Latest / It's Time for Success: The Business Insights Podcast / Ashton DeKoning on ADHD, Resilience & Redefining Success
Transcript
- Sharon 00:17 Today's episode is incredibly special. I'm joined by my son, Ashton, someone who's taught me more about resilience, loyalty, and focus than anyone I've ever met. From being a kid who struggled with ADHD, school, and friendships to becoming a devoted father, husband and a top salesperson at his company, Ashton's journey is one I think many of you will relate to, whether you're raising someone like him or whether you are someone like him. Thank you, Ashton, for joining me today. Ashton 00:45 Thank you for having me. Yeah, hi. Sharon 00:49 Okay, Ashton, we're going to talk about this. You're now how old? Ashton 00:51 Thirty two. Sharon 00:56 Thirty two years old? Ashton 00:58 Yeah, crazy. Sharon 1:00 Yeah, you're growing up. Okay, so we're going to go back into the days of school, and back then was a little bit different. I think, looking back, I think you're a little bit more fortunate, because there's, you know, nowadays there's even more bullying than what you went through. I think it's very easily accessible for everybody. With that being said, you went through a lot of shit, so I went through the ringer. That's true. We're going to talk about this a little bit more so people can comprehend and get through to where you are here. So let's talk a little bit about school, and what was like growing up for you? Ashton 01:27 Yeah, school was rough from basically the starting of about grade 10, I was the outcast. I didn't have friends. I really kind of just did my own thing. I found out pretty quick that the people that did start talking to me throughout the beginning few years just wanted some from me. If that was the new game that was out, they wanted me to get my items from them, or just wanted to get closer to my older sister, talk to my sister because she was the popular one in our family, things like that. I found out pretty quick. I learned how to learn how to make a name for myself and not just kind of be used, right? Sharon 02:06 And that did happen a lot, for sure. Yeah, so when, when did you? So you said in the earlier years you started to know that you were a little bit different than than your schoolmates. Yeah, even if we could backlog like we tried everything, hey, to put you in. We tried to put you in sports, to get you to blend in. We tried everything possible just to try to get you to make connections with your schoolmates. And it was a struggle right from the get go, it was hard to get you to be included in different events, for sure. So do you remember getting bullied or feeling left out like, what? Ashton 02:38 Oh, yeah, that. I don't think those memories or feelings will ever go away. I've definitely been through the verbal to the physical to just being shunned, where no one would talk to me at all, and it's almost no one talking to you at all, is almost the hardest part of it. It's been a lot of people not only coming at me, but finding ways to use, like, my older sister. Like, how did you turn out so bad when she's so amazing and kind of, then all of a sudden, you go home and you, you know, I go home and I can watch my sister and go, What did happen to me? Why am I so different in the… around here than everyone else? Like, it's it definitely kind of hits different when people use other things around you as examples. Sharon 03:27 One thing… I remember, you had a couple friends back in Manitoba. They were the twins. I can't remember their names. Ashton 03:33 Chris and Colin. Sharon 03:35 Chris and Colin. Ashton 03:33 I knew you were going to bring them up, yeah. Sharon 03:36 Yeah, so I find that looking back, like, when you did latch on to somebody like that. You were the most devoted. Ashton 03:38 They were my best friends. Sharon 03:40 Yeah, devoted like I feel. And that's again, people think that what you have is a liability. But if you could latch on to, if those people can have somebody like you as a devoted friend, like they're above and beyond anything like I think they're they. It's so great to see that. Through the years, it was really hard raising you, Ashton. But, with all that being said over the years, I've also learned that having ADHD, having you with ADHD, I've got to see it as a superpower. You do. I think of ADHD as a superpower. And you've, you've shown people that. So when you focus on something, there's no stopping you. And do you know the situation I'm going to be talking about right away? Do you know what I'm going to talk about? The first time I seen this devotion and this laser focus, I always said you have, like, blinders on, on, like, a racehorse, you have blinders. Once you focus, there's no stopping you. So let's talk a little bit about that, because what you have learned with ADHD and being super focused, let's talk about your magic a little bit. Ashton 04:51 Yeah, so I mean, just sitting here, I have cards in my hand. I'm always playing with cards. But yeah, like growing up with ADHD was… The focus part wasn't always there. It was. I wanted to focus on so many different things at once. In school, it was more of a “What's this person, what’s that teacher talking about, what's over there, what's here, what's that noise I heard over here? “And it was hard to focus on one specific thing. And that definitely led to some academic problems of my grades, that's for sure. But as I got older, I've definitely learned to… how to focus on one thing, and it turned into like you explain hyper focusing. So when I'm hyper focused on something, it's all I think about. There is nothing else in the world that can get my mind off it. I wake up and have to be doing that thing. I go to work. I'm thinking about it. I'm thinking about ways to do those things and how I can do it efficiently, and how to learn them. And I'll be researching them all through work. And then even when I sleep, I dream about it. I dream about different methods, especially when it comes to magic of, how can I get the seven of… this seven hearts to the top of the deck from the bottom? How can I control where my audience is looking? How can I make sure at this move that I get their eyes look up at me? It's wild actually. You know, I never really thought about how much I focus on something until my wife brought it up to me. She's like, “when you're onto something, you're that's it, like, you don't have, you don't want to do anything else.” And it's like, it's very true. Sharon 06:30 It’s true. It’s hyper- ocus. I think of it as a gift. It's hyper focus, for sure. And those are very beneficial as an employer, looking for employees, or even if you know you were to have your own career, or even as a salesperson at jump.ca. You know you're able to focus and be the best that you can be because of this. So I think it's a great thing to be. I have a question here: was there a moment you realized you were capable of more than people expected? Ashton 06:57 Yeah, yeah, actually. And it kind of ties into magic again. Back in grade 11 was the first time I ever brought my magic out of the house, brought it to school to show people, and when I started performing it for people, it was like a light bulb went off. My head's… just I can be more than what people look at me as I'm for this. The two days there, I was most popular kid in school, and it was, it was amazing, because it was like, wow, people actually notice me. But it's also very exhausting being popular. But yeah, like, magic definitely was one of those stepping stones in the sense of, who am I, who can I be? And magic is always changing, so it definitely taught me with learning magic how to change too, with with what needs to happen with times. There's card tricks and and other tricks that won't work nowadays because you can't find a phone book anywhere, or, you know, those type of things are always changing, so you always have to evolve. And I've definitely learned to evolve with the times and show that I can be a better person. Sharon 08:14 And do you think you're… Do you think ADHD helped you at jump.ca with sales? Ashton 08:19 100%. When I first started there, I was hyper focused on sales, like I I needed to learn how to do everything and as fast I could. They hired me a week before Black Friday, and they told me that if I'm not ready in the week to sell phones, that's okay, because that's very short time. Usually takes, you know, a month to be really ready to sell a phone. And I got all this paperwork done. I got everything I needed to get done within first two days, and then it was straight to sales. And by the end of that week, when Black Friday started, by the end of that Black Friday season, I sold more phones than anybody else at Jump.ca in Prince Albert at the time, right that year, I was, yeah, oh yeah, no. It definitely has helped me in the sense to when a new procedure comes out of, we want to try this way to sell a phone, or we don't want to do this. We want to do this. I definitely take it to heart of how can I sell. Sharon 09:18 Right. So you go back into your laser focus. Ashton 09:21 Exactly, yeah, and we have sticky notes. We use sticky notes at work. And my desk, by the end of the day, I have to clear my desk of all these sticky notes. And because it's just little notes jotted of, okay, this didn't work with this customer. This worked with this customer. How can I, you know, fix this with the next customer? Sharon 09:44 Huh? So how long have you been with jump.ca? Ashton 09:45 Five years. It'll be six in November. Sharon 09:46 Very good. So do you feel with ADHD, your loyalty is also there with that because you're focused or you're comfortable, or what's your reasoning to stay there for six years, do you figure? Ashton 09:53 I really like sales and sales goes hand in hand with magic, because you have to learn how to sell the the audience with… Sharon 09:59 I never even thought of that. Ashton 10:08 Yeah, so I definitely learned a lot from Jump. The people there are amazing, and it's crazy, because a lot of the people I work with are very similar to me. They… we have the same interests, we have the same likes and dislikes. We talk outside of work, and I've made friends from Jump and selling phones is just something I like to do. I love technology, and when a customer comes in, not even wanting a phone, but wanting to learn how to use their phone, I sit down there and I, sometimes I catch myself going too much into detail and overwhelming them. And it’s like okay, I got to step back, because I'm, you know, going too much here on this. So, yeah, no, I really respect Jump. They've done me really good. I've… They've helped me grow the salesmen, and with that, helped me grow my magic too. I've constantly have a deck of work, at school—at school—at work, and I'm constantly just learning, and that's the best part. Sharon 11:11 So what's your status like nowa Jump.ca for sales? Ashton 11:16 I’ve been moved around a few different locations, so it's kind of went kind of being up and down, but location I’m at now at Blossom Heights mall in Saskatoon, I am the second best performer there so far. Normal numbers for Essentials Warranty are anywhere between 40 and 50% between all my sales. So that's… Sharon 11:37 That's awesome. And management, how does that work, management? Ashton 11:41 I do have a manager above me. He just overlooks how everything goes. If there's something that I need to work on, he just brings up to my attention. Sharon 11:49 So, you're able to communicate just effectively with him. And everything's great there. So back in the day with school, you had trouble with relationships, but because now you've been able to embrace… You know, you're with people that you're interested in. And I you talked about back in school, about how you had trouble because you’re like “this noise is over there,” and you you're academically, you were down, but that was of zero interest to you. Yeah. Oh, yeah. No school, right? So it's really hard to be focused as a regular like, you know, it was with people who do not have ADD or ADHD, never mind with that stuff, right? So it's really hard to stay focused. We talked a little bit about what keeps your loyalty to the company at Jump. They're good to you, right? You feel comfortable with them. You've built relationships with your customers and your fellow teammates, which is important. You're able to have the same… I believe culture is a big thing. So the same belief system, because I know you're a gamer, probably some of your teammates are gamers as well. So you have that same conversation, yeah. So how being… let's talk about being a dad now. Ashton 12:57 Yes, yeah, beautiful girl, 20 months old. Sharon 12:59 So how has that shaped you and how has… Have you noticed anything with ADHD and being a dad? Have you noticed anything cross over there or not really? Ashton 13:10 Yeah, patience. Patience is… Kari has taught me patience. There's times where I just want to put her in a corner, but no, she is. She's amazing. You know, she's definitely taught me patience. If there's one thing that I've been learning every day, every single day, is patience with her. She's taught me how to be more patient, not just with her, but just overall, with my wife and with customers and with everything, she’s... Patience is probably the biggest one for sure. And I'm a very impatient person. I like to get things done when I started doing stuff, Sharon 13:47 I wouldn't… Hmm really? Ashton 13:50 Yeah, surprise. Sharon 13:52 Do you think your challenges made you a better husband, a better father? Ashton 13:57 Some of my downfalls in life as like, bullying has definitely shaped me into a person that is better off. You know, I look at bullying, my bullying years now more of shaping me to figure out who I am. Then it was, I look back as hate. I mean, at the time it was they just didn't like me, and they thought I was weird and had all these issues. But now I look at back at it as I really didn't know who I was back then. I didn't know what I wanted or or I didn't really fit in. I was always the outcast. I moved school to school so these kids were with these other kids their whole life, and I was just kind of brought in, right? Sharon 14:41 Yeah, yeah, we did move you from different schools just to get you through a year to a year to a year without too much bullying. Yeah, for sure. Ashton 14:47 But, yeah, yeah, I know it's definitely shaped me to be more. I've learned to be me, and it's not easy to do is to find your spot, if that's finding friends or just a couple friends, like we talked about, I only have… I have a few really, really close friends. There'll be lifelong friends I have. Yeah, I think maybe top five people I can think of top. Sharon 15:10 Well, even that, like, even like, you're 32 but I'm 56 right now as we record this. But I always say that I keep my circle small, like my circle’s special, my circle is important, but it can be small. It doesn't need to be a large circle. So as long as you keep the right people is important, and I think that's what you're doing. Ashton 15:28 Yeah, growing up with Amanda, she always had such a big circle for the longest time, and it was really hard as a kid going she has all these people in her life, any these people do anything for her. And growing up with nobody was really hard to watch that. And then Amanda introduced me to her friends, and I started going out with them, but I was always just her little brother. I was just her little brother, and I was still like that outcast, even though I knew these people had my back, I was still like, “Oh, I'm just her little brother.” So that was definitely a challenge too in life, was to figure out how I could be not her little brother with these people, because we were friends. And figuring that out too was another step to being, I feel like, the dad I am today. Of I am her dad. I'm not somebody else's dad. I am… This is who I am. If that makes any sense. Sharon 16:23 Okay. So to our listeners right now, what would you say to a young person who feels like they don't fit in? Ashton 16:31 I would say, just keep going. You know, if you have a like that, somebody else doesn't like who cares? They're that's what you like, focus on it, hone it, perfect it, and those people that like the same thing will find their way to be around you. There's not very many magicians out there that I grew up around, so being that one person you know is definitely… was hard, but I've learned to accept it. And when people see my magic now, they applaud, and they want to see more. And it's one of those things that you’ve just got to believe in yourself and be you. Sharon 17:10 And even I think back of all the times we tried to get you because we put you in hot wreck hockey, we put you in taekwondo, we put you in baseball, we tried all these different things. So we were trying to make you fit in, but that you can't change your personality. So I think some of these young people, I think that's could happen. I think it's really hard. I think that's where some mental health starts kicking in when you're trying to be somebody your not. So just try to be somebody who you want to be. Ashton 17:38 Yeah, be you, even if you right now might not be the most popular, cool person in your school. It doesn't matter, just be who you are, because once you graduate, once you're held grade 12, you're going to college, you're going to university or or you go into the workforce, those people that you went to school with really don't matter anymore. You're going to be you regardless, and that's the main thing. Once you become you, and once you get your license, and you can go to those events that you might not be able to go to when you're when you're younger, you're going to find those people that are just like you. Sharon 18:13 I know it sounds crazy, because it seems so like you're in the… is there forever for school, but it is a short portion of your life. It's a short portion of your life. There's way more out there. So just try to get through and power through. And look for those people, like yourself, you know, look for those people who've been there, sometimes it's just reaching out to a mentor or just somebody to talk to, right? That's sometimes all they need. Okay, what would you say to parents raising a child who may be feeling overwhelmed right now? Ashton 18:40 I would say… I'm talking my parent, but no, I would say, take a step back and maybe just listen and try to see from their perspective. If they're hyper focused on something, maybe try to put in something that they want to do or try on the weekends, be able to put them with their same kind of people. If that's they like to draw pictures, paint, take them to paint nights. If they like to crochet, take them to crocheting nights. You know, there's, there's so many events that go around, even in small towns, that you can take your kids to. Sharon 19:18 Okay, there's a big one. To an employer, what would you say who might be considering hire somebody with this hyper focus, or some kind of what people consider as a liability—which I do not as a superhero—but what would you what would you say to those employers? Ashton 19:36 I would say that you gotta look at it as someone that'll hyper focus on something. If there's a task they need to be done, they'll get it done. If there's a new procedure, they're gonna learn it. Long as you're good to them and you're treating them as a equal, then they're gonna give you 10 times the respect back, for sure. Sharon 19:58 Which is about exactly what has happened with you at Jump. So that's perfect. Okay, anything you want to add? Ashton, have you made any notes or anything you can think about that could help our listeners today? Ashton 20:09 To the kids in school that are struggling, it's okay to break out your shell. It's okay to be you. It's okay to feel different. It's okay to go through these 12 years of your life feeling alone, because once you're out, it's not going to be that way. You're going to find those people in your life. You're going to find those friends that won't leave your side, that'll do anything for you. For parents, good luck, no— 20:39 Yes. Good luck. Yeah. Ashton 20:41 For parents, you know you're doing a good job. Keep, keep doing what you're doing, even though sometimes your kids might not see it that way, or you know… You are, you're doing everything that you can do. Being a parent isn't easy, and I'm learning that and I’m 20 months in so, you know, 14-year-olds going through this, I can't imagine the challenges, but you're doing good. Employers, just hire everyone with ADHD. We'll keep your business running. Sharon 21:09 Hire them. Yeah, absolutely, absolutely. Okay. So I'm gonna have some rapid fire questions here, just for fun. What's your favorite tech? Technology? Ashton 21:23 Oh, I would have to say my favorite technology right now is cell phones. There's so much you can do, do from them. I'm learning cons… different things constantly about them. They there's people that run their whole business off their cell phone. They don't even need anything else but their phone. And I find that wild. To the cell phones we have now are more more powerful than the computers they had to send the first astronaut to space, which is crazy. Sharon 21:50 So crazy. And I… we did a podcast with Robin Ross. She owns Saber Communications here in Lloydminster and she talked about all the different ways you can utilize your phones. It's not a phone, that's what. We don't even answer the darn phone like it's not even a phone anymore. It's a computer in your hand, for sure. So your phone. Yeah, yeah, okay. And your most used app? What's your most used app? Ashton 22:15 YouTube. I constantly, I'm constantly researching. I use it more for guides or tutorials to like reviews on different products, if I'm wanting to buy something, to just different methods for my magic, or if it's to a video game I'm playing, learning how to do a certain quest or how to get a certain item. Yeah, probably YouTube. Google, is, you know, going to be that right close to that too. Sharon 22:45 That's so funny. Google, yeah. Okay, and then tell us about… a little bit about your gaming. You do stream. Ashton 22:52 Not as much as I used to, but I do stream. You can catch me at ACG423 on Twitch. And, yeah, I stream a little bit of everything from Minecraft, Pokemon to Yu-Gi-Oh, to this new game I'm getting into called Team Fight Tactics. Sharon 23:08 That was one thing when you were a teenager, you were so laser focused on these games, and I wanted to shove it up your yin yang, because you needed to go to bed or you... If you even had a job, you would stay up to four o'clock yelling at the because you were so laser focused on it. So it's okay, let's get back on Ashton 23:25 That’s where my friends were. Sharon 23:28 For sure. Where your friends were. Yes, yes, yes. All right, we’ll end the episode. Ashton, probably now, unless you have any other key takeaways for somebody. Nope. Okay. Well, Ashton, thank you for being willing to share so openly today. Watching you grow has been one of the greatest honors of my life. Of course, we've been through a lot. I was a single parent until you were about, what six, I think it was? Ashton 23:52 Yeah, I think it was, I think I was seven when you married dad, yeah. Sharon 23:56 So was, you know, it was, it was a lot, but we made her. And I hope your story gives other people hope and maybe even shifts a few mindsets out there. To our listeners, if you or someone you love is wired a little bit differently, just like Ashton, take heart—that difference might just be their greatest strength. And to employers, I hope you start seeing “different” as “dynamic.” Ashton is key proof of being dynamic and not different. So thank you, Ashton, for being with us today. Ashton 24:29 Thank you for having me.