Latest / The Kathie Owen Perspective Podcast / 308. Reality Transurfing - Pressure Reveals Everything: 7 Life-Changing Lessons
Transcript
- 0:00Kathie (2): Have you ever noticed two people can walk into the exact same situation, one completely falls apart, and the other stays calm?
- 0:10Kathie (2): Same pressure, same circumstances, completely different experience.
- 0:16Kathie (2): Why?
- 0:17Kathie (2): Because pressure isn't just about what's happening around us.
- 0:22Kathie (2): It's about what we're doing inside our own minds.
- 0:25Kathie (2): And for nearly 10 years, I've studied Reality Transurfing by Vadim Zeland.
- 0:31Kathie (2): And it completely changed how I handle pressure, how I deal with difficult people, how I lead, and honestly, how I experience life.
- 0:41Kathie (2): Today, I want to share seven lessons that have had the biggest impact on me, because these aren't just ideas.
- 0:48Kathie (2): These are things I use almost every single day.
- 0:53Kathie (2): Welcome to the Kathie Owen Perspective podcast.
- 0:56Kathie (2): My name is Kathie Owen, and I help leaders and organizations understand the human side of pressure, because behavior changes under pressure, and those patterns shape culture, leadership, and business results.
- 1:11Kathie (2): Today, we're talking about seven lessons from Reality Transurfing that changed how I see the world.
- 1:17Kathie (2): Let's jump in.
- 1:19Kathie (2): Lesson number one: importance creates pressure.
- 1:24Kathie (2): Think about it.
- 1:25Kathie (2): When we make something super-duper important and put it up on a pedestal, it's going to create pressure.
- 1:33Kathie (2): And one of the biggest ideas in Reality Transurfing is something Vadim Zeland calls importance.
- 1:41Kathie (2): The more important something becomes, the more pressure we create.
- 1:46Kathie (2): So think about it.
- 1:47Kathie (2): A job interview, a first date, giving a speech, waiting for someone to text you back.
- 1:53Kathie (2): The event isn't always what overwhelms us.
- 1:56Kathie (2): It's everything we've attached to it.
- 1:59Kathie (2): If this doesn't work, or my future is over, or they'll reject me, or I'll look stupid.
- 2:08Kathie (2): Now the pressure isn't coming from reality, it's coming from our own thinking.
- 2:13Kathie (2): I've watched this happen inside companies.
- 2:15Kathie (2): Leaders become so attached to looking competent, they stop listening.
- 2:19Kathie (2): Employees become so afraid of making mistakes, they stop innovating.
- 2:23Kathie (2): Pressure expands because importance expands.
- 2:27Kathie (2): The event didn't change, the meaning did.
- 2:31Kathie (2): Lesson number two: pendulums feed on your energy.
- 2:37Kathie (2): This is probably my favorite concept int- inside the entire book.
- 2:43Kathie (2): Pendulums.
- 2:43Kathie (2): A pendulum is anything that wants your emotional energy: politics, office gossip, family drama, social media, the person that always knows exactly how to push your buttons, traffic, even the argument you're having with someone...
- 2:58Kathie (2): inside your own head...
- 3:02Kathie (2): while you're driving to work.
- 3:05Kathie (2): Oh, yeah, we've all done it.
- 3:07Kathie (2): The more emotionally hooked we become, the stronger the pendulum becomes.
- 3:12Kathie (2): One of my favorite quotes from the book is,"Lack of fulfillment and dissatisfaction are the pendulum's favorite dish." When I first read that, I laughed.
- 3:23Kathie (2): Then I realized how often I had been feeding things that deserved none of my energy.
- 3:30Kathie (2): Lesson number three: observation weakens the pendulum.
- 3:35Kathie (2): Here's what surprised me.
- 3:36Kathie (2): You don't always have to fight.
- 3:38Kathie (2): Sometimes you simply observe.
- 3:41Kathie (2): I spend a lot of time sitting in restaurants.
- 3:44Kathie (2): Mo- most people think I'm just eating lunch or watching a baseball game, but I'm actually watching.
- 3:52Kathie (2): I'm watching leaders interact with employees.
- 3:54Kathie (2): I'm watching couples, families, servers, managers.
- 3:58Kathie (2): I'm studying human behavior under pressure.
- 4:00Kathie (2): And the funny thing is, once you start observing, you stop reacting quite so quickly.
- 4:07Kathie (2): Sometimes I even smile, not because someone else's behavior is funny, but because I recognize the pattern.
- 4:13Kathie (2): Observation creates distance, and guess what?
- 4:17Kathie (2): Distance creates freedom.
- 4:21Kathie (2): Lesson number four: ask better questions.
- 4:25Kathie (2): Years ago, I would ask,"Why is this happening to me?" Now I ask something completely different,"What is happening here?
- 4:33Kathie (2): What pattern am I seeing?
- 4:36Kathie (2): What can I learn from this?" That tiny shift completely changed my life.
- 4:41Kathie (2): Victim questions keep us stuck.
- 4:44Kathie (2): I talk about the victim-victimizer cycle all the time.
- 4:48Kathie (2): I also have several articles on the victim-victimizer.
- 4:51Kathie (2): But a victim question or even a victimizer question does keep us stuck.
- 5:00Kathie (2): Observer questions, on the other hand, make us curious, and curiosity is incredibly calming and, let me add, powerful.
- 5:12Kathie (2): Because once you're curious, you stop needing immediate answers.
- 5:18Kathie (2): Lesson number five: observe before you react.
- 5:22Kathie (2): This is where reality transurfing overlaps beautifully with my work in human patterns under pressure.
- 5:28Kathie (2): Pressure wants speed.
- 5:30Kathie (2): Your nervous system wants certainty.
- 5:32Kathie (2): Your emotions want immediate relief, and observation says,"Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait.
- 5:37Kathie (2): Hold on a second.
- 5:39Kathie (2): Let's gather information first," like a scientist.
- 5:43Kathie (2): I can't tell you how many leadership problems I've watched escalate because someone reacted to the first story their mind created.
- 5:51Kathie (2): Instead of observing, they defended, explained, blamed, withdrew.
- 5:56Kathie (2): Observation creates another choice.
- 6:00Kathie (2): Sometimes that's all you need.
- 6:03Kathie (2): Lesson number six, protect your capacity.
- 6:07Kathie (2): This lesson has become incredibly important for me.
- 6:10Kathie (2): I realized something recently.
- 6:12Kathie (2): I hadn't lost clarity, I had lost bandwidth.
- 6:16Kathie (2): There is a difference.
- 6:18Kathie (2): I still knew the truth, but emotionally, my nervous system had become overloaded.
- 6:24Kathie (2): When we keep feeding emotional hooks, you know, those pendulums, we reduce our available capacity.
- 6:31Kathie (2): We become impatient, we lose perspective, we stop noticing.
- 6:35Kathie (2): That's why protecting your energy is not selfish.
- 6:38Kathie (2): It is leadership.
- 6:41Kathie (2): Whether you're leading a company, raising children, or simply trying to become a calmer human being, capacity matters.
- 6:51Kathie (2): Lesson number seven, every hook is an invitation.
- 6:56Kathie (2): One of my mentors, Cintia, says something I'll never forget.
- 7:00Kathie (2): Whenever something difficult happens, she smiles and says,"There's an opportunity here." And I can hear her saying it.
- 7:08Kathie (2): Cintia is from Spain, and then also she lives in Paris.
- 7:13Kathie (2): And I wish I could emulate her accent the way she says it.
- 7:18Kathie (2): She goes,"There's an opportunity here," but I can't do it.
- 7:21Kathie (2): Anyways, you just gotta know.
- 7:23Kathie (2): I actually love that because every emotional hook tells us something.
- 7:29Kathie (2): It shows me where I'm attached, where I'm afraid, where I'm making something too important.
- 7:35Kathie (2): There's that word, importance.
- 7:38Kathie (2): Pressure isn't just revealing the situation, it's revealing me, and that's incredibly valuable if I'm willing to look So there is a leadership connection here, and this is why I care so deeply about these ideas, because leadership is not just strategy.
- 7:56Kathie (2): Leadership is emotional influence.
- 7:59Kathie (2): When leaders become emotionally hooked, everyone around them feels it.
- 8:03Kathie (2): Meetings change, communication changes, trust changes.
- 8:07Kathie (2): But when leaders stay present and observe first and regulate themselves, they create psychological safety.
- 8:17Kathie (2): People don't just respond to what leaders say.
- 8:19Kathie (2): They respond to what leaders transmit.
- 8:23Kathie (2): That's something I see over and over and over again in organizations and families and relationships.
- 8:29Kathie (2): Yes, over and over again.
- 8:34Kathie (2): So pressure isn't going anywhere.
- 8:37Kathie (2): Neither are difficult people.
- 8:38Kathie (2): Neither are pendulums.
- 8:40Kathie (2): The goal is not to eliminate them.
- 8:42Kathie (2): The goal is to notice them before they capture your energy.
- 8:47Kathie (2): The next time you feel yourself getting emotionally hooked, pause.
- 8:51Kathie (2): Take one slow, deep breath.
- 8:53Kathie (2): Observe, maybe even smile, and then ask yourself,"What is trying to capture my energy right now?" Because the moment you notice the pattern, you're no longer trapped inside of it.
- 9:06Kathie (2): You've already started taking your energy back.
- 9:10Kathie (2): Every episode of the Kathie Owen Perspective podcast has a companion blog post with bonus resources, additional insights, and links to dive deeper into today's topic.
- 9:21Kathie (2): I'm also the author of Human Patterns Under Pressure and The Truth Bubbles Up.
- 9:26Kathie (2): You'll find links to both books along with the blog post in the description and show notes below.
- 9:32Kathie (2): In fact, on YouTube, you will find a link to the blog post in the very first comment.
- 9:39Kathie (2): So if you enjoyed today's episode, I'd love for you to like this video, subscribe to the channel, and share it with someone who could use a little more clarity under pressure.
- 9:50Kathie (2): Until next time, keep observing because pressure doesn't just reveal the world around you.
- 9:55Kathie (2): It reveals the patterns within you.