, and I could just start to see things,
23:40
and I'm watching this eagle as wisdom and download to coming into me,
23:45
and I watch it like shit and I pose and like,
23:49
Shit come on it, and it turns into a rainbow because of the
23:54
light. And it was just like, What do Wicomico metaphor for me in
23:59
that moment of like, Oh my gosh, from up close, it feels like
24:04
you're in a shit storm, but from a high advantage point,
24:09
it's really just like letting go of what no longer serves and releasing
24:14
and that paid way for the magic of life to come through,
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and so I was like, Oh, I've just been in the Shoshone,
24:21
I'm just waiting for the magic now, and I just like...
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I felt this huge wave of peace and acceptance come over me of
24:29
like, I'm in and the magic is about to come,
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and so yeah, I'm still... I'm still sort of seeing how the patients
24:37
are unfolding, but finally enough, the next day,
24:40
when I got back, a friend of mine wants to move in,
24:43
and her and her best friend patient, he's a God and He's gonna
24:48
build this space and my whole vision for how I wanna live in
24:53
terms of having... Community is now coming to fruition because Nico isn't
24:57
there anymore, and so I'm just like, Wow,
25:01
something greater is happening, and I always say Give up the good you
25:05
get the great in life, and so don't hold on to good if
25:08
good isn't 100 for body. Yes, 100%, then it's a no.
25:14
And so give up that thing to allow space for the new to
25:19
come in... Yes. Oh my gosh, that's so beautiful. And so easy to
25:26
say, and it is a different thing, however, like you said,
25:33
all of the practices that you're talking about contribute to your being
25:37
able to do that, and I'll say more easily, but I don't mean
25:42
easy, it's not easy, but it allows you to be more accepting
25:48
of the situation. I think another thing too, is all about the frequency
25:55
that we put out in life when we're in our heart and where
25:59
the frequency of love, we will have everything that the universe that we
26:04
desire, and so I don't like I refuse to live in a frequency
26:08
of fear or a frequency of concern about the future, because then I'm
26:13
not... Nothing is gonna come to me and I say refuse,
26:17
I really choose not to. I find it challenging when I'm in those
26:21
spaces of what this is in how my life was supposed to unfold,
26:25
especially when I'm in this beautiful relationship with everything's working
26:28
and then the rug just gets pulled from underneath me, but in that
26:32
rug being pulled out and I'm in that state, all I can do
26:34
is come back to my heart and just have that... Knowing that everything
26:38
is working out for me. And so all these practices helped to bring
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me back to my heart, and I know that the second I'm not
26:45
in my heart, that nothing's coming through, and so if I remember that
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and know that of course, the universe wants me to have everything,
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and I can only be me, and if that doesn't serve me,
26:57
then then that doesn't serve anyone all the highest good. And so when
27:01
I can remember that in those moments and hold myself and give myself
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the love of validation that I was seeking in other,
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I then can be the frequency of love and go out and receive
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in this world. Again, that's super easy to say and to understand as
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you're saying it... Yes, yes, that makes sense. That makes sense,
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but when you're in that actual moment of
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fear or misunderstand it, like Why is this happening...
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I don't say necessarily putting yourself in the victim mode of Why is
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this happening to me, but why is this happening and feeling that fear,
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what is the... Is there a technique or something that you use immediately
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in that moment... Yeah, just When I'm feeling that fear, I'll ask myself,
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what is underneath this? Like, what is he?
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And then I will choose to allow myself the space to like,
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Oh wow, that's what my mind is telling me.
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Wow, I may be journal about it and just be with that information
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and then choose the higher... So let's say in a relationship,
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I have choices that I choose every day, you call it manifesting minutes,
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and I choose the unrest of a loving passion, a joyful relationship,
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or we support each other in our greatness, and so I want that
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greatness for myself, I want that greatness for my partner, and if the
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greatness is us not being together, then there's someone who that greatness
28:25
will be with, so I can feel like, Oh, in this moment,
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it sucks, like I'm really sad and feel that great, and then then
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back into, what does it feel like in my heart, to be with
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someone, to be in that kind of relationship, and that takes me back
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to my center, to my heart, to my vision, and then I can
28:42
call that back in because we are operating from that place of the
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heart, the emotion, whatever emotion we're experiencing is what will attract
28:49
into our lives or more of that, and so I just have to
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flip that from fear to love, of fear from him, fear to find...
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And often for me, that's dancing through that too, so I might just
29:00
put on music and shake out the breath, sound movement, shake it out,
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and allow my body also not just my mind to have the space,
29:09
but my body to release that fear, 'cause there's energy that's stuck in
29:14
the body and I'll move that and then come back to my heart,
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and what's true is that I know that I'm worthy, deserving and good
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enough of this incredible relationship that I want in my life,
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and so I'm gonna have that if I stay in the frequency of
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love. Fabulous, love it. So that is the perfect segue into
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what is the song that you listen to when you need to get
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into that higher vibration or frequency, or your... Often listen to the
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day break a theme song, which is open your eyes,
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and it's just all about the life we live, see every day as
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a gift, open your eyes, and I just love what that stands for,
29:56
and sometimes I'll leave you just seeing my own song and start riffing
30:00
on my own lyrics to pump myself up, 'cause I know what I
30:03
need in those moments and what I need to hear,
30:06
and that's always a beautiful practice too. Awesome, okay, so we're gonna
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put a link to that song in the show notes,
30:16
what you said, do you have your own song, is there is...
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It's not hard to get that I will send it to you once
30:21
we have it. Okay, so we'll put a link to both songs.
30:28
And how can people get in touch with you if they want to
30:31
see in an NME on Instagram? The moment I'm going by Coco cores,
30:36
but they may change back to court ankles, I go between my two
30:40
names, but yeah, on Instagram, and then I also have
30:45
affirmation cards that I've written and there at pick me up cards dot
30:49
com, and there are Pontypool uplifting, empowerment cards
30:54
to help make Joy a daily practice. Fabulous, and they make a great
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gift as well for yourself or for your closest, or not even close
31:06
yet to a hot... Just need to pick me up, send them their
31:08
way. Wonderful, thank you so much for joining me today. I finally hougang
31:17
me. So I want to chat and always interesting to dissect the idea
31:23
of you fine, it's definitely when we were born to be on this,
31:27
to live fine life, we learn to... We were here to live something
31:30
absolutely magnificent. Yes. Thank you, Althea.