Latest / The H. G. Wells Library / Certain Personal Matters - House-Hunting as an Outdoor Amusement

Transcript

Certain Personal Matters - House-Hunting as an Outdoor Amusement · The H. G. Wells Library

• 0:01
  Speaker 1: Chapter eleven of Certain Personal Matters. This is a LibriVox recording.
• 0:10
  Speaker 1: All LibriVox recordings are in the public domain. For more
• 0:16
  Speaker 1: information or to volunteer, please visit LibriVox dot org. Recording
• 0:24
  Speaker 1: by Greg Giardano. Certain Personal Matters by H. G. Wells,
• 0:33
  Speaker 1: Chapter eleven. House hunting as an outdoor amusement. Since Adam
• 0:40
  Speaker 1: and Eve went hand in hand out of the gates
• 0:43
  Speaker 1: of Paradise, the world has travailed under an infinite succession
• 0:48
  Speaker 1: of house hunts. Today, in every eligible suburb you may
• 0:53
  Speaker 1: see new Adams and new Eves by the score, with
• 0:57
  Speaker 1: rusty keys and pink order forms in hand, wandering still
• 1:02
  Speaker 1: in search of the ideal home. To them, it is
• 1:06
  Speaker 1: anything but an amusement. Most of these poor pilgrims look
• 1:11
  Speaker 1: simply tired. Some are argumentative in addition, but all are disappointed, anxious,
• 1:19
  Speaker 1: and unhappy, their hands dirty with prying among cisterns, and
• 1:24
  Speaker 1: their garments soiled from cellar walls. All, in the exultation
• 1:29
  Speaker 1: of the wooing days, saw at least the indistinct reflection
• 1:34
  Speaker 1: of the perfect house. But now the quest is irrevocably
• 1:37
  Speaker 1: in hand. They seek and do not find, And such
• 1:41
  Speaker 1: a momentous question, it is to them, are they not
• 1:45
  Speaker 1: choosing the background, the air, and the color, as it were,
• 1:49
  Speaker 1: of the next three or four years, the cardinal years too,
• 1:54
  Speaker 1: of their lives. Perhaps the exquisite exasperation of the business
• 1:59
  Speaker 1: for the man who hunt among empty houses for a
• 2:02
  Speaker 1: home is that it is so entirely a choice of
• 2:05
  Speaker 1: second hand or at least already made goods. To me,
• 2:10
  Speaker 1: at least, there is a decided suggestion of the dead
• 2:13
  Speaker 1: body in your empty house that has once been occupied. Here,
• 2:18
  Speaker 1: like pale ghosts upon the wall paper are outlined the
• 2:22
  Speaker 1: pictures of the departed tenant. Here the nails of the
• 2:25
  Speaker 1: invisible curtains. This dent in the wall is all that
• 2:29
  Speaker 1: is sensible of a vanished piano. I could fancy all
• 2:33
  Speaker 1: these things creeping back to visibility as the light grew dim.
• 2:38
  Speaker 1: Someone was irritable in the house. Perhaps, and a haunting
• 2:42
  Speaker 1: fragrance of departed quarrels is to be found in the
• 2:45
  Speaker 1: loose door handles and the broken bell pull. Then the
• 2:49
  Speaker 1: blind in the bedroom has a broken string. He was
• 2:52
  Speaker 1: a beer drinker, for the drip of the tap has
• 2:55
  Speaker 1: left its mark in the cellar. A careless man, for
• 2:59
  Speaker 1: this wall all is a record of burst water pipes
• 3:02
  Speaker 1: and rough in his methods. As emendation of the garden Gate,
• 3:07
  Speaker 1: a remedy rather worse than the disease, shows the mark
• 3:12
  Speaker 1: of this prepotent previous man is left on the house
• 3:15
  Speaker 1: from cellar to attic. It is his house, really not mine.
• 3:20
  Speaker 1: And against these haunting individualities set the horrible wholesale flavor,
• 3:25
  Speaker 1: the obvious, dexterous builders economies of a new house. Yet
• 3:30
  Speaker 1: whatever your repulsion may be, the end is always the same.
• 3:35
  Speaker 1: After you have asked for your ideal house a hundred
• 3:38
  Speaker 1: times or so, you begin to see you do not
• 3:40
  Speaker 1: get it. You go the way of your kind. All
• 3:44
  Speaker 1: houses are taken in despair. But such disgusts as this
• 3:50
  Speaker 1: are for the man who really aims at taking a house.
• 3:54
  Speaker 1: The artist's house hunter knows better than that he hunts
• 3:58
  Speaker 1: for the hunt's sake, and does not mar his work
• 4:01
  Speaker 1: with a purpose. Then how hunting becomes a really delightful employment,
• 4:07
  Speaker 1: and one strangely neglected in this country. I have heard,
• 4:11
  Speaker 1: indeed of old ladies who enlivened the intervals of their
• 4:14
  Speaker 1: devotions in this manner. But to the general run of people,
• 4:18
  Speaker 1: the thing is unknown, yet a more entertaining way of
• 4:22
  Speaker 1: spending a half holiday. Having regard to current taste, it
• 4:26
  Speaker 1: should be difficult to imagine an empty house is a
• 4:30
  Speaker 1: realistic literature in the concrete, full of hints and illusions,
• 4:35
  Speaker 1: if a little wanting and tangible humanity, and it out
• 4:39
  Speaker 1: does the modern story in its own line by beginning,
• 4:43
  Speaker 1: as well as ending in a note of interrogation, that
• 4:47
  Speaker 1: it is not more extensively followed, I can only explain
• 4:50
  Speaker 1: by supposing that its merits are generally unsuspected, in which
• 4:55
  Speaker 1: case this book should set a fashion. One singular thing
• 5:00
  Speaker 1: the house hunter very speedily discovers is that the greater
• 5:04
  Speaker 1: portion of the houses in this country are owned by
• 5:07
  Speaker 1: old gentlemen or old ladies who live next door. After
• 5:12
  Speaker 1: a certain age, and especially upon retired tradespeople, house property,
• 5:18
  Speaker 1: either alone or in common with gardening exercises, are irresistible fascination.
• 5:25
  Speaker 1: You always know you are going to meet the landlord
• 5:27
  Speaker 1: or land lady of this type when you read on
• 5:30
  Speaker 1: your order to view quote key next door but one
• 5:34
  Speaker 1: end quote calling next door but one. You are joined,
• 5:38
  Speaker 1: after the lapse of a few minutes by a bald
• 5:41
  Speaker 1: stout gentleman or a lady of immemorial years who offers
• 5:46
  Speaker 1: to go over the property with you. Apparently the intervals
• 5:50
  Speaker 1: between visits to view are spent in slumber, and these
• 5:54
  Speaker 1: old people come out refreshed and keen to scrutinize their
• 5:57
  Speaker 1: possible new neighbors. They will tell you all about the
• 6:01
  Speaker 1: last tenant, and about the present tenants on either side,
• 6:05
  Speaker 1: and about themselves, and how all the other houses in
• 6:08
  Speaker 1: the neighborhood are damp, how they remember when the sight
• 6:11
  Speaker 1: of the house was a cornfield, and what they do
• 6:14
  Speaker 1: for their rheumatism. As one hears them giving a most
• 6:17
  Speaker 1: delightful vent to their loquacity, the artistic house hunter feels
• 6:21
  Speaker 1: all the righteous self applause of a kindly deed. Sometimes
• 6:26
  Speaker 1: they get extremely friendly. One old gentleman, to whom anyone
• 6:30
  Speaker 1: under forty must have seemed puerile, presented the gentle writer
• 6:34
  Speaker 1: with three fine, large green apples as a kind of
• 6:37
  Speaker 1: earnest of his treatment, apples no doubt of some little value,
• 6:42
  Speaker 1: since they excited the audible envy of several little boys
• 6:46
  Speaker 1: before they were disposed of. Sometimes the landlord has even
• 6:50
  Speaker 1: superintended the building of the house himself, and then it
• 6:54
  Speaker 1: often has peculiar distinctions, no coal cellar or a tower
• 6:58
  Speaker 1: with turrets or pillars of ornamental marble, investing the portico
• 7:04
  Speaker 1: with disproportionate dignity. When old gentleman young as old gentleman
• 7:09
  Speaker 1: go short of stature, of an agreeable red color, and
• 7:13
  Speaker 1: with short iron gray hair, and a niche over the
• 7:17
  Speaker 1: front door containing a piece of statuary, he gave one
• 7:21
  Speaker 1: the impression of the Venus de Milo in chocolate pajamas.
• 7:25
  Speaker 1: It was nude at first, said the landlord. But the
• 7:29
  Speaker 1: neighborhood is hardily educated up to art and objected, so
• 7:33
  Speaker 1: I gave it to that browned paint. On one expedition
• 7:37
  Speaker 1: the artistic house hunter was accompanied by Euphemia. Then it
• 7:41
  Speaker 1: was he found Hillcrest, a vast edifice at the incredible
• 7:45
  Speaker 1: rent of forty pounds a year, with which a megathereal
• 7:49
  Speaker 1: key was identified. It took the two of them not
• 7:52
  Speaker 1: to mention an umbrella to turn this key. The rent
• 7:56
  Speaker 1: was a mystery, and while they were in the house
• 7:59
  Speaker 1: a thunder storm kept them there some time. They tried
• 8:03
  Speaker 1: to imagine the murder. From the top windows, they could
• 8:06
  Speaker 1: see the roofs of the opposite houses, and plain I
• 8:10
  Speaker 1: wonder how long it would take to get to the
• 8:12
  Speaker 1: top of the house from the bottom, said Euphemia. Certainly
• 8:17
  Speaker 1: longer than we could manage every day, said the artistic
• 8:20
  Speaker 1: house hunter. Fancy looking for my pipe in all these rooms,
• 8:24
  Speaker 1: starting from the top bedroom at the usual time. I
• 8:27
  Speaker 1: suppose one would arrive downstairs to breakfast about eleven. Then
• 8:32
  Speaker 1: we should have to be getting upstairs again by eight
• 8:34
  Speaker 1: o'clock if we wanted any night's rest worth having. Or
• 8:39
  Speaker 1: we might double or trebled existence. Live a gargantu in
• 8:43
  Speaker 1: life to match the house. Make our day of forty
• 8:46
  Speaker 1: eight hours instead of twenty four. By doubling everything, we
• 8:50
  Speaker 1: should not notice the hole it made in our time
• 8:53
  Speaker 1: getting about the place. Perhaps by making dinner last twice
• 8:56
  Speaker 1: as long, eating twice as much, and doing everything on
• 9:00
  Speaker 1: the scale of two to one, we might adapt ourselves
• 9:04
  Speaker 1: to our environment and time grow twice as big. Then
• 9:08
  Speaker 1: we might be very comfortable here, said Euphemia. They went
• 9:12
  Speaker 1: downstairs again. By that time it was thundering and raining heavily.
• 9:18
  Speaker 1: The rooms were dark and gloomy. The big side door,
• 9:21
  Speaker 1: which would not shut unless locked from the outside, swayed
• 9:26
  Speaker 1: and banged as the gust of wind swept round the house,
• 9:29
  Speaker 1: but they had a good time in the front kitchen,
• 9:31
  Speaker 1: playing cricket with an umbrella, and the agent's order crumpled
• 9:35
  Speaker 1: into a ball. Presently, the artistic house hunter lifted Euphemia
• 9:39
  Speaker 1: on to the tall dresser, and they sat there, swinging
• 9:42
  Speaker 1: their feet patiently till the storm should leave off and
• 9:46
  Speaker 1: release them. I should feel in this kitchen, said Euphemia,
• 9:51
  Speaker 1: like one of my little dolls must have felt in
• 9:53
  Speaker 1: the doll's house kitchen I had once top of her
• 9:56
  Speaker 1: head just reached the level of the table. There were
• 9:59
  Speaker 1: only four plates on the dresser, but each was about
• 10:02
  Speaker 1: half her height across. Your reminiscences are always entertaining, said
• 10:08
  Speaker 1: the artistic house hunter. Still they failed to explain the
• 10:11
  Speaker 1: absorbing mystery of this house being to let at forty
• 10:15
  Speaker 1: pounds a year. The problem raised his curiosity, but though
• 10:20
  Speaker 1: he made inquiries, he found no reason for the remarkably
• 10:24
  Speaker 1: little rent or the continued emptiness of the house. It
• 10:28
  Speaker 1: was a specimen puzzle for the house hunter. A large
• 10:32
  Speaker 1: house with the garden of about half an acre, and
• 10:35
  Speaker 1: with accommodation for about six families, going begging for forty
• 10:39
  Speaker 1: pounds a year, would it lead at eighty. Some such problem, however,
• 10:45
  Speaker 1: turns up in every house hunt, and it is these
• 10:48
  Speaker 1: surprises they give the sport its particular interest and delight,
• 10:53
  Speaker 1: always provided the mind is not unsettled by any ulterior
• 10:58
  Speaker 1: notion of subtle end of Chapter eleven. Recording by Greg Giardano, Newport, Ritchie, Florida,